Original subtitles

[music playing]

KATHY (VOICE OVER): Dear dearest Jean Jacques,

I wrist this secret letter to you

in hopes you find it and rescue me.

I live in a city lacking any [french].

I'm still under the rule of my embarrassing parents

who just don't get it.

To my dismay, they've hired a freakish college

student as our live-in nanny.

Yes, Jean, I'm 13 and still have a nanny.

To make matters worse, I'm forced

to live with a horrible creatures they call my brother.

The idea that we share the same bathroom

and eat from the same dishes is, quite

frankly, more than I can bear.

Please, Jean Jacques, I need your help.

I yearn for spring time in Paris, au revoire, Kathy.

PS, the key is under the doormat.

[music playing]

-Jean Jacques, stop, that tickles.

-Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one--

[screaming]

-Bingo!

-Dad!

Dad!

Dad!

[yelling]

-Get it off!

Get it off!

Kill it!

Kill it!

[yelling]

-Get it off!

Come on Dad!

Kill it!

-OK!

OK!

-Richard!

Get it!

[screaming]

-Did you get it!

-I got it!

Oh!

[screaming]

-What does a guy have to do around here

to get some peace and quiet?

[knocking]

KATHY: Go away.

-I think these Eiffel legs are yours.

-That's not funny.

I hate him.

-Oh, come on.

You don't mean that.

-Yes, I do.

-You might hate him right now.

But it'll pass.

-Nope, no, I still hate him.

-Hey, you have to remember who's older here.

George annoys you because he loves you.

-Haven't I had enough trauma for one morning?

-Honey, he just wants your attention.

-Yeah, well I don't want his.

I don't care if I never seen him again.

-Do you remember when your mother and I

brought George home from the hospital?

-I try to forget painfully traumatic moments.

-You made Nana pull the dining room chair on to the front lawn

at daybreak just so you wouldn't miss us

around the corner on our way home.

We didn't pull up until four o'clock.

You sat on that chair the whole day.

But you should have seen the look of pure joy on your face

when you saw your baby brother.

It was almost as wonderful to see your reaction as it was

to see George for the first time.

Remember?

-It was like a million years ago.

-It was like eight years.

-Yeah, but he's--

-And I need you to remember how much

he's changed since he was a baby.

And he's going to continue to change.

And so will you.

But you're always going to be his big sister.

He's always going to look up to you.

He's always going to need you to be there, even when he's 42.

I'm counting on you.

Do you think you can sleep?

-Do you think you could keep the vermin out of my room?

-I love you.

-Dad?

-Yes.

-Maybe you and Mom brought home the wrong baby from hospital.

And I would agree to help pay for the DNA

testing to prove it.

I would.

-Well, I'm glad I got through to you.

-I've got the umbrella honey, what's next?

-Sun block and vitamins.

MOM: Oh, OK. Where's the sun block?

Found it.

Here's the vitamins, too.

What's next?

-Masking-- masking tape?

What in the world do we need masking tape on the trip for?

-Has anyone seen the masking tape?

-Nope.

-It's on the counter right by George, Mrs. Caldwell.

-Thank you.

-Hey, George, did you know they make travel Band-Aids.

They even come in their own little suitcase.

-Matilda, you don't have to do that.

No, I like to help.

-How you do it, I don't know, studying all night,

taking care of the kids, taking care of the house,

it's amazing.

-You pay her.

That's why she does it.

-Good morning , Sweet Pea.

-Good morning.

-Hello, Kathy, isn't it a beautiful morning?

-Does it look like I've been outside yet?

-Sleep well?

-Dad?

Mom, did you hear what he said to me?

-George, step annoying your sister, please.

-After this morning, you're dancing

on very thin ice, very thin.

-Matilda, can you make sure the children

have something resembling a green vegetable

and some protein now and then.

-No, it's OK.

We'll just starve while you're in France trotting

with a gorgeous plow boy whipping the horses.

-I didn't see anything in the brochure

about gorgeous plow boys.

-You know, this is not a family-style vacation.

Your father and I haven't had a romantic getaway since, what?

Before you were born.

And we need a little adult stimulation.

-Are you trying to make me vomit?

-Look, I promise next time we'll take you with us.

-Where?

To SeaWorld?

I can't take another whale.

-So where are you guys doing?

-Who invited you in?

-Hello, Freud, remember, we're going to France

and touring the majestic wine country on bicycle

and saying in romantic chateaus and seeing places

most tourists never get the chance to see.

-Scorpion death drop!

-Ah!

-Male bonding, Mrs. Caldwell!

-Well, I'm headed to the library.

So I will see you later.

-Bye.

-Thanks,

-Bye.

-Ah!

-All right, everyone, while we're away,

Matilda is in charge, even you, Freud.

Right, Kathy?

-Mom!

I can't take her!

She's like a mutation between Mother Teresa and Mary Poppins.

[phone ringing]

-I got it!

I got it!

-Hello?

