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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,485
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,253
(SNICKERING)
3
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:28,442
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
4
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,233
(CLAPPING)
5
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:35,541
(CLEARS THROAT)
6
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,172
Salutations, you
lugubrious labbots.
7
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:42,079
I, Richard Milhouse Dastardly,
am here to inform you
8
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:43,713
that you will
not be squandering
9
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,047
yet another 11 minutes
of your life,
10
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:48,022
eye-guzzling a dreary,
poorly written cartoon!
11
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,852
Grafted with random violence,
smarmy inside jokes
12
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:56,059
and cheap, slapstick comedy.
13
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:57,292
(SCREAMS)
14
00:00:57,357 --> 00:01:01,187
-(THUDS)
-(CAT SHRIEKING)
15
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,501
Such as that.
16
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,473
(GROANS)
17
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,672
-And that.
-(THUD)
18
00:01:07,736 --> 00:01:11,266
Instead, I will be attempting
to raise the intellectual
19
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:13,969
standards of this
revolting remake,
20
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:18,681
by dedicating an entire
episode to the wondrous works
21
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:22,446
of William Shakespeare.
22
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,376
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
23
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:25,951
No, no, you don't.
24
00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:27,760
You are getting cultured
whether you like it or not.
25
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,061
Although I must admit
26
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,893
the acting may not
befit the material
27
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:35,908
as I am being forced
to use them.
28
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,229
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
29
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:45,301
To be, or not to be?
That is the question.
30
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,881
I didn't order a pizza!
31
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:51,213
-It's not to be.
-(ALL CHEER)
32
00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:52,949
They're all already
under contract
33
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:55,983
and the studio wouldn't
let me hire real actors.
34
00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:58,120
Heavens to Murgatroyd,
35
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:01,485
exit stage unemployment even.
36
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,415
Let us begin!
37
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:07,840
WithRomeo and Juliet.
38
00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:13,765
But soft, what light through
yonder window breaks?
39
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,474
It is the east,
and Juliet is the sun.
40
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,937
Alas, fair sun,
and kill the envious moon.
41
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:22,507
Kind of violent imagery
for a kid's show.
42
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,576
Why are you dressed as Romeo?
43
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,045
You're supposed
to be Juliet.
44
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:28,883
Well, you know who
wanted to play Juliet.
45
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,319
He says, it's
the better part.
46
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:32,293
Oh, no.
47
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:34,762
Oh, Romeo, Romeo.
48
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,562
Wherefore close
are you, Romeo?
49
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:37,833
(SCREAMS)
50
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,661
Get off me,
you balcony busting...
51
00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:40,726
(GROANS)
52
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,464
(SNICKERING)
53
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:43,759
No.
54
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:46,201
This is the famous
balcony scene
55
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:50,167
where star crossed lovers.
Romeo and Juliet
56
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:51,966
woo each other.
57
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,839
Ew, let's just
sword fight instead.
58
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,338
Sword fight!
59
00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:58,449
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
60
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,752
Now, wait a minute!
61
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,653
(GIGGLING)
62
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,975
Shakespeare, fun.
63
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:07,321
This is what I call
petty dialogue.
64
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,587
No.
65
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,915
Puns, now that's
real writing.
66
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,691
Stop! (GROANS) stop it!
67
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,900
This is worse than
our usual show.
68
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,373
-(GROANS)
-(SNICKERING)
69
00:03:18,433 --> 00:03:20,973
-Dastardly is right.
-Thank goodness you came to--
70
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:23,365
This scene would look
much better as a race.
71
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,437
What? No!
72
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:27,584
(GRUNTING)
73
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:31,912
Can we please just
move on to the next play?
74
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:35,679
Thought it was
going well.
75
00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:39,590
Okay, IQ we're going to try
aMidsummer's Night Dream.
76
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,593
-You are Puck,
-(YAWNS)
77
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:44,516
the English sprite and Car is Oberon,
78
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,691
king of the fairies.
79
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,000
Ill met by moonlight
proud Titania.
80
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,033
Heavens to thespians.
81
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,728
The Car gets a part even.
82
00:03:52,801 --> 00:03:55,941
Who do you have to know
to get a cameo around here?
83
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,913
(SNICKERING)
84
00:03:57,972 --> 00:03:59,772
What ho, Puck.
85
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,780
-Oh.
-I wantRomeo and Juliet.
86
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,442
-What's this one about?
-It's a play
87
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:04,810
within a play.
88
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,708
Blech, meta fiction.
89
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,280
Oh, like Turducken.
90
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,649
It's nothing like Turducken
you clunk-headed cuckoo.
91
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,617
Oh, places!
92
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,517
What's that mean?
93
00:04:15,590 --> 00:04:19,630
It means, go to your
assigned places.
94
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,663
Where are we supposed to be?
