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1
00:00:11,980 --> 00:00:15,650
We interrupt this program
to bring you a show far more appropriate for children.
2
00:00:15,717 --> 00:00:18,687
♪ It's time for Uncle Dicky Dicky, Uncle Dicky
3
00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:21,793
♪ It's time for tricksies And some lessons for the day
4
00:00:21,857 --> 00:00:24,727
♪ It's time for dancy doggiesHoppy froggies, slimy boggies
5
00:00:24,793 --> 00:00:27,903
♪ If there's time for all the kiddies to come out and play
6
00:00:27,963 --> 00:00:31,303
♪ It's time for happy nappies Nicely chappies, Purple frappies
7
00:00:31,366 --> 00:00:35,636
♪ It is time for Uncle Dicky Don't you go away ♪
8
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,073
Hey there, boys and girls.
9
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,668
Do you know
what time it is?
10
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:39,739
(SNORING)
11
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:42,607
Um... 3:31?
12
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,406
Can we go now?
13
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,408
These seats are sticky.
14
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,450
That's right.
15
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,986
It's time for
the Uncle Dicky's Happy Sunshine Children's Club.
16
00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:54,022
So, here he is.
Your bestest pal and mine.
17
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:59,088
The one, the only,
the slightly moldy, Uncle Dicky!
18
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:04,599
Dastardly. It's your line.
19
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,125
Say something.
20
00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:07,569
I hate you all.
21
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,444
Now there, Uncle Dicky.
22
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:12,544
Look at all the nice friends
who have come to see our new show.
23
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,236
Why don't you say
hi to them?
24
00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:15,437
Because I hate them.
25
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,510
(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
Now, now, Uncle Dicky.
26
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:18,948
Remember what
the network said?
27
00:01:19,013 --> 00:01:20,583
That I'm the worst
role model
28
00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,077
and the least
likable character
29
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:26,489
in the history
of animation.
30
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:29,864
And if I don't participate
in appropriate entertainment for children,
31
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,894
to improve my image,
32
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,099
they will never let me
race on television again.
33
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,831
Yes, and we're
all here to help you.
34
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:38,697
The network is making us.
35
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:39,866
I don't care.
36
00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:42,274
I have my dignity.
37
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:44,165
Who threw that tomato?
38
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:45,367
Tomato.
39
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,839
You all look guilty.
40
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,007
Muttley, seal the exits.
41
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:52,106
and release
the flesh-eating kittens.
42
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:55,219
No! No, flesh-eating kittens.
Where would you...
43
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,053
-Flesh eating pandas?
-No.
44
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,518
-Or flesh eating...
-No!
45
00:01:58,585 --> 00:01:59,915
No flesh eating anything.
46
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,217
Dastardly, just read
the cue card so we can
47
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,159
get through this
and back to racing.
48
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,263
Ugh.
49
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,455
Howdy, hey there,
happy boys and girls.
50
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:10,197
Are all my little members
of the Uncle Dicky Happy Sunshine Club
51
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:13,434
having a hap-hap-happy
sunshine day?
52
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,270
Who writes this drivel?
53
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:17,265
(MONKEYS CHATTERING)
54
00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:18,807
I get residuals.
55
00:02:18,873 --> 00:02:23,873
Ugh. And now, let's all
say a big sunshine happy hello
56
00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:28,248
to my bestest buddy,
Snickerdoodle.
57
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,775
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
58
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,151
BOY: You stink.
59
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,248
(SNARLING)
60
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,361
Keep going.
You're doing great.
61
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:39,593
Now it's time for
a super fun Sunshine Club game called...
62
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,330
(DASTARDLY READING)
63
00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:42,604
Oh, swell.
64
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,633
Where's the pinata? Whoa!
65
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,999
Of course, I'm the pinata.
66
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,369
Where's the party?
67
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,007
(DASTARDLY GROANING)
68
00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:54,922
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
69
00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,484
Where did
the candy come from?
70
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:00,305
Don't think about it.
71
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:03,921
And now we go
to Peter Perfect's perfect grooming tips.
72
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,594
Are those my teeth
over there?
73
00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:07,863
Now remember,
boys and girls,
74
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,261
the key to success
and happiness
75
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,762
is looking great.
76
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,594
And hard work
and being a good person.
77
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,859
(CHUCKLES) Crazy talk.
78
00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:17,059
Step one of
the Peter Perfect's perfect grooming method,
79
00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:18,671
always keep your
perfectly coiffed hair
80
00:03:18,733 --> 00:03:22,373
covered by an even
perfecter shiny helmet, like so.
