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NARRATOR: Previously on,
The Hotwives of Las Vegas.
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00:00:03,748 --> 00:00:06,108
I think I got a good one
with Adonis.
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00:00:06,148 --> 00:00:07,308
I spoil you.
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00:00:07,348 --> 00:00:09,148
You're too good to me, baby.
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00:00:09,181 --> 00:00:10,851
IVANKA: My daughter Lola'smodelling career
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00:00:10,881 --> 00:00:12,551
has gone through the roof.
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00:00:12,581 --> 00:00:15,281
PHE PHE: I just want toforget about the wholechair explosion,
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00:00:15,314 --> 00:00:16,584
which I am now calling
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00:00:16,614 --> 00:00:18,114
Chair-Nobyl.
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00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,548
Oh, an idea
for a spin-off show.
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00:00:19,581 --> 00:00:20,851
Here Comes the Bro...
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00:00:20,881 --> 00:00:22,111
Half the ManI Used to Be...
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00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:23,808
Halfsies!
They don't have
that show yet,
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00:00:23,848 --> 00:00:24,948
but, goddamn it,
they should.
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00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:26,451
Leona says that Jenfer
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00:00:26,481 --> 00:00:27,911
is eight months pregnant,
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00:00:27,948 --> 00:00:29,608
but Jenfer saysthat she's just a few weeks.
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00:00:29,648 --> 00:00:30,408
We just can't know.
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00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:31,914
Wake up!
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00:00:34,281 --> 00:00:38,511
JENFER: What happensin my vaginastays in my vagina.
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00:00:38,548 --> 00:00:42,548
FIRST LADY: Life is a battleand food is the enemy.
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00:00:42,581 --> 00:00:45,811
IVANKA:
Beauty isn't everything,but if it was, I win.
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00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:48,754
PHE PHE: You might thinkyou know me
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00:00:48,781 --> 00:00:51,211
but you don't know me'cause I don't know me.
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00:00:51,248 --> 00:00:53,878
LEONA: I hold my friends closeand my enemies just as close
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00:00:53,914 --> 00:00:55,084
because they arethe same people.
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00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:58,808
DENISE: I developeda resistance to Xanax.
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00:01:00,214 --> 00:01:02,054
CALLIE: People sayI'm dark and prickly
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00:01:02,081 --> 00:01:03,951
and they're not justtalking about my bush.
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00:01:13,014 --> 00:01:14,984
FIRST LADY: Seeing Jenferface to face
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00:01:15,014 --> 00:01:18,384
and her pregnant belly,
I didn't take it very well.
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00:01:18,414 --> 00:01:21,084
You piece of trash!
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00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,311
(BOTH SCREAMING)
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00:01:24,281 --> 00:01:26,281
We were stuck
in each other's weaves
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00:01:26,314 --> 00:01:27,814
for the better part
of the night.
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00:01:27,848 --> 00:01:30,248
Ow! No, I can't.
No, just move your arm!
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00:01:30,281 --> 00:01:31,481
Just squat down!
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00:01:31,514 --> 00:01:33,354
The strippers
finally got us free.
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00:01:33,714 --> 00:01:34,914
Ow!
Ow!
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00:01:35,314 --> 00:01:36,714
Ow!
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00:01:36,748 --> 00:01:37,948
Honestly,
I just want to
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00:01:37,981 --> 00:01:40,151
forget aboutall the drama.
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00:01:40,181 --> 00:01:41,951
That's whyI'm throwing myselfinto work.
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00:01:41,981 --> 00:01:43,351
Work is whatfills me up,
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00:01:44,781 --> 00:01:46,611
especially because
I don't eat food.
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00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,908
Today I'm meetingwith a marketing specialist
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00:01:48,948 --> 00:01:50,648
to help me designa brand new product
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00:01:50,681 --> 00:01:52,311
for my Anorexi-Yeah line!
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00:01:52,781 --> 00:01:54,081
Hi.
Hi.
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00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,784
Jandice is the name
in marketing
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00:01:55,814 --> 00:01:57,614
high end products
like mine.
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00:01:57,648 --> 00:01:59,578
What a thrill
to finally meet you.
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00:01:59,614 --> 00:02:02,784
The thrill is mine,
your product sounds amazing.
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00:02:02,814 --> 00:02:04,454
Thank you!
You know,
I thought of it
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00:02:04,481 --> 00:02:06,281
when I was tired
and hungry,
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00:02:06,314 --> 00:02:08,084
but I didn't want to do
anything about either.
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00:02:08,114 --> 00:02:10,284
My new product
is called MAM.
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00:02:10,314 --> 00:02:13,414
It's an acronym
for Methampheta-Mine!
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00:02:13,448 --> 00:02:16,678
It's a miracle drug
that suppresses
your appetite
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00:02:16,714 --> 00:02:18,214
and gives you
tons of energy.
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00:02:18,248 --> 00:02:20,278
It's a working woman's
dream come true.
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00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,054
And as I'm sure you know,
I marketed Fen-Phen
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00:02:22,081 --> 00:02:23,981
before and after
the lawsuits.
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00:02:24,014 --> 00:02:26,214
Loved that product.
Thank you so much.
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00:02:26,248 --> 00:02:27,878
And you know, we did
a billion dollars in sales
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00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,584
even after
all of those deaths.
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00:02:29,614 --> 00:02:31,054
So, I think
that selling
your product
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00:02:31,081 --> 00:02:32,411
should be
a piece of cake.
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00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,184
Or do you mean,
a piece of lettuce?
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00:02:37,948 --> 00:02:40,808
Lettuce, less...
Has less calories.
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00:02:42,681 --> 00:02:44,051
That's very funny.
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00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,451
(LAUGHING)
I thought so.
That is very funny
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00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:47,881
and I don't usually
love comedy.
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00:02:48,714 --> 00:02:50,684
My company
specializes in products
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00:02:50,714 --> 00:02:53,554
that are tricky to sell.
