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Ah, this is it.

Looks kind of... empty.

Gee.

Ya think?

Right, pardon me,

but may I help you two lovely lads with something?

Hey boss, there he is.

What do you know, he's a zombie.

Indeed, I am.

Hey, true or false?

Yes.

Are you the guys that eat brains?

Why yes, I do enjoy a nicely grilled cerebellum

with a side of chips.

Ah! The bigger the better.

Well then, Floop, you're safe.

Harsh.

Quite rude.

Oi! Hello.

Zombie problem solved.

Ugh.

He's so brittle.

Look at him, Floop.

A stinking, rotten bag of human garbage, oh.

Yep, he's a real sack of crap.

So why do you want him?

This man is Franz Pennywhacker

the world's greatest pianist.

I want those phalanges.

Ah, I get it.

I don't get it.

Photo.

Snap to it.

Chop, chop!

Hold it.

Smile for the birdie.

Come on, come on.

Aw, come on.

You can smile bigger than that.

Ah, no, don't do the finger.

Uh, what else ya got?

Yeah, okay, we'll do that one.

I sure hope all these parts fit together.

You know, a man's more than the sum of his parts.

I don't mean just slap together Superman.

Wow.

How incredibly thoughtful and sensitive

and yet so insightful.

Come on, we have a lot of grave robbing

ahead of us this evening.

Hiya!

Couldn't we have gotten a horse for this?

Onward. We have little time to waste.

I hate this job.

Ow, oh, oh, oh! The back!

Oh, the back's out again!

Oh, oh no, oh no!

Igor?

Igor, where are you? Come on.

Come out, come out.

I know you're around here.

Come on, you little flying rodent.

Igor!

Igor where are you? Igor!

Ig...

Gah!

Right here, my Lord.

Come on, my back's out.

I need you to do that thing you do.

Come on, hurry, please.

I'll get those vertebrae as straight

as my great aunt Elva's knickers.

I presume it's the lumbar in that pesky L4.

Yes, L4 and five.

Oh, ah!

Come on, come on.

Hurry up, hurry up.

Do it, do it.

Oi.

All right, on three.

And three!

Oh, gah.

Better?

Better.

Better.

Oh, Igor, thank you, thank you.

That's good.

I gotta tell you something,

once you hit 300, everything starts to go.

And I mean everything.

Sir, you keep telling me, sir.

Is Lily awake?

Yes, sir.

She's out on a date with a Mr. Or lock.

Oh, that's good news.

I really think she's gonna fall for this fella.

I know a love connection when I see it

and this is a love connection.

And I wanna tell ya something about Or lock.

He's not only handsome,

but he's a real swinger.

And most importantly, he's loaded to the fangs!

So I assume you are Or lock?

Yes, yes.

And you are?

Um, Lily.

Oh yes, yes, Lily.

It's always so hard to remember the names.

Oh.

I'm hungry, let's eat.

Okay!

Ha, ha!

Good evening, Mr. Or lock.

We have your usual table ready.

Please, follow me.

So, do you bring all your dates here?

Yes, yes, every night.

Oh.

Okay.

Oh, whatever happened to our waiter?

He moves like a snail.

Uh-huh.

It seems like they've been waiting awhile.

Oh, they are dead.

Who's hungry?

I have one Cleopatra Special.

Oo, hoo, hoo!

No garlic, for the lady.

And one Anubis Salad.

This looks good.

Extra onions.

Bon appetit!

So how is your food?

Delicious.

Um.

Oh, so I noticed on your dating profile

you only listed two hobbies,

the black plague and pestilence.

Which I thought, technically, were both the same.

Exactly the same.

I love them both equally.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I love it too.

It's just, you know, kind of old news.

Do you like rats?

Of course, who doesn't?

Oh! Good, good, good!

I have pictures of my fuzzy little nuggets.

Oh.

Oh, ho!

Somehow I'm not surprised.

Mm, oh!

This is Eric.

He's a naughty boy.

Oh, he's a cute little fella.

Oh! This is Steve.

He's a real cut up.

Watch out for his hijinks!

Oh, yeah, he's cute too.

Oh, this Opie but I call her Tubby.

She likes to cuddle under my pillow.

Uh-huh.

He likes to sit on my head, ha, ha.

Marry me.

Ah!

She likes to play hide and seek.

She's really big and fat.

Rolly Polly, Jill.

Pumpkin!

Do you want to rub Pumpkin's nose?

Oh, I'm good.

Oh, okay.

Come to me.

Be a good little wolf.

Ah, puppy.

Come forward and sit.

Awaken.

Oh, man.

You are a difficult wolf to find.

Which is strange, because you are the only wolf

in town that owes Zoya big money!

Me? Nah.

I've been around on the scene.

You know, rocking and rolling.

I know scene, you are not rocking man on scene.

Ha, ha! Right, like this guy knows the scene?

Give me a break!

I get around.

Enough!

You give me money now or Bella

will chop off your hand.

Okay, stop.

Let's not get crazy.

I gotta ask ya a question.

Why you got a picture of my pops on your wall?

That is ancient, unfinished history.

Uh, I don't like the sound of that.

He should call.

It is time for you to make the call.

Igor, get the phone.

I'm watching TV.

What does he do that's so important

that he can't be here when I need him?

Never mind, I'll get it myself.

It's not like I'm the Count.

Yeah, who is this?

Leave me alone.

Yo, pops!

How ya been, baby?

Hey guess what?

You're very lucky, I'm in a good mood tonight.

I'm gonna give you exactly two seconds.

Are ya ready?

Go.

I know a straight as an arrow business lady who...

Time's up.

Listen, pops, she wants to buy the castle

and transform it into a casino slash theme park.

We can't lose.

What do ya say?

Get the hair out of your ears

and listen very, very closely.

I would rather go into business with Jack the Ripper!

Who by the way is no Jack the tipper.

5% tops with this guy, it's an embarrassment.

Than ever go into business with you!

Moron.

I assume you heard what he said.

All Zoya hear was big, big trouble

for little wolf, wolf.

Funny.

