Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[SIRENS WAILING]

Greetings, Bat-fans. This is Batman.

And Robin, the Boy Wonder.

And me too, Bat-Mite.

Welcoming you to The New Adventures of Batman.

Watch us wage our never-ending battle

of good versus evil.

ROBIN: Ride with us, as we chase

the greatest array of villains

the world has ever seen,

proving that crime does not pay.

BATMAN: Get set for thrills and action.

Join me, Batman.

And me, Robin, the Boy Wonder.

And Batgirl.

And me too: Bat-Mite.

ROBIN: In the super New Adventures of--

BATMAN: Batman.

[SIREN WAILING]

[♪♪♪]

MAN: Shut up, already.

Gentlemen...

welcome to...YUC:

The Yearly Underworld Convention.

And tonight we's gonna

elect our new YUC-y president.

Our first candidate

is the famous Penguin,

here on my left.

[LAUGHS]

If I am elected, I promise to--

And on my right...

is our second candidate,

the Joker.

Uh, who ain't here yet.

[LAUGHS]

Boo.

Hiss.

Ha-ha! Sorry I'm late, fellas,

but I had to make a little withdrawal

at the bank. [LAUGHS]

I take good care of all my friends.

Remember that when you're voting.

[APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS]

Gentlemen...

it looks like my opponent, the Joker,

wants to play dirty pool,

so I'll have to play dirtier

if I want to be elected YUC's next president.

And what could be dirtier

than turning Batman and Robin

to a life of crime?

[LAUGHS]

Penguin, if you can turn

Batman and Robin into criminals,

I'll gladly let you win.

[LAUGHS]

It's a deal, Joker.

And something tells me

I'll get the last laugh.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[CAWS]

[PENGUIN LAUGHING]

We'll know soon enough, Gigi,

if my brilliant, but untested,

crime-slime

is going to work.

Gosh, you're smart, boss.

How right you are, my dear.

Now...release our two subjects.

[♪♪♪]

PENGUIN: Keep your fingers crossed, Gigi.

Right, boss.

[GROWLS]

[LAUGHS]

It's working.

The crime-slime is working.

The mouse's personality

has been completely reversed.

He doesn't have a kind bone

in his mean little body.

[LAUGHS]

Now to test my crime-slime

on real people.

Right, boss.

The Penguin.

Let's get outta here.

Penguin, youse is my kind of guy.

Yeah. Keep up the bad work, Penguin, old pal.

Hey. You want some money?

[LAUGHS]

I thought you'd never ask.

Whee.

The crime-slime works.

Now what, boss?

[LAUGHS]

Now we go after the big game:

Batman and Robin.

[♪♪♪]

BRUCE: If I get this spare it's all over, Dick.

[MOCKINGLY] If I get a spare, it's all over, Dick.

[DICK CLEARS THROAT]

Sorry.

It must have been something I ate.

[COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT]

I've got a little tickle in my throat.

Dick, bowling is a game of concentration.

And I can't concentrate with all your noise!

Sorry. No more coughs. I promise.

[BOTH SNEEZE]

BOTH: Bless you.

Now-- N-now don't get excited, Bruce.

Yeah. Don't get excited, Bruce.

[BEEPING] Uh-oh. Looks like trouble.

Let's go.

Saved by the Bat-Signal.

The Penguin is back,

and he's got something up his sleeve.

Watch this.

[LAUGHS]

I, the infamous Penguin,

perpetrator of paramount crimes,

harlequin of whodunits,

and fly in the ointment of justice,

is throwing in the towel. I...

[LAUGHS]

...quit.

Going out of business. Kaput.

I'm turning myself in.

COMMISSIONER: Wait. It gets better.

But I will turn myself over

only to Batman and Robin.

No one else.

Ten o'clock tonight, at Old Sutter's Mill.

Be there...

[LAUGHS]

...or be square.

Holy broken beaks.

He must be kidding if he thinks we're gonna fall for that.

It's an obvious trap all right, Robin...

but we have to take the bait

and see what the Penguin's up to.

Want any of my men in on this, Batman?

Not yet, commissioner.

The two of us had better handle it alone.

You mean the three of us, don't you, Batman?

No, Bat-Mite. In this case, three's a crowd.

But-- Stay here, Bat-Mite.

Let's go, Boy Wonder.

Oh. Why do the big guys have all the fun?