KIMBERLY: Hi, is Kathy there?

-Yeah, may I ask who's calling?

KIMBERLY: Tell her it's Kimberly Woodry.

-It's Kimberly Woodry, would you like to take it?

-Yes!

-OK!

OK!

-Hello?

KIMBERLY: Hi, Kathy, it's Kimberly.

-Hi.

KIMBERLY: Hey, I'm having a party next Saturday night.

-A party?

KIMBERLY: For my best friends.

-Yeah, yeah, no, I'd love to come, yeah.

KIMBERLY: Oh, you're not invited.

I just wanted to make sure you leave us a few gallons of ice

cream next time you go grazing at the market.

-Oh, sure.

KIMBERLY: See ya!

-Bye.

-A party?

See, you're going to have a great time while we're gone.

Isn't she boys?

Yeah, see?

CD VOICE: Lesson three, travel.

Do you have a roadmap?

-[french].

-Hey.

-Get it off me!

-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Kathy, I didn't mean to scare you.

-Don't you knock?

-I'm sorry.

-Yes?

-Kathy, your Mom and Dad went to go find traveler's checks.

And I have to go run to Kinko's, and make all these copies.

So I was wondering if you could please,

please watch George and Freud for me?

I would really appreciate it.

-Fine.

-Great, thanks.

CD VOICE: How do I get to Paris from here?

-[french].

-Jean Jacques, life here in the States is miserable.

No one understands me.

I'm forced to live with a life-sized Barbie.

And I have to deal with this fat cow-- not cow, pig--

that my mother named George.

[music playing]

-Coast is clear.

-Maybe I should go home to my own dysfunctional family.

-Get over here you DPW.

Let's do it.

-OK.

[laughter]

-Oh, no, no, Jean, you don't mean moi?

You do?

[french]

Oh, Jean Jacques, but you are married.

-Come on, George!

More candy!

Let's go!

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

-Behold the frozen thing!

[shriek]

-What happened here?

-Don't look at me.

-George?

Freud?

-You guys are in deep trouble.

-So you have fun at Kinko's?

-Ah, no, that is not going to work, George.

Freud, I think it's time you go home.

-I was just catching up on the energy of the moment.

And, well, we all have our animal instincts.

And, you know, George just kind of pulled me down to my id.

-How old are you?

You're a little freak of nature, aren't you?

-Thanks, Freud.

-Good bye, Freud.

-Sorry.

-George, I want you to pick up everything

from this kitchen floor.

And TGIF is canceled tonight, OK?

Now, I'm going to go back to my room.

I'm going to change and put my books away.

And I will be right back.

-Matilda, I really didn't mean for this to happen.

It's just all of a sudden, the kitchen was--

-Sure, George, fine, we just have to fix it now.

-Wait a minute.

That's all you're going to do?

Aren't you going to yell at him!

Matilda!

This is a disaster!

Look at what the little pig did!

Come on!

She is so weird.

-She is not!

-Yes, she is!

That pleasant smile like nothing is ever wrong.

And that hair, uh, whatever.

Don't look so ecstatic, you little geek.

You're still in deep shit.

-Oo, I'm so scared!

I'm gonna cry!

-Give it up.

You know what?

I want concrete evidence, just in case by some miracle

this is all cleaned up by the time Mom and Dad get home.

-OK, go ahead, what do you think's going to really happen?

-Oh, just you wait and see what happens.

-Please!

I can only hold a smile for so long.

-Shut up.

Say cheese you little rat.

-Cheese!

-Mom, look at what he did!

-Honey, those are really neat pictures.

-Dad!

A crime's been committed, and the guilty has gone free!

-OK!

George, no Nintendo for 24 hours.

Uh, no gum from three days!

-Dad!

-Don't put your shoes on the couch!

-Come on!

Come on! we got to get going!

-This is so unfair!

One of the biggest disasters of all time, and he's

going to go unpunished!

-Goodbye, my little pumpkin.

I love you!

-Behave yourself, Georgey.

We love you.

-Unbelievable!

-Goodbye, sweetheart.

Take care of your brother.

I love you.

-We're counting on you.

MATILDA: We're going to miss the flight!

Let's go!

-OK!

Later Freud.

-We'll call you from France!

Good luck!

-We love you!

Au revoire!

Listen to your sister, George.

-Listen to your sister, George.

You hear that George?

George?

[laughter]

-Au revoire.

-Matilda, can you tell George to please shut up so that I can

look for what Leos look for in a woman?

-So you guys still aren't speaking, are you?

You know, this makes it day nine.

When your parents called last night,

they said to make sure you guys are getting along.

I mean, I just don't know how long this verbal fast can last.

-Until Mom and Dad get home.

-Oh, so I can look forward to your colorful repertoire

in four days, then?

-If at all.

-Santa Guadalupe!

Oh!

George, is this yours?

-Oh my God!

-Ew!

Gross!

-My frozen thing!

You found my frozen thing!

Thank you, thank you, Matilda!

