All language subtitles for Wacky Races s05e02 King Solomons Races.eng

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

BRICK: Hey, hey, hey,
Wacky Race fans. This is Brick Crashman,

coming to you from deep
in the heart of Africa to introduce our latest race,

which runs along the
uncharted, mysterious, winding course

of the very, very creepy,
and danger-filled Congo River.

(SCREAMING)

Fun fact, this very river
that I'm now swimming in

has more man-eating predators

than any other river
in the world.

There's anacondas,
giant crocodiles, electric eels, piranha.

Oh, more piranha.

Guppies with bad attitudes,
happy hungry hippos.

Oh, boy.

-(SCREAMING)
-(GROWLING)

Why does this happen
to me every week?

Ah, call my agent!

Oh, my epidermis!

And my teeth!
No! (SCREAMS)

Hey, Brick, good seeing you.

Pandora, I'm just as happy
as a pickled possum

that you're racing
with us today.

You won't be after
I win, Sister.

DASTARDLY:You may beat her,

but you'll never defeat
the diabolically dashing Dick Dastardly.

Hmm. Oh, and this fulsomely
follicled freeloader.

(MUMBLING AFFIRMATIVELY)

How long is this river anyway?

The Congo River
is 4,700 meters long,

crosses the equator twice--

(GROANS) Enough already.

This is just the setup
for a cartoon about crazed monkeys.

Why do you always
have to bore us

with your egregious
entertainment and erudition?

I.Q.:
I think it's so the producers feel less guilty

about all the
inappropriate violence.

-Like that.
-Nonsense.

Violence is
never inappropriate.

See?

-(GROANING)
-(SNICKERS)

DASTARDLY: Out of
my way, Pitstops!

(GROANING)

Muttley! (GROANING)

-(GROWLING)
-(EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMING)

You still think the violence
in this show is appropriate?

When it happens to you, yes.

Ow! Double drat.

Ha! He's right,
violence is funny.

Anybody bring cards?

That was
a trifle excessive, don't y'all think?

Oh, lighten up and learn
to have a little fun.

I'm fun. Aren't I fun?

A bit too lively
for my taste.

-Guys?
-I bet you can't go one race

without being
a party poopsicle.

Hey, you guys.

PENELOPE: That looks like fun.

(ALL SCREAMING)

DASTARDLY:
Thank goodness that's over.

Uh, I don't think
it's over yet.

PENELOPE:Oh, good. More fun.

-(CAMERA FLASHING)
-(SCREAMING)

(GROANS) We're alive.
How disappointing.

Surviving bad.

-Where are we?
-Who cares?

How do we get out?
(ECHOING)

I would surmise we are
in the legendary King Solomon's Mine.

How could you
possibly know that?

It's right here
in the script.

You guys don't read
the scripts, do you?

-ALL: No.
-Legend has it,

that no one who has
entered the mines has ever escaped...

Alive.

(CHUCKLES) It's true.

(GRUNTS) No one
has ever escaped.

And who are you?

I'm a humble man

who came to these mines
in search of my brother.

Or was it my father?
Or maybe the restroom.

Uh, anyways, I've been
here for ages.

And in that time,
I've learned one important thing.

The location
of the restroom?

No, but I wouldn't look
behind that rock if I were you.

I've learned that
to escape from this place,

you must find the seal
of Solomon.

It is an ancient talisman
with tremendous power.

Where do we find
the seal thingy?

It is hidden at
the center of the mines.

Deep in the mountain, concealed behind mazes,

puzzles and deadly traps.
(LAUGHS)

-Only the very brave
or the very foolish-- -Me first.

Then begin your quest
by selecting one of three tunnels.

(LAUGHS)

And may fickle fate
guide your fingers.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

Whatever. Creepy guy alert.

I know. He's just
to die for.

Let's go, this will be fun.

PENELOPE: Oh, yay,
incredibly dangerous fun.

This way, Dicky.

Oh, he's a big fella.

(RETCHES) What a hideous,
disgusting, ugly, awful--

(GROWLS)

Please, take them
and spare me, evil monkey statue.

I'm the only real
actor on this show.

(GONG SOUNDS)

I think Mr. Stoney Face
is using that gong as a way to talk to us.

I'll try to communicate.

(GRUNTING)

He says there's a maze
just ahead.

Do you see music, too?

Get on with it.

-(GONG SOUNDS)
-Huh?

