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1
00:00:01,140 --> 00:00:02,870
MATTY: Henry DavidThoreau once wrote,
2
00:00:02,907 --> 00:00:05,707
"Walden Pond ain't got
(BLEEP) on Las Vegas."
3
00:00:05,740 --> 00:00:08,970
And never was that moretrue than last season on
Hotwives of Las Vegas...
4
00:00:10,174 --> 00:00:11,214
To Vegas!
5
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,940
ALL: To Vegas!
6
00:00:12,974 --> 00:00:14,074
Friendships were tested...
7
00:00:14,107 --> 00:00:16,937
Oh, no, dear.
Wine is for winos.
8
00:00:16,974 --> 00:00:19,144
Champagne is
the classier choice.
9
00:00:20,774 --> 00:00:22,974
(GASPING)
10
00:00:25,074 --> 00:00:27,114
I love Las Vegas!
11
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,140
I've never felt
so alive!
12
00:00:33,374 --> 00:00:34,944
MATTY:
Hearts were broken...
13
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:36,470
Kendra is dead.
14
00:00:36,507 --> 00:00:38,007
(SNIFFLING)
15
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:42,940
We should remember this moment
and really value each other.
16
00:00:43,974 --> 00:00:46,314
MATTY: And faces got slapped.
17
00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:47,770
The Hotwives of Las Vegas...
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
18
00:00:47,807 --> 00:00:49,937
All the glitz,
19
00:00:49,974 --> 00:00:51,844
all the glamour,
20
00:00:51,874 --> 00:00:53,514
and all the Vegas.
21
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,540
(RETCHING)
Oh! Oh, my God!
22
00:00:59,607 --> 00:01:01,537
JENFER: I wrote thebook on being awesome.
23
00:01:01,574 --> 00:01:03,174
I just can't read it.
24
00:01:03,207 --> 00:01:05,007
FIRST LADY: I run this town!
25
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,440
Along with actual, real,elected officials.
26
00:01:07,474 --> 00:01:09,374
IVANKA: It's hardbeing perfect.
27
00:01:09,407 --> 00:01:11,537
Just kidding.It's easy for me.
28
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,570
PHE PHE: Las Vegas?
29
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,937
I think you mean"Las Phe-Phe-gas."
30
00:01:16,707 --> 00:01:18,107
LEONA: Menopause?
31
00:01:18,140 --> 00:01:20,210
More like "meno-start-your-engines"!
32
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,740
DENISE: Vegas isa gambling town,
33
00:01:22,774 --> 00:01:25,474
and I never bet on me.
34
00:01:25,507 --> 00:01:27,107
CALLIE: You mightthink you know me,
35
00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:29,210
but you don't, becauseI don't know me.
36
00:01:37,274 --> 00:01:38,314
Hmm.
37
00:01:38,740 --> 00:01:40,310
Mmm.
38
00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:42,110
Get that contour.
39
00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:44,970
They say Vegas is a town
where people get their dreams,
40
00:01:45,007 --> 00:01:47,667
and also drug-resistant
strains of herpes.
41
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,267
And now, both
are true for me.
42
00:01:49,307 --> 00:01:51,137
I'm so lucky!
43
00:01:51,174 --> 00:01:53,374
Ooh, I'm gettin'
married, y'all!
44
00:01:53,407 --> 00:01:54,867
Goddamn, I look good.
45
00:01:55,307 --> 00:01:56,867
I look hot.
46
00:01:56,907 --> 00:01:58,307
All except...
47
00:01:59,807 --> 00:02:01,567
(VOICE TREMBLING)
One part of me.
48
00:02:01,607 --> 00:02:03,637
(SNIFFLING)
49
00:02:03,674 --> 00:02:05,914
Not today.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
50
00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:07,740
I promised myself
I wouldn't cry today.
51
00:02:07,774 --> 00:02:10,914
Being born without
the tippy top of
my pointer finger
52
00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:13,040
and having to
wear a prosthesis
53
00:02:13,074 --> 00:02:15,414
is a hardship I've
struggled with my whole life.
54
00:02:16,707 --> 00:02:19,767
And even though
I've come so far,
55
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,707
I still feel like I struggled
to fit in with the other
girls last year.
56
00:02:22,740 --> 00:02:24,210
Get your finger
out of my face.
57
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:25,810
Get your finger
out of my face!
58
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,640
(BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
59
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,110
Ugh.
60
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,610
I can't put my finger in
any of y'all's faces!
61
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,370
Damn it!
62
00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:38,867
But getting married
to the love of my life...
63
00:02:38,907 --> 00:02:40,867
Now he can be
my finger.
64
00:02:40,907 --> 00:02:42,537
To point in their faces.
65
00:02:42,574 --> 00:02:43,614
ACE: Here we go.
66
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,210
Baby.
Hi, honey.
67
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,510
It's bad luck to see me
before the ceremony.
68
00:02:47,540 --> 00:02:50,640
Well, I just did not
wanna be separated
from you
69
00:02:50,674 --> 00:02:54,314
or any cameras that might
wanna capture me not being
separated from you.