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00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:58,281
Some of our clients
include crab lice,
rapper Durst and KIA.
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00:02:58,314 --> 00:03:00,114
You see, the thing I love
about this product
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00:03:00,148 --> 00:03:02,078
is that it's specifically
designed toward women.
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00:03:03,114 --> 00:03:05,684
That's right, I wanted it
to be female friendly.
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00:03:05,714 --> 00:03:07,684
I mean, men,
they can get
their energy pills
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00:03:07,714 --> 00:03:09,484
or powder anywhere.
So true.
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00:03:09,514 --> 00:03:11,414
But a woman,
she's going to want
something classy,
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00:03:11,448 --> 00:03:12,348
something delicate.
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00:03:13,348 --> 00:03:15,348
She's gonna want it
to be pink, I love it.
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00:03:16,214 --> 00:03:17,684
People are gonna
die for this.
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00:03:17,714 --> 00:03:19,014
(YELPS EXCITEDLY)
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00:03:19,948 --> 00:03:21,308
Seriously,
they will.
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00:03:22,648 --> 00:03:24,478
I really hope
my new supplement
will help women
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00:03:24,514 --> 00:03:27,714
be their best, skinniest,
most manic selves,
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00:03:27,748 --> 00:03:29,878
because a First Lady
owes it to her people
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00:03:29,914 --> 00:03:31,954
to make sure
they're at their best.
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00:03:31,981 --> 00:03:33,751
By the way,
this paired
with this ice...
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00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:35,011
Like amazing, right?
It's delicious.
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00:03:39,348 --> 00:03:41,948
IVANKA: I didn't knowsthat beautiful, rich,European people
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00:03:41,981 --> 00:03:44,211
could suffer,but it turns outthat we can.
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00:03:44,814 --> 00:03:47,354
I'm feeling... Bad?
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00:03:48,048 --> 00:03:49,408
I hate even saying that word,
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00:03:49,448 --> 00:03:51,448
but I'm feeling it
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00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,411
because our baby Lolahas gained some weight
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00:03:53,448 --> 00:03:55,678
and lost the modelling jobsbecause of it.
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00:03:55,714 --> 00:03:58,384
But my alone time with Vancealways helps calm me down.
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00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:03,081
Oh! Put your bubbles on me,
make me your canvas.
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00:04:04,281 --> 00:04:05,951
But first, let's get you
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00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:07,814
a bubble beard.
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00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:09,514
Oh!
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00:04:09,548 --> 00:04:12,178
(SPITTING) Oh!
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00:04:12,214 --> 00:04:14,454
That feels so nice!
It matches your...
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00:04:15,848 --> 00:04:17,648
Bubble nose.
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00:04:17,681 --> 00:04:19,051
Stop being
so incredible!
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00:04:19,714 --> 00:04:21,054
(SQUEALING)
Oh! Oh!
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00:04:21,514 --> 00:04:22,454
(COUGHING)
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00:04:23,248 --> 00:04:24,408
Oh! Oh, Callie!
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00:04:25,314 --> 00:04:26,554
Oh, my goddess,
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00:04:26,581 --> 00:04:28,381
what are you guys
doing here?
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00:04:28,414 --> 00:04:30,714
We live here.
What, what are you
doing here?
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00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,478
Sure, I'll join you,
thanks.
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00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:34,614
No, no, no.
Nobody asked you
to get in the tub.
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00:04:34,648 --> 00:04:35,948
Scoot, scoot!
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00:04:35,981 --> 00:04:37,211
No, I don't feel
comfortable with this.
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00:04:37,248 --> 00:04:39,648
Ivanka, there's always
room for sis,
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00:04:39,681 --> 00:04:40,981
that's why we got
the deluxe Jacuzzi.
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00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,984
He said we got
the deluxe Jacuz
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00:04:43,014 --> 00:04:45,354
for love-making
and free-form bubble art.
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00:04:45,381 --> 00:04:46,181
What is happening?
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00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:51,014
Okay, I'm sorry,
this is weird.
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00:04:51,048 --> 00:04:53,078
Well, it's totally normal
for me and Vance.
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00:04:53,114 --> 00:04:54,614
We used to take
baths together
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00:04:54,648 --> 00:04:56,248
all the time
when we were kids.
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00:04:56,281 --> 00:04:59,711
That's how we got
the bubble show together.
Remember, Vance?
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00:04:59,748 --> 00:05:01,708
Do you want
to see it? Hold on!
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00:05:01,748 --> 00:05:03,478
Let me just
grab some soap.
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00:05:04,681 --> 00:05:06,781
BOTH: Oh, that's not soap!
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00:05:07,381 --> 00:05:08,411
That's enough!
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00:05:08,448 --> 00:05:09,678
(GASPING)
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00:05:09,714 --> 00:05:10,414
(VOICE DISTORTED) Enough!
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00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:15,211
How dare you!
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00:05:16,514 --> 00:05:19,954
Ivanka. How could you?
In front of the bubbles!
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00:05:19,981 --> 00:05:22,551
I had to strike her!
She was out of line!
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00:05:22,581 --> 00:05:26,081
I mean we do some crazy
sex stuff where I'm from,
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00:05:26,114 --> 00:05:29,154
somewhere vaguely in Europe,
but this was too far!
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00:05:29,181 --> 00:05:31,681
Vance, you need to choose
between me and her
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00:05:31,714 --> 00:05:32,954
in this tub right now!
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00:05:34,114 --> 00:05:36,254
VANCE: I was in animpossible situation.
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00:05:36,281 --> 00:05:37,051
What was I to do?
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00:05:37,614 --> 00:05:39,054
I'm just a typical man,
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00:05:39,081 --> 00:05:40,711
having to choose betweenthe love of his wife
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00:05:40,748 --> 00:05:42,408
and the love of his sister.
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00:05:42,448 --> 00:05:45,008
I was stuck in the middle,
literally, I was stuck!
