All language subtitles for Desperate.Housewives.S06E19.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+.5.1.x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

GABY LEARNED A SECRET.

LEE AND I ARE
TRYING TO ADOPT A BABY.

MIKE MADE A COMMITMENT.
I CAN BE A GUY
WHO TAKES CARE OF HIS FAMILY.

LYNETTE WAS WARNED.

I TOLD PRESTON I WANT TO
MOVE UP WEDDING TO NEXT WEEK.
NEXT WEEK?

A KILLER PUT EVERYONE ON EDGE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S DEAD.
I GOTTA GO HOME.

MY MOM'S SO FREAKED OUT
THIS COULD HAVE BEEN ME.

SHE WANTS ME AROUND.
SO YOU'RE MY BROTHER?

HALF-BROTHER, TO BE PRECISE.
SUSPICION WAS BORN.

(Orson) WHAT DO
WE REALLY KNOW ABOUT SAM?
(Andrew) I SHOULD FIND OUT
EVERYTHING I CAN.

WHY SHOULDN'T YOU?
HE'S YOUR BROTHER.

AND A VERY DANGEROUS MAN
ARRIVED ON WISTERIA LANE.

(Mary Alice) GOOD NEIGHBORS--

THEY LOAN YOU CUPS OF SUGAR...

THEY TELL YOU WHY
YOUR CAR WON'T START...

THEY EVEN HELP YOU
FIND YOUR LOST PETS.

(Lee) I JUST WANNA KNOW
WHO THIS PERSON IS...

GOOD NEIGHBORS ALSO COME OVER

AT THE SLIGHTEST HINT
OF TROUBLE...

(arguing indistinctly)

WHETHER YOU WANT 'EM THERE
OR NOT.

...BEING UNREASONABLE!
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M TIRED
OF FIGHTING ABOUT THIS.

OKAY, FINE. WALK AWAY.
IT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO.

GABY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

UH...

I CAME TO RETURN
THIS MAGAZINE LEE LENT ME,

BUT YOU TWO WERE ARGUING,
SO...

SO YOU DECIDED IT WOULD BE FUN
TO EAVESDROP?

GOD, IT'S LIKE
YOU SEE INTO MY SOUL,

AND YET YOU DON'T JUDGE.
THANK YOU.

OH, COME ON.
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

OUR EGG DONOR BACKED OUT.

NOT AGAIN.

AND THE SURROGATE WE HIRED
WILL PULL OUT

IF THE PROCEDURE ISN'T DONE
IN THE NEXT MONTH.
WELL, CAN'T YOU FIND
ANOTHER EGG DONOR?

WE COULD,
IF LEE WASN'T SO PICKY.
WHY ARE YOU DISCUSSING THIS
WITH HER?

(sighs) FOR GOD SAKES,
I WAS EAVESDROPPING. CATCH UP.

OKAY, YEAH, I'M PICKY.

WE SPENT TWO YEARS
CHOOSING A MATTRESS.

I'M NOT JUST GOING TO GET
OUR CHILD'S D.N.A.

OUT OF THE YELLOW PAGES.
IF WE LOSE THE SURROGATE,

IT COULD TAKE MONTHS
TO FIND ANOTHER ONE.
YEAH, AND THEN SHE'LL DROP OUT
FOR SOME RIDICULOUS REASON,

AND I CAN'T TAKE
ANY MORE OF THIS!

YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE PARENTS.
DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!

COME ON!
DOESN'T IT SEEM LIKE

THE UNIVERSE IS TRYING
TO TELL US SOMETHING?
WHY NOT TAKE MINE?

TAKE YOUR WHAT?
MY EGGS.

I MEAN, I'VE GOT PLENTY,

AND I HATE TO SEE YOU GUYS
SO UNHAPPY.

SO WHAT THE HECK?

GOOD NEIGHBORS--THEY'RE PEOPLE
WHO TRY TO HELP OTHERS.

OH!

(laughs)

BAD NEIGHBORS ARE PEOPLE
WHO MAKE PROMISES

THEY CAN'T POSSIBLY KEEP.

THE MORNING PAPER SAID
A YOUNG GIRL WAS MISSING.

IT QUOTED HER FAMILY,

WHO SAID SHE HAD VANISHED
ON HER WAY TO WORK.

IT QUOTED HER FRIENDS,

WHO SAID SHE WASN'T THE TYPE
TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME.

IT QUOTED THE POLICE,

WHO SAID THEY HAD
VERY LITTLE EVIDENCE TO GO ON.

SADLY, PEOPLE DIDN'T PAY MUCH
ATTENTION TO THIS BIT OF NEWS.

NO ONE THINKS ABOUT EVIL

UNTIL IT SHOWS UP
ON THEIR DOORSTEP,

WHICH IT SOON WOULD.

OH, MY GOD. THIEF!

HEY! YOU!

FREEZE!
WHOA! WHOA!
LADY, PUT THAT THING DOWN.

OH, YEAH? WHILE I'M AT IT, WHY
DON'T I JUST HAND YOU THE KEYS?

NOW HIT THE DIRT!
RELAX.
I'M NOT STEALING ANYTHING.

THIS IS A REPOSSESSION.

DO I LOOK STUPID TO YOU?
FIRE! FIRE!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
PEOPLE COME QUICKER
WHEN YOU YELL "FIRE."

NOW I BELIEVE I TOLD YOU
TO HIT THE DIRT!

WHERE'S THE FIRE?

(Angie) SUSAN, YOU OKAY?

(Susan)
I'M FINE. JUST CALL 9-1-1!

