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1
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,720
I didn't know women
had such a vocabulary.
2
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,240
It certainly upset everyone on the
team and in the audience,
3
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:13,640
who needed to hear it.
4
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:17,360
- Forgiveness. In my defense...
- I don't want to hear that.
5
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:21,240
I don't want to hear another word
from your gutter mouth.
6
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:25,760
You have
demonstrated an unacceptable level of moral depravity.
7
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,600
They single-handedly
destroyed everything...
8
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,080
TVC POLICIES
9
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,760
...what this station stands for.
10
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,920
As of today, you are
relieved of your duties.
11
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,880
Oh no!
12
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,400
So who's starring in
"Jim and Barbara"?
13
00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,080
Clive Richardson will
continue to play Jim.
14
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,760
- I'm sorry, what?
- He wasn't using the foul expression.
15
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,040
But he committed the evil deed.
16
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,960
We informed the press
17
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:57,080
that you are unable to work due to illness
and are absent for this reason.
18
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,760
your transmitter ID.
19
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,160
You find your way out on your own.
20
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,240
I need a
three martini lunch now
21
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,480
to digest this horror.
22
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,360
- Patsy?
- Yes, darling?
23
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,720
please dr Woodcock for
a special sick note.
24
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,280
- I'll do it.
- Nothing fatal.
25
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:48,800
Roger.
26
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,400
The press must never know about it.
27
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,960
This is just a stopgap.
28
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,280
What am I supposed to live on now?
29
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:57,880
Der "Carry On"- Film...
30
00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:58,680
Der "Carry On"- Film...
31
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,920
- Oh yeah.
- It's off the table.
32
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:05,360
They
cast a bubbly little blonde named Barbara Windsor.
33
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:09,400
You can't
work anyway, you're contagious.
34
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,720
Orthorubulavirus?
35
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,120
Roger.
36
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,320
Thank you very much Dr. Woodcock.
37
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,400
In order. Speak to you soon.
38
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,000
- What do I have?
- mumps.
39
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,880
Great, now I can
run around like a hamster.
40
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,840
You're quarantined
and you're not going anywhere.
41
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,760
dear let me
help you where will you go
42
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:42,000
- Probably just going home.
- Go in disguise.
43
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,840
- Yes, I'm going in disguise.
- As what?
44
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,200
As a woman who
has been shitted on the head from a great height.
45
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,720
So as a brunette.
46
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:08,160
George, remember? Len
Phillips of the Evening Gazette.
47
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,160
Do you know when she
'll be back on TV?
48
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,480
Sorry, Mr. Phillips,
Len... I don't know anything yet.
49
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,720
She's pretty upset
by this Orthoro...
50
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,480
Mumps! She has mumps!
51
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,120
Her face is like a
bowling ball. Terrible.
52
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:27,200
Get well soon from us. We're
sorry about her and Clive.
53
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,800
All right, goodbye.
54
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:49,880
Morning.
55
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,280
It's like
wearing wet pants.
56
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,000
You have to hold out
until it dries up.
57
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,080
You should have considered the consequences
58
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,680
before swearing in front of her boss.
59
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,400
I knew her dirty mouth
was going to get her in trouble!
60
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,320
I'm sorry I
disappointed you.
61
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,960
Not me. You have been provoked.
62
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,880
I don't want to say anything, I'm
just saying that she should have chosen Aiden.
63
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,200
Listen, I miss you,
little one. Heads up.
64
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,680
Ying tong middle I po.
65
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,120
Ying tong middle I po.
66
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,680
This is bloody ridiculous!
67
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,280
I get it. Are
we all seven years old?
68
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,920
We have a show to air this week
.
69
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,480
We once had a show
70
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:21,040
but thanks to Clive and his
super dork we don't have Sophie.
71
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,480
We have to keep going
as best we can.
72
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,040
No, Bill is right.
Clive screwed it up.
73
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,120
We keep our private lives out.
74
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,760
- Why not him?
- He is sexually incontinent.
75
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:35,440
We had a smash hit
and Clive had to cum on it.
76
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,800
And you even had Sophie
Straw. She is a goddess.
77
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,280
Don't tell me about relationships!
78
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,320
If Ted Sargent knew what
Bill was up to...
