Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- Stepbrother alert. Are you and Derek still pretending

you don't know each other? - He hasn't said a word to me at

school since I started two weeks ago, which is fine with me.

- Who's the new girl? - I don't know.

- She's cute. - You're blind.

Nice outfit, who died? - Uh, nobody.

Whoa!

[ Thud ]

[ Laughter ]

- Nice one, Klutzilla.

- ♪ It used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ Well this is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marty and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

- My life has gone seriously downhill since I got

Derek for a stepbrother.

Hmmph, actually you could say it's taken a total nosedive.

Kinda like I did when my stepbrother insulted me.

It's like he's some cosmic curse sent to trip me up.

- Oh, mercy.

- I'm not sure what was the most humiliating part:

How I looked, how everyone was looking at me,

or the fact that I had my head on Cory Plunkett's butt.

- Anytime you want to get up. - Sorry.

- Where's my retainer?

- Uh, Freida, could you just shift over a little?

- Sorry, was I in your way, Klutzilla?

- At least everyone knows the new girl now.

- Yeah, as the human snowball.

- But you're okay, right? I mean, we can go to the nurse.

- Not unless she has a cure for terminal embarrassment.

- [Student]: Hey, rough landing but good form in the air.

[ Laughter ]

- [Student]: Nice one.

- Ha! Ha! Ha!

♪♪♪ - Come in.

[ Turns music off ]

- Dinner's ready, I think George cooked.

- I didn't know George cooked.

- Me neither. I'm a little scared.

- Well, I'm not hungry anyway.

- Are you okay?

- Not really.

- You don't feel like you have a fever.

- I wish I did. I wish the pain of the loss

of dignity manifested itself into a raging fever.

- Maybe you do have a fever.

- I think I'll write some poetry.

- Does that mean you're not eating?

- Yes.

- Okay, good luck with your writing.

- Good luck with George's cooking.

- I'll need it.

- This looks... uh...

good. - It looks disgusting.

Dad, since when do you cook?

- We're a family, and a family that eats together...

- Barfs together? - Remember last year

when I barfed? It had yellow chunks in it.

- Indeed I do. That was the day we bought the station wagon.

A whole new meaning to new car smell. [ Laughter ]

- It reeked. - Yeah.

- Casey says she doesn't feel like eating.

- Yeah, I hear that. - Uh-huh.

- She seems really upset.

- Is she being emotional? - Again?

- What's wrong with being emotional?

- Nothing at all. Guys, listen.

Now that you have two new sisters you're going to have be more sensitive.

Girls are often quite emotional;

it's perfectly normal, especially at Casey's age.

[ Laughter ] - George, that's just stupid.

I mean, maybe something happened at school today.

- She didn't tell you about the incident?

- What incident? - What incident?

- She wiped out on the stairs on her way to class.

- Ha! Ha! - Oh, that's terrible.

- No, it was funny. I mean she tripped, knocked over a bunch of people.

I mean, think bowling and Casey's the ball.

- I think I heard about that.

Eight kids at high school fell down six flights of stairs

and two kids broke their noses, and another kid's in traction.

- That was Casey? - No one broke anything.

Of course I didn't ask Corey Plunkett about his butt.

[ Laughter ] - You are such a massive jerk, Derek.

The whole reason this happened is because of you.

- Oh, it's my fault you can't walk and talk at the same time?

- You insulted me when I was going down the stairs

and then I fell. Now I'm the laughing stock

of the school and you think that's funny?!

- [Both]: Emotional.

- Hey, whatcha doing?

- Looking for other high schools in the area.

Do you have to be Jewish to go to a Hebrew school?

- Come on, Case. It didn't sound so bad.

Okay, it sounded bad

but I'm sure everyone will have forgotten about it by tomorrow.

- Or for the next four years I'll be known as Klutzilla.

- Oh, honey. I promise you, one day

you are going to look back on this and you are going to laugh.

Like the time in grade eight I necked with Lawrence Larson

at this party and our braces got caught. Ha! Ha!

- I have a geography teacher named Mr. Larson,

whose first name is Lawrence.

- Oh, I'm sure it's a different Lawrence Larson.

Who now that I think of it became a teacher.

Anyway, the point is it wasn't a big deal.

Okay, so everyone called us lockjaws for a while,

you know, when I look back on it now, I laugh. Ha! Ha!