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00:05:46,948 --> 00:05:48,108
IVANKA: Where're you going?
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00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,148
No, you don't get out
of the tub!
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00:05:49,181 --> 00:05:50,451
She gets out
of the tub!
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00:05:50,481 --> 00:05:51,611
No, I don't get out
of the tub!
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00:05:51,648 --> 00:05:52,648
No, you get out
of the tub!
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00:05:52,681 --> 00:05:53,951
IVANKA: You get out
of the tub!
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00:05:53,981 --> 00:05:55,281
No, get your hands off.
(SCREAMING)
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00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:56,984
IVANKA: Although I'm sureit looked incredibly arousing,
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00:05:57,014 --> 00:05:58,614
I was really devastated
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00:05:58,648 --> 00:06:00,478
that Vance did not pick me
over his sister.
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00:06:02,148 --> 00:06:04,748
It turns out that
blood is thicker than
hot boobs, too.
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00:06:05,581 --> 00:06:07,351
♪ We're in the hugs
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00:06:07,381 --> 00:06:09,051
♪ We're in the hugs ♪
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00:06:09,081 --> 00:06:10,281
Yeah!
(GUNS FIRING)
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00:06:19,014 --> 00:06:22,714
Today, I am putting on
a fashion show
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00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:25,308
to debut my new fashion line,
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00:06:25,348 --> 00:06:27,908
Fee Phi Fo Phe.
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00:06:28,481 --> 00:06:29,811
About Phe Phe.
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00:06:30,481 --> 00:06:32,281
(WHISPERING) Fashion show!
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00:06:32,314 --> 00:06:37,914
This is gonna make me
a household name
in Vegas, baby!
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00:06:37,948 --> 00:06:41,678
As long as people
don't actually need
to see the fashions.
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00:06:41,714 --> 00:06:45,084
See, I hired some gay guysto design my fashion line
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00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:47,314
because, hey,I can't do everything myself.
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00:06:48,648 --> 00:06:50,008
But it turns out,
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00:06:50,048 --> 00:06:52,808
not all gay guys knowhow to design clothes.
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00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,011
How was I supposed
to know that?
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00:06:56,881 --> 00:06:58,681
But at least I have
Adonis here
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to produce this show for me
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00:07:00,181 --> 00:07:03,381
and he is going to make
everything look so amazing
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00:07:03,414 --> 00:07:04,714
that nobody's evengoing to realize
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00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:06,108
there are no fashionsin my fashion show.
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00:07:07,248 --> 00:07:09,278
(ADONIS CHUCKLING
AND WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
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00:07:11,214 --> 00:07:13,614
Hey, baby!
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00:07:13,648 --> 00:07:15,578
I don't see
any decorations
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00:07:15,614 --> 00:07:19,254
or lights or people.
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00:07:19,281 --> 00:07:21,211
Babe, you only gave me
a $100,000 to produce
this show!
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00:07:21,781 --> 00:07:24,681
Invites?
Cost a lot more!
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00:07:24,714 --> 00:07:25,914
Okay.
Yeah.
187
00:07:25,948 --> 00:07:28,148
If people see
tons of decor,
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00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,451
fancy food,
flashing lights,
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00:07:31,148 --> 00:07:33,048
tables, chairs.
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00:07:33,081 --> 00:07:37,181
All that does is distract
from the real star
of the show,
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00:07:38,048 --> 00:07:39,348
Phe Phe.
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00:07:40,014 --> 00:07:40,914
Huh?
193
00:07:42,381 --> 00:07:45,151
Yeah, I hear you!
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00:07:45,181 --> 00:07:46,851
Oh, I know
you hear me.
Mmm-hmm.
195
00:07:46,881 --> 00:07:48,681
But are you
listening?
Oh, yeah!
196
00:07:48,714 --> 00:07:49,854
Oh, yeah.
I heard you.
197
00:07:49,881 --> 00:07:51,751
Okay.
Okay.
198
00:07:51,781 --> 00:07:54,351
Being married to Phe Phe
can be challenging.
199
00:07:54,381 --> 00:07:57,081
I mean, she's always
flooding me with
these questions,
200
00:07:57,114 --> 00:07:59,114
like, "Where're you going
with all that cash?"
201
00:07:59,148 --> 00:08:01,408
"Why you hiding
money in a mattress?"
202
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,778
"Why you got
three different social
security numbers?"
203
00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:06,014
It's like, "Damn, baby!
204
00:08:06,048 --> 00:08:08,278
"You've got to loosen up
that leash a little bit."
205
00:08:08,314 --> 00:08:10,454
Shit, I had more freedom
in the pen!
206
00:08:10,481 --> 00:08:11,951
Looks like my
work here is done.
I'm out of here.
207
00:08:12,314 --> 00:08:13,254
Oh!
208
00:08:14,514 --> 00:08:16,014
You're leaving?
Yo!
209
00:08:17,314 --> 00:08:18,754
You wild boy!
210
00:08:18,781 --> 00:08:20,881
I'm starting to wonder
what Adonis does
211
00:08:20,914 --> 00:08:23,914
with all his spare time
and with all my money.
212
00:08:24,681 --> 00:08:26,181
But I don't wanna be a nag.
213
00:08:27,181 --> 00:08:29,581
Free fashion show!
214
00:08:29,614 --> 00:08:31,454
Come on, get in here, girl!
215
00:08:31,481 --> 00:08:32,881
Come on!
216
00:08:32,914 --> 00:08:36,684
With no fashions,
no decor and man problems,
217
00:08:36,714 --> 00:08:38,254
I was feeling pretty low
218
00:08:38,281 --> 00:08:40,951
before what was supposed
to be my fashion Phe-but.
219
00:08:41,881 --> 00:08:43,111
Not bad enough not to stop
220
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:45,948
and coin that phrase
Phe-but, but still low.
221
00:08:45,981 --> 00:08:47,281
You want to watch
the fashion show?
