Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

(IRISH JIG PLAYING)

(TAP DANCING)

-Hey, hey, hey, Wacky Race fans... -(GRUNTS)

...it's Big Brick Crashman on the bonny emerald isle of Ireland.

(SLURPS)

(GRUNTS)

We're here at the Great Green Cross Country Car Race,

The Supersonic Shamrock 5000.

Introducing now the mayor of this wonderful green land...

Top of the morning to ya!

It is a pleasure to be meetin'

such a fine Irish lad as yourself.

Thanks! But I'm not Irish.

What? Well, what are you, then?

I'm a sports announcer.

Oh! Well, keep working at it, then,

and then you'll get there, me boyo.

What can you tell us about today's race?

Ah, this rockin' race zooms across Ireland

from Cork north to Galway. Then... Ooh!

To Galway then east over the famous Rainbow Runway to Dublin.

Where the legendary pot of leprechaun gold awaits the winner!

Leaping leprechauns. I best be telling Patty of these shenanigans.

-BRICK: And the racers are ready to go. -(SEATBELT CLICKS)

-(CLUTCH CLICKS) -(ENGINE STARTS)

On your mark...

Get set...

(SNICKERING)

-BRICK: Go! -(TIRES SCREECH)

(SCREAMS)

Huh! Well, what you know, I guess these things really are lucky.

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

(TALKING GIBBERISH)

(CARS ZOOM)

(SNORES)

(GRUNTS)

Ah, who is it then that be invadin' the chamber

of Patty O'Patty O'Doole, king of the leprechauns?

My King, I have terrible news.

The big people are having a race

and the price has been our own pot of gold.

What? 'Tis a calamity for sure, it is.

Call our brother wee folk to arms.

Call O'Shannon, O'Hannon,

O'Mannon, O'Bannon, O'Malley, O'Reilly, O'Henry, O'Connor,

O'Danno, O'Canno, O'Rammo, O'Bammo,

Obama!

And Googan, and Gogan,

and Darry, and Harry, and Farry, and Scary, and Periwinkle!

Yo.

There be racers after our pot of gold, me buckos.

We've got to stop 'em.

We've got a pot full of gold?

Of course we've got a pot of gold.

We're leprechauns, aren't we?

Then why do we live in a filthy, rotten tree stump?

(BUGS SQUEAK)

Our leprechaun gold be not for spendin'.

You greedy gremlin.

If the gold ain't fer spendin', what's it fer, then?

He's got a point.

I'd invest it in mutual bonds.

I'm sick of eating worms and potatoes.

Mostly the potatoes.

My mom makes great potatoes.

-No, she doesn't. -Take that back.

(GRUMBLES)

(BOTH TALKING GIBBERISH)

(GROANS, GRUNTS)

(BANGS)

(ALL BANGING)

Stop the madness!

You're an agitator, you are.

(GRUNTS)

Mmm, good point.

Let's be out to protect our precious pot of gold.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

-(ALL GASP) -(CHATTER CONTINUES)

-Should we help 'em? -No, they'll be fine.

(CARS ZOOM)

(TIRES SCREECH)

Wow, this is so amazing!

Look up ahead. It's a rainbow!

Here they come now.

How do you be plannin' to stop them?

The same way our proud people have stopped foreign invaders

to our fair isle for thousands of years.

Oh, that should do it.

-(ENGINE ROARS) -(PATTY GRUNTS)

What charming speed bumps they have here.

A speed bump, am I?

Why you... (GRUNTS)

We'll be needing a plan B.

-(EVIL LAUGH) Muttley, release the boiled potato launch. -(SNICKERING)

(FIRING)

-Look out! Taters! -(TIRES SCREECH)

-(ALARM BLARING) -What, a starchy threat approaches?

Sorry, but we TV stars are strictly low carb.

(FIRE BLAZES)

Potatoes, good!

What? I can't see a thing.

-(TIRES SCREECH) -(SCREAMING)

-Hurry, they're nearly at our pot of gold. -Ah!

(BOTH SCREAM)

What? Boiled water and potatoes

with no salt or seasonings of any kind?

Those racers have stolen our ancient secret recipe.

We have to stop 'em by any means necessary.

Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear.

Did you say you are willing to do anything

to stop the other racers from winning the race?

Aye, that he did, boyo.

Then I think we can help each other.

-(EVIL LAUGHTER) -(SNICKERING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

So you understand. The two of you

will use your magic to get ahead

and create a maleficent, mythical monster

motivated to masticate on the other motorers

so I can maneuver into the lead and... (MUMBLES)

Guard your pot of gold until you get there.

Aye, that sounds like a fine plan. Off we go.