- So then you won't mind if I ask Mr. Larson if he remembers you?

- No! No, no! Absolutely not, promise me, promise me you won't.

- Don't you want to laugh about the good old days?

- Well, you know, he might not find the memory as funny as I do.

- I can't believe you necked with Mr. Larson.

- Well. - He has a comb-over.

- A comb-over? - Yeah.

- He didn't in grade eight. Ha! He was a hottie.

- Really? - Yeah! [ Laughter ]

[ School bell ]

- Casey, you don't have to hide. I'm sure nobody will remember you fell.

- [P.A. System]: Good morning, students. Yesterday one of our students fell

down the stairs. To ensure this

doesn't happen again I'll be issuing a stair-safe

clothing memo reminding you all to watch your feet,

wear stair-safe clothing and abstain from standing during peak stair time.

- At least he didn't mention your name.

- [P.A. System]: And I'm happy to report that Casey MacDonald

of Room 20 was not harmed in the incident.

[ Laughter ] We're all glad you're okay, Casey.

- Uh, I'm... I'll see you in class, okay?

- Here. - What is it?

- It's a summons. My dad's friend's a lawyer.

I'm suing you for pain and suffering resulting from blunt posterior trauma.

- You mean a bruised butt?! - Call it whatever you want, Klutzilla.

See you in court. - Oh!

- Watch out, watch out, she's coming.

- Please, Klutzilla, don't crush us.

- Ha! Ha! Burn.

- Ah. - All right, Paul.

Let's hear it. - Uh, hear what?

- Your most embarrassing life moment that'll

make my Klutzilla story seem less tragic.

- Ha! Ha! Klutzilla. I heard that announcement.

You must be upset. - Upset?

No! Mortified, yes.

- Uh... well... I know it's hard to believe, but look it's

all just going to blow over. - No it won't.

Kids live for stuff like this. It's like they lurk around

the stairs waiting for someone to fall on Corey Plunkett's butt

so they can tease the person who fell forever!

- Sticks and stones, right? - Hmmph!

- Wrong. Please have a seat.

- Paul, I don't handle teasing very well

and I'm getting teased a lot

and unless you want to see me cry, you better make

me laugh with a humiliating story right now.

- Uh... okay... don't... don't cry... uh...

Okay, it was junior high gym class,

I was climbing the rope about 20 feet up in the air

and I...

I looked down and see my shorts on the ground.

- No.

- Yes.

- Oh! - Did that help?

- Ha! Ha! A lot! Thanks.

Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha!

- Okay, you can... you can... you can go now.

- Okay. - Okay.

[ Laughter ]

- Oh!

- Hi, Casey. How was your day?

- A bit better, kiddo. Thanks.

- [Derek]: Now presenting... - What?

- Klutzilla, The Revenge of the Stairs starring Casey MacDonald.

- Derek! - No, no, no talking,

Klutzilla, this is a silent film.

Now, in our first shot we see the innocent bystander walking

down the stairs and as he encounters the dreaded

Klutzilla, their eyes meet and

he falls. - Ow! Oh! Urg!

- Oh no! Aw.

Oh! Oh! - That's it!

- Oh no! Oh no! Klutzilla's getting up.

- Oh no! - Derek!

- She's going to fall on us all! - Cut it out!

- Run for your lives! - Give me the camera now! - Oh, ho, ho!

- She's brave, I've got to give her that.

- How long will Derek keep bugging her?

- For something this good, forever.

- Poor Casey.

[ Loud music ] - Casey, turn the music down.

- [Casey]: Exercising makes me feel better about my stupid life.

- Well, can you watch Marty while I'm shopping for dinner?

She's downstairs doing arts and crafts in the kitchen.

♪♪♪ - Okay, as soon as I finish working out.

- I'm out of paint.

- Aw, check your face.

- You want a drink?

Klutzilla, who let you in my house?

- I live here, unfortunately.

- I thought you said you didn't know her.

- Ah, I forget. Klutzilla, Sam.

Sam, Klutzilla.

- Hi. - Hi, I'm Casey, Derek's stepsister.

- You have a stepsister?

- Yeah, it was a recent accident by marriage.

- That was some fall yesterday.

- Oh yeah, I know. - You okay?

- I'm totally fine. I don't know what happened.

I'm not usually like that, I got distracted by some lame comments.

- All right, that was a quality insult. - Anyway,

it was nice meeting you. I'd shake your hand but I'm...