Freud is going to freak!

I've been worried for so long about my frozen thing.

-You idiot!

Where else would your frozen thing be but in the freezer?

That's why it's called a frozen thing.

Is it a boiled thing?

No.

Is it a microwaved thing?

No.

Is it a baked thing?

No.

It's a frozen thing, F-R-O-Z-E-N,

frozen, frozen, frozen.

-I'm going to go call Freud.

-You go do that.

And don't let your sister get to you.

-OK.

-Now, I'm going to go outside.

And I'm going to be gardening.

So if anybody needs me, that's where I'll be.

OK?

-OK.

-OK?

OK.

-Matilda?

-Yeah.

-Um, thank you for finding my frozen thing.

I kind of forgot where I put it.

-You're welcome, George.

Don't mention it.

-Hi, Freud.

Get over here ASAP!

-That's going to make you sick, you know?

Ah, why don't you just go in?

It's the only room you haven't demolished.

-Mom says it's Matilda's private space.

-Like that's stopped you before!

Come on.

Go in!

I bet she's got a lot of neat stuff for you to destroy.

I know you're just dying to go in there.

Go on.

Go in.

Do it.

-It's not my room.

-Go on.

Go in!

Mess it up!

Jump on the bed!

Spit on the pillow!

Victory!

[zapping]

[explosion]

[snorting]

[gasp]

-George, what did you burn now?

-Matilda!

Where did that come from?

-Whoa!

Where'd you get the pig?

-Matilda, if this goes to the bathroom,

I am not cleaning it up.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Say, I think he likes me.

-George!

George!

-George?

[gasp]

-George!

You're gonna miss the pig!

I'll go find him.

George!

George!

-That was weird.

[gasping]

-George?

George?

Where are you?

George!

[panting]

-George?

George?

You under here?

What a pig!

Hey, the pig followed me.

Hey pig.

-Listen to me.

I'm telling you, I'm dead serious.

The pig is George.

George is the pig.

[grunting]

-Oink!

Oink!

-Give it up.

-You're in the Nile!

-It's denial.

And no, I'm not.

-I'm telling you the truth.

I swear to God!

Kathy, look, I know it's not easy

for you to understand this.

But please try and see that is George.

[grunt]

-I have an idea.

Have an idea.

George, if this is you, please show

me where I keep the lunch bags.

[grunting]

-See?

-Smooth move.

-How long did you practice to get that stupid side of bacon

to do it?

-I got it!

-Kathy, tell George to go get anything from his room.

And he'll bring it back.

And then you'll know it's George.

-This is so stupid.

I can't--

-Just do it!

-George, go get your favorite thing.

[squealing]

-See!

-George?

What's going on?

-I believe she's starting to accept

the reality of the situation.

-I'm waiting.

-OK, you see, almost forever, the women in my family

have been the keepers of the animal spirits.

See, each and every one of us has this little part

inside of us like a parallel soul.

Most of us can't even see or feel, but it's there.

And sometimes we go all our lives

without ever knowing our animal half.

And well, George is-- George just happens to be a pig.

-So if this is George's animal spirit,

what the hell happened to George's body?

-He, um, he's sitting right next to you.

-Shut up!

-OK, well, see what I think happened is somehow George

was transformed or replaced into the physical spirit of the pig.

-You think?

Don't you know?

What the hell happened?

-Remember that frozen thing?

Somehow the frozen thing affected, it altered,

it changed, it did something to the animal

stones of my grandmother.

So this changed George, changed his physical being.

It incarnated it into the spirit of the pig!

-Excuse me, but how do dolls and stones

turn my brother into a slobbering sow?

-Listen to her.

-This this some crazy lie?

-No!

No!

It's no lie!

-And that's my brother, the pig.

-George!

That's George!

-What did the women in your family

do the last time this happened?

-Uh, Kathy, it actually hasn't happened in a while.

-A while?

-A while.

-10 years?

20 years?

30?

40?

50 years?

-Uh oh.

-80?

100 years!

-Are we talking Tyrannosaurus Rex?

-Shut up!

When?

-Roughly 500 to 600 years ago when

my ancestors lived in a town called Tecoco.

-Wow, we are talking Tyrannosaurus Rex.

-So when this incident happened, how

did they change the person back into a human?

-I don't know!

I wasn't there!

-Who knows?

-My grandmother Berta knows!

-Where does she live?

-She live far, far, far, far away.

-Far away?

What is that, a new country?

Where?

-Outside Mexico City, where I grew up.

-Call her!

-I can't.

She doesn't have a phone.

-Who doesn't have a phone?

-Berta.

-Can she change George back into the animal

he was before whatever happened happened so I won't be grounded

by my parents for the rest of my natural life?

-I guess so.

-You guess so?

-I know so.

I know so.

I know so.

-Pack up!

We're going to Mexico.

-Let's go!

-Out of the car.

-Oh, come on, Freud.

I'm so sorry, but you can't come with us, OK?

