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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 2 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,087 (PIANO PLAYING CHRISTMAS SONG) 3 00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:20,144 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 4 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,280 Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas! 5 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,573 Hey, guys. 6 00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:54,220 - Merry Christmas. - Thanks. 7 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,388 - Hey! - (MUSIC ENDS) 8 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:58,516 MR. WHITTLE: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention? 9 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:02,311 This has been our best year ever thanks to Do-it-All-For-You-Dolly. 10 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,730 (GUESTS CHEERING) 11 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:07,108 And I think we should give a special thanks to the people 12 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,944 responsible for our record-breaking sales, 13 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:13,656 our Midwest marketing and distribution team, 14 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,367 - Scott Calvin and Susan Perry! - MAN: Yeah! 15 00:01:16,452 --> 00:01:20,830 - (ALL CHEERING) - Let's hear it for 'em! Come on! 16 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:24,333 Susan, darling, come on up here. Aren't they adorable? 17 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,210 Say a few words. 18 00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,797 Thank you very much. This was really a team effort. 19 00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:32,550 I would just want to thank every one of you individually... 20 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,218 But we don't have time for that, do we? 21 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:35,386 (ALL LAUGHING) 22 00:01:35,471 --> 00:01:37,930 In all seriousness, here at B&R Toys, 23 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:41,267 we're not just about making a profit in quality toys. 24 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:46,272 We're also about families. But our families aren't here with us right now. 25 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,941 Which is probably why Johnson's secretary is sitting in his lap. 26 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,779 (CHUCKLING) You guys have a great party. Have a great year. 27 00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:55,072 Drive safe. Thanks very much. 28 00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,783 (ALL APPLAUDING) 29 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,328 Aren't they wonderful? 30 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,664 (ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS) 31 00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,750 SCOTT: Laura, I was hoping to catch you before you'd left your house. 32 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:10,046 I ran real late today. You wouldn't believe the traffic out here. 33 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,632 - (HORN HONKING) - Yeah, same to you! 34 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:15,384 And that's not very ladylike! 35 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,262 (CHUCKLES) Anyway, I'll try to get to my house as soon as I can. 36 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,014 Oh. There's the problem right there. 37 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:23,476 Three car pileup. I'm really gonna be late. 38 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,645 (SINGING) Hark, carol bells, sweet silver bells 39 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,814 All seem to sing, throw cares away 40 00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,982 Christmas is here bringing good cheer 41 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:32,068 To young and old, meek and the bold 42 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,195 Ding dong and dong, balance in song 43 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,239 Ring joyful ring, all caroling 44 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,241 One seems to hear Words of good cheer 45 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,409 From everywhere, filling the air 46 00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:42,453 Oh, how they pound, raising the sound 47 00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,580 Go hand in hand, calling in the town 48 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,541 Gaily they ring while people sing 49 00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,709 Songs of good cheer Christmas is here 50 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:52,839 Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas 51 00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:54,841 On we will sing, dawn with a hymn 52 00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,009 Angel will come to every home 53 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,011 Hark, carol bells, sweet silver bells 54 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,055 All seem to sing, throw cares away 55 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,015 Hark, carol bells, sweet silver bells 56 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,184 One seems to hear Words of good cheer 57 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,019 From everywhere, filling the air 58 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,230 Oh, how they pound, raising the sound 59 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,315 Go hand in hand, calling in the town 60 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,234 Gaily they ring while people sing 61 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,069 Songs of good cheer Christmas is here 62 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:19,448 Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas 63 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,325 On we will sing, dawn with a hymn 64 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,411 Angel will come to every home 65 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,705 On we will sing, dawn with a hymn 66 00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:28,791 Angel will come to every home 67 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,629 Ding dong ding 68 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,214 Dong 69 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,804 (SIGHS) 70 00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,557 LAURA: All right, let's go. 71 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,435 - Bye, Charlie. - CHARLIE: Bye, Neal. 72 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,649 Oh! Sorry I'm late. Hi. 73 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,902 - Hi. - Did you want to come in for a minute? 74 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,279 - Neal's waiting in the car, so... - Why doesn't he come in? 75 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,407 'Cause, Daddy, he says you'll just end up saying something snotty. 76 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,994 Not necessarily. Could be rude or sarcastic. Whatever it takes. 77 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,495 See? I gotta go. 78 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,707 Come on, come on. Christmas Eve. Just a minute. 79 00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,837 Watch those steps. They're real slippery. 80 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:15,922 (LAURA GRUNTS) 81 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,340 SCOTT: Told ya. 82 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,181 - So... - Well... 83 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,350 (LAURA CLEARS THROAT) 84 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,601 SCOTT: You going to your mom's for dinner? 85 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,603 Actually, we're gonna be with Neal's family. 