79
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,480
Leave Bill alone.
80
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,480
Oh, says the sexually confused man who
can't get his wife pregnant.
81
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,760
Try fucking, Tony.
82
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:54,680
- Shut up, Clive.
- Was that a secret?
83
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,480
- Bill, what did you tell me?
- Nothing at all.
84
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,200
You know Bill's loose tongue
when he's stuffed.
85
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,280
- Tony... Tony!
- Lick me.
86
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,720
- Do not listen to him!
- I trusted you!
87
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,440
Stop it, it's useless!
88
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:12,520
Peacemaker Dennis heals everything
but the dark hole in his marriage.
89
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,360
Calm down, Bill. Don't fall
on Dennis.
90
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,640
Thanks, but I stand my ground.
91
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,960
Then why can't you see
that Edith is making a fool of you?
92
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,000
I'm just saying what
the whole house already knows.
93
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,840
She fucks Vernon Whit...bait.
94
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:31,880
War es Whitbait? Vernon...
95
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,520
- Whitpig.
- Dennis...
96
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,880
Whitshire, Whichable...
Whit... Whitstable?
97
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,800
Vernon, I dunno... Vernon Whitfuck?
98
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,080
- Vernon...
- His name is Whitfield.
99
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,360
Not in the face!
100
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,000
Did you try
to punch me?
101
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:54,080
- Yes, and I'll try again.
- No, stop it!
102
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,680
You jerk. Without me
you would be nobody!
103
00:07:56,760 --> 00:08:00,480
You couldn't play
if your life depended on it!
104
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,800
What shoud that?
105
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,240
Stop it! That is ridiculous.
106
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,760
Ridiculous?
107
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,400
You are ridiculous!
108
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,600
Great god!
109
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,080
Bill, put the knife down!
110
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,280
Little asshole.
111
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,240
you killed him
112
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,360
The?
113
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,200
Dennis...
114
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,600
Also...
115
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,400
Who would you rather be?
116
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,640
Sandy?
117
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,160
Or Cilla?
118
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,360
You can't
stay in there for weeks. With that you can get out.
119
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,440
Do I look good with this?
120
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,840
- Like a medieval monk.
- This is my favorite look.
121
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,480
I feel so stupid.
122
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,800
Couldn't I keep my mouth shut?
123
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,760
No, couldn't Clive
let his zip fly?
124
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:45,160
My women's group has a
technical term for such men.
125
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,320
- Oh yes?
- assholes.
126
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:52,520
And the dismissal is unfair.
Contact the union.
127
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,480
Mary is right. Why did
n't Dennis help you?
128
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,440
Andrew O'Shea would have helped me.
129
00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:00,960
He knew nothing about it. Ted
called me in alone.
130
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,200
You go back to Ted Sargent
and ask for your job back.
131
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:07,880
You look into his eyes...
132
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,160
And you picture
him shitting a big pile.
133
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:16,440
- Believe me, this really works.
- That's correct.
134
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:20,640
But I'm banned from the house and
no longer have a station ID.
135
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,480
I can't even get in there.
136
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,760
Sender ID, please.
137
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,040
We do not know each other. Which show?
138
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,520
"Top of the Pops", ist doch klar.
139
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,080
- Bigger than I thought.
- Who?
140
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,400
Sandie Shaw.
141
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:09,080
Wait a minute, "Top of the Pops" is
filmed in Manchester.
142
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,440
Sophie, wait a minute.
143
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,720
Dennis! what happened to
your face
144
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,480
- What do you want here?
- Do the job again for me.
145
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,920
The dismissal was unfair.
146
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,360
And I'll
tell Ted Sargent what I think.
147
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,120
That's the wrong way.
148
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,840
- And what is this?
- The wig?
149
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,720
- Dennis.
- Oh, Eunice.
150
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,800
Can I help you?
151
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:49,840
I just wanted to let Ted know
that everything is under control.
152
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,000
Well then.
153
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,400
Come on darling
154
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,240
Hey there!
155
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,520
- What do I do now?
- I don't know.
156
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:13,960
Soph?
157
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:18,240
I'll leave you alone for five minutes
and you'll become the Bash Street Kids.
158
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,680
And you to Nana Mouskouri in the wind tunnel.