[grunting]

-Yeah, you see, you need me.

I'm going to be George's translator.

-Out!

-What were your parents say?

They would be worried sick for you.

-No problem, we agreed that I needed

a little child parent separation.

They said as soon as my Independence became too much,

I could go right home.

-You're joking, right?

-You've met his parents.

-OK.

-Hey, Kathy, think you're going to get in trouble?

-I'm not going to get into trouble

because we're going to die first.

I turned my brother into a pork chop.

I've kidnapped my neighbor's child, stolen my mother's car.

And now I'm driving to Mexico to see if my nanny's

Aztec grandmother might be able to turn my brother back

into the monster he once was.

Am I going to get into trouble?

Am I going to get into trouble?

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

-No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

-What's going on?

-Can somebody please answer that, pleast?

-Who could it be?

The only people who call Mom's car are in Mom's car.

-Except your Mom and Dad.

-Freud!

-It keeps on ringing.

There's nobody there.

-Just let it ring.

[phone ringing]

-Don't look at me!

I'm not picking it up.

-Hello?

Oh, Mr. Caldwell!

Hi!

Yep, everyone is right here, right here.

-How's everyone doing?

What are you all up to?

-Well, actually, we're-- I'm taking the kids to--

-SeaWorld!

-Disneyland!

-To SeaWorld for a treat.

-Wow, that sounds like fun.

Can I talk to one of the kids?

She's taking them to SeaWorld.

-Kathy hates whales!

Ow!

MR. CALDWELL: Can I speak to one of the kids.

-OK.

-I'm not talking-- Dad?

Hi, yeah, I'm fine.

Everything's fine.

Everyone's fine.

George and Freud are fine.

How's France?

-Well, we biked 44 kilograms today.

And we're seeing places most tourists

never get the chance to see.

You'd be proud of your mother, though.

She's-- she's a real trooper, even with a broken toe.

Look, we're going to be in Paris in a few days.

And then we'll be home.

I don't if we'll get a chance to call again, though.

-Ask if George is behaving, too.

-Your mother wants to know if George is on his good behavior.

-Dad, you know, George has just been fantastic the whole time.

[grunting]

-Not a word out of him the whole trip.

[grunting]

-Can I say hello to him?

-Uh, uh, you know what, Dad?

You're breaking up.

And I can't hear you!

-What?

Oh-- well, OK, look, honey have a great time.

We love you!

Let me say goodbye to George.

-Oops! There it goes!

Bye!

-Wha-- oh.

Their battery went dead.

-Shoot, I wanted to say hello.

-Zip, zip!

Only 12 more kilometers and we reach the hostel.

-Zip, zip!

-Zip, zip!.

-Hostel, doesn't quite have the same ring as chateau, does it?

Hostel!

Chateau, chateau.

Hostel!

No!

-I can't feel my big toe.

-How far is 12 kilos anyway?

12 miles?

112 miles?

8,000 miles?

[music playing]

-Aye dos mio!

-Freud!

Freud, hide George now?

-How?

He's big.

-Uh, just use this.

Use this!

Use this!

-Good, get down.

Come on.

George, let's go.

-Buenos dias, senor.

[speaking spanish]

-Well, I'm taking these children to see

their parents in Rosalito.

-They trust you with their children and their car?

-Of course they do.

Why wouldn't they?

-Hi, nice to meet you.

I love tacos.

-Yeah.

-Who's that?

-Her sister!

-His brother!

-My sister!

-My twin!

-You I senor, they come from a very, very big huge family.

[speaking spanish]

-What's wrong with him?

-With him?

Oh, no, oh, he's sleeping.

-He was very excited about the anticipation

of overseas travel.

I mean, it's quite common.

-And, you see, my father was promoted to LAPD Police Captain

last night at this huge ceremony.

-Huge!

-The mayor was there.

-I though you said their parents were in Rosalito?

-You know, senor--

[honking]

[yelling]

-Listen to me.

We're in my country.

I know this language.

Please zip your lip and let me do the talking, please, Kathy.

-Welcome to Mexico.

-Andele!

-Pronto!

-Gracias!

-Pronto!

-Adios!

[music playing]

[grunting]

-George wants to know when we're going to be there.

-Not too long.

-I think you can turn the radio off.

We've been listening to this song for the past 200 miles.

-I have an idea.

-Oh no.

-Let us sing.

Come on!

I need to wake up.

-Someone save me.

First she's a nanny, then a straight A student.

Now she's Gloria Estefan.

[grunting]

-Great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,

mutilated monkey meat, little dirty birdie feet.

-Freud, I'm going to kill you.

-Rolling in a bowl of snot!

That's what I had for lunch.

-I'm going to kill you!

-Then what else are we going to sing?

-Anything but that, and Kumbaya.

-Oh!

I love that song!

[grunting]

-What?

All right, at George's request, I will start.

(SINGING) Old McDonald had a farm, e-i-e-o.

And on that farm he had a pig, e-i-e-o.