That's what I heard too.

Oh, nice neighborhood.

So, do you live around here?

Yes, yes.

Just around the corner.

Oh well, that's convenient.

Oh yes, yes.

Very convenient.

I have a little surprise.

Close your eyes.

Oh.

Come with me.

Just over here.

Okay.

No peeky-peeky.

Open your eyes!

Ah.

I'm gonna go.

Oh.

Okay.

You're watching TV 666 Transylvania.

Breaking news!

What, what's this?

With Donna Doomley.

Good evening, I'm Donna Doomley with breaking news.

Transylvania's favorite funny man,

Shecky Von Rathbone, has died.

Shecky was eaten alive last night

by an irate heckler.

You're momma's so stupid, uh,

she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours

because it said concentrate.

You call that jokes?

The guy got what he deserved.

I got a good job.

I mean, working at a mirror factory

is something I could totally see myself doing sexy.

The remains of Shecky were taken to the Dew Drop In

Funeral Home.

Shecky's death comes just hours

after the passing of his brother, Shelly Von Rathbone,

world renown astrophysicist.

Sometimes referred to as

the smartest man on earth.

Silicon carbide grains are present

in refractory inclusions.

A mere child could trace the torsions.

Shelly's body also lies in state

at the Dew Drop In Funeral Home.

Although it is unlikely that anyone

but a complete moron, and I do mean complete moron,

would ever confuse these two men.

I'm Donna Doomley and I will continue

to bring you the news as it breaks.

I'll stand guard from across the way

while you steal the second most brilliant brain of our time.

Question.

And I know what you're gonna say.

Leave the sciencey stuff to you, but,

why don't we steal the first

most brilliant brain of our time?

Because, my dear Floop, I'm still using it.

Geez, conceited much?

No, not conceited at all.

Simply dropping ice cold facts.

Well, giddy up, little doggy.

And remember!

Shelly Von Rathbone.

No other brain shall do.

What do I look like, a moron?

Don't answer that!

I wrote it on my hand.

Oh god.

Nope.

Nope.

Bingo!

Well, hello Mr. Von Rathbone.

Sorry, old boy.

But I'm gonna be needing that melon.

Think of it!

The brain of a super genius transplanted

into the body of a perfect physical specimen.

Ha, ha, ha!

So what are ya gonna call him?

I hadn't given much thought

to such trivial matters, but now that you mention it,

Project 27X67H54 is a bit dry.

Ah!

As I stride this unholy planet

as a modern day Prometheus, perhaps Uranus!

God of the sky!

Seriously?

You're making his life a lot harder

than it has to be with a name like Uranus.

Well, I suppose you have a better idea.

Okay, go on, out with it.

I don't know, Herman.

Herman?

Yeah.

I had a pitspire named Herman, he was a swell guy.

Hm, he's gonna need a last name too.

How about Munster?

Do you really think I would call

the greatest creation in the history of mankind

Herman Monster?

Not Herman Monster, Herman Munster.

Like the cheese.

Like the cheese!

Out of my way, you simpleton.

I've got work to do.

Let's make history, Floop!

Are you ready?

Three!

Two!

One!

And away we go!

Ah, ha, ha!

Ah, ah, I want more volts!

Woo, ah!

Woo!

Yes, we need it!

We need more power!

Ah!

Don't do it!

You'll kill us both!

Ah, ha!

Warning, warning!

Give me more power!

Are you insane?

Woo! Ha, ha, ha!

Live, I tell you!

Live!

Cut the power, Floop!

And done!

Oh, my creation is born.

I'm no expert.

In fact, you yourself called me a, what was that again?

Simpleton.

Right, simpleton.

So, take this in the proper spirit, but uh.

Shouldn't he be moving or something?

Interesting.

Anything going on in there?

No!

No!

Well, what are ya gonna do?

It's alive!

Alive!

Oo, no, ugh.

I was talking about my pet cockroach, Ernie.

You see, I thought he was dead, but look, he's fine.

Aye!

Oh no, he's still fine.

Tough little bugger.

You have no idea what this failure means to humanity.

I could have changed the course of life as we know it.

I could have altered mankind's place in the universe.

I could have...

Oh, I'm sorry.

Am I boring you?

Well, am I?

Don't speak, my dear creation.

Don't speak.

Save your words of wisdom for the grand unveiling.

Ha, ha, oh.

The world will be watching.

Ha, ha, ha!

Live from the beautiful Carpathia Mountains

it's "Good Morning Transylvania."

With your host, the one and only, Ezra Mosher.

Ladies and gentlemen, here's Ezra.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome back to "Good Morning Transylvania."

I'm your host, Ezra Mosher

and we are coming to ya live from the very windy studio...

So I really thought you and old Or lock

were gonna hit it off.

Maybe you should give him another shot.

All right, so he's a little obsessed

with the black plague.

A man needs his hobbies.

It's not just that.

I want a man that makes my blood run cold.

A man that every time he enters my crypt,

it's like a stake through my dead, black heart.

I could whip ya up a hubby down in the lab.

Oh no! Remember what happened last time?

It took us a month to get him off the roof.

He was batty, but he sure had charisma.

Eh.

Now, can we change the subject of my love life?

So your idiot brother Lester called last night.

Mm, let me guess.

He's broke again.

He wants me to sell our castle

and cut him in on the deal.

Well, at least he dreams big.

Heh, his dreams are my bank accounts worst nightmare.

Oh.

Oh my goodness.

We've got a great treat in store for everyone.

Our favorite mad scientist, Dr. Wolfgang,

is here to unveil his latest creation.

Oh, ha!

Now ladies and gentlemen.

Let's give a warm, "Good Morning Transylvania" welcome

to the one, the only Dr. Henry Augustus Wolfgang!

Oh, ho, ho!

Oo, hoo, hoo!

What a pleasure to have you here.

May I call ya Henry?

Oh, finally.

Raven's egg with a side of tarantula hash browns, my lady.

Oh, thank you, Igor.

It looks yummy!

Bring it on, bring it on.

We have something extraordinary,

and I know everyone backstage

is so excited about what's going on.