159
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,320
I'm so sorry
I ruined everything.
160
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,400
- Clive was a jerk.
- If only it had stayed that way...
161
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:27,800
What do we do now?
162
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,800
Try not to attract attention.
At least not at the moment.
163
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,440
I'm talking to Ted. You
come back to the show.
164
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,720
Promised.
165
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,240
Dennis, I...
166
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,040
Who is this?
167
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,960
Soph.
168
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:50,360
Hey! There she is!
169
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,280
- Away from here.
- Just!
170
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:56,400
- Us too, Bill, let's go.
- Why are we running away?
171
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,120
That way, friends.
172
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,560
Diane, do I have spinach
in my teeth?
173
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,400
- Just a little.
- Thanks.
174
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,880
Is someone missing
an important clipboard here?
175
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,040
The record manager maybe.
176
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,040
Or the audience editors?
I like reading them too much.
177
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,800
Some requests are
outrageous. What is written there?
178
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,840
"As a seasoned gardener
, I am indignant
179
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,040
that your reporter does not refer to tomatoes
as fruit."
180
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,400
Glad that's settled.
181
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,080
I have to agree with this.
182
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:41,520
"Andrew O'Shea's garish ties
are reminiscent of puke."
183
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,880
Hey, my ties are fancy.
184
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,120
"Take this woman off the
TV and you won't find any...
185
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,000
decent white people?"
186
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,080
Don't leave something like that here.
187
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:56,480
Everyone from the set, please.
Recording running in 5, 4...
188
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,320
Marjorie, is that true?
189
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,960
She's no longer on the show?
190
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,720
- She's just sick.
- What does she have?
191
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,760
An STD?
192
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,440
How did you come up with that?
193
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:17,600
Clive Richardson is a Casanova.
I would like to get something from him.
194
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,840
A friend of a friend
knows someone who knows Clive.
195
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:25,920
And the truth is that
Sophie Straw got fired.
196
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,480
COMIC DEVELOPMENT IN COMEDIAN
197
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,760
Oops. My hand slipped.
198
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,960
Every day you read these
newspapers and gossip about them
199
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,960
how hot you find the men
200
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,120
and what sluts
all the women in it are.
201
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:46,240
Ca n't you be nice to other women ?
202
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,360
Sophie Straw is my
friend and you know her.
203
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,960
- She is a person with feelings.
- Excuse me.
204
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,000
I didn't know you were a lesbian.
205
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,160
Hoppla.
206
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,640
My hand slipped.
207
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:57,200
Now there's lighter fare
from our reporter Diane.
208
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,360
Thank you Andrew
209
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:02,440
Given the weather, I was
looking for the perfect umbrella.
210
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,800
Not as easy
as one would think.
211
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,880
Umbrellas are available from formperfect
212
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,520
up to...
213
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,520
ridiculous.
214
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,200
He would look good on you.
215
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,240
Splendid.
216
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,160
There you are.
217
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,200
Beautiful.
218
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,360
Oh my goodness.
219
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,000
Here it is again
. What are you doing here?
220
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,360
My women's group is coming.
221
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,800
- Excuse me.
- I already have it.
222
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:45,560
- I'm going to the bedroom.
- You do not have to go.
223
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,760
- I think so.
- She's welcome to join.
224
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,200
- Really?
- Yes. do you have a hand mirror
225
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,520
- Would a powder compact also work?
- Perfect.
226
00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,720
do we make up?
227
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,080
We make friends with our pussies.
228
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,800
come here everyone
229
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,520
I didn't know how
busy it was down there.
230
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,640
- Mine even winked at me.
- Mine resembles David Niven.
231
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,160
So then, quiet please.
232
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,800
who wants to start
233
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,120
Marge?
234
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,840
No, do you want...
235
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,960
I finally left my husband.
236
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,840
- And therefore also my children.
- My goodness.
237
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,920
I love my kids but...
238
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,160
Becoming a mother was
n't my choice.
239
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,200
He's not a bad man, just...
240
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,360
It was all just so wrong.
241
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:58,800
It made me sick.
242
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:04,520
The pain of
leaving my children is...
243
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,040
enormous.
244
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,560
I've been called heartless
245
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,280
slovenly,
246
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,880
Scum.
