Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- Marti, school starts in half an hour!

You gotta get dressed! - No! Disappear!

- C'mon, you can choose your own clothes. I've got two pairs of pants,

three shirts, and look - there's a lovely little skirt...

- That skirt's ugly! - I think it's really cute.

- Disappear, bumhead. - Thanks for trying, Lizzie.

Marti's not very good in the morning -- really not much better at night.

- How do I look? - Am too!

- That's very cool. - Hhh! I'm changing.

- Ah, hey Casey -- do you have any clean bras?

- Ugh! No bra-talk while I'm eating please!

- I'm sorry, Edwin. I need to borrow a... sock.

- Uh, mom I don't think my 'sock' would fit your 'feet'.

- Nora, if you need any socks, listen -- I gotta whole drawer full of them.

Marti, listen! You cannot go to school in your pajamas,

okay? So either you pick something out--

- No! - Or I pick something up!

- Unhand me, you brute.

[ Shouting ]

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

Children need guidance.

Otherwise they turn into monsters who do and say whatever they want.

And I'm not talking about Marti.

- You know it's not Halloween, right?

- Fashion criticism, from you? Now I know I look okay.

- Hm.

- Okay, here we go.

And I'm just going to take the big comb. Thank you! Thank you.

- Ow! You're hurting my hair!

- Almost ready?

- Um, Nora, did you go to the dry cleaners?

- Uh, no. You were supposed to. - Right.

- Oh, ah - and don't forget to pick the stuff up by Saturday

because you'll need a clean shirt for Stratford.

- Stratford? Saturday?

- Shakespeare. Play.

- Right, right.

I love the theatre! - And you called

Mrs. Higgenbotham to watch the kids Saturday, right?

- Right! But she can't do it

because she's getting her bunions done.

- What's wrong with her onions?

- What should we do? - Here it comes...

- Ah, Casey, would you mind?

- I'm sorry, Mom. Emily and I are going shopping on Saturday.

What about Marti's blood brother?

- I have a bloody brother! - Can't. Busy.

- Responsible teenage daughter and irresponsible

teenage son. Who will be

pressured to baby-sit? - I'm sure

Emily would understand if you cancelled.

- Bingo. Mom, that's not fair!

- Well, you never minded baby-sitting Lizzie.

And you're so good at it.

- Okay Lizzie: get changed, brush your teeth,

pick up the felt pens you were drawing with in front of the TV

and get your clothes out for tomorrow.

I'll check over your homework. Okay? Go!

Doesn't Derek baby-sit?

- Um... Kinda.

- Okay Ed, here's the list: I want you to do my laundry, get me a sandwich and go to bed.

- What, no foot rub? - Oh! Good idea! Do that first.

- Casey, will you at least think about it?

It could be fun to spend some bonding time with Marti...

- Fun? - Okay, Marti... We have to go!

If we're late one more time, the teacher's going to give me a detention.

- I want my purple pony! - Nah, I'm sorry... No, so... horsey has

to stay in the stable. - I want my purple pony!

- Bye everyone! - I want my purple pony!

- No you don't, Marti! - Yes I do.

- Pony doesn't like school, Marti. - I have to have it now!

- So, Casey, will you baby-sit?

- No, I won't.

- Take that as a maybe.

- Okay, where's Marti's purple pony?

- Mom considers herself a feminist? It's totally sexist!

Parents are such hypocrites.

- We... she didn't make you do it, right?

- No, but she's making me feel guilty about not doing it.

- Okay, um...

let me understand here. I me... I mean... Do, do you like baby-sitting?

- Of course. I love it.

- And you're good at it, right? - Yes, I took a course.

I've been babysitting for years. - Okay, so

help me out here. What's the issue?

- The issue is that just because I happen to like and be good at baby-sitting

doesn't mean I should be expected to do it just because I'm a girl.

- Okay, um.

Casey, it sounds to me that this isn't

a girl versus guy thing --

this is a Casey versus Derek thing.

- You're right! Derek's testing me.

He figures, girl in the house, great.

I don't have to baby-sit again... ever.

Well he can forget it! I don't care

how desperate my parents are... I will not sit!

- Could you sit down, please?

- Um, I-I meant baby-sit. - Oh!

Oh. Oh, then... stand.

Unless of course you wanna sit down.

- It's like Derek thinks the whole world revolves around him!

