Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- I've read the proposals for the family life project

and the 3 students who get to make films

instead of writing essays are...

Stephen Wilkinson. - Yes! Woooo!

- An in-depth conversation with his father the massage therapist,

called "Massage In A Bottle".

Holly Hendricks

and her thriving cul-de-sac neighborhood,

called "The Dead End Comes Alive".

And the final film will be an examination of the benefits

of a modern blended family called

"An Examination of The Benefits of A Modern Blended Family".

You might want to work on a cuter title... Casey McDonald!

- Yes! - Way to go Casey.

- Ms. Martinez, thank you so much

for giving me the chance to make my documentary.

- Ms Martinez, you cannot make me write this essay!

I am a director, not a writer!

- I'm sorry Derek, but your proposal was very--

- Entertaining!

- Silly. "Edweirdo: The Story Of A Household Superhero"?

- Yes, Derek. This is a sociology project, not a joke.

- Ms Martinez, the story of the domestic superhero

has to be told.

- Well, then tell me in your essay, which I expect to see Monday.

Unless, of course,

Casey chooses you as her partner.

- Hm.

- Casey... Who better to film the fam than someone in the fam?

- Nobody. Except Emily.

Emily will be my partner.

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

wrong. I didn't want

the McDonalds to blend with the Venturis. But, now?

Well, with the exception of one big lump in the smooth blending of our families,

I can't imagine our lives apart.

Emily, wake up, wake up! Someone in my family is awake!

- Hallelujah.

- Marti!

Last year you had 2 brothers and now you have 2 sisters, too!

How do you feel about these exciting changes?

- Can't talk. Cartoons.

- Ah, Marti, you shouldn't put

chocolate milk in your sugar cereal!

- Yeah, ya' really shouldn't! I should try that.

- Emily!

♪♪♪

- Ah!

Emily. What are you doing? - Ah! Emily! What are you doing?

- Shooting a home movie. - But this isn't your home.

- You didn't tell them?

- No, no, 'cuz I wanted it to be a surprise! Roll it.

- No! Stop, stop, stop! What's going on here?

- Well, I was chosen to make a movie about our blended family

for sociology cuz' I wanted to document

how great things have been for the McDonald-Venturis after a year of living together.

- Ahhh... that's wonderful.

- Very... Uplifting. - Yeah, it is.

My film will suggest that if 2 very different families can live together in harmony,

then the world can do the same.

- And filming me in my underwear is gonna prove this?

- Wait! This is gonna be seen by your whole class?!

- Yeah.

- Oh. Okay, well, I'm just gonna go get dressed

and put on some make up, like I always do,

ahem, before breakfast. - Me too, me too.

I mean, the get-dressed part, not the make up.

I do not wear make up!

- Um, I know you're the director,

but you might've wanted to mention to your family what you were doing.

- Oh, but then I wouldn't get them the way they really are.

- I... am Edweirdo!

- Ahhh! Emily, cut!

- Edwin, did Derek tell you I was making the movie, not him?

- Yes, but that does not mean

that the Edweirdo project is dead!

- Ah, yeah, it does. So just be Edwin.

Plain old weird Edwin.

- Ha! ♪♪♪

Edweirdo, domestic superhero!

- [Casey]: Okay, Lizzie. Action!

- Did you know that 1 1/2 acres of rainforest are lost every second?

There goes another acre! And another! And another. And--

- Liz, um... I appreciate your environmental concern.

It would be terrific in a different documentary.

It's just this is a movie about our wonderful, merged family. - But Casey!

Think about the families living in the Amazon!

There used to be 10 million native peoples living in the rainforest

and today, there's less than 200,000.

- Well, we used to be 1 family of girls living in a condo in Toronto.

And then Mom married George...

Now we have 2 brothers and a little sister.

- We've met. Your point?

- And then we were this!

So, Lizzie, what's it like having brothers?

- Okay. Well, now when I go to the bathroom, I have to check

the seat for tinkle sprinkle. If the seat is even down!

- And boys toot! A lot! - Cut!

Um, Marti, could you please wait in the hallway until it's time for your interview?

- But I wanna play with Lizzie's diarrhea.

- You mean "diorama". And it's not a toy.

- Okay, then it's a snack! Thank you!

- Marti you can't eat that!

The Emerald Tree Boa is a protected species!

- Lizzie, come back! The interview was just getting going.

C'mon, Em.

♪♪♪

- Coming!

- What's going on?

It is noon on Saturday. I am trying to sleep.

What's up, Em? - Hey Derek.

I think you have a sleepy in your eye.

- How's the bed-head? - Mm, not bad.