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
THIS THIEF IS TRYING
TO STEAL YOUR TRUCK!

HEY. YOU'RE THE GUY WHO'S FOUR
MONTHS BEHIND ON HIS PAYMENTS?

YEAH.

STOP, DROP AND ROLL!

STOP, DROP AND ROLL!

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
YOU WERE HAVING MONEY PROBLEMS?

I WAS HOPING BUSINESS WOULD PICK
UP BEFORE ANYBODY FOUND OUT.

(truck horn honks)

BUT I GUESS
THAT'S NO LONGER AN OPTION.

MIKE, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

I TOLD YOU,
I AM WILLING TO HELP.

AND I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT
TAKING MY WIFE'S MONEY.

WELL,
ENOUGH WITH THE MACHO PRIDE.

I MAKE A STEADY PAYCHECK,

AND I HAVE ALL THAT MONEY
FROM SELLING KARL'S STRIP CLUB.

NO. I'M DEFINITELY NOT TAKING
YOUR EX-HUSBAND'S MONEY.

ARE WE DONE HERE?
SURE.
AS LONG AS YOU CAN EXPLAIN

HOW YOU'RE GOING TO RUN
A PLUMBING BUSINESS

WITHOUT A TRUCK.

I DON'T KNOW.
I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

(Bree laughs)

AND FOR THE COVER OF THE BOOK,
I SEE YOU IN AN EVENING GOWN,

SITTING ON A BALE OF HAY,
RINGING A DINNER BELL.

(laughs) I LOVE IT.
SUCH A SENSE OF WHIMSY.

WELL, IF IT ISN'T
THE DYNAMIC DUO.

HOW DID YOUR MEETING
WITH THE PUBLISHER GO?

FANTASTIC.

BRUCE LOVED THE IDEA
OF A NOUVELLE SOUTHERN COOKBOOK.

AND YOUR BROTHER CAME UP

WITH THE MARKETING SLOGAN
IN THE ROOM. TELL HIM, SAM.

"MRS. VAN DE KAMP

INTRODUCES YOU
TO UPSCALE DOWN-HOME CUISINE."

CATCHY. I-I GUESS YOU KNOW
ALL ABOUT MARKETING,

HAVING AN MBA AND ALL.

I GUESS SO.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE, YOU DON'T
ACTUALLY HAVE AN MBA.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I MADE A FEW CALLS,
CHECKED A FEW RECORDS.

TURNS OUT THE GOLDEN CHILD
NEVER GOT HIS DEGREE.

IS THIS TRUE?

YES.
I'M A FEW CLASSES SHORT.

IS ONE OF THEM ETHICS?

ANDREW, PLEASE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

IT WAS THE FINAL SEMESTER.

WE WERE ABOUT TWO MONTHS IN

WHEN THE DOCTOR TOLD ME
MY MOTHER WAS TERMINAL.

I LEFT SCHOOL
AND BROUGHT HER HOME

SO SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE
IN THE HOSPITAL.

IF YOU LIKE,

I CAN SAVE YOU A PHONE CALL

AND BRING IN
HER DEATH CERTIFICATE.

THAT'S OKAY. (clears throat)

THE UNIVERSITY LET ME
GRADUATE WITH MY CLASS.

I SHOULD FINISH MY COURSEWORK
NEXT MONTH.

BUT I'M SORRY, BREE.

I SHOULD NOT HAVE
MISREPRESENTED MYSELF.

EVERYONE STEPS OVER THE LINE
NOW AND THEN.

LET'S ALL MAKE AN EFFORT
NOT TO,

SHALL WE?

(speaks Russian)

(speaks Russian)

THIS WOMAN IS INCOMPETENT.
WHY YOU BRING ME HERE?

HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HAD TO
COME TO A RUSSIAN BRIDAL SHOP.

IT WAS MISTAKE.

WELL... LOOK AT THE FUN
YOU'RE HAVING

CHEWING PEOPLE OUT
IN YOUR NATIVE TONGUE.

(lowered voice) HEY.

SORRY FOR THE WAY
SHE'S BEEN TALKING TO YOU.

DON'T WORRY.
YOU'RE NOT LOSING A SON.

YOU ARE GAINING
A PAIN IN THE ASS.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

MY SON IS MARRYING A WOMAN
HE BARELY KNOWS.

HE'S MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE
OF HIS LIFE,

AND I AM POWERLESS
TO STOP HIM.

IF YOU LIKE,

MAYBE I GET A LITTLE SLOPPY
WITH THE PUSHPINS.

AW, YOU'RE SWEET.

(cell phone rings)

(ring)
IRINA? IT'S YOUR PHONE.

(ring)

IF IT'S PRESTON,
TELL HIM I BE HOME SOON.

(ring)

OKAY, YOUR HIGHNESS.

BRIDE'S PHONE.

(man) Irina...
(shouting in Russian)

OKAY. SLOW DOWN.
I... I DON'T SPEAK RUSSIAN.

IRINA, IT'S SOME RUSSIAN GUY,
AND HE DOESN'T SOUND HAPPY.

(man continues shouting
in Russian)

ALEXEI... (speaking Russian)

(beep)

WHO WAS THAT?

WRONG NUMBER.

WRONG NUMBER?
HE ASKED FOR YOU BY NAME.

IF I WANTED YOU TO KNOW,
I WOULD SAY IT IN ENGLISH.

MISSUS?

I CAN SAY IT IN ENGLISH.

(espresso machine whirring)

HEY. DOUBLE CAPPUCCINO,
EXTRA HOT.

