Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

CROWD: Yay!

(COW MOOING)

CROWD: Yay!

-Hey, babe. -Hi.

-(GROANS) -(SCREAMS)

CROWD: Yay!

Hey, hey, there Wacky Race fans.

This is Big Brick "the Cheese" Crashman, coming to you

live from the annual fermented cheese curd-tossing festival and car race

in fabulous downtown Sheboygan, Wisconsin.

-(EXCLAIMS) -CROWD: Yay!

Right smack dab in the exciting,

picturesque center of the American Midwest.

(MOOING)

(SNORING)

(GASPS)

-Thrilling, isn't it? (EXCLAIMS) -CROWD: Yay!

BRICK: Now, let's head down to the track

and see how the racers are getting ready.

Be careful packing those racing supplies, Muttley.

(MEOWING)

(MEOWING)

Where did I put that...

I told you it works, and don't drop it on your foot this time.

What? Where did he go?

Drat, those lactose-loving Limburgers!

They nearly landed an oversized curd on me,

with their ridiculous cheese-a-pult.

Do you want to see how my new time machine works?

What? (YELLS IN PAIN)

You just dropped a wrench on your foot.

I know I did.

What did you say that thing is?

It's a time machine.

-Impossible. -It's not impossible.

Watch.

(CATS MEOWING)

Be careful packing those racing supplies, Muttley.

Uh, wait.

I've said this before.

I told you it works,

and don't drop this on your foot this time.

You did it.

We've moved back in time.

(YELLS IN PAIN)

The only problem is, I can only get it to go back 30 seconds in time.

Hmm, really?

-Let me try. -(BEEPS)

(LAUGHS) It does go back 30 seconds in time.

I told you it works,

and don't drop this on your foot this time.

I.Q., you're a genius! (EXCLAIMS)

Tell me something I don't know.

This device is the very thing I need to win this race.

But that would be cheating!

Oh, would it?

I told...

What am I doing here?

Wasn't I just going to show you my new invention?

What new invention?

My time machine.

Hey! Where'd it go?

Well, maybe you should go look for it.

Off you go, little fellow.

Yeah, I guess I should.

With this time-twisting technology,

my triumph is tantamount to tangible!

-MUTTLEY: Hmm? -(DASTARDLY EXCLAIMS)

(SNICKERING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-(MOOING) -What?

Gorgonzola does that to everybody.

Oh! Hey, hey, there, Wacky Race fans.

The racers are about to get going

and I know just how they feel.

Oh, just light a match.

(ENGINES RUMBLING)

Four, three, two, one, go!

BRICK: Tiny and Bella take the lead, followed closely by I.Q. and Penelope.

Peter Perfect and Dick Dastardly are bringing up the rear.

-(CHEERING) -(COW MOOING)

Gosh, I love cheese.

This whole episode feels kinda cheesy.

I'll placate your peckishness, Perfect,

with my fiendishly full-frontal finely-furrowed trundle funnel.

(BEEPS)

-Sorry, Dicky, old buddy, but today is not your day to win. -(BEEPS)

Prodigiously played, Perfect.

But with I.Q.'s 30-second time machine,

I'll just give myself a deliciously devious do-over.

(ENGINES RUMBLING)

Four, three, two, one, go!

-(CHEERING) -(COW MOOING)

Gosh, I love cheese.

Time for that cheesy chucklehead to get shredded.

Sorry, Dicky, old buddy, but today is not your day to win.

(LAUGHS)

Peter, have you told that joke before?

I don't think so, but it does feel familiar, doesn't it?

It's the writing. All the jokes feel like that.

Writing bad.

If it's sharper wit you're after,

I can provide a cutting comment.

-Whoa! Better cheese it. -(BEEPS)

(YELLS) Do-over!

(ENGINES RUMBLING)

Four, three, two, one, go!

Gosh, I love cheese.

(LAUGHS)

Okay, I really have a crazy case of deja vu.

You know, so do I.

-Me too. -Me three.

I think I know what happened to my time machine.

And you think this time machine

is causing a feeling of things happening over and over?

So, the time machine is causing our deja vu?

Thereby causing our deja vu?

And making us feel like we're doing the same thing over and over?

And also, repeating ourselves?

Are you guys doing that on purpose?