86 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,355 Ah! Christmas at the pound. 87 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,439 (IMITATING DOG HOWLING) 88 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,523 (IMITATING CAT HISSING) 89 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:35,608 (IMITATING CAT MEOWING) 90 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,818 There aren't that many presents over there. 91 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:42,323 - That's because Santa isn't here yet. - Neal doesn't believe in Santa. 92 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,784 - Well, Neal's head comes to a point. - (CAR HORN HONKING) 93 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:48,704 - He's smart. He's a doctor. - He's not a doctor, he's a psychiatrist. 94 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,915 Take your coat off. You're sticking around, aren't ya? 95 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,375 (CONTINUES HONKING) 96 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,419 I'll be right there. Just a sec. 97 00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:58,965 - I just want to... - Did that jerk tell Charlie 98 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,800 there was no Santa Claus? 99 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:05,805 What? No. Oh, Charlie came home from school the other day in tears 100 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:09,475 because some big kid told him there was no such thing as Santa. 101 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,811 And, you know Neal. Well, he sat him down and... 102 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,646 SCOTT: And told him there was a Santa Claus. 103 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,816 Well, all he said was that Santa was more like a feeling. 104 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,443 You know, more like a state of mind than a person. 105 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,320 Kind of like Neal. 106 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:24,824 And who gave you permission to tell Charlie there's no Santa Claus? 107 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:28,327 I think if we're going to destroy our son's illusions, I should be a part of it. 108 00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:29,495 Yeah, but you're never around, 109 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:30,871 - are you, Scott? - Oh, please. 110 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:32,707 LAURA: Listen, all we are trying to do is give 111 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,167 Charlie a firm grasp on reality. 112 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,585 That's a good idea. 113 00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,838 You don't want kids running around using their imaginations. 114 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,631 Oh, yeah. That's from the guy responsible 115 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,591 - for the Do-It-All-For-You-Dolly. - Leave her out of this. 116 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,802 (SINGING) "Don't you burp me Don't you change me, I'm the dolly..." 117 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:47,179 Why do you guys always have to fight? 118 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,141 We're not fighting. It's your mom singing. 119 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,892 It sounds a lot like fighting, doesn't it? 120 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,561 Cats, even. (IMITATING CAT YOWLING) 121 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,563 The trouble is, Neal and your mom, 122 00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:58,149 they don't believe in Santa because they were real naughty. 123 00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,776 Which is why they'll probably get lumps of coal in their stockings. 124 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:05,865 I don't know. It seems kind of babyish to believe in that kind of stuff. 125 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:09,201 What are you talking about? I believe in Santa Claus. I'm not a baby. 126 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,370 - Well... - Maybe it's time you left. 127 00:06:11,455 --> 00:06:14,623 We don't want to keep Dr. Pinhead waiting. 128 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,794 LAURA: Come here. 129 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,257 Do I gotta stay? 130 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,261 LAURA: Listen, you and your daddy 131 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:30,347 are gonna have a great Christmas, okay? 132 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,100 - Will you pick me up tomorrow? - Of course. 133 00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:35,102 - Early? - Yes. 134 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,229 We're talking sunup, you're here? 135 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,065 (LAURA CHUCKLING) 136 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:42,902 You'll be fine. Merry Christmas, Charlie. I love you. 137 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,571 I love you, too, Mom. 138 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:51,410 - You be a good boy, okay? - Bye, Mom. 139 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:52,912 (DOOR OPENS) 140 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,705 Four hours? 141 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:55,915 (DOOR CLOSES) 142 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,708 (CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING) 143 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:05,174 I'm dreaming 144 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:09,303 Of a white Christmas 145 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:13,516 WOMAN ON TV: Your Christmas will be perfect... 146 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,393 with its own built-in turkey timer. 147 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:20,272 Where those treetops glisten 148 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:21,649 MAN ON TV: And now, we return you 149 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,901 to the most cherished of Christmas stories, 150 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:28,781 Miracle on 34th Street, starring... 151 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,033 (FIRE EXTINGUISHER BLASTING) 152 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,874 (SIGHS) 153 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,044 Ah. 154 00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:47,133 That is exactly why you want a high-quality fire extinguisher 155 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,467 right in the kitchen. 156 00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,970 Those flames were really big, Dad. 157 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,514 Well, turkey's funny that way. 158 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,558 Dad! 159 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,736 It's done! 160 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:09,822 (BRAKES SQUEALING) 161 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:13,159 You like osso buco, Charlie? 162 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:17,830 - They're closed. - You know, Neal's a real good cook. 163 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:21,167 SCOTT: Yeah, and you should see him walk on water. 164 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,002 CHARLIE: You don't like him very much, do you, Dad? 165 00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:26,172 Charlie, yeah. I was joking, okay? I'm sorry. I was just kidding around. 166 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:29,842 I like him a lot... Yeah, sure, I like him. You know, there... 167 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:33,053 There's just something about him that makes me wanna... 168 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,638 Lash out irrationally. 