70
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,610
(CHUCKLING)
71
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,210
(SMOOCHING NOISES)
72
00:03:00,307 --> 00:03:01,567
Aw, nice kiss.
73
00:03:01,607 --> 00:03:02,837
Yeah, that's
a good one.
74
00:03:02,874 --> 00:03:06,174
Some people say Ace
is only a fame chaser.
75
00:03:06,207 --> 00:03:08,667
That he doesn't love me, he's
just in it for the spotlight.
76
00:03:08,707 --> 00:03:10,837
But that is some
bull (BLEEP).
77
00:03:10,874 --> 00:03:13,044
Coming! What?
Hmm? Yeah.
Because...
78
00:03:13,074 --> 00:03:15,014
Hey, I'm sorry. I could've
sworn you called me in
79
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,040
from the other room, there.
80
00:03:16,074 --> 00:03:17,914
No.
You didn't?
81
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:20,540
Oh, but I can stay,
I can stay. Thanks for asking.
82
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,870
Yeah.
As I was saying,
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00:03:23,907 --> 00:03:26,067
Ace loves me for me.
84
00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:29,337
And for my hot body,
which is a Disneyland
for dicks.
85
00:03:29,374 --> 00:03:30,474
Yes, it is.
86
00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:33,810
Oopsy daisy.
87
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,440
Oh, I didn't realize
you were pregnant.
88
00:03:35,474 --> 00:03:36,444
Congrats!
89
00:03:36,974 --> 00:03:38,114
What did you say?
90
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,510
Pregnant...
How could I be
91
00:03:42,540 --> 00:03:45,010
eight months pregnant
with Ace's baby
92
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,610
when Ace and I didn't
even get together until
93
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,970
after he and First Lady
broke up, you dumbass?
94
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:52,810
I don't know
those people.
95
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,110
Ace!
96
00:03:54,140 --> 00:03:55,070
Do it!
97
00:03:58,174 --> 00:04:00,344
Get your finger
outta my face.
98
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:03,544
For the sake of me
and all I've been through,
99
00:04:03,574 --> 00:04:06,244
I just hope we can all
get along this season.
100
00:04:06,274 --> 00:04:09,014
Me too. (STAMMERING)
Same thing for me. Absolutely.
101
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,970
I guess you could say
I'm Vegas royalty.
102
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,307
Excuse me,
Miss Stephanie?
103
00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:20,440
Never call me by my
first name!
104
00:04:20,474 --> 00:04:22,344
Address me by my title.
105
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,810
The romaine is ready,
First Lady.
106
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:28,970
Oh! Okay. I love salad.
107
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:31,067
(SIGHS)
You're doing that wrong.
108
00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:37,767
My dead husband was the
mayor of Las Vegas' Strip.
109
00:04:37,807 --> 00:04:41,767
Some people say thatthat's an honorary titlewith no real power.
110
00:04:41,807 --> 00:04:43,167
I don't subscribe to that.
111
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,040
So much has happenedsince last season.
112
00:04:47,074 --> 00:04:50,414
I developed a food line
called Anorexi-Yeah!
113
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,940
You know, I just wanted
to take that word back.
114
00:04:52,974 --> 00:04:55,314
There was such this
negative stink on it.
115
00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:57,810
You know how black people
have (BLEEP),
116
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,340
and, like, the gays
took back (BLEEP)?
117
00:05:00,374 --> 00:05:02,444
I just wanted something
for us white women.
118
00:05:02,474 --> 00:05:04,044
We need something, too.
119
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,810
Anorexi-Yeah! hasso many yummy products,
120
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:11,610
like our aspartamesandwiches, our Water-itasand our Popped Air.
121
00:05:14,574 --> 00:05:16,114
Mmm. Yummy air!
122
00:05:17,507 --> 00:05:22,607
I tend to emotional eat
when I'm nervous or upset.
123
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,010
I'm just a little nervous
about going to Jenfer's
wedding tonight.
124
00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:31,040
Jenfer and I wereinseparable last year.
125
00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:33,274
But we haven't seen muchof each other lately.
126
00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:36,307
She's just been so busy
with her fiance, Ace.
127
00:05:36,340 --> 00:05:39,110
Who used to be
my fiance, Ace.
128
00:05:39,140 --> 00:05:40,910
(SIGHS) I just think
we need to break up.
129
00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:44,440
But why? I love you.
130
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:47,974
I just feel like our storyline
has petered out, you know?
131
00:05:48,007 --> 00:05:50,237
You mean "relationship,"
right?
132
00:05:50,274 --> 00:05:51,474
Yeah! No, that's
what I said.
133
00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:53,670
No, you said...
134
00:05:53,707 --> 00:05:55,267
I gotta go.
All right.
135
00:05:55,307 --> 00:05:56,937
Oh. Oh, okay.
136
00:05:58,374 --> 00:05:59,644
That's it, though.