222
00:08:47,314 --> 00:08:49,084
Luckily, I ran intoan old friend.
223
00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:51,978
Amanda?
224
00:08:52,614 --> 00:08:55,754
Phe Phe!
Oh, my God!
225
00:08:55,781 --> 00:08:59,981
Amanda was my cast-mate
from Hotwives of Orlando.
226
00:09:00,014 --> 00:09:02,454
She had some
addiction problems
that I helped her with.
227
00:09:02,981 --> 00:09:06,251
To Amanda's sobriety!
228
00:09:06,281 --> 00:09:08,211
ALL: (DRUNKEDLY)
To Amanda's sobriety.
229
00:09:10,981 --> 00:09:13,211
Bitch, what are you
doing in Vegas?
230
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:15,578
I'm in town
for an AA convention.
231
00:09:15,614 --> 00:09:19,484
Okay, so it's like
a financial convention.
232
00:09:19,514 --> 00:09:25,454
Um, no it's for alcohols
and addicts and drug heads.
233
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:28,981
I've been doing
so great since I left
Hotwives of Orlando.
234
00:09:29,014 --> 00:09:31,414
I'm clean, I'm sober,
235
00:09:31,448 --> 00:09:35,078
I've even got a small role
on a soap opera,
contingent of my sobriety,
236
00:09:35,114 --> 00:09:37,314
but they're talking about
making me a regular.
237
00:09:38,214 --> 00:09:40,484
So, I'm actually
the keynote speaker
238
00:09:40,514 --> 00:09:44,584
because I've been clean
and sober for 760 days.
239
00:09:44,614 --> 00:09:46,714
Congratulations, girl!
Thank you.
240
00:09:46,748 --> 00:09:49,078
Amanda seemed great!
241
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:53,108
But honestly, I didn't
hear a word she said
242
00:09:53,148 --> 00:09:55,648
'cause I was just waiting
to tell her about my problems.
243
00:09:55,681 --> 00:09:58,011
It's just that
every sign says
244
00:09:58,048 --> 00:09:59,748
Adonis is
robbing me blind,
245
00:10:01,081 --> 00:10:04,081
but my heart says
that's just what love
feels like.
246
00:10:04,848 --> 00:10:07,308
Okay. What would
new Phe Phe say?
247
00:10:07,348 --> 00:10:09,348
Oh, new Phe Phe says,
248
00:10:09,381 --> 00:10:12,781
"Kick that negro
to the curb, girl, okay?
249
00:10:12,814 --> 00:10:15,114
"You are too good
for this."
250
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,448
Okay. And what would
Orlando Phe Phe say?
251
00:10:18,481 --> 00:10:19,611
Orlando Phe Phe
would say,
252
00:10:19,648 --> 00:10:21,608
"You better keep him girl,
he is fine!"
253
00:10:21,648 --> 00:10:24,078
Have you seen him
with his shirt off?
I've never met him.
254
00:10:24,114 --> 00:10:26,084
Old Phe Phe
would also say,
255
00:10:27,081 --> 00:10:28,581
"That dress makes you
look like a manatee
256
00:10:28,614 --> 00:10:29,954
"stuffed into
a school girl uniform."
257
00:10:29,981 --> 00:10:31,851
You should take it off.
258
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:35,311
Okay, well, there's
your answer then.
259
00:10:35,348 --> 00:10:38,178
You know, I would say
that you should go
with new Phe Phe
260
00:10:38,214 --> 00:10:39,754
because your old instincts
are wrong
261
00:10:39,781 --> 00:10:41,181
and they're...
They're really mean.
262
00:10:41,214 --> 00:10:43,084
You are so smart.
263
00:10:43,114 --> 00:10:45,314
You are super, girl!
Thank you.
264
00:10:46,381 --> 00:10:47,681
You know what?
265
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:51,184
You have got to
come with me
to my fashion show.
266
00:10:51,214 --> 00:10:54,254
I insist, girl.
Oh, I don't think
that's a good idea...
267
00:10:54,281 --> 00:10:55,381
No, I insist.
268
00:10:55,414 --> 00:10:56,954
I don't think
it's healthy for me.
You will.
269
00:10:56,981 --> 00:10:59,751
The only things
I've got here
are cocktails.
270
00:10:59,781 --> 00:11:02,511
These are triggers,
these are triggers.
271
00:11:02,548 --> 00:11:05,708
It was so good to see you,
it was so nice to see you.
Nothing can hurt you.
272
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,408
I don't wanna go.
I don't wanna go.
What are you doing?
273
00:11:07,448 --> 00:11:09,508
Is it like a stretch?
Is it like a stretch?
I don't wanna go.
274
00:11:09,548 --> 00:11:11,678
PHE PHE: You're going to have
the time of your life.
AMANDA: Oh, God.
275
00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:13,884
Amanda gave me
a lot to think about,
276
00:11:13,914 --> 00:11:15,714
but the show must go on.
277
00:11:15,748 --> 00:11:18,748
So, by the power
of Phe-magination,
278
00:11:18,781 --> 00:11:21,951
I'm gonna tell everybody
what my fashions
would have looked like.
279
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:24,881
Ha-ha! You can't stop me.
280
00:11:24,914 --> 00:11:28,354
First up we have Jenfer.
281
00:11:28,381 --> 00:11:32,281
Now, if my gayshad done their jobs,
282
00:11:32,314 --> 00:11:35,584
Jenfer would be wearingsomething fabulous right now.
283
00:11:35,614 --> 00:11:40,084
She would've had on,like, a red straplessdress, you know?
284
00:11:40,114 --> 00:11:43,154
And around the bottomwould be, like,champagne died, man.
285
00:11:43,181 --> 00:11:46,951
Yes, clap for my fashions,they're beautiful.
286
00:11:47,481 --> 00:11:48,811
Clap.
287
00:11:48,848 --> 00:11:50,708
Clap, you bitches!