169 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,183 Where did you hear that? 170 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:41,228 From Neal. I learn a lot from him. He listens to me. 171 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,898 Yeah. Then he charges you for it. 172 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,650 (EXHALES) 173 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:54,950 I'm dreaming 174 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,412 Of a white Christmas 175 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:02,374 All right. Denny's. It's always open. 176 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:05,044 I don't wanna eat here. 177 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,378 What're you talking about? 178 00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,340 Everybody likes Denny's. It's an American institution. 179 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:10,966 (SPEAKING JAPANESE) 180 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,969 (CROWD CONVERSING IN JAPANESE) 181 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,643 - Are you with Hatsutashi? - No. 182 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:24,980 - Dad burned the turkey. - Oh, yeah. This way. Come on. 183 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,362 - Right over there. - Thank you. 184 00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:34,198 (CLEARS THROAT) 185 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,999 - WAITRESS: Here we go. - Burn the turkey? 186 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,043 (CHUCKLES) 187 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,462 WAITRESS: Coffee? 188 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,965 No, thank you, Judy. 189 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,216 (CHUCKLING) 190 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:56,512 What do you say we start out with cold glasses 191 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,306 of delicious seasonal favorite eggnog? 192 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,602 - I don't like eggnog. - We're out. 193 00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:06,063 - Coffee. Decaf. - Mmm-hmm. 194 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:09,066 - I'll have chocolate milk, please. - WAITRESS: We're out. 195 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,568 Plain milk's fine. 196 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,320 Okay. 197 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,239 At least we know they got hot apple pie. 198 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,408 - We did. - Mmm-hmm. 199 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,544 This is nice. 200 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:36,468 SCOTT: "And Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap 201 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,138 "had just settled down for a long winter's nap. 202 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,724 "When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, 203 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,310 "I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. 204 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:48,022 "Away to the window I flew like a flash. 205 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,691 "With a miniature sleigh and St. Nick... 206 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,610 "And Prancer and Dancer... 207 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,739 "...and to all a good night." 208 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,832 CHARLIE: What's that? 209 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,668 - What's what? - "A Rose Suchak ladder"? 210 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:13,547 It's not a ladder. I said, "Arose such a clatter." 211 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:16,800 - It means, "Came a big noise." - What? 212 00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:23,349 Charlie, "arose" is a word that means "it came," 213 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,851 and "clatter" is a big noise. 214 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,394 Now please, go to sleep. Shut your eyes. 215 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,066 How do reindeer fly? They don't have any wings. 216 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:35,569 - Fairy dust. - That's from Peter Pan, Dad. 217 00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:38,864 - Horns. - Antlers. 218 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:42,701 Whatever. Their antlers give them... 219 00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:44,870 You know, there's a slipstream effect. 220 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,873 The air goes... They move... They're weightless. 221 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:51,210 But if Santa's so fat, how did he get down the chimneys? 222 00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,003 He sucks it in like Grandpa. 223 00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:54,713 What about people who don't have fireplaces? 224 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:55,881 How does he get into their house? 225 00:11:55,965 --> 00:12:00,469 Charlie, sometimes believing in something means you... 226 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:04,973 Means you just believe in it. 227 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,352 Santa uses reindeer to fly because that's how he has to get around. 228 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:12,189 But you do believe in Santa, right, Dad? 229 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,903 Of course I believe in Santa. Now please, go to sleep. 230 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,328 Dad? 231 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,539 What is it, Charlie? 232 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:33,043 Maybe you better leave some cookies and milk out, just in case, okay? 233 00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:37,131 Great. I'll just go preheat the oven. 234 00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:41,009 CHARLIE: And don't forget the fire extinguisher. 235 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,470 Good night, Charlie. 236 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,848 (SIGHS) 237 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,060 (BELLS JINGLING) 238 00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,395 (JET ENGINE WHOOSHING) 239 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,108 (CHIMING) 240 00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,529 - SANTA: (FAINTLY) Ho! - (THUDDING) 241 00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,783 Settle down there. 242 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,414 (DOG BARKING) 243 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:11,874 (STOMPING) 244 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,963 (QUIETLY) Dad! Dad! 245 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,298 (SNORTING) 246 00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:23,135 - What? - I heard a clatter! 247 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,219 What, Charlie? 248 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,888 - (CLATTERING) - There! A clatter. 249 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:29,975 - Charlie, what're you talking about? - You know, "It came a big noise"? 250 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:34,146 - It's coming from outside! - Charlie, it's just the wind or something. 251 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,191 - Come on, let's go back to bed. - (THUDDING) 252 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,696 - Somebody's on the roof. - Maybe it's Santa. 253 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:46,825 Not now, Charlie. I want you to sit here, and I want you to stay right there. 254 00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:52,623 - Charlie, do you know how to call 911? - Sure. 911. 255 00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,710 Yeah, great. Stay there. 