Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- Sorry! I was hanging with Derek and we lost track of time.

- Shocking! Almost as shocking as you wanting to help

sell tickets to the Valentine's Day Dance.

- One ticket, please.

- I think you might want two.

'Cuz I heard that girl likes you.

- Two tickets, please.

- Kendra! How did you know that he was...? She...?

- I'm very intuitive. Plus I listen to all the rumors.

So what is the scoop on the school's oddest couple?

- Kendra! Shhh.

- Hey, Case. Two tickets please.

- 'Kay. That'll be twenty dollars.

- Yeah! Of course!

Um...

Listen. Can I borrow twenty dollars?

I'll pay you back in hugs!

- It's okay. It's on me.

- You've got to tell me. How long before she breaks up with him?

- I dunno. Emily seems really happy.

- Hey, Schlepper! What's happening?

- Oh, hey! - Sheldon!

- She'll dump him before the dance. - Really?

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

I believe in facts.

And the fact is I really hope that Max asks me to the dance!

But you didn't hear it here.

[Doorbell] - Em? What's wrong?

- Sheldon... broke... up... with me.

- Oh, Emily! I was so sorry to hear about the break up.

- Don't be ridiculous, Mom.

Sheldon didn't break up with Emily.

- Yes he... he did. - What!

What... I don't... I don't believe that! Hey? How did you know before me?

- My mom. - Oh, Em... I'm so sorry!

How did this happen?

- I don't know! I mean, everything was going so great!

And then, all of a sudden, Sheldon said...

- So? What did Sheldon say? - Yeah, dish!

- No, dish. C'mon Em.

- Oh!

- Don't be nosy, Edwin. We'll find out from Mom, anyway.

- Tell me all about it, Em.

- Sheldon said he wanted to focus on his music.

- And you believed him? - Well, of course not!

Do you think it's me? Or maybe I just liked him too much.

- You liked him too much?

No way! What are those?

- It's Sheldon's gym socks. It's all I have to remember him.

- Oh, uh... Em, that's really... That's disgusting.

- It is, isn't it? - Yeah.

- Well, it's OK. We'll get through this together.

Is there anything I can do for you?

- Find out why Sheldon broke up with me. - Okay.

[Pan flute]

- Sheldon! - Can't talk. We've gotta jam.

- With the pan flute club? Not until you spill the beans about you and Em.

- Music is my true love now.

- Sheldon, yesterday Emily was your true love!

- Yeah, well people change. You know? They grow apart.

- In a day? How? - Ask Emily.

- Fine. Don't tell me! But Casey McDonald is on the case.

I'll search high and low until I find out why you and Em broke up.

- Sheldon broke up with Emily

because he heard that Emily was gonna break up with him.

- What?

- I was going to break up with him?

I wasn't gonna break up with him! But I would now!

- It's okay, Em! Cry it out!

- Where did Sheldon hear that crazy idea?

- I'll check with gossip central.

- Please. Like you don't know why.

- I don't know why! That's why I'm asking you.

- Well, I'll give you a hint.

She heard a rumor started by someone in this room.

- You started a rumor? - Not me, you!

- Couldn't be! - Then who?

- If it isn't Benedict McDonald.

- It's Benedict Arnold! And I didn't start a rumor!

- Uh, yeah ya' did.

- Sheldon! Oh!

- She'll dump him before the dance. Ha!

Kendra! I was joking!

- Good one. - Okay, fine!

Maybe I said it, but you didn't have to spread it!

- Who said I spread it?

- Okay fine, so I might've shared your observations

with one person, but... - Kendra! It's a rumor!

- Ya' tell one person and then--

So it's my fault the one person I told can't keep a secret?

- Yes! - Well, if you didn't tell her the secret

then she wouldn't have had anything to spread,

so if we're playing the blame game? You win.

- I can't believe I broke Emily and Sheldon up.

- And you call yourself her best friend.

- Uh! And it's almost Valentine's Day!

- And I can't wait to see the Valentine's Day present from my Der-bear.

- Present?

- Kitchen inventory?

- Gift shopping, actually.

I have to find a Valentine's Day gift for Kendra

and my budget is a big fat zero.

- Ooh! What do ya' think?

- Well, I think you're gonna have to go to a store and spend some money on a gift.