(cup clinks)

NEED ANYTHING ELSE?

INSPIRATION.

(chuckles)

SORRY. WE JUST HAVE MUFFINS.

(laughs)

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?

A NOVEL.

I KNOW--ANOTHER GUY IN
A COFFEE SHOP WRITING A NOVEL.

JUST WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS.

NO, I THINK IT'S COOL.
MIND IF I ASK WHAT IT'S ABOUT?

YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW?

I DO.

IT STARTED OUT
AS A LOVE STORY,

BUT IT'S GETTING
KIND OF DARK.

THIS GUY MEETS THIS GIRL,

TAKES HER FROM NOTHING,

GIVES HER LIFE MEANING.

BASICALLY CREATES HER.

OKAY.

THEN ONE DAY,

SHE JUST DISAPPEARS...

VANISHES...

WITH ANOTHER MAN.

(scoffs) SUCKS FOR THE GUY.

AND SHE TAKES HIS BABY.

DAMN. WELL, SHE SOUNDS
LIKE A BITCH.

SURE DOES.

ANYHOW, I'M UP TO THE POINT

WHERE THE GUY WHO'S BEEN
LOOKING FOR HER FOR A LONG TIME

FINALLY TRACKS HER DOWN.

AND THAT'S WHERE
I'M KIND OF STUCK.

WHAT DOES HE DO?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ALL THE DETAILS,

BUT YOU SAID IT WAS DARK,
RIGHT?

YEAH.

SEEMS TO ME
THE GUY WOULD KILL HER.

FUNNY. THAT WAS EXACTLY
MY FIRST INSTINCT, TOO.

NO.

NO?
YOU ASKED MY PERMISSION TO BE
AN EGG DONOR, AND I SAID "NO."

OH, I WASN'T ASKING YOU.
I WAS TELLING YOU.

SORRY. YOU CAN'T DO THIS
WITHOUT MY APPROVAL.

THOSE EGGS ARE HALF MINE.

HOW SO?
I'M YOUR HUSBAND.

I OWN 50% OF WHATEVER
COMES OUT OF THAT UTERUS.

OH! SO YOU THINK
YOU OWN MY BODY.

I PAY FOR THE CLOTHES
IT WEARS,

THE MASSAGES IT RECEIVES

AND THE IMPLANTS
IT WILL ONE DAY REQUIRE.

IF I DON'T OWN IT, I'M AT LEAST
A MAJOR STOCKHOLDER.

WHICH MEANS I CAN STOP YOU

FROM HANDING OUT YOUR EGGS
LIKE PARTY FAVORS

TO EVERY CHILDLESS GAY COUPLE
THAT WANDERS BY.

YOU CANNOT STOP ME. I CAN DO
WHATEVER I WANT WITH MY EGGS.

AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT
WITH THE CREDIT CARDS I PAY FOR.

FOR EXAMPLE,
I CAN CUT THEM UP.

I DON'T CARE
ABOUT CREDIT CARDS.

I AM TRYING TO DO
SOMETHING NOBLE HERE.

I'M HELPING THESE PEOPLE
BECOME A FAMILY.

YOU'VE HIDDEN THE CARDS,
HAVEN'T YOU?

DAMN STRAIGHT.

OKAY, I AM BEGGING YOU,

AS YOUR HUSBAND,

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.

IT'LL BE TOO WEIRD HAVING
YOUR D.N.A. LIVING NEXT DOOR.

I DON'T CARE.
MY MIND IS MADE UP.

I AM GOING TO HELP BOB AND LEE
HAVE A BABY

SO THEY CAN EXPERIENCE
THE SAME LOVE AND JOY

THAT WE OCCASIONALLY HAVE
WITH OUR CHILDREN.

SO THE RUSSIAN SALESGIRL
TRANSLATED FOR ME,

AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESS
WHAT IRINA SAID TO THE...

ANGRY GUY ON THE PHONE.

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GUESS.

SHE SAID, "GO AHEAD
AND CALL THE POLICE."

YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME."

AND THAT'S IT?

HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU NEED?

SHE IS A FOREIGNER.
SHE'S DONE SOMETHING CRIMINAL.

START YOUR DEPORTATION NOW.

MA'AM, WITHOUT PROOF
OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY,

THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.

CAN'T YOU AT LEAST...
INTERROGATE HER?

YES, AND... IF YOU WANNA
SLAP HER AROUND A BIT,

YOU'LL GET NO COMPLAINTS
FROM ME.

LOOK, MRS. SCAVO,
WE ARE A GOVERNMENT AGENCY.

WE CAN'T INVESTIGATE
YOUR FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T THINK
SHE'S GOOD FOR YOUR SON.

(sighs)

AH. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

YOU'RE SINGLE, RIGHT?
NEVER HAD ANY KIDS?

YEAH. SO?

(sets down frame)

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT.

(telephone rings)

(ring)

HI. NICE-LOOKING FAMILY.
IS THAT YOUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW?

YEAH.

YOU TWO GET ALONG?

DON'T GET ME STARTED.

GOT A MINUTE?

M.J., WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
CLOGGING THE SINK.

WHAT?

DADDY NEEDS WORK.

OHH!
(turns faucet off)

HONEY, THAT'S SWEET,
BUT DADDY ONLY GETS PAID

WHEN OTHER PEOPLE HAVE
PLUMBING PROBLEMS.

SO I SHOULD DO THIS
TO SOMEBODY ELSE'S SINK?

NO, HONEY. (laughs)

THAT WOULD BE WRONG.