256 00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:10,933 Hey, you! 257 00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,559 Oops! Whoa! 258 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,187 Whoa, whoa! 259 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,813 Whoa! 260 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,148 (SANTA SHOUTING) 261 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,108 (THUD) 262 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,624 Whoo-hoo! 263 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,210 - (BELLS JINGLING) - Hey, buddy. 264 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:44,007 All right. You should just stay still. Perfect. 265 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,053 You got him! 266 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:52,057 Charlie, stay where you are. Charlie, would you listen to me? Stay up there! 267 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:55,727 It is Santa! You killed him. 268 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:58,564 Did not! It is not Santa. 269 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:01,233 Well, he was. 270 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,736 He's got some ID on him, I bet. 271 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:08,073 Fella, if you can hear me, I'm just looking for your identification. 272 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,659 Once I figure out who you are, I'll give you a lift back to the mall. 273 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,581 "If something should happen to me, put on my suit. 274 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:19,209 "The reindeer will know what to do." Yeah, right. 275 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,919 (BELLS CHIMING) 276 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,141 Whoa. 277 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,630 Dad! 278 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,717 SCOTT: Hey. CHARLIE: He disappeared! 279 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:10,552 Whoa. 280 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,013 He's naked somewhere. 281 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,724 You gonna put on the suit like the card said? 282 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:16,850 - Are you? - No. No. 283 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,644 Come on, Dad. I wanna go, too. 284 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,812 Stop it, Charlie. We're not going anywhere. 285 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,022 You never do what I wanna do! 286 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:24,900 Would you please be quiet for a minute so I can figure this out? 287 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,401 (SIGHS) 288 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,446 Reindeer up on the roof. 289 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,531 Santa suit laying on the ground. 290 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,076 Guy fell. Not my fault. 291 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:39,414 Reindeer on the roof. That is hard to explain. 292 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,707 It's the ladder. 293 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:42,793 (GROANS) 294 00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:47,589 Where the hell'd this come from? 295 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:52,094 Look here, Dad. "The Rose Suchak Ladder Company." 296 00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,428 Huh? 297 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,682 "Out by the roof there's a Rose Suchak ladder." 298 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:59,810 - Just like the poem. - Just like the poem? 299 00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:03,939 Charlie, come on down from there. Charlie, get down from there! 300 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:07,651 Dad! You gotta see this! 301 00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:10,195 SCOTT: Don't touch anything. CHARLIE: It's great! 302 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,698 I'm just gonna call the police. I'll carry this stuff up there. 303 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,199 Let them deal with it, okay? 304 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,450 (SOFT MOANING) 305 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,910 (LAUGHING) 306 00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:18,787 Whoa. 307 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,664 This guy was huge. 308 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,333 - Dad, isn't this neat? - (MOANING CONTINUES) 309 00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:27,254 Charlie. Charlie! Stay away from those things. 310 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,464 They're reindeer. You don't know where they've been. 311 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:33,009 They all look like they've got key lime disease. 312 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,345 (FARTS) 313 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,682 (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Easy, Rudolph. 314 00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,183 (GRUNTING) 315 00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,187 Excuse me. Comet. 316 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:47,232 Dad! Check out Santa's sleigh! 317 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,735 There's no such thing as Santa's sleigh. 318 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:53,029 Sure there is. You said you believed in Santa. 319 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,282 - Right? - I did? I do! 320 00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,075 What about the reindeer? 321 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,453 These are Santa's reindeer, aren't they? 322 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,496 I hope not. 323 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,124 These are 324 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,544 a gift. 325 00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:12,048 Probably from the cable company. 326 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:15,051 We're getting the Disney Channel now. Merry Christmas. 327 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:18,555 - Now, hop out of there, please. - I don't wanna go. 328 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,766 Listen, Charlie, I'm not kidding. 329 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,184 (SHOUTING) Let's go! 330 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,935 (GROANING) 331 00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:25,979 Yeah, let's go! 332 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,564 (CHARLIE SHOUTING GLEEFULLY) 333 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,775 (SCREAMING) 334 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:34,946 Charlie! 335 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:38,825 Hold on, Charlie! (SCREAMING) 336 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,455 CHARLIE: Whoa! 337 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:50,545 Giddyap, Comet! Whoa, let's go! 338 00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,425 Dad, climb up here. 339 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,219 (GRUNTING) 340 00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,929 There we go. 341 00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:02,933 So, if we go straight on this road and we hit I-94... 342 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,403 (SCOTT SCREAMING) 343 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,574 (SCOTT GRUNTS) 344 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:25,997 Well, we made good time. Now what do we do? 345 00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:28,708 - Get the bag of toys! - And do what? 346 00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:32,003 - Go down the chimney. - Down the chimney! 347 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,840 You want me to take the toys down the chimney 348 00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:38,009 into a strange house in my underwear? 