With a-- [grunting]

-Here.

And a--

[grunting]

-There.

Here a, there a, everywhere a--

[grunting]

-Old McDonald had a farm, e-i-e-o!

-And on that farm he had a cow, e-i-e-o.

[music playing]

-Well, we made it.

We're in Agua Caliente.

-You're telling me.

What's wrong?

-It's just hard to go home sometimes.

-That's OK.

You've got a right to feel that way.

[music playing]

-Hi!

MR. CALDWELL: Welcome the new love of our lives,

the apple of our eye, your new baby brother.

-You want to hold him, sweetheart?

Go ahead.

You can't break him.

-You're going to be the best sister in the whole wide world.

Heck, you're going to be the best

sister in the whole wide universe.

[laughter]

-I'm counting on you.

-What have you done!

-It's not my fault!

[grunting]

[groaning]

-Kathy, wake up?

-Ah!

No!

-You're OK.

It's just a dream.

-Where's George?

-This is my grandmother Berta.

-Ah!

[speaking spanish]

-OK, all right, OK, get up.

Get up.

We're sleeping on our asses.

And they're deciding our future in Spanish, OK.

We're going to turn George back into a boy now.

[speaking spanish]

-Wow.

-Buenos dias.

-Where did that come from?

-Sesame Street.

-Did Elmo teach you how to say, let's

turn George back into a boy?

-Kathy, Berta and I are working on it.

We just have to give her a little time, OK?

[farting]

-George!

-Ay!

-You've got to be kidding me.

There is no way.

-Come on!

It'll be fun!

I used to love this when I was little!

-What's wrong?

Too hot?

-No!

It's refreshing!

-You can go first.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings,

but you do smell like a pig.

-Good!

You're next!

[grunting]

-George!

Get out of here!

-George!

-Don't worry, I think pigs can only see in black and white.

[grunting]

-OK, I don't waste any more time.

Let's get my brother changed back into a boy.

Hello?

Earth to Matilda!

When is your grandma going to fix my brother?

[speaking spanish]

-What?

She can do it, can't she?

-Of course she can.

Tomorrow night when the moon is full,

she will probably be able to.

-Tomorrow night?

Probably?

Matilda!

You told us she could fix my brother!

-She has gather everything before tomorrow night, Kathy.

She has to gather all the ingredients for the Panajo.

-The what?

-The Panajo.

It's kind of like a magic soup that

will help transform George back into a boy.

-Oh my God!

Our frozen thing must have been just like the pinkako!

-Panajo, Freud.

-Panajo.

-And tomorrow night, we'll take George to La Montana Coyote.

So when the full moon fills the whole in the mountain,

that is when the coyote speaks.

-Magic soup?

Coyote Mountain?

-Coyote.

-Matilda!

You told us she could make George George again!

And if you haven't noticed, he's still

a ham waiting to be baked.

You are a liar!

[grunting]

-Back off, flat nose.

I am not in the mood.

You know what?

I'm not going to take the blame for this one!

I don't need a Polaroid this time!

I have a pig!

So get out your broom and your dust pan, Cinderella,

because this is one mess I'm not going to clean up.

Oh, and by the way, your food sucks!

-Uh oh.

-Sucks?

-Excuse me!

Don't you ever talk like that to me or my grandmother that way

again.

Kathy, nothing like this has ever happened to me before.

And I didn't want to lie to you and tell you

something could happen with it might not.

Look at yourself.

You care more about yourself getting into trouble than you

do about your own little brother.

[grunting]

-And by the way, never call me a liar

because I have way too much dignity to take that

from a self-centered little snot like yourself.

-Yes!

[grunting]

-I hate you.

You are going to be in so much trouble.

My parents are going to sue you for everything

that you've done.

OK?

Yeah.

-OK, Freud, as soon as we're done here,

we'll go pick up Kathy, OK?

-Do we have to?

-Come on.

I know, OK?

But underneath that hard shell of hers

is a very, very nice girl.

I promise.

[music playing]

[speaking spanish]

-Are you somebody's brother?

Excuse me?

Do you know where a bathroom is?

-Mhm.

-No, no, I want a bathroom.

-Mhm.

-I don't suppose you know where a bathroom is?

Predictable.

-Don't worry, Matilda.

This was good for Kathy.

She needed some time alone to vent her steam.

Plus she was being a real DPW.

[grunting]

-George agrees.

-You know, Freud, now that Kath isn't here, what is a DPW?

-You don't want to know.

-Yes I do.

-Should I tell her?

[grunting]

-Come on.

Let's tell her.

-OK, you know, maybe I don't want to know.

-I'm telling her once.

I know this childish and some what revolting.

-That's OK.

-But DPW stands for-- for dehydrated poop worm.

-Dehydrated poop worm?

Ay!

That's disgusting.

-Told you.

[grunting]

[laughter]

-OK, what's so funny?

-Uh, well, nothing my sister just

thinks you look like that girl on "Friends."