- No way. There has gotta be something in this house that I can give Kendra!

- Derek, mellow! Valentine's Day is weeks away. You've got time to save.

- Yeah, maybe in the world where people still say "mellow",

but in this one? It's in two days.

- Dibs on the mitts!

- Forget it! I saw them first! - C'mon Derek, come on!

Listen! This is my first Valentine's Day married to Nora!

It's gotta be perfect! - Dad, she married you.

Obviously her standards aren't that high. Get her some flowers.

- Flowers? No! Everybody gives flowers.

I... I need something... original.

Yeah, when you find that something, pick up an extra one for me.

- You know what I used to do in high school?

I would break up with my girlfriend just before Valentine's Day

to save me from all that lovey-dovey stuff

and buying the "expensive, but thoughtful" gift.

- Um! - Uh-um, Yeah.

I called it the pre-emptive strike.

- That's mean. How could you?

Hey, hey! We got back together the day after Valentine's.

Yeah, okay, it was mean. Anyway...

I gotta go shop.

- How could you...

not tell me that sooner?

[Beeping]

- So, I heard you broke Emily and Sheldon up. How'd you do it?

- I didn't! It was a rumor I accidentally started.

- All that happened 'cuz of a rumor? Unbelievable!

- I know! And who knew the more unbelievable the rumor

the more likely people believe it?

- Um!

- Hey! Successful Valentine's Day shopping?

- Oh, yeah! Look!

Bought myself some new pants.

- Oooh! So, what'd you buy for Mom?

- Nothing. Yeah, I talked to Nora and she said

she's not into all that commercial romance stuff, so I'm off the hook.

- You're kidding, right? - No.

- George, women say they don't care what you do for Valentine's Day,

but trust me they totally do.

- But, why would Nora lie to me?

- It's a test to see if you can plan the perfect evening without any pointers.

- But, why would Nora test me? - To keep you on your toes.

Make sure you realize how important it is to keep romance alive.

- Oh, man! I'm in trouble!

Casey, listen... you're her daughter!

Help me! Please?

- Well, you seem like a good guy, so I'll tell you this:

Mom and I are romantics, so, we'd both want the same thing.

- Uh, Casey, I think this is your fantasy.

- Maybe not exactly the same thing.

- Great, great! So I still need a present and plans for a romantic evening.

- Don't worry, Dad. You'll think of something.

- Why are you so relaxed about all this?

You know, Kendra, she seems like the romantic type to me.

- She sure does, Der-bear.

- Oh! It's all good. I've got a plan.

- Yeah, right!

- What horrible person would start a rumor

that I wanted to break up with Sheldon?

- Ah, let's not focus on that.

- Well, what should I focus on?

- Making sure Sheldon knows the truth.

- You're right. Could you talk to him for me?

- It's the least I can do.

Sheldon. I need to talk to you about Emily.

- She wants me back, uh? - Yeah.

- Yeah, well I'm not surprised. Girls always want what they can't have.

- Uh... where'd you hear that?

- I read it in a book called "Girls Always Want What They Can't Have".

- Oh, okay, um... Well, Emily really misses you.

- Well, then why did she tell everyone that she wanted to break up with me?

- She didn't! It was a stupid rumor and... I started it.

- So I didn't have to break up with her?

- Wh... why would you do that? You really hate me that much?

- No! No! Sheldon, not at all!

You're a great guy. I really like you. A lot.

I wish I had a guy as great as you.

- You do?

- Casey McDonald, I didn't know you cared.

- Cared about what?

- Me! Come on, why else would you start that rumor, uh?

To be honest I... I had you pegged as a "goody-goody".

Who knew you could be such a "baddy-baddy"?

- Ooh! Okay, no! Um... no, You don't understand what I'm--

- No, no! I understand perfectly.

And, hey... don't be so hard on yourself, uh?

Crushing the Schlepper can really mess with your mind.

It can even make you turn on your best friend?

- Well, she's not my best friend anymore.

- Em, I... I can explain.

- No thanks. And I never want to speak to either of you ever again!

- So, I guess we're really broken up, uh?

Man, the Thompson High "power couples" are really dropping like flies.

I mean, first me and Emily,

then Kendra and Derek.

- Kendra and Derek?

- Yeah. I heard he's gonna break up with her.