349 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:41,179 No. You got to put the suit on first. 350 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:44,641 You know what we're gonna do, is we're gonna get out of here 351 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:48,395 because this whole thing is stupid. 352 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:51,648 How come everything I want to do is stupid? 353 00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,821 I didn't say that. 354 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,950 (SOFT GRUNT) 355 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:18,508 Freezing my nubs off out here, and you want me to get into a Santa costume. 356 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,886 This is great. A Santa costume. 357 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:25,098 Oh, this thing. You never know where it's been. 358 00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:27,392 A thousand malls. 359 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:32,105 Well, I hope you're happy, Comet. Hope you're happy. But most of all, 360 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:35,609 I hope the guy that lives here is a tailor! 361 00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:38,194 Nice coat. 362 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,949 Well, how do I look? Nice? 363 00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:45,744 - You forgot the sash. - You're right. 364 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:48,246 This completes the ensemble. 365 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,584 All right. Got my boots. 366 00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:55,879 Now I've got the suit on. How am I supposed to know what to leave? 367 00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:57,422 Maybe there's a list. 368 00:20:57,506 --> 00:21:00,842 A list. How silly of me. Of course there's a list. 369 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,638 (PANICKED SHOUTING) 370 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,431 Careful, Dad! 371 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,478 - I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay! - Look! You're flying! 372 00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:14,314 It's okay, I'm used to it. I lived through the '60s. 373 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,650 Whoa, whoa, whoa! (GROANING) 374 00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,990 (SCREAMING) 375 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,034 (GRUNTING) 376 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,702 (GROANING) 377 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,692 (LIGHT THUDDING) 378 00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:00,777 (GROWLING) 379 00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:03,697 Nice teeth. 380 00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:05,573 (BARKING) 381 00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:08,743 - MAN: Who's down there? - (ALARM BLARING) 382 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:10,203 (WHIMPERING) 383 00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:14,082 It's the holidays. Come on, come on. 384 00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:15,458 (CONTINUES BARKING) 385 00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:16,835 (GUNSHOT) 386 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,756 Hey, Charles! Need a little help down here! 387 00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:24,259 - (SCOTT GRUNTS) - (CHIMNEY BELCHES) 388 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:25,844 Whoa! 389 00:22:25,928 --> 00:22:29,222 How'd you do that? What'd it feel like, Dad? 390 00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:31,725 It felt like America's Most Wanted! 391 00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:35,186 Now pull me in, quick! We gotta get outta here. 392 00:22:35,271 --> 00:22:36,479 (GRUNTING) 393 00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:39,983 Thanks. We gotta go home. How do you start this thing? 394 00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:41,943 - (LOUD RUMBLING) - Just like that! 395 00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:47,615 (HOUSE ALARM CONTINUES) 396 00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,576 Whoa. 397 00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:53,788 This could be a really long night. 398 00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:56,166 - (REINDEER GRUNTING) - Do it again, Dad. 399 00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:57,625 Please? 400 00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:01,171 I can't. That thing's empty. 401 00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,631 (GRUNTING) 402 00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:05,508 There's nothing in the bag. 403 00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:06,676 (GROWLING) 404 00:23:06,761 --> 00:23:09,304 Even if there was, didn't you notice there's no chimney? 405 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,805 Where there's no chimney, there's no fireplace. 406 00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:12,474 (CONTINUES GROWLING) 407 00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:15,018 Are you growling at me? 408 00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:16,686 (GRUNTS) 409 00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:21,691 Look, Comet, like I said, there is nothing left... 410 00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:26,905 That's so weird, because I know when I did that... No, no, no, no, no! 411 00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:30,283 Hold it! There's no chimney here! 412 00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:32,368 Can you hear me? No chimney, all right? 413 00:23:32,453 --> 00:23:35,038 Looking good, Dad! 414 00:23:35,122 --> 00:23:37,582 You have got to be kidding! 415 00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:40,251 Come on! Look at the size of this thing! 416 00:23:40,336 --> 00:23:41,669 (GROANING) 417 00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:43,505 (GRUNTING) 418 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:45,381 (GULPING) 419 00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:50,261 (GROANING) 420 00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:54,349 Weird! Ow. 421 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:01,397 (GROANS) 422 00:24:04,235 --> 00:24:05,777 (SIGHING) 423 00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:10,740 - Santa? - Scott Calvin. 424 00:24:11,242 --> 00:24:13,576 How come your clothes are so baggy? 425 00:24:13,661 --> 00:24:18,414 Because Santa is watching his saturated fats. 426 00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:22,085 - How come you don't have a beard? - Because I shaved! 427 00:24:23,087 --> 00:24:26,089 Do you want this doll or not? Go back to sleep. 428 00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:30,176 (ORNAMENT BREAKING) 429 00:24:33,013 --> 00:24:35,306 You're supposed to drink the milk. 430 00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:38,101 Look, I am lactose intolerant. 431 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:43,439 And I am just about this close to taking all those presents back up the chimney. 432 00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:47,694 (MOCKING TONE) "Supposed to drink the milk"! 433 00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:50,905 Shut your eyes! 434 00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:53,700 Oh! 435 00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,747 CHARLIE: How do you get in without a fireplace? 436 00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:00,874 SCOTT: I don't know. 437 00:25:00,958 --> 00:25:03,668 - One just kind of appeared. - CHARLIE: Awesome! 438 00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:05,086 (SCOTT CHUCKLING) 439 00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,213 (SIGHS) 440 00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:13,761 (GRUNTING) Oh, boy! 441 00:25:15,681 --> 00:25:17,098 (GLASS SHATTERING) 442 00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:38,995 (CRASHING) 443 00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:58,056 Charlie, look at the clouds over here. Aren't they pretty? 