-You watch "Friends" and you speak English?

-Sure, we have a dish.

-You name it, we get it, MTV, CNN, HBO, Showtime, Disney,

TNT, E!, VH1, A&E, Discovery Channel, TNN, ABC,

and the Playboy channel if the weather is just right.

-You definitely speak my language.

Do you know where a bathroom is?

-You can use ours.

I live two doors down.

I'm Mercedes and this is my sister Annie.

-Hi.

-Hi, you have no idea how badly I have to pee.

-Come on, then.

-You really think I look like girl on "Friends"?

Which one?

-Rachel.

-Oh, I think I just wet my pants!

[giggling]

[grunting]

-Wow!

I've never seen this town so crowded before.

-This is crowded?

-All right, let's just get the ingredients

and let's get out of here, all right?

-All right.

-Si, adios.

Buenos dias.

[laughter]

-I think they know each other.

[speaking spanish]

-Hola!

Is this Hallmark Moment available in English?

-Oh, Freud, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Freud, George, this is my brother, my big brother Louis.

-Do you need to sit down?

-No.

-So what's with the pig?

-Well, that's where this gets a little complicated, Louis.

-Tell me again.

-You look like Rachel on "Friends."

TV: Once again, the hottest fashion statement

this season is the aqua blue underwater Swatch.

-Oh my God!

You're wearing that watch!

-Yeah, I got it at a mall like two years ago.

-You are so cool.

You knew about it before anyone.

-I guess so.

-What's your favorite color?

-Do you like dresses or pants?

-Do you know anything about makeup?

-Red, pants, let me tell you a thing or two about makeup.

-That's incredible!

You have it, Abuela, Mama, and you!

-Oh no I don't!

This was Freud's frozen thing.

It was just a fluke.

And they were Mama's crystals!

-Um, I hate to break up this very productive session.

But it's kind of getting late.

-Oh my God!

Kathy!

-Oh, his sister.

-Is she a pig?

-More like a manatee.

[grunting]

-Hey, can you go look for Kathy?

-Oh, forget it.

-Oh, come on.

This place is tiny.

It's smaller than our neighborhood at home.

Thus, this is a really good time for us to express our maturity,

and wet our feet in the real world.

-"Sesame Street"?

-"All My Children."

-They'll be fine.

-Ay, OK, but listen to me.

Only look for Kathy around this plaza.

You got it?

-All right.

-Understand?

George?

-They'll be fine.

This isn't LA.

-Freud?

If you find her, you meet me back here, OK?

-All right.

-And listen.

Listen to me.

Everything's going to be OK, all right?

It's going to be fine.

-OK.

-And I love you, OK?

Both you guys?

And tell her I'm sorry.

-OK, all right, just relax.

Everything's going to be fine.

Just release.

-OK.

-Now, on the runway, you can never use enough blush.

Look up.

It's all about finding your look and working it.

-I totally agree.

I tried to tell my Mom that, but she still picks out my clothes.

-Not. that Is a huge problem, huh girls?

-Kathy!

Kathy!

[grunting]

-Kathy?

Hey, George, I think I see her.

Kathy!

Finally!

-Excuse me?

Hey, you're not on our bus.

-Oh, sorry, I thought you were his sister.

-Gee, thanks.

-Oh, no, I mean, I though you were my sister's friend.

The pig is just my pet.

-Strange pet.

-What are you doing here?

-My parents brought me here for my high school graduation trip.

But really it's their trip.

-Honey!

Look at that darling pig!

Get a picture!

He's so cute!

-Hola, can we take a picture?

-He speaks English.

-No way!

[grunting]

-Ah, well, it'll set you back two bucks.

-Get him down to a buck!

These people bargain.

-Mom!

-Well, for two bucks, he'll add two numbers of choice.

-Deal!

Say sausage!

[grunting]

-OK, what's one plus one?

-Oh, come on.

A kindergartner can do that.

Give him a harder one.

-OK, what's one times two?

[grunting]

-Wow are you sure he's not radio controlled?

-Give him an extra buck!

-That's pretty good, kid.

Hey, you guys, you got to see this!

-What's her name?

-Kathy.

[music playing]

[grunting]

-Thanks.

-That a boy!

[grunting]

-Yeah!

-No mas!

-Thanks!

You were the best of my whole trip.

-No mas, no mas.

[grunting]

-Shut up!

I don't have a girlfriend!

-Sea urchin, sea urchin, here we go!

-I wonder where those kids are.

[grunting]

-Freud!

[grunting]

-George!

Wait up!

George!

Come on!

George?

-Ah!

Oh, man.

[grunting]

-George!

George?

[screaming]

-Oh no!

-What is it?

-They're taking Mom's joy!

-What's Mom's joy?

-Dee-dee's car!

-Who's Dee-dee?

-Wait!

Wait!

Come back here!

-Do you want me to go after it?

-No!

No, you have to finish that list.

I'm going to go get the car, and I'll be back.

-But--

-No!