81
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:26,506
(CLEARS THROAT)
82
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:30,083
See? You look better already.
83
00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:31,854
This helmet smells funny.
84
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,352
Step two. Never go
anywhere without
85
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,924
a Peter Perfect
trademark dimple
86
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,682
available wherever
fine chins are sold.
87
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,551
(SQUEALING)
88
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,490
(GROANING)
89
00:03:42,557 --> 00:03:45,687
Step three. Develop
a perfectly muscled upper body.
90
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,599
(GRUNTING)
91
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,202
(EXCLAIMING)
92
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:53,534
There you go, kiddo.
I'll spot you.
93
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,800
Don't you feel better?
94
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,668
BOY: I can't feel anything.
95
00:03:56,738 --> 00:03:59,408
Remember kids,
beauty is only skin deep.
96
00:03:59,474 --> 00:04:02,044
Because of gross stuff
like veins and mucus.
97
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:05,509
That doesn't make
any sense.
98
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:09,880
And now it's time
for a moment of unscripted hilarity.
99
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:10,950
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
100
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,288
Oh, what a surprise.
101
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,053
Someone's knocking
on this door
102
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,221
that wasn't here
a moment ago.
103
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:17,089
(SPLASH)
104
00:04:17,158 --> 00:04:19,128
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
105
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:22,363
American humor.
How droll.
106
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:25,000
Well, this isn't frozen
gooseberry pie, is it?
107
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,225
because I'm allergic.
108
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,740
(SNICKERING)
109
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,744
I hate everything
and everyone.
110
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,607
(GROANING)
111
00:04:35,677 --> 00:04:37,977
(GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)
And now, it's time for Bella and poetry
112
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:41,145
for odd
and disturbing children.
113
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:44,575
(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)
114
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:46,451
BRICK: Bella, you're on.
115
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,720
(PANTING)
116
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,288
Good evening, kiddies.
117
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:52,057
Uncle Bella has
a bedtime story for you all.
118
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:53,426
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
119
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,864
"Once upon
a midnight dreary,
120
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,269
"while I pondered
weak and weary,
121
00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:03,332
"over many
a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore.
122
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,910
"While I nodded, nearly napping,
123
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,313
"suddenly there came a tapping,
124
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,336
"as of some one gently rapping.
125
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:11,310
(EXCLAIMING)
126
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,609
Rapping at my chamber door,
127
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:14,750
Hold him steady!
128
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,845
(ALL GROANING)
129
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,216
He's too heavy.
130
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:19,094
"'Tis some visitor,'
I muttered,
131
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:22,423
"Tapping at my... Whoa.
132
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,229
"Nevermore."
133
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,691
Now, a word from
our sponsors.
134
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:30,099
(SCREAMS)
135
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,174
Hi, I'm Peter Perfect.
136
00:05:32,233 --> 00:05:35,143
Racer, chin model,
and vacuous internet celebrity.
137
00:05:35,203 --> 00:05:38,373
When I'm not spending time
on a secret island only rich people know about,
138
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,979
I like to walk around
looking so good I make ugly people cry.
139
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,582
That's why I wear
140
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:46,214
Wacky Fashion's
new meat flavored formal wear.
141
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,050
Perfect for any occasion.
142
00:05:48,116 --> 00:05:50,816
Wacky Wear is the clothing
made exclusively of grade A pig snouts,
143
00:05:50,885 --> 00:05:53,485
yak ear lobes,
puppy tongues and aardvark faces.
144
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:56,194
Wacky Wear,
100% pure meat suits.
145
00:05:56,257 --> 00:05:58,557
Preferred by dingoes
everywhere.
146
00:05:58,625 --> 00:05:59,625
Wait. Dingoes?
147
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,833
Aah, no!
148
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:05,574
A dingo ate
a celebrity!
149
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:06,772
(STATIC)
150
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:07,903
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
151
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,838
Yes, it's the door bit again.
152
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,873
Television is
a vast wasteland.
153
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:17,940
Ha! Missed me,
you sophomoric stagehand.
154
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,852
(SNICKERING)
155
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,587
(GROWLING)
156
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,352
(MEOWING)
157
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:30,261
And now, it's time for
mad, mad science
158
00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:33,664
with some dolty
science-y guy
159
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,797
and a weird car that talks.
160
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,972
(KIDS SCREAMING)
161
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,601
(LAUGHS)
162
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:43,197
I.Q. here to demonstrate
the power of electricity.
163
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,740
ROBOTIC VOICE:Run for your lives.
164
00:06:44,806 --> 00:06:46,536
He's got that look in his eyes again.
165
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:50,137
Presenting
the Zappificator 7000.