(knock on door,
door creaks)

HI. I'M HAVING A PROBLEM
WITH MIKE AND HIS MALE EGO.

LONG STORY SHORT--
CAN I CLOG YOUR DRAIN?

SO DON'T PHONE MIKE
UNTIL I GET HOME.

UGH. OKAY, AND WHEN YOU
CALL HIM, SOUND DESPERATE.

THAT WAY, HE'LL FEEL USEFUL.

(metal clanks, water splashes)

BUT DON'T CALL TILL SATURDAY.
HE GETS DOUBLE TIME ON WEEKENDS.

(spoon clinks)

(garbage disposal whirring)

THERE'S ENOUGH THERE
FOR A TIP,

BUT CAREFUL
WHEN YOU GIVE IT TO HIM.

I DON'T WANT HIM THINKING
ANYONE'S DOING HIM A FAVOR.

TRUST ME, BRUCE. AFTER THEY
TASTE THESE RECIPES,

THEY WILL BE ONBOARD.

JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE
TO DAZZLE THEM.

OKAY. BYE.

(beep)
PROBLEMS?

BRUCE GOT A LITTLE RESISTANCE
WHEN HE MET WITH THE SALES TEAM.

THEY FEAR SOUTHERN COOKBOOKS
ARE A TAD OVERDONE.

SO I SUGGESTED
WE HAVE A LITTLE DINNER

TO LET THEM SAMPLE
THE RECIPES THEMSELVES.
EXCELLENT.

WE HAVE TO
REALLY IMPRESS THEM.

LET'S SEE IF WE CAN BOOK
THE PRIVATE DINING ROOM

AT THE BRITANNIAN HOTEL.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

BUT BEFORE I DO, I HAVE
SOMETHING... DIFFICULT TO SAY.

WELL, I HOPE IT'S NOT ABOUT
THAT SILLY MBA BUSINESS.

I THINK I KNOW WHY ANDREW TRIED
TO DISCREDIT ME YESTERDAY.

OH?

HE KNEW YOU HAD ME
AUDITING THE BOOKS,

AND HE KNEW
WHAT I WAS GONNA FIND.

WHAT DID YOU FIND?

DID YOU CHARGE THE DONELLYS
FOR FIVE CASES OF VODKA?

YEAH. SO?

ACCORDING TO OUR INVOICES,

ONLY FOUR WERE DELIVERED
TO THEIR PARTY.

AND THE ROTARY CLUB LUNCHEON WAS
CHARGED FOR SEVEN CASES OF WINE,

AND ONLY SIX SHOWED UP.
WHY ARE YOU EVEN LOOKING
AT THIS STUFF?

AND I SEEM TO RECALL YOUR HAVING
A PARTY THAT SAME WEEKEND,

WITH LOTS OF WINE
AND LOTS OF VODKA.

OKAY, YEAH, I-I TOOK
SOME LEFTOVER BOOZE TO MY HOUSE

FOR A PARTY.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

IT WASN'T LEFTOVER. YOU CHARGED
THE CLIENT FOR THAT LIQUOR.

THAT'S STEALING.
IS SAM THE ONE
WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS?

WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT SAM
RIGHT NOW.
BUT WE NEED TO.

CAN'T YOU SEE
THE TYPE OF PERSON HE IS?

YES, HE IS THE TYPE OF PERSON
WHO LEAVES COLLEGE

TO CARE FOR HIS DYING MOTHER.

YOU ARE THE TYPE OF PERSON
WHO STEALS FROM CLIENTS.

BELIEVE WHAT
YOU WANNA BELIEVE,

BUT I'M NOT GONNA LISTEN
TO THIS.

ANDREW.
(door opens)

DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME!

CAN'T YOU SEE HOW
HE'S MANIPULATING YOU?

HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?
APPARENTLY I'M STUPID ENOUGH
TO HAVE TRUSTED YOU.

WELL, IF I'M THE PROBLEM,
WHY NOT JUST FIRE ME?
I'M TEMPTED. DON'T PUSH ME.

(sighs) CLEAR YOUR THINGS OUT
AND TURN IN YOUR KEYS.

(door slams)

OH, HEY, TOM.
(shifts gears)

Did Irina and Preston say when
they'd be back from the mall?

STOP!
(brakes squeal)

STOP WHAT?

(sighs)

NOT YOU.
I'M TEACHING PARKER TO DRIVE.

OKAY. I'M PLANNING TO STEAL
IRINA'S PASSPORT NUMBER.

OH, GOD.
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO NOW?

I HAVE A NEW BEST FRIEND
AT IMMIGRATION

who's got a friend
at the Russian embassy

WHO'S AGREED TO INITIATE
A BACKGROUND SEARCH.

LYNETTE, THIS IS GETTING
OUT OF HAND.

THAT WOMAN IS HIDING SOMETHING,
AND I AM TAKING HER DOWN.

(groans)

DA!

(mutters)

(front door slams,
rapid footsteps approach)

(giggling)

(Irina) YOU BUY ME BEAUTIFUL
THINGS, AND NOW I THANK YOU.
AHH!

COME ON.

(giggles)

(Preston) WE SHOULDN'T BE
IN HERE WITH THE DOOR CLOSED.

MY MOM GETS
A LITTLE FREAKED OUT.
WELL, YOUR MOTHER IS A PRUDE.

THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS TO WOMEN
WHEN THEY GROW OLD.

NOW KISS ME.
MMM.

MMM! (giggles)
OH, MY GOD.

(Preston and Irina giggling)

(beeps)
WHO'S THAT?