Your regular, my Lord.

Ice cold.

Some of the most substantial intellects

in Transylvania have called you certifiable.

Well, these so-called substantial intellects.

Well they can just eat my

And kiss my rosy little.

Oh, hoo, hoo!

Well doctor, now that we've got that out of the way

why don't you show us what you've got?

Speak, my child of electricity.

Speak, my child of tomorrow!

Speak!

Oh my god.

He is gorgeous.

Look at that head.

Perfectly flat.

You don't see that everyday.

Hey, can you imagine having

a big maroon like that in the family?

I couldn't live with the shame.

Shh!

Dazzle them with some quantum physics.

Huh?

Enough talking.

Now a little music.

Speak.

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well.

Boy, I didn't know those things actually worked.

My friend recently died drinking a gallon of varnish.

It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.

Maestro, hit it!

A horse walks into the bar.

The bartender says, why the long face?

Speaking of establishments,

I'm thinking of opening up a restaurant.

I'm gonna call it Karma.

There's no menu.

You just get what you deserve.

Okay, okay, I can actually feel

my brain cells dying.

Igor, change the channel.

Don't you dare touch that dial!

Oh!

Goodnight, everybody!

I mean, good morning, ha, ha, ha!

He's perfect!

Ruined, I tell you!

Disgraced in front of the entire world

by a dancing baboon.

Don't worry, I got the situation under control.

I've been working on some really keen magic tricks.

Magic tricks?

- Juggling? - Juggling!

Impressions?

Wait until you get a load of this one.

You gotta ask yourself one question.

Do ya feel lucky?

Huh? Do ya, punk?

Woo, I get chills every time I hear it.

I've heard enough!

Oh.

Farewell, comrades.

Away, I must go.

To live amongst the beasts.

And the lepers.

Of dark Zanzibar.

The old doc sure isn't cut out for show business.

Well, it's a little more complicated than that.

You see, there are unfounded rumors

that I might have accidentally switched brains and...

Ah, forget it! It's old news.

Floopy, old boy, I've been meaning to ask you something.

What's that, big guy?

For some strange reason,

I can't seem to remember my name.

Well.

Picture it in lights.

The greatest name in all of show business,

izness, izness, izness.

Herman Munster!

Right this way.

I find wolf sneaking out backdoor.

When I hear your Lester was in my club,

I was assuming he was here to deliver good news.

You own this joint?

Zoya owns many joints.

Yeah, I guess... I guess I should a figured that.

Well?

Good news? Yes.

Well, I'm close.

I got a few irons in the fire.

I've got my feelers out there in the street

and I'm pretty sure with a little more time,

I can get you what you want, heh.

I give you two weeks to get the castle.

Afterwards, you're head is mine.

Nah, that ain't gonna work.

I'm starting to think my material is too intellectual.

Maybe I should return to my vaudeville roots.

Ugh, no way, man.

This is the wave of the future.

What do you guys think?

Ah, they don't know nothing.

See, they agree.

Don't listen to them, they're relics.

I'm talking about the long road

to the tippity top!

Well, maybe I should go a bit more mainstream.

I am a man of many parts.

The honey babies are falling at your feet, you're the man!

I'm not looking for honey babies.

Hey, baby, what's shaking?

I'm looking for a vision, a queen, true love.

Forget about the dames, man.

Worry about the music.

We gotta feed the machine and we gotta cut some vinyl.

The beast is hungry, and besides,

Rome wasn't built in a day.

True, but I believe I was.

Yeah, well, that's besides the point.

I need some hits.

You want hits?

Okay, I'll give you hits.

Ah!

So you give me what I want?

Yes.

I will get that deed signed.

The castle will be yours.

And we can all live happily ever after.

I promise.

Get out.

What the heck?

Lily, I never thought I'd see you haunting

these hallowed halls.

What brings you here?

That, my dear brother, is none of your business.

I bet it's that new cat, Herman.

I can dig it.

I was rapping with him earlier.

Solid dude.

Seriously?

You know him?

How?

You wanna meet him?

Oh yes!

But I don't know if I trust you making the introduction.

Consider me your bat wing man.

Although, I do seem to be a little light tonight.

Danke.

So?

Where is he?

Who?

Herman Munster!

Oh, oh, oh.

Your Romeo is just down the hall, last door on the left.

Or right, one of them doors.

Ha, ha, ha.

And what exactly do you want?

Um, is Herman Munster in there?

Maybe.

And who should I say is calling?

Lily.

Why don't you just take a number

and wait in the alley with the rest of the chicks?

Well, hello.

Hi, um, I'm a big fan and um,

I was wondering.

Well, wait, no this sounds dumb.

But maybe would you like to come over for dinner one night?

Dinner.

I'd have to check my schedule.

Please hold.

Oh boy, oh boy!

Oh boy, oh boy!

Uh, yeah.

I happen to have an opening sometime

in the near future.

What night were you thinking about?

Um, well, maybe tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Hold, please.

Oh.

Whoa, tomorrow!

Tomorrow!

Uh, yeah.

I moved some appointments around.

I think tomorrow works.

Fantastic.

Here's my address.

And we usually eat early.

Um, we?

Oh, my father, the Count and I.

Ha, I can dig that, the Count.

Far out.

Now I know you show business people keep weird hours.

Shall we say around midnight or is that too early?

Well, I usually have my bubble bath,

yummy treat, and nap time.

But yeah, midnight sounds great.

Tomorrow it is, my sweet Lily.

Oh.

Tootles.

Herman's got a date!

I can't go, I tell ya, I can't go.

What are you talking about?

Why can't you go?

I haven't got a thing to wear.

Herman, you gotta take it easy.

You're a stud.

She's just some undead chick from out in the sticks.

Quit being so dramatic.

Dramatic!

Lily thinks I'm a Hollywood big shot.

A swinger in the in-crowd.

I'm no Bobby Darin.

She's gonna see right through me

and know I'm just a big boob!

Ah, I need the perfect choice.

Herman isn't some lug head who just fell off

the funeral truck.

