All language subtitles for Wacky Races s06e12_English

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

Hey, hey, hey,
Wacky Race fans!

Hold on to your hats.

Because we're all about to
see the impossible.

Dick Dastardly,
the cheatingest racer
of all time,

is about to win the first race
ever without using
a single cheat.

-Really?
-Wow.

That's a blood-curdling shock.

Tiny electrified.

-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
-(SHUDDERS, LAUGHS)

-(GASPS)
-I know. I can hardly
believe it myself.

And here... they... come!

(YELLING)

Whoo. Huh?

Uh-oh.

Guess this is my lucky day.

(YELLING)

BRICK: So... darn... lucky.

Well done, Muttley!

Nothing can stop us now!

(SNICKERING)

-(PHONE RINGS)
-Huh?

MAN: (ON PHONE)Agent Muttley. We need you.

-Where are you going,
you treacherous terrier?
-(SNICKERING)

I'm winning!

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

PETER: Oh, it's too bad.
TINY: Sorry.

(SNICKERING)

Where are you going, Muttley?

How dare you slink off
while I am soliloquizing!

(YELLING)

It's your fault that I lost!

Yes, I say that a lot
but this time,
it's actually true.

(GRUNTS)

(NINJAS YELLING)

DASTARDLY:
What's going on?

Why is your house
infested with ninjas?

They get into everything.

(GROWLS)

(EXCLAIMING)

(NINJAS GRUNTING)

This is why everybody
hates art!

(GRUNTING)

Don't leave me!
I'm allergic to ninjas!

-(ALERT BLARING)
-COMPUTER:Intruder alert.

Extreme counter-measures engaged.

(YELLING)

Oh, that's not so bad.

(YELLING)

(SNICKERING)

How can you afford all this
on the paltry pittance
I pay you?

CHIEF:Ah. Good afternoon, Agent Muttley.

Agent Muttley? Where?

CHIEF:Hmm. I have bad news.

The Secret Creepy Hangout and Taco Shop for Icky Criminal Krumbs

known as S.C.H.T.I.C.K. is back in business, hmm,

led by your arch enemy Dr. Doomsdoctor.

Supervillain, thief, cliche, over-actor.

Oh, I can't beat over-acting!

Mmm. Dr. Doomsdoctor is building a doomsday machine

which will crash the moon into the Earth.

Agent Z was assigned this casebut has been captured by S.C.H.T.I.C.K. agents.

Your mission is to rescue Agent Z,

and stop Dr. Doomsdoctor by any means possible.

This includes a license to snicker,

and the use of super-secret spy gadgetry.

The first item is an all-purpose tracking unit.

What shoddy workmanship.
I bet it doesn't even explode.

-(CLICKS)
-(GROANS)

CHIEF:A pair of high-tech nose hair trimmers.

They're also eyebrow trimmers.

You wash them.

What's so great about this?

So, it shoots shaving cream.

Ooh, not just any shaving cream, dear boy.

-This shaving cream dissolves stuff.
-(YELPS)

-And a jet pack.
-Give me that!

Oh, clearly
an inferior product.
(SNICKERS)

They're still using
the Iridium Q-36
engine igniter.

(LAUGHS)
These things never work.

-(YELLING)
-(GLASS SHATTERS)

(DASTARDLY WHIMPERING)

-And the indoor ejector chair.
-What?

(YELLING)

Yes. And finally, your spy jet.

A jet? Are you kidding me?

(DASTARDLY YELLS)

Good luck, Agent M.

The world is counting on you.

(SNICKERING)

(SNICKERING)

DASTARDLY: I can't believe
that you're a secret agent.

Or that you have a jet.
You don't have a theme song,
do you?

Oh, tell me you don't have
a theme song.

-(SNICKERS)
-(BEEPS)

♪ Double K-9

♪ He is the spy who's got charisma and fleas

♪ Double K-9 ♪

(SNICKERING)

Oh, so what? I have one, too.

♪ It's time for Uncle Dickie Dickie Uncle Dickie

♪ It's time for tricksies and some lessons for the day

♪ It's time for dancy doggies,happy froggies, slimy boogies

♪ It's time for all the kiddies to come out and play ♪

(PHONE RINGING)

Agent M.