166
00:06:50,211 --> 00:06:52,251
With this lever,
I will now unleash
167
00:06:52,313 --> 00:06:55,823
the matchless power
of breathless creation!
168
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,153
He's mixing metaphors.
169
00:06:57,218 --> 00:06:59,148
I really would beat feet, kids.
170
00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:02,990
(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)
171
00:07:03,057 --> 00:07:05,127
(SNORING)
172
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,132
Aw, it worked
in rehearsal.
173
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:10,304
Can Tiny get off
table now?
174
00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:12,204
Your thingamabob is unplugged.
175
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,466
Oh, silly me.
I got it.
176
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,635
(EXCLAIMING)
177
00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:21,575
My biscuits are burning!
178
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:24,911
(LAUGHING)
Tickles.
179
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,008
Oh, my!
180
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,030
(POWERING UP)
181
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,457
(GROANING AND COUGHING)
182
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:40,033
Ah, well, at least
no harm done, right, Car?
183
00:07:40,094 --> 00:07:42,264
Tiny feel shiny.
184
00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:46,400
Well boss, this is another fine mess you've gotten me into.
185
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:48,937
Huh? I switched
your brains.
186
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,112
Ah-ha! I switched
your brains.
187
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,041
(SHOUTS WITH JOY)
188
00:07:53,107 --> 00:07:57,137
Science!
189
00:07:57,211 --> 00:07:58,781
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
190
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:01,946
That's it. I've had enough
of this perilous portal.
191
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:06,645
(LAUGHING)
Science! Science!
192
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,190
(EXCLAIMS) Huh?
193
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:09,815
Well, what do you know?
194
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,860
Guess I scared him away.
195
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,185
(THUMP)
196
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:16,260
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
197
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:19,400
You unkempt urchins
think that was funny?
198
00:08:19,467 --> 00:08:24,267
Well, you're all
just teeming...
199
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,244
(ENGINES REVVING UP)
200
00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:27,767
BRICK: Psst, Penelope,
you are on.
201
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,281
(PENELOPE EXCLAIMING)
202
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,453
Oh, um, okay.
203
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:35,712
Hi, y'all.
I'm Auntie Penny.
204
00:08:38,019 --> 00:08:42,519
Oh, oh, my. Aren't you
just a little sweety?
205
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:44,690
Um, Uncle Dicky is
taking a nap right now.
206
00:08:44,759 --> 00:08:47,329
Let me at those
repulsive, reprobate rugrats.
207
00:08:47,395 --> 00:08:51,195
Um, so I get to welcome you
to the Kiddy Car Kit and Caboodle.
208
00:08:51,266 --> 00:08:54,396
A fun-filled safety
conscious driver right in the studio.
209
00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,338
I don't think I wanna.
210
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,173
Have fun, kids.
211
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:01,508
On your mark,
get set...
212
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,974
(KIDS SCREAMING)
213
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,124
(KIDS SCREAMING)
214
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,543
Look at those
little racers go.
215
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,408
Ah, listen to
those screams of joy.
216
00:09:37,478 --> 00:09:38,808
(ROBOTIC VOICE)That looks like fun.
217
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,220
I can beat these kids
any day of the week!
218
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,281
Watch this.
219
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,719
(KID SCREAMING)
220
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:46,324
Dirty pool, Dastardly.
221
00:09:46,388 --> 00:09:49,758
I'm seizing this car
in the name of good sportsmanship.
222
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:50,863
I'm alive.
223
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,424
(GROANING)
224
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,799
(ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
225
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,365
(GROANING)
226
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,911
DASTARDLY: Drat!
227
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:12,107
Uh-oh.
228
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:13,979
(CLOCK DINGS)
229
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:17,277
(ALL SCREAMING)
230
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,151
Science bad.
231
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,819
(I.Q. YELLING)
232
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:24,927
(GROWLING)
233
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:29,932
(KIDS SCREAMING)
234
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:31,727
(GROANING)
235
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,798
(SCREAMING)
236
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,497
Look at me!
237
00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:39,640
I'm breaking the fourth wall.
238
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:41,806
(ALL SHOUTING)
239
00:10:47,448 --> 00:10:48,718
Great news, kids.
240
00:10:48,783 --> 00:10:50,623
The Uncle Dicky Show
is a huge hit.
241
00:10:50,685 --> 00:10:53,785
Now, you get to come back
and watch a show every day.
242
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:54,994
(ALL GRUNT)
243
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,755
BRICK: Ow, ow, ow!
244
00:11:01,362 --> 00:11:02,932
(LAUGHING)
245
00:11:02,982 --> 00:11:07,532
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