Thank you.
288
00:11:50,748 --> 00:11:54,008
Man, I'm sick as balls
at modelling.
289
00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:57,248
PHE PHE: Oh, look at Lisatake a jab.
290
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,951
It's so weird to be back
in all this, you know.
291
00:12:00,714 --> 00:12:01,854
I'm going to be sick.
292
00:12:02,648 --> 00:12:03,878
Oh, here, take a sip.
293
00:12:04,848 --> 00:12:06,178
Is there alcohol
in this?
294
00:12:06,214 --> 00:12:07,354
I'm pregnant,
what do you think?
295
00:12:08,448 --> 00:12:09,308
Sorry.
296
00:12:11,248 --> 00:12:12,478
(COUGHING)
297
00:12:13,914 --> 00:12:15,914
That's straight vodka.
Mmm-hmm.
298
00:12:15,948 --> 00:12:18,908
No, duh, it was vodka!
I said I was pregnant!
299
00:12:18,948 --> 00:12:20,348
I need something
to get me through
this nightmare.
300
00:12:22,381 --> 00:12:23,811
PHE PHE: Next up,we have Rochelle.
301
00:12:23,848 --> 00:12:25,978
Atta girl,
it's good stuff, isn't it?
302
00:12:26,014 --> 00:12:27,584
(CRYING)
303
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,184
Rochelle would be wearing,like, a wrap.
304
00:12:29,214 --> 00:12:31,314
And it would have,like, a Pegasus horn
305
00:12:31,348 --> 00:12:33,948
and it would give herthe power to fly.
306
00:12:33,981 --> 00:12:36,751
Yes, honey,fly, Rochelle!
307
00:12:37,448 --> 00:12:39,178
And finally, we have Melody,
308
00:12:39,214 --> 00:12:42,214
who would be wearinga Dashiki line
309
00:12:42,248 --> 00:12:44,348
and shrimpand set on fire!
310
00:12:44,748 --> 00:12:46,148
(MUSIC PLAYING)
311
00:12:49,248 --> 00:12:51,848
It meant so much to me
312
00:12:51,881 --> 00:12:56,351
seeing Amanda joining in
on my fashion show
during my hour of need.
313
00:12:56,381 --> 00:12:59,881
It was like old times,having the supportof my old friends.
314
00:12:59,914 --> 00:13:02,214
I like your shrimp.
I like your shrimp.
315
00:13:04,048 --> 00:13:07,448
In the end, I think
the fashion show
was a huge success,
316
00:13:07,481 --> 00:13:09,051
no thanks to Adonis.
317
00:13:09,981 --> 00:13:12,481
Took Amandato open my eyes.
318
00:13:14,214 --> 00:13:16,484
That's what friendship
is really about.
319
00:13:17,848 --> 00:13:19,078
Lifting each other up.
320
00:13:20,181 --> 00:13:21,381
Ready for my speech!
321
00:13:22,614 --> 00:13:23,954
Got your AA right here.
322
00:13:25,014 --> 00:13:27,914
This one's A,
this one's A plus.
323
00:13:32,081 --> 00:13:34,751
ACE: Since Jenfer got to bethe star of a baby shower
324
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:36,051
and a fashion show,
325
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:37,781
I decided to getthe guys together
326
00:13:37,814 --> 00:13:38,954
to celebrate me
327
00:13:38,981 --> 00:13:42,051
with a Dad-achelor party,
328
00:13:42,081 --> 00:13:43,551
which just happens to be
the name of my new pilot
329
00:13:43,581 --> 00:13:45,051
that I'm shooting right now.
330
00:13:45,081 --> 00:13:47,551
So we got togetherat Las Vegas' premiere golfing
331
00:13:47,581 --> 00:13:48,481
and shooting range.
(GUN FIRING)
332
00:13:49,614 --> 00:13:51,184
I saw this video online
with this chick
333
00:13:51,214 --> 00:13:53,614
who's got like
big-ass titties
shooting two machine guns.
334
00:13:53,648 --> 00:13:54,778
Guys, thanks
for being here.
335
00:13:55,648 --> 00:13:57,178
It means a lot... Lester!
336
00:13:57,214 --> 00:13:58,384
Come on, man,
you got to be on me.
337
00:13:59,781 --> 00:14:01,451
This show is coming outof my own pocket,
338
00:14:01,481 --> 00:14:03,181
so I decided to hiresome cheap labor.
339
00:14:03,214 --> 00:14:04,514
Right there.
340
00:14:04,548 --> 00:14:05,708
That's my sister's kid,Lester.
341
00:14:05,748 --> 00:14:07,508
Guys...
What?
342
00:14:07,548 --> 00:14:09,008
Stop shaking,
stop shaking.
343
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:10,408
It's not a bad life
or death thing.
344
00:14:10,448 --> 00:14:11,548
You keep saying, "Guys."
345
00:14:11,581 --> 00:14:12,451
Guys,
346
00:14:13,981 --> 00:14:15,981
thanks for being here,
it means a lot to me.
347
00:14:16,014 --> 00:14:18,814
Let's shoot
some guns, whoo!
348
00:14:18,848 --> 00:14:21,048
I just paid him 20 bucks
and a couple of
expired Vicodin.
349
00:14:22,314 --> 00:14:23,084
I mean, that's a deal.
350
00:14:25,048 --> 00:14:26,348
You know,
I think this kid
351
00:14:26,381 --> 00:14:29,781
is really going to complete
my life and my spin-off show.
352
00:14:29,814 --> 00:14:31,754
No, I'm not too sure
about that, man.
353
00:14:31,781 --> 00:14:34,051
Having a baby
ruins everything.
354
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:36,451
I'm glad I don't have
to worry about that
until I'm a grown up.
355
00:14:36,481 --> 00:14:38,451
Ace is (BLEEP) though.
356
00:14:38,481 --> 00:14:39,911
When we had Lola
last year,
357
00:14:39,948 --> 00:14:42,008
no one cared about me.
