Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

(SCREECHING)

Hey! Hey. Hot! Wacky Race.

Fans, this is hard boiled Brick Crashman

on the sun-baked sands of the Sahara Desert.

(CAMEL GRUNTING)

Whoo! Hey, party people!

Who wants a nice, cool Wacky Wizzo?

(ALL CHEERING)

(CHITTERING)

Hey, hey, heat hallucination fans.

Brick Crashman here at the heat stroke corners of my imagination.

Hanging with Flip MacGuffin, the famous party porpoise and Wacky Wizzo Water mascot.

(CHITTERING)

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Just think, Flip,

while we're getting our groove on at this breezy, island resort,

the Wacky Races are back in the blistering hot sands of the Sahara Desert,

racing from Cairo to the Great Pyramids of Giza

which are actually in a desert,

not a dessert as I was told.

(LAUGHING) I love you, Flip.

(GROANING)

Ah, poor Brick, the heat has made him batty.

Tiny, do you have my sunscreen?

SPF 9327.

(SIGHS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

How long until we reach these giant squids?

Not giant squids, Mr. Perfect. Pyramids.

The Great Pyramids of Giza were built over 3,000 years ago

and are considered the last wonder of the ancient world.

Some postulate that an advanced alien race helped the ancient Egyptians build--

Enough of this obligatory introductory banter!

Muttley, start the supremely seditious sand shoveler!

(SNICKERING)

PENELOPE: Dastardly!

PETER: Dirty pool, Dicky. It'll make the squid all itchy.

We'll be buried alive. Again.

I.Q.: Uh-oh! (SCREAMS)

(DASTARDLY LAUGHING)

Nothing can stop us from winning now, Muttley.

(SPITS) Hey, where is everybody?

Oh, there you are.

(GROANS)

(I.Q. GRUNTS)

(EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Oh, dreadful desert demon,

I offer this snickering sacrifice in substitution for my own sartorial safety.

Razzle frazzle, mazzle frazzle.

Don't worry, Dicky, I'll save you.

(GRUNTS)

Still standing, tough guy.

Well, there's plenty more where that came from.

(GROANS)

I can do this.

All...day...long.

Surrender, Dorothy.

I can smell my thoughts.

Art school is worth every penny. (GROANS)

Oh, my stars and ancient wonders. Look!

Those are the Great Pyramids!

They're good pyramids, I wouldn't call them great.

First one to the top wins.

No, really, your thanks are unnecessary.

Cheese is liquid madness.

Excelsior!

(GROANING)

(PANTING)

Helmet, activate climbing mode.

(WHIRRING)

On your left, Dastardly.

"Left behind" you mean.

(PENELOPE PANTING) Oh!

Oh, fiddlesticks.

Chivalry is undead.

(LAUGHS) I win!

(LOUD RUMBLING)

Razzle frazzle, razzle razzle.

(ALL SCREAMING)

-(LOUD CRASH) -(CAT YOWLING)

I.Q.: Omni helmet, activate emergency light.

(ALL GASPING)

BELLA: Nice doggie.

TINY: Tiny like it better dark.

PENELOPE: That dark and foreboding staircase seems like our only option.

Be careful. Ancient pyramids were filled with booby traps.

Ha! Who's afraid of booby traps?

I've practically invented them.

Drat! Muttley!

(GRUNTS)

-(WHIMPERING) -(RATTLING)

-(SIGHS IN RELIEF) -See, it's perfectly safe.

-Drat. -Oh, I see.

The center stone on each step triggers the traps.

Everybody step very carefully.

-Uh... -Uh...

(WHISTLING)

(WHIMPERING)

(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)

(RAPID BEEPING)

(ALL WHIMPERING)

Oh, my gosh. Do you see that?

I look fantastic.

What's that sign say?

It says,

"Press button to claim trophy..."

Done, and done.

"...and reawaken terrible, vicious, evil mummy creatures."

-You'd think they'd put that part first. -(ALARM BLARING)

(GROWLING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Um... (GULPS) Hi.

Silence!

We are the bad guys of this episode.

And we want to tell you cringing mortals our terrifying back story.

Now, you kids at home might want to slip out for a snack during this part.

♪ Aren't we so hungry?

♪ Aren't we all so hungry?

♪ Aren't we all so hungry?

♪ So let's go stuff our face ♪

Hey, sit down!

We put a lot of design work into this flashback.

You kids have to watch it.

(BOTH GROANING)

We are an awesomely super-advanced race

of totally good-looking, pumped and ripped aliens,

who came to your uncool little planet

like a gazillion years ago

to completely conquer everybody. (SQUEAKS)

But when we landed in ancient Egypt,

humanity was all primitive and like "Duh."

We sealed ourselves in stasis chambers,

bedecked in our high-tech Preservo towels,

and waited for the human race to evolve and invent showers.

We left the trophy trap at the peak of the pyramid as an alarm clock,

knowing that once humanity was technologically advanced enough

to waste resources on such useless pursuits as racing,

it would then be time for our triumphant return.

Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to conquer us back when we were primitive?

Why wait until we got smart?

Yeah, so smart.

Have you seen my pickle? (GROANS)

(SNICKERING)

You know what I mean.

Because smart brains are tasty brains.

Speaking of, who's the kid with the big head?

He looks smart and delicious.

Uh... Who me? I'm not smart.

See? (BABBLING)

Really? What's 947,312 divided by 29?

(GASPS) Why ask me? I don't know!

(WHIMPERING)

Are you sure?

It's...

Because I think the answer is...

-Three. -Wrong!

It's 32,665.9310345.

Run for it, guys!

He's right. Seize them!

(ALL SCREAMING)

We have to find a way to stop them and save the planet.

Don't even think about trying to stop us.

We have already thought of everything.

What about the time machine?

Who cares!

These hairless apes aren't clever enough

to think of going back in time

to prevent us from awakening from our stasis chambers.

Only we are clever enough to think of a clever plan that clever.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

I've got an idea. Follow me.

(FLUSHING)

(SQUEAKING)

(PANTING)

(GROWLING)

(WHIMPERING)

(GRUMBLING)

(GRUNTING)

(ALIENS YELLING)

(YELLING)

-(TRAIN HORN BLOWING) -(DASTARDLY GROANS)

-(SAW BUZZING) -(DASTARDLY SCREAMS)

(YELLING)

Who left this door open? Someone could get hurt.

-(DASTARDLY GROANS) -(CAT YOWLS)

-(SAW BUZZING) -(CRASHING)

-(GRUNTS) -Activating time controls.

Oh, space muffins.

(ALL GROANING)

-(CATS MEWING) -We're here.

Welcome to ancient Egypt in the time after the aliens landed

but before they went into hibernation.

So now, we need to get back into the control room

and change that sign so Dastardly doesn't wake the aliens in the future.

-Are you saying this is all my fault? -Yes.

To the control room.

(ALIENS SNORING)

We must be very quiet.

Do not wake up the aliens.

(FOGHORN BLOWING)

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)

(SHUSHING)

-(BABY CRYING) -(AIR HORN BLOWING)

What is it with the sound effects in this episode?

Okay, we're all here. Now what?

Just a sec.

Huzzah! The future is saved.

Quick, everyone, back to future Egypt.

Oh, my gosh, look!

I still look fantastic. Ooh.

What's that sign say?

It says, "Don't let Dastardly press this big button."

That's it? Well, that's pretty anticlimactic.

What an awful ending. This show really needs more surprises.

What an oddly specific ancient hieroglyphic.

I am not leaving this pyramid without my trophy!

I demand my just desserts!

Did somebody say "dessert"?

(CHITTERING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(GULPS)

(CHITTERING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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