Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- Look at all those cute couples being all

cutesy and couple-ee. Even Derek has a girlfriend!

Makes me wanna puke!

- Jealous much?

- Yes, very much!

Why aren't we the ones making people sick with our boyfriends?

Is there something wrong with us, Em?

- Nothing's wrong with us. We rock!

- Well if we rock, then why don't we have rocking plans this weekend?

- Actually, I do have plans... both nights.

- Really? What, do you have a secret boyfriend?

- [Sheldon]: Guess who?

It's Sheldon Shlepper. My new boyfriend.

- Very funny, Em.

- She's not joking! - I didn't want to tell you until it was official,

but you're the first to know!

- Wow! That's... great?

So, why did this happen? I mean, how did this happen?

- She finally came to her senses... realized what a great catch I am.

- No, I decided to give you a chance.

- Well, great decision. Later ladies.

- Okay, I know he's Sheldon, but once you get past

the dorky stuff, he's really sweet.

- No need to explain, Em. I get it.

- You get why I like him?

- No, but I'll try. What I get is that I'm all-alone in a couples' world.

[Bell ringing]

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

Just cause Derek and Emily and everyone in the world

is paired up, doesn't mean I'm panicking.

I'll meet someone when I'm ready.

[Clock ticking] [Ding!] - Ready!

- I'm getting married.

- To your monkey?

- No, Sir Monks-a-lot is bridesmaid.

I'm getting married to Dimmy!

- Congratulations, Dimmy!

- Thanks, but I'm not ready for this.

- I am! Come on! We have a wedding to plan.

[Phone ringing]

- Hello?

Yeah, he's here.

Edwin! Phone!

It's your girlfriend.

- Hey good looking, what's cooking?

Oh, your Mom's making meatloaf, alright!

- You hungry?

- Yeah, but hurry back, boyfriend.

- Okay. - Hey Case!

- Hi Ken... dra.

- Aw, look at you sitting here alone reading.

Is something wrong with the TV?

- Sorry Kendra. I couldn't get to the fridge.

Nora and my dad were making out in front of it. Not pretty.

- What's the big deal. They're married.

- PDA not AOK.

- PDA? - Public Display of Affection.

And Derek hates it. Right, Derry?

- Almost as much as I hate being called Derry.

- Hey Kendra. - Hi.

- Hey... Case, any chance you could baby-sit Saturday night?

- Don't tell me you have a date too?

- Yep. And guess who the lucky guy is?

- Um... you Dad?

- Yeah, yeah. I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

- Oh, you guys are the cutest couple ever!

- Next to us of course.

- Yeah I'll baby-sit.

Glad you could join us Kendra... again.

What's that 3, 4 nights in a row?

- 5, actually.

It's just so fun for an only child like me to hang with big fun family like this!

- I want it! - Edwin, gimme the mashed potatoes

or you'll get mashed potatoes in your ear!

- Hey Lizzie, you might want to wipe your nose.

You got a bat in the cave! And you're so gullible. - Hum!

Hey! Edwin! Lizzie! - Stop that, right now.

- Knock it off, Lizzie! - Yesterday it was squash on the nose,

today mashed potatoes in the ear... this family rocks.

- For anyone who's missed my wedding, it's okay.

There's gonna be another one tomorrow.

- Marti, I could just eat you right up.

- What?!

So, Casey, how does it feel?

Marti's already married and you can't get a date.

- Still single, huh Casey?

- I'm taking a break between boyfriends.

- Weeks, months or years?

- Derek! - No, no! I know how you feel.

In grade 4 I went 2weeks without a boyfriend and, uh...

it was a really lonely time.

- Well I'm okay with it. Who needs a guy anyway?

- [Guys]: You.

- Hey! Let me set you up!

- No that's okay, really.

- No, it is the least I can do.

I mean since I'm dating your stepbrother, we're practically family!

[Chocking]

- Alright, give me a big, dateable smile.

- What are you doing?

- Taking a picture for your matchmaking profile.

So, what are you looking for in a guy?

- Hum...I don't know a...

sense of humour? Sense of style?

Good manners, good looks, really smart.

Kind of like an Adam Brody/Ryan Gosling/Prince William combo.

- I'm a matchmaker not a miracle worker.

