Original subtitles

[SIRENS BLARE]

[♪♪♪]

BATMAN: Greetings, Bat-fans.

This is Batman.

And Robin, the Boy Wonder.

And me too: Bat-Mite.

Welcoming you to The New Adventures of Batman.

Watch us wage our never-ending battle

of good versus evil.

ROBIN: Ride with us as we chase

the greatest array of villains

the world has ever seen.

Proving that crime does not pay.

BATMAN: Get set for thrills and action.

Join me, Batman.

And me: Robin, the Boy Wonder.

And Batgirl.

And me too: Bat-Mite.

ROBIN: In the super New Adventures of--

BATMAN: Batman.

[♪♪♪]

[SIREN WAILING]

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHS]

Students,

The Penguin's School of Crime is now in session.

[LAUGHS]

And tonight's lesson is a highly important one:

the classic jewelry heist.

But how do we get in, Penguin?

Elementary, my dear.

[LAUGHS]

With a woodpecker lock-picker.

[SQUAWKING]

You and you will stand guard.

Make certain the coast--

[LAUGHS]

Uh, campus is clear.

Yes, sir.

The rest of you watch closely.

[LAUGHING]

Open, sesame!

ALL: Wow!

But what about the burglar alarm?

That, my sweet, is step two.

And there you have it, class.

[LAUGHS]

ALL: Yay!

Now we move on to your final exam:

the ultimate crime.

What is the ultimate crime, Penguin?

What else?

We capture Batman and Robin

once and for all.

Whoa!

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[SQUAWKS]

[PENGUIN LAUGHING]

Feast your eyes, students,

for what you see here

is destined to become

the criminal's best friend

and Batman's worst enemy.

Uh, next to me, of course.

[LAUGHS]

But it's so small.

What can it do, Penguin?

[LAUGHS]

Not only can it duplicate the Bat-signal,

but the commissioner's voice as well.

[LAUGHS]

Please observe.

[BEEPING]

A flawless forgery of the Bat-signal.

Penguin, it's perfect!

Yes, yes, yes.

Sometimes my brilliance stuns even me.

[LAUGHS]

BRUCE: Not too much off the top, Dick.

Have I ever given you a bad haircut, Bruce?

Not so far.

It's the Bat-signal.

Let's go.

Yes, commissioner.

COMMISSIONER'S VOICE: Batman, we have evidence

the Penguin's planned another big heist.

Get down to the harbor as soon as you can.

BATMAN: We're on our way, commissioner.

[LAUGHS]

They fell for it.

[♪♪♪]

Bat-Mite reporting. Ready for action.

Yipes!

H-hold it.

BATMAN: Bat-mite.

What are you doing here?

Trying not to get squished, Caped Crusader.

Holy delays, Bat-Mite. You're holding us up.

You're-- You're telling me.

Okay, guys, I'm ready.

BATMAN: Not this time, Bat-Mite.

It may be dangerous.

Wait a sec. If you think I can't handle danger,

you're all wet.

Aw, Bat-baloney.

We have to make up for lost time, Robin.

Hit the Bat-jets.

Right, Batman.

I'll show those turkeys a thing or two.

BATCOMPUTER: Going someplace, little guy?

Yipes!

Oh. Sorry, little guy.

You know I hate it when you call me that.

Forgive me.

Are you going somewhere?

Yeah. Undercover.

I'm gonna catch The Penguin before Batman and Robin do.

I'll show 'em. I'm not afraid.

Yipes!

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, go ahead. Yok it up.

But we'll see who has the last laugh, you big box of bolts.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

ROBIN: Holy chilly-willies, Batman.

This spooky place is for the birds.

Ah, that's probably why The Penguin chose this site

for his next rip-off, Robin.

And speaking of birds,

I think someone's watching us like a hawk.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

Everything is going according to my brilliant plan.

Now we'll stage a mock burglary,

and the Dynamic Dunces will trip right into our trap.

Ready, my little actors?

ALL: Ready, Penguin.

Holy bats in the belfry, Batman. Look!

BATMAN: That jungle bird is out of place around here, Robin.

That can only mean one thing.

Penguin.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

It worked.

Here they come.

Places everyone.

And make it look convincing, class.

Remember...your futures as criminals depends on this.

ROBIN: It's the foul-bird Penguin all right,

and a group of innocent kids.

I think it's time we dropped in for a visit.

Right on, Batman.

[LAUGHS]

According to my schedule,

those two birdbrains should be here any second.

Batman and Robin.

[LAUGHS]

What an unexpected surprise.

Caught you with your hand in the birdseed jar, eh, Penguin?

But we've not broken any laws, Batman.