247
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,680
But I had to get out of there, because otherwise...
248
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,400
Otherwise these children would have
no mother at all.
249
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:32,240
Maternity is considered compulsory,
paternity voluntary.
250
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,360
- That's only too true.
- We're not judging you.
251
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:50,120
How is Barbara?
Just take good care of her.
252
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,560
- She's a diamond.
- Yes, indeed.
253
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,320
- Get well soon from me, yes?
- I'll tell her.
254
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,680
I'm sick of
being given the responsibility
255
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,720
for the welfare of a
fictional character.
256
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,680
The boundaries are a bit blurred there.
257
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:09,920
Bugger me.
258
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,880
Is this episode called
"Morgue Party"?
259
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,360
"Visit from Bombay".
260
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,360
It would be nice. That would
bring life to the place.
261
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,120
Barbara is traveling
and Jim is having tea
262
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,440
for his counterpart from Bombay.
263
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:26,800
- Was that your idea, Den?
- No, a suggestion from Ted Sargent.
264
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,120
That means we have no choice.
265
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,400
And who plays Jim's
Indian counterpart?
266
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,640
Please not some guy
with shoe polish on his face.
267
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,520
No way, we
're not a minstrel show.
268
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,360
- I have my eye on someone suitable.
- Nice.
269
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,240
I...
270
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,200
I should...
271
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,560
Okay, no, I should...
272
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,560
Lately I have...
273
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,840
I guess I have a little...
274
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,680
Are you choking up a furball,
or are you apologizing?
275
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,120
Yes, exactly that.
276
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,000
I mean the latter.
277
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,920
I'm sorry.
278
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:19,800
Well, none of us have
particularly covered ourselves in fame.
279
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:29,840
Schön.
280
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,360
Gut.
281
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:40,640
And...
282
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,160
Here.
283
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,600
- Good.
- Nice.
284
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,160
- Here.
- Thanks, Tony.
285
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,760
Friends?
286
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,280
This is Harinder Singh.
287
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,400
- Hello. Tony Holmes.
- I'm pleased.
288
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:11,080
- Bill Gardiner.
- And you know Clive Richardson?
289
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,560
- "Who's in charge here?"
- Very good.
290
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:15,960
point for you.
291
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,640
Please take space.
292
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,360
- Thanks for coming.
- Very much.
293
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,840
Do you have
any questions about your role first?
294
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,200
- No, it's self-explanatory.
- Good.
295
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,800
But I have a question.
296
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,600
I've always wanted...
What's under the hat?
297
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,240
What's under yours?
298
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,360
- But I don't wear a hat.
- Me neither.
299
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,080
All right.
300
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:48,000
Well, let's go through the scene then .
301
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:52,720
Let's start. You
come through the door, yes?
302
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,520
Without script.
303
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,080
Harinder, you're coming
from the other side.
304
00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,760
Thanks.
305
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,080
All right.
306
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,320
Hello! I'm Jim!
307
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,640
Have a good trip?
308
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,000
Yes, I have bon voyage.
309
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,440
But I don't have hearing impairment.
310
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,240
Come in.
311
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,520
May I take off my shoes?
312
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,800
Dear Dad, to distract me today,
313
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,000
I watched a fly lay eggs
314
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:35,880
and then when racing against
two raindrops on the window pane.
315
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:39,440
I keep thinking about
what I'm missing.
316
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:46,440
Dennis tells me to be patient,
he's getting me back on the show.
317
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,320
But not even Dennis
can work miracles.
318
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,160
Mary Whitehouse worries
319
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,880
for the moral backbone and
well-being of this country!
320
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,080
Please write to me again soon.
321
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,920
If I sound desperate,
it's only because I am.
322
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,840
Ying tong middle I po.
323
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:11,280
Vernon's cocktail parties are legendary.
324
00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:15,920
His thoughts on Wittgenstein
are incredibly exciting.
325
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,680
You hardly said a word.
326
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,680
Why should I come with you?
327
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,880
Everyone wanted the producer
328
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:32,400
of the highly amusing show
"Jim and Barbara".
329
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:36,120
I'm sorry if you
were expecting a Norman Wisdom.
330
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,000
did you want me to see you
331
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,600
What do you think?