137
00:05:59,674 --> 00:06:02,014
Oh.
138
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,070
FIRST LADY: Yes, I hadmy suspicions that Aceand Jenfer hooked up
139
00:06:05,107 --> 00:06:07,207
while Ace and Iwere still together.
140
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:11,010
But Jenfer insists that theydid not get together tillafter we broke up.
141
00:06:11,874 --> 00:06:13,614
And I choose to believe her,
142
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:18,070
because gouging out her eyes
in a fit of jealous rage
143
00:06:18,107 --> 00:06:20,707
just wouldn't be a very
First Lady thing to do.
144
00:06:20,740 --> 00:06:24,240
Except if you're NancyReagan. I heard she wasa monster biznatch.
145
00:06:24,274 --> 00:06:26,344
I just really want us all
to get along this year.
146
00:06:32,907 --> 00:06:34,767
Ooh, oh, I like that one.
147
00:06:34,807 --> 00:06:38,937
It's wonderful beingIvanka, and I'm in agreat place this year.
148
00:06:38,974 --> 00:06:42,344
My daughter, Lola's,modeling career has gonethrough the roof and,
149
00:06:42,374 --> 00:06:46,574
as a former model myself,
it means everything
150
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:48,037
to make her live
my dreams.
151
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,944
Right... Ooh!
152
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:52,244
That one is sexy.
I like that one.
153
00:06:53,774 --> 00:06:56,114
Ooh! It's all in the eyes.
154
00:06:56,140 --> 00:06:58,070
Last year... (SIGHS)
155
00:06:58,107 --> 00:07:00,407
It wasn't always easy
with me and my friends.
156
00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:03,040
(GASPING)
157
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:05,744
It's hard for them
to see how, uh,
158
00:07:05,774 --> 00:07:08,274
perfect and beautiful I am.
159
00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:10,537
You know, I just exist
on a higher plane.
160
00:07:10,574 --> 00:07:12,314
I'm European,
I'm beautiful,
161
00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:15,210
my daughter's gorgeous,
my husband's perfect and...
162
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:17,270
I think it was just hard
for them to deal with
163
00:07:17,307 --> 00:07:20,237
the jealousy that
that feeling brought up.
164
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:24,144
The only one who was really
there for me through the
highs and the...
165
00:07:24,174 --> 00:07:25,944
...just slightly
lower highs,
166
00:07:25,974 --> 00:07:28,174
was my husband, Vance.
167
00:07:28,207 --> 00:07:29,267
Ah...
168
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,070
I see you.
169
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:33,470
Darling.
Shh!
170
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:36,840
Ivanka, please.
171
00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:41,944
I am in the middle of one
of the most amazing blowholes
I've ever been a part of.
172
00:07:41,974 --> 00:07:43,874
IVANKA: Vance's show,
Blow for Humanity,
173
00:07:43,907 --> 00:07:46,437
has become one of thebiggest shows in Vegas.
174
00:07:46,474 --> 00:07:51,574
Celine Dion herself
said she couldn't
believe it was a show.
175
00:07:51,607 --> 00:07:53,707
Aw, I really don't want to go.
176
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:56,470
You're really deep
in that blow zone.
177
00:07:56,507 --> 00:07:59,167
But (SIGHS) I told your
sister I'd come visit her.
178
00:07:59,207 --> 00:08:01,367
Oh, my sister?
Yeah.
179
00:08:01,407 --> 00:08:03,507
Give her my love.
180
00:08:03,540 --> 00:08:07,870
Vance's sister, Callie,
has just moved to town,
and they're very close.
181
00:08:07,907 --> 00:08:10,737
So, that is... Nice.
182
00:08:10,774 --> 00:08:13,744
Um, I just hope that
Callie gets along with
the other girls,
183
00:08:13,774 --> 00:08:15,774
and the other girls
get along with Callie,
and that everyone
184
00:08:15,807 --> 00:08:17,467
just gets along this year.
185
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:23,140
CALLIE: Goddess aboveand Hades below,
186
00:08:23,174 --> 00:08:26,874
come forth and suckle
on my supple teat.
187
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,110
I'm Callie Silversan.
188
00:08:30,140 --> 00:08:33,170
I'm home after my divorce.
189
00:08:33,207 --> 00:08:35,507
My ex and I had
religious differences.
190
00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:37,410
He's a Catholic,
and I'm a witch.
191
00:08:38,974 --> 00:08:41,314
My husband, he justdidn't respect me.
192
00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:44,210
Or my beliefs,
or my solstice orgies.
193
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,640
You know, I'm happy bondingwith my sister-in-law, Ivanka,
194
00:08:47,674 --> 00:08:50,574
but she can be
a little judgmental.
195
00:08:50,607 --> 00:08:52,667
Oh, you got a
new cat! So cute.
(MEOWING)
196
00:08:52,707 --> 00:08:54,807
What's its name?
197
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,170
I didn't "get" a cat.
198
00:08:56,940 --> 00:08:59,910
Diantha chose me.