[♪♪♪]

There's Sutter's Mill up ahead, Batman.

Help.

Robin, put the searchlight on that tree.

Somebody help me.

Holy damsel in distress.

BATMAN: And there's the Penguin.

Take care of the girl, Robin.

I'm going after the Penguin.

Right, Batman.

I'll use the ejector.

Help me. Please.

Sit tight, lady. I'm coming.

Time to put a stop to this nonsense.

Okay, lady. We're halfway home.

Oh. You're so strong.

I just hope I'm strong enough to get you down.

Fun's over, Penguin.

A dummy.

The Penguin tricked me with a remote-control car.

But why?

Robin.

You ready, lady?

Ready, Boy Wonder.

Where's Batman when I need him most?

[CRASH]

Are you all right, Boy Wonder?

Oh. Except for a pounding headache, an aching back

and some loose teeth,

I feel fine.

[LAUGHS]

And now you're mine.

Penguin. What?

You won't get away with this, Penguin.

But...of course I will, dear boy.

Batman is off on a wild Penguin chase.

Gigi, if you would be so kind.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Robin, this is Batman. Can you hear me? Over.

Hi, Caped Crusader.

Not now, Bat-Mite. I have enough problems.

Hey. Where's the Boy Wonder?

That's one of the problems.

I'm afraid the Penguin's probably got him.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

Don't look so lonely, Wonder Boy,

you'll have company soon.

Yeah, when Batman follows

the signals from your wrist radio,

he's gonna fall right into our trap.

[GIGGLES]

You sure are smart, Boss.

How true, my dear. How true.

With my brains and your brawn,

even the great Dynamic Duo

will soon be putty in our hands.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

PENGUIN: Gigi, I think our prey is on its way.

Here comes the Batmobile.

Is the crime-slime ready?

Ready, boss.

One shot of this stuff,

and Batman and Robin'll be...

Badman and Robber.

[LAUGHS]

Ah. I can see the screaming headlines now:

"Dynamic Duo Turn Rotten.

Caped Crusaders on Most Wanted List."

[LAUGHS]

Oh, I love it. I love it.

[♪♪♪]

That's the Penguin's hideout up ahead.

I'm gonna try to catch the Penguin by surprise,

Bat-Mite, but I need your help.

You do? I mean, uh, sure, sure. Name it, Batman.

Drive the Batmobile up to the house,

then turn off the lights and sit tight.

I'll take care of the rest. You got it, Batman.

Good. Now stand by. I'm going to eject.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, boy. I should've asked Batman how to stop this thing.

[LAUGHS]

Perfect.

The Batmobile's driving straight to our front door.

Just as I knew it would.

And in a moment,

Batman himself will be...

dropping in.

[LAUGHS] [GIGGLES]

[♪♪♪]

Hey. What is this?

It's called a raid.

And you're under arrest.

Whoa, car, whoa.

M-m-maybe this'll stop it.

Oh, oh. Oh, boy. I made a Bat-boo-boo.

Let's go, Penguin.

Your bad-guy days are over.

Bat-Mite, I thought I told you

to stay with the Batmobile.

Oh, I did. Until the Batmobile gave me the Bat-boot.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

PENGUIN: You're a little fool, Bat-Mite,

just like your caped friends.

It's finally happened, Robin.

I've gone batty. No you haven't.

Somehow that crime-slime has switched their personalities.

Crime-slime?

The stuff that came out of Penguin's umbrella just now.

It was supposed to turn us into criminals.

But instead it turned Bat-Mite and Penguin into each other.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

I am not the diabolical dude

of dastardly deeds for nothing.

You know I always have a trick up my sleeve.

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHS]

Hand me the crime-slime, Gigi.

What? Oh. Sure.

Now that we have the Dynamic Duo in custody,

we shall proceed with my plan

to convert them into a couple of baddy two-shoes.

Right, boss.

[GIGGLES]

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHS]

All right, Batman and Robin.

Say goodbye to your goody-goody,

Mr. Nice Guy images,

because two puffs of my crime-slime,

and you will be even nastier than me.

[LAUGHS]

No one could be nastier than you, Penguin.

That's what you think. Hit it, Gigi.

Holy caged birds.

BAT-MITE: Hey, uh, listen, fellas, I'd like to stick around

but there's something I gotta take care of.

Huh. My health.