358
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:44,948
They just cared about
our fat, beautiful,
magical baby.
359
00:14:44,981 --> 00:14:47,011
Take it from a real
celebrity, guys.
360
00:14:47,048 --> 00:14:50,008
As soon as
we had our kid,
I lost my mojo.
361
00:14:50,048 --> 00:14:52,248
Now, I can't even
get booked in Reno.
362
00:14:52,281 --> 00:14:54,111
Oh, yeah, I have a kid
and a wife.
363
00:14:57,148 --> 00:14:59,608
I thought having a baby
was gonna be
like having a dog.
364
00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:00,778
You know,
just another accessory
365
00:15:00,814 --> 00:15:02,884
to make this guy
more adorable,
366
00:15:02,914 --> 00:15:05,714
but now that I talked
to the guys,
367
00:15:05,748 --> 00:15:06,748
I'm starting
to have my doubts.
368
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,311
Y'all are depressing me.
369
00:15:08,348 --> 00:15:10,178
Hell, my wife
just cut up
all my credit cards.
370
00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:12,981
Well, all the ones
that she knows about.
371
00:15:13,948 --> 00:15:16,478
But I don't bitch! Nah!
372
00:15:18,414 --> 00:15:19,314
I shoot!
373
00:15:22,248 --> 00:15:23,608
(LAUGHING)
374
00:15:23,648 --> 00:15:26,048
Yeah! That's awesome.
375
00:15:26,081 --> 00:15:26,951
Yeah!
376
00:15:28,681 --> 00:15:30,281
(LAUGHING)
377
00:15:30,314 --> 00:15:31,214
Argh!
378
00:15:34,014 --> 00:15:36,414
(IN NERDY VOICE)
Did I do that?
379
00:15:36,448 --> 00:15:39,308
Family Matters.
(LAUGHING)
380
00:15:39,348 --> 00:15:40,978
You mean, did you...
Did you just kill that guy?
Kill that guy?
381
00:15:41,014 --> 00:15:42,214
Yeah, you did do that.
382
00:15:42,248 --> 00:15:43,408
I know, but that Urkel...
(CHUCKLING)
383
00:15:44,114 --> 00:15:45,784
Hey, hey,
hold this for me.
384
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,684
(IN NERDY VOICE)
Are you sure I did that?
385
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,484
Yes, we're sure
that you shot that guy.
386
00:15:49,514 --> 00:15:50,954
Family Matters.
387
00:15:50,981 --> 00:15:52,011
ACE: No, but you don't
need to say that part.
388
00:15:52,048 --> 00:15:53,108
Let me holler at ya'll
in a little while.
389
00:15:53,148 --> 00:15:54,208
I'll catch y'all
around back.
390
00:15:55,514 --> 00:15:56,614
Around back where?
391
00:15:56,648 --> 00:15:57,748
Adonis, you drove.
392
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:04,108
DENISE: I'm a reallyfun person.
393
00:16:04,148 --> 00:16:06,208
But the other ladiesdon't seem to know it yet.
394
00:16:06,248 --> 00:16:08,648
So, I have decided
to throw a little party
395
00:16:08,681 --> 00:16:10,911
that's really going
to hit the jackpot.
396
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,278
Step right up,
step right up,
397
00:16:17,314 --> 00:16:19,314
to the Denise Casino!
398
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:25,514
We've got roulette,
we've got blackjack,
we've got poker.
399
00:16:26,248 --> 00:16:28,248
Pick your poison!
400
00:16:28,281 --> 00:16:30,111
Wait, wait, this is like
a casino party?
401
00:16:30,148 --> 00:16:33,308
Yeah! I know how you guys
all like a theme, so...
402
00:16:34,314 --> 00:16:36,714
But we live
in Las Vegas.
Right.
403
00:16:36,748 --> 00:16:38,108
Why would we come
to a fake casino
404
00:16:38,148 --> 00:16:39,878
when we could just go
to a real casino?
405
00:16:39,914 --> 00:16:41,484
Am I missing
something?
406
00:16:41,514 --> 00:16:42,954
Is it the language
barrier?
407
00:16:42,981 --> 00:16:44,751
Yeah, no,
why don't you just
have your party
408
00:16:44,781 --> 00:16:46,581
at a real casino
'cause that would be fun!
409
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:47,754
ALL: That would be fun!
410
00:16:47,781 --> 00:16:49,081
DENISE: Does a real casino
411
00:16:49,114 --> 00:16:50,754
have a teeny, tiny,
non-working slot machine?
412
00:16:50,781 --> 00:16:51,911
(CHUCKLES)
413
00:16:51,948 --> 00:16:52,908
I don't think so.
414
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:57,408
Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!
415
00:16:57,448 --> 00:17:00,878
Jackpot!
You win jellybeans!
416
00:17:01,614 --> 00:17:04,084
Yay.
Aw... Okay.
417
00:17:07,414 --> 00:17:09,214
This bitch
can't throw a party
to save her life.
418
00:17:09,814 --> 00:17:11,954
Ooh. Ooh.
419
00:17:13,581 --> 00:17:15,411
Um, listen,
we're gonna leave.
420
00:17:16,314 --> 00:17:18,854
We all agreed,
this is the worst.
421
00:17:18,881 --> 00:17:20,311
CALLIE: Yeah, even Ivanka
and I agree
422
00:17:20,348 --> 00:17:21,948
and we don't agree
on anything.
Yeah.
423
00:17:21,981 --> 00:17:23,251
Denise,
it's not your fault.
424
00:17:23,281 --> 00:17:25,051
You know,
there are two kinds
of people in this world.
425
00:17:25,081 --> 00:17:26,711
Those who can throw
a good party
426
00:17:26,748 --> 00:17:28,248
and those who will
probably die alone.
427
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,851
You don't know
how I'm going to die!