YOUR MOM.

"GET HOME NOW.

"TRAPPED BEHIND
THE CLOSET DOOR.

PRESTON AND IRINA
ARE ABOUT TO--"

PULL OVER.
I GOTTA GET HOME FAST.

I CAN GO FAST.

(giggles)

SERIOUSLY, IRINA,
MY MOM'S IN THE HOUSE.

I KNOW. IS WHAT MAKE IT FUN.
(laughs)

(Preston laughs)

(giggling)

(thud)

MMM.

HONEY MAPLE SHORT RIBS DRIZZLED
WITH MANZANILLA SHERRY.

THESE ARE AMAZING.

BRUCE'S SALES TEAM
WILL BE POWERLESS TO RESIST.

WELL, YOU ARE REALLY FOCUSED
ON THIS DINNER,

WHICH IS AMAZING
CONSIDERING WHAT HAPPENED.

I MEAN...
FIRING YOUR OWN SON.

I'VE DONE WORSE THINGS
TO ANDREW.

WE HAVE A...
VERY COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP.

YOU'LL SEE THAT THE LONGER
YOU'RE AT THE COMPANY.

HOW? YOU FIRED HIM.

NO, THAT'S JUST OUR PATTERN.

HE PROVOKES ME,
AND I PUSH HIM AWAY,

BUT WE ALWAYS COME BACK
TOGETHER.

SO... YOU'RE GOING
TO BRING HIM BACK IN?

EVENTUALLY.

BUT THE STEALING...

AND THE WAY
HE SPOKE TO YOU, I...

SAM, HE'S MY SON.

HEY. BUSY DAY, HUH?

YEAH, BUSY WEEK.

IT'S SO FUNNY.

I'VE HAD ALL THIS WORK
RIGHT HERE ON THE LANE.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

ESPECIALLY SINCE
YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR TRUCK.

UH-HUH. HEY.

GUESS WHAT I FOUND?

OH! MY EARRING.

BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR THAT.
WHERE'D YOU FIND IT?

GABY'S BATHTUB DRAIN.

OH.

OHH, OF COURSE.

GABY AND I WENT JOGGING,
AND, UH...

AND THEN I HUGGED HER,

SO MY EARRING PROBABLY
GOT CAUGHT IN--IN HER...

SPORTS BRA, AND WHEN SHE WENT
TO TAKE A BATH--

HEY, DO YOU, UH,
WANNA HAVE SEX? (chuckles)

SO GABY'S DRAIN,
ANGIE'S GARBAGE DISPOSAL,

LYNETTE'S TOILET--

I MEAN,
THE REALLY DIRTY SEX.

SO NOW I HAVE TO RETURN
ALL THAT MONEY.

NO, YOU DON'T. (sighs)

I...

GAVE IT TO THEM.

YOU'RE SAYING
EVERYONE ON THE STREET KNOWS

I'M HAVING FINANCIAL TROUBLE?

WELL... (sighs) I THINK
THEY ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT

WHEN THEY SAW YOUR TRUCK
GET REPOSSESSED

OUT OF OUR DRIVEWAY.

THIS IS HUMILIATING, SUSAN.

I'M SORRY, BUT IT ALL
COULD'VE BEEN PREVENTED

IF YOU'D JUST LET ME MAKE A FEW
STUPID PAYMENTS ON YOUR TRUCK.

I TOLD YOU,
I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP.

THIS IS MY BUSINESS,
MY PROBLEM.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T REMEMBER
ALL THOSE "MYs"

IN OUR WEDDING VOWS.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
A PARTNERSHIP.

IF YOU CAN'T LET ME HELP YOU,

MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
WITH OUR MARRIAGE.

I'M NOT GONNA LISTEN TO THIS,
ALL RIGHT? I'M TIRED.

I HAD A BUSY DAY
WASTING MY TIME.

I'LL SLEEP ON THE COUCH.

(sighs) OH.

(sighs)

(clatter in distance)

DANNY?

YOU UP THERE?

(thud)

(telephone rings)

(sighs)
(sets down vase)

(ring)

(beep)

HELLO?

OH, JEEZ, NICK, YOU SCARED ME.

NOTHING. I JUST--
I JUST GOT HOME,

AND I-I THOUGHT I HEARD A NOISE.
IT--NO, IT'S FINE.

JUST HURRY HOME, OKAY?

(beep)

TO GABRIELLE SOLIS,
THE BEST NEIGHBOR

TWO CHILDLESS, UPWARDLY MOBILE
GAY GUYS COULD EVER HAVE.
MM.

AW.
(clink)

(chuckles) I GOT IT.
HEY!

NO, NO, NO.
THAT WAS PURELY CEREMONIAL.

WE DON'T WANT YOU DRINKING.
WHY? DOES IT AFFECT
MY FERTILITY?

THAT, AND YOU'RE KIND OF
A SLOPPY DRUNK.
(chuckles)

FINE. LET'S TALK BABIES.

SO... WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
HOPING FOR--A BOY OR A GIRL?

I WANT A GIRL.

THAT WAY, WE CAN PUT HER
IN BABY BEAUTY PAGEANTS.

YEAH, THEY'RE SO CUTE IN THEIR
MAKEUP AND RHINESTONE DRESSES.
RIGHT?

REALLY?
YOU GUYS GONNA DO THAT?

WHY NOT?
WELL, IT'S JUST I KIND OF
DABBLED IN THAT WORLD,

AND FOR ME,
IT WAS A BIT MUCH.
WELL, DON'T PANIC.
50% CHANCE IT'S A BOY.