Well, what do you know?
A map of the maze.

-(GROANS)
-Have fun with your new friend, Perfect.

(GRUNTS)

PANDORA: Where are we now?

In the Hall of Many Dooms.

According to this script
that you gave me,

this is home to
a gigantic group of grumpy golden gorillas.

Wow, thanks.

It's like I waited
my whole life for someone to tell me that.

You and Penelope
are really sisters?

-(GROWLING)
-Uh-oh.

BELLA: They do look grumpy.

Hmm.

PANDORA:That one looks like the leader.

-I'll go charm him.
-(GORILLAS SCREECHING)

You stay here and try not
to screw anything up while I'm gone, okay? Great.

She'll charm him?

Hi there, are you
the boss monkey?

(SIGHS)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Does the monkey
want a bana?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

See me peal
the yummy bana?

Yummy, yummy bana.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Give Pandora the
silly widdle seal

and Pandora will give you
this yummy bana.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

(GROWLS)

Ugh. Was it something I said?

Quick, hide!

Big trouble.

It's not my fault
that monkey doesn't know charm when he sees it.

Don't worry, there's
one thing no gorilla can resist.

A game of
Monkey See, Monkey Do.

Hey, dudes.

Can you do this?

How about this?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

You guys are good.
How about this one?

Tiny.

(GRUNTS)

Let's get out of here.

(GROANING)

(SCREAMING)

(ROARING)

PENELOPE: So much fun!

I.Q.:It's the Seal of Solomon.

We can get out of here.

Actually, you can't.

But you said
if we got the seal,

it would show us
the way out.

Yes, I did, but I lied.

-That's made of chocolate.
-(CHOMPS)

There is no way out.

Minions, assemble!

(LAUGHING)

But why?

I will explain.

Hey, guys,
found the bathroom.

I'd give it 20 minutes or so.
Carry on.

Then, as I was saying--

You know, I think
I forgot something.

Ahem. Do you mind?

-Oh, sorry. Do continue.
-Thank you.

The explanation as to why
I tricked you all

into going into that
dangerous labyrinth in the first place is...

I'm a total stinker.

-That's it?
-Yup.

I'm King Solomon,
and that's mine,

and that's mine,
and that's mine, and you're mine,

and he's mine,
and the monkeys are mine. And everything here is mine.

Oh,King Solomon's Mine's.

I get it.

You are the lamest villain
we've ever had on the show.

-Well, except you.
-Except me, of course. Hey.

Gorilla warriors,
I order you to cut that man in half.

What? Why is it
always me?

'Cause the viewers at home
think it's funny.

Gosh, kiddies, you don't
want to see your own Uncle Dicky

savaged by a pack
of wild gorillas, do you?

-I kinda do.
-We'll let the audience decide.

(GORILLAS SCREECHING)

(LAUGHING)

That's right, kids,
it's up to you.

Should Dicky be horrible mauled by savage gorillas or not?

Call in now with your vote.

Operators are standing by.

-Exciting moment, isn't it?
-Gosh, yes, Peter.

Oh, and we're getting
the results in now. Le'ts watch the screen.

And the Don't Hurt Dicky
totals three votes.

(SIGHS)

And the Hurt Dicky total...
Four billion and nine votes.

What? There aren't even
four billion children on the planet.

Ooh, I voted
four billion times.

(GRUNTS)

You rotten kids, you!
(EXCLAIMING)

I'm going to--
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

(LAUGHS)
I'm safe, I'm--

-Get them!
-(ROARS)

Oh, no, he's gone banas.

It's a madhouse. A madhouse.

Enough with the
monkey business.

(ROARS)

KING SOLOMON:Get them! Stop them, they're mine.

-(ROARS)
-(SCREAMS)

Hey.

Back off, Bongo.

(ROARING)

-PENELOPE:Take that!
-PANDORA: And that.

PENELOPE:And this!

That's enough,
you darn smelly apes.

I still think I'm
forgetting something.

(ALL SCREAMING)

That's not mine.

Get to the boats!

(GROANS)

You didn't jingle
the handle, did you?

(ALL SCREAMING)

That actually was fun.

Yes, they certainly
were great apes.

It's better to be ape
than never.

Please, if those chimps
were chumps,

then I'm a monkey's uncle.

You can say that again.

I'm going to get those racers

if it's the last thing
I ever-- (GROANS)

Go fish.

(SNICKERING)

(MUTTERING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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