Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- Lizzie, George...

Marti and Edwin.

- You're missing someone.

- Oh, I never miss you, Derek.

Besides what's the point in giving you cutlery? It's not like you use it.

- Oh ho! Save the stand-up routine for our dinner guest.

- What dinner guest? - Oh, Ralph. He's coming for dinner.

And breakfast and lunch and dinner.

- Is he moving in? - No, his parents are outta town

so I told him he could stay here for the weekend. - Without my permission!

- Ah, I... I mean without parental permission?

- It's alright with me. - What's wrong with Ralph?

- Other than his taste in friends? Nothing.

Ralph's a very sweet guy.

He's just so loud and enthusiastic.

He's like a puppy who keeps on woofing

and knocking everything off the table with his tail and...

...he's ...he's standing behind me, isn't he?

- Little bit, yeah.

- Ralph, hi! You're here and

you're carrying drums. How perfect.

- Hope you don't mind. - Actually--

- Mind? Dude, you're our guest.

If you wanna drum, you drum.

All weekend long.

- That's good ‘cause I like my weekends like I like my music.

Loud!

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married, that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school... A new house... ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora ♪

♪ Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

- Before entering our house

there should be a sign: beware of wild animals.

And bringing a new wild animal into this overcrowded zoo?

Just asking for a stampede.

- Hey, wait for me!

Hey, Ralphie! What are you doing here?

- Oh, I'm staying the whole weekend. - Didn't Derek tell you

to come after dinner? - Yeah, friends don't let friends eat here.

- Hey! - Look, I warned him... I even tried to hide his fork.

- No, no, no! I think everything looks delicious.

- Thank you, Ralph. You're very polite.

- Mm, what is this? - Oh, well, ah,

that's a French dish called “left-o-vairs”"

- Mm hm. Remind me to get the recipe.

So what are us kids doing today?

- Um, well, ah,

this kid is going out with Emily.

- And Nora and I are having a parents night out at Emily's place.

- I got a shift at Smellie's.

- Hey, who's gonna be watching the kids?

- I'll watch the kids for you. - Forget it.

Last time you looked after the kids you started a food fight.

- We had to use peanut butter to get jelly out of my hair.

- Well, I'd... I'd be happy to hang with the kids.

- Ah, Ralphie, that's awfully sweet of you, but we can't ask you to hang.

- We didn't ask. Ralph volunteered.

- Good point. Ralphie, you're hired.

- Great. If you wanna see my references, ah--

- Hey, you don't need references. I can vouch for you.

- Ah, how comforting.

- So I need every sweet thing in the freezer

to make my famous Frozen Ralph. - [Both]: Ew!

- Don't diss it until you try it.

It's a swamp of every sweet frozen thing.

You put it all together and do you know what you have?

- Ah, the biggest stomachache ever?

- Put the top on! Put the top on!

- No. - You're ralphing everywhere! - No, the Ralph has to breathe!

- Edwin, watch out for flying Ralph!

- What's going on? This is worse than the food fight I started!

- Yeah, but I bet the results are tastier.

- Alright, Edwin, try this. - Uh, no thanks, Ralph. I don't want any brown stuff.

- Trust me. - Okay. - There you go.

There you go.

And there you go.

- [All]: Mmm!

- I know, I know! Just watch out for the, ah...

- [All]: Ow. - My head! Ow! - ...brain freeze, yeah.

- Alright!

Is everybody ready to rock? - If, by ready to rock,

you mean 'pumped full of sugar' then, yes, we are ready.

- Alright! Then a one, two,

a one, two, three!

- Whoa! You're the best babysitter ever!

- With you in charge I'd have a baby-sitter 'til I'm thirty.

- Can we stay up all night?

- I dunno. Can you?

[Closing door] - Ah!

What? How? Why?

- Frozen Ralph. - Uncovered blender. - Needed to breathe.

- Ralph, how could you? - Oh, it was really easy. You just take

every sweet thing from the freezer-- - The kids should be in bed!

You were supposed to be in charge! - Hey, that is no way to talk

to our honorary brother. - Honorary brother?

Ralph McDonald Venturi Papodopolous. That really rolls off the tongue.

- Well, as an honorary brother, be prepared to be punished

by your honorary parents for this mess.

