Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

Welcome race fans to this week's Wacky Race.

I'm Brick Crashman, soaring above the cornfields of Iowa

for the Corn County 500.

BRICK: In the lead is Peter Perfect in the Turbo Terrific.

Followed by Dick Dastardly in the Mean Machine.

And Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat.

Bringing up the rear are Tiny and Bella in the Doom Buggy.

(LAUGHS) Eat smokescreen, you lugubrious lunkhead.

Gee, it sure gets dark early here.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

On your right, darling.

Gosh, I should get these headlights fixed.

Perfect, the only thing worse than your despicable driving,

is this soporific scenery.

Mile after mundane mile, of boring cornfields.

Fun fact, cornfields generates spontaneous thunderstorms.

BRICK: Spontaneous corn-fed thunderstorms?

I don't think, that's a real thing.

-(AIR WHOOSHING) -(THUNDER)

(SCREAMING)

I stand corrected.

I mean, fall corrected.

Oh, the blimp! Oh, the designer suit.

(GROANS) The celebrity. (SOBBING)

-All this rain is making the road slick. -(TIRES SCREECHING)

And dark, very dark.

This could be dangerous, we should get out of the storm.

I know a shortcut through the cornfields. Follow me.

PETER: I know this area, like the back of my hand,

which I cannot see.

DASTARDLY: Why are we following him?

Whoops.

DASTARDLY: Drat. PENELOPE: Oh, my stars.

(TINY EXCLAIMS)

BELLA: Oh...

Let me get that, Peter. (BLOWS)

Oh, morning already?

Sorry guys, I guess my shortcut was more of a dead-end.

I'll see if there's any place nearby to fix the cars.

PAUL: Of course there is.

We have everything, anyone could ever need,

because you, my friends,

are in the most perfect place in the world,

PerfectVille.

♪ PerfectVille

♪ It's perfect. ♪

What was that?

PerfectVille? Oh, no! That's my hometown, we've gotta get away!

-(EXCLAIMS) -Well, well, well...

Peter Perfect,

I was wondering if you'd ever come back to town.

Oh, hello, Paul.

Y'all know each other?

Yeah, um, everyone this is Paul.

My brother Paul, this is everyone.

It's perfectly swell to meet you.

Here in PerfectVille, the sun is always shinning,

and the birds are always singing.

(SNORING)

I said the birds are always singing.

♪ PerfectVille

♪ It's perfect. ♪

Quite a mess you made here, Peter.

-It was an accident. -Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

After all, I'm used to cleaning up your little messes.

Aren't I, little brother?

Yeah, I guess.

(SNAPS FINGERS) Antonio.

-Si. -(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

You have an Italian racecar mechanic working in town?

I told you, everything is perfect,

in PerfectVille.

♪ PerfectVille

♪ It's perfect. ♪

That really is weirding me out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Except for Petey, of course.

Huh? That, that's not right.

Peter, perfect.

Peter, perfect?

(LAUGHS)

Ooh, that's rich.

Well, we think he is.

I'm sure you do.

But here in PerfectVille, our standards are bit higher.

♪ You see

♪ In this town like no other there's no excuse

DASTARDLY: ♪ For your brother PAUL: ♪ Huh

♪ For things not all that truly straight and square

♪ But though it seems a bit cliche

♪ This has always been our way

♪ Here's a song to show you just how much we care

♪ In this town B's are F's

♪ We settle only for the best

♪ So, we study hard all day and all night long

♪ In our town the streets all gleam

♪ And are ridiculously clean

(ALL SINGING)♪ The dogs all do their part to play along

(TOILET FLUSHING)

♪ The cats all wear tuxedos and never say mean things

♪ Our cellphones are on vibrate

♪ And never will they ring

♪ We call our moms each Christmas

♪ And on Hanukkah as well

♪ It could be a bit more often

♪ But hey, I think it's swell

♪ In every street and shop and home

♪ Every hair is nicely combed

♪ And on fleak is just the swaggy way we say

♪ Here in PerfectVille, nothing ever does go wrong

♪ 'Cause here it's simply perfect

♪ The absolutely perfect

♪ The perfect will be perfect

♪ To belong ♪

One of the many reasons Peter left

was that he never really quite fit in.

Really, Peter wasn't perfect enough for this town?

Well, obviously. Let me show you the rest of the town.