We meet again.

(GROWLS) Razzle-frazzle,
razzle-frazzle-razzle.

None of your usual witty banter, my old foe.

(GROANING)Turn back now, or suffer...

(GROANS)

...the terrible consequences.

Oh, yes?
What kind of consequences,
mmm?

Angry faces?
Some light taunting?
Penelope singing?

I will blast you out of the sky!

Ten, nine, eight...

That's good enough
for me. Muttley,
turn this thing around.

-Mmm-mmm.
-DR. DOOMSDOCTOR:Five, four, three, two...

One!

Time's up! Missiles!

I'm doomed!

And it's all your fault again!

(DASTARDLY SCREAMING)

Parachutes!

(DASTARDLY SCREAMING)

Parachutes!
Where are the parachutes?

(YELPS) A precipitous person
has pilfered the parachutes!

This is too much.
I need some air.

Too much air!

(DASTARDLY SCREAMING)

Hmm? Hmm.

(GRUNTS)

(DASTARDLY SCREAMING)

(DASTARDLY GASPS)

If you think I'm going to
let you save me, think again.

I am still in charge,
and I can save myself!

(DASTARDLY SCREAMING)

(COW MOOING)

DASTARDLY: Ow.

(SNICKERING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROWLS)

I got here first.

I am the hero. (YELPS)

What took you so long,
comrade agent?

You courageous fool!

You walked right into trap
to save me at the risk of
your own beautiful life.

Well, if that muttering
mongrel impresses you,

you're in for
a tantalizing treat.

Dick Dastardly here.
Muttley's employer
and superior.

No one is superior
to Agent Muttley.

(SNICKERING)

MAN: Well, well.
The famous Agent Muttley.

How I have wanted to meet you.

And so has my ruthless and
evil sidekick, Nighty Night.

(GROWLING)

-(SNORING)
-Oh, wake up, Nighty Night.
It's time for villainy.

(YELPING)

AGENT Z:
Nighty Night, Night Night.
Go to sleep now, you bad guy.

-(SNORING)
-Oh, not again.

Wake up, Nighty Night.
Wake up!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Muttley, this is all...
Ooh, stars.

And pixies.
Hello, pixies.

(SNICKERING)

(MUTTLEY GRUNTING)

AGENT Z: Comrades, look!
There are
the S.C.H.T.I.C.K. henchmen

loading the Doomdoctor's
doomsday machine
on to a submarine.

That seems like
an unlikely coincidence.

Oh, stop doing that!

Agent Muttley,
why do you associate
with such an amateur?

Meh.

Hurry! We must follow!

(SNICKERING)

But we don't even know
where they're going!

Don't be a fool!
They are going there!

Oh, I've always wanted
a skull-shaped island.

(GROANS)

(SNICKERING)

What kind of fancy
bath toy is this?

Surely, you have some
state-of-the-art cheats.

Oh, look at that
big red button!
(EXCLAIMS)

That's more like it! I'll bet
it does something cheaty.

No, no, no, no, no.

-(BUZZES)
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(SCREAMING)

Seriously, you really
hang out with that guy?

Did you lose bet or something?

(SNICKERING)

Oh, show off.

(MUTTLEY SNICKERING)

According to tracker,
the doomsday machine
is just around corner.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

(APPLAUDING)

(SNORING)

Schnitzen!

Hello, hi? Is this on?

Well, I just want to thank everyone for coming

to our pre-destroying-the-world team building dance party.

(APPLAUDING)

Before we start the disco contest,

I just want to thank you all for your hard and ultimately self-destructive work,

and remind everybody I'm stillwaiting for a few people

to pitch in their share for the cookies and punch.

Yeah, I'm looking at you, Frank.

Can somebody make sure the new guys pay? Yeah. You in the back.

Maybe we should dance?

We? (SCOFFS)
I will not dance with you.

That was never an option.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

(APPLAUDING)

(APPLAUDING)

(GROANING)

Huh?

(EXCLAIMING)

Uh-huh.