199
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:03,010
Cats are goddesses
who embolden our power.
200
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,570
(EXHALES) It's my religion.
201
00:09:05,607 --> 00:09:08,267
She's always taking
digs at me.
202
00:09:08,307 --> 00:09:11,637
You know, I'm
a peaceful witch, but
there are some things
203
00:09:11,674 --> 00:09:14,974
that you just don't
(BLEEP) with.
Like my cat's name.
204
00:09:15,007 --> 00:09:17,437
I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to insult you.
205
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,374
(CHUCKLING) Maybe it's
because I'm European,
206
00:09:19,407 --> 00:09:21,207
so everything I say sounds
like it's insulting.
207
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,910
No, no.
208
00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:25,740
The important thing is
we both love my brother
209
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,744
more than anything
in the world.
210
00:09:28,774 --> 00:09:32,544
You know, I think Ivanka isa little bit jealous of myrelationship with Vance.
211
00:09:32,574 --> 00:09:35,874
We're very close.
We were inseparable as kids.
212
00:09:35,907 --> 00:09:38,267
We even used to
share the same bed.
213
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,240
I miss that.
214
00:09:40,907 --> 00:09:42,607
DENISE: I'm a former showgirl.
215
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:46,270
I was known as the mostclothed showgirl in Vegas.
216
00:09:46,307 --> 00:09:49,067
'Cause it's what's
left to the eye.
217
00:09:49,107 --> 00:09:50,867
I mean, what's not
left to the eye.
218
00:09:50,907 --> 00:09:52,167
I can't remember my slogan.
219
00:10:00,407 --> 00:10:02,907
What, are you
cleaning glasses? This
is a waste of time.
220
00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:04,640
You just... (SPITS)
And then like this.
221
00:10:04,674 --> 00:10:06,614
That's all you need.
And then it's done.
It's done.
222
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,810
All right. You got it?
Yep. Yep.
223
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,310
All right, you're
doin' great.
224
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:11,870
LEONA: It is not easybeing the matriarch ofthis group of ladies.
225
00:10:11,907 --> 00:10:13,737
I'm happy to
see you guys.
226
00:10:13,774 --> 00:10:16,144
Last year I felt like
it was always up to me
227
00:10:16,174 --> 00:10:18,544
to stop the fighting,
to be the peacemaker.
228
00:10:19,107 --> 00:10:20,337
Just shut your face!
229
00:10:20,374 --> 00:10:22,414
'Cause your
face is ugly.
What?
230
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,070
Girls, stop this fighting.
I hate it, I hate to see this.
231
00:10:26,707 --> 00:10:28,007
Ahhh!
232
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,110
No, you don't
walk away from me!
233
00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:32,940
So this year, I'm just gonna
focus on my business.
234
00:10:33,540 --> 00:10:35,410
It gives me...
235
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:39,040
So much pride and joy.
236
00:10:39,074 --> 00:10:41,874
Oh, Angel. Mickey wants
a big ass in his face.
237
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:44,007
Why don't you put
yours there? All right?
238
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,510
LEONA: Venus' Mound hasreally been growing.
239
00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:48,270
Las Vegas Magazine voted it
240
00:10:48,307 --> 00:10:51,367
"Best Strip Club
Breakfast Buffet."
241
00:10:51,407 --> 00:10:54,137
So, I've been working
on a cookbook.
242
00:10:54,174 --> 00:10:56,474
And I'm also working
on my friendships.
243
00:10:56,507 --> 00:11:00,007
You know, which is why
I invited my neighbor
Denise into this group.
244
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,910
She really needs
some good friends.
245
00:11:02,940 --> 00:11:06,810
I just hope that we can
all get along this year,
246
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,810
because, you know, we women,
we gotta support each other.
247
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,670
Grind up harder
on him, Angel!
248
00:11:11,707 --> 00:11:13,237
I don't pay you
to just sit there!
249
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,570
No, look, look.
250
00:11:15,607 --> 00:11:17,237
This guy wants the ass...
251
00:11:17,274 --> 00:11:19,174
It's ass in crotch.
It's your ass in his crotch,
252
00:11:19,207 --> 00:11:20,637
and a bouncin', a
bouncin', a bouncin'
253
00:11:20,674 --> 00:11:22,614
and look, eye contact.
Eye contact.
254
00:11:27,674 --> 00:11:31,244
Yeah! Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
(BLENDER WHIRRING)
255
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:34,444
DENISE: My name is Denise,and I'm a lot of fun.
256
00:11:34,474 --> 00:11:38,174
Whoo! Let's party!
257
00:11:38,207 --> 00:11:40,737
Ma'am, you called 911.
You said someone was hurt?
258
00:11:40,774 --> 00:11:43,214
I will be hurt, if you
don't stay for a drink.
259
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,570
(BLENDER WHIRRING)
Whoo!
260
00:11:44,607 --> 00:11:48,867
I mean, I'm fun now, 'cause
I'm recently divorced.