He's a man of the world.

Well boob or no boob,

when you got hot wax like this,

the world is at your feet, baby!

Why, brother man.

With a disc like this, who can resist?

So Igor?

Which dress says I'm very, very interested

but not a miserable and depressed?

The silk baby tarantula web?

Well, yes.

Well yes, of course.

Or the faux lizard silk chiffon?

Oh, um, the faux.

Um, oh, well you could.

Maybe, yes.

Igor, get with it!

Yowza, baby!

Kick it! Woo!

Oh!

Fresh blood, get your fresh blood!

Fresh blood!

Grab your fresh blood!

Fresh blood!

Lilies!

Ha, this my lucky night.

What else can I do for you today?

Well, everything looks so great.

I'll take a bottle of the B posit...

No! I'm gonna splurge.

O negative.

Oh, that's a good year.

It's two leg, and one for the lilies.

Three leg? Wow, prices are going up.

You know, that reminds me.

I bought a balloon yesterday.

I thought the same thing.

Must be the inflation.

Ha, ha, ha!

Ah, ha, ha!

Hello, Lily!

That's too boring.

Good evening, my dear Lily.

That's too uptight.

Yo, what's up?

Nah, that's too glib.

It doesn't seem glib.

There's no good.

Hey, baby doll. What's shaking?

Let's blow this pop stand and get our groove on.

Hermie's got the moves.

Back it up, back it up.

Hermie's backing it up.

Hey, numbskull!

What?

I said, hey numbskull!

Excuse me sir, can you speak up?

I assume you are the Herman Munster character

I've been hearing so much about lately?

Yeah, I think I'm the only one!

When they made me they broke the mold!

With you in it, I presume.

No!

I think I was out by that point!

Wait there, I'm gonna come right...

Down.

Are you gonna come inside

or do you wanna stand out here

swiveling your hips like a rabid baboon in heat

for the whole neighborhood to see?

I'll come in!

Why are you shouting?

I thought you liked it!

Why don't you come inside?

After you.

Thank you!

I mean, thank you.

This is for you.

Oh yeah, what is it?

It's a bottle of O negative.

The blood lady said it was a very good year.

Well, you're very kind.

Thank you.

The kind I don't need.

Hermie, thank you so much for coming.

I hope you like curried scorpion casserole.

I made it especially for tonight.

If you made it, I know I'm gonna love it.

As a matter of fact,

I saved a special spot for it right here.

I mean right here.

Oh, you.

Oh, these are for you.

Thank you so much.

Lilies are my favorite.

He gives her lilies because her name is Lily.

We're dealing with some serious brain power here.

Father, that's quite enough.

Come on, Hermie.

I'll show you around.

Yes, Lily.

I beg her to make curried scorpion casserole

and I get nothing.

All of a sudden Mr. Herman Munster comes over

and it's raining curried scorpion casserole.

Oh, bebop, baloo-bop!

How low can you go?

I mean, the songs just come to me.

I got a million of 'em.

I mean, I don't even know where they come from exactly,

but I get a lot of hot tracks up in this noggin.

Ah.

You know, father, Herman isn't just

another pretty face.

He's also very, very funny.

Stop.

Oh yeah, that's right.

Flat top here fancies himself a comedian.

All right, dazzle me with your side splitting wit.

Okay.

Here's one I know you're gonna love.

How do you keep a grouchy, old,

broken down, vampire in suspense?

I don't know.

How do you keep a grouchy, old,

broken down vampire in suspense?

I'll tell ya later.

Ha, ha, ha!

Ah, ha, ha!

Oh, you.

Okay, what exactly are your intentions here?

Because, as you can see, I've been around

the cemetery a few times myself,

and you are not going to bamboozle me

with your fancy showbiz fast talk.

I assure you, my good man.

My intentions are nothing but honorable.

Deep inside

beats the heart of a simple country boy.

Oh.

In fact, most of my parts

come straight from the dirt.

Oh!

Did you hear that?

You can't get more grounded than that.

A simple country boy straight from the dirt.

Preach it, sister.

This is a bunch of cornball hooey.

Listen, Herman, you may have hoodwinked Lily

with your folksy gibberish,

but it ain't working on me.

Okay, we're done here.

Enjoy your scorpion, father.

Come on, Hermie.

Let's go for a walk.

Uh, well, it was so nice to meet you

and I hope to see you again soon.

Over my dead body.

That would be delightful.

Oh, ignore him.

Come on, Hermie.

Come on, let's go.

Okay, Lily.

Hey by the way, your scorpion is undercooked!

Igor.

Sir?

We have to do something about this situation.

What's that?

Oh, that's one of my gravestones.

Wow!

I hope you don't take the things

my father says to heart.

He's a bit old fashioned and has

a tendency to go straight for the jugular.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that, heh, heh.

Oh, I didn't mean it literally.

Although to be safe, wear high collared shirts

while you are getting to know each other.

Oh.

Lily it shall be my mission in life

to get that man to like me.

And when Herman Munster puts his head to something,

Herman Munster puts his head to it.

Unless of course it falls off.

- Can I confess something? - Please do.

I knew the moment I laid eyes on you

that you were special.

I understand if you don't feel the same.

I'm just a regular gal living a boring, normal life.

No, when I first saw you

my heart leapt from my chest.

If there's one thing I know

is that the rest of the world melted away

as soon as you appeared in my life.

Oh, Hermie.

Mm.

After you, my dear.

Oh.

Uncle Gilbert!

What a surprise.

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Nice to meet you, young man.

It's an honor.

That's quite a grip.

Oh look, there's one.

Oh Hermie, it's so romantic here

with the soft, gentle screech of the vultures

circling overhead.

It sure is, dear.

Unfortunately the clouds are clearing up

and the sun's coming out.

Oh.

Pussy cat, this last week has been

the most wonderful time of all of my lives.

Lily, I've been meaning to ask you something.

Oh yes, pookie bear?

Okay, keep it together big guy.

You're Herman Munster.

You got this, you practiced it.

Let's do it.

Lily, I...

What is it?

Is something wrong?