444 00:25:58,140 --> 00:25:59,474 Charlie! 445 00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:01,684 - (CHARLIE GIGGLING) - (DOG BARKING) 446 00:26:15,115 --> 00:26:16,324 Yah! 447 00:26:25,918 --> 00:26:28,878 All right. Morning, fellas. 448 00:26:28,963 --> 00:26:32,757 Morning, sport. We're done, Comet. Ho-ho-ho. 449 00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:35,093 Back to the house. 450 00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:38,513 Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. 451 00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:41,683 When I wake up, I'm getting a CAT scan! 452 00:26:58,826 --> 00:27:00,576 (REINDEER BLEATING) 453 00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:03,788 CHARLIE: Is this okay, Dad? 454 00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:07,375 No, it's not okay! 455 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:11,421 Hey, does this look like home to you guys? 456 00:27:12,131 --> 00:27:13,798 No, no! No, no, no, no! 457 00:27:13,882 --> 00:27:17,302 Hey, hey! Where you going? Come back here! 458 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:18,845 Oh. 459 00:27:19,346 --> 00:27:20,972 (GRUNTING) 460 00:27:25,394 --> 00:27:26,394 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 461 00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:31,024 In the silence of the night 462 00:27:31,692 --> 00:27:33,359 When the snow... 463 00:27:33,444 --> 00:27:36,654 Hey, hey! Hey, buddy! 464 00:27:36,739 --> 00:27:39,699 You, sir! Hey! 465 00:27:39,783 --> 00:27:41,576 You can see a magic light 466 00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:45,913 And hear the ring of Christmas bells 467 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,373 Can you hear me? 468 00:27:47,541 --> 00:27:51,878 Though the night seems long and dark 469 00:27:51,962 --> 00:27:54,213 It is the earth... 470 00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:57,008 - What's that? - I don't know. 471 00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:59,635 I think it's the North Pole. 472 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,929 That's the North Pole? 473 00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:04,015 Hey, buddy, we need some help. 474 00:28:04,099 --> 00:28:07,935 Hello! What are you doing? 475 00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:12,648 So close your eyes and come with me 476 00:28:13,776 --> 00:28:19,197 The Christmas bells will bring you home 477 00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:36,964 (BLEATING) 478 00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,804 ELF: Hey, look! Here comes the new Santa! 479 00:28:42,888 --> 00:28:46,224 And now with song we fill the night 480 00:28:46,308 --> 00:28:49,394 While magic dances in the light 481 00:28:49,478 --> 00:28:52,563 To wish you now and all the year 482 00:28:52,648 --> 00:28:55,233 The joy that comes with Christmas cheer 483 00:28:55,317 --> 00:28:56,401 Sit back. 484 00:28:56,485 --> 00:28:58,986 Hear our voices fill the air 485 00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:02,156 To drive the winter's cold away 486 00:29:02,241 --> 00:29:05,743 And so our hearts with all will share 487 00:29:05,828 --> 00:29:12,375 The love that comes with Christmas day 488 00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:17,672 The Christmas bells will bring you home 489 00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:19,132 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 490 00:29:19,216 --> 00:29:20,299 (REINDEER GULPING) 491 00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:29,434 - Where are all the grownups? - This is so cool! 492 00:29:29,518 --> 00:29:31,436 Stay here. 493 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,939 Hey, kid, kid. Kid, who's in charge here? 494 00:29:35,023 --> 00:29:36,858 (CHUCKLING) You are. And I'm not a kid. 495 00:29:36,942 --> 00:29:40,903 I've pointy shoes that are older than you. I'm an elf. 496 00:29:40,988 --> 00:29:43,781 You guys, or you girls. 497 00:29:43,866 --> 00:29:45,366 Who gives the orders? Who's your boss? 498 00:29:45,451 --> 00:29:47,368 - You are. - No, no, no. 499 00:29:47,453 --> 00:29:49,704 - Who's the head elf? - You are! 500 00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:52,248 Hey! Who's causing all the trouble around here? 501 00:29:52,332 --> 00:29:53,708 - He is. - She is. 502 00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:56,127 Excuse me, are we on a coffee break? 503 00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:59,714 - We don't drink coffee. - Then I guess the break is over. 504 00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:02,133 Back to work. Thanks. 505 00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:05,052 Take it easy on her, will ya? Who are you? 506 00:30:05,137 --> 00:30:08,139 I'm Bernard. Nice to meet ya, Santa. 507 00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:10,766 I'm not Santa! I've had a rough night. 508 00:30:10,851 --> 00:30:12,810 There's been dogs barking, guns going off. 509 00:30:12,895 --> 00:30:14,395 Look, my back's killing me. 510 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,230 Have you ever tried to shove a sea kayak down a chimney? 511 00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:17,648 I'm tired of this small talk. 512 00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:18,733 Hmm. 513 00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:22,445 The other Santa disappeared, right? 514 00:30:23,113 --> 00:30:26,657 Wait a minute. Hey! I know where this is going. 515 00:30:26,742 --> 00:30:29,911 It wasn't my fault. The other guy fell. It was an accident. 516 00:30:29,995 --> 00:30:32,997 I've got homeowner's insurance and a good attorney. 517 00:30:33,081 --> 00:30:36,167 Not as good as my wife's, but let's not open up that wound. 518 00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:39,295 Hold it a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 519 00:30:39,379 --> 00:30:41,130 How did you know the other guy was gone? 520 00:30:41,215 --> 00:30:44,133 - Can I get you a drink? - No, I don't want a drink. 521 00:30:44,218 --> 00:30:46,677 I'm thirsty, and hungry, too. 522 00:30:46,762 --> 00:30:49,013 Charlie, I thought I told you to stay in the sleigh. 523 00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:50,223 Who's this? 524 00:30:51,725 --> 00:30:53,184 This is my son, Charlie. 525 00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:56,020 I'm sorry. Charlie, this is... (STAMMERING) 526 00:30:56,104 --> 00:30:57,688 - Bernard. - Bernard. 527 00:30:57,773 --> 00:30:59,815 - Hi, Bernard. - Hiya, sport. 528 00:31:00,651 --> 00:31:02,109 Hey, Dad, he called me "sport" 529 00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:03,861 - just like you. - Wonderful. 530 00:31:03,946 --> 00:31:06,656 Hey, you know what? I got something for you. 531 00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:09,700 Okay, now hold out your hand, all right? 532 00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:14,163 Now, be very careful. This is very old, just like me. 533 00:31:17,292 --> 00:31:18,668 Shake it up, Charlie. 534 00:31:22,965 --> 00:31:24,924 (BELLS JINGLING) 535 00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:32,056 Wow. 536 00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:36,394 Why don't you hold onto it for me for a while? It might come in handy. 537 00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:39,897 Thanks. Thanks a lot. 538 00:31:40,816 --> 00:31:43,317 I promise I'll take real good care of it. 539 00:31:43,402 --> 00:31:45,861 Make sure you do. 540 00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:48,322 I will. 541 00:31:48,407 --> 00:31:50,533 Hey, Dad, look! 542 00:31:52,411 --> 00:31:55,329 Fabulous ball. Hey, Barabbas. 543 00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:57,206 - Bernard! - Bernard. 544 00:31:57,291 --> 00:31:59,750 Can we take a direct flight back to reality 545 00:31:59,835 --> 00:32:01,419 or do we have to change planes in Denver? 