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00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:03,903
DENISE: Previously on
The Hotwives of Las Vegas...
2
00:00:03,933 --> 00:00:06,233
Life without Adonis
has been hard,
3
00:00:06,266 --> 00:00:08,196
but I had to kick him out.
4
00:00:08,233 --> 00:00:10,933
My embryo jumped out
of me, went into her.
5
00:00:10,966 --> 00:00:12,096
I would (BLEEP) Vance.
6
00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:15,273
You will never
have my husband.
7
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:18,100
I am writing my book
The Loneliest Fingertip.
8
00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:19,433
Well, it's just
words on a page.
9
00:00:19,466 --> 00:00:21,226
Doesn't even really matter
the order of the words.
10
00:00:21,266 --> 00:00:23,266
What do you mean
you're in love
with my husband?
11
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,970
Oh, yeah, I have
a kid and a wife.
12
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,430
Did I not mentionthat to Denise?
13
00:00:26,466 --> 00:00:27,796
(IMITATING SCOOBY DOO)
Ruh-roh.
14
00:00:27,833 --> 00:00:29,203
PHE PHE:
Are y'all having sex in here?
15
00:00:29,233 --> 00:00:30,703
JENFER: Oh, no!I'm going into labor.
16
00:00:30,733 --> 00:00:31,603
My baby!
17
00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:38,573
JENFER: What happens in Vegascan usually be curedby antibiotics.
18
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,100
FIRST LADY: Money is money,but class is somethingmuch classier.
19
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,300
IVANKA: Just becauseI'm beautiful and rich,
20
00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:46,833
doesn't mean I can'tsay that a lot.
21
00:00:46,866 --> 00:00:49,996
PHE PHE: I am a phenomenon,literally. That's my name.
22
00:00:51,733 --> 00:00:54,533
LEONA: I went to a salonand said, "Give me the Reba."
23
00:00:56,333 --> 00:00:58,603
DENISE: I say I'm sorrya hundred times a day.
24
00:01:00,066 --> 00:01:02,066
CALLIE: I am Satan's minion.
25
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,530
I am also greatat Word and Excel.
26
00:01:10,966 --> 00:01:12,066
(SIGHS)
27
00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:14,070
There, there, baby.
28
00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:17,703
When Leona called me
from New York City
29
00:01:17,733 --> 00:01:19,273
Casino
30
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,800
to tell me that Ace and
First Lady were hooking up,
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00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:23,503
I was shocked.
32
00:01:23,533 --> 00:01:26,273
And the news sent meinto early labor.
33
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:29,130
Early labor that just
turned out to be gas.
34
00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:32,596
But I find breast-feedingthis doll comforting.
35
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,900
But I would never
breast-feed a real baby.
36
00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:37,673
Makes your tits all saggy.
37
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:39,070
(DOORBELL RINGING)
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00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,703
Oh! Coming.
39
00:01:42,033 --> 00:01:43,273
(GROANS)
40
00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:49,733
Leona's here, honey.
41
00:01:49,766 --> 00:01:51,566
You come to Mama.
Oh, God!
42
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,000
(SOBBING)
Oh!
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00:01:53,866 --> 00:01:55,596
First she tries
to take my baby,
44
00:01:55,633 --> 00:01:56,703
then she takes my man.
45
00:01:56,733 --> 00:01:57,873
Oh!
46
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,630
God! I'm a wreck.
47
00:01:59,666 --> 00:02:01,326
I know, I can tell,
your place is a mess.
48
00:02:02,533 --> 00:02:04,303
I'm glad it was me
49
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,873
who told Jenfer about
Ace and First Lady,
50
00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:08,800
even though it was so hard,
51
00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:10,673
although it was probably
harder for me than for her.
52
00:02:10,700 --> 00:02:12,130
You know?
53
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,796
I mean no one ever
thinks about the
bearer of the bad news.
54
00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:16,203
What about us?
55
00:02:16,233 --> 00:02:17,873
Have you spoken
to Ace?
56
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:20,470
People will want to know
and I'd like to be able
to tell them.
57
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,430
Oh, I've spoken to
him, all right.
58
00:02:22,466 --> 00:02:25,526
Ace came home
begging for forgiveness
59
00:02:25,566 --> 00:02:28,326
but I sent that son
of a bitch packing.
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00:02:28,366 --> 00:02:29,996
Get the hell out of my house!
61
00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:32,533
Please, not like this.
62
00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:34,066
I just wanted to
change my outfit.
