Original subtitles

(SNICKERING)

(YELLS)

Hey, hey, hey, Wacky Race fans,

Brick Crashman, feeling very "sheikh" here

on the blistering sands of the Sahara Desert,

for the "X Marks the Hot 5000."

The racers are really burning rubber as this race heats up.

(SPITS)

But I have so many more puns.

(ALL CHEERING AND WHOOPING)

Tiny not like the sun.

Sun made of fire.

Fire bad.

(GRUNTS)

Yeah, and it's ruing my moon tan.

(SIGHS) Car, can you turn down the heat?

CAR:Did you say "Turn up the beat?"

(MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY)

(PANTING)

Yes, Muttley, it is hot in here.

So, I think it's time to chill out.

Getting hot under the collar, racers?

Enjoy a little cold comfort on me.

Sweet tea and carpetbaggers,

Dastardly's up to his dirty tricks again.

Watch out! That mass of sand and water has turned to quicksand.

(DRAGON ROARS)

DASTARDLY: Drat! Drat!

And double splat!

DASTARDLY: Drat!

This is no time to bury our head in the sand, Dicky.

There's water up ahead.

(GRUNTS)

It was a mirage.

Hey, what do you know? I was a mirage too.

(ALL GASPING)

-What's that? -It looks kind of familiar.

(DASTARDLY GRUNTS)

Snowman!

That's no snowman.

-That's... -Ludvig!

I.Q.!

BOTH: Science!

For those of you who haven't seen all our episodes...

We know who you are and we're coming for you.

Ludvig is one of the super nice elves we met

when we visited Santa's Workshop a while ago.

Ludvig, what brings you here?

I come with a message from Mrs. Claus.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Hmm, seems to be in some kind of Christmas code.

You're, you're reading it upside down, sugar.

Oh, that's better.

(READING)

Haven't seen that one either, have you? Hmm?

Spending too much time on the Internet,

complaing about the Ant Hill Mob, who wouldn't take a pay-cut

to work on the new series, aren't you? Hey--

Dastardly, be nice.

(PETER CONTINUES READING)

Smart penguins. Bad.

Not to mention, they've ruined the classic black-tie look for everyone. Well, nearly.

-(PLAYING PIANO) -Yes, I know, I'm breathtaking.

Drink me in.

The penguins have taken Santa, and we have to help.

Ludvig, tell Mrs. Claus we're in.

Tell her yourself.

I'm not going to help any--

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

You did that on purpose, you smarmy sprite!

Ja. Everyone, I have the racers.

Well, (CHUCKLES) who are you, little fella?

(LAUGHING) Oh, well, goodness gracious me,

they're just the most adorable things I've ever seen.

Tiny like baby seals.

Uh, no, Tiny! I packed you a lunch earlier.

-(CATS MEOWING) -Yummy!

Why, Mrs. Claus, it's so good to see you.

Good to see you too, dear.

Goodness, these baby seals just get into everything.

Shoo, little ones.

Come back, lunch.

Let me show you my latest creation.

I wanted to get back to my science roots

and make something simple and practical.

But I got bored, so I made this hideous atrocity.

(GROWLS)

-(ALL GASP) -(GAGS)

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's so wrong, it's right.

Could use a few more heads, though.

Oh, I like the way you think.

MRS. CLAUS: This is Penguin Headquarters.

Your standard impenetrable high-tech secret lair,

hidden in the middle of a glacier.

They've hidden Santa here in the middle,

surrounded by laser fences, laser guard dogs,

laser sharks and plain old lasers.

It's impossible to get to him.

I'm not so sure about that. I have an idea,

but we're gonna need your help.

Ho, I have to say

you guys are pretty close

to ending up on the naughty list.

(SCOFFS) So what, jolly boy?

We'll start by using the power extracticator

to drain your magical holiday powers and then use them

to accelerate global warming, melt the icecaps

and take our rightful spot as ruling species of the planet.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

Nothing can stop us now.

(POWERING DOWN)

Oh, fish sticks. What is the matter?

What are you doing over there?

(SHATTERS)

Saving the world and looking great doing it.

But that's impossible. How could you fit into that tiny costume?

PENELOPE: Christmas magic.

Courtesy of Mrs. Claus.

You used magic! I had 12 hours of orthopedic surgery.

Nice try.

But I have an army of battle-ready penguins

to deal with beak-less monkeys like you.

Oh, yeah? Well, we've got battle-ready elves.

Penguins, attack!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(GRUNTING)

(I.Q. LAUGHING)

Science!

(TINY GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

(GRUNTS) Can't press buttons with my useless wings.

Curse you, evolution!

There's no escape for you, Emperor. We've got you cornered.

No one puts Pengy in a corner.

(BOTH YELL)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(PENELOPE EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

(GROANS)

Ooh, fish fingers.

You're beaten. The time of your surrender is at hand,

or wing-- Whatever!

(ALL LAUGHING)

LUDVIG:Not yet!

(GROWLING)

(PENGUINS EXCLAIMING IN ALARM)

You think you've won.

You have won nothing.

We penguins are not the villains here.

We are merely professional caterers hired to do a job

by the evilest, most vile, most heartless

dark-souled villains of all time.

Ooh, I'd like to meet them.

What? Well, they just sound like my kind of people.

Them.

(LAUGHING)

Prepare to meet your doom, foolish big things.

(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

Is it just me, or is this show actually getting weirder?

The baby seals are using laser eyes. Find cover.

(ALL SHOUTING)

Have we done your will as commanded, O Master of Many Evils?

(YELLS)

I'll take that as a no.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Fools! Baby seals are the source of all evil

throughout history.

The fall of Rome just needed a little push.

The Sphinx, he knows who's behind the worst atrocities on Earth

like homework, broccoli, soap, boy-bands,

the Illuminati.

But today is the day we totally destroy human civilization

and take our rightful places as masters of the world!

We will drain Santa's magic into ourselves and with his power,

activate the super volcano under the North Pole

and flood the world.

And humanity will be helpless as we storm across the globe

and seal your doom.

Get it, "seal"?

You'll pay for that, Ludvig!

(SANTA GROANING)

It's, it's a seal-trocity.

So cool!

(GROWLS)

Well, that's it, end of the world.

Maybe not. Dastardly, do you still have that freeze ray?

(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

(GROWLING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

PENELOPE: Yee-haw!

Santa Claus, get us close enough to fire Dastardly's freeze ray

at the giant evil seal-trocity to prevent catastrophic global warming

and save civilization.

This is definitely as weird as this show can possibly get.

(GOBBLING)

PENELOPE: Get ready, everybody.

We only get one shot at this.

Fire!

Okay, so that didn't work.

(PENGUINS CHATTERING)

So we totally failed, and evil baby seals

-have conquered the world. -Yup. Pretty much.

Muttley! This is all your fault.

(MUTTLEY GRUNTS)

What you have just seen was only a dramatization.

But the creeping menace of baby seals, is very real.

But if we all do our part by watchingWacky Races

and reporting all sightings of baby seals,

or adorable animals of any kind,

to the home phone numbers of the producers of this show,

anytime, day or night,

then civilization as we know it will just be saved.

Maybe.

(LAUGHING WICKEDLY)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(SNICKERING)

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0