- Now Derek, how great has it been having

2 new stepsisters and a new stepmother?

- Forget it! You're trying to deceive your audience

and I want no part in this.

- But you are a part of this! This is a movie about

how our merged family has enriched our lives!

- Ha! Enriched? Ah, you mean bathroom line ups, fights over the remote

phones jammed with girlie gossip

and then the bathtubs clogged with girlie hair, refrigerator filled with girlie food!

- He's not serious. He's just not a morning person.

- Oh! I am totally serious!

This used to be a bathing/cleaning optional bachelor paradise!

And now it's just... uh!

Hygienic.

- C'mon, Em, we don't need to listen to this. - Oh, yes...

You do!

Because this is not a merged family!

This is a hostile takeover

by your family! - Derek! Cut!

Just cuz' you have to write an essay

cuz' you didn't get chosen to make your stupid super-hero film

doesn't mean you can turn my documentary into a joke!

- Casey, I'm not bitter. Just honest.

And since I'm part of your blended family,

there's nothing you can do about it.

- Oh yeah? ♪♪♪

- I... You can't cut me outta the family.

- Well, I am sorry, Derek, but I am trying to celebrate this family, not trash it.

So from now on, this is a film

about how Lizzie and I merged with Edwin and Marti!

Let's go, Em. ♪♪♪

Let's meet the 2 heads of our newly blended household.

Shall we?

Mom, how do you feel about our merged family?

- Oh, depends on the day.

- But overall it's great, right?

- Oh, sure it is!

- And George, how do you feel about our merged family? - Terrific!

- Great! Could you just say that to the camera?

- Ah...

- Okay, Mom, um...

Have we overcome any challenges since our family has blended?

- Challenges? Oh, well, that would be you and Derek.

The constant fighting, the arguing.

You'd think over a year that things would get better, but...

Ha-ha... No! - Okay, Mom, um...

Derek and I had creative differences so he's not in my movie.

Let's just talk about something else, okay?

Tell us the origin of this wonderful merged family.

How did you 2 meet?

- Oh, well, you know...

How does any couple meet?

- Don't you remember?

- Oh, of course I remember.

We, ah, met in the frozen foods section of the supermarket.

- Oh, I didn't know that's how you 2 met.

- 'Cuz it's not how we met. It's how you met your first wife, Abby.

- Ohhhh...

Kay! Ah, let's take that one again!

Um... How did you 2 meet?

- Yes, George. How did we meet?

- We met on a blind date.

And, and Nora, she was the most beautiful woman in the room.

- What was I wearing?

- A really nice dress. - A dress?!

I was wearing a pantsuit!

- Nora! Nora! - I can't believe you don't remember!

- Nora, I remember now! You wore that dress on our second date!

- What is wrong with my wonderful merged family today?

- I think they were funny. - I don't want funny!

I want sincerity and togetherness.

- Casey, you can't control how people act.

- But I do know 1 person I can control.

When Liz and I lived in Toronto we were really happy.

But now living as a merged family

with 3 new siblings, I'm even happier.

Em?

Where are you? [Music & vacuum]

- Okay, Edweirdo! The vacuum is attacking your family.

You must save your family from the force of suction!

And action! - Have no fear!

Edweirdo will save the day!

Fail, you evil... - Edwin, fight harder. - Piece of suction. Ahhh!

- Emily, go in tight on Edwin's face.

- Don't try to fight it! Ahhh!

- Derek! Emily! - Quiet on the set, please!

- This is my set! You don't have a set!

- Actually, I do! [Humming stops]

The Edweirdo project is back on.

And once Ms Martinez sees my movie,

she'll forget all about the essay I didn't write.

- Forget about it, Derek, because Emily is filming my movie!

- For once in your lives can you 2 stop fighting? I'm trying to finish the rainforest!

- Well, I'm trying to make a film and you are one of my stars.

- How come your projects are always more important than my projects?

- They're not! It's just I only have 2 days to shoot and edit this thing!

- So? I only have 2 days to make a diorama

that shows how the rainforest loses 137

plant, animal and insect species every day!

- Nora, I said I was sorry!

You're overreacting. - You can't tell me how to react!

I can react any way I want!

- Nora! Please stop and talk. - Emily, cut!

- But this is the best stuff we got all day! - You want better stuff?

Edweirdo is about to fight the powers

of static cling in the laundry room.

- Ooh, that sounds funny. - No, that sounds stupid!

- You think my movie's stupid?

You're the one trying to portray this happy-go-lucky family,

when you know we're just a bunch of baboons fighting over the same bunch of bananas!

- Derek's right, Casey. This place is a zoo.

No offense.