(CHUCKLES)

(PANTING)

And the winner is couple number 12!

Oh, that's us!
Oh, thank you all so much!

-(YELLS)
-I can't believe it.

You put your heart
and your passion hoping
for a day like this.

But you never expect
that it's really, really
going to come.

(ALL GASP)

(LAUGHING)

Once and again, Agent Muttley
falls into my trap.

This was all a trap?

Of course, it was trap,
amateur.

Guards! Take them
to the torture chamber!

You'll love it.
We just re-decorated.

Can I keep the trophy?

Nein.

(MUTTLEY'S THEME SONG PLAYING)

-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
-(EXPLOSIONS)

(PEOPLE CONTINUE SCREAMING)

(EXPLOSIONS)

Hey there,
hi there, ho there,
Wacky Race fans!

This is big, bad
Brick Crashman

right in the middle
of the wildest, craziest,

least appropriate for
children's television race
we've ever done.

(GRUNTING)

SANTA: Ho-ho-ho.

This kind of plot-less
rough housing is

just not suitable
entertainment.

Someone could get...

(SCREAMING, GROANING)

That's it. This show is...

(RACERS YELLING)

This really is the best race
we've ever had,
isn't it, Petey?

Oh, it really is.

I wonder what's
different about it.

Dastardly is not here.

As a matter of fact,
I haven't seen him
since the last episode.

How long ago was that?

A minute and a half
not counting commercials.

This is a two part-er.

Commercials? Bad.

But then, where is Dicky?

(BRICK GROANING)

He and Muttley are off
on a super cool adventure

to save the world.

You mean that Dastardly
found out that Muttley

has secretly been leading
a double life as a jetsetting
international superstar?

-(SCREAMING)
-And he has been
caught up

in an exciting adventure
to stop a crazy villain
from using

a giant magnet to pull
the moon from its orbit

and destroy the world?

(SCREAMING)

And at the end
of the last episode,

Dastardly, Muttley
and the beautiful
exotic Agent Z

were captured and are about
to face a terrible fate

at the well-manicured hands
of a captivatingly handsome
captor?

-Why, yes, they are.
-(CAT YOWLS)

That was a really
good guess.

Except for the part
about the bad guy
being handsome.

That's not true.
Why would you say that?

He's so very,
very handsome.

-(SCREAMING)
-But, wait.

Some of those locations

and super cool spy stuff
look pretty expensive.

How can this show
afford them?

Well, it turns out
these two-part episodes
save a lot of money.

Especially on
background painting.

(SCREAMING)

(SNICKERING)

(JAMES BOND THEME
MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Welcome to my
torture chamber/
man cave.

Have you had enough,
my helpless prisoners

or would you like to watch
the first episode again?

Not that!
Anything but that.

It's like someone dumped
hot garbage on my brain.

Do not insult garbage,
you amateur.

How did you do that
with your hands tied up?

-Like this.
-(GROANING)

(CAT YOWLS)

Oh, she slaps you a lot.

-I'm Russian.
-Russian?

Well, if won't matter
if you're in a hurry

after I use this giant
magnet mechanism to pull
the moon down from orbit

and destroy the world.

(ALL CHOMPING)

Oh, thank you.
Oh, really?

I couldn't have done it
without my evil minions.

Did everyone get a bagel?

Your minions do realize
your insane scheme will
destroy them as well.

Yeah, but it really is amazing
what people would do
for a free bagel.

I have something
extra special for you...
(GASPS)

For you, agent Muttley.

I call it
"The Terrible Tickle Table."

(ALL GASPING)

Muttley, this is
all your fault.

(GROANING)

Don't be rude.

(SNICKERING)

Oh, yes, of course,
you'd take her side
you half-baked covert cur.

It's clear you'd rather be off
wasting your time

adventuring,
wearing tight suits,

and saving democracy
with this egregious agent

rather than driving very fast
in a circle with me.

Meh.

How dare you?

I've had enough of this.

You may consider
your employment with me
at an end.

Is it possible you guys
can work this out later?

I've got a world to destroy
and I'm kind of
on a tight schedule.