332
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,120
Edith, I saw you with Vernon.
333
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:57,440
You have n't kissed me seriously in years .
334
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:03,040
If I
've been negligent in any way...
335
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:04,480
"Careless"?
336
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,760
Jeez, that sounds like you're
drafting a legal deed!
337
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,960
Be angry, yell at me!
Where is the passion?
338
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,160
Alright!
339
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:16,240
You're my woman. I love you.
340
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,000
But you're not
in love with me anymore.
341
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,200
Or?
342
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,840
The break was too long, Dennis.
343
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,880
Are you in love with Vernon?
344
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,400
Yes, I am indeed.
345
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,680
And he's madly in love with me.
346
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:45,720
And when we fuck,
he makes me feel like I'm...
347
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,280
Aphrodite.
348
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,160
There she is! Soph!
349
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,160
- Soph, come down!
- We go out!
350
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,160
I'm here to save her.
351
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,560
- Come down!
- We won't move until you come!
352
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,520
Come on, you two.
353
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,720
Heck, I wanted to
go to bed early this morning.
354
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:03,880
My grandma too.
355
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,360
- Dennis says not to attract attention.
- Here you are well hidden.
356
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,600
Are we going to spend the
night in Smaug's cave?
357
00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:16,600
- Hello.
- Welcome to the Munch.
358
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,560
- Have fun.
- Thanks.
359
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,880
This is Charlie.
360
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,880
Frankie?
361
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,240
What is this?
362
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,200
Drink is good for you.
363
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,440
- Dumbass.
- Dumbass.
364
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:03,840
Tony!
365
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:08,400
No, I really can't
dance. I'm just embarrassing myself.
366
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,200
Just shake your butt.
367
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,120
I really miss her.
368
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,880
Tony? Tony? Tony!
369
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,360
Tony!
370
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,160
Just let it melt.
371
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,960
I
finally got it with Bill, but...
372
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,800
- Well done, Sherlock.
- But with you?
373
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,200
what about june
374
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,480
are you going to tell her?
375
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:15,360
Soph...
376
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,120
Es war Junes Idea.
377
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,240
I'm sorry, what?
378
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,880
She wanted me to try
379
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,400
to find out
380
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,680
Once and for all, she said.
381
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,080
She must love you more than anything.
382
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,000
And I love her more than anything.
383
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,360
We just can't do it...
384
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:42,800
Do you understand?
385
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:49,120
And do you have?
386
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,000
Figured it out?
387
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,440
I've found
that I like both.
388
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,240
I don't even know what that is.
389
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,000
Crap.
390
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,160
Somehow...
391
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,560
I envy Bill.
392
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,040
It's not easy for him in life
393
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,360
but for that it is clear.
394
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,040
Who says
it has to be clear?
395
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,680
What's between you and June
is nobody's business.
396
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,080
Do what you want.
397
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,800
I'm not as brave as you, Sophie.
398
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,440
me, brave?
399
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,560
I'm just cheating myself.
400
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:43,840
And I have no idea
how to proceed now.
401
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,120
How far are we with the
script? Tomorrow Frank
402
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:52,160
Without Sophie, it's difficult
to get the momentum right.
403
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,360
But the guys are working hard
on a temporary solution.
404
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,400
- I hope so.
- We were lucky with the cast.
405
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,360
- For Guneet, the politician?
- Yes.
406
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:07,560
Our man has very good
timing. A true discovery.
407
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,600
Indeed he is.
408
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,560
- You know Harinder Singh?
- Whom?
409
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,720
Spike Milligan was supposed to.
410
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:19,120
Spike is a star, certainly
neither affordable nor available.
411
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,760
Then I'll call his
agent personally.
412
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:23,320
It's not just that.
413
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:28,200
It would be more authentic and fun
to take Harinder for the role.
414
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,160
Spike pulls
off a delicious act as a Pakistani.
415
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,000
But our role is an Indian.
416
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:36,160
Spike was born in India
, he can do it.
417
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:39,800
Harinder Singh is very funny.
I want to give him the role.
418
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:47,680
If you would like me to
consider reinstating Sophie Straw,
419
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,640
Spike will appear in the role.
420
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,200
Think about it.