- Yeah, it does.

I mean, that's so unfair!

Hey, look! A new girl. - Someone newer than me?

- Yeah, she's quite a babe. I wonder how long before Derek hits on her?

- Please, you're just as pretty. And I don't care

what Derek does and I don't think you should, either.

- I don't. Oh come on!

That was barely ten seconds!

- Need a hand? - It's okay. You're, ah,

Sandra, right? - How did you know?

- 'Cause I'm Derek and when stuff happens around here... I know about it.

- Smooth... So you're the welcoming committee?

- Yeah, something like that.

I mean, you're going to like it here --

great food, great hockey team -

and not just 'cause I'm the captain.

- Sorry. I'm not big on sports.

And I'm late for English. See ya'.

- I, ah, I don't think the, ah, the chicken's cooked.

- It's not chicken, it's tofu. I followed Nora's recipe.

- Toad food?

- Uh, um... Is it supposed to jiggle?

- Yes and it's very healthy.

- For people? - We used to love tofu at our old house.

I can't remember why.

- So can we deep fry it with bacon?

- No. - Where's Marti?

- Meow. Meow.

- You let her eat under there?

- No, no. Marti, please come out and eat like a person.

Play kitty after dinner. [ Hissing ]

Marti! [ Hissing ]

Uh, uh... Fine. [ Going on hissing ]

Eat under the table. But this is the last time.

[ Chomping sound ]

- So, Derek. I saw you strike out with the new girl today.

Oh, but it's probably for the best. Em and I talked to her

and she's totally not your type -- she's really nice.

- First of all -- didn't strike out.

And second of all, she totally is my type:

hot! - Please.

She's an environmentalist vegetarian who volunteers with kids.

You're a toxic waste carnivore who torments kids.

You just like her 'cause she's got a big chest.

- Oh, you know, I, I didn't notice her chest.

Now, her breasts on the other hand...

- Derek! - Okay, you know what?

Bras at breakfast, breasts at dinner?

Let's try to keep it clean, people!

- Well, it doesn't matter. She's not into you. I can tell.

- Oh, what's wrong?

You afraid you gonna lose a new little friend?

- It's not a contest. I just think you should leave the poor girl alone.

- Casey, have you given any more thought to baby-sitting Marti on Saturday?

- Actually, I have. And I think it's wrong that I am being

pressured to look after Marti just because I'm a girl--

- We'll pay you Mrs. Higgenbotham's rate: twelve bucks an hour.

- But I'd be happy to do it.

- Twelve bucks an hour?

- Marti, my feet are wet! Did you spill milk or something?

- It's not milk.

- Aaah!

- Who's that?

- Oh, that's my little sister Marti. She's a great kid.

- She's adorable. - She did the funniest thing last night.

She pretended she was a cat and ate under the table.

I'm sorry - you really don't wanna hear about this.

- No, I love little kids.

- Really? Me too!

- I'm gonna volunteer at a daycare centre this summer.

- That is a great way to spend a summer.

You know, I'm baby-sitting Marti Saturday

and you're welcome to stop by for lunch if you want.

I-I'm sure she'd like to meet you. I could whip up some veggie dogs.

- You're a vegetarian?

- Kind of goes with my environmental interests.

So what do you think? - I dunno.

I've got to study for that geography thing.

- Yeah, me too. I mean, I was gonna do that after baby-sitting.

I mean, that's what I usually do on Saturdays.

But, I mean, I understand if you want to study alone.

- Actually, I'm alone enough being the new girl.

- Oh! So, then, see ya' Saturday?

- I'm looking forward to it.

[ Bell ringing ]

- Me too.

Hey. You're off the hook for Saturday. I'll baby-sit Marti.

- I'm baby-sitting Marti on Saturday, not you!

- Whoa relax - I'm just trying to be sympathetic to the plight of women.

- What? - Well, you said it was sexist

being forced to baby-sit, so now you don't have to.

- No, you heard the job pays twelve bucks an hour.

What's the problem, all tapped out at Edwin's piggybank?

Well forget it, it's my gig.

- No, it's my gig.

- Ahhh...

- Oh, Derek emailed me at work to say, ah,

he's going to baby-sit on Saturday.

So, Casey doesn't have to after all.

- Really? 'Cuz Casey called me at work and said

that Derek wanted to take the job from her,

so I told her it had already been decided she would do it.