63
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,170
Those jeans made
me look pudgy.
64
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,800
I mean he had a point
and I felt that I owed
him that much.
65
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:40,133
You get out of my house!
66
00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:41,666
Fine! I don't even care!
67
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:44,200
Me and my extremely slimming
suit are out of here!
68
00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:46,333
You're gonna regret this.
69
00:02:48,866 --> 00:02:50,466
Damn it!
70
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,930
(SOBBING)
I have to stay strong.
71
00:02:52,966 --> 00:02:55,126
Yes! Yes, honey.
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00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:56,796
Or, you could
just fall apart
73
00:02:56,833 --> 00:02:58,173
and give the people
what they want.
74
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,300
No, I have to focus
on what's important.
75
00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:02,303
(SNIFFLES)
76
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:03,403
Your baby.
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00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,833
My book.
78
00:03:04,866 --> 00:03:06,926
Oh!
It's debuting.
79
00:03:06,966 --> 00:03:09,726
I'm really excited
80
00:03:09,766 --> 00:03:13,126
because I'm doing a reading
of my children's book,
81
00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:17,996
The Loneliest Fingertip,
today at the Las VegasBook Convention/Beach Party.
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00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:19,773
It's the biggestparty of the year!
83
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,570
It takes place poolside,
84
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,030
because no one in
Vegas enjoys reading,
85
00:03:24,066 --> 00:03:27,396
but everyone enjoys
getting wasted by a pool
and pretending to read.
86
00:03:27,433 --> 00:03:30,203
Ah! Babe, I am so proud
of you for speaking out
87
00:03:30,233 --> 00:03:32,333
for handicapped, misshapen
people like yourself.
88
00:03:32,366 --> 00:03:33,526
You know?
89
00:03:33,566 --> 00:03:35,666
I'm going to be there
today, cheering you on.
90
00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,270
Bless your heart.
91
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,600
You're a real friend.
I am.
92
00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,403
I'm going to support Jenfer,
93
00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:44,233
but also, and mostly,
to promote my new book,
94
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,473
Mom For Life.
95
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:49,730
It's funny stories aboutbeing an empty nester.
96
00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:53,696
I just, I hope my book doesn't
upstage Jenfer's retard book
97
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,173
because that would be
really hard for her.
98
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,030
But, probably harder for me
to have to see her so upset.
99
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,100
(GRUMBLING)
100
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:13,403
Hey, Adonis! Phe Phe here.
101
00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:16,073
Could you give me a call
back when you get this?
102
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,700
So, I just got home
from New York City
103
00:04:18,733 --> 00:04:21,173
Hotel and Casino
104
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,270
and my entire house
has been cleaned out.
105
00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:26,870
Now, the security camerafootage shows a man
106
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:30,370
who looks a lot likeAdonis stealing my stuff.
107
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,630
But I don't believe it unless
I see it with my own eyes.
108
00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:35,496
That camera is not my eyes.
109
00:04:35,533 --> 00:04:37,403
It's a camera!
110
00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:39,733
But, whatever it is, I've gotto get over it right now.
111
00:04:39,766 --> 00:04:45,226
I have got to focus on
my big book release party!
112
00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:52,133
Fifty Shades of Phe:How To Throw Shade Like A Pro.
113
00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:54,596
Mmm-hmm! I had some gay
guys write it for me.
114
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:03,300
It's probably really good.
115
00:05:03,633 --> 00:05:04,703
It's me.
116
00:05:04,733 --> 00:05:06,103
Sis-boom-bah!
117
00:05:06,133 --> 00:05:08,233
Actually, it's just my
head on, uh, someone else.
118
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,666
My neck looks real little.
119
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,600
♪ We gonna get turned upA notch, turned up ♪
120
00:05:18,533 --> 00:05:20,173
(COUGHS)
121
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,970
Magnita, I need
more spit-up rags.
122
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,470
(WHEEZES)
123
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,370
Oh, thank you.
124
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,830
There's something
wrong with me.
125
00:05:28,866 --> 00:05:31,766
My doctor says I
have something that's
going around called,
126
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,330
"The common cold"?
127
00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:36,296
But, there's nothing
common about me, so...
128
00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:39,203
It has to be Callie's
witchcraft, again.
129
00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:42,173
I mean, after that
horrible New York trip,
130
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,930
where I tried to kill her
with kindness, literally...
131
00:05:44,966 --> 00:05:47,326
(SCREAMING)
No! No! No!
132
00:05:47,366 --> 00:05:48,666
Die!
