Original subtitles

(SNICKERING)

ANNOUNCER: Nothing proves more that Peter Perfect

is a perpetually popular Wacky racer,

than the huge crowds that attend his public appearances.

It seems that fans just can't get enough

of the racer everyone admits is just perfect.

(SNORING)

Peter.

Peter, my boy, wake up.

We've got a big day ahead of us.

(YAWNS) Sorry, Miss Barnstorm.

I was up late, doing personal appearances.

I guess I fell asleep.

Oh, you poor thing.

But you know what they say, "No rest for the profitable."

(GASPS) I mean...

Popular. (GIGGLES)

You'd best buck up, son,

'cause you got all these appearances scheduled.

But... But some of these are the same time as our races.

Even I can't be in two places at once.

Hmm, but what if you could?

Ladies and gentlemen,

uh, okay, I guess just you guys.

Behold, my greatest invention,

the Duo-Dupley-Duo- Makinator-2000.

Ooh.

The dupli-pod will extract and copy

all the qualities that make Peter... Well, perfect.

Then, the Makinator pod

will create his exact duplicate

which will show up at all public appearances from now on,

leaving the real Peter free to relax between races.

Twice the Peter, half the stress,

and twice the profit.

Now, just step on in there, my boy.

-DASTARDLY: Barnstorm! -Huh?

I demand to know why my scheduled appearance

at the Hoboken Water Show

was given to that boatload of boneheads, the PDQ crew.

(SQUAWKS)

ALL: Ooh.

(CROWD CHEERING)

They got the gig, Richard,

because they are actually nice to their fans.

I'm nice.

Please, sir, can I have your autograph?

(CRYING)

That mean man made me blue.

-(SNICKERING) -That's not my fault.

She had crazy eyes.

(GROANS) Dicky,

if you'd just be a proper gentleman,

like Peter here...

Peter, Peter, Peter!

His explosive appellation is an assault on my eardrums.

From this moment on,

I demand to have everything that he has!

We're ready for Peter, Miss Barnstorm.

(MACHINE POWERING UP)

We'll talk about this later, Richard.

Let's get you in the machine, Peter.

Oh, no, you don't, Perfect, whatever that thing is.

You're not doing it without me!

-(ALARMS BLARING) -Dastardly, no!

-(GRUNTS) -(SNICKERING)

(ALARMS BLARING)

Oh, no!

(ALL WHIMPERING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

PENELOPE: Oh, my stars and garters!

Tiny hear boom.

Oh, is anybody losing blood?

Oh, 'cause that would be terrible, of course.

Peter, are you all right?

Yo, Pinky baby. I'm aces. (BELCHES)

What?

That's just not right.

-(GULPS) -(MUTTLEY GRUMBLING)

Oh, no, the Duo-Dupli-Duo-Makinator

must have extracted Peter's perfection

and the explosion happened

before it could be duplicated and put back.

So where did all his perfectness go?

(BELCHES)

My dear friends.

Are any of you hurt?

(ALL GASPING)

Let me help you up,

you devilishly clever young fellow.

Muttley tripped me!

Frowny face. I frowny face at you.

(SNICKERING)

Now, Muttley,

one mustn't stoop to treachery just to get what one wants.

Huh?

Come, my precious pooch and bosom companion.

Good deeds need doing.

Bye, bye, doggie.

-(CHOMPS) -(BELCHES)

Ooh, hot dogs. What?

Dastardly is nice?

Peter is like that?

This is too weird.

Anybody got a buck I can borrow?

I'll pay you back, maybe. (BELCHES)

When did I have nachos?

You'd better fix this, young man.

(GULPS)

-There. -(CAMERA CLICKS)

-Hmm. Huh. -(CAMERA CLICKS)

-Ha! (LAUGHS) -(CAMERA CLICKS)

-Hmm. Yee-haw! -(CAMERA CLICKS)

-(GRUNTS) -(HUMMING)

-(COUGHS) Hmm. -(CAMERA CLICKS)

-(HUMMING) Hmm. -(CAMERA CLICKS)

Oh. (LAUGHS)

(GROANS)

(SLURPING)

Okay, Peter, this computer will analyze

and, hopefully, restore your perfectness.

(CHOMPING)

(WIRES SHORT CIRCUITING)

(GROANS)

(MUTTLEY PANTING)

Come along, dear boy.

Good deeds await to the doing.