You are batty.

Holy highway robbery.

You were ripping off goods from this warehouse.

I'd say that's against the law.

And our evidence is right in here.

PENGUIN: If that's your evidence,

I'm afraid you have an empty case.

[LAUGHS]

Holy clipped feathers, Batman.

Think you're pretty cagey, huh, Penguin?

[LAUGHS]

[TAUNTINGLY] Batman want a cracker.

[SQUAWKS]

[LAUGHS]

ROBIN: You're not going to get away with this,

you feathered fiend.

PENGUIN: Oh, but I am.

[LAUGHS] Oh, I am.

Bon voyage from The Penguin's School of Crime.

ROBIN: School of Crime?

Holy innocence.

BATMAN: So that's it.

[LAUGHS]

And so it ends, students.

Batman and Robin depart on their permanent vacation.

And we all graduate with dishonors.

[ALL LAUGHING]

STUDENT 1: Where are you sending them, Penguin?

To the South Pole.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

Where they can chase penguins all they want.

[LAUGHS]

[STUDENTS CHEER]

STUDENT 2: Far out.

Let's see: Bat-smoke, Bat-springs, Batarang.

Here we go: the Bat-torch.

[GRUNTING]

That's one...down.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

Ooh.

This is absolutely delicious.

The world's greatest crime fighters

trapped at the South Pole.

[LAUGHS]

[SHIVERING]

Well, here's another fine mess Penguin's got us into.

How will we ever get back to

warm and friendly Gotham City?

We only have one-- Oh-oh, one chance, Robin.

Th-th-the Bat-skis.

C-c-c-contact, Batman.

Go for it.

PENGUIN: Huh? They've escaped.

They've escaped.

And now they're coming back to get me.

There must be something we can do.

There is.

Yes, my pet?

Speak. Speak.

Those Bat-skis, and a lot of other things,

are operated from their utility belts.

If we steal their belts,

we take away a lot of their powers.

[LAUGHS]

Brilliant idea. Brilliant idea.

Absolutely brilliant.

Oh, I'm so glad I thought of that.

[LAUGHS]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Cops?

Don't be silly. My lair is absolutely secret.

It's probably my woodpecker.

Coming. Coming.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow.

Whoops. Sorry, Penguin.

And just who are you?

I'm Bat-Mite, and I wanna join your gang.

You what?

Yeah. I'm sick and tired of doing

all Batman's dirty work for nothing.

I wanna be a bad guy and get rich.

Hm.

[LAUGHS]

I think that can be arranged.

But first you must pass a little test.

It's a deal, Penguin.

What do I do?

You're going to help us steal

Batman and Robin's utility belts.

Ulp. Now, uh, wait a minute...

Help us or else.

Or else what?

Never mind. I'll do it.

You say the Penguin is running a school for crime?

Incredible.

It's sad, Commissioner, but true.

We'd better cancel his classes before the kids graduate.

Don't worry, I'll put every available man on the case.

Then let's discuss a plan, commissioner,

so we can put The Penguin away for good.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

Splendid.

They're here.

Excellent job, Bat-Mite.

Excellent.

[LAUGHS]

Class, within minutes,

the Dynamic Dodos' utility belts will be ours.

Yippee.

PENGUIN: Ready, students?

We're ready, Penguin.

I gotta warn Batman and Robin.

PENGUIN: Yoo-hoo. Bat-Mite.

I've got a special job for you, my little friend.

A j-j-j-j-job?

[LAUGHS]

Take these lovely flowers to Batman and Robin, won't you?

Flowers? What for?

Oh...

just for laughs.

Now hurry.

Sure, Penguin.

The last time we saw the Penguin he was right here at--

Batman. Robin. I've captured The Penguin.

He's right outside.

You captured the Penguin?

But it's true. He even sent you these.

Flowers from The Penguin, Bat-Mite?

Don't make me laugh.

Bat-Mite's inside. Hit it, Penguin.

Roger dodger.

Holy strange odors.

What's that?

Bat-Mite. Is this another...

[CHUCKLING, CLEARS THROAT]

...one of your...

[CHUCKLING]

...jokes?

[ALL LAUGHING]

Because if it is...

[LAUGHING]

...it sure isn't funny.

[LAUGHING]

No, it certainly isn't, uh, B-Bat-Mite.

[LAUGHING] It's no joke.

It's laughing gas.

The Penguin's up to something.

[LAUGHS]

Stand by, class.

How's it going, Penguin?

[LAUGHS]

We're almost there.

Oh, don't you just love it?

[ALL LAUGHING]

Oh. This is all my fault.

I've gotta get that belt back.