- It's not a zoo! It is a happy, well-adjusted...

Where are you going? - Back to my own zoo to write the essay.

♪♪♪

- This is so unfair!

Why is it so hard to show our family getting along?

- Getting along? - Yeah!

- Where's the script for that movie?

That better be a breakfast menu

because this is the second time this weekend you've woken me up.

- Hey, I didn't sleep either cuz' I was thinking about what you said so.

I was up late trying to put the words into our family's mouths. Wanna hear the plot?

- No. - It's a heartwarming saga

of 2 families who work together,

overcome adversity and bond into one big happy family.

- Ya' scripted it?

Just when ya' thought your movie couldn't get any faker.

- Just cuz' it's scripted doesn't make it fake.

It's like those reality shows!

- Look, Casey, I don't care how huge a lie your movie is...

I'm not gonna be in it!

- I know. I wrote you out already, remember?

Uh, but since Emily, mm-hm, left the project,

I need you to be my camera boy.

And, hey, it'll give you a chance to flex those moviemaking muscles.

- Forget it. I do not flex on Sundays.

I will be watching sports and eating something deep-fried.

- And writing your sociology essay due tomorrow?

Unless, of course, you've already written it?

♪♪♪

- Very impressive, Lizzie.

But why is there a toy bulldozer there?

- Well, it represents the clearing of the rainforest for timber.

And these mini-protestors are chained to these mini-trees

cuz' they wanna stop deforestation.

- Wow. Lizzie, that's really cool.

- Hey, George! Here's your script.

- A script? For a documentary?

- Yes! Um, as the director I thought I would direct the story

in the direction I wanted it to go!

Think of it as a 'Documenstory'.

- Casey, you know what? I'd really love to learn lines,

but Lizzie really needs my help now.

- Still fighting with Mom, huh?

- No! No, no, no. It's just one of those little marital bumps.

- Well, don't worry. I know just how to smooth things out.

I've done a little rewrite on how you met.

- Nora, remember when I first saw you

in a second-hand bookstore in Paris?

- I was looking through the poetry section

and there you were,

reading from the collected works

of Byron. - [Derek]: Cut!

- Cut? You can't call cut! I call cut! - I'm glad he did.

That was a bit much! I've never even been to Paris.

- I thought it was romantic. - Oh, me too.

- I was getting major glare off Dad's forehead.

- Who cares? Just shoot the darn thing. Action!

- I asked what your favorite poem was

and you said...

- Hickory-dickory-dock, the mouse ran up the clock...

- Stick to the script, George!

- I can't say these lines.

- What's wrong with the lines? - I'd never say 'cool'. I'd say 'coooool'.

- Okay, you know what? Say it however you want let's just shoot this thing!

Places, people! - Now, hold on, hold on!

What's my motivation? - Your motivation?

- Yeah! Why am I saying what I'm saying?

- It doesn't matter just say it! - Oh. Works for me.

- Good! Okay, everyone hide your scripts!

[Paper crinkling]

♪♪♪ Hi!

Let's listen in as our blended family of 6 has some

stimulating mealtime conversation.

- Well, what a pleasant family breakfast.

- Ah, it sure is, Pops!

Uh, maybe I could use some

hipper lingo like ♪ Yo, D to the A to the D ♪

♪ I'm picking up what you're putting down ♪

- No. Okay, so what are we all doing this Sunday?

- Oh, I'm going to be catching up on my sewing.

- [Lizzie]: I'll be working on my rainforest diorama...

that no one else considers important but me.

- Just, ah, stick to the script, Liz. - I'll be cleaning up my room.

Cleaning up my room? Who are you kidding?

- And I'll be goin' to the park to check out the half-pipe.

- No, no, Edwin! You'll be doing the laundry

'cuz that's just the kinda helpful guy you are. - Who are you kidding?

- Edwin, my movie, my script!

- It sticks! - Ah! Marti!

- Hey! Go to your room. - Yes!

- George, you just sent one of my cast to her room! What am I gonna do now?

- A blended family of 3 kids

means 3 times the love and

3 times the laundry. - Edwin!

Just stop acting so crazy and stop moving your arms around so much.

You're ruining my shot. - Why is the camera guy giving me direction?

- What did you say? - Ah... Derek.

Actors are very sensitive.

You gotta know how to coddle them. Edwin, act normally or you're outta the picture!

- Hey! I'm an artist.

And if my work isn't appreciated, then...

well you can find yourself another actor!

- You're not an actor! You're my stepbrother!

- Not any more! I've never been so insulted!

- That was a powerful scene.

The hostility he felt towards you? Ooh! So real!