- Oh. Well, well, since Casey didn't want to do it in the first place,

maybe we should let Derek do it this time.

- Or since Casey already said she would do it, he could do it next time.

- But Derek's showing signs of responsibility.

That's unusual for him, so shouldn't we encourage this?

- Yes, but Casey already accepted and we know she's responsible

so shouldn't she keep the job?

- Ah... I don't know.

- Time's almost up! - This hardly seems

like a mature way to make a decision.

- But it's an entertaining way.

- Are you in your P-J's yet? - [Marti]: No.

- Do you want help? - No!

- Marti, I'm counting to five and then you have to come out.

One, two, three, four...

four and a half... four and three quarters...

four and four quarters!

- Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!

- Marti, if you're not changed in two minutes, you're getting a time out.

- So? I want a time out. Bring it on, sister!

- [Derek]: Ten minutes!

Time's up!

- How'd it go?

- I don't want to put on pajamas and I don't want to go to bed!

- So, ah, this babysitting course you took -- you passed right?

- This is ridiculous! I can't believe I agreed to this stupid competition.

- Well, you did and now it's my turn.

Start the timer. - Ready?

Set? Go! - Hey Smarti!

Better get changed or I'm going to eat you!

[ Marti screaming ] Rrraaah!

[ Marti screaming ]

[ Marti laughing ] - Whoo-hoo!

- Ta-daa! - Well, I think we have a clear winner.

- Wait! Did Marti brush her teeth? Wash her face? Brush her hair?

- No, why would she? She's going to bed, not on a date.

- This is nuts! - George.

This is... this is nuts.

- You're right. Derek... - Dad,

you're always telling me to take on more family responsibility.

- But I'm already responsible! I don't have to prove anything!

- Maybe you could split the job?

- [Together]: No! - I'll choose.

- Marti, you don't get to choose.

- Yes I do and I pick Derek! He's more fun!

- Ha! Ha! - Whoo-hoo!

- Okay. You get what you want... again.

- Whoo! [ Laughing ]

- Hey... Does this hat work?

- Why wouldn't it? - [Whispering]: It's Casey's.

- Mom, please ask before you borrow my stuff!

- Sorry! - Shouldn't you guys have left like half an hour ago?

I mean, Stratford's a drive and you don't want to miss the play.

- We don't? - Derek, we'll be back after dinner.

Has anyone given Marti lunch?

- I'm on it. You kids have fun.

- Okay then. Bye-bye. - Bye. - Bye.

Finally. Edwin, get Marti some lunch.

- But you're my baby sister!

- Baby-sitter -- and Edwin's the chef.

- And, uh... how much does the chef make?

- Absolutely nothing.

- Because you're planning to use the money to pay me back what you borrowed?

- Of course. So when a certain person arrives,

you're going to take Marti upstairs

and keep her happy, okay? - Why can't Lizzie?

- Because I hooked Lizzie up with Sam's little sister for a play date.

- You did? - Yeah! Didn't you know?

When I'm not baby-sitting I actually run a play-dating service.

Aren't you, ah, going to the mall with Emily?

- Um, why are you rushing me out?

- Ah, I'm not rushing you--

[ Doorbell ] I'll get it!

- Um, no, I'll get it.

- Casey? - Sandra? - Sandra!

- Derek? Is Casey your girlfriend?

- [Together]: No! - I'm his new stepsister. What are you doing here?

- Baby-sitting with Derek.

- So it's not about the money at all.

I get it. - Get what?

- Oh, well, Casey's just going shopping.

- Actually I'm in no hurry... No hurry at all.

- Hi. - Who's this handsome young man?

- This handsome young man is Edwin.

- And this... is Marti.

- Hi, Marti. - You're pretty! - Thank you, sweetie.

- And you do have big you-know-whats!

- Oh, sorry 'bout that. Ah!

- I'm hungry. - Edwin'll make you some lunch.

- But I want you to.

- Okay.

- Piggyback!

- Right. Told you she was cute.

Okay. - Giddy up horsey!

Giddy up! - He's such a great big brother.

- Ah... and a great performer!

- [Derek]: Casey, can you help me a minute?

- So, ah, you like computers?

- ♪ A sandwich... for me! ♪

So hurry up, please!

- Okay! You need to go!

- Oh, but you said you wanted my help.