[LAUGHS] Jolly good work, Bat-Mite.

We have Batman's belt.

And now for the Boy Blunder's.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS]

Robin, commissioner, breathe in.

We have them.

We have them.

The Dynamic Duo are minus their greatest weapons.

Oh, boy. What've I done?

BATMAN: The Penguin.

And he's got our utility belts.

Holy Benedict Arnold.

Bat-Mite is with him.

Come on, Robin, we have work to do.

[LAUGHS]

Bat-Mite, my dear,

you are now the official teacher's pet.

Penguin, look.

It's Batman and Robin.

Yay!

I mean, uh...

Boo!

[LAUGHS]

What better time to make use of our new toy?

Robin, back.

Never mind me, Robin.

Grab The Penguin.

Okay, Batman. I'll get my hands on that foul bird.

We have a surprise for you too, Boy Wonder.

Holy smoke bomb.

I can't see a thing.

[LAUGHS]

And that's as it should be.

Come, my little thieves, we shall retire to my lair

and examine this precious merchandise.

ROBIN: Holy curb service.

There goes the Batmobile!

Now what do we do?

Since we can't outrun them,

we'll have to outsmart them.

And I know just the thing to make the Penguin eat crow.

Batman, both our belts are gone.

Boy, is that Penguin greedy.

And that's what's going to trap him.

But I don't get it.

BATMAN: It's very simple, Boy Wonder.

We'll invite the Penguin and his crime school to the Batcave.

It's an offer he can't refuse.

BATCOMPUTER: Then I take it you are planning to use Bat-Mite

in this little caper?

Exactly.

Can you contact him, Batcomputer?

With electronic ease.

Proceed, please.

Batman calling Bat-Mite.

BATMAN: Come in, Bat-Mite.

Bat--! Batman.

You're okay?

Roger. Are you alone?

If you don't count all these birdbrains, yeah.

All right. Listen carefully.

How would you like to patch up

all the problems you've caused

and put the Penguin behind bars for good.

Keep talking, Batman.

You're going to lead us to the Batcave?

That's right, Penguin.

I'm the only one who knows about it

outside of Batman and Robin.

[LAUGHS]

I hate to admit it,

but it's a brilliant plan.

With the rest of the Caped Crusader's inventions,

nothing can stop me.

[LAUGHS]

♪ Fame and fortune Here we come ♪

[LAUGHS]

How much further, Bat-Mite?

About three more drenchings.

And one soaking.

But that's what you said last time I asked.

And it wasn't any fun then either.

Oh, my gosh. Look!

Uh, hold your breath, guys.

I-I think this is it.

[SPITS]

[LAUGHS]

So this is the famous Batcave?

Yes. And we're the famous Batman--

And Robin, the Boy Wonder.

[LAUGHS]

Your fame is about to end,

my fine fatheads,

because I'm taking over here.

Duck, Robin!

Well, we sure know he's not from Texas.

Give up, Penguin.

We have you surrounded.

Surrounded?

[LAUGHS]

[MOCKINGLY] You hear that, class?

We're surrounded.

[LAUGHS]

Okay, Batcomputer, hit it.

A pleasure, Batman.

[BEEPING]

[LAUGHS]

Nice try, Batman, but you forget one thing.

Your utility belt is full of surprises.

Well, here's a surprise for you, Penguin.

[LAUGHS]

Fortunately, I have a spare.

Not anymore you don't.

Hey!

Your luck just ran out, Penguin.

[LAUGHING]

Not quite.

Sorry I can't stay and chat,

but I have places to pilfer and people to rob.

Ta-ta.

But, Penguin, what about us?

[LAUGHS]

Sorry, kiddies. But you just flunked your finals.

Holy trap door.

The Batcopter hatch is open.

He's getting away.

He won't get far.

[CRASH]

Nice catch, Batman.

Same to you.

Too bad it was a foul ball.

Tough luck, Penguin.

Looks like your new nesting place is gonna be behind bars.

You mean we're all going to jail?

But, Penguin, you said we were gonna get rich.

Well, there's nothing wrong with getting rich.

What went wrong was the way you went about it.

Yes. You learned a valuable lesson today:

Never get involved with a dirty bird.

BATCOMPUTER: Bat Message.

The Penguin really had us going today,

didn't he, Robin? I'll say.

Especially when he nearly flew the coop.

Well, now his School of Crime is out for permanent recess.

Too bad his students had to find out the hard way

that getting something for nothing

always has its price.

What do you mean?

You get my services for nothing.

You're wrong, Bat-Mite.

BATMAN & ROBIN: We pay dearly.

[♪♪♪]