Will you, ma, ma, ma...

Marry me?

Oh, Hermie!

You've made me the happiest ghoul in the world.

Everything you ever wanted to know about magic spells

but were afraid to ask.

Igor, there's gotta be a husband spell in here somewhere.

Are you sure about this?

It seems that Miss Lily is truly in love.

Oh come on, you know and I know

that we gotta get rid of that bozo Herman Munster.

He's got no class.

Class?

Yeah, class.

He's a stitch job from the wrong side of the cemetery.

He's not the type of person I want

my Lily hooking up with.

Hamster.

Oh, hippopotamus.

Let's see, husband!

There's a husband spell.

I really think you should reconsider.

Who's side are you on, anyway?

Mine's the best one.

It's the most gruesome.

It is not, mine is uglier.

Oh yeah?

I've got the ugliest face.

Freddy, we're talking about the sweatshirts.

Sorry things didn't work out for you

so great at the leper colony.

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, at least you came home

with that cool new T-shirt.

They gave it to me when they lost my luggage.

Hey, hey, you're back!

It's not a crime to go on holiday, now is it?

Uh, well, you look good.

You look good.

Is something different?

New hairdo?

Yeah, new hairdo.

Spray tan?

So, how'd it go?

I'm assuming she said yes?

Oh God.

Oh, I knew it!

I knew she was a phony.

Vampire chicks are all the same!

One bite and it's so long, sucker!

There's always somebody

that spoils everything by chickening out.

She said yes.

That no good, fang banger!

Wait, wait, what?

She said yes!

She said yes!

She said yes!

She said yes!

Let's begin.

Alrighty, we'll start with the chest hair of Tarzan.

For that swinging vibe.

There you go.

Oh, and of course she'll want him

to have some special moves

so how about a pair of dancing shoes.

One from Fred Astaire and one from Gene Kelly.

And to top it all off with a little swagger.

A cowboy hat of the one and only John Wayne.

Well how about that, the Duke did wear a toupee.

And now some wizarding words.

Herman Munster dumb-dumb will be no more.

When you bring the perfect marrying man

to my sweet Lily's door!

What?

What?

Ugh, I always forget one ingredient.

One simple ingredient.

Here we go, perfect husband coming up.

Ah! Ah!

What? What?

Okay, alrighty, what went wrong?

Hold on.

Ah! This isn't the hair of Tarzan.

It's the hair of Cheetah!

Okay, time to shuffle off to Buffalo.

Keep going, all right.

Ah, you win some, you lose some.

Lily, is that you?

Ha!

Wow, hey.

You're in a good mood.

Everybody's in a dancing mood tonight.

Is that a victory dance

because you finally got rid of that bum Herman Munster?

Wait a minute, what exactly is going on here?

Are you drunk?

Did that good for nothing give you wine?

No, silly.

You know I never drink wine.

It's this.

Is that what I think it is?

Yes, it is.

Oh, brother.

Herman Munster!

How's it going, man?

Man, it's going great.

And you are?

I'm Lester, baby.

Ah, Lester Baby.

Your future brother-in-law.

Oh!

I'm the one who pointed Lily directly to your door.

If not for me, who knows if love would have bloomed.

Oh, ho, ho, it is so great to meet you.

So listen, Herman, now that you and I

are practically blood related

I think it's only right that I tell ya

about this sweetheart real estate deal.

That sounds boss, man.

But, I think it's best if Lily handles

the finances because I don't have a head for numbers.

Come on, Herman.

Get with it.

You gotta get ahead of the curve.

If you wanna swerve.

Oh, ho, yeah!

What do you mean?

Now that you and my lovely sister

are tying the knot, what's hers is yours, right?

Well, you do have a point.

I assume you are the man of the house, right?

Yeah, well, I guess I am.

You guess!

Come on, brother man.

Stick that chest straight out.

I am the man of the house.

That's the spirit.

Just sign on the dotted line

and you and your lovely bride

will be residing on easy street.

Oh, goodie!

Lester Baby, you are the man with the plan.

Oh.

Oh!

Please proceed with the vows.

Dearest Lily.

You're the hemlock in my veins,

the cobweb in my brains.

I wanna boogie, oogie, oogie

'til we just can't boogie no more.

My sweet pussycat.

Rawr.

I knew from the moment I saw your flat head

and that cute little scar,

that I wanted to spend every moment

tightening those neck bolts.

All I ask is that we spend

the rest of my lives growing disgracefully old together.

And now the rings.

Oh yeah.

Oh, uh, hey.

Yo-yo. Ha, ha.

Yo-yo.

Oh, there they are.

Oh!

Herman, do you take Lily Gruesella

to be your lawfully wedded wife

until a stake through the heart do you part?

Oh.

What a cream puff!

I do.

Oh!

Lily Gruesella, do you take Herman Dillon Munster

as your husband until a loss of electricity do you part?

I do!

If anyone objects to the marriage

of these two wretched souls, speak now

or forever hold your peace.

Yeah, uh...

I was just gonna say, good luck.

You're gonna need it with that big dope.

I now pronounce.

I now pronounce.

I now pronounce. I now pronounce.

I now pronounce.

Whoopsie.

I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Munster.

Oh yeah.

Pardon me.

Could someone please call 911?

Come on, Hermie.

Mrs. Munster wants to start her new life.

Mrs. Munster.

Bye!

He's your bloody problem now, mate.

Oh, there's Lester.

Did I miss the wedding?

As a matter of fact, you did.

Well, then, let me take this opportunity

to congratulate my baby sister

and um, my new partner.

Scram.

Let's make some money, brother!

That Lester, what a character.

Gotta love him.

Ha, ha.

What exactly was Lester talking about?

You didn't give him money, did you?

Money? No!

He's just tipsy.

You know how wolves get after a few too many.

I know, my sweet, adorable Hermie baby

wouldn't be dumb enough to get into

a lame brain business scheme with Lester.

Business? With Lester?

Don't be ridiculous.

Ha, ha.

Good, I would hate to think I just threw

my life away marrying a blockhead.