Ha-ha! They fell for it.

Now, we're sure to win the race. Right, Muttley?

(SNICKERING)

Mmm, I'm a bit peckish. Did we pack anything to eat?

(GRUNTS)

-(CHUCKLES) -Uh-oh!

Right, then. I'll be making a traditional Irish mythical beast

with me magic shillelagh.

Now, stifle yourself while I execute that trustworthy fella's plan.

(ZAPS)

(GROWLS)

Here they come now. Hide behind this rock.

(ROARS)

-(ALARM BLARING) -(BLAZES)

-(CAR ZOOMS) -I've been sick.

-(GASPS) -Stifle yourself.

-Stifle yourselves. Yourself. -(ENGINE ROARS)

Aw, now that's a familiar sight.

Tiny miss friends.

-(ZOOMS) -I don't get it.

(TIRES SCREECH)

You were supposed to stop them, you half-pint halfwits!

Half-pints, are we?

That's it. We're done listening to the likes of you!

Periwinkle, come out here.

We're off to handle this our own way.

-All right, Periwinkle, where are ye? -(BOTH GASP)

What have they done with Periwinkle?

(BOTH MUNCHING)

-(GROANS WEAKLY) Help. -Did you want a bite?

Muttley, I think we should be going.

(GROANS) How do I look?

You look...Grand, Periwinkle, just grand.

Aye, have you lost weight, boyo?

That's it! No more!

I'm unleashing all the magic and takin' care of those racing devils

once and for all!

(GRUNTS)

(GRUMBLES)

-(GRUNTS) -(ZAPS)

(LIGHTNING STRIKES)

Oh, no, toxic taters!

(RACERS SCREAMING)

-(GRUNTS) -(IRISH JIG PLAYING)

-(ALL GASP) -(SCREAMS)

-Save yourselves! -ALL: Ahhh!

(ALL GASP, SCREAM)

(RAINBOW THUDS)

Now, now, everyone be clam, be calm.

Let's just have a little something to quench our thirst

-and we'll talk this out calmly like... -(CUP SHATTERS)

-(BOTH SCREAMING) -Mmm!

Ahhh!

We're doomed! Totally doomed!

Brick Crashman reporting live from Ireland,

as spikey pieces of deadly rainbows plummet down from the sky

causing panic and destruction.

Remember, kids, rainbows are incredibly dangerous.

-At the first sight of one, run hard. -(SHEEP BLEATS)

(GASPS) Oh, my stars and garters!

(LIGHTNING STRIKES)

-Yikes! -Follow my lead.

Fun!

(GASPS)

-There it is. -The finish line!

Go for the gold.

(GASPS)

Why, you dirty... (MUMBLES)

I'm starting to think the luck of the Irish is overrated.

Get out of my way, you Gaelic gadflies!

(CARS ZOOM)

And The Turbo Terrific wins The Supersonic Shamrock 5000.

-(CRASHES) -(GRUNTS)

What a perfect way to end the race. (CHUCKLES)

♪ He's perfect ♪

I could have won, but I didn't feel like it.

Oh...

So, the pot of gold goes to Peter Perfect.

Peter, how do you feel at such a momentous moment?

Great, Brick. I'll just take my prize and...

-(ALL SCREAM) -No, you can't.

Please... Please don't take our gold.

It's all we have.

If you take it, all we'll have left

is immortality and magical powers.

We don't want to make anybody unhappy.

Right. It's really just about the racing.

And the cheating.

-(SCREAMS) -And the cheap laughs.

So, I can keep me gold.

No! I'll just be taking that gold

to cover the expenses for the damages you caused.

(BANGING)

Uh, so, now you wouldn't be holding that against me now, would ya?

(CRIES OUT)

So now what? Our pot of gold is gone and done.

I know I don't really understand that much about magic,

but couldn't you just make another pot of gold?

Huh! Hmm. Ah. (CHUCKLES)

Heh, heh, heh.

I'll magic up the biggest pot of gold anyone has ever seen!

(LAUGHS)

-Oh, no. -(BANGS)

Well, that's a lot of gold.

So what are you gonna do with it all?

We've got a few ideas about that, don't we, Periwinkle?

(SNICKERING)

We're here on the tropical paradise island of Tahiti

kickin' back with a group of new super-rich billionaire players

that are just rolling in clover.

It was so nice of the leprechauns

to invite us along on a vacation.

Vacation fun.

What a lovely way to chillax.

I need more sunscreen.

We should race in Ireland more often.

I really was nice of those fellows

to let us bring our cars along, wasn't it, Car?

CAR: Groove on, child.

(SNICKERING)

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