95
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:24,698
(EXCLAIMS ANGRILY)
96
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,895
In with the enchanted grove
97
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,897
of the woodland fairies.
98
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,339
Oh, then this
must be the place.
99
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,274
No, no,
you're fairies.
100
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:37,481
Muttley, make them fly
on wings of gossamer dreams.
101
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,384
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
102
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,446
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
103
00:04:40,515 --> 00:04:42,075
When did you get
these ropes on us?
104
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,849
The magic
of the theater.
105
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,587
Let the revelry
commence!
106
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,192
Aha!
107
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:49,424
CAR: Well, go thy way. Thou
shalt not from this grove.
108
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,730
Till I torment thee
for this injury.
109
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,202
My gentle Puck,
come hither.
110
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:57,261
Fear not, my Lord, your
servant shall... (EXCLAIMS)
111
00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:58,570
Oh, no!
112
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,302
No, no, no, no!
113
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,297
(GASPS)
114
00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:03,569
(SCREAMS)
115
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,837
Hey!
116
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,235
Yoo-hoo!
117
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,637
It's magic hour here
in the rafters, folks.
118
00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:10,939
As our racers compete
in a no-holds barred
119
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,081
fairy battle for
the ultimate win.
120
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:16,417
-(LAUGHS MANICALLY)
-(SCREAMS)
121
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,453
(LAUGHS)
122
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,788
Who gave them
real magic wands?
123
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,763
(GROWLS)
124
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,762
(SNICKERING)
125
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:24,864
Drat!
126
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,455
Stop! Stop!
127
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:29,357
-Your turn.
-I'm pink, very original.
128
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:30,629
(LAUGHS)
129
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,327
Stop!
130
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:33,369
Got you, Bella.
131
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:36,644
Your turned me
into a bat, blech.
132
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:39,513
(SQUEAKY VOICE)
I am Tiny.
133
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,213
(GASPS)
134
00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:42,935
CAR: (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
135
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,710
DASTARDLY: Oh, no.
136
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,208
(SNICKERING)
137
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,380
(Wack)
138
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:49,578
(SHIVERS)
139
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,650
You people will be
the death of me.
140
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,149
Let's move on
141
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,091
to the Scottish Play.
142
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,986
Do you wanna play
with Scottish people?
143
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,858
-(BAGPIPES PLAYING)
-(GROWLS)
144
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,727
Count McButton
at your service.
145
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,325
Let's start
with golf.
146
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:05,366
Yeah.
147
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,533
Please, don't.
(SCREAMS)
148
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:10,641
Drat! (WHIMPERS)
149
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,314
(SNICKERING)
150
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:15,183
Now, who wants
the green buggy?
151
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,812
Whoa, how do you do that?
152
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,447
No, no, no,
the "Scottish Play".
153
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:22,153
The only one of Shakespeare's
plays so unlucky,
154
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:25,986
that just to speak its name
aloud invites disaster.
155
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,623
Oh, which one
is that?
156
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:32,127
Why Macbeth of course.
157
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,432
(ALL CACKLING)
158
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:38,525
Double, double,
toil and trouble.
159
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,428
(ALL LAUGHING EVILLY)
160
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,740
Yo, ladies, 'sup?
161
00:06:41,803 --> 00:06:44,813
All hail, Macbeth,
hail to thee, Thane of Glamis.
162
00:06:44,873 --> 00:06:49,313
All hail, Macbeth,
hail to thee, Thane of Cawdor.
163
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:50,776
Uh... hi.
164
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,484
No, no, no,
the line is...
165
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:56,047
All hail, Macbeth,
166
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:59,086
thou shalt
be king hereafter.
167
00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:01,493
Big words, no like.
168
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:03,385
This faster.
169
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:04,956
(GRUNTS)
170
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,125
Hey, that's great,
thanks, big fella.
171
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:08,534
I want Macbeth too.
172
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:12,026
(SPUTTERS) That's
not how you doMacbeth!
173
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,469
(GROANS) Let's just
get to the battle scene.
174
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,344
(ALL CHEERING)
175
00:07:16,404 --> 00:07:18,474
Now this is what
I call acting!
176
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,639
Lay on, Macduff,
lots of words and other stuff.
177
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:23,938
A horse, a horse!
My kingdom for a horse!
178
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:26,011
You called? Sure.
179
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,220
Why does he get
to be in it already?
180
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,582
He's not even
actor even.
181
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,820
I could play Macbeth.
182
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,316
(SNICKERING)
183
00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:36,918
That horse thing
is fromRichard III.
184
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,260
The fault, dear Brutus,
185
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:41,025
is not in our stars,
but in ourselves.
186
00:07:41,095 --> 00:07:42,995
That'sJulius Caesar!
187
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,933
To thine own self be true.
188
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,328
And that'sHamlet.
189
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,470
Quoth the Raven,
"Nevermore".