- Okay, ah, fine, then just a guy--

- Great! That I can do. Alright, next step

in the boyfriend profile: research.

- About what? - You!

- Casey would want someone organized, someone tidy.

I'm forgetting something... Oh yeah! Someone who doesn't forget things!

- Someone who's rich and can buy her stuff.

And stuff for her family!

- Somebody who doesn't burp. Or toot!

- Casey needs a guy who is serious, but makes her laugh,

who can climb mountains, but likes to hang out and read.

Who is full of ideas, but always listens.

Hi!

- Uh...

Whatever Nora said?

- The perfect match for Casey would be a total freak.

- Derek, your family was no help

so I need you to take this seriously.

- Okay, let me think. Um...

Casey's really different,

so she wouldn't want to date anybody normal.

- Derry... - Seriously!

Casey rejects the average, so she'd wanna go out with,

ah... someone unusual... intense, a little off beat.

- Are you sure? - Positive.

- You know, that's... that's actually really helpful.

- So, ah...

do I...

get a reward.

- Ah... Finished your homework, Derek or too many, um...

distractions?

I'd say just the perfect amount of distractions.

- Then I would say it's time for Kendra to go home.

- Spoken like a good, old-fashioned dad.

- Spoken like a hip dad who wants his son to pass the year.

- I should go. I'll call you later. Night, George.

- Night, Kendra. - Dad!

Seriously, were you ever a teenager?

- Yeah!

How do you think I timed the foot in door thing so well?

- [Guy]: There she is. Ask her!

- Hey there! Looking good. He! He!

- Something weird is going on here, Em.

- [Guy]: Check it! Yo, whassup? - What's your problem?

- Actually it's your problem. Here, Sheldon gave this to me.

- "Help Wanted. A guy for Casey McDonald.

All applicants considered. Experience not necessary!"

- Let me guess... Derek did this.

- Not this time.

What is this?

- I know, aren't they great?

The school secretary let me photocopy them for free.

She's a romantic like us.

- Romantic? Thanks to you, the entire school

thinks I'm single and desperate!

- Um, rewind! The entire school thinks you're available.

- This says all applicants considered." I thought you did research!

- This is part of the research.

Interested applicants will contact me,

then I'll cross reference those results with my research.

- I guess that would be okay. Then what?

- Then you'll pick from the finalists I pick.

- How? When? Where?

- A party, here, Saturday night? Why?

- So Casey can meet a guy! - Do you know me at all?

- Derek, come on, it'll be fun.

- Even if that were true, after my last party got out of hand,

my dad banned me from gatherings until I am 60.

- But this is different. This is for Casey!

- You're right! This is different.

[Laughing]

- You want to have a party?

- Not a party!

A small gathering in support of a local charity.

- What local charity? - Casey.

[Laughing] - Come on, Dad.

Kendra's got all these guys that wanna meet Casey,

so we need a casual social situation

where Casey can check out these losers or "candidates".

- Nice try Derek, but no.

- George, Kendra went to all this trouble

and if having a party would help Casey meet the finalists...

- He got to you first didn't he!

- Maybe. He can be very convincing.

- Fine. A small gathering. When?

Saturday night. You guys'll be out anyway

and I'll arrange child care for the 3 little problems.

How's that sound? - Too good to be true.

- Hum-hum.

- I don't wanna sleepover at Charlotte's.

She'll talk all night. - Then wear earplugs.

- I don't want to go to Felix's. He snores and his feet smell.

- Okay, then you'll have something in common.

Alright, Nora's waiting in the car, she'll drop you off.

- Why can't we stay? I'm a party animal!

- I know! Sorry, Smarti. - Ah!

- Out kids! - [Lizzie]: Ah... Not fair! - [Edwin]: Derek!

- You're a meanie-weenie!

- Hey, Henry! So, I'm having this huge, a...

hugely small gathering this evening for Casey? Cool! Bye.

- Now I get it!

This night's not about me, it's an excuse for you to have a party!

- Not at all! I just invited a couple friends,

you know, take the pressure off you,

so the night can be relaxed and casual.

- You're wearing that?

On the biggest night of your life!

- That's it! You have to cancel this party!

- No, come on! I was really looking forward to it!