261
00:11:48,907 --> 00:11:52,307
(LAUGHING)
(BLENDER STOPS)
262
00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:54,940
Did you want it
on the rocks?
263
00:11:54,974 --> 00:11:57,814
I am starting overand looking for love.
264
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,770
My ex, Carl, just wasn'tthat affectionate.
265
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:03,237
And I was very
loving towards him.
266
00:12:03,274 --> 00:12:06,274
I was always telling him
how much I loved him,
267
00:12:06,307 --> 00:12:10,107
asking how much he loved me,
telling him it wasn't enough,
268
00:12:10,140 --> 00:12:12,170
telling him how disappointing
his love was,
269
00:12:12,207 --> 00:12:14,437
you know, all the
things guys like.
270
00:12:14,474 --> 00:12:17,014
He just didn't fill
up my hug bucket.
271
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,310
That's what I call
my heart. (GIGGLES)
272
00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:22,344
It's just so empty.
273
00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:25,174
Oh, the mailman's
coming at 3:00.
274
00:12:25,207 --> 00:12:28,237
That's why my therapist
got me a real hug bucket.
275
00:12:28,274 --> 00:12:33,674
I just put a quarter in
anytime I get a hug,
and it gets all filled up.
276
00:12:33,707 --> 00:12:35,237
It's almost like I'm happy!
277
00:12:37,307 --> 00:12:39,437
Leona, hi!
Hey!
278
00:12:39,474 --> 00:12:42,214
I am so happy
you're here.
Yes, of course.
279
00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:45,840
Oh, I am so glad
you're here.
280
00:12:45,874 --> 00:12:49,014
Yes! Oh, of course.
And that you're coming to
this wedding with me...
281
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,840
I just get really nervous
around these other girls.
282
00:12:50,874 --> 00:12:52,414
I just really want
them to like me.
283
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,670
And I want you to like
me, do you like me?
284
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,567
Hey, babe, I love you. You've
got a vice grip on my wrist
and I've got weak wrists.
285
00:12:57,607 --> 00:12:59,507
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
I love you like a daughter!
286
00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:01,310
Which is how I feel
about all my girls,
287
00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:03,440
and I will not talk badly
about my daughters.
288
00:13:03,474 --> 00:13:05,614
Oh, I wouldn't want
you to, I'm so sorry.
289
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,710
Why do you have to make me
tell you that you can't
trust Jenfer?
290
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:12,210
I mean, you think I like
saying that Ivanka's a
conceited foreign (BLEEP)?
291
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,340
I didn't make you...
Why you gotta make me
say these things?
292
00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:16,014
I didn't, I only...
293
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,440
That's enough.
294
00:13:17,474 --> 00:13:19,014
I don't think I did.
295
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,270
Let's not do it anymore.
296
00:13:20,307 --> 00:13:21,737
I won't, I promise...
Hold your tongue.
297
00:13:21,774 --> 00:13:23,074
All right?
298
00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:24,507
You ready to
have some fun?
299
00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:26,140
Yeah.
Let's go have some
fun at this wedding!
300
00:13:26,174 --> 00:13:28,474
I'm really afraid
to talk at this point.
301
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:30,807
FIRST LADY: I would like to
introduce you to my former
college roommate...
302
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,640
Prepare to be PhePhe'd.
303
00:13:32,674 --> 00:13:34,014
You're a bitch,
you're a slut,
304
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,410
you're annoying,
you're stupid
305
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,610
and she is sleeping
with your man. Mmm.
306
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,340
PHE PHE: Vegas just gota whole lot Phe Phe-er,
307
00:13:46,374 --> 00:13:49,844
because I just moved to
Vegas, and I'm Phe Phe.
308
00:13:49,874 --> 00:13:54,114
And I've got to be
Phe Phe. (LAUGHS)
309
00:13:54,140 --> 00:13:55,570
Licensed and trademarked.
310
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,907
People may remember meas living and loving
311
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:05,370
in the great city of Orlando.
312
00:14:06,174 --> 00:14:07,774
But...
313
00:14:07,807 --> 00:14:11,107
I had to leave all my
beloved friends behind
314
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:13,070
so that I could go where
the show ratings were higher.
315
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,710
I am still alawyer/taxidermist.
316
00:14:18,740 --> 00:14:21,740
But since the legalsystem basically doesnot exist in Nevada,
317
00:14:21,774 --> 00:14:24,174
I also made myself a judge.
318
00:14:24,207 --> 00:14:26,237
I even have my own
courtroom show.
319
00:14:26,274 --> 00:14:28,944
It's called
You're Guilty, Bitch.
320
00:14:30,407 --> 00:14:32,137
You're guilty...
(COURTROOM GASPING)
321
00:14:32,174 --> 00:14:34,214
Bitch!
(COURTROOM LAUGHING)
322
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,110
Now spin, and spin, and spin!
(CHEERING)
323
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:41,237
I met my new husband,
Adonis, on the show.
324
00:14:41,274 --> 00:14:43,444
I just really wanted
to be with somebody
honest, you know?