- Derek's breaking up with Kendra?

- Derek's breaking up with me?

- Can I get two tickets?

- Here. Take 'em all.

Max! - And, uh... I need to talk to you.

- I'd love to go to the dance with you!

- That's what I need to talk to you about. I'm going with Kendra.

- What? But... why?

- I saw her crying in the hall about Derek

and I asked her what was wrong and before I knew it...

she'd asked me to the dance.

- Oh.

- And I heard you were going with Sheldon.

- Schlepper! It's not true!

Tell Kendra you changed your mind.

- I couldn't take the crying.

- Before you say anything I just wanna say that...

I am so sorry I asked Max to the dance!

It's just that I heard that Derek was gonna break up with me

and I figured that since you were going with Sheldon--

- I'm not going with Sheldon. I would never do that to Emily!

- Well, you did start that rumor about her and Sheldon.

- Kendra, it was a joke!

- Oh, yeah... yeah.

- Rumors are ruining my life. - I feel for you.

I mean, first, the one about Sheldon and then the one

about you getting kicked outta your old school for pulling the fire alarm.

- What? - But, but no one believed that one.

[School bell]

- You pulled the fire alarm at your old school?

- You heard that? And you believed it?

- Eh... No. But Mrs. Peterson from the History Department, she loves to talk!

And I shouldn't. - I can't believe people believe

everything they hear whether it's true or not.

- Why don't you focus on fixing the damage the rumors caused

instead of just focusing on the rumors themselves?

- You're right. I know just what to do.

- What? - C'mon I wouldn't tell anyone!

Unless of course it was so good that I...

Look, I'm kidding! I'm kidding!

- Edwin! Why is everyone at school asking me to do "the robot"?

- Cuz they think you have a bionic leg.

- And why would they think that? - 'Cuz I told them you did.

- Why? - 'Cuz I had a nice chat with Casey about rumors,

so I decided to start one of my own.

- Ah! I don't believe it!

- You heard about my bionic leg? - Yeah, Emily's mom blabbed.

But what I really don't believe is Zack's Ziti Hut is booked

for Valentine's Day! It's the last restaurant

in the phone book! I'm in trouble!

- You're not the only one.

You are so annoying!

- Hey! Ice cream?

- What, did you drop my toothbrush in the toilet again?

- No. I just figured you could use some cheering up

what with all the rumors and... the break-up.

- Score! Ha! Ha!

Hey! You win some, you lose some.

Unlike girls, guys don't need to eat ice cream

and listen to angry chick rock to move on.

- So, wait... You were gonna break up with Kendra?

- Nope. - But you weren't surprised Kendra broke up with you?

- Ah, absolutely not. - Okay, what did you do?

- Okay, this doesn't leave the room.

I spread a rumor saying I wanted to break up with Kendra,

so she would break up with me first.

I call it the pre-pre-emptive strike.

- And you did this for what I can only assume would be a terrible reason?

- To avoid buying her a Valentine's Day gift.

- I don't believe it!

Only you would come up with an idea that... twisted.

- Actually, Dad did it all the time in high school.

- What? He better have matured since then!

And you better get back together with Kendra.

- I will. After Valentine's Day. - But by then it might be too late!

Kendra retaliated to your pre-pre-emptive strike

by post-pre-emptive striking on Max!

- Uh? - Kendra asked Max to the dance.

- What? - Yeah. - No, no!

See, that wasn't part of the plan.

Kendra was supposed to be heartbroken for a couple of days

and then take me back with open arms.

- Oh, look at this! - Thanks for the advice, Dad.

- You're welcome. Hey! Check it out!

I found it! The perfect Valentine's Day gift for Nora. Ha! Ha! Ha!

- A blender? - Yeah, yeah!

Because it represents the blending of our two families.

- A symbolic appliance? - No good?

- Not unless you want your first Valentine's Day with Nora to be your last.

- And don't you dare break up with her!

- Oh!

- Is the dance cancelled?

- I wish! 'Cuz I'm the only one going by myself!

- Oh, so wrong.

You are going to have the hottest date there.

- I thought Max was going with Kendra.

- Um!

- Oh! Well as long as we're going together for the right reasons.

- To make Kendra and Sheldon jealous.

- Sounds right to me. - Then it's settled.