428
00:17:29,881 --> 00:17:31,311
I don't know
how you're going to die,
429
00:17:31,348 --> 00:17:33,078
I just know that
you will not have
another person
430
00:17:33,114 --> 00:17:34,614
near you
when it happens.
431
00:17:34,648 --> 00:17:37,178
This is a great party,
you guys just haven't
embraced it yet.
432
00:17:37,214 --> 00:17:41,014
Get into it,
let's turn on some music
and let's just dance!
433
00:17:41,048 --> 00:17:42,978
So embarrassing for you.
Hey, I know.
434
00:17:43,014 --> 00:17:44,454
FIRST LADY: I'm so sad
for you. Thank you.
WOMAN: Loved it.
435
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:45,351
Wait, wait, don't go!
436
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,684
Listen, we're gonna leave.
437
00:17:55,714 --> 00:17:57,384
So embarrassing for you.
Hey, I know.
438
00:17:57,414 --> 00:17:58,984
FIRST LADY: I'm so sad
for you. Thank you.
WOMAN: Loved it.
439
00:17:59,014 --> 00:18:00,254
Wait, wait, wait,
don't go! Wait.
440
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,511
Thank you, Leona.
Thank you.
441
00:18:03,548 --> 00:18:05,248
Look, we can all agree
this was an awful party.
442
00:18:05,281 --> 00:18:06,581
I mean, this was
truly horrible.
443
00:18:06,614 --> 00:18:07,954
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
444
00:18:07,981 --> 00:18:09,951
But you know what?
445
00:18:09,981 --> 00:18:12,151
We're all together,
isn't that nice?
446
00:18:12,181 --> 00:18:13,911
But the problem is,
447
00:18:13,948 --> 00:18:16,108
everybody's fighting
with everybody else.
448
00:18:16,148 --> 00:18:17,978
And it's just,
it's killing me,
it's breaking my heart.
449
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,254
My friends are all I have now.
450
00:18:19,281 --> 00:18:22,211
My 30-year-old son
is grown up
451
00:18:22,248 --> 00:18:24,808
and he's made it very clear
that he doesn't need me
anymore,
452
00:18:25,681 --> 00:18:28,511
but my friends,
they need me.
453
00:18:28,548 --> 00:18:30,778
I want my girls
to be friends again
454
00:18:30,814 --> 00:18:32,554
and the only way
to stop the fighting
455
00:18:32,581 --> 00:18:35,381
is to start fighting
with boxing.
456
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,848
Huh?
What was that?
457
00:18:37,881 --> 00:18:39,451
With boxing.
It's the only way.
458
00:18:40,648 --> 00:18:42,208
That's the only way?
459
00:18:42,248 --> 00:18:46,278
Luckily we live in Vegas
where there is always
a boxer on call, literally.
460
00:18:46,314 --> 00:18:48,384
You just call 1-800-BOXERS
461
00:18:48,414 --> 00:18:50,814
and a boxer will be
to your house in
10 minutes or less.
462
00:18:50,848 --> 00:18:52,408
I mean, I love this town.
463
00:18:52,448 --> 00:18:55,248
Okay, Ivanka, Callie,
you guys are up first, okay?
464
00:18:55,281 --> 00:18:58,851
I want you to think of this
like, like boxing therapy,
all right?
465
00:18:58,881 --> 00:19:00,751
And Mick here,
he's going to help you
466
00:19:00,781 --> 00:19:04,111
talk out your feelings
with your fists, okay?
467
00:19:04,148 --> 00:19:05,578
I don't know
about all that.
468
00:19:05,614 --> 00:19:07,654
Yeah, I'm a boxer.
I don't know anything
about feelings.
469
00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:09,011
I just want to see
ladies hit each other.
470
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,248
(CHUCKLES)
471
00:19:10,281 --> 00:19:11,951
You want to put
your left foot forward, okay?
472
00:19:11,981 --> 00:19:13,411
You keep your hands up
473
00:19:13,448 --> 00:19:14,908
and then you're going to jab.
Jab sets up everything.
474
00:19:14,948 --> 00:19:15,948
Jab. Jab.
I don't understand.
475
00:19:15,981 --> 00:19:17,151
Jab, jab, jab, jab.
476
00:19:17,981 --> 00:19:20,751
After Ivanka slapped me
477
00:19:20,781 --> 00:19:22,281
for touchingmy brother's penis,
478
00:19:22,314 --> 00:19:26,114
a.k.a. no reason,
I had decided
we were through.
479
00:19:26,148 --> 00:19:27,378
Okay, I don't think
this is a good...
480
00:19:27,414 --> 00:19:28,654
(ALL GASPING)
481
00:19:28,681 --> 00:19:30,211
Finish her!
Finish her!
482
00:19:30,248 --> 00:19:32,278
(ALL SCREAMING)
483
00:19:32,314 --> 00:19:36,284
But it did feel good
to talk to her
using my word fists.
484
00:19:38,581 --> 00:19:41,051
Oh, I like
this therapy.
One...
485
00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:42,581
You're healing,
you're healing.
Two...
486
00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:44,754
This feels
very healing to me.
Three...
487
00:19:44,781 --> 00:19:47,051
That was a powerful
conversation.
488
00:19:47,081 --> 00:19:48,711
All right, that was
a good first match.
489
00:19:48,748 --> 00:19:50,208
A lot of times with women,
nobody gets hurt.
490
00:19:50,248 --> 00:19:51,878
Yeah, that was really nice.
That was really...
491
00:19:51,914 --> 00:19:54,814
I wanted First Lady
and Jenfer to go next,
492
00:19:54,848 --> 00:19:56,708
but Jenfer just texted
that she can't come
493
00:19:56,748 --> 00:19:58,678
because her baby
just dropped
494
00:19:58,714 --> 00:20:01,014
and she's drinking
away the pain.
495
00:20:01,048 --> 00:20:04,778
Guess what, babies drop
at the end of a pregnancy.