133
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,400
I could see her being pissed.
134
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,603
(COUGHING)
135
00:05:51,633 --> 00:05:52,503
(SPITTING)
136
00:05:54,966 --> 00:05:57,366
Wash that, please,
I am contagious.
137
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,270
But no matter what,
the most important thing
138
00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:01,800
is that I still
look beautiful.
139
00:06:01,833 --> 00:06:03,503
(COUGHS)
140
00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:05,833
I think I might want to wear
the blue bikini tonight.
141
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,666
Hold it up for me.
142
00:06:08,033 --> 00:06:10,103
(CHUCKLES) So funny.
143
00:06:10,133 --> 00:06:12,373
Even sick, I look better
in it than you do.
144
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,670
Ah, 'cause you
look terrible.
145
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:18,430
Ah, we have fun together,
don't we, Magnita?
146
00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:20,626
I have to muster
all my energy
147
00:06:20,666 --> 00:06:23,066
for the Book
Convention/Beach Party.
148
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:24,200
I wrote a book,
149
00:06:24,233 --> 00:06:27,603
Can't Pop It:
My American Dream.
150
00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:31,003
It's a guide to how you
too can be a vaguely
European ex-model
151
00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:32,773
and marry a famous
bubble artist.
152
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,170
(SIGHS)
153
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,270
But, I don't feel
strong enough to go.
154
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:41,400
Luckily, First Lady gave me
some of her MethAmphetaMine
pills to give me a boost.
155
00:06:42,466 --> 00:06:43,526
Ooh, they're pink.
156
00:06:45,533 --> 00:06:46,603
Mmm, yum!
157
00:06:48,066 --> 00:06:49,096
Maybe I'll take a few.
158
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,166
Honey, I'm home.
159
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,370
The Dark Lordis smiling upon me.
160
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,400
I told Vance that it
wasn't safe for him
161
00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:06,633
to stay in the same house
with Ivanka while she's sick.
162
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,370
Also, she triedto strangle me,
163
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,470
so who knows whatshe's capable of?
164
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:18,200
So, he moved in with me
and is sleeping in my bed.
165
00:07:18,233 --> 00:07:21,333
I mean, until I find another
bed, which is impossible.
166
00:07:21,366 --> 00:07:22,896
You started it!
You started it!
167
00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:24,933
Oh, no, no, no!
168
00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,726
I mean, who knows
where they sell beds?
169
00:07:26,766 --> 00:07:28,266
What are there, bed stores?
170
00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:30,196
Uh-oh, uh-oh!
171
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:31,733
(BOTH GIGGLING)
172
00:07:35,766 --> 00:07:38,226
It's sad that
Ivanka is so sick,
173
00:07:38,266 --> 00:07:42,766
but my witchcraft had
nothing to do with that.
174
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:47,430
Though, my witchcraft mayhave had something to do withruining her favorite purse.
175
00:07:47,833 --> 00:07:49,403
(URINATING)
176
00:07:49,433 --> 00:07:52,273
I mean, witchcraft
is not an exact science.
177
00:07:53,633 --> 00:07:57,703
Anyway, I'm really excited
about my book release party
178
00:07:57,733 --> 00:07:59,333
of my young adult novel.
179
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:01,200
It's called...
180
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,273
Howl At My Brother.
181
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:06,400
And, it's about a brother
and sister werewolf
182
00:08:06,433 --> 00:08:08,533
who finally get to
run away together
183
00:08:08,566 --> 00:08:11,096
after they flay alive
a stuck-up princess.
184
00:08:11,466 --> 00:08:12,666
(SIGHS)
185
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,500
It's already been optioned
by Summon Entertainment.
186
00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:18,633
And I'm just really excited
to show those other women
187
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:22,096
how much you can accomplish
with the power of witchcraft
188
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,473
and having no day job.
189
00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:25,430
(BOTH GIGGLING)
190
00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:34,573
Hi! Come on in.
(CHUCKLES)
191
00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:36,726
Be careful.
192
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,166
It's fragile, okay?
193
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,230
Things have been goingreally well since I got back
194
00:08:41,266 --> 00:08:42,896
from my big performance
in New York City
195
00:08:42,933 --> 00:08:44,073
Hotel and Casino.
196
00:08:48,966 --> 00:08:52,196
(CRYING) Not my chair!
197
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:58,330
(LAUGHING) Ooh!
Isn't she beautiful?
198
00:08:59,266 --> 00:09:02,396
Aren't they all beautiful?