THEN IT'S MAKEUP
AND RHINESTONE VESTS.
WHAT?!

HE'S KIDDING.

OH! HE BETTER BE. THERE'S NO WAY
I'M ALLOWING THAT.

(laughs)

MM, NOW THAT I THINK
ABOUT IT,

I DO HOPE WE HAVE A BOY.

AND WHY IS THAT?

I ALREADY HAVE TWO GIRLS.
I'M SO SICK OF BUYING DRESSES.

WHEN HE'S OLD ENOUGH,

I'M GONNA TAKE HIM ON
THE BIGGEST SHOPPING SPREE EVER.

(under breath) RIGHT.

I GUESS YOU CAN DO THAT
WHEN WE COME BACK TO VISIT.

VISIT? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
MY MOTHER LIVES
IN UPSTATE NEW YORK.

WE THOUGHT WE'D MOVE
CLOSER TO HER

SO THE BABY
CAN BE AROUND FAMILY.

REALLY?

IS THAT A PROBLEM?

IT JUST NEVER OCCURRED TO ME

THAT YOU GUYS WOULD LEAVE
AND TAKE MY ONLY SON.

GABY...

THIS CHILD--
IT'LL HAVE YOUR GENES,

BUT IT WON'T BE YOURS.

YOU GET THAT, RIGHT?

OF COURSE.

I MEAN, IT'S THE ONLY WAY
IT CAN WORK, RIGHT? (chuckles)

(chuckles)

(laughs)
(Carlos)
COME ON. YOU READY?

OKAY, NO PEEKING.

(Juanita and Celia laugh)

YOU GONNA BEAT ME AGAIN
THIS TIME?

HEY, GUYS.

WHAT?

MOMMY, WHY DO YOU LOOK
SO SAD?

WELL, I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE

IF I COULDN'T
SEE YOUR FACE EVERY DAY...

(voice breaks)
AND IT MADE ME SAD.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

(indistinct conversations)

COME OUT OF THE KITCHEN.

I WANT YOU TO SPEND SOME TIME
WITH THESE PEOPLE.

MINGLE. HAVE A DRINK.

(singsongy) I DON'T DRINK,
BRUCE. I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
ONE DRINK.

I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO
SWING FROM THE CHANDELIER.

(normal voice)
WHY ARE YOU SO NERVOUS?

(exhales deeply)

I REALLY PUT MY NECK ON THE LINE
FOR THIS BOOK, BREE.

NO ONE LIKES THE IDEA.
NO ONE.

OH, I SHOULD'VE STOPPED
AT JUST ONE DRINK.

LOOK, THEY ARE GONNA
LOVE THE FOOD.

I HOPE SO,

BECAUSE IF THEY DON'T,
I DON'T SEE

HOW YOU'RE GOING TO PUBLISH
ANOTHER BOOK OF ANY KIND.

(sighs deeply)

(man) HERE YOU ARE.

(man) JUST PUT 'EM
ON A LITTLE PLATE.
YEAH, THAT'LL BE FINE.

HOP TO, PEOPLE.
THIS IS A BIG ONE.

SOMETHING WRONG?
WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S THE SHERRY
WE DRIZZLE ON THE RIBS.

THIS ISN'T SHERRY.
THIS IS VINEGAR.

VINEGAR?

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

(spits) IT'S RUINED.

(spits) THEY'RE ALL RUINED.
IT'S DISGUSTING!

THE FLOOR'S NOT LOOKING
SO GREAT EITHER.

STOP!
WE CAN'T SERVE THIS FOOD.
WE'VE ALREADY TAKEN OUT
MOST OF THE PLATES.

WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE.
GO GET THEM BACK.

HOW CAN IT BE VINEGAR?

WE TESTED THE RECIPE LAST NIGHT,
AND IT WAS PERFECT,

AND THEN I LOCKED THE SHERRY
IN THE LIQUOR CABINET.
WHO HAD ACCESS?

DID YOU GIVE ANDREW'S KEYS
TO ANYONE AFTER YOU FIRED HIM?
HE NEVER RETURNED HIS KEY.

OH, BREE.

THEY WON'T GIVE THE PLATES BACK.

THE PUBLISHER GUY'S GIVING
A LITTLE SPEECH,

AND THEN THEY'RE GONNA EAT.
NO, NO, NO, NO.

I AM NOT GONNA LOSE
MY COOKBOOK CAREER OVER THIS.

(sighs deeply and whispers) GOD.

(whirring)

HAND ME THAT TORCH.

BON APPéTIT, EVERYBODY.

(indistinct conversations)

(alarm bell ringing)

(screaming)

(indistinct shouting)

WE'RE SERVING COBBLER
IN THE PARKING LOT!

(clang)

I JUST MADE YOU
REAL HOT CHOCOLATE.

DON'T I GET A SMILE?

MY SON TRIED
TO RUIN MY CAREER TONIGHT.

I DON'T THINK
I'LL EVER SMILE AGAIN.

HONESTLY,

I DON'T THINK ANDREW HAD
ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.

YOU DON'T?

MNH. LOOK AT THE PLANNING
THAT WENT INTO IT.

THE VINEGAR HAD TO BE
SUBSTITUTED FOR THE SHERRY

AFTER YOU'D SELECTED
THE BOTTLE

BUT BEFORE YOU'D LEFT
FOR THE EVENT.

AND THE INGREDIENT HAD TO BE
SOMETHING YOU WOULDN'T SAMPLE.

COME ON. ANDREW'S NOT
CLEVER ENOUGH TO PULL THAT OFF.