496
00:20:04,814 --> 00:20:06,484
That means Jenfer
is nine months pregnant.
497
00:20:08,114 --> 00:20:09,654
So when did
she get pregnant?
498
00:20:09,681 --> 00:20:12,711
(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)
499
00:20:12,748 --> 00:20:15,808
June, no. Minus the one.
You got to divide that.
500
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:18,608
So, Phe Phe, Denise,
501
00:20:18,648 --> 00:20:19,978
let's put Chair-nobyl
to rest.
502
00:20:20,814 --> 00:20:22,054
We already did that!
503
00:20:22,081 --> 00:20:24,181
Actually Phe Phe,
I kind of feel like
504
00:20:24,214 --> 00:20:26,784
when you were
insulting my party tonight,
505
00:20:27,648 --> 00:20:29,348
it felt like
that was a lot of shade.
506
00:20:29,381 --> 00:20:31,751
Yeah, I felt that, too,
you two should fight.
507
00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:33,111
I don't even know you,
all right?
508
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,578
You be quiet.
I will knock you out.
509
00:20:35,614 --> 00:20:37,784
Really? Then jump in,
baby, jump in.
510
00:20:37,814 --> 00:20:39,284
You don't know me.
511
00:20:39,314 --> 00:20:40,814
Just by you talking to him
and not really directing it
at me,
512
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:42,078
that feels like shade, too.
513
00:20:42,114 --> 00:20:44,184
Oh, you don't know
shade, honey, okay?
514
00:20:44,214 --> 00:20:46,584
Because you're dealing
with the new Phe Phe
515
00:20:46,614 --> 00:20:50,114
and you're lucky
because the old Phe Phe
516
00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:53,378
throws shade
literally.
517
00:20:53,414 --> 00:20:54,184
(GASPING)
Whoa!
518
00:20:59,414 --> 00:21:01,154
DENISE: Okay,
519
00:21:01,181 --> 00:21:02,951
you want to throw
some literal shade?
520
00:21:02,981 --> 00:21:05,181
I can throw
literal shade, too!
521
00:21:05,748 --> 00:21:08,178
Hey! This tree,
522
00:21:08,848 --> 00:21:10,378
looks pretty shady, huh?
523
00:21:10,414 --> 00:21:12,054
MICK: No, no, no, no!
524
00:21:12,081 --> 00:21:14,381
Like if you stood
under it, maybe,
525
00:21:15,048 --> 00:21:17,148
you wouldn't get
a sunburn!
526
00:21:17,181 --> 00:21:18,881
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
527
00:21:18,914 --> 00:21:21,554
Oh, no! That bitch
did not throw a tree at me!
528
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:22,811
Oh, I did!
529
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:25,808
Okay, you want to
throw shade!
530
00:21:25,848 --> 00:21:29,508
I want to throw shade!
Well, then let's throw shade!
531
00:21:29,548 --> 00:21:31,548
Hey, come on, you don't
want to do that.
532
00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:32,951
Just fight each other.
533
00:21:32,981 --> 00:21:34,681
You want shade?
DENISE: I want it!
534
00:21:34,714 --> 00:21:36,214
Here it comes, bitch!
535
00:21:36,248 --> 00:21:37,478
(SCREAMING)
536
00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:42,081
I once saw a man
kill another man in the ring.
537
00:21:42,114 --> 00:21:44,314
But I've never seen
anything as brutal
as that shade.
538
00:21:44,348 --> 00:21:47,908
Well, I happen to have
brought some shade
to the party tonight
539
00:21:47,948 --> 00:21:49,878
for us to listen to.
PHE PHE: Oh, really?
540
00:21:49,914 --> 00:21:51,584
How's this for shade?
541
00:21:51,614 --> 00:21:55,254
Oh, that's it, oh, my God!
542
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:56,781
Look at that,
you ignorant bitch!
543
00:21:56,814 --> 00:22:00,484
That is Sade! Sade!
544
00:22:01,381 --> 00:22:03,411
Okay, okay,
stop fighting!
545
00:22:04,714 --> 00:22:07,554
You're right,
what are we fighting for?
546
00:22:07,581 --> 00:22:09,511
No, I don't care
about that!
547
00:22:09,548 --> 00:22:11,048
I just figured
something out!
548
00:22:13,114 --> 00:22:15,284
If Jenfer is nine
months pregnant...
549
00:22:16,381 --> 00:22:17,881
Oh, my God!
550
00:22:17,914 --> 00:22:19,014
I know, babe.
551
00:22:19,548 --> 00:22:20,348
That means...
552
00:22:21,814 --> 00:22:23,584
That means...
553
00:22:23,614 --> 00:22:25,554
That means
the baby is mine!
554
00:22:25,581 --> 00:22:27,751
(SQUEALING)
555
00:22:27,781 --> 00:22:28,781
It can't be
possible, right?
556
00:22:28,814 --> 00:22:30,014
No, I don't think so.
557
00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:31,508
Not what I thought
you were going to say.
558
00:22:32,181 --> 00:22:33,511
(SCREAMING)
559
00:22:33,548 --> 00:22:37,908
Sha-la-lom! Matty G here
with the Hotwives cool down.
560
00:22:37,948 --> 00:22:39,948
We're live
from the treehouse
561
00:22:39,981 --> 00:22:43,181
and wow, what an episode
full of terrible violence.
562
00:22:43,214 --> 00:22:45,114
And speaking
of terrible violence,
563
00:22:45,148 --> 00:22:47,948
joining me tonight
is Hotwife of Orlando,
Shawna.
564
00:22:47,981 --> 00:22:50,081
Are you saying
that I'm terrible
at violence?
565
00:22:50,114 --> 00:22:52,784
Cause I'm amazing
at violence, okay?
566
00:22:52,814 --> 00:22:55,114
I will murder you!
You are dead!
567
00:22:55,148 --> 00:22:57,348
Wow, sounds like fun.
Stay tuned.
40891
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