199
00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:08,073
(CHUCKLES)
200
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:11,670
I now have a chair room.
201
00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:16,770
It's just a room devoted
to chairs for me to sit in
and no one else to take.
202
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,900
It's really empowering for me
203
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,573
to always feellike I have a chair
204
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:24,030
and never feel likeI don't have a chair,
205
00:09:24,066 --> 00:09:27,126
because chairlessness
is a terrible feeling.
206
00:09:29,733 --> 00:09:31,173
In other great news,
207
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,400
Kelly moved in with me
208
00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:36,403
along with his wife andchild that he forgot totell me about
209
00:09:36,433 --> 00:09:37,833
til we were on
vacation together.
210
00:09:37,866 --> 00:09:39,296
(LAUGHS) Yay!
211
00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:42,373
They needed a place to stay
212
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,470
and I thought it might benice to have the company.
213
00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:46,533
Can you move over?
214
00:09:46,566 --> 00:09:48,466
Mom, how long do we
have to live with
these weird ladies?
215
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:49,570
(GRUMBLES)
216
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:50,900
You happy?
217
00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:52,403
(GIGGLES) Me too.
218
00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:54,233
Guys, if I can't
hear the voices,
219
00:09:54,266 --> 00:09:55,596
I can't learn
the impressions.
220
00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:57,203
Shh! Shh.
221
00:09:58,433 --> 00:10:00,673
Yeah, I'm still hoping to
work things out with Denise,
222
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:04,330
I'm just really bummed
my kid and wife are back
in the picture.
223
00:10:04,366 --> 00:10:05,726
(IMITATING)
Take my wife, please.
224
00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:09,626
By take I mean
I wish she would die.
225
00:10:09,666 --> 00:10:13,266
(IMITATING) It is a tumor.
Kindergarten Cop.
226
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,870
With everything
that's going on,
227
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:17,170
I'm just really
looking forward to my
228
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,300
book release party
for my new book,
229
00:10:19,333 --> 00:10:23,233
Do I Deserve Love?
The Answer Is No.
230
00:10:23,266 --> 00:10:26,566
I'm just hoping that all
the attention and love
I'll get from the book
231
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,730
and all the hugs I'll
get from strangers
232
00:10:28,766 --> 00:10:31,496
will fill up my hug-bucket.
233
00:10:31,533 --> 00:10:33,103
'Cause I think Kelly's
(BLEEP) kid has been
stealing from it.
234
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:37,570
(COINS RATTLING)
235
00:10:38,933 --> 00:10:42,433
(IMITATING)
Oh! Very nice! Borat!
236
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,930
FIRST LADY: I can't believeAce is back in my life.
237
00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:56,596
You know what they say.
238
00:10:56,633 --> 00:11:00,373
What happens in New York CityHotel and Casino, Las Vegas,
239
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,000
stays in New York CityHotel and Casino, Las Vegas.
240
00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:05,133
JENFER: Ace, how dare you?
241
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:08,326
And if Jenfer is going to hold
a little affair against Ace,
242
00:11:08,366 --> 00:11:10,366
then she doesn't deserve him.
243
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,370
A politician's wife is used
to that sort of thing.
244
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,030
All Jenfer cared about
was that new life
245
00:11:15,066 --> 00:11:16,496
she was carrying
around inside of her.
246
00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:18,733
So, I decided
247
00:11:18,766 --> 00:11:21,126
that I was gonna go
someplace where I was
gonna be appreciated
248
00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:23,126
and followed by cameras again.
249
00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:24,326
29.
(EXHALES)
250
00:11:24,866 --> 00:11:25,726
30.
251
00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:27,233
I love you.
252
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,570
And I can't imagine
being with anyone else.
253
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:31,630
(GIGGLES)
254
00:11:31,666 --> 00:11:33,396
Oh! You know what?
255
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:35,703
I'm going to use that at the
book beach party, it'll kill.
256
00:11:35,733 --> 00:11:36,603
(SNIFFLES)
257
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,600
(GRUNTS)
258
00:11:38,633 --> 00:11:41,503
Um, I don't know...
32?
259
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:43,333
That, that sounds good.
Okay.
260
00:11:43,366 --> 00:11:46,326
I am so excited for the
book beach party event.
261
00:11:46,366 --> 00:11:49,396
I heard from Leona that
Jenfer's gonna be there
262
00:11:49,433 --> 00:11:52,273
and I'm gonna make her
take a maternity test.