- Shopping. Go shopping.

- What and miss your baby-sitting act?

No way!

- My sandwich!

- Your baby-sitter will make you a new one.

And, uh, don't worry about Sandra.

We'll keep her entertained.

- And this is me when I was two.

- And who's that? Do you have another sister?

- No, that's Derek when he was seven. He hated getting his hair cut.

- You were very pretty.

- [Marti]: This is from when I fell off the swing.

- Aw! And what about that one?

- Derek dropped me. - He what?

- No, she's joking. - Here, this is the biggest scab

I ever got.

- Marti! - Here, I wouldn't

want to break it. [ Doorbell ]

- That's probably Emily. Come in.

- Great, more people.

- Sandra? What are you doing here?

- Ah, she's baby-sitting with Derek. Remember how I was going to?

- You were going to baby-sit? - No, I-I always baby-sit Marti.

- No, you don't! - I don't get it.

- Well, there's nothing to get. I mean, they're leaving and, uh, we're baby-sitting.

- Or, you could come shopping with us? - Great idea. It'll be fun.

- But we were supposed to study and eat veggie dogs.

- Derek doesn't study or eat veggie dogs!

- Derek, did you use your little sister as bait to get me over here?

- I would not do that.

- You know what? Shopping sounds great.

- Uh... I'll come too. I could carry your bags!

You won't even know I'm there. - Bye, Derek.

- Have fun!

Marti, you are definitely

the worst wingman ever!

- Can we play beauty salon now?

- No. Now, now is nap time. - Now!

- Ah, Smarti!

[ Marti screaming ]

- All done!

- Great! Now it's nap time.

- No, now the princess gets dressed for the ball!

- Smarti, no... - Smerek, yes!

- No! - Yes!

- No! - Yes!!!

- Finally. So that's what they mean

by 'shop till you drop'.

- [Marti]: Do-do-do-do! Princess Schmerek --

time to dance at the ball!

- Marti, dancing was not part of the deal!

- Derek? - Derek?

- Uhh... - Dude, you are an ugly woman!

- You're wearing my clothes... again.

Wait, those really are my clothes.

- Sandra, I-I can explain-- - You don't have to.

- Yeah, no I do. You see

Marti here... - Really, I get it - you don't.

- No, you don't get it.

- No, I do.

You really are a wonderful big brother.

- He is? - Yeah, I guess I am!

- I love Princess Schmerek.

- Ah, thanks... Both of you.

Hey, uh... you think

maybe you'd like to go get something to eat?

I-I can change...

- I'd like that. - Are you taking Marti?

- Uh...

Case, can I talk to you for a sec?

- Anything for a pretty lady.

- Casey, could you watch Marti for a couple of hours?

- Aren't you forgetting something?

- Fine. Can you please watch Marti for a couple of hours?

- I was talking about my fee. Split the baby-sitting money: fifty, fifty?

- Oh come on, I've been baby-sitting for like six hours!

- But I'm taking the night shift...

Which actually means my rates are higher!

Sixty me, forty you.

- That's not fair!

- Sorry Der, but you can't always win. So, deal?

- I'm feeling generous.

Just one sec!

- I-I don't believe it!

You're gonna go out with... her?

I mean, I carried your bags all day!

- And I really appreciate it.

- So maybe, when I'm older...?

- Maybe. - Dude, you are

a lucky lady. Ah!...

- Later, Ed.

- Don't the chicken fingers look good?

- Chickens have fingers?

- Oh, they're not real fingers. They're just shaped like fingers.

Edwin, dinner's ready! - I'm not hungry!

- Okay, looks like it's just dinner for two.

- I want marshmallows!

- Well, Marti, I already made the chicken. And marshmallows aren't dinner.

- Derek would let me.

- Oh, he would, would he? - Yup.

- Well, would Derek let you

do this?! [ Upbeat music ]

- Whoo! [ Marti laughing ]

Whoo!

[ Door opening ]

- Why, hello there, Derek. How was the baby-sitting?

- Ah, good. And, ah, how was the play?

- Oh it was great. And this is...

- I'm... really embarrassed.

I'm gonna go now.

- I-I-I'll walk you.

[Whispering]: Don't wait up.

- Was he wearing my necklace?

Closed captioning: Technicolor, Creative Services - Montreal

[ Laughing ]

[ Hissing ] Rrraaah!

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0