- Sweaty and gross? - Oh, Derek you are such a...

oh!

- Ha! Ha! Ha!

- Klutzilla broke my house!

I worked on it all day!

[ Crying ]

- Classic. - Totally. Ha! Ha!

[ Knock, knock ] - Lizzie, if that's you go away,

unless you have food. I'm starving.

- Hi.

So...

- So.

- How are things?

- Things are bad, George, very bad.

- Right, the fall. - Oh.

- Both of them. Did I ever tell you uh...

about my car accident story, because it's pretty funny.

- Car accident stories usually are?

- It was about four years ago.

I was just driving to a work party,

it was raining and I hit a patch of mud just outside my boss' house.

I swerved, ran right into his new convertible.

- Ha! You're right, that is funny.

- And then instead of backing up I went forward,

I rammed two other cars. - Ha! What happened?

- Everyone was pretty nice about it, but I knew what they were thinking:

What a dork. And my co-workers, the all

called me George Clueless, you know, after George Clooney only meaner.

And then after a year they shortened it to just Clueless.

- A year? If that story was supposed to make me feel better then...

- I know, I know, but the point is they did stop, eventually.

Except for Derek still bugs me about it. I really hate it when he does that.

- Admit it, George. Your son gets a twisted pleasure from other people's suffering.

- I know he can be a pain in the butt, but

come on down for dinner, all right?

And whatever he says to bug you, just don't react

and I'll run interference. Okay?

- I guess.

[ Crash ]

- Nora... This is great. You should teach me how to make this.

- No you shouldn't. - Casey, I've been thinking about your falling and

well, it might be an inner ear balance thing,

but we should probably just hide all the breakables in the house just in case, right?

- Derek, it's over, uh-huh, quit milking it.

- Dad, ixnay on the ilkmay. You heard about artymay's oxbay.

- All right, that's enough.

- It's okay, George. I'm fine.

- What's a oxbay?

- It's pig Latin, honey.

- Pigs speak Latin?

- Ask Derek.

- You know, Casey, you shouldn't feel bad.

Everybody expresses their feelings in their own way.

I make jokes; Edwin passes gas, and you...

[ Burp ] ...you wipe out. - Derek, muzzle!

- And don't sweat the whole falling in a box in front of Sam

thing, he won't tell anybody at school. Of course, I might.

- Derek! - Oh!

- Casey! - Marty! Hey!

- Edwin! - Everyone enough! [ Arguing ]

- Oh! - Klutzilla returns. - Whoa.

- Come on, your mom's cooking isn't that bad.

- Derek, you are a cruel, insensitive jerk!

- Oh, Casey.

- Lizzie. You know, Derek, I have to agree.

You just take things too far.

- Sorry, dad. Was I being clueless? Ha! Ha!

Oh! - Oh!

- Don't... even think of it.

Sorry, Nora.

[ Door creaking open ]

- Wha...!?

- My sister needs to go to school tomorrow,

but she's afraid everyone's going to make fun of her.

- She's probably right.

- Tell your brother to lay off.

He's making it worse, a lot worse.

- Are you nuts? Tell him yourself. I dare you.

[ Knock at door ]

- Hey.

- How are you doing?

- Good. What's up?

- It's Casey.

Do you think maybe you could stop being mean to her?

- I really don't see that happening.

- But she actually needs your help.

- She what?

- Well, you're cool right?

Maybe you could get the other kids at school to leave her alone.

- Well, even if I could help which I wouldn't,

she wouldn't accept my help, which I'm not offering.

- But you have to!

- You're new here,

so I'll forgive you for talking to me like that.

- You don't have to forgive me, just help Casey.

- Why do you care so much?

- Well, she's my sister.

- Is that all you got? Sorry, kid.

- She's your sister too.

[ Knock at door ]

- If that's George or Nora or Lizzie or Marty, please go away.

[ Knock at door ]

What? - You forgot me.

Oh, Edwin, but that happens a lot.

- What do you want? - Well, I want to help you fix your rep at school.

- Why do you care?

- Well, I mean it's bound to get out that you're

my stepsister and I mean, if you look bad, I look bad.

- Touching, but you're the one who caused my problem in the first place,

so forgive me when I say get out!

[ Knock at door ]

Ooh! What?!

- You think I caused your problem?

I think you're massively uncoordinated.