263
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:55,470
As soon as I find out if that
is actually a real thing.
264
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,730
But today isn't justabout motherhood.
265
00:11:57,766 --> 00:11:59,526
It's also about famous-hood.
266
00:12:01,266 --> 00:12:04,826
I'll be reading from my
new book Osteoporo-Yes.
267
00:12:04,866 --> 00:12:07,566
It's about how to shedpounds through the lossof bone density.
268
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,800
It's so heavy, I can't!
269
00:12:09,833 --> 00:12:11,703
(EXHALES)
270
00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:13,573
I'm just going to use your
belly button as inspiration.
271
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,900
Okay.
272
00:12:14,933 --> 00:12:16,473
MAN ON TV: Bazinga!
Do it, do that one.
273
00:12:17,966 --> 00:12:18,766
Do that one.
274
00:12:19,633 --> 00:12:21,073
I don't do anything
for free.
275
00:12:21,933 --> 00:12:23,403
Go, get money!
Go, get money!
276
00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:25,203
Not from my hug bucket.
277
00:12:28,233 --> 00:12:31,933
DJ: Welcome to the9th Annual Mondo Book Partyand Convention, y'all!
278
00:12:31,966 --> 00:12:33,166
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
(ALL CHEERING)
279
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,930
Books, books, books, y'all!
280
00:12:34,966 --> 00:12:37,066
(AIRHORN BLASTS)
Let's get our reading on!
281
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:40,100
When I say, books,don't say nothing!
282
00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:42,103
When I say, books,don't say a word.
283
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:43,770
Books!
(SILENCE)
284
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,170
Books!
(SILENCE)
285
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,700
Good thing I can't hear you.
286
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:49,733
(AIRHORN BLASTS)
(MUSIC RESTARTS)
287
00:12:49,766 --> 00:12:51,926
DENISE: My chair and I wereready to have a lot of fun.
288
00:12:51,966 --> 00:12:53,766
Hi! I'm so happy
you're here.
289
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,030
Welcome to my book
event, baby girl.
290
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:58,166
No, wait, I thought
you were here for my
book release.
291
00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,770
No, no, no, I'm hosting you,
this is my book event.
292
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,170
I didn't understand.
293
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,330
I thought today
was about my book.
294
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,366
I sent out invitations
and no one's RSVP'd,
295
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,630
but this is my
book release.
296
00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:08,966
Hi! How'd you guys know
about my book signing?
297
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,230
No! It's not about you,
298
00:13:11,266 --> 00:13:12,826
they're here for
my book event.
299
00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:14,126
I sent out an
invitation in my dream.
300
00:13:14,166 --> 00:13:16,396
Hey! What are
you doing here?
301
00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:18,973
Seriously! What are
you doing here?
302
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,430
I forgot to bring
an umbrella.
303
00:13:22,233 --> 00:13:25,073
Ah! Tastes like pasta!
304
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:29,200
It turns out First Lady's
MethAmphetaMine pills
gave me a lot of energy
305
00:13:29,233 --> 00:13:30,533
because they're
straight up meth.
306
00:13:32,366 --> 00:13:34,666
Okay, you know what?
This is my damn event!
No.
307
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,730
I'm sorry. You all
RSVP'd in my dream.
(ALL ARGUING)
308
00:13:38,066 --> 00:13:40,496
This is not about you!
This is not about you!
309
00:13:40,533 --> 00:13:42,103
LEONA: Girls, girls!
310
00:13:42,566 --> 00:13:43,726
Settle down!
311
00:13:44,433 --> 00:13:45,703
Now, listen.
312
00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:48,233
Each of you told me you had a
book to premiere here today.
313
00:13:48,266 --> 00:13:49,896
But, I thought it
would be so fun
314
00:13:49,933 --> 00:13:51,933
for you to discover
that for yourselves.
315
00:13:51,966 --> 00:13:53,466
Aren't we having fun?
No!
316
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,370
I'm going to go
climb that butterfly.
317
00:13:57,866 --> 00:14:00,166
Ivanka was acting crazy.
318
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,030
But, you know what?
I liked it.
319
00:14:03,066 --> 00:14:05,396
And she climbed the (BLEEP)
outta that butterfly.
320
00:14:05,433 --> 00:14:06,403
Pfft!
321
00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:09,503
(EXCLAIMS) Oh, God!
322
00:14:09,533 --> 00:14:10,703
Hello, Jenfer.
323
00:14:10,733 --> 00:14:13,103
Don't you dare talk to me,
you piece of trash.