The castle is now official yours.

Ah, it appears your brother-in-law

is as stupid in the brain as you.

What about my green?

That's it?

That is what is left for you after our cut.

My advice to you, don't borrow money from Zoya.

Trust me, you ain't never seeing me again.

Next time we won't be so hospitable.

There won't be no next time.

I'm going straight to Las Vegas.

So I can quadruple my pitiful stack.

Ha, ha.

Wolf never learn.

Wolf is stupid.

Merci!

French fries.

Oh, look up there!

Tres magnifique!

So, romantic.

I hate to say it, but old Paris is overrated.

These are some of the homeliest people I've ever seen.

I noticed that too.

And they sure have a funny way of reacting to foreigners.

Some of these customs seem downright rude.

Well, wait a second.

I almost forgot.

I think this will solve our problem.

We'll have no trouble blending in.

Oh, pookie!

You look so continental and suave.

I hope they don't confuse me for Maurice Chevalier.

Oh, what a beautiful sculpture.

Hey look, a mime.

That's the height of French culture, very classy.

Oh right about now I think I could use some culture.

Sacre bleu!

I don't get it.

That's the loudest mime I've ever seen.

Must be that new modern mime I was reading about.

Oh.

Oh, Hermie, look.

Oh, he's so cute.

What a sweetie.

Oh, what's it say?

Monstre les egouts de Paris.

Huh?

Monster haunts the sewers of Paris.

Oh, ho, ho! Oh, goodie!

Let's go.

What a fun town!

This is so romantic.

It reminds me of the old neighborhood.

Oh, I'm surprised it's so empty.

I thought it would be crawling with tourists.

Oh, well this is why it's empty.

It's closed.

Oh!

I so wanted to find that little cutie.

Stand back.

Oh, Hermie.

You're so manly.

After you.

Oh, I think I hear something.

There it goes!

Ah!

Herman.

Herman.

Oh, he's adorable!

Boy oh boy.

Boy, that is nice.

That is very, very nice.

Wow.

Look at this neck, it's completely natural.

Yeah, boy, look at that.

That's what I say.

I'm really a leg man, myself.

Preferably two if possible.

What's that?

Special delivery, my Lord.

From Zoya Krupp.

Zoya Krupp?

Why does that name sound familiar?

I believe you were once married.

You know what, Igor, you're right.

I was married.

Let me tell ya something.

I really dodged a stake with this one.

Yeah, she was a little wacky.

And she swore she would get revenge on me.

But you know, they all say that.

My dear Count, as you once broke Zoya's heart

I now return the favor.

Enjoy being a peasant.

Good news?

We're being evicted!

How is this pa, pa, possible?

Because, I have a complete numbskull

for a son-in-law!

Huh?

Lily!

Your lover boy Herman

is getting lonely.

Almost ready, pookie bear!

How's the newest member of our family doing?

Oh, he's being just as cute as can be.

What should we name him?

I was thinking, Spot.

You know, he looks like a Spot.

Oh, oh, goodie.

That's the champagne I ordered.

Room service at this hotel is terrible.

Every time I order something

they just throw it at me from across the hall.

Oh, Herman.

You have to remember, we're not in Transylvania anymore.

They do things differently over here.

Tell me about it.

I can't follow the plot of this Woody Woodpecker cartoon

to save my life.

Oh.

Bonjour, mademoiselle.

Merci beacoup.

Sweetie, I'm ready.

Father!

What's going on?

This halfwit, blockhead dummy you married

just signed over our castle

to my crazy ex, Zoya.

Well Lester said, if I didn't swerve then...

No, wait.

If I don't curve that I don't swerve.

Oh Herman, how could you let Lester drag you into this?

Yeah, now thanks to swervy curvy here,

we are effectively homeless.

Well, there's only one thing left to do.

What's that?

I'm gonna hold my breath until we get the castle back.

What are we going to do?

Oh.

Who's that lawyer that's always advertising

in the back of the Transylvania Gazette?

The one that says he can win any case?

Shady Ma Go on!

I know him.

There's not an honest bone in his body.

He's untrustworthy, unethical, and immoral.

Good.

I will give him a call when we get back.

So you've looked at our case.

Right.

Okay, lightning.

Yes, I understand, shark.

Right.

Lunar eclipse.

Well, thank you.

Hey, that sounded promising.

What did they say?

We have a better chance than being struck by lightning

while being attacked by a shark during a lunar eclipse.

In other words, we have no case.

What are we going to do?

Ha, why don't you ask magna cum dum-dum over there

what we're gonna do.

He's the one who got us into this mess.

Friar Zombo.

The most handsome man in Hollywood, California.

Herman!

Herman Munster!

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

Hollywood, California.

So?

I was thinking.

Please, please, please, do us a favor.

No more thinking.

As I was saying before I was

so rudely interrupted.

If that guy's a star, imagine what'll happen

when they get a look at me.

I'm a 10.

Zombo's a seven at best.

That man on the boob tube has actual talent.

Oh Herman, you can't be serious.

I don't wanna leave our beloved home country

and move to Tinseltown.

Crumble Creature Crackers.

As head of this household, I've decided.

Take it out of the box like this.

The Munsters have out grown Transylvania!

And then you destroy it in the bowl!

Hey, what about me?

What about you?

Lily.

You're not gonna let your lame brain husband

abandon your poor, old, broken down father.

Oh, of course not.

Herman.

Okay, he can come too.

But all your junk stays here in Transylvania.

Including that freeloading Igor!

No offense.

None taken.

Oh.

This is a fresh start.

All you get is one box.

One box is all I need.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Well, Igor.

This is gonna put a little flutter in your wings.

Are you sure about this, sir?

I'm getting on a bit in age

and I could suffer from the side effects

of the transformation.

Oh come on.

What's a couple side effects?

Um, perhaps I should stay.

I noticed Lord Grimsby is canvassing for a new pool boy.

Trust me, Grimsby Manor has no pool.

Then why would he...

Look, do you wanna go to America with me or not?

Well...

Yeah.

He, he, bottoms up!