546 00:32:01,503 --> 00:32:03,337 Larry, take Charlie here and get him some chow. 547 00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:04,797 No, Larry, don't do that. Charlie! 548 00:32:04,881 --> 00:32:07,675 He'll be okay. Follow me, you'll want to get out of those clothes. 549 00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:10,678 I... No, look, Barnaby, I just want to go home. 550 00:32:11,346 --> 00:32:12,847 (TOYS CLANGING) 551 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:15,016 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) 552 00:32:35,329 --> 00:32:38,080 Look, I am not Santa Claus! 553 00:32:38,874 --> 00:32:40,041 Ah. 554 00:32:40,375 --> 00:32:42,460 Did you or did you not read the card? 555 00:32:42,544 --> 00:32:44,795 - Yeah, I read the card. - Then you're the new Santa. 556 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,340 In putting on the hat and jacket, you accepted the contract. 557 00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:49,091 What contract? 558 00:32:49,176 --> 00:32:51,636 The card in the Santa suit. You said you read it, right? 559 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,889 So when you put on the suit, you fell subject to the Santa Clause. 560 00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:56,474 - Here. - The Santa Claus? 561 00:32:56,558 --> 00:32:58,392 You mean the guy that fell off my roof? 562 00:32:58,477 --> 00:33:01,937 No, no, no. Not Santa Claus the person, Santa Clause the clause. 563 00:33:02,022 --> 00:33:03,439 What? 564 00:33:04,441 --> 00:33:05,650 Look, you're a businessman, right? 565 00:33:05,734 --> 00:33:06,734 - Yeah. - Okay. 566 00:33:06,818 --> 00:33:09,904 A clause, as in the last line of a contract. 567 00:33:11,573 --> 00:33:13,157 You got the card? 568 00:33:14,159 --> 00:33:16,661 Okay, look. (EXHALES DEEPLY) 569 00:33:16,745 --> 00:33:19,789 The Santa Clause, "In putting on this suit and entering the sleigh, 570 00:33:19,873 --> 00:33:22,500 "the wearer waives any and all rights to any previous identity, 571 00:33:22,584 --> 00:33:23,584 "real or implied, 572 00:33:23,669 --> 00:33:26,087 "and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities 573 00:33:26,171 --> 00:33:28,339 "of Santa Claus in perpetuity 574 00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:30,966 "until such time that wearer becomes unable to do so 575 00:33:31,051 --> 00:33:34,512 - "by either accident or design." - What does that mean? 576 00:33:34,596 --> 00:33:36,806 It means you put on the suit, you're the big guy. 577 00:33:36,890 --> 00:33:38,182 That's ridiculous. I didn't put on a suit just to... 578 00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:40,309 Try to understand this! 579 00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:41,602 ELVES: Ooh. 580 00:33:43,397 --> 00:33:45,606 Let me explain something to you, okay? 581 00:33:45,691 --> 00:33:47,775 Toys have to be delivered. I'm not gonna do it. 582 00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:49,694 It's not my job. I'm just an elf. 583 00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:53,030 It's Santa's job, but Santa fell off a roof, your roof. 584 00:33:53,115 --> 00:33:54,865 You read the card, you put on the suit. 585 00:33:54,950 --> 00:33:56,534 That clearly falls under the Santa Clause. 586 00:33:56,618 --> 00:33:58,953 - Now you're Santa, okay? - A question. 587 00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,830 - What? - When can I get outta here? 588 00:34:00,914 --> 00:34:03,040 Dad, you gotta see this place! 589 00:34:03,125 --> 00:34:04,417 You leave tomorrow morning. 590 00:34:04,501 --> 00:34:06,210 You have 11 months to get your affairs in order, 591 00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,045 and you're due back here Thanksgiving. 592 00:34:08,130 --> 00:34:09,505 I'm not coming back here on Thanksgiving. 593 00:34:09,589 --> 00:34:11,799 I'll ship the list to your house. 594 00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:15,136 - What list? - Come on, now. The list. 595 00:34:19,224 --> 00:34:20,641 (SINGING) He's making a list 596 00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:22,560 Checking it twice 597 00:34:22,644 --> 00:34:26,397 ELVES: Gonna find out who's naughty or nice 598 00:34:26,481 --> 00:34:28,816 Ugh. Look, you put a "P" next to the kids who are nice 599 00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:30,359 and a "C" next to the naughty ones. 600 00:34:30,444 --> 00:34:31,694 "P" and "C"? 601 00:34:31,778 --> 00:34:34,739 Yeah! "P" for present, "C" for coal, right, Bernard? 602 00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:36,073 Right! 603 00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:37,700 Wait a minute! How do I know who's good and bad? 604 00:34:37,784 --> 00:34:40,911 - You'll know. - What if I don't wanna do this? 605 00:34:40,996 --> 00:34:44,081 - Don't even kid about a thing like that! - Why not? 606 00:34:44,166 --> 00:34:46,542 What if I don't buy into this Santa Claus thing? 607 00:34:46,710 --> 00:34:49,336 What if I choose not to believe it? 608 00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:50,796 (SILENCE) 609 00:35:00,849 --> 00:35:05,603 Then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world. 610 00:35:05,687 --> 00:35:10,316 You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts. 611 00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:14,820 You wouldn't want to be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas, 612 00:35:14,905 --> 00:35:18,240 now, would you, Santa? 613 00:35:20,619 --> 00:35:24,205 Judy will take you to your room. Get out of the suit, it needs to be cleaned. 614 00:35:24,289 --> 00:35:26,707 - And taken in. - Then get some sleep. 615 00:35:26,792 --> 00:35:30,753 We've got a lot of work to do and only a year in which to do it. 616 00:35:31,588 --> 00:35:33,214 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) 617 00:35:38,345 --> 00:35:41,222 - Judy. - Santa. 618 00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:43,891 - Scott Calvin. - Follow me. 619 00:35:46,311 --> 00:35:48,062 I'll just take the next train. 620 00:35:48,146 --> 00:35:50,564 - Dad, come on! - Charlie! 621 00:35:52,484 --> 00:35:54,652 Come on, Dad! 622 00:35:54,736 --> 00:35:56,737 Charlie, wait up! 623 00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:58,572 (PUPPETS CACKLING) 624 00:35:58,698 --> 00:36:02,660 - That's funny. I like that. - I like that, too. But I don't like... 625 00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:07,998 (TOOTING) 626 00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:17,591 Wow. 627 00:36:18,051 --> 00:36:19,510 - (THUDDING) - (GROANS) 628 00:36:24,558 --> 00:36:28,394 Can I get you anything? The kitchen's always open. 629 00:36:28,478 --> 00:36:30,312 How about a stiff drink? 630 00:36:32,107 --> 00:36:34,108 JUDY: You should get some sleep. 631 00:36:36,361 --> 00:36:39,280 Here are your pajamas. I'll be right back. 632 00:36:46,246 --> 00:36:48,664 PUNCH PUPPET: Look, Judy. Look over there. 633 00:36:48,832 --> 00:36:50,499 (PUPPETS CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY) 634 00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:54,879 Look over there. I know. 635 00:36:54,963 --> 00:36:58,007 Look over there. There's a canoe. Yeah, it's true. 636 00:36:58,133 --> 00:36:59,300 (JUDY PUPPET SCREAMS) 637 00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:02,428 Look, there's an emu! 638 00:37:07,601 --> 00:37:09,518 - ELF: Look at him! - Shoo! 639 00:37:09,603 --> 00:37:11,186 (ELVES GIGGLING) 640 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:16,066 - JUDY: Santa? - Scott Calvin. 641 00:37:23,575 --> 00:37:27,328 - I brought you some cocoa. - No, thanks. 642 00:37:27,412 --> 00:37:31,832 My own recipe. Took me 1,200 years to get it right. 643 00:37:33,919 --> 00:37:36,629 - 1,200 years? - That's right. 644 00:37:39,633 --> 00:37:43,886 You know, I must say, you look pretty good for your age. 645 00:37:43,970 --> 00:37:47,264 Thanks, but I'm seeing someone in wrapping. 646 00:37:49,059 --> 00:37:50,184 (GULPS) 647 00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:52,186 (WHISPERING) Okay. 648 00:37:52,354 --> 00:37:53,646 Mmm. 649 00:37:54,648 --> 00:37:55,814 Hmm. 650 00:37:55,941 --> 00:37:57,191 This is good. 651 00:37:58,234 --> 00:38:00,402 This is really good. 652 00:38:00,487 --> 00:38:05,616 Not too hot, extra chocolate, shaken, not stirred. 653 00:38:08,328 --> 00:38:10,287 You look distressed. 