He's Bat-Mite, all right.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

Keep your fingers crossed, Gigi.

My future as a vile villain

is now in the hands of the crime-slime.

Now to see if they pass

the bad-taste test.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

You feel any different, fellows?

I thought we were buddies, Penguin.

What're you keeping us down in this dump for?

Yeah. We got places to go and crimes to commit.

[LAUGHS]

Well, now.

You sound like a man

after my own heart, Robin.

He's really after your wallet, Penguin,

so hang on to it.

Oh, this is perfect. Perfect.

With my brains and their brawn,

we'll turn this town on its ear.

[GIGGLES]

Batman, I need a favor.

Name it, old buddy.

Yeah. But make sure it's against the law.

After all, we might as well have some fun doing it.

[LAUGHS]

I love your attitude.

Now...here's what I want you to do...

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHS]

You're doing just fine, boys.

Hang a left at the next corner.

Roger, boss.

One left coming up.

There it is, Robin.

The Midas Meteorite.

A ten-ton chunk of solid gold

from outer space, worth more

than a billion dollars.

And it's ours for the taking. Heh-heh.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS] All right, my caped crooks,

enough chatter.

Let's get on with the job, shall we?

Relax, Penguin.

Ripping off this meteorite's going to be a piece of cake.

[♪♪♪]

Bat-gyros away.

I don't believe it.

Batman and Robin are stealing the Midas Meteorite.

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SCREECH]

Batman and Robin.

ROBIN: Compliments of the Penguin.

[PENGUIN LAUGHING]

PENGUIN: What's the matter, Joker?

Suddenly you're no longer laughing.

Something's wrong.

You sound like the Penguin,

but you sure don't look like him.

Yeah, but anybody that can pull off a caper like this

sure has my vote for president.

Mine too. You know it.

He's a genius. Bright man.

What about us? Yeah. Don't we get any credit?

[LAUGHS]

Credit for what, my caped cohorts?

For our acting.

When you trapped us in your basement,

we put these mini-masks on

to protect us from the crime-slime.

We've been in constant radio contact

with Commissioner Gordon, and you're all under arrest.

Okay, commissioner, come on in and get 'em.

[SIRENS WAILING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

Penguin, you birdbrain.

You've been tricked.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

Correction.

You've been tricked.

Bye-bye.

Holy fast escape. What do we do now, Batman?

I figured this might happen, Robin.

That's why I summoned the Batboat

by remote control.

[LAUGHS]

Well, what do you know. The Batboat.

Don't those pajama-clad clods

know who they are dealing with?

Nobody can catch me now.

BAT-MITE: I can. Gotcha.

Egad.

PENGUIN: Do you realize what you've done, you bumbling boob?

[♪♪♪]

We're out of control.

[SCREAMING]

Unless we can stop them, somebody's going to get hurt.

How about the sonic wave transmitter?

Good thinking, Robin.

[YELLING]

[LAUGHS]

Yuck. I'm all wet.

All of a sudden I feel...strange.

[♪♪♪]

BAT-MITE: All right, Penguin. I'm placing you under arrest.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

You'll have to catch me first, Bat-Mite.

Holy ticklish tackle, Batman. Look.

BATMAN: Hold on, Bat-Mite. We're coming.

Let go of me, you little twerp.

ROBIN: Attaboy, Bat-Mite. Attaboy, hang in there, baby.

Yipes.

There they go.

But thanks to Bat-Mite,

now we're close enough to stop them.

[SIRENS WAILING, TIRES SCREECH]

COMMISSIONER: Nice work, Dynamic Duo.

That wraps this case up.

BATMAN: Thanks, Commissioner. But we couldn't have done it

without Bat-Mite's help.

You tell 'em, Caped Crusaders.

Besides, I saved this valuable piece of evidence.

Bat-Mite, be careful.

BATMAN: You know, Robin,

maybe we...could have done it without his help.

[BOTH LAUGH]

COMPUTER VOICE: Bat-message.

With all those bad dudes behind bars,

the meteorite back at the planetarium,

we've had a busy night, Boy Wonder.

I'm just worried that the Penguin's crime-slime

may have changed Bat-Mite's personality permanently.

Hi, Caped Crusaders.

I'm all ready for our next crime-busting caper.

And I'm raring to go-go-go.

Still the same old Bat-Mite.

[♪♪♪]