- You want proof that this is your fault?

Fine.

Incident number one: Our paths cross

at school you insult me, I trip.

Incident number two:

I'm in kitchen, you insult me, I fall into box,

and that brings us to tonight.

Incident number three:

you taunt me, I dump dinner onto floor.

- Wait a minute, I just had a horrible thought.

There's another common element in all of these situations.

Another person. - Who?

- You don't like Sam, do you?

- What? No, I don't even know him.

- He was with me that day at school.

And he was with me when you fell in the box.

- Besides, he wasn't even there for incident number three.

- No, no, not in person, but think again.

And don't sweat the whole falling in a box in front of

Sam thing, he won't tell anybody at school, of course I might.

- You are so wrong.

Like I would ever "like" like one of your friends.

- Well, I think you do,

so you better get over it for the sake of your personal safety

and of those around you. For the record,

don't crush on my friends.

- Frieda, I'm sorry I fell on you, but you got your retainer back, right?

- I sure did. Thanks for asking, Klutzilla.

- Emily, right? - Uh-huh.

- Why aren't you hanging out with your new friend?

- You mean Casey? I was just going to her locker.

- And her locker's right over there, right?

- Right.

Come on, let's go to class. - Okay.

- Hey, Casey. I know your favourite season. Fall.

[ Laughter ] - It's okay, Em.

You don't have to join me on my walk of shame.

- I want to. I'm your friend.

- Aw, you're awesome, Em.

- What? One lawsuit isn't enough, huh?

- Butt out, Corey.

- You leave my butt out of this.

- It's okay, Em. Corey, I showed that summons to my lawyer,

aka my step dad and he gave me some legal advice.

- Alert the stair monitors, Klutzilla's back with a vengeance!

- Corey, walk with me.

So, how's the injury

- Well, it hurts when I sit.

- Yeah? Well, I need you to do me a favour.

- Sure, man, what is it?

- Cut Casey some slack.

- Why?

- Cause she's my stepsister.

- No. - Yes. Afraid so.

- Well, don't sweat it man. I won't tell anyone.

- No, no, that's cool. Tell everyone, okay?

- Swizzle.

- What are you doing? - If this teasing's ever

going to end, I've got to end it myself.

- How? - I've written this speech.

- "I know that deep down you're all decent people...

Decent people?" Casey, these are high school kids.

- I can reach them. I know I can.

- It's just not a good idea, Casey.

- People in this school need to know that teasing hurts.

- Casey, no! You have to get out of the spotlight, not walk back into it.

- Thanks, Em, but my decision's made. I have to do this.

All right everyone listen up. I have something to say.

- Derek, you have to stop Casey.

She's going to make a speech asking people to be nice.

- No. - Yes. - Well, I can't stop her.

She won't listen to me. - What's up?

- Gather around don't be shy.

- Well, somebody's got to stop Case

from making a fool of herself, again.

And that would be you.

She's going to make a speech to the entire student body.

- I'm all over it...

- Yeah, I know that deep down you're all decent people and you probably don't realize how...

- Hi, Casey. What's up?

- I'm making an announcement.

- Don't bother. Here, I'll walk you to class.

- Okay, thanks.

Never mind.

- Do you think they're together?

- That's Derek's sister. Yeah.

[ Sigh ] - She's saved.

[ School bell ]

- Thanks for walking me, and for stopping me from making that speech.

- It's cool.

So, I'll see you around.

- See ya.

- Klutzilla.

- Hey, this is actually good. Who made this?

- Me. - It's delicious. And the crust...

who knew potato chips could taste better? [ Marty laughs ]

- And I've got to say, it's not totally awful.

Well done Casserole Casey.

- Casserole Casey. I like that.

- I want a nickname. - You can be Marty the Munchkin.

- And you can be Derek the Snort.

[ Laughter ] - No, Marty, it's got to have a "d" in it.

Like Derek the Doorknob. - Or Derek the Devil.

- Ha, ha! [ Laughter ]

- Come on, I'm waiting.

- Nah, you know what? I think I've heard enough name-calling.

- You got nothing. - You're right, but your friend

Sam mentioned one, from when you had really long hair in grade seven.

- Can you pass the butter?

- Sure thing, Derika.

[ Laughter ]

- [Kids]: Derika! Derika!

Derika! Derika! Derika!

Closed captioning: Technicolor, Creative Services - Montreal

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0