- But Ralph's the best babysitter we ever had.

- Yeah! - Mm hm. - What... what about me?

- Solid second place? - You know, maybe if you had your own specialty drink.

- Yeah, but don't worry Casey, half the fun is making a mess,

the other half is cleaning it up! - Since when is cleaning up fun?

For anyone other than me?

- Marti to Ralph, Marti to Ralph.

The seagulls have landed! Over. - Landed over where?

- I mean they're coming. Over! - Who's coming over?

- My dad and Nora are here! - Oh!

Go, go, go, go, go!

- We're home!

Ah, hi, Ralph! Kids asleep already?

- Yes! - Yes.

- Oh, good, good.

Well, we really appreciate it, Ralph. Thanks again, alright?

- No problem. I had a blast. - Yeah, well, ah, I guess

you could hit the couch and, uh, chill ‘cause you're off the clock.

- Oh ho... I can't believe we actually pulled it off!

- We? All you did was walkie-talk while I cleaned up the mess you created.

- I'm sorry. I was just trying to be a good babysitter

and to me good babysitting is fun babysitting.

- Yeah well, maybe instead, you should try being a good guest.

And that means no drumming at night!

- Hey, buddy. How'd the night go?

- Uh, well, the kids had fun and so did I,

but Casey's really mad at me.

- Yup, yup... that sounds about right. Good job!

- Ah ha ha ha! - Go, go, go, go, go.

- Oh! - Could you take us to the park?

- Go fly a kite. Whoa! - That's exactly what we wanted to do.

- Ah, then... then go ask Casey. - We were asking Ralph.

- I'm sure I speak for Ralph when I say he-- - I'd love to!

- ...would love to.

- Let's go fly a kite.

- Thanks, man! You just saved me a shower.

Dude, the park rocked. The kite got stuck in a tree,

then I got stuck in a tree. Good times.

So what are the haps for tonight?

- Ah, 'the haps' is me having dinner with Celeste.

- Great! Where are we going? - It's a dinner for two.

Don't you have a date with Amanda? - Ah, no, Amanda's

in Niagara Falls at an Irish dancing competition.

- Irish dancing? - Yeah, you know, um...

♪♪

- Hey! You're hanging out with Ralph tonight.

- You can't pawn Ralph off on me. - Ah, nobody's pawning Ralph.

But since I have a date tonight and you have no life,

I thought you wouldn't mind. - I have a life!

I just don't have a date and my best friend Emily does.

And why should I have to look after your friend, when all I want to do is enjoy

a rom-com at home alone on a Saturday night? - Rom-com?

♪♪ - Ooh hoo! A romantic comedy.

I'll join you. Just promise you won't cry, okay?

- How could he leave her? Men are such jerks!

- I know! Obviously she was perfect for him!

Couldn't he see that?

- I know.

So, um, Casey?

- Hm? - What's a girl like you

doing with a guy like me on Saturday night?

- I... I don't know I...

guess since Max and I broke up I haven't really...

connected with anyone.

- Maybe you just haven't let yourself connect with anyone.

- That is very insightful, Ralph.

- Thanks.

No one's ever called me insightful before.

- So, what about you? Shouldn't you be with Amanda?

- Actually, we're in a fight. At least I think we are.

I mean, she said she was really nervous about her Irish dancing competition

and I thought that meant she didn't want me to go,

so I said “Hey, don't worry!

I won't be there.”

- Because you didn't want to make her

more nervous by watching. - Exactly!

And then I did my imitation of the Irish dancing to try to make her laugh

and she thought I was making fun of Irish dancing, which I wasn't!

But you got to admit it's kind of weird to dance without moving your arms.

- Well I hope you two work it out.

Amanda is a very lucky girl. - Why?

Did she win the lottery, or something?

- In a way, she did.

Goodnight, Ralph.

- Hey, loser!

- You okay, Ralph? - No.

I think I'm in love with Casey.

[Laughter]

- Casey?

You're lovin'... Casey. You're kidding, right?

- No.

- No?

Oh, in that case...

go for it, buddy!

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Hey! Congrats on the new boyfriend.

- Hm? - Ralph.

- What are you talking about? Ralph and I are not together! We are apart. Very apart.