- Yeah, how 'bout this hostility?

Lizzie, how did you feel about me when we first met?

- Uh, you mean when I was born?

- Uh, ah, oh no! Listen, would you mind being George's daughter?

- Excuse me?

- Just for the movie. See, Edwin quit

and Marti's in her room and this is still about a blended family

so I need you to pretend like you're my stepsister

so we would've only met when your fake step-mom met your real step-dad!

- Excuse me?

- You know what? Just stick to the script and everything'll be fine, okay?

- Case, I can't do this any more. I have to finish my project.

- Oh, come on, Liz! I don't wanna be an only child in a merged family!

It'll only take 1 take! - If that camera's gonna be in my face,

I'm gonna talk about the rainforest!

'Cuz the rainforest once covered 14% of the Earth's land surface

and now it only covers 6%! - Oh yeah?

Blended families make up almost 50% of families in Canada!

- Well, more than 20% of the world's oxygen

is produced in the Amazon Rainforest!

And the last remaining rainforests could be consumed in less than 40 years.

- Ooh... An "issue-off"! This is good.

- No, it's not good cuz' it's not what my film is about!

This is the climax of my movie and I'm supposed to show

the family at odds about what to make for dinner!

We then mix a Venturi favorite, throw in a little McDonald favorite

to make an even better recipe!

Yeah, yeah! It's a metaphor for our family!

- If by metaphor you mean really lame!

- Yeah, Enviro-girl is right. May I suggest having the meal blow-up?

- No! I don't want a blow up! I want a big, happy, blended family!

So I'm just gonna put your diorama aside for 5 minutes...

- Edweirdo returns...! - Casey, no!

- [Edwin]: Ay, Carumba! - [Derek]: Oh!

- ...To save the rainforest from an uncaring world.

- You destroyed my diorama!

- Sorry! Mm.

- I hate this family!

[Screaming]

- Liz, wait! I'm sorry!

- The rainforest's not totally ruined. Oh, look...

The mini-protestors are still chained to the mini trees.

They just don't give up.

- I found my model paint.

- Well, Lizzie's locked herself in the bathroom,

in case anyone has to go. What are you guys doing?

- Saving the rainforest. We could use your help.

- I brought some of my toy dinosaurs.

- Ha, ha, Marti, uh...

Dinosaurs don't live in the rainforest.

- Well, I could probably paint them to look like jaguars.

- Yeah, and I can paint their spots!

- I can't find the glue gun.

- That's 'cuz I have it. And you guys, you don't have to do this.

- Of course we do.

Fixing busted dioramas is what families are for.

- Well, then, Mom, you better make some more sandwiches,

'cuz, uh, we got a long night ahead of us.

- Right on it, Lizard. - Liz, I am so...

- I know. And it's okay.

I know what you're like when you get into something. Where do you think I get it?

[Bell ringing]

- Late as usual.

Know of any excuses for an unfinished movie?

- Oh, you won't need an excuse.

- Derek, what did you do? - You mean what did we do?

[Narration by Liz, Marti & Ed]

- [Derek]: In a world where families have merged,

comes a girl with a message.

- My film will suggest that if 2 very different families

can live together in harmony,

then the world could do the same.

- And filming me in my underwear is gonna prove this?

- But somehow that message got lost.

- Now, hold on, hold on! Why am I saying what I'm saying?

- You know what? Just stick to the script and everything'll be fine, okay?

- But things weren't fine. [Commotion]

- Edweirdo returns! - Oh no!

- To save the rainforest from an uncaring world.

- [Derek]: Yes! - You destroyed my diorama?!

I hate this family! - But when tragedy strikes

who will be there to pick up the pieces?

- [Marti]: Is it time to put these guys on?

- [Casey]: You should put it at the end, right...

- No, no, no. I wanna... I wanna do that.

- [Lizzie]: I'd need to see...

- Um, can I just get serious for a moment?

- This family rocks! [All cheering]

♪♪♪

- Yes!

♪♪♪

Yeah!

Encore!

- You know, Derek, by collaborating with me you proved my point.

Blended families are great.

- Ha! Collaborated?

I stayed up all night editing your nothing into my something.

You're lucky I didn't take your name off it.

- Yeah, totally great. - Wanna see the DVD extras

on, ah, your home movie?

- Ooh! Yeah!

[Gargling]

- Der-ek!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! - I can't believe that!

- Oh, no, no, no, no! It's wonderful! - I don't--

♪♪♪

- There used to be 10 million native peoples

in the Amazon and uh, and the...

- Teeth? - Good.

- Girly gossip... cro... Jamming up the phone.

[Belching]

- ♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

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