324
00:14:13,133 --> 00:14:15,133
You know what? I'd like
to make up, okay?
325
00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:16,966
I would like to extend
an olive branch.
Mmm-hmm.
326
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,670
But I just need a
quick blood sample.
327
00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:21,370
Get your hands off me!
Not in front of my baby to be.
328
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,670
That's my baby to be
and I'll put my hands
wherever I want.
329
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:25,200
Okay.
Yeah, I will.
330
00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:27,703
You stop trying
to take my baby.
331
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,603
(ARGUING)
LEONA: Ladies,
please! Please stop!
332
00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:34,003
The Vegas Mondo Pool
Beach Party/Book Convention
333
00:14:34,033 --> 00:14:35,773
is not the time or
the place for fighting.
334
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,370
(WOMEN ARGUING)
335
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:40,530
(ARGUING)
336
00:14:42,233 --> 00:14:44,303
My bad! It is the time
and the place. Go ahead.
337
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:45,733
(SHOUTING)
338
00:14:47,566 --> 00:14:50,366
Go lower! You have the
strength and the center
of gravity...
339
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:51,870
DJ: Now, next comingto the stage.
340
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,570
Please put your hands together
341
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,330
for the former First Ladyof the Vegas strip.
342
00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:58,296
She's got a new dietbook that she says,
343
00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:00,573
either will work for youor you'll die trying,
344
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,600
give it up for her!
345
00:15:01,633 --> 00:15:02,933
(ALL CHEERING)
346
00:15:02,966 --> 00:15:05,066
It's me! (LAUGHS)
347
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,570
I wanted to finish my
fight with Jenfer.
348
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,300
But I had to give my
people what they wanted.
349
00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,273
Which is me, reading.
350
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:15,430
Hell, no! That slut does
not get to read before me.
351
00:15:15,466 --> 00:15:18,026
Not after she stole my man,
after I stole him from her.
352
00:15:18,066 --> 00:15:19,766
Excuse me!
Out of my way!
353
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,400
(ALL TALKING)
PHE PHE: She's
going, I'm going.
354
00:15:21,433 --> 00:15:22,503
Stop!
No!
355
00:15:22,533 --> 00:15:23,533
(ALL CONTINUE SHOUTING)
356
00:15:23,566 --> 00:15:24,626
DENISE: Hey, my chair!
357
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,230
(EXCLAIMS) What...
358
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,730
I can fly!
359
00:15:38,766 --> 00:15:40,966
Why didn't anyone tell me
we were storming the stage?
360
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,530
Why am I always left out?
361
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,926
Ladies! Ladies!
Let's all calm down.
362
00:15:44,966 --> 00:15:46,166
And let me go first.
363
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,370
That's the best
thing to do.
364
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,570
ALL: No! No!
365
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,630
JENFER: "The loneliest
fingertip on the planet..."
366
00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:53,326
"People say you don't
deserve love and
I say to them..."
367
00:15:53,366 --> 00:15:56,696
IVANKA: "My eyes feel
like they're on fire..."
368
00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,333
(ALL READING)
369
00:15:59,366 --> 00:16:02,866
It turns out my gays
did not write my book.
370
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:05,970
But if there's one
thing Phe Phe knows,
it's how to wing it.
371
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,070
Word!
372
00:16:07,866 --> 00:16:09,326
Words about me.
373
00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:13,573
Words about other people.
374
00:16:14,066 --> 00:16:15,996
(ALL READING)
375
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:19,630
But guess what
happened, people?
376
00:16:19,666 --> 00:16:20,926
Weight loss...
377
00:16:20,966 --> 00:16:23,726
(ALL CONTINUE READING)
378
00:16:23,766 --> 00:16:26,196
CALLIE: "'Rip her throat
out, sister,' he said,
379
00:16:26,233 --> 00:16:28,333
"and she said
happily, 'Yes.'"
380
00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:31,773
When I saw the
hotwives up there,
381
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,130
I started to think
to myself...
382
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:34,996
No! Stay here,
stay right there.
383
00:16:35,033 --> 00:16:36,103
I thought to myself,
"What's Ace up to?"
384
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:38,033
Oh, my God!
(BLEEP)
385
00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:39,870
Something's happening.
386
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,370
(ALL SCREAMING)
387
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,470
Oh, no!
What?
388
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,130
I'm having my baby,
you bitches!
389
00:16:47,166 --> 00:16:48,066
FIRST LADY:
Oh, my gosh!