(DINGS)

(HORN BLOWING)

Look, Muttley!

That senior citizen is in need of our assistance.

(HORN BLOWING)

(GRUNTS) Hmm?

Oh, what a nice young man you are.

(GRUMBLING)

ANNOUNCER: An incredible act of selfless bravery

by the most notorious Wacky racer, Dick Dastardly.

Who's a pretty baby?

-You're a pretty baby. -(CAT YOWLING)

(LAUGHS) Yes, you are.

Well, fill my basket with gooseberries,

if borrowing Peter's perfectness

isn't a welcome little old change for the better.

Why, even the twitch that old nasty Dastardly

gave me has cleared up.

-(BONES CRACKING) -(GRUNTS) Almost.

Fifty thousand, three-point-two becarels from my beta-ray blaster

should make you perfectly Peter again.

(GULPING)

You ate my goldfish, didn't you?

-(BELCHES) -Ugh!

Tiny, activate.

(LASER ZAPPING)

(PETER SCREAMING)

(BELCHES)

(GROANS)

-Hmm. -Excuse me, mister.

But could I have... Oh, it's you.

Oh, dear child.

How lovely to see you again.

Please, accept my autograph,

and these humble tokens of my esteem.

(GRUMBLING)

-(MUTTLEY SCREAMS) -(SPLASHES)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(LAUGHS) I injected your perfect DNA

into the salivary glands of these electric eels.

Their bites will act as an electro-catalyst,

that will restore you to your former glory.

Release the eels!

(SCREAMING) Oh.

(SCREAMING) Hey, wait a...

(SCREAMING) Oh, that...

(SQUEAKING)

Do you feel perfect yet, Peter?

(SLURPING)

(ZAPPING)

(SMACKING LIPS)

-(GROWLING) -(LAUGHS)

(GROANS)

(LAUGHS)

More like aquari-yum, right?

(BELCHES)

Please don't tell me we're gonna have to get used to him like that.

Or him like that.

(WHIMERPING)

(HOWLING)

Behold my greatest invention!

The Perfecto-Extracting- Restructinator-3000.

All we have to do is stick this on Dastardly's head,

and it will extract all his perfectness,

which we can then inject back into Peter.

And what will become of Dastardly?

And Mr. Dastardly will be restored to his nasty, old self again.

DASTARDLY: Go back?

To being me?

Not if I can help it.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Get him, y'all.

PENELOPE: We're just trying to help you, Dastardly!

BELLA: We'll just be of assistance.

I.Q.: Dastardly. BELLA: This is an intervention.

I know you all mean well, but them's the brakes.

-(TIRES SCREECHING) -(GRUMBLING)

BELLA: Dastardly, come back.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

Let's split up, y'all. Peter's counting on us.

Whether he knows it or not.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(LAUGHS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

There's that rascal.

Get him, Tiny.

-(GRUNTS) -DASTARDLY: Uh-uh, not quite.

Blah! We'll never catch him in there.

That's the plan, chum.

And I do mean chum sincerely.

Time to fly the friendly skies.

Heads up, boys.

Huh?

PENELOPE: Sorry, Dastardly. This road is closed.

Darn, darn, and double darn.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(DRILL WHIRRING)

(WINCES)

Huh, this is tough on the bicuspids.

Nice shot, Tiny.

No, I won't do it.

I won't go back to being that worm.

That despicable do-badder.

That callous, conniving, cheating cad. Ugh!

Huh? Oh, no. Ooh.

(GROANING)

-(ALL GASPING) -Golly.

What a strange dream.

(ALL CHEERING)

TINY: Hooray, Peter's back!

What happened to me? (SMACKS LIPS)

Why do I have goldfish breath?

You don't wanna know.

It's good to have you back, Peter Perfect.

Look at those sniveling sycophants, Muttley.

I'm relieved to have Peter's pernicious perfection out of my system.

By the way, I don't think anyone missed anyone

more than Muttley missed you, Dastardly.

(KISSING)

(GROANS) That's enough.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, Dastardly, old buddy,

you're perfect just the way you are.

Double... (GROANS)

Tell you what, why don't you and I

do my personal appearances together, from now on?

Really? Well, I suppose that would be okay.

Step right up, kids.

Be the first to dunk a Wacky racer

into the electric eel tank for charity.

Electric eels?

(CRACKLING)

(SCREAMING)

(SNICKERING)

Muttley!

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