190
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:51,236
That's not even
Shakespeare, grr!
191
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:52,865
That does it!
192
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,240
I have had it,
193
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,438
you lumbering lumps
of illiterate losers
194
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:59,310
are just not smart enough
for Shakespeare!
195
00:07:59,380 --> 00:08:00,980
Fine, then you do it, Dicky.
196
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,348
Yeah, you're so great,
197
00:08:02,416 --> 00:08:04,176
why don't you show us
how it's done?
198
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,221
I will just show you,
I will!
199
00:08:06,287 --> 00:08:07,987
Great, which play?
200
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,185
(MUMBLES)Richard III.
201
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:12,557
No, I didn't say,Macbeth!
202
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:16,096
(GROANS)
203
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:19,603
Now is the winter
of our discontent,
204
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,636
made glorious summer
205
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,872
by this sun of York.
206
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:28,708
And all...
207
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,375
(MUNCHING) Yum.
208
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:34,454
all of the clouds that...
209
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:38,845
deeply bosom around
bellied oceans.
210
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,919
Um... (BLABBERS)
211
00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:43,518
Um... (SPUTTERING)
212
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:45,160
Outrageous...
213
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:48,155
(SUCKING THROUGH STRAW)
214
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,958
ignoramuses who whine
215
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,530
and complain
and never let me win
216
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:55,839
and who smell funny
and have goofy names and...
217
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,072
and stuff.
218
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,267
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
219
00:08:58,339 --> 00:09:00,879
Bravo, bravo.
220
00:09:00,942 --> 00:09:03,712
Okay, so I've never
actually read any Shakespeare.
221
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,077
ALL: What?
222
00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:07,406
Well, it's been another
pointless episode as we come
223
00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:09,251
to the pathetic end
of Dastardly's
224
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,146
thespianic reign of terror.
225
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,388
Dicky, why?
226
00:09:12,453 --> 00:09:13,623
Well, I wanted
everyone to think
227
00:09:13,688 --> 00:09:15,718
I was all smart
and cultured and stuff.
228
00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:18,490
But you're pretty
cultured, you're English!
229
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:19,889
Which is somewhere smart.
230
00:09:19,961 --> 00:09:23,961
Actually I'm not
technically from England.
231
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,031
ALL: What?
232
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,468
I'm from Hoboken.
233
00:09:27,535 --> 00:09:30,165
I'm so, so, so sorry.
234
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,507
If there's anything
I can do.
235
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,972
Look, let's forget about
this Shakespeare stuff
236
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:35,581
and do some fun acting!
237
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,943
-Something with racing.
-And explosions!
238
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,911
(EXPLODES)
239
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:42,050
Lots of explosions.
240
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,115
(EXPLODES)
241
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,783
(SNICKERING)
242
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,151
Absolutely not.
243
00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:48,820
I want to be taken seriously
as an actor.
244
00:09:48,890 --> 00:09:53,890
-You'll get the most lines.
-I'll do it.
245
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,502
-(RUMBLING)
-(ALARM BLARING)
246
00:09:56,564 --> 00:09:59,574
Set the proton shields
to maximum capacity.
247
00:09:59,634 --> 00:10:02,804
Captain, the engines
can't take anymore!
248
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:05,370
Override the polarity
of the electron flow.
249
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:08,009
The manual overrides
won't override, man.
250
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:12,375
Cry havoc, even.
251
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:15,946
Oh, no, here comes
more turbulence.
252
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,086
(SNICKERING)
253
00:10:18,152 --> 00:10:20,452
ALL: Whoa!
254
00:10:20,521 --> 00:10:22,691
-Now, this is acting!
-You said it.
255
00:10:22,757 --> 00:10:25,157
Whoa! It's better
thanMacbeth.
256
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,255
Whoa!
257
00:10:27,328 --> 00:10:29,128
If we shadows have offended,
258
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:31,466
think about this
and all is mended.
259
00:10:31,532 --> 00:10:33,202
That you have,
but slumbered here
260
00:10:33,267 --> 00:10:34,867
while these visions
did appear.
261
00:10:34,936 --> 00:10:38,536
And this weak and idle theme
no more yielding but a dream.
262
00:10:38,606 --> 00:10:41,906
Gentles, do not apprehend,
if you pardon, we will mend
263
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,235
and as I am
an honest Puck.
264
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,651
If we have unearned luck,
265
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:48,153
now to escape
the serpent's tongue.
266
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,045
We will make amends ere long.
267
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,217
Else the Puck
a liar call.
268
00:10:52,286 --> 00:10:53,786
So good night
unto you all,
269
00:10:53,855 --> 00:10:57,285
give me your hands
if we be friends, I...
270
00:10:57,358 --> 00:10:59,488
Hey, I wasn't finished!
(GROANS)
271
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:01,960
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
272
00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:06,560
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