Oh, that's what Lord Grimsby said.

Ha, ha.

Mm.

It's not working.

Something homey with an old world flare.

Preferably a tomb with a view.

That would be nice.

Tell her nothing too showy.

We don't wanna be the talk of the neighborhood.

It'll be bad enough once they get a look at me.

Paparazzi will be everywhere.

Oh, I agree.

Yes, nothing too showy.

We're just your typical family looking to blend in.

Yeah, yeah.

I believe I have just what you're looking for.

It's a beautiful property

on a very quiet street.

Oh, I do love quiet.

I just can't take a noisy tomb anymore.

The market in that area is booming,

but if we move quick, we can snatch up that last unit.

If it's booming why is there still a house available?

Well, there is a situation on the street

that needs to be relocated.

But once it goes, so will the last house.

We'll be arriving tomorrow

on Air Transylvania flight 666.

Oh, Mrs. Munster, I must warn you

I'm going to be heading straight

to a Halloween party after we visit the property.

So, don't be shocked by my appearance.

Um, okay.

Well, we'll see you tomorrow.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Hm.

That was strange.

What was strange?

For some reason the poor woman

was afraid we'd be shocked by her appearance.

Women, they're always so concerned about their looks.

Not everyone can be as beautiful as you, my dear.

No, I guess not.

Good afternoon

and welcome to Air Transylvania flight 666.

We have a flying time of 22 hours and 47 minutes

to Los Angeles today.

Oh, it sure was nice of that flight attendant

to bump us up to first class.

First class, baby!

Although it was a bit strange

when all the other first class passengers moved

to the back of the plane.

Lily, my dear.

How many times must I remind you,

the average person isn't accustomed

to being around people of such fine breeding of person.

Oh, I suppose you're right.

But still, the way she was pushing and shoving everyone.

It was a bit aggressive.

Where is she?

You know what, I could go for another one.

Hey, yoo hoo!

I could go for another one of these drinky poos.

Over here.

Hi.

Can, can I help you?

I would like another one of these delightful drinks.

What do you call this?

Shirley Temple.

It's very strong.

Okay.

Oh.

- Here you go. - Thank you, dear.

You know, statistically,

flying is the safest way to travel.

Oh.

Welcome to beautiful Los Angeles.

The local time here is 12:47 and it's a balmy 79 degrees.

Thanks for flying Air Transylvania.

Oh, here comes our luggage.

Talk about service, he, he!

Um, where's Herman?

Herman!

Here he comes.

Oh.

I'll never

drink another Shirley Temple

for as long as I live.

How do I know where they are?

Maybe they got wise to the situation.

That's true, they are from Transylvania.

Oh, wait, wait a minute. I think this is them.

Okay, I gotta go.

Time for me to work my magic.

Oh dear.

Greetings from Transylvania.

That's a strange way of saying hello.

Oh, I guess we're gonna have to get used to it.

It ain't easy being beautiful.

Tell me about it. He, he!

Miss.

Miss?

- Ah. - Miss, wake up.

I assume you're the ma, Munsters?

I'm Herman.

And this is my darling better half Lily.

Hello.

Oh, and that thing over there is

my father-in-law the Count.

Pleased to meet you.

Oh yeah, uh.

Here you go.

Here you go.

- Ah! - Oh.

So nice to meet you in person.

Those costumes really threw me for a loop.

And I thought I was taking it to an extreme.

Uh, well way to get in the spirit of the day.

Thank you.

What spirit is that exactly?

Oh, you!

Okay, my car is parked right out front.

I'm just gonna grab my keys, okay.

I think when she said shocking she meant gorgeous, huh?

Bow-chica-wow-wow.

Father, please keep your fangs to yourself.

Yeah, don't blow this.

Follow me.

- Hi! - Hey!

Lily, I want a picture of you.

I don't feel good.

Oh, oh, oh!

Just in case you're wondering,

this is the party I'm all gussied up for.

The residents throw a big Halloween bash every year.

Boy we sure picked a happening area.

I'm getting a little worried we might be

too boring for this hipster neighborhood.

Speak for yourself.

I'm always the first on the dance floor at every funeral.

I bet you are.

Happy Halloween!

Oh my, what beautiful children.

Trick or treat!

Are you planning on having kids?

Well, I'm a little young for children.

I'm only 150.

Although, you know what they say?

What, what's that?

150 is the new 100.

Oh.

Oh!

You are a trip!

Ha, ha, ha!

I'm a trip?

Hollywood lingo.

Oh!

Well, what'd ya think?

Cute, right?

Oh my! Herman.

I know it.

It's perfect.

It's more than perfect.

It's breath taking.

I've always wanted to be featured

in Better Tombs and Gardens.

Uh, okay, crazy jokesters.

Follow me.

Herman, why is she walking towards

that hideous monstrosity?

I think Barbara is trying to swindle us

into buying that abomination.

She must think we're yokels straight off the garlic wagon.

Oh! Herman, deal with this.

Show her who you're made of.

Yeah, you're the man of the house.

Look, Barbara.

I must inform you that we Munsters,

we're not born yesterday.

I mean, some of my parts were, of course.

But that's besides the point.

I want this house.

And I'm not gonna pay more than...

Sold.

Please, please.

Don't argue with me.

You'll only embarrass yourself.

Let's be civilized.

Oh, whatever you say.

The house is yours.

Ha!

Now, now.

You don't want me to get tough.

What?

Wait, what'd you just say?

The house is yours.

This place has been a thorn in my butt

for the past two years.

If you wanna buy it and restore it

to its former glory, then you just go for it, honey.

And another thing, we don't want one grave moved.

We're very sociable people.

Um, okay.

No problem.

If you think it looks wonderful now,

just wait until we get finished with it.

Oo, I can't wait to start poking around

the backyard, who knows who I might find!

So, when do you wanna move in?

Right now!

Well, now what?

We've got the house of our dreams,

but we are flat broke.

I guess we all have to get jobs.

No, no, no.

I'm the man of the house.

Tomorrow I'll go out and get a job.

Doing what, exactly?

I don't know, I mean.

