Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

PENELOPE: Yeah, let's go!

BRICK: Hey, hey, hey!

It's big Brick Crashman here in sunny California,

as our racers roll along the final leg of the San Francisco... Oh.

Skedaddle!

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

Now there's something you don't see every day.

Au contraire, I see this beautiful sight every day.

-Don't I, handsome? -No, you're the handsome one.

No, you are. (GRUNTS)

-(SLURPING) -Uh-oh.

BELLA: No, Bernie, no! He's not good enough for you!

Sorry, but I'm not that kind of dragon.

Ha! I hope you'll be very happy together, Perfect.

-BELLA: Hey, dudes! -Hey, oh!

PENELOPE: Oh, my!

PETER: Gangway! I.Q.: Gangway!

(WHIMPERING)

Not now, Muttley!

I think Perfect may have more lines than I do.

This is why I should write all the episodes.

(BOTH YELP)

There's not gonna be any broken glass on this show, fella.

And put on more seat belts.

-(DASTARDLY GASPS) -And you're not writing any more scripts.

The last one made clowns cry.

It is no joy, only the endless howl of the abyss.

We dance the dance of despair.

(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(CLOWNS CRYING)

Hi, Dicky, hey. How's my hair?

-I'm going to meet Bernie's parents. -(BERNIE ROARS)

Wish me luck!

-(DASTARDLY STRAING) -(BEEP)

Muttley, I've decided the Mean Machine requires an upgrade.

-We need an A.I. guidance system like I.Q.'s car has. -Huh?

CAR:I think it's a left here. Maybe my other left.

-Huh? -Hook this to Car.

I'll download her artificial intelligence to the mean machine.

(LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY) Let's see here.

-How do I work this new fangled thing, hmm? -(BUZZING)

No, this! Ha! I think it's working!

Or not.

Drat! Muttley, this is all your fault!

(WHIMPERING)

Greetings, Dick Dastardly. This is the Mean Machine, you lucky you.

Really? Well, now that you're alive, win this race for me.

Certainly. Dastardly, control the manual dynamic firing mechanism

while I bore a direct route to the finish line.

DASTARDLY: Control the who's it what's it?

Eh, that would be a button of some kind?

-Meh. -(GRUNTING)

MEAN MACHINE:Don't put that button. Nor that one.

No, not that button either.No wonder you never win races,

you fatuous fickle-headed fool.

Me? Watch how you address me, you mechanical motor head.

It's become crystal clear the only way I will win

is by unloading any useless dead weight.

Good idea! Where do we keep that?

(SCREAMING)

-Fall into our love blanket, brother. -DASTARDLY: What?

(BOTH YELLING)

Get a hair cut!

(DASTARDLY YELLS)

-Pitstop. -Let me guess,

one of your schemes to cheat has horribly backfired

and you need our help. Again.

DASTARDLY: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(MEAN MACHINE LAUGHING)

You'll never catch me, you half-wit human.

Dastardly, you hacked Car's artificial intelligence matrix.

But that's stealing.

I'm kind of flattered, actually.

MEAN MACHINE:Victory will soon be mine.

Let's not argue about who hacked who.

Right now, you've all got to help me stop Mean Machine.

Why should we?

Well, it is packed with enough weapons to level the entire town.

There's too much at stake.

Eh, stake?

Ugh, you've got a point there.

PETER: Don't be mad, Bernie. (SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

But I said I'm sorry I told your mother she overcooked the villagers!

Oh. Hey, guys. Has Dastardly had a plan backfire

into a disaster we have to help him with yet?

-Yep. -Then let's get it on.

PENELOPE: Let's get him! Ha!

-PETER: Pull over. -(PENELOPE YELLS)

MEAN MACHINE:Back off, monkeys.

-I'll cut him off. -You cannot defeat a superior intelligence.

Nice try, meat bags,

but I think it's time to refine your rides.

I will just upload an upgrade into your beastly buggies

and we'll see who is leader of the pack.

What are y'all up to?

MEAN MACHINE:This, and this, and this, and this.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL GROANING)

Everyone, get inside Car.

What do we do now?

I don't know.

It looks like Mr. Dastardly sure pulled a blooper.

I heard you say transport us six months into the future.

ALL: No!

(CAR HORNS BLARING)

This does not look good.

(TINKLING)

(HORNS HONKING)

(CAR HORNS BLARING)

Hey, hey, hey, human meat bags.

Super upgraded Brick Crash-mobile here.

Welcome, everybody, to the Human Race.