325
00:14:43,474 --> 00:14:46,674
After dealing with
my cheating ex, Rodney.
326
00:14:46,707 --> 00:14:51,367
Yes, Adonis was arrested
for grand larceny,
but you know what?
327
00:14:51,407 --> 00:14:54,667
I like everything
in my life to be grand.
328
00:14:54,707 --> 00:14:56,337
Ha!
329
00:14:56,374 --> 00:14:59,314
This is Phenomenon Reed, Esq.
How can I help you?
330
00:14:59,340 --> 00:15:03,070
Besides, Adonis hasturned over a new leaf
331
00:15:03,107 --> 00:15:06,107
and gotten a new job
as my producer.
332
00:15:06,140 --> 00:15:08,970
You know, producing
things I do.
333
00:15:09,007 --> 00:15:10,467
I need your checkbook.
334
00:15:11,207 --> 00:15:13,037
What for?
335
00:15:13,074 --> 00:15:15,874
I am producing a
Rolls-Royce for you, baby.
336
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:17,940
So I can drive it.
337
00:15:18,374 --> 00:15:19,474
Surprise!
338
00:15:19,507 --> 00:15:21,637
(GIGGLING)
339
00:15:21,674 --> 00:15:23,314
But, I, um...
340
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,010
I don't really want
a Rolls-Royce.
341
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,440
Baby, that's what
producing is.
342
00:15:28,474 --> 00:15:33,474
Knowing what my lady wants for
me, before she even knows it.
343
00:15:33,507 --> 00:15:35,467
(GIGGLING)
344
00:15:35,507 --> 00:15:36,937
Thank you.
345
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:38,740
That checkbook?
346
00:15:38,774 --> 00:15:40,144
Oh, yeah, yeah,
that's here.
347
00:15:40,174 --> 00:15:43,144
You know, looking back
on the Orlando Phe Phe,
348
00:15:43,174 --> 00:15:46,544
I could sometimes say
things that weren't nice.
349
00:15:46,574 --> 00:15:50,844
But the new Phe Phe
doesn't say things just
because they're on her mind.
350
00:15:50,874 --> 00:15:53,344
It turns out, that
can hurt someone.
351
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,240
(CONNECTING TONE)
352
00:15:56,274 --> 00:15:58,744
PHE PHE: Jenfer!
Oh, Phe Phe, thank
God you answered.
353
00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:01,344
Yeah, no, girl, I'm in
the car right now. I'm
on my way to your wedding.
354
00:16:01,374 --> 00:16:04,444
Girl, I'm gettin'
a little cold feet.
355
00:16:04,474 --> 00:16:09,214
Look, the old Phe Phe
would have told you
to run, girl,
356
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,110
because Ace has been
in more girls than
a dildo in a whorehouse.
357
00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:14,710
But the newPhe Phe would say...
358
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,040
It's all gonna
be all right.
359
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:20,170
That's very hurtful,
but right.
360
00:16:20,207 --> 00:16:23,307
Yeah, you'll be all right.
361
00:16:23,340 --> 00:16:26,470
Damn! The new Phe Phe is
way better at being nice
362
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:29,137
than any of these
broken-ass bitches.
363
00:16:29,174 --> 00:16:32,374
An idea for a new spinoff
show, Here Comes The Bro.
364
00:16:32,407 --> 00:16:34,407
Like, what's this
knucklehead gonna do
when he becomes a groom?
365
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:35,340
I'm just spitballin' here.
366
00:16:35,374 --> 00:16:37,344
(WAILING)
367
00:16:37,374 --> 00:16:38,914
(BLUBBERING)
Oh, my God!
368
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:42,210
(SOBBING)
369
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,470
It was an
elegant ceremony.
370
00:16:53,507 --> 00:16:57,507
I got this famous Vegas act,Bill and Shasta, to officiate,
371
00:16:57,540 --> 00:17:02,440
and there was wonderful music,
fancy flowers, and I got
these two little girls
372
00:17:02,474 --> 00:17:04,874
to walk down the aisle
as my flower girls.
373
00:17:04,907 --> 00:17:06,967
I mean, I would've just
asked my daughters,
374
00:17:07,007 --> 00:17:08,637
but I'm not allowed
to see them again.
375
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:13,070
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
376
00:17:16,007 --> 00:17:18,037
As I walked down the aisle,
377
00:17:18,074 --> 00:17:20,314
it was awesome seeing
all my best friends,
378
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,270
as well as some of
the other people
379
00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:24,367
the producers of the show have
deemed are my friends, now.
380
00:17:28,307 --> 00:17:30,867
FIRST LADY: I hadn't seenJenfer since Ace and Ibroke up a few months ago.
381
00:17:30,907 --> 00:17:32,537
And I felt so...
382
00:17:32,574 --> 00:17:33,914
(SIGHS)
383
00:17:33,940 --> 00:17:37,940
Betrayed by my friends
that they didn't tell me
384
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:39,574
how fat she'd gotten!