- Ha! Very funny, dad.

Ah, so when are you leaving for your date with Nora?

- Next Saturday. There is no way

I'm letting you have a party without adult supervision.

- What? No, you can't do this to me.

I mean Casey!

You are going to make her feel uncomfortable.

- Too late! I can't do this!

It's too much pressure! The party's off!

- Dinner and a movie on me! Just... stay in your room.

- But we don't have a DVD player in our room.

- Okay, then you watch it in my room.

Just don't go through my stuff! And don't come downstairs.

- Unless there's a problem.

- Yeah, sure: fire, pestilence, plague...

- Okay, that does it! No, we're staying right here.

- No, Derek we have a deal as long as the following terms are met:

nothing in the punch except fruit and juice,

nothing and nobody gets broken and the bedrooms?

Strictly off limits.

- Okay, I accept your terms.

Now, you guys have fun with your dinner and movie and bye-bye.

- "Walker Wars: A Retirement Home Romp".

This movie's for old people! - Come on Gramps.

- I think I'm going to be sick.

- Casey, you have to take a few risks to meet the right guy.

Just like I took a chance on Sheldon.

- You're dating Sheldon? - Yeah! And so what if he's not the coolest,

or if he says inappropriate things.

- Do you know Emily's had a crush on you for 10 years?

- You sure I'm supposed to know that?

- Ah, she won't mind! She didn't get you,

but she got the next best thing, right?

- Right. [Laughing]

- It's a cool party.

- It hasn't started yet. - I knew that.

Yeah, I did.

- That's it! This movie is terrible.

I've never felt so old in my life.

- The walker-racing scene was kind of funny.

- Come on, Nora, Derek sent us to his room

so we wouldn't wreck his party.

- You were a teenager, remember?

I mean, how you would feel if your parents supervised a party?

- My parents were total squares. I mean, we're... we're cool!

- Yeah, but- - And I am not middle-aged, alright

I'm only 39 and 18 months.

And if there is a party in our house, then we are invited!

- George, should we really...? - It is time to crash a party.

- Can I help you?

- Yeah, just, getting some popcorn.

- And I'm gonna help him carry it.

- Ah, you're violating the terms of our agreement.

- Let this be a lesson son.

Always get something in writing.

- How's it going, big guy? - Hey there.

- Alright, you've got 5 minutes and that's it!

- Just coming through. How are ya'?

- Yeah, shake it, Shlepper!

- That's how you shake it, Shlepper!

- Where is Casey? Bachelor number 1 is here.

And, um... we'll find someone for you later, okay?

- [Nora]: But it sounds like he's just not that into you.

And you deserve someone who totally is!

- You know, you're the only one cool enough

to tell me the truth! You're awesome!

- Your popcorn's only as good as your toppings.

Now, allow me to demonstrate my custom combo:

cheese powder, chilli powder... garlic powder.

Now try that. Go ahead.

- Mmm! Sweet!

- You wait'll I add the chocolate syrup.

[Laughing]

- Casey, come here!

Casey, this is Philip. Philip, Casey.

- It's an honour.

- Um, hi Philip. Please have a seat.

- So Philip, do you have any hobbies?

- Yes. I am a Russian literatureaficionado.

I'm currently reading Tolstoy'sAnna Karenina.

- Impressive. - In Russian.

- Very impressive.

Tell me about your past relationships.

- I have no past relationships.

I'm saving myself for the perfect woman.

And "methinks" I've found her.

- "Youthinks" that?

Oooh. Um...

it was really nice meeting you Philip.

- We'll let you know, okay?

-Do svidanja...

- So? He's well read, romantic...

No?

Okay, just wait until you meet Bachelor Number 2.

Casey, meet Anatole.

- Hi Ana... tole... Um, so, why did you want to meet me?

- Because I sense you're a thoughtful and open-minded person.

- Oh, why thank you! Open-minded about what?

- About the visitors. - From other countries?

- From other planets. - Oh! Um!

- Ah, Pops. I think it's time for your warm milk.

- No. - Wait, D, looks like your dad wants to break dance.

- Yeah, yeah! I just... I always wanted to like spin on my head.

- Yeah. I know how ya feel.

- Hey, look, Pops, I can show ya' some moves.