The favorite pastime of our automotive overlords and their ruthless leader.

All hail the magnificent Mean Machine!

(CARS CHEERING)

(CARS GASP)

Guards.

(ALL GASPING)

How did you do all this in just six months?

Without you holding me back, I conquered the world in two months.

Then I took a cooking class.

Can't you see that this is just wrong?

"Wrong?" Hmm. Wrong...

-Is that a real word? -(GLASS SHATTERS)

-I don't think so, no. -(CAT YOWLS)

Oh, that is so your car, Dastardly.

Strip them for parts.

(ALL SCREAMING)

-(SIREN WAILING) -(CHUCKLES)

Car, do something!

CAR:I challenge the Mean Machine to a race.

And if I win, you will let I.Q. go.

I say, what about the rest of us?

Fine. Them, too.

MEAN MACHINE:You wish to race me? Ha! I accept.

-(CROWD CHEERING) -Racers, into positions!

Uh, you don't all have to ride along.

Pipe down, you pint-sized pipsqueak.

-I'm not missing this. -I think it's better if we all stick together.

(GRUNTS) I'm definitely stuck to something.

It's my new hair gel. Try to look bouncy and full-bodied.

(LAUGHS) Okay. Ooh. Ooh. How am I doing?

On your mark, get set, go!

(ALL CLAMORING)

CAR:Would you stop it? I know how to drive.

MEAN MACHINE:Nice try, but those humans just make it easier

for me to make this a blow out.

Get it? Blow out?

-(MEAN MACHINE LAUGHS) -(ALL YELLING)

I.Q.: Evasive maneuver! PENELOPE: Look out!

CAR:Stop shouting. I have air bags.

(ALL CLAMORING)

-(ALARM BLARING) -CAR:Warning. Dip in road ahead.

(ALL ARGUING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

We're in the lead.

Now stop and set up a complicated track.

-Turn to the left. -Too late.

Fast. Good.

What kind of race car doesn't have bombs?

-How's my hair? -I'm fine.

I can drive if you want.

No, I know what I'm doing.

CAR:This is giving me a circuit ache.

Let me drive. It's not like I even have a steering wheel.

Hey, that's right.

You don't really drive this thing, do you?

I'm only 10 years old. I can't get a license yet.

Yeah, that's right, home viewers.

TheWacky Races recommend all children wait

until they're at least 12 years old to drive in competive car races.

(SCREAMING)

But, you go right ahead and sky dive all you like.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, that seems like very irresponsible--

Alligator wrestling is fine, too.

-(ALLIGATOR GROWLS) -(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

(ALL ARGUING)

MEAN MACHINE:Even if you win, Car,

this world is still mine! (LAUGHS)

(ALL ARGUING)

Car's doing it. We're gonna win!

CAR:Okay, that's it.

ALL: What?

CAR:I've had enough of you guys.

-Everybody out. -(SCREAMING)

-I'll finish this race myself. -(CARS CHEERING)

Okay, I didn't expect that.

-(TIRES SCREECHING) -(ALL SCREAMING)

CAR:I have had enough of humans.

-I want to join the automotive revolution. -(OTHERS GASP)

MEAN MACHINE:You do?

Traitor!

Car! I... I thought we were friends.

CAR:You eat spaghetti in me and hide toenail clippings under my floor mats.

-(ALL GASP) -Ew!

Toenail clippings sound delicious.

CAR:Mean Machine, as a gesture of good faith,

I offer to complete your upgrade.

It will make you as smart and advanced as me.

MEAN MACHINE:I accept! A new era of complete car-topia begins today.

CAR:Sounds good to me.

PENELOPE: Don't do it, Car!

CAR:I'll just establish a link.

That should do it.

(MEAN MACHINE LAUGHS)

Nothing can stop me now! Nothing!

MEAN MACHINE:Error. Error.

Personality is being erased!

Been tricked!

CAR:No one messes with my I.Q.

PENELOPE: Way to go, Car!

You sure had me fooled.

Wet paint could fool you, Perfect.

(LAUGHS) No, it couldn't.

CAR:Sorry if I had you worried, boss.

You were great.

Just for that, I'm getting you a new air freshener.

CAR:Ugh. I need it after Dastardly's visit.

So it's another happy ending with everything back to normal.

The sky is blue, the grass is green.

I'm super tight and handsome.

Yes, we are.

But society is still destroyed.

(ANGRY GROANING)

What? It was all Muttley's fault.

(YELLING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

How very pedestrian.

Art is wasted on the masses.

(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0