- Oh, then why is he preparing to declare his love for you?

- What? You have to stop him! - Stop him?

So you don't actually like him?

Well, I guess I shouldn't have told him to go for it.

- Ah! What? You have to tell him I am not interested!

- And disappoint Ralph? I can't do that to a friend.

- Oh! - Casey? Can I talk to you?

- Um, no! Because...

I'm asleep!

- Good one.

- Casey, I have breakfast for you.

- Uh... I'm still not up yet.

- Ralphie,

what are you doing bringing Casey breakfast?

- Um,

it's kind of a secret. - Then whisper it.

- I like Casey. - You like Casey?

- You like Casey? - Who told? - You did!

- Great, now you guys know... and Derek knows.

- You told Derek? - Well, who do you think told me to go for it?

- Edwin, emergency!

- Well, I just want to say it's an honour to be invited to a family emergency.

- Alright, what's going on? - Ralph loves Casey!

- Your honorary stepsister? Dude, that is sick! - Well, I'm willing to give up

honorary family status for her. - But don't you have a girlfriend?

- Yeah, but Casey understands me! And I thought she liked me too and Derek

seemed really encouraging, but now I think she's hiding from me. It's really confusing.

- Don't worry, Ralph. We'll get to the bottom of this.

- Let's go, Liz.

- We so need a bigger meeting place. - Definitely.

- Marti, that was for Casey.

- And it's delicious!

- Is there a supermodel waiting for me downstairs? - No.

- Is there a pizza waiting for me downstairs? - No.

- Then, please, tell me why you just entered without knocking? - Because Ralph likes Casey

and you encouraged him! How could you do that?

- You have to ask? - I can understand

why you could do that to Casey, but to Ralph?

Alright, the guy's a stand-up dude and right now that stand-up dude

is camped outside Casey's room and Casey's not coming out!

Alright, this is just plain wrong! - If by wrong you mean

hilarious, then, yeah, it's wrong.

- You know, I like someone too. - Oh yeah? Anyone I know?

- His name is Justin. He's really into puzzles.

- Crossword or jigsaw? - Jigsaw.

- Nice. - So you're not interested in Ralph?

- No and I know he's a really sweet guy, but he has an even sweeter girlfriend.

- Well, you have to set him straight. - But I don't have the heart

to tell him. Maybe if he heard the bad news from someone else?

- Someone like me? - Hey, what a great idea!

- Casey, you have to deal with this.

- Or I could just stay barricaded in my room until he leaves.

But could you get me some breakfast? I'm starving.

- Enjoying some leftover leftovers?

- No thanks, I'm not hungry.

- Something on your mind, Ralph? - Not usually.

But right now, yeah. Um...

let's say I have a friend

who's interested in Casey named... Ralph.

- You're interested in Casey? - Who told?

- Ah... you?

- Nora, you're right. I'm Ralph.

I like Casey and I was wondering

if you would consider me a suitable candidate to be her boyfriend.

- Ah gosh, Ralph!

Um, don't you think that really ought to be up to Casey?

- So I should sit outside her room some more? - No, no.

You know what, why... why don't you

go watch some TV until Casey comes down?

- Okay. - Okay.

- How could you do this to poor, sweet, innocent Ralph?

- How could you do this to poor, sweet innocent Ralph?

Have you no shame? - No! Derek is shameless!

- You guys are blowing this way out of proportion. Ralph has a girlfriend

and this whole thing with Casey

is a 24-hour crush, like the flu. It's no big deal.

- Well, it is to me! And to Ralph!

- Emergency bulletin! Ralph's downstairs

calling Amanda to break up with her.

- Nice job, Derek!

- Hey, Amanda! I--

- He'll call you right back. Bye, bye.

Dude, what are you doing?

- The right thing! I'm breaking up with Amanda.

- For Casey? Have you lost your mind?

- I thought you were for this. - I was kidding!

- You were ki...

I don't get it.

- Let me explain:

Amanda is great. Casey is the complete opposite.

Trust me, I am protecting you from making the biggest mistake of your life.

- Bigger than the pony tail I had in grade 7?

- Second biggest mistake of your life.

But who was there to cut off that rat tail?

- You were. Right in the middle of math class.

