Original subtitles

(SNICKERING)

(SNICKERING)

My lord, Dasterious.

We are closing on Peter Perfectonator's vessel.

Very good, Pandora.

has hidden will be mine. (LAUGHS)

Steady, crew. We must keep the dread Lord Dasterious

from getting the incredibly dangerous secret on this tape.

You wanted to see me, your Perfectness?

certain doom, and extreme graphic violence

completely unacceptable for children.

Where's your tape player?

-We'll make it fit! -(SCREAMS)

I don't think this is a very good idea.

(GROANING) That's not right.

(GRUNTING)

-No more... -Almost... There!

Done! Now to transport you to the planet.

-I'll go to a shuttle. -There's no time!

-Hey! -Sorry!

Please, leave me with my dignity.

-There's no time for dignity. -(GROANING)

-(FLUSHES) -(SCREAMING)

Good luck, brave robot.

-What now, sir? -Now we fight to the last soul

to bide time for I.Q. to complete his dangerous mission.

No. Had you going, didn't I? (LAUGHS)

-Abandon ship! -(SCREAMING)

(FLUSHING)

(SNICKERING)

What's taking them so long?

Excellent!

Where is Captain... Oh, my!

Um, hi.

Well, well. Who is this captivating creature?

Are those mechanical minions belligerently bothering you,

-my scrumptious space sprite? -Ah...

Uh-oh.

For me? Oh.

How deeply disturbing.

Pay no attention my space sparkle.

She's just a Machiavellian mercenary

I employ for minor missions.

Like bringing me Perfectonator!

Yeah, I'll get right on that.

Oh, look, I found him.

Perfectonator? Where is the secret data tape?

Somewhere you'll never find it because I gave it to

a cute robot and sent him down to the planet

Pandora! Find that robot!

Yeah, yeah. I'm going.

And you're wrinkling my dress!

Finally, a chance to be a real space hero

like Captain Perfectonator.

(SNIFFS) I think I smell smoke.

(SCREAMS) My biscuits are burning!

(SCREAMING)

Ladies, gentlemen, and disgusting space globs!

(SCREAMS)We are microns away from the end of the

Gobbletracksy Galactic Grand Prix!

And here the space racers come now!

I have to say, the scenery here is so interesting.

Oh! And lively.

Oh, Daddy. This is all so very exciting.

Step on it, son.

The ugly ape thing is winning.

I'm so excited, I could undergo mitosis!

Oh! I just did!

BRICK:As the racers approach the final stretch

it's... Penelope Pitstop for the win!

(GOBBLING)

-You've failed. -(EXCLAIMS)

Blah, this is all your fault.

Oh, hold me, you big beautiful blob.

Disturbing.

-Oh. -Congratulations, Penelope. You've won again.

Uh, right thanks. (GROANS) I guess. Something wrong?

It's just that usually when I finish the exposition something horrible

-and unnecessarily violent happens to me. -(SCREAMING)

Like that. (GROANING)

At least the worst is over.

Ah, come on!

(STRAINING)

Gotcha!

(GROANS) I joined the Space Corps. Who're you?

I'm Penelope Spacestop.

Penelope Spacestop? Great Galaxies!

Captain Peter Perfectonator sent me to find you.

Cap... Captain? Petey's a captain?

He sent me to give you a super secret message.

-Can you show me? -Hold on a second.

Hello! Testing, testing. Okay.

Hi, Penny. The universe is in terrible danger.

I have been entrusted by the Space Corps with the secret location

of the most powerful object in the universe.

The Heart of Infinity.

completely filled with super dangerous mazes and traps and no parking signs.

And is surrounded by a field of automated laser space drones.

The coordinates of the Battle Planet are here.

(BEEPING)

If anything happens to me

The entire galaxy is counting on you, Penny. Good luck.

Okay, how do I turn this off?

There, I think I did it.

Great. (HUMS)Nothing to do now.