421
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,720
Be careful with the
prone twist, darling.
422
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,840
This woman really seems to
think she is Barbara's mother.
423
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:14,720
someone would have to tell her
424
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,960
that Barbara is entirely made up.
425
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,000
No, Barbara is her real name.
426
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,840
You invented Sophie Straw, darling.
427
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:25,040
You're right.
428
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:29,800
How exciting. i feel
like dr. Frankenstein.
429
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,280
We should show Sophie the letter.
430
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,600
No, I very much doubt
431
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:38,040
that she
can handle such a distraction at the moment.
432
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,920
Throw it in the trash
bin.
433
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:42,720
I'll do it.
434
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,320
Now also at the
darned back door.
435
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,200
I told you she's not here!
436
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:14,320
- Here you go.
- Dad, I'm impressed.
437
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,720
You are exactly right.
438
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:20,160
Cooking is fun for me.
439
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,760
The yolk is nice and
soft, just how you like it.
440
00:35:30,240 --> 00:35:32,000
tell me are you crying
441
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:35,760
TV Barbara does
n't like soft-boiled eggs.
442
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:39,800
That's why everyone thinks I
don't like them either.
443
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:44,600
And I'm crying because you know
how I like eggs best.
444
00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:47,480
Come here.
445
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:50,560
It's good.
446
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:57,400
- What is she doing here?
- This is your home, Marie.
447
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,320
She's only here until
the clouds clear.
448
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,720
She's sitting here in perfect health,
although she's supposedly ill?
449
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:08,320
The press will find out.
They knock on the door day and night.
450
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,480
- Do you know how it is?
- Only too well.
451
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,520
It's your own fault, you wanted it that way.
452
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:17,400
You had a
fiancé and a future in Blackpool, but no...
453
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:19,400
you wanted more.
454
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:21,080
Just like your mother.
455
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,800
- Marie!
- Take my side.
456
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,160
- We're on your side.
- On your side?
457
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:31,240
I've been glued to your side all your life
.
458
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,400
- Now stop it, Marie.
- Nothing there, brother!
459
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:35,960
you spoiled her
460
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,960
You
put a bunch of nonsense in her head.
461
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,960
She has no idea what
sacrifices I had to make.
462
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,480
I could never
start a family of my own
463
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:48,000
because I always
had them under my belt.
464
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,800
And then there was this brief moment
465
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:55,400
where I thought
maybe it was worth it
466
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,280
but far from it.
467
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,160
Bang!
468
00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:01,640
She had to destroy everything.
469
00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:03,160
Stop.
470
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,760
And where's my soft-boiled egg?
471
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:12,640
Harinder spares us a
white man as a laughable caricature.
472
00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:16,360
- That's a small triumph.
- A bloody huge triumph.
473
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,400
That is really good.
474
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:20,000
Who is that with Dennis?
475
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,120
Crap! Tony...
476
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,840
The godfather of comedy, dammit!
477
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,480
This is Spike Milligan.
478
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,560
Hello there.
479
00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:35,640
Mr. Milligan, it is a great
honor to make your acquaintance.
480
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:41,120
I have bon voyage. But
I don't have hearing impairment.
481
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,360
He plays Guneet.
482
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:49,960
Madame can clean up
while we're at the doctor's.
483
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:53,040
George, don't forget the scarf
. you get death
484
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:56,240
- "George, don't forget the scarf."
- I have heard that.
485
00:37:56,320 --> 00:38:01,480
I wasn't copying you,
that was Aggie from number 22.
486
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,280
- I want to go with you.
- Can't, they're still here.
487
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,480
- All right.
- Like that.
488
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,880
- See you later, Aggie.
- See you later.
489
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,000
Forgiveness!
490
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:15,760
Be nice to the doctor.
491
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,640
- George!
- Will you let me through, please?
492
00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:22,520
I have no idea where she is.
Don't you have a home?
493
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,880
place there.
494
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:19,760
- Na, Aggie?
- George.
495
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,160
Come in, I'll make us some tea.
496
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:25,360
you can fuck me
497
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:28,200
- What.
- Thanks, sweetie.
498
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:34,720
Joan sleeps with Harold Pinter,
Lucian Freud with everyone else.
499
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,920
It is considered extremely cultivated.
