Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNIGGERING)

(ORIENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERING)

BRICK: Hey, there, Wacky Race fans,

Brick Crashman here, live from a Hong Kong get-along.

A daring dash through the twisting exotic streets

of one of the world's greatest cities.

(ALL CHEERING)

-Hey, Brick. -Hey, Peter.

Tonight the racers are using a new navigational program called "C.A.T.S."

Which stands for Computer Aided Tracking System.

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

Okay, C.A.T.S., there's a fork in the road,

which way do we go?

C.A.T.S.:Turn left at fork in road.

Experiencing signal interference.

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

GOLDEN PAW:Turn right at fork in road.

Now left.

In 50 feet, turn right

onto the dark and foreboding side street.

Look out! Dead end.

Ooh, sounds wonderful.

Where exactly did that C.A.T.S. catastrophe lead us?

Well, hello there. Who are you?

Me? I'm just Penrod Pooch.

Your average, ordinary freelance sanitation engineer.

-(ALL GASP) -You can talk!

-Well, then, what's your excuse, Muttley? -(MUTTERS QUIZZICALLY)

I just travel the world with old Betsy here,

cleaning up messes.

And by that, I mean, sweeping.

Ha, battling the evil forces of a globe-spanning criminal empire

run by a ruthless villain who will stop at nothing to capture and destroy me.

-PENELOPE: Oh, well, no one cares. -(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(GASPING)

-What was that? -The music suddenly got all spooky,

like something bad was going to happen.

Maybe you nice people ought to get in your cars and go back to your race.

-(CAMERA ROLLING) -Hmm, I think something's going on here.

What makes you say that?

Say that again.

Nothing's wrong.

Ha! Your lip sync is off.

And everything looks different.

(WHOOSHING)

Hey, look at this, every time I move, I make a cool whooshing sound.

(WHOOSHING)

(WHOOSHING)

If I didn't know better,

I'd say this was starting to feel like an old kung-fu movie.

Don't be ridiculous.

Now, why don't you all just get back to your...

-To your... -(SHUDDERS)

Why are we all getting wriggly?

-Something is going on. -No, it's not.

And I'm definitely not having a flashback.

Snatch the kibble from my hand.

Ha! Too slow.

Hmm, nacho cheese flavored.

When you can snatch the kibble from my hand,

you will be ready to battle the evil of

K.I.T.Y.

K.I.T.Y!

Better, my son.

Look, Teacher, I'm doing it, I'm walking on coal.

That's great, Penrod, but I asked you to make me lunch.

Stop touching my food with your feet.

You are ready.

From this day, you will be known as...

♪ Hong Kong Phooey ♪

Here, take this broom

Why broom?

Because you're gonna need to make a living.

All you know how to do is make foot burgers.

One last thing, this is a terrible time for a flashback.

You're about to get your butt kicked.

(MEOWS)

Hey, who is this guy.

A robot ninja cat,

part of the evil criminal organization known as, K.I.T.Y.,

the club of infamous traitors, troublemakers and yucky people.

Maybe. That's just a guess.

You know, I'm just a janitor not a superhero.

-What do they want? -At last,

we have tracked down the troublesome Hong Kong Phooey.

No longer can you hide behind your mask

for we know who you are.

The true identity of Hong Kong Phooey

is none other than Muttley.

-(ALL GASPING) -Muttley!

Give the dog to us and no one gets hurt much.

(LAUGHING)

(CATS LAUGHING ROBOTICALLY)

This looks like a job for Hong Kong Phooey.

Rats! I'm stuck.

You want Muttley, you have to go through all of us.

(GRUNTING)

Oh, my gift stars and garters, who are you?

I am Hong Kong Phooey, I'm here to help.

Get that dog, he is Hong Kong Phooey.

(YOWLING)

(GRUNTING)

I'll handle this. Hi-yah.

Oh, it hurts. The pain.

(PETER GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

What are you doing, Perfect?

Oh, I have a stunt double for my fighting stuff,

it's in my contract.

Well, howdy, folks.

Hope you're enjoying the show.

Hi-yah!

(SCREAMING)

(WHIMPERING)

-(YOWLING) -Oh, no.

They got away with Muttley.

(YOWLING)

Welcome to the secret lair of K.I.T.Y.

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLING ROBOTICALLY)

I am Golden Paw,

-your host and oppressor. -(YOWLING)

Prepare for an evening of witty conversation,

a few canapes,

and your doom.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHING ROBOTICALLY)

Behold!

(LAUGHS)

The Paw of Evil,

ready to deliver the ultimate karate chop.

Uh-oh.

I.Q.:Good thing Mr. Dastardly had a secret transmitter hidden on Muttley.

But why even have that?

He takes long lunches and I'm naturally nosy.

Your friend seems to have been taken to K.I.T.Y.'s secret underwater headquarters.

We have to hurry.

Goodness knows what those fiends are doing to Muttley.

The time of your destruction is at hand.

Get it? Paw, hand?

Hmm, I thought it was funny.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Seriously? Who drops by this time of night.

-(BEEPS) -MAN:Kitty litter removal service.

Oh, just a minute.

I'm glad you're here.

Last night was taco Tuesday.

Hey, you're not the usual kitty litter guy.

You know I don't tip, right?

(ALL GRUNTING)

Ninjas, we're under attack.

(DASTARDLY SIGHING)

(CATS YOWLING)

-(MUTTLEY GROANS) -Hmm.

Come with me, Mr. Phooey.

That's my henchdog you have there.

I call dibs.

Oh, certainly, here.

Psych!

(WHIPMERS)

Robot sharks with laser fins.

(GASPS) Robot alligators with laser tails.

(YOWLING)

(MEOWING)

(GOLDEN PAW PANTING)

This is exhausting.

Here, you carry me now.

(MUMBLES)

There he goes,

Hold on, Muttley. I'll save you.

(SCREAMING)

Is there any animal here that doesn't shoot lasers?

(YOWLING)

(GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

Hong Kong Phooey!

How can you be in two places at once?

Oh, you're the dog from the other cartoon, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TEACHER:Snatch the kibble from my hand.

(GRUNTING)

(ALARM BLARING)

We will meet again, Hong Kong Phooey.

Ow, ouch, aah.

(GRUNTING)

This is even more painful than it looks.

He should really have a stunt double.

(ALARM CONTINUES BLARING)

Uh-oh!

(GROANING)

(SNIGGERING)

-Phew. -(EXPLOSION)

PENELOPE: To the cars!

(MUFFLED EXPLOSION)

Oh, phooey.

Where's Hong Kong Phooey?

He's gone back into the shadows,

I would assume.

I'm just a janitor who happened to be standing out here.

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -DASTARDLY: Looks like he said that before.

Rest assured,

wherever evil threatens goodness and niceness,

Hong Kong Phooey will be there.

Teacher, what are you doing here?

Wow, another dog that wears clothes and can talk.

You disappoint me, Muttley.

(GRUMBLES)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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