Please keep an eye out for the kids!

I'll be right back!

-Matilda!

All right, Freud, calm down.

Think it through.

Just like Dad says, think it through.

Make a minority list.

What are my minorities?

One, find George.

Two, find Kathy.

Three, get back to Berta's.

Great.

Oh!

[animal sounds]

-George?

George!

Where are you?

George?

[animal sounds]

-Ah!

George!

George?

Are you in here?

George!

George?

Are you in there?

[grunting]

[speaking spanish]

-George, if you're in there, be quiet, and stay safe.

Things got a little screwed up out here.

And I ended up alone.

But don't worry, I'm not really that frightened.

So be brave.

And I'll be back.

-Find Kathy.

All right.

[speaking spanish]

[shriek]

[speaking spanish]

-And what's really cool about Paris,

you guys, is that all the men understand women.

Like, when you give them this look,

you know, like, they get that.

It's incredible.

And, like, all the people there are artists, and chefs,

and they speak the language of love.

-Kathy, have you ever been there?

-Well, not physically, but I do plan to go to college there.

You know, in Paris, city of lights.

-I wish we could go with you.

-Yeah, I know, met too.

Who's this hottie?

-That's our big brother Mario.

-Oh yeah, does he live here?

-He died two years ago.

Something was wrong with his heart.

-He's an angel now.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

-Do you have any sisters or brothers?

-Yeah, one.

His name's George.

-What's wrong?

-Do you know where Berta lives?

-Sure, but how do you know Berta?

-I didn't tell you everything, OK?

I'll tell you on the way.

Come on.

[humming]

[screaming]

-What are you doing here?

-What am I doing here?

Your brother is locked up ready to be eaten

and you ask what I'm doing here?

-What are you talking about?

-OK, Kathy, I'm a very desperate man at this point.

George is locked up by some monster

who has him on tomorrow's menu.

And you're walking around the streets looking like Ru Paul!

OK, Kathy, this is what my parents

call a crisis situation.

-Where is he?

-I got a photo.

-OK, OK, let's not waste any more time.

Let's save George.

-You know what?

We could back to my place and come up with a plan

to save your pig-- I mean, your brother-- tomorrow.

-Maybe she's right.

I mean, the animals were pretty noisy.

-You guys, we can't leave him here!

So we're going to stay here.

We have to get him back to Berta's before tomorrow night?

-Man, major time.

[sneeze]

[gasping]

[speaking spanish]

-Annie, once you get up on the roof,

Mercedes and I will enter the store.

Got it?

OK, Freud, you run and find George.

The three of us are going to follow closely behind.

Are there any questions?

Question?

OK, good, let's get to it.

[music playing]

[grunting]

[sneeze]

-Pardon?

Pardon?

[speaking spanish]

-Hi, I'm the guest.

[speaking spanish]

-Ow!

My leg!

I broke my leg!

-Ay!

-My leg!

[speaking spanish]

[yelling]

-Don't touch it!

[speaking spanish]

-George!

There you are.

We've got to get you out of there.

-Freud?

FREUD: Kathy?

-You got him?

FREUD: Yeah.

-Ay!

-It's a miracle!

I can walk!

[speaking spanish]

-Ah!

[screaming]

[music playing]

-How come I always end up in these stupid make

or bake situations?

[grunting]

-Come on, Freud, reason.

Let's just try to think it through.

-Oh, I know.

I'm trying, George.

There's got to be some logical way to get out of here.

I'm just having a really hard time identifying it.

I just wish I were bigger.

[mooing]

[screaming]

-You go this way!

I'll go that way!

Why is it always me?

[mooing]

-Come on.

You can do it!

[mooing]

-Tell him to charge as hard as he can.

[grunting]

-Tell him his life depends on it!

[grunting]

-Then tell him if we don't get out of here in a matter

of seconds, he'll be stuffed in a tortilla by sunset!

[mooing]

-Kick ass!

[shrieking]

-Where's Kathy?

-I lost her when we split up.

-What?

George?

Where did George go?

[grunting]

[sneeze]

[groan]

-Yes!

George!

We got to get out of here!

Jump!

[grunting]

-Oh!

George, what have you been eating?

Come on.

Let's go.

Oh my God!

-George!

Don't do that again!

[speaking spanish]

[shrieking]

-Kathy!

-Run!

Run!

-Get in the car!

[speaking spanish]

[shrieking]

[yelling]

[sneeze]

-Kathy, can you please help me with the ingredients?

-Uh, yeah, sure just a second.

-Just talk to her.

-I will!

OK, wait, wait.

-What is it?

-I-- -What?

What is it?

-I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for screwing things up,

and for disrespecting your family.

The day that it happened, I pushed George into your room

so he could trash it.

I know I haven't been the nicest person.

And I just wanted you to know that you sometimes annoy me.

And sometimes, well, most of the time,

I say pretty awful things about you.

And even though you can be annoying, I kind of like you.

I don't know what I'm going to do if we can't change him back.