(SIGHS)

This is perfectly pleasant PerfectVille Park.

Each blade of grass is perfectly 1.2 inches long.

-(SNIFFING) -What are you doing, Penelope?

Just stopping to smell the roses.

In PerfectVille, the roses stop to smell us.

(SNIFFING)

(SIGHING)

(SNIFFING)

(SHRIEKING)

Aha, transport. I'll steal it and finish the race.

-(LAUGHING) -What is Dastardly doing on that lawnmower?

He's trying to win the race.

Cheating, bad.

We can't let Dastardly, get away with that.

(BANGING AND EXCLAIMING)

Those are your friends?

Come on, Paul, they're not all that bad.

(LAUGHS)

(SNICKERING)

(SNICKERING)

(CRYING)

(SCREAMING)

-Duck! -(QUACKING)

(EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMING)

Far from perfect, I'd say.

(DUCKS QUACKING)

This is the crown jewel of our town.

My farm.

Featuring PerfectVille's most perfect cornfield.

It's nice, I suppose.

So regimented,

it's like you've broken the spirit of Mother Nature.

Thank you. Each stalk of corn is grown exactly six feet high and three feet apart.

Making it easier for the shucking.

♪ It shucks. ♪

Ah! how did they get out here?

Oh, did somebody say "sucking"?

No. "Shucking."

It's when you remove the corn's husk from the corncob.

Wow! That was fast.

I'm the PerfectVille corn shucking champ.

You mean...

-Oh, no. -A shucking competition?

-Just like a... -Race?

(SNICKERING)

-Stand aside. -Oh, my ear.

Hey, my cornfield! My perfect cornfield.

(ENGINE RUNNING)

A Combine? That's cheating.

All's fair in love and corn.

Peter, if you can't stop your friends, I'll have to.

Now see here you... (EXCLAIMS)

(EXCLAIMS)

(GROANS)

Hm, something has seemed to have jammed up the gears.

(GROANING)

Come on, work.

(GROANING)

Stop it!

Stop it, all of you.

You're just like Peter, you're losers.

Big smelly losers!

You've lost every race you've ever been in

because you are the worst cheat, ever!

Why are you wearing a hat?

Dogs don't wear hats. You look ridiculous.

Huh?

You two are just creepy and weird.

Thank you.

It's not a compliment, you freaks.

And what is with all the pink?

Nobody dresses like that. You look like a giant flamingo.

Paul, it's one thing to treat me badly,

but no one talks to my friends like that.

Oh, please.

They're an embarrassment and so are you.

None of you are perfect enough for PerfectVille.

Yeah, well, who wants to be?

You've got everybody in this town wound up so tight, trying to be perfect,

nobody ever has any fun.

-"Fun"? -What is "fun"?

Life isn't supposed to be about being too afraid to try things

because you might do it wrong.

If you want to dance, go ahead and dance.

Who cares if you're any good.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Stop it. You're making fools of yourselves.

So I look foolish sometimes.

At least I have fun, I do new things,

and if I mess up, so what? At least I tried.

Peter's right. I'm tired of doing 300 sit-ups a day.

I want to be a dessert chef.

And I wouldn't mind going out to play.

Maybe learn to skateboard.

(EXCLAIMS) I'm doing it.

I'm... (SCREAMING)

(THUD) I'm so happy.

-(TOILET FLUSHES) -I'm tired of reading this newspaper.

You're making a mess.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

-(ALL CHANTING) Flaws are good! -Stop it. Stop it right now!

You are shaming the good name of PerfectVille.

You... You're all supposed to do the thing, you know?

(REENACTING SONG) ♪ It's perfect ♪

(ALL SHOUTING)

How you doing?

Stop! You're destroying the town.

-(ACCENTED) Excuse me. -Huh?

Your cars are ready.

(CHUCKLING)

Hey guys, the cars are ready.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

People control yourselves.

-You're animals, animals! -(ALL CHEERING)

This is all your fault, Peter.

Bye, Paul, see you at Christmas.

-(TIRES SCREECH) -Whoops!

(EXCLAIMING) (THUD)

(GROANS)

(GROANING)

(ENGINES REVVING)

PENELOPE: Peter, I think you may have accidently knocked over

your brother's little old statue.

Don't worry about it, Penelope.

After all, nobody is perfect.

♪ The end ♪

DASTARDLY: Don't tell me you still not hearing that?

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