-Muttley, fire the arrow. -(BEEPS)

Do-over!

(ENGINES RUMBLING)

Go!

Uh-oh! Wow, deja vu.

Wow, double deja vu.

-Me too! -You too?

Me too! Wow, deja vu.

Me too!

And you? Do you feel deja vu too?

I do feel deja vu. Do you?

Oh, will you stop that!

Muttley! Reveal the remote curd-a-pult.

(SNICKERING)

-You may fire when ready. -(BEEPS)

(ALARM BLARING)

I'm tracking a large number of fermented curds on an intercept vector.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Oh, my curds and whey!

(EXCLAIMS) I'm a mozza-Bella stick.

Oh, no! I'm allergic to processed dairy enzymes.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CHOMPS) Wow!

This is the best tasting trap I've ever been in.

Hey! You watch where you're shooting that cheddar, Jack!

Ha! Well done, Muttley!

Vainglorious victory is mine!

(EXCLAIMS) Drat.

Fermented dairy solids have obscured my vision.

Do-over.

(ALARM BLARING)

I'm tracking a large number of fermented curds on an intercept vector.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

What do we do?

I shall endeavor to engage effective evasive maneuvers.

I.Q.: Oh! PETER: Oh!

Oh, oh! That is some very scary dairy.

(LAUGHING)

Feta favors the brave!

What is it, you Gorgonzola glory hound?

Oh, what a revolting development this is. (YELLS)

Drat, drat, drat, drat!

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

(DASTARDLY GROANS)

-(DASTARDLY EXCLAIMS) -MUTTLEY: Hmm?

Do-over!

I just have to rember to avoid that granite quarry ahead.

Quickly, Muttley, press the emergency ejection buttons.

-Hmm? -Just do it, you Cheddarwurst!

(BEEPS)

(LAUGHS) I did it! I'm safe!

Nothing can get me now. I am completely and totally...

(YELLING)

DASTARDLY: Drat, drat, drat! MUTTLEY: Ow, ow, ow.

-Drat! -Ow!

-Drat! -Ow!

-Drat! -Ow!

-Drat! -Ow!

(DASTARDLY GROANS)

(RUMBLING)

(LAUGHS) Too fast for you! (YELLS)

(SNICKERING)

-(GROANS) Do-over. -(BEEPS)

(ALARM BLARING)

I'm tracking a large number of fermented curds on an intercept vector.

Must avoid cheese barrage.

(EXCLAIMS) Where'd that block of cheese come from?

A flying cow.

PENELOPE: Ow! Oh! PETER: Oh! Cheese!

(EXCLAIMS) What do we do?

Follow Dastardly. He seems to know where they're gonna hit.

It's working.

Dastardly is leading us to safety.

Purple man.

Hero.

DASTARDLY: Stop following me!

And Dick Dastardly wins the race.

-(CHEERING) -(TIRES SCREECHING)

WOMAN: Yay! He's the cheesiest.

Why are you making that terrible noise?

Muttley, this crowd has become unruly.

Liquidate them immediately and hide the evidence.

Oh, uh. No, no.

Dastardly, they're not an angry mob.

They're cheering you, because you won.

Cheering, screams of rage. It's all--

Wait! What did you say?

That you should seek professional help immediately?

No. After that.

That milkshake you gave me makes me sleep when I drive

and use the bathroom a lot more than my doctor thinks is healthy?

No. Just a second ago.

That you should seek professional help immediately?

Right before that.

He said, you won, Mr. Dastardly.

"Won..."

No, I don't think that's a real word.

Great job, old buddy.

Hey, does anyone else suddenly really, really hate the thought of cheese?

I love this feeling!

I want to feel like this again and again.

And you can!

By working hard, competing fair and square, and always doing your best.

Don't be ridiculous. That sounds like work.

No! I can relive this moment using the 30-second time machine.

Hey, you stole my time machine!

And now I'm going to use it to do the whole race over again.

But the machine can only go back 30 seconds.

Well, then, I'll just have to press the button more than once.

No! It's not designed to work like that. Don't do it.

(BEEPS)

(MAMMOTH TRUMPETING)

Where am I?

-(GROWLING) -Drat!

-(GROWLING) -No!

Muttley! (EXCLAIMS)

This is all your fault!

(ROARING)

(SNICKERING)

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