Original subtitles

(SNICKERING)

Engage teleportation beam.

(ALIENS LAUGHING)

Hey, hey, hey, Wacky Race fans.

Top rock jock Brick Crashman here

in the majestic Himalayan Mountains.

We're high in the hazardous and goat-ridden terrain

for the Mountain Neverest 5000.

And here come the racers.

Zooming toward our race highlight.

The spindly, rotting, insanely dangerous rope bridge

-that crosses over to Yarlung Tsangpo Canyon... -(SNICKERS)

...which is the deepest canyon in the world.

-(SCREAMING) -(ALL SNICKERING)

(GRUNTING) Ouch. Ow.

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

-Whoa, that was close. -(BLEATS)

(BRICK SCREAMING)

(COW MOOING)

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)

BRICK: Wow, this is a really deep canyon.

(GROANS) What a terrifying bridge. I love it.

I'm not sure this bridge can hold the weight of our vehicles.

I'm sure the producers would never let us take this route

if they didn't check if it was safe.

I hate this show.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Time for the Turbo Terrific's terrific turbo.

Car, activate anti-grav.

Muttley, activate the rocket booster.

-Hmm? -I know we don't have one.

Get out there and push, you malingering mutt.

(MUTTERS)

DASTARDLY: Faster, Muttley!

I.Q.: Woo-hoo!

(BELLA WHOOPING)

Go, glider wings!

DASTARDLY: Drat!

I.Q.: She's gone.

That's clearly cheating.

(SNICKERING)

Why, that-- Ow, ow, ow. What's so funny?

(GOATS BLEATING)

DASTARDLY: Drat!

(SHRIEKING)

Oh, my stars and more stars. I'm in space.

What am I doing out in space?

Greetings, puny brain.

(SHRIEKING)

-(GLASS SHATTERING) -(CAT MEOWS)

Ahem.

Um, you two are aliens, aren't you?

We are weird, alien, hyper competitive brain creatures

that force inferior beings to race for our amusement.

But... (RETCHES)

And now, appearing from the distant corners of the galaxy,

I present tonight's racers.

First, Peter of Perfectas Prime.

The chameloids of Transylvanius Nine.

(CROWD LAUGHING)

Quebellum Prime,

the third smartest being in the galaxy.

What? Third?

After us, of course.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, yeah.

Next, the father-son race team of Grazagnagorn and Phlem

of the fifth galactic spiral.

The Gobbletragsient.

And lastly, from the Dark Star Nebula,

the dark lord, Muttergly.

-Oh, my! -What are you looking at?

Oh, nope. Nope, no way.

That is just wrong, wrong, wrong. So wrong.

Are you ready to race, puny brain?

Oh, thanks anyways, but I have my own little race to get back to.

Oh, gee whiz.

And here we went and transmorgrifinated a special ship just for you.

(EXCLAIMS) I'm so in.

ANNOUNCER: Today's race is a single lap around the Asteroid Belt.

Sounds simple enough.

ANNOUNCER: Ready, set, go!

I hope the boys at home are having an easier time.

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

This is oddly relaxing, actually.

(GOBBLING)

Gaze where you're going, you gobbling goof!

(GOBBLING)

Time to thin the pack with a temporary temporal portal.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Uh-oh, a shortcut for handsome racers only.

I guess I'll have to face front and give it a try.

These space rocks all look very familiar.

I could swear I was this sign just a few seconds ago.

Still, nothing to do for it but charge ahead.

Deja vu.

Deja vu.

Deja vu?

Deja vu.

How can anything have a head that big and brains so little?

(MUTTERS)

PENELOPE: Hey!

Get ahead of this monkey, Father.

Watch this, Son.

Ooh, you missed, Pop.

Quiet!

Uh-oh.

You hit a big rock, Father.

(GULPS)

Me, fire the laser cannon.

Duck, brother!

Oh, my!

Now, it's that bilious brain's turn.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Nice try, Muttergly.

But I have shields to protect myself

from even the most sophisticated laser weaponry.