Wait, Dr. Dooms Doctor.
Before you activate
your terrible machine,

I have something
to show you.

(SNICKERING)

That's impossible.

You're tied to Irving.
Or Tickle Table,
I don't know.

You are no match for my
darling Agent Muttley.

Get him, my minions!

(MINIONS YELLING)

(MUTTLEY SNICKERING)

(GULPS)

Well done, Nightynight.

(SNORING)

You may be clever,
Agent Muttley,

but you're no match
for...Me?

Wait! How?

I'm confused.

(SNORING)

(SNICKERING)

(SCREAMING)

(GASPS)

(SNICKERING)

(SNORING)

(GROWLING)

See? I told you
he was handsome.

Oh, look who's talking,
hot stuff.

This is fun.

Ugh! Not anymore.

And it looks like
Muttley's mad
secret agent skills

have thrown
the evil Doom's
plans into chaos.

The handsome
evil villain, you mean.

(WARBLING)

I'll take center square
to block.

(EVIL LAUGH)

Exit. Stage impossible even.

-(CRASHING)
-Ouch!

(HOWLING IN PAIN)

This is my real face,
you diabolical day player.

Amateur.

Not so fast,
Agent Muttley!

Huh?

Step away
from that button

if you want
to save your friend.

Well, I think "friend"
is overstating it.

Muttley! I order you
to sacrifice the world
and save me!

(GROANS)

You fired him. Rember?

Muttley! I'm re-hiring you.

Now, as your employer,
I order you to save me.

Don't listen to him.

Muttley!

Enough! Make your choice,
Agent Muttley.

The world
or this, um, person?

(GRUNTS)

I cannot believe
you chose this

cockeyed Cossack
over the entire world.

And I'm still a prisoner.

Muttley, this is
all your fault.

You're fired again.

(GRUMBLES)
Razzle, frazzle, razzle.

So, Dr. Dooms Doctor,

do you expect us to talk?

No, Agent Z.
I expect you to giggle.

(LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

DR. DOOMS DOCTOR:
Fire the moon magnet.

(LAUGHING)
This is going
to be fun!

BOTH:Sacre bleu!

-Oh, no.
-Oh, man. We're American now.

(MUMBLING)

Agent Muttley, my darling,

please just do
one thing for me

before we are horribly
and utterly destroyed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Give Dastardly shave.
-What?

His mustache smells
like nose cheese.

Not my mustache! (SOBS)

My mother gave me this.

(SNICKERING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

Stop them,
my evil minions.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS AND GROANS)

(EXCLAIMING)

I'll handle these
no-goodniks, my darling.

You destroy
the moon magnet.

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

What are you doing,
you half-wit henchman?

(GRUNTS)

What is it, darling?

You wish to tell me
something about Dastardly?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(WHISPERING)

(ANGRILY) He said what?

Uh-oh.

(YELLING)

(WHIMPERING)

(GRUNTS)

(RUMBLING)

Muttley! You did it!

You may think
you've won the day,
Agent Muttley,

but in a few seconds,
the island will explode,

leaving only one way out.

Through the roof, up there.

Und I seem to be
the only one here

with a set of
very cool wings.

(EXCLAIMING)

(SHOUTING)

(GROANING)

(LAUGHING)

(DIGITAL BEEPS)

(DR. DOOM DOCTOR
CONTINUES LAUGHING)

(SNICKERING)

Agent Muttley,
again you've saved the world.

And while I yearn
for us to be together,

duty calls, and I must
continue the endless fight
against evil.

Won't you come with me?

Oh, well, that's fine.

Huh, go ahead
if you want to.

I won't miss you at all.

(GRUNTING IN CONFUSION)

(WHINING)

(SNIFFLES)

Uh-uh.

I understand, noble one.

Your place is here
with the one
who needs you most.

There must be more good in you
than I thought

for one so noble
to hold you
in such esteem.

Well, I admit I do...
(GROANS)

You disgust me.

And your mustache smells
like boiled cabbage
under wet sheep.

You know, I'm going to...
(GROANS)

How does she do that?

(SNICKERING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)