I'm sorry.

-Yeah, well, I'm really sorry too.

You know what?

Why don't we start all over again from the beginning?

-OK.

-OK.

Hi, I'm Matilda.

-Hi, I'm Kathy.

-How are you?

So nice to meet you, Kathy.

-Nice to meet you.

FREUD: Come on you guys.

Your time's up!

-We'll be right out!

Come on.

Let's go do it.

Let's go change George back into a boy.

Come on.

Help me.

-OK.

Let's do it.

-Let's do it.

-Hey, there's no way you could bring him back like 17, 18?

-Kathy.

-Just asking.

[speaking spanish]

-That did not sound very positive.

-Well, she just said that the sky must be clear for this

to work.

Kathy, help me with the panajo, please.

[speaking spanish]

-Come on, George.

[music playing]

[howling]

-I can't-- I can't go anymore.

-Just look at her go.

I mean, Berta's animal spirit must

have been like a mountain goat.

My grandmother can hardly get off the toilet by herself,

let alone scale a mountain in the dark.

-Thank you.

Too much info.

[music playing]

-Awesome.

[speaking spanish]

-She says that the moon has to fill

the eye before this can actually work.

-Here that George?

[speaking spanish]

[howling]

[thunder]

-I saw-- I saw something on top of that rock.

-Oh yeah?

What?

-I don't know, something.

-Well, was it a coyote something or a something something?

-I'm not sure.

I think it was a something something.

-Well, what kind of a something something?

-I think it might have been a coyote something.

But I'm not so sure.

I think it was a something something--

-Shut up!

You're driving us all crazy.

-Uh, George, I got these for you so you wouldn't

be embarrassed when you changed back.

[thunder]

[music playing]

-Is that supposed to happen?

-i hope so.

[thunder]

[music playing]

-OK.

OK.

[speaking spanish]

[music playing]

[grunting]

[speaking spanish]

[shrieking]

-Get off of him!

Get off my brother!

Get off!

[yelling]

[buzzing]

[music playing]

[squawking]

-George?

-George?

-George?

-George!

-George!

[speaking spanish]

[grunting]

-Ay dios!

-No.

-That means thank you in pig.

-You're a real dork.

You know that?

-George!

-George!

-You're back!

This is so cool!

Let me take a picture.

Man, no one will ever believe this.

-No one will ever believe this because nobody

will ever know about this.

-Oh, come on!

Just one picture!

Just one!

One?

-OK, one picture, but hurry up.

One secret picture.

-Man, this is going to be so cool.

-Say swine!

-Swine!

-Remember, this is our little secret.

-Forever.

-It's Mom and Dad!

-Hurry up!

Oh my God!

We can beat them!

-I think we're going to have to face the music on this one.

-Oh!

-Uh, you just passed it.

It was that red octagon thing back there

with the letters on it.

-I thought you said the next stop sign.

No problem, it's your dime.

-Is this a part time job or your intended career?

-You'll have to forgive him.

See, he's been sitting on a hard leather stump for two weeks.

He still can't feel his--

-And thank you for sharing that with our new friend.

-Problems with the rear end, huh?

Hey, I know all about butt rouble, buddy.

You know, I'm sitting here 10, sometimes

even 12 hours out of the day.

It gets pretty brutal.

But you know what happened the other day?

Doctor gets in the back of my cab.

We start talking, find out he's a doctor.

He says what you want to do is you

want to run warm mustard in there.

Get the hot, spicy kind, the Chinese stuff.

It's terrific.

You want to run it down in there.

It'll make you feel 100 times better.

I feel like a new man.

It's terrific.

-Uh, can we go home now?

[music playing]

-They're here!

-Everyone stay calm, breathe.

-Hi!

-Bonjuor!

Bonjour!

-Hi!

-Hey!

What's this?

We don't get any hugs?

-Yeah?

-Oh, yeah, sure.

-Come on.

I really miss a hug.

-Hi, honey!

-Welcome home.

-Hi, sweetie.

-Hi, Mom.

-So, anything happen while we were gone.

-No!

No!

-I see you didn't burn the house down.

-You're so funny Mr. Caldwell.

-Not much, same boring stuff.

-What's the occasion for washing my car?

-Dirt!

Dirt, yes it was very dirty, completely dirty.

But we cleaned it.

Now it's no problem.

-Thank you.

-What happened here?

-Oh my God, my car.

Matlida, what happened to my car?

-Well Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell, it's really very easy--

-It's my bike.

I slipped and I made a gash in the car.

I'll pay for it with my allowance.

-It was just an accident.

-Accidents happen.

Bike accidents happen.

Ask you whether.

-Ha.

[chuckling]

[gasp]

-Group hug!

-Group hug!

-Hey!

That's more like it.

It's good to be home.

-We missed you guys.

[burp]

-Oh, George.

-George, that was uncalled for.

-What can you expect from a pig, huh?

[laughter]

-How was your trip?

[music playing]