All language subtitles for Wacky Races s04e09 Signed, Sealed and Wacky.eng

(SNICKERING)

(YELLS)

Hey, hey, hey,
Wacky Race fans,

Brick Crashman,
feeling very "sheikh" here

on the blistering sands
of the Sahara Desert,

for the "X Marks
the Hot 5000."

The racers are really burning
rubber as this race heats up.

(SPITS)

But I have so many more puns.

(ALL CHEERING AND WHOOPING)

Tiny not like the sun.

Sun made of fire.

Fire bad.

(GRUNTS)

Yeah, and it's ruing
my moon tan.

(SIGHS) Car, can you turn
down the heat?

CAR:Did you say "Turn up the beat?"

(MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY)

(PANTING)

Yes, Muttley,
it is hot in here.

So, I think it's time
to chill out.

Getting hot
under the collar, racers?

Enjoy a little cold comfort
on me.

Sweet tea and carpetbaggers,

Dastardly's up to
his dirty tricks again.

Watch out! That mass of sand
and water has turned to quicksand.

(DRAGON ROARS)

DASTARDLY: Drat! Drat!

And double splat!

DASTARDLY: Drat!

This is no time to bury
our head in the sand, Dicky.

There's water up ahead.

(GRUNTS)

It was a mirage.

Hey, what do you know?
I was a mirage too.

(ALL GASPING)

-What's that?
-It looks kind of familiar.

(DASTARDLY GRUNTS)

Snowman!

That's no snowman.

-That's...
-Ludvig!

I.Q.!

BOTH: Science!

For those of you who haven't
seen all our episodes...

We know who you are
and we're coming for you.

Ludvig is one of
the super nice elves we met

when we visited
Santa's Workshop a while ago.

Ludvig, what brings you here?

I come with a message
from Mrs. Claus.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Hmm, seems to be in some kind
of Christmas code.

You're, you're reading it
upside down, sugar.

Oh, that's better.

(READING)

Haven't seen that one either,
have you? Hmm?

Spending too much time
on the Internet,

complaing about
the Ant Hill Mob, who wouldn't take a pay-cut

to work on the new series,
aren't you? Hey--

Dastardly, be nice.

(PETER CONTINUES READING)

Smart penguins. Bad.

Not to mention, they've ruined
the classic black-tie look for everyone. Well, nearly.

-(PLAYING PIANO)
-Yes, I know, I'm breathtaking.

Drink me in.

The penguins have taken Santa,
and we have to help.

Ludvig, tell Mrs. Claus
we're in.

Tell her yourself.

I'm not going to help any--

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

You did that on purpose,
you smarmy sprite!

Ja. Everyone,
I have the racers.

Well, (CHUCKLES) who are you,
little fella?

(LAUGHING) Oh, well,
goodness gracious me,

they're just the most adorable
things I've ever seen.

Tiny like baby seals.

Uh, no, Tiny!
I packed you a lunch earlier.

-(CATS MEOWING)
-Yummy!

Why, Mrs. Claus,
it's so good to see you.

Good to see you too, dear.

Goodness, these baby seals
just get into everything.

Shoo, little ones.

Come back, lunch.

Let me show you
my latest creation.

I wanted to get back to
my science roots

and make something simple
and practical.

But I got bored, so I made
this hideous atrocity.

(GROWLS)

-(ALL GASP)
-(GAGS)

Oh, no. No, no, no,
no, no, no.

It's so wrong, it's right.

Could use a few more
heads, though.

Oh, I like the way you think.

MRS. CLAUS:
This is Penguin Headquarters.

Your standard impenetrable
high-tech secret lair,

hidden in the middle
of a glacier.

They've hidden Santa
here in the middle,

surrounded by laser fences,
laser guard dogs,

laser sharks
and plain old lasers.

It's impossible to get to him.

I'm not so sure about that.
I have an idea,

but we're gonna need
your help.

Ho, I have to say

you guys are pretty close

to ending up
on the naughty list.

(SCOFFS) So what, jolly boy?

We'll start by using
the power extracticator

to drain your magical holiday
powers and then use them

to accelerate global warming,
melt the icecaps

and take our rightful spot
as ruling species of the planet.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

Nothing can stop us now.

(POWERING DOWN)

Oh, fish sticks.
What is the matter?

What are you doing over there?

(SHATTERS)

Saving the world
and looking great doing it.

But that's impossible.
How could you fit into that tiny costume?

PENELOPE: Christmas magic.

Courtesy of Mrs. Claus.

You used magic!
I had 12 hours of orthopedic surgery.

Nice try.

But I have an army
of battle-ready penguins

to deal with beak-less
monkeys like you.

Oh, yeah? Well,
we've got battle-ready elves.

Penguins, attack!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(GRUNTING)

(I.Q. LAUGHING)

Science!

(TINY GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

(GRUNTS) Can't press buttons
with my useless wings.

Curse you, evolution!

There's no escape
for you, Emperor. We've got you cornered.

No one puts Pengy in a corner.

(BOTH YELL)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(PENELOPE EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

(GROANS)

Ooh, fish fingers.

You're beaten. The time
of your surrender is at hand,

or wing-- Whatever!

(ALL LAUGHING)

LUDVIG:Not yet!

(GROWLING)

(PENGUINS EXCLAIMING IN ALARM)

You think you've won.

You have won nothing.

We penguins are not
the villains here.

We are merely professional
caterers hired to do a job

by the evilest, most vile,
most heartless

dark-souled villains
of all time.

Ooh, I'd like to meet them.

What? Well, they just sound
like my kind of people.

Them.

(LAUGHING)

Prepare to meet your doom,
foolish big things.

(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

Is it just me, or is this show
actually getting weirder?

The baby seals are using
laser eyes. Find cover.

(ALL SHOUTING)

Have we done your will
as commanded, O Master of Many Evils?

(YELLS)

I'll take that as a no.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Fools! Baby seals are
the source of all evil

throughout history.

The fall of Rome just needed a little push.

The Sphinx, he knows who's behind the worst atrocities on Earth

like homework, broccoli, soap, boy-bands,

the Illuminati.

But today is the day
we totally destroy human civilization

and take our rightful places
as masters of the world!

We will drain Santa's magic
into ourselves and with his power,

activate the super volcano
under the North Pole

and flood the world.

And humanity will be helpless as we storm across the globe

and seal your doom.

Get it, "seal"?

You'll pay for that, Ludvig!

(SANTA GROANING)

It's, it's a seal-trocity.

So cool!

(GROWLS)

Well, that's it,
end of the world.

Maybe not. Dastardly,
do you still have that freeze ray?

(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

(GROWLING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

PENELOPE: Yee-haw!

Santa Claus, get us
close enough to fire Dastardly's freeze ray

at the giant evil seal-trocity
to prevent catastrophic global warming

and save civilization.

This is definitely as weird
as this show can possibly get.

(GOBBLING)

PENELOPE: Get ready,
everybody.

We only get one shot at this.

Fire!

Okay, so that didn't work.

(PENGUINS CHATTERING)

So we totally failed,
and evil baby seals

-have conquered the world.
-Yup. Pretty much.

Muttley!
This is all your fault.

(MUTTLEY GRUNTS)

What you have just seen
was only a dramatization.

But the creeping menace
of baby seals, is very real.

But if we all do our part
by watchingWacky Races

and reporting all sightings
of baby seals,

or adorable animals
of any kind,

to the home phone numbers
of the producers of this show,

anytime, day or night,

then civilization
as we know it will just be saved.

Maybe.

(LAUGHING WICKEDLY)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(SNICKERING)

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