Dude, check this out.

- That, that I like that.

It's like...

Oh yeah. - Yeah, way to... way to 'pop', pops.

- You know what? Call me G-Vent.

- G-Vent? Yeah, yeah.

It's short for George Venturi, G-Vent. That's... that's cool, uh?

It's cool. Derek, Derek. You gotta check this out.

Come on bro. Check it out.

Right on.

Look at that! Look at that! That is cool, huh?

- I don't know what cool is anymore.

- Yeah!

- Yeah, that. Yeah.

- Casey, where are you going? Number 3 is very promising.

- This is Craig. - Hey Craig.

- That picture on the flyer does not do you justice.

- Oh, well. Thank-you. - Must be an awkward night for you...

having to meet all these guys like this?

- Actually, it is.

- So... you wanna go somewhere and swap spit?

Maybe play a little tonsil hockey?

- Ha! Ha!

Alright, ah...

Keep the tongue in the mouth there, Craig.

Oh, Casey wait! You haven't met 4 and 5!

- Kendra, I'm sorry, but if these freaks are the only guys

interested in me then I'd rather be single. Forever.

- Could this party be any lamer?

Whoa! Marti? [Laughing] What are you doing here?

- I felt sick so Dimmy's Mom brought me home.

But I feel much better now so it's time toPAR-TAY!

- Yes, yes... It can be much lamer.

- Come on Casey, don't get discouraged!

- Ah, look, Kendra, thanks for trying to set me up,

but I think I'm gonna try to find someone the old-fashioned way.

- Online?

- No, something a little more... natural.

And whenever it happens, it happens.

- But, I just don't understand.

I thought you would really like those guys.

- Why? - Because Derek said you like guys who are different.

Off the beaten track. Unique.

- And you believed him?

- Was that a bad idea?

That was a bad idea.

- Actually, Derek was right.

And since Derek was nice enough to share secrets about me,

perhaps you'd like to learn some about him?

- Totally. - Well you know how Derek

says he hates Public Displays of Affection? - Yeah.

- It's all an act. He's testing you.

Derek wants to see if his girlfriend likes him enough to show the world.

- Really. - Yup.

- Isn't this fun?

- Fun? A party featuring my parents and my baby sister?

Not quite the bash I had in mind.

- Well, I think I know how to cheer you up.

- What are you doing?

- Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Wahoo!

[All cheering]

[Knocking]

[Door opens]

- Ha! Sorry, I thought this was the bathroom.

- Um, you don't still think that do you?

- No. Uh, I'm Max and you must be Casey.

I saw the flyers.

Is that why you're here?

No, I'm a friend of a friend of Derek's.

I meet girls the old-fashioned way:

barging into rooms I think are the bathroom.

Which reminds me...

- Oh, um... right across the hall.

Not that it's my business, but um...

meet anyone interesting tonight?

- Actually, I... I think I might have.

- Really? Well, I gotta go... So to speak.

[Sighing]

- Nice to meet you... Max.

Okay! Yo, yo, yo!

Check it out, check it out! This is G-Vent's signature move.

- Go G-Vent! - Huh? What do you think?

- Totally off the hook!

- Totally! Hey Derek, can I get your email list?

I promised your peeps I'd keep in touch.

- Oh, yeah and Derek? You gotta let us know when's the nextpar-tay?

- Forget it! I cannot have my friends thinking you're cool!

It's just weird!

So find your own crew. Please!

- So now we're too cool for you and your friends?

- Wait a sec... You did this on purpose.

- We might have amped up the... cool-parent factor a little.

- So let me get this straight:

I had the worst time ever at my... I mean...

Casey's, party because you 2 were acting cool?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, bro! We are cool.

- Okay, that's it! We are never having a party here again.

Ever!

- Aw! - Oh, please Derek!

- Oh, come on! - Oh, forget that Dad! Show me the G-Vent move again.

- I wanna dance! I wanna dance! - Yeah, let's dance!

- Do it Casey! Do it Marti!

Go Mom!

- Whoa!

Whoa!

- Action! - Oh!

- I shouldn't have done that. - No, that was great!

- I saw that! - Do I look crazy online?

Close captioning by SETTE inc.

- ♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪E

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0