390
00:16:50,266 --> 00:16:52,696
I'm having my baby,
you bitches!
391
00:16:52,733 --> 00:16:54,733
DENISE: Does that mean
we have to stop reading?
392
00:16:56,033 --> 00:16:58,173
It was just all
happening so fast,
393
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,500
I couldn't believe I was
about to be a mother.
394
00:17:00,533 --> 00:17:04,903
Going into labor at the
Vegas Mondo Pool was scary.
395
00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:08,873
But then, I realized this
is the perfect place for my
precious baby to be born,
396
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,700
not some disgusting
hospital that doesn't
even have a pool.
397
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:13,003
Oh, goddamn!
398
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,626
(RHYTHMIC BREATHING)
Breathe! Breathe!
399
00:17:15,666 --> 00:17:17,396
Oh, goddamn!
400
00:17:17,433 --> 00:17:20,073
Get it out!
Get it out!
Get it out!
401
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,600
(BLEEP)
402
00:17:21,633 --> 00:17:23,903
(BLEEP)
403
00:17:23,933 --> 00:17:25,803
LEONA: Shh! We're
bothering people.
404
00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:27,333
You know what?
Stop! Stop! Stop!
405
00:17:27,366 --> 00:17:28,996
IVANKA: What?
This is not right.
406
00:17:29,033 --> 00:17:30,373
LEONA: What happened?
407
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,670
Hold up! Hold up!
No! Stay here.
408
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,530
Stay here. Don't push.
LEONA: Hold the baby.
409
00:17:34,566 --> 00:17:38,226
I could not let Jenfer
have her baby like that.
410
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,766
No one was even
having any fun.
411
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,530
What is up?
412
00:17:42,466 --> 00:17:43,966
DJ!
413
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,200
Imma need a faster beat, kid.
414
00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:49,326
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
415
00:17:49,366 --> 00:17:50,326
Yeah!
416
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:54,273
(ALL CHEERING)
417
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:57,470
What is the point of having
your baby in public
418
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,730
if nobody's even grindin'
up on each other?
419
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,830
Okay! Everybody say...
MAN: Heads up!
420
00:18:05,866 --> 00:18:07,226
Oh!
That's not right.
421
00:18:07,266 --> 00:18:08,526
Get outta here!
(LAUGHS)
422
00:18:09,666 --> 00:18:12,996
Everybody say words of
encouragement to Jenfer.
423
00:18:13,033 --> 00:18:14,773
Okay, okay! Hey, listen!
424
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,830
Don't you listen to
what everybody else at
this party is saying.
425
00:18:16,866 --> 00:18:18,296
You are going to be just fine.
426
00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:19,933
This is the end
of your life.
427
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,866
What?
428
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:24,070
You are doing
great, darling.
429
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,070
Now, let my baby out
of your womb-cage.
430
00:18:27,266 --> 00:18:29,496
I hope that baby
is a person.
431
00:18:29,533 --> 00:18:30,933
(DENISE GIGGLES)
432
00:18:30,966 --> 00:18:33,496
You know what?
Y'all are the best friends
I've ever had in my life.
433
00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,703
And this is exactly how
I imagined this moment.
434
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:37,900
Let's get this mother out!
435
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,473
(ALL CHEERING)
436
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,600
And when we do,
save the placenta,
I'll bake it in a pie.
437
00:18:41,866 --> 00:18:43,066
Ugh!
438
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,030
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
439
00:18:45,066 --> 00:18:46,026
Look, look, look,
look, look!
440
00:18:46,066 --> 00:18:47,626
Yes, girl!
441
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,866
Push it! Push it out!
442
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:51,800
Phe Phe's gonna catch it.
443
00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:53,403
I'm a wine maker.
444
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,003
I think I know how
to catch a baby.
445
00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:56,603
Let's do this!
446
00:18:57,466 --> 00:18:58,796
Push!
447
00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:01,773
(ALL SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT)
448
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,466
(GROANING)
449
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,870
(VOICE DISTORTED) Oh...
450
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,170
(AIR WHOOSHING)
451
00:19:11,833 --> 00:19:15,533
Turns out, making wine
is not at all the same
as catching a baby.
452
00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:19,333
(BABY CRYING)
453
00:19:22,733 --> 00:19:24,733
(VOICE DISTORTED) My chair!
454
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,266
Get out of my chair,
you tiny bitch!
455
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:31,030
I will kill you!
I will kill you!
456
00:19:31,066 --> 00:19:32,496
Get away from the baby.
I will kill you!