385
00:17:42,774 --> 00:17:44,444
Seeing that made mefeel really good.
386
00:17:51,474 --> 00:17:52,874
Ace?
387
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,007
ACE: Let's do this!
388
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,140
(ELECTRO WEDDING
MARCH PLAYING)
389
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,440
(JENFER SIGHING)
390
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:06,774
JENFER: I was totally finewith Ace wanting to walkdown the aisle last.
391
00:18:06,807 --> 00:18:09,207
Stand up, please.
Stand up.
392
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,470
You did it for her.
You know, come on.
393
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,537
I mean, why should I be the
only one in the spotlight?
394
00:18:14,574 --> 00:18:16,644
Is a point he made
several times.
395
00:18:16,674 --> 00:18:18,474
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
396
00:18:22,574 --> 00:18:24,174
You look breathtaking.
397
00:18:24,207 --> 00:18:25,337
So do you.
398
00:18:25,374 --> 00:18:29,014
BILL: Dearly beloved.
Marriage is a sacred bond
399
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,470
that two people enter into.
400
00:18:31,507 --> 00:18:34,907
Yeah, I've been bonded to
this jackhole for 20 years.
401
00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:38,410
His hand is so far
up my butt, I've got
hemorrhoids in my mouth!
402
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:39,770
(LAUGHING)
403
00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:41,567
(ALL LAUGHING)
BILL: Shasta!
404
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,440
Do you,
Jenfer, take Ace,
405
00:18:51,474 --> 00:18:54,044
to have and to hold,
for better or for worse...
406
00:18:54,074 --> 00:18:55,714
Here come the waterworks.
407
00:18:55,740 --> 00:18:58,140
For richer, for poorer.
408
00:18:58,174 --> 00:19:00,114
Emphasis on the
"poorer"!
409
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,810
For us, the "richer" got
gambled and drank away!
410
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:03,940
Shasta!
411
00:19:03,974 --> 00:19:06,074
(ALL LAUGHING)
412
00:19:06,107 --> 00:19:08,737
All joking aside, his
alcoholism is crippling.
413
00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:10,474
I don't know how much longer
I can stay with him!
414
00:19:12,607 --> 00:19:15,507
Aw, Vance, so romantic.
415
00:19:18,007 --> 00:19:20,937
My hands were cold.
He's warming them up for me.
416
00:19:20,974 --> 00:19:23,244
Of course I hold
my sister's hand.
417
00:19:23,274 --> 00:19:25,774
She has poor circulation.
418
00:19:25,807 --> 00:19:28,067
What's next? You're gonna
tell me it's weird when she
puts it in my pocket?
419
00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:31,640
This is so classy, right?
420
00:19:31,674 --> 00:19:34,574
And everybody's really
getting along, so, you
know, there's that.
421
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,007
(SIGHING)
422
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,440
They're so in love.
Mmm-hmm.
423
00:19:39,574 --> 00:19:41,014
I'll never have this.
424
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,940
No, I can't see
that you will.
425
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:45,944
I'm gonna take a picture
to remind myself of that.
426
00:19:45,974 --> 00:19:47,214
Save my chair.
Okay.
427
00:19:48,774 --> 00:19:49,614
DENISE: Hi!
428
00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:54,040
Too close.
Don't let me bother you.
429
00:19:54,074 --> 00:19:55,644
Just gonna...
(CAMERA CLICKING)
430
00:19:55,674 --> 00:19:57,114
Get your ass
back to your seat.
431
00:19:57,140 --> 00:19:58,510
Okay, I'm just gonna
go back to my seat.
432
00:20:01,774 --> 00:20:02,874
(GASPS)
433
00:20:05,307 --> 00:20:08,907
DENISE: That was my chair.Why was Phe Phe sitting in it?
434
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:11,910
(STAMMERING) It just didn't
make any sense to me.
435
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:14,370
I mean, who, who takes
someone else's chair?
436
00:20:15,307 --> 00:20:16,337
That's my chair.
437
00:20:18,074 --> 00:20:20,914
I don't see your
name on it, so...
438
00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:23,710
I know, I'm the
new, nice Phe Phe,
439
00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:25,840
but I can only
be pushed so far,
440
00:20:25,874 --> 00:20:28,344
and a chair is where
I draw the line.
441
00:20:29,307 --> 00:20:31,107
But...
442
00:20:31,140 --> 00:20:34,110
But where am I supposed to
sit? There's nowhere to sit...
443
00:20:34,140 --> 00:20:36,910
Denise, Phe Phe,
stop fighting!
444
00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:39,770
On your faces,
emotions look so ugly.
445
00:20:39,807 --> 00:20:41,807
Neither of you should
have the chair.
446
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,770
You should burn it,
and make love to the ashes.
447
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:45,267
I... I can't...
448
00:20:45,307 --> 00:20:47,067
IVANKA: Burn the chair.
CALLIE: Burn the chair.
449
00:20:47,107 --> 00:20:48,267
Yeah, burn the chair.