I'm pretty sure any business would wanna

have me around the office as eye candy.

What's that sound?

You know what that sounds like?

A witch burning.

Lily, come look!

Well, I guess we should check it out.

Yeah, okay.

Oh my.

I think now would be the perfect time

to go out and introduce ourselves to the neighbors.

That's a grand idea.

We don't want them thinking

that the Munsters are snobs.

Speak for yourself.

We come from a long line of blue bloods.

Snobbery is in our veins.

Ho, ho, ho!

Very good.

It is now time to announce the winner.

We have been secretly monitoring your attire

throughout the festivities

and have made our decisions.

And all decisions are final.

Much like the icy touch of the Grim Reaper.

That was a joke.

The winner is...

The Munster family.

Oh!

Herman, why is everyone staring at us?

I think we just won.

What did we win?

Well, it's obviously a beauty contest.

I say we grab the dough and get outta here

before they change their mind.

Gaze upon these glorious rags of horror.

Well, this is quite the welcome.

You see, my family and I just moved

to this neighborhood only one hour ago.

We are now the proud owner

of that beautiful little number 1313.

This is my beautiful wife, Lily.

She's dressed to kill.

Unfortunately she cooks the same way.

Oh honey, I think that's quite enough.

Okay, okay.

Hey everybody, thanks so much for the mullah.

And if anyone's hiring, my dopey son-in-law

is looking for a job.

Okay, thank you.

Come on.

We're number one!

Okay.

We're number one!

Oh my goodness, well I'll have to visit you, thank you.

A ghost walks into the bar

and orders a shot of vodka.

Listen, there's no blood in this.

I don't know, someone's playing a joke.

Well, he is, and you know.

The bartender says, sorry, we don't serve spirits here.

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh you're.

Oh!

Excuse me.

Uh, Lily, all right.

Why don't we go over here?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've got a million, believe me fellas.

You're gonna love this.

Oh.

Is it true you are looking for gainful employment?

Because if it is, we might have something

of interest to you.

Well, I hope it's in the entertainment business.

No, we're in the business of death.

The finest funeral parlor in all of Mockingbird Heights.

I am Mr. Gateman.

I am Mr. Good bury.

And I am Mr. Graves.

Funeral parlor.

I think I could dig that.

We need a man to move some of our larger, uh, clients

from box to box.

I've got experience in that.

We don't like to leave the stiffs lying around

for more than 48 hours or so.

They tend to ferment.

Have you fellas heard about the new glass coffins?

We have not.

Are they successful?

Remains to be seen, Mr. Gateman.

Remains to be seen.

After you, my dear.

Boy, what a fun group.

I have to admit, I haven't had that much fun

since storming the Bastille.

Well, I don't know about you two,

but I'm exhausted.

Those neighbors sure can talk your ears off.

Oh, what's wrong?

I'm just checking to see if my ears are still there.

I'd hate to lose one.

It makes my reading glasses hang funny.

Okay, I'm gonna hit the slab.

Good nightmare.

Oh! Garn, darn, darn!

Oh, Hermie.

You're so talented.

I lost you once,

but now you belong with the dead.

I want to live, even in this strange...

Hoo yah!

Herman, what are you doing?

I'm just practicing a few moves.

Thursday night is league night at the parlor.

Oh, I thought you hated bowling.

Besides, you haven't even started your new job yet.

I'm trying to get ready.

Can't let the fellas down.

I know but let's not get carried away.

Come to bed, dear.

You don't wanna be tired for your first day of work.

I really like that Mr. Gateman.

He paid me the nicest compliment.

Oh, what was it?

He said, Munster, you have a face for funerals.

How sweet.

And how true.

Still got it.

Mm!

So what do you have planned for today?

Oh, I was gonna hang around the house for a little while.

See if I could figure out a way

to turn Igor back into his old self.

Oh, I kind of like the new Igor.

He's got a lot more pep.

Yeah.

Bawk!

The time is... get to work.

Ya big dummy.

Nevermore.

Oh golly, I'm gonna be late.

Don't forget your lunch.

I made you a special surprise for your first day.

Chocolate chip cookies shaped like Mickey Mouse?

You'll find out at lunch.

Gotta boogie.

Knock 'em dead!

I'm pretty sure they already are.

It's always good to double check.

Oh!

Ho, ho!

Have fun.

Ugh.

Oh bummer.

What a crummy day.

Ah!

Ah!

Oh!

Ah!

Lily! Lily!

Come quick!

911 emergency!

Car 54 where are you?

Herman, what is the matter?

It's a freak show out there.

Everywhere ya look, it's more horrible than the next.

I think we've been invaded by outer space mutants.

What are you talking about?

All the beautiful people from last night

have been replaced by these hideous creatures.

Oh, Herman.

Don't be so dramatic.

Everybody looks different in the daylight.

Let me take a look.

No, don't.

Don't! Don't!

I can't look.

The horror.

I for one just don't understand it.

Neither do I.

What happened to all the hotties from last night?

What are we gonna do?

We can't live like this

with people that look like that.

I agree with my favorite son-in-law.

It's a disgrace.

Yeah.

Herman Munster!

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

I expect this from my father, but you?

Everyone can't be as fortunate as us.

It's what's inside a person that counts.

Well then I'm gonna need a pair

of X-ray glasses because I can't handle the outside.

He's right.

I haven't seen anything that gruesome in all of my lives.

Oh no!

It's one of those freaks!

Don't answer.

We are going to answer that door as a family

and greet whoever is there as our equal.

Okay, but.

I hope this lessens the shock.

Follow me.

Your wife is scary.

I know.

Ugh.

Lily!

Lester.

What are you doing here?

You've got a lot of nerve coming here, buster.

After what you pulled,

I ought a belt ya right in the kisser.

Herman, baby, before you go all ape on me,

I got a surprise.

I made a killing in Vegas after that castle deal.

And here's your share.

What's it say?

Come on, spit it out.

Herman!

I'm rich.

I'm rich! I'm rich! - What?

We're rich!

We're rich!

We're rich!

Oh, ho!

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