500
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,880
Then I must be a Philistine.
501
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:43,080
- I don't want an affair.
- Are you sure?
502
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:47,600
If you wanted to leave Vernon and
stay my wife
503
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,040
I would agree
504
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:50,960
Very courteous of you.
505
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,880
I don't want anyone
doing this out of a sense of duty
506
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,920
but one who
cannot live without me.
507
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,480
You're a coward, Dennis.
508
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,880
I could say what
I felt and act.
509
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,000
It's beneath your dignity, I know that.
510
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,720
I thought it better
to let you know.
511
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,000
Ted Sargent and the press department
have it covered.
512
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,320
Only in part.
513
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:21,320
The revolver magazine has
so far withheld the photos of the liaison.
514
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:25,560
But unfortunately, the villains expect
something in return.
515
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,840
What exactly do they want?
516
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,080
Jim and Barbara are
happily reunited.
517
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:36,320
Preferably with a nice
bling on her finger.
518
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,480
Jim and Barbara or Sophie and Clive?
519
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,000
Thank you very much.
520
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:44,760
For them it's basically
one and the same.
521
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,000
The main thing is that it is enough for
an exclusive title page.
522
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:54,960
I doubt Sophie
wants me back.
523
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:56,600
She was really angry.
524
00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:00,080
Poor thing clearly
still has feelings for you.
525
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,120
And what woman doesn't dream of
526
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,160
being taken by storm by Clive Richardson ?
527
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:10,560
If you and Sophie
got back together as the nation's dream couple,
528
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:14,200
would certainly row back at Ted Sargent
.
529
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,480
Listen...
530
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,400
- I know I screwed up.
- A slip happens to everyone.
531
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,320
But...
532
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,080
If I win her back,
it will be sincere
533
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,160
and on my terms.
534
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:40,400
Not because I'm going to let some
dirt sheet blackmail me.
535
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:45,840
Thanks for the drink
536
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:48,920
It was a pleasure for me.
537
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,720
Norris, medium shot of Spike.
538
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:56,400
I have to urgently.
539
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,000
Setting 40 on camera 2.
540
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,720
May I use your toilet?
541
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:10,040
And I was like, "Where
's my toothbrush?"
542
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,920
Congratulations, excellent show.
543
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:17,120
Spike was great. We book
him for the rest of the season.
544
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,880
- Together with Sophie Straw.
- Sophie who?
545
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:27,680
- We had an agreement.
- Yes, that I would consider it.
546
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,120
I can't help but think
547
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:35,880
that you
have an inflated opinion of Ms. Straw.
548
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:41,720
I have to ask myself whether your
impulses are purely professional.
549
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,160
Somewhere deep inside you
550
00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:55,920
meets the fact that Sophie
is a beautiful and funny woman,
551
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:59,040
quite a sensitive
nerve, isn't it, Ted?
552
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,800
I will accept your resignation
with great regret.
553
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:05,880
I've already put them on.
554
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,240
Aggie, I hear
555
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,200
you
did a big tour of the city.
556
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,840
- Yes / Yes.
- You must be tired.
557
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:01,120
How are you feeling?
558
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:02,720
How I feel?
559
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,320
Or should I rather show you
how I feel?
560
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,520
That was good.
561
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:16,960
God, my little one...
562
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,760
You were born for this.
563
00:44:21,720 --> 00:44:24,840
Mr. Mahindra also says
you're a natural.
564
00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:29,840
When we do the show...
565
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,720
This is difficult to put into words.
566
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:37,320
Then there is no other place
in the world I would rather be.
567
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:41,120
You're coming back,
little one. you find a way
568
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:01,040
Dennis?
569
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,520
What brings you to Blackpool?
570
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:14,760
I am here to visit.
571
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,040
And you?
572
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,320
I have ... myself
573
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:21,600
acting like a giant asshole
, hence...
574
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,600
Don't they ever give up?
575
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:39,560
It's good! Yes I am here!
576
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,560
Do you calm down if you take a photo...
577
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,000
Hallo, Soph.
578
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:49,320
Do you want to be my wife?
579
00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:57,920
For her.
580
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,600
Will you say yes, Sophie?
581
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:11,080
Sophie, what are you up to?
42121
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