Burn the witch!
450
00:20:48,307 --> 00:20:50,907
I am not burning the
chair. That's crazy.
451
00:20:50,940 --> 00:20:52,640
I am not crazy.
452
00:20:52,674 --> 00:20:53,844
Nobody called
you crazy.
453
00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:56,544
What is going on, y'all?
I can't believe this.
454
00:20:56,574 --> 00:20:58,114
(TOGETHER) It's my day!
455
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:04,340
(EXHALES) Can't you just let
me have this one normal thing?
456
00:21:04,374 --> 00:21:05,514
JENFER: Ugh!
457
00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:06,870
(SOBBING) One thing.
458
00:21:06,907 --> 00:21:09,967
I just asked for one thing!
459
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:13,907
(BLUBBERING)
One thing! One!
460
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,910
I wanted to run
after my friend.
461
00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:19,310
But there was no way
I was leaving that
chair behind.
462
00:21:19,340 --> 00:21:20,470
(SCOFFING)
463
00:21:20,507 --> 00:21:22,237
(WAILING)
464
00:21:22,274 --> 00:21:24,444
(ALL ARGUING)
IVANKA: Phe Phe, you
cannot just walk...
465
00:21:24,474 --> 00:21:26,174
...into Las Vegas and start
taking people's chairs.
466
00:21:26,207 --> 00:21:27,937
I heard you all.
LEONA: Girls...
467
00:21:29,274 --> 00:21:31,144
This is not the time
or the place!
468
00:21:31,174 --> 00:21:35,274
ALL: (CHANTING)
Burn the chair!
Burn the chair!
469
00:21:35,307 --> 00:21:37,707
Burn the chair!
Burn the chair!
470
00:21:37,740 --> 00:21:42,110
(SCREAMING)
471
00:21:42,140 --> 00:21:44,440
You know, despite
everything that happened
472
00:21:44,474 --> 00:21:47,344
and the fact that none
of us are getting along,
473
00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:49,614
I really think we're all
gonna get along this year.
474
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,210
MATTY: This season on
Hotwives of Las Vegas...
475
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,040
There are two kinds of
people in this world.
476
00:21:54,074 --> 00:21:55,714
Those who can throw
a good party,
477
00:21:55,740 --> 00:21:56,940
and those who will
probably die alone.
478
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:01,310
Oh!
Oh!
479
00:22:01,340 --> 00:22:02,440
I hear you.
480
00:22:02,474 --> 00:22:03,614
I know you
hear me...
481
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:04,810
Mmm-hmm.
But are you
listening?
482
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,110
Oh, yeah.
483
00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:07,610
(MIMICKING RINGING
SLOT MACHINE)
484
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:08,510
Jackpot!
485
00:22:09,574 --> 00:22:11,244
(KISSING)
486
00:22:11,274 --> 00:22:13,314
Is anyone even looking
at me anymore?
487
00:22:13,340 --> 00:22:15,610
You've gotta do
what makes you happy.
488
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,070
(RIPPING)
(YELLING IN PAIN)
489
00:22:17,107 --> 00:22:18,367
(GASPING) (SCREAMING)
490
00:22:18,407 --> 00:22:19,407
(SCREAMS)
491
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,510
Wow!
492
00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:21,740
Amanda?
493
00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:22,814
(CHUCKLING)
Phe Phe!
494
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,210
(MACHINE GUN FIRING)
(LAUGHING)
495
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,670
(GASPING) Oh!
(DISTANT SCREAMING)
496
00:22:25,707 --> 00:22:28,167
Did I do that?
497
00:22:28,207 --> 00:22:30,637
I don't need my bipolar
meds anymore. Nope.
498
00:22:30,674 --> 00:22:32,074
(SCREAMING IN SLOW MOTION)
499
00:22:32,107 --> 00:22:33,507
I've asked you
not to do that.
500
00:22:33,540 --> 00:22:35,670
There's a rumor going around
that Jenfer and Ace cheated
on you.
501
00:22:35,707 --> 00:22:38,907
You piece of trash!
502
00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:41,710
No guy can resist
this piece of ass.
503
00:22:41,740 --> 00:22:42,670
I just wanna see
ladies hit each other.
504
00:22:42,707 --> 00:22:43,737
That's enough!
505
00:22:43,774 --> 00:22:44,944
(GASPING)
506
00:22:44,974 --> 00:22:46,444
Stop trying to take
my baby!
507
00:22:46,474 --> 00:22:47,274
Quick right!
I don't think this
is a good...
508
00:22:47,307 --> 00:22:48,207
Oh!
509
00:22:49,574 --> 00:22:52,244
I know that bitch did not
throw a tree at me!
510
00:22:52,274 --> 00:22:53,344
(SCREAMING)
511
00:22:53,374 --> 00:22:55,014
This is not about you!
512
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,340
(LAUGHING) Yeah. That is very
funny.
513
00:22:56,374 --> 00:22:58,274
And I don't usually
love comedy.
37252
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