HE CAN'T EVEN STEAL A CASE
OF WINE WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT.

WELL, THEN
WHO DO YOU THINK DID IT?

WELL, IT'D HAVE TO BE
SOMEBODY PRETTY SMART...

AT LEAST SMART ENOUGH
TO GET AN MBA.

SAM? THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

WHY WOULD HE WANT
TO HURT ME?

WHO SAID
HE WANTED TO HURT YOU?

ANDREW'S THE ONE
TAKING THIS FALL.

NO, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.

WHAT DOES HE STAND TO GAIN?

HMM. WHAT A GOOD QUESTION.

ENJOY YOUR CHOCOLATE.

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,

I CATCH SUSAN LOOKING AT ME
THIS CERTAIN WAY.

YOU KNOW, I'M PUTTING
ON MY SHIRT OR MOWING THE LAWN.

I'LL TURN MY HEAD,

AND I'LL CATCH HER
WITH THIS LOOK IN HER EYES,

AND I KNOW SHE'S THINKING
THAT SHE'S LUCKY TO HAVE ME.

(scoffs)

SO HOW CAN I TELL HER
I'M DEAD BROKE?

HOW CAN I SAY,
"I CAN'T TAKE YOUR MONEY,

"BECAUSE IT WON'T BEGIN TO COVER

THE DEBTS I'VE BEEN RACKING UP
FOR THE LAST YEAR"?

SHE THINKS
IT'S A COUPLE OF TRUCK PAYMENTS.

SHE'S GOT NO IDEA.

THIS WOULD REALLY HURT HER.

IF SHE FOUND OUT
I KEPT THIS FROM HER,

I DON'T THINK I'D EVER SEE
THAT LOOK FROM HER AGAIN...

AND I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN.

TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU NEED.

(clicks pen)

(sighs)

(door bells jingle)

(indistinct conversations)

DOUBLE CAPP, EXTRA HOT,
RIGHT?

WOW. GOOD MEMORY.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR A WHILE.
I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU LEFT TOWN.

OH, I'M NOT LEAVING
TILL I FINISH MY BOOK.

OH, RIGHT, YEAH.
HOW'S THAT GOIN'?

DID THE GUY KILL HER?

I TRIED TO WRITE IT
THAT WAY.

HE WENT OVER THERE.
SHE WAS ALONE.

HE HAD THE CHANCE.

AND WHAT HAPPENED?

JUST SEEMED TOO EASY.

(chuckles)
SO YOU STUCK AGAIN?

NO.

I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.

IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

THE WORST PART OF WHAT SHE DID
WAS TAKING THE KID, RIGHT?

SO I FIGURE

THE BEST WAY FOR HIM
TO GET REVENGE...
(door bells jingle)

IS TO TAKE SOMETHING
FROM HER.

BUT WHAT COULD HE TAKE THAT'S
GONNA BE AS BAD AS WHAT SHE DID?

THE KID.

(chuckles) HE'S GONNA
TAKE THE KID, RIGHT?

THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING.

(birds chirping)

HEY.

HEY.

SO I GUESS CARLOS TALKED
TO YOU GUYS?

HE DID.

(sighs) I FEEL AWFUL.

THE MORE HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT,
HE JUST COULDN'T LET ME DO THIS.

AND LET'S FACE IT,
HE DOES HAVE A SAY.

IT'S COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE,
GABY. IT WAS A LOT TO ASK.

SO WHERE'S LEE?

I WANNA TALK TO HIM, TOO.

HE LEFT.

LEFT?

AFTER CARLOS CAME OVER,

LEE AND I GOT
INTO YET ANOTHER FIGHT,

AND...

WE BROKE UP.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

LEE SAYS HE CAN'T
GO THROUGH IT AGAIN.

I'M DETERMINED
TO HAVE A CHILD,

SO... (sighs)

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?

OH, RIGHT.

SORRY.

IT'S OKAY, GABY. LIKE I SAID,
IT WAS A LOT TO ASK.

MY LEFT SHOE IS MISSING.
WE'LL FIND IT.

I CAN'T GET MARRIED
IN ONE SHOE.
JUST GET DRESSED. THE WEDDING
STARTS IN HALF AN HOUR.

HEY, MAYBE HE SHOULD
WEAR SNEAKERS.

IT'D BE WILD,
LIKE HE'S TOO COOL TO CARE.

OR I COULD--
I JUST HELP HIM KEEP LOOKING.

THERE YOU GO.

LYNETTE! HELP ME LOOK
FOR PRESTON'S SHOE!

LYNETTE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I NEED YOUR HELP.
PRESTON CAN'T FIND HIS SHOE.

I PUT IT IN THE OVEN.

WHY?

BECAUSE THAT WOMAN
AT IMMIGRATION

NEVER CALLED ME BACK,

AND I AM SCREWED.

OH, HONEY. COME ON.

HIDING A SHOE ISN'T GONNA
STOP THEM FROM GETTING MARRIED.

I KNOW. I JUST WANTED
A FEW MORE MINUTES

BEFORE I HAD TO TELL MY SON
I'M NOT GOING TO HIS WEDDING.

LYNETTE--

I WILL NOT BE A HYPOCRITE,
TOM.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
(scoffs)

BUT IF YOU THINK
IRINA'S GOT POWER NOW,

JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL YOU DON'T
SHOW UP TO YOUR SON'S WEDDING.

OH, I WISH...

I WISH...
I WENT TO CHURCH MORE OFTEN.