I guess I'll put my pants on my head and dance a little bit.

Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.

Free and easy. Feel that space breeze.

I must get to Battle Planet before anyone else discovers where it is.

Miss Pitstop, I think maybe she knows.

Now we all know where the Heart of Infinity is

and I'll stop at nothing to get it.

-(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) -(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Huh? Rude.

(LAUGHING)

-(COUGHING) -Oh, shoot!

-Are you all right? -I never get ahead on this show.

Come on, I.Q.!

Evil Lord Dasterious to Pandora.

Do you have the coordinates?

Yes, I have the coordinates.

I go get the most powerful object in the universe

and then come back and conquer all of time and space!

Actually, that doesn't really work for me.

I quit! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

She jumped to hyper space. Hang on! (BEEPS)

Ah! Didn't see that coming did you, Dicky?

(YELLING)

Didn't I? (LAUGHING)

PETER: I'm getting dizzy.

There it is. The Battle Planet.

Too slow, sucker. The Heart of Infinity is all mine.

PANDORA: Uh-oh.

Wow. They really don't like visitors.

-Sensors on maximum. -Sensors on maximum.

Well, I'm putting my sensors on double maximum.

(SCOFFS) Well, that makes no sense. I.Q.? Can you find me a way in?

Scanning. I have found an access tube.

But it's too well-protected.

Pandora?

(SCOFFS)Fine. Just try to keep up.

PENELOPE: Arming electron blaster.

-Pandora, watch your six! -Watch your own.

Oh, thanks.

Stay close, I'll cover you!

It's through that hatch up ahead!

Wow! There it is, Pandora. The Heart of Infinity.

-Pandora? Pandora! Hey! -(LAUGHING)

-Give it back! -It's mine!

No, it's mine!

Actually, I believe it's mine.

(LAUGHING)

Dasterious? But how did you get in here?

I prudently placed a teleport tracker

on your prevaricating personage before you perambulated from the ship.

You see, the only way into this circumspect control center

is for two expert pilots to work together!

So you tricked us into helping each other?

Yes, I did. (LAUGHING)

So, now that you have the heart, what are you gonna do with it?

-Ah! Nothing. -(GASPS)

(SNICKERING)

I'm lost. Who's lost?

The Heart of Infinity is a MacGuffin. A myth!

A trick to distract the unwary, unwashed and insanely ignorant.

-Uh, I believed it. -I rest my case.

-Ow. -The real prize

is this penultimately powerful Battle Planet.

You're gonna use the Battle Planet to conquer the galaxy?

-Yup. -Are you hiring, by any chance?

-Nope. -(ALL GASP)

(SNICKERING)

(YELLS) We're doomed!

We've gotta stop him!

♪ And in my galaxy, I'll have some evil Evil, evil, oh!

-♪ Evil here and evil there... ♪ -(BEEPS)

Hmm? It's not responding.

-What's happening? What are you doing? -I am.

I've overridden the control and activated the self-destruct!

(BEEPING)

What? No!

(WHISTLING)

You mean I'm finally a space hero, just like you?

Whoa, let's not get crazy here.

-Why are you wearing a dress? -Space comfort.

COMPUTER:Ten seconds to destruct.

Nine. Eight.

-Seven. Six. -Time to leave. Come on, everybody.

-Five and a half. -In here.

-Five. -No!

-Four. Three. -This can't be happening!

Toaster ovens don't have self-destruct switches!

Skateboards don't have self-destructs!

Telephones don't self-destruct if you hit the wrong button!

It makes no sense to go to all the trouble of building something

and then make it blow itself up!

Oh, my stars and garters! That was close.

Too close.

That was fun. We should do it again.

When the Space Corps gives me a new ship, you could all be my crew!

-I'm in! -Me, too!

-And me! -PANDORA: What's it pay?

Bana cream pies don't come with a self-destruct!

Neither do easy chairs! Or wigwams!

It just makes no sense at all!

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