I should have seen that one coming.

I got you, darling.

I can't do anything right.

-PENELOPE: Hang on. -I can't hang on. I don't have any arms.

I don't think I'm gonna catch him before he crosses that finish line.

-That's right. Nothing can stop me now. -(SNICKERING)

(SCREAMING)

(MUTTERING)

(GOBBLING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Huzzah. The earthling wins.

Well, this is nice.

For your victory, we reward you with the greatest honor of all.

Blowing up the Earth.

What? Why?

It's our traditional way of honoring the winner

by blowing up her whole world

with a glorious explosion of triumph.

What if I'd lost?

Oh, then we blow up your whole world

with a humiliating explosion of shame.

Why would anybody ever compete in the race with those prizes?

They don't, that's why we get primitive life forms like you to race for us.

Sucker. (LAUGHING)

Nigel, immobilize the puny brains

while I prepare the planetary disintegration ray.

(LAUGHING)

(SCREAMS)

I love this part. (LAUGHING) They always fall.

The aliens are distracted Quebell.

Now's your chance to use your mental powers to get us out of this.

But my brain is so small and puny compared to theirs.

You have to try. I know you can do it.

Okay, I'll give it a shot.

You will obey my thoughts.

Obey, obey.

-(LAUGHING) -Oh, brother.

-Just look at those puny brain waves. -How pathetic.

See? I'm useless.

And I have no marketable skills because I went to art school.

Yeah.

Get back to work!

(GRUNTING) But my art!

You just need to believe in yourself.

And I lack confidence.

I am useless, I'm gelatinous, and I don't have lips.

Look, just calm down and think of--

I'm hysterical.

I'm an over-emotional, useless, worthless brain

in a tank that comes completely unglued,

that just randomly yells,

peanut, kebab, undergarment.

PENELOPE: Get it together!

Look, if you're anything like the I.Q. I know,

then you're smart, insecure,

sniff your fingers when you think no one is looking...

(SNIFFING)

Way too young to be a professional racer,

and have a really weird relationship with your car.

-What? -I'm sorry, that sentence got away from me.

I'm under a lot of pressure.

What I meant to say was, no matter what the challenge,

my I.Q. would never give up, none of our friends would.

And that's why I love them, and that's why they're worth saving.

Even Dastardly?

Of course not. He's creepy, like pancakes for dinner.

Can you just save the Earth already?

I'm out of perky.

I can do this.

-What did that do? -Well, I hope it--

There, the disintegrator ray is ready.

Prepare, puny brains,

to see one last view of your planet as we destroy it.

And that's what's gonna happen to your world in five seconds.

What's the point of showing that?

Why not just blow up the Earth?

I enjoy the drama.

SPACE GHOST: Space Ghost!

Did someone say "Space Goat"?

No, I said... Space Ghost!

It's Space Ghost.

He heard my telepathic distress call.

Yes, citizen, I received your call and came as fast as possible.

Our schemes are undone.

He is so cool.

-Why doesn't he have a show of his own? -I know, right?

Close your eyes as I free you from that alien force field with my wrist blaster.

We gotta get to that teleporter

before he blasts us with that cool retro wrist beam.

NIGEL: We should've gotten his autograph!

Space Ghost, you saved us and the entire Earth.

All in a day's work for Space Ghost!

Or it would be if that's who he was.

What?

Hello.

We got your distress signal, and boogey'd on down to help.

That was brilliant.

You were all great.

Thank you for saving the Earth.

Oop, okay. The monkey things are huggers.

You can let go now.

Me like.

Now, the only question is, how will I get home?

I got an idea.

(SCREAMING)

And Penelope Pitstop wins the race.

Ow.

Yippie.

Penelope, where did you get this car?

Hideous evil brain monsters.

Ooh, those are the best kind.

Well, I think it's the weirdest, most bizarre thing I've ever seen.

I agree.

And if there's one thing I can't tolerate,

it's bizarre things.

-(CHOMPS) -(SNICKERING)

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