I COULD REALLY USE A FAVOR
FROM THE MAN UPSTAIRS

RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

(gears shift)

MRS. SCAVO?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE
WHAT I FOUND.

(car door closes)
I'LL SEE YOU SUNDAY MORNING.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

MM. THANK YOU.

I AM GUESSING
THIS ONE'S MUCH NICER

THAN YOUR FIRST WEDDING DRESS,
YOU KNOW,

WHEN YOU GOT MARRIED
IN RUSSIA TO...

ALEXEI KOSOKOV?

HERE IN AMERICA

WE ACTUALLY GET DIVORCED
BEFORE WE GET MARRIED AGAIN,

OTHERWISE YOU SPEND
YOUR HONEYMOON IN JAIL.

ALEXEI TOLD ME

IF I MARRY HIM,
HE WILL GIVE ME GOOD LIFE.

BUT HE DIDN'T.

HE NEVER WORKED.

HE TREAT ME BADLY.

NOW HE WON'T SIGN
THE DIVORCE PAPERS

UNLESS I GIVE HIM MONEY.

UH-HUH.

OKAY.

THAT EXPLAINS ALEXEI.

WHAT ABOUT...

THE GUY IN ITALY...

WHO PRESSED CHARGES AFTER YOU
CLEANED OUT HIS BANK ACCOUNT?

THAT GUY WAS A PIG.

BELIEVE ME,
I EARNED EVERY PENNY.

WE HAVE A TERM IN AMERICA
FOR WOMEN WHO GET PAID FOR SEX,

AND IT'S NOT
"DAUGHTER-IN-LAW."

YOU KNOW WHY
IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME

THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ME?

CAN'T WAIT.

BECAUSE IT REALLY
DOESN'T MATTER.

ALL THAT MATTERS

IS THAT ONE HOUR FROM NOW,

I WILL HAVE A RING
ON THIS FINGER,

AND I WILL BE

THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON
IN HIS LIFE.

SO GIVE PRESTON
YOUR LITTLE FILE.

I WILL EXPLAIN IT ALL AWAY,

AND HE WILL BELIEVE
EVERY WORD.

HE ALWAYS DOES.

PRESTON.

MOM, DO YOU MIND?

I NEED TO TALK TO IRINA.

HI.

YOUR FATHER TOLD ME
YOU CALLED OFF THE WEDDING.

OBVIOUSLY, I THINK
YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING.

(voice breaking)
I KNOW YOU HATE ME RIGHT NOW,

AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I AM OKAY WITH THAT.

(sniffles)

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

I WOULD RATHER
HAVE YOU RESENT ME

OR EVEN CUT ME OFF
COMPLETELY

THAN TO ALLOW YOU
TO MAKE A MISTAKE

THAT COULD RUIN YOUR LIFE.
SO GO AHEAD.

HATE ME
FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT,

AND WHEN YOU ARE DONE,
I WILL BE HERE WAITING.

MWAH. (sniffles)

TRY NOT TO TAKE TOO LONG,
'CAUSE I MISS YOU ALREADY.

HEY.

HEY. WHERE YOU GOING?

MOTEL,

TILL I GET FLIGHT
OUT OF THIS HORRIBLE PLACE.

WHAT? THE SCAVOS COULDN'T
EVEN GIVE YOU A LIFT?

THAT'S HARSH.

I WANT NOTHING
FROM THE SCAVOS.

THEY'RE DEAD TO ME.

LUCKY FOR YOU,

I AM NOT A SCAVO.

(chuckles)

(sighs)

SORRY ABOUT THE WEDDING.

IT'S PRESTON'S LOSS, MAN.

I MEAN, HE'LL NEVER GET
SOMEONE AS HOT AS YOU AGAIN.

I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

SURE.
YOU KNOW, I GET THAT.

YOU KNOW,
IF YOU WANNA SAVE MONEY,

YOU COULD--YOU COULD
ALWAYS SKIP THE MOTEL

AND STAY AT MY PLACE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

NO, I PROMISE,
NO--NO FUNNY BUSINESS.

I MEAN...

UNLESS YOU WANT SOME.

(chuckles)

YEAH, I-I MEAN,
THINK OF IT AS A--

AS A TRANSITION RELATIONSHIP.

IT'LL HELP YOU
GET OVER PRESTON.

I-I HAVE NO PROBLEM
LETTING YOU USE ME--

OKAY, ENOUGH.

I'M A LITTLE OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE,
DON'T YOU THINK?

(chuckles) I MEAN,
I DIDN'T COME TO AMERICA

TO END UP WITH SOME
GREASY-HAIRED LITTLE BOY.

(laughs)

(tires screech)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

EDDIE?

(Irina screams,
Eddie grunting)

(Irina chokes)

WE ALL KNOW THAT EVIL EXISTS.

THE NEWSPAPERS ARE FILLED
WITH STORIES

ABOUT YOUNG GIRLS
WHO SUDDENLY VANISH.

(engine starts)
BUT WE DON'T PAY ATTENTION

BECAUSE WE'RE WORRIED
ABOUT OUR MARRIAGES...

CONCERNED ABOUT
OUR FRIENDSHIPS...

ANXIOUS ABOUT OUR EMPLOYEES.

YES, WE DON'T PAY ATTENTION
TO EVIL

BECAUSE WE THINK IT WILL NEVER
COME TO OUR HOUSE.

BUT IT DOES.

HEY, MRS. SCAVO. I'M HERE
TO PICK UP PORTER FOR SCHOOL.

AND SOMETIMES...

HOW YOU DOIN'?

GOOD.

WE LET IT IN.