- Well, not exactly.

See, as a school president I'm supposed to help find chaperones for the dance.

Know any adults willing to cancel their Valentine's Day plans?

- Actually, I do.

- Derek, you were supposed to ask Kendra!

- Oh, but aren't you happy that your best friend has a date to the dance?

- I guess so, but... now I'm the only one flying solo.

- Not anymore. I'm here to let you ask me to the dance.

[Laughing]

- Oh, that's rich!

Good one!

- Sheldon, um... you know that's sweet, but uh... I can't because...

I have to, um... I have to... wash my hair.

- Yeah, it is looking a little greasy.

- But don't you think it's the least you can do

after breaking me and Em up? I'm not used to being alone.

This whole process is very... difficult... for me.

It's not every day a guy gets his heart broken.

- Fine, Sheldon. Yes, I will go to the dance with you.

- So you are going with Sheldon?

- N... no! I... I wasn't.

Why should you care who I go to the dance with when you're going with Kendra?

- Casey, you know the only reason I'm going with her

is because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

- But it's okay to hurt mine? - No. It isn't.

[Dance music]

- Ah, asking me to a school dance. How sweet are you?

- Very.

- And it was really sweet of you to cancel your big plans

for Valentine's Day so we could chaperone the school dance.

- Anything for the children.

- Um.

- Who's that guy dancing with Casey?

- Oh, that's Sheldon. According to Emily's mom,

when Kendra and Derek broke up,

Kendra asked Max to the dance,

so instead of going solo, Casey said she'd go with Sheldon.

- Kendra and Derek broke up? - Yeah.

- I hope it didn't have anything to do with a pre-emptive strike.

- Who told you? - Oh, also Emily's mom.

- Ah. - She's quite the gossip. - Yeah, I know.

[Slow dance music]

- Oh, Sheldon, um... I'd love to!

But, uh... I can't because my step-dad doesn't allow

slow dancing before marriage.

- Look if you're embarrassed

to dance with me, I understand, that's fine.

- Come on.

- She looks beautiful, doesn't she?

- Yeah, she does.

- I'm having a great time. - What does she see in that goof?

- Do you think Sheldon really likes Casey?

- I have a way we can find out.

- Hands off my woman!

- I'm not your woman! I'm your ex-woman!

And you're dancing with my rumor-starting ex-best friend.

- No, I'm not! - It's true, he's not!

And, just so you know, he talked about you the whole time.

- Yeah! And Casey didn't mean to start that rumor!

It was all just one big giant mistake!

- Really? - Really.

I'm so sorry I'll never tell Kendra anything again, she...

just, she blew it out-- - Yeah, yeah! We're all sorry.

That's wonderful. Emily, my Little Squirrel,

will you take me back?

- Yes, I will.

As long as you promise never to call me little squirrel again.

- You started a rumor about breaking up with me

so I'd break up with you so that you wouldn't have to buy me a Valentine's Day gift?

- Casey!

Ah, sugar muffin! You can't believe everything you hear!

- Ah, yeah you can! So, what do you have to say for yourself?

- I really like you, but... I hate shopping.

Am I forgiven?

- Not without a really nice store-bought gift.

- Okay.

Do you have a blender?

- Hey. - Hey.

- [Both]: I'm sorry...

- Ha! - Ha! For yelling at you in the hall.

- And I'm sorry for agreeing to go with Kendra.

And believing all those Sheldon rumors.

And that one about the fire alarm?

- Max! Do you promise to

never listen to stupid rumors again?

- What about the one that you like me?

- Well...

that one's true.

[Dance music]

- Why did you tell everyone at school I have a colony of foot warts?

- To teach you a lesson.

It's not nice to spread rumors about people.

- Oh! Well, uh... thanks. - Thanks?

- Yeah! I'm excused from gym until my feet heal!

I can't believe how gullible people are.

I even spread a rumor at the high school and everyone believed it.

- That rumor didn't have anything to do with me

pulling a fire alarm at my last school and getting expelled, did it?

- Yeah. - But you've changed since then.

You're a kinder, gentler Casey now, right?

- Guess again.

Closed Captioning by SETTE inc.

- So, I heard you broke out...

- He's making lovey-dovey faces at me.

[Laughing]

- I mean...

[Laughing]

- ♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

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