457
00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:34,503
I will get to you!
458
00:19:34,533 --> 00:19:36,973
I wish that was the
first time I had broken
up a fight with a baby.
459
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,170
But as the saying goes,
this is Vegas!
460
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,600
Time to get in a baby fight.
461
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,030
Oh, this baby won't
latch onto my titty.
462
00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:49,926
And he is just way uglier
than my other two.
463
00:19:49,966 --> 00:19:51,666
Here, you can have him.
464
00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:54,300
Oh. He kind of
looks like me.
465
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,503
And he weighs about
the same too.
466
00:19:56,533 --> 00:19:58,073
LEONA: A toast!
467
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,130
There is nothing more
beautiful than a birth,
468
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,726
and of course,
I'm talking about my book.
469
00:20:01,766 --> 00:20:02,926
To our books!
470
00:20:02,966 --> 00:20:04,596
ALL: To my book!
471
00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:06,333
CALLIE: To me.
472
00:20:06,366 --> 00:20:08,526
Junior, get over here!
You need your floaties.
473
00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:11,170
Come on, Mom.
474
00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:19,866
No! I won't take
no for an answer.
475
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,130
I'm going to
the deep end.
Hey!
476
00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:23,726
To being alive! (LAUGHS)
477
00:20:23,766 --> 00:20:24,596
(GLASS CRACKING)
478
00:20:30,866 --> 00:20:33,566
And to me and Vance, getting
the show back together.
479
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,700
I'm really looking forward
to branching out.
480
00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:37,726
Mmm.
Mmm.
481
00:20:45,566 --> 00:20:47,196
DENISE: (SCREAMING) Chair!
482
00:20:47,233 --> 00:20:48,503
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
483
00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:49,433
(SCREAMING)
484
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:56,630
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
485
00:20:59,866 --> 00:21:01,466
Damn!
486
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,170
Y'all know I don't speak
ill of my friends,
487
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,870
but that bitch is
crazier than a cat
with tar on its paws
488
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:08,070
running through
a grease fire.
489
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,470
(LAUGHING)
490
00:21:12,066 --> 00:21:15,566
I am who I am
and I am Phe Phe.
491
00:21:23,566 --> 00:21:26,326
Well, Imma go rinse off
my nethers in the Jacuz'
492
00:21:26,366 --> 00:21:28,296
and try to find a
(BLEEP) to grind up on.
493
00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:30,773
Giving birth makes
me horny as hell.
494
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,200
Ace, you wanna come
see our baby?
495
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:41,000
Ace!
496
00:21:41,733 --> 00:21:42,603
What?
497
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,330
I wonder where this
storyline's going.
498
00:22:04,133 --> 00:22:08,033
A new life begins as a
haunting season in Vegas ends.
499
00:22:08,066 --> 00:22:09,796
Shalom, y'all!
I'm Matty Green,
500
00:22:09,833 --> 00:22:12,673
joining you live from the
Hotwives Cooldown treehouse.
501
00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:15,930
Now, even though we don't
have our favorite hotwives
with us today,
502
00:22:15,966 --> 00:22:17,696
you have to wait till the
reunion to see them,
503
00:22:17,733 --> 00:22:21,173
we do have their favorite
party planner, Antoine Donner.
504
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,500
Here to preview his brand-new
show and cheek implants.
505
00:22:24,533 --> 00:22:25,933
Take a look.
506
00:22:25,966 --> 00:22:27,696
I want this place
to look like the ocean.
507
00:22:27,733 --> 00:22:30,603
Get me a big slab
of the Great Barrier
Reef, and hurry.
508
00:22:30,633 --> 00:22:32,633
I can't, it's protected.
509
00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:35,026
Why do you bother calling
yourself my assistant
510
00:22:35,066 --> 00:22:37,896
when you refuse to assist me?
511
00:22:37,933 --> 00:22:40,503
I should call you my
nightmare, because
that's what you are.
512
00:22:40,533 --> 00:22:43,873
Now, please, get me a generic
diet cola, my nightmare.
513
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:45,370
Oh, Yung Lee!
514
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,100
You're just my maid,
but you keep me sane.
515
00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:51,133
(ACCENTED ENGLISH)
516
00:22:51,166 --> 00:22:53,696
I'm sure you've
just said something
beautiful and lovely
517
00:22:53,733 --> 00:22:56,433
but, I can't understand
your little language.
518
00:22:58,933 --> 00:23:00,533
Don't pick it up.
Let it stain.
36539
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