Without asking me.

- Talk about true friendship, huh?

- Derek,

you've given me a lot to think about.

- Okay, we don't have much time.

Ralph's thinking downstairs and that can't take long.

Now, he started liking Casey in one night, so we should be able

to get him to un-like her just as fast.

- How do we do that? - Edwin!

Girls lose interest in you all the time. Tell us your secret!

- Okay, well that's not necessarily true any more,

but in my romantically challenged days,

girls would often complain about my lame jokes,

my slovenly appearance and, on occasion, my body odour.

- Well, that's it! We'll just get Casey

to be as repulsive as possible!

- Ugh!

Ah, hey Ralph. - Ah, can't talk.

Doing some serious thinking about Casey.

- But, ah, I... I am Casey.

- Oh! Ah, sorry!

I smelled Derek.

Well, you look, ah...

comfortable. - No, no, no!

I look like a total mess! But, ah, that's just the real repulsive me.

- Wow. You must like me too.

- I must? Why... why must I?

- Well, you're willing to look so relaxed around me.

So different from Amanda... she was always trying to look and smell her best.

- Yes, Amanda.

Um, let's talk about her.

- No. I'd rather talk about us.

- Oh, but Amanda's so sweet!

- Yeah, she's sweet. But she doesn't understand me any more and you do.

I don't care if you've bathed or used deodorant

or even brushed your teeth, though you really should do that at least three times a day.

- Mm hm. Derek!

Would you please excuse me for a moment?

Great plan! Now Ralph likes me more!

- Well, I don't get it. You look plenty repulsive to me.

- Derek! We need a new plan! - Well, I'm out of ideas.

- You encouraged Ralph to go for me, remember? Now he wants to break up

with Amanda and it's your fault, so you better come up with something fast!

- Okay! Sheesh. Maybe if he saw this ugly side of you...

- Good point! I can use that! - What?

- You know Ralph, you're right. I am comfortable around you.

So comfortable, I'm not afraid to tell you

exactly what kind of guy I'm looking for. Someone who buys me presents every day.

Someone who picks up my dry cleaning,

someone who listens to me while I read from my journal.

- You know it's a really big couch.

- Someone who doesn't interrupt me when I am talking.

- Casey? What are you doing?

- I'm just being the real me. - Oh, huh.

Well, in that case. - Oh, hey!

Guess who has a date with Amanda?

- You have a date with Amanda? - What a great idea!

- No, it isn't! - What do you care, you love the Casey.

- Yeah! And you just told me to go for it

so you could go for my girlfriend! You know, as a friend,

I don't consider that that respectful.

- Yeah, and what you're doing to Amanda is?

Breaking up with her after watching one movie with Casey?

- But I don't want to break up with Amanda! I still like her!

- Exactly. - So you don't like me any more?

- Honestly, I'm really confused about my feelings right now.

- Allow me.

‘Kay, you fell for Casey ‘cause you were in a big fight

with Amanda and feeling really low.

I mean, what other reason could there be?

- You know what? I think you're right.

- Yes, yes! Derek is right!

- I'm really sorry, Casey. I still think you rock,

you just might wanna cut down on your demands and...

maybe try bathing.

- Yeah.

Hey, sorry we didn't get to hang out much this weekend but, ah,

maybe next weekend? - Nah, I can't. Amanda and I

are having a Romantic Movie Marathon.

- As horrible as that sounds, I'm glad you guys worked things out.

- Me too. - Me too too!

- You wanna go get some lunch? I just gotta go dump my books.

- Yeah, yeah! I'll go get us a table, okay? Later, D.

- Peace, Ralph. - And you.

Thanks for forcing us to talk and work things out.

- Anything for Ralphie.

- Oh and tell Casey... to get her own Ralph!

Closed Captioning by SETTE inc.

- But she doesn't understand me any more and you do. [Bee]

- Hope you don't mind. - Ah, yeah.

Minding... a lot. No!

- Geez!

- And breakfast. And lunch.

I'll just take the line again? Yeah.

- No his...

- I'm so sorry. Okay.

- Ralph's downstairs breaking up...

- Fantastic!

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

- Sorry.

- I turned a bit late. - ♪ Living life with Derek ♪

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