654 00:38:10,372 --> 00:38:13,457 Distressed? I'm way past distressed. 655 00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:17,878 - Why's that? - I'm talking to an elf! 656 00:38:17,963 --> 00:38:20,464 And I stopped believing in Santa Claus a long time ago. 657 00:38:20,548 --> 00:38:24,468 That's not surprising. Most grownups can't believe in magic. 658 00:38:24,552 --> 00:38:28,764 It just sort of grows out of them. 659 00:38:28,848 --> 00:38:31,809 Look, you're a nice little elf. 660 00:38:31,893 --> 00:38:34,311 - Thanks. - But this is a dream. 661 00:38:34,396 --> 00:38:38,565 I mean, this is fabulous. Is that a polar bear directing traffic down there? 662 00:38:38,650 --> 00:38:40,067 (BEAR GROWLS) 663 00:38:40,193 --> 00:38:43,821 (CHUCKLING) I see it, but I don't believe it. 664 00:38:43,905 --> 00:38:47,950 - (LAUGHS) You're missing the point. - What is the point? 665 00:38:48,034 --> 00:38:50,744 Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing. 666 00:38:50,829 --> 00:38:54,748 Kids don't have to see this place to know that it's here. 667 00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:57,584 They just know. 668 00:38:59,921 --> 00:39:03,924 Well, you should get some rest. Good night, sir. 669 00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:41,170 CHARLIE: Dad! 670 00:39:42,047 --> 00:39:43,630 Dad! 671 00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:48,135 Wake up, sleepy! 672 00:39:48,219 --> 00:39:50,137 Come on, get up! 673 00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:53,724 - Dad! - SCOTT: Mmm. 674 00:39:54,142 --> 00:39:55,809 - Dad! - (GRUNTS) 675 00:39:56,144 --> 00:39:57,811 - Dad! - (GROANS) 676 00:39:58,605 --> 00:40:01,982 - (RAPID FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) - Come on, Dad, come on! 677 00:40:02,317 --> 00:40:04,276 - (GROANING) - See all the neat toys! 678 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:06,570 - Stop shaking me, Charlie. - Come on, get up, get up! 679 00:40:06,654 --> 00:40:09,114 - Okay. - Come on, it's Christmas morning. 680 00:40:09,199 --> 00:40:12,493 - Great! Go make some coffee. - Come on, Dad, let's go! 681 00:40:12,577 --> 00:40:14,328 SCOTT: Okay. 682 00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:19,500 (SOFT GROANING) 683 00:40:33,515 --> 00:40:34,973 (SNIFFS) 684 00:40:39,479 --> 00:40:41,105 (BELLS JINGLING) 685 00:40:41,189 --> 00:40:42,731 (YAWNS) 686 00:41:30,488 --> 00:41:32,239 (EXHALES) 687 00:41:35,869 --> 00:41:38,912 - Are you okay, Dad? - Yeah. Just fine, just fine. 688 00:41:38,997 --> 00:41:41,957 Are you having a heart attack? I know CPR. 689 00:41:42,041 --> 00:41:44,334 No, I was just... 690 00:41:45,420 --> 00:41:48,839 - S.C. - Yeah, Santa Claus. 691 00:41:48,923 --> 00:41:52,801 Hey. Same initials as your name, Dad. 692 00:41:52,886 --> 00:41:55,345 Scott Calvin. 693 00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:57,347 - (DOORBELL RINGS) - What? 694 00:42:01,936 --> 00:42:04,938 LAURA: Oh, Charlie! Merry Christmas, honey. 695 00:42:05,023 --> 00:42:07,691 - Did you have a good time? - Great time! The best! 696 00:42:07,775 --> 00:42:12,821 Great. Scott, nice P.J.s. Very festive. 697 00:42:12,906 --> 00:42:15,657 - Where'd you get them? - I don't know. 698 00:42:16,284 --> 00:42:17,826 Judy gave them to you. 699 00:42:17,911 --> 00:42:20,787 - Judy. Really. - Who? 700 00:42:20,872 --> 00:42:24,374 - Up at the North Pole. - Ah. One of Santa's little helpers. 701 00:42:24,459 --> 00:42:28,545 Last night, Dad and me went with the flying reindeer. 702 00:42:28,630 --> 00:42:33,800 It was really neat, Mom. Dad was Santa, and Larry showed me the workshop. 703 00:42:33,885 --> 00:42:35,552 You know, where they make all the toys? 704 00:42:35,637 --> 00:42:36,929 Gee, thanks for 705 00:42:37,013 --> 00:42:39,640 - keeping his feet on the ground. - You bet. 706 00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:43,185 Honey, you go wait in the car for a minute. I'll be right there. 707 00:42:44,062 --> 00:42:45,229 Merry Christmas. 708 00:42:45,313 --> 00:42:47,981 Bye, Dad. Thanks for a great night at the North Pole. 709 00:42:48,066 --> 00:42:49,316 - (BOTH CHUCKLING) - (DOOR OPENS) 710 00:42:49,776 --> 00:42:51,026 (DOOR CLOSES) 711 00:42:51,110 --> 00:42:52,736 So... 712 00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:55,739 - What have you been telling him? - Nothing. 713 00:42:55,823 --> 00:42:59,826 It's just... I had this really strange dream 714 00:42:59,911 --> 00:43:01,995 and I must've told him all about it. 715 00:43:03,665 --> 00:43:05,874 Wait. 716 00:43:07,502 --> 00:43:08,794 - Charlie. - Scott. 717 00:43:08,878 --> 00:43:10,587 - Hi, Dad. - Nice jammies. 718 00:43:10,672 --> 00:43:13,257 Thanks. About what you said in the house... 719 00:43:13,341 --> 00:43:15,092 - Who showed you the workshop? - The elf. 720 00:43:15,176 --> 00:43:18,428 - How'd I get the pajamas? - I told you. Judy. 721 00:43:18,513 --> 00:43:20,097 SCOTT: Oh, wait, wait. 722 00:43:20,181 --> 00:43:23,684 Judy was the name of the waitress at the restaurant last night. 723 00:43:23,768 --> 00:43:27,437 - Some waitress gave you pajamas? - What's this all about? 724 00:43:27,522 --> 00:43:30,732 Dad took me to the North Pole, and Larry showed me the workshop. 725 00:43:30,817 --> 00:43:33,819 - The North Pole! - Yeah. Dad's the new Santa. 726 00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:37,781 The regular Santa fell off the roof and Dad put on the suit. 727 00:43:37,865 --> 00:43:40,951 Charlie, we'll discuss this at home. 728 00:43:41,828 --> 00:43:43,161 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 729 00:43:47,709 --> 00:43:50,585 The clause. The Santa Clause. 730 00:43:50,712 --> 00:43:51,962 (CAR DOOR CLOSES) 731 00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:53,880 - (ENGINE STARTS) - It's just a dream. 732 00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:55,424 Stuff like that doesn't happen. 733 00:43:55,508 --> 00:43:57,884 It was a dream. Come on! 734 00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:04,558 I don't even wear pajamas. Normally I sleep naked. Buck naked! Ha! 735 00:44:04,642 --> 00:44:06,101 Morning, Mrs. McGloin. Mary Catherine. 736 00:44:06,185 --> 00:44:07,936 MRS. McGLOIN: Eyes front, Mary Catherine! 737 00:44:08,021 --> 00:44:10,230 Sometimes boxer shorts. You know. (CHUCKLES) 738 00:44:10,982 --> 00:44:12,566 So, remember, kids, 739 00:44:12,650 --> 00:44:16,111 there is nothing more painful than third degree burns. 740 00:44:19,324 --> 00:44:22,492 Well, thank you, Fireman O'Hara. 741 00:44:22,577 --> 00:44:25,787 And I think the whole class will join me in saying 742 00:44:25,872 --> 00:44:28,081 sorry about your partner. 743 00:44:29,459 --> 00:44:30,834 (SIGHS) 744 00:44:31,127 --> 00:44:35,005 Well, perhaps this is a good time to bring up the psychiatrist. 745 00:44:35,089 --> 00:44:39,468 Charlie, would you like to introduce your... 746 00:44:39,552 --> 00:44:40,552 (STAMMERING) 747 00:44:40,636 --> 00:44:41,970 Dr. Miller! (CHUCKLES) 748 00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:45,849 Can I ask Dad to go first? 749 00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:48,518 Well, if that's how you feel, Charlie. 750 00:44:48,603 --> 00:44:53,065 That's how he feels, Neal. Come on. Nice sweater, buddy. 751 00:44:55,818 --> 00:44:59,863 This is my dad, Scott Calvin. He's got a really neat job. 752 00:44:59,947 --> 00:45:03,492 - Thank you, Charlie. - My dad is Santa Claus. 753 00:45:03,618 --> 00:45:04,910 (CHILDREN LAUGHING) 754 00:45:04,994 --> 00:45:06,203 Oh, boy. (LAUGHS) 755 00:45:06,788 --> 00:45:10,415 I think what he means is, I'm like Santa Claus. 756 00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:13,752 We're both giving, we're both jolly, 757 00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:17,506 and we both work very hard one day a year. (CHUCKLES) 758 00:45:17,590 --> 00:45:21,218 - Oh, boy! - That's not what I mean, Dad. 759 00:45:21,302 --> 00:45:24,679 Look, on Christmas Eve, my dad pushed Santa off the roof. 760 00:45:24,764 --> 00:45:26,390 - No, Charlie. - Santa disappeared 761 00:45:26,474 --> 00:45:28,016 - and my dad took his place. - SCOTT: Charlie! 762 00:45:28,101 --> 00:45:30,852 Then I went with him to deliver all the presents. 763 00:45:30,937 --> 00:45:34,272 Then the reindeer flew us to the North Pole where the head elf 764 00:45:34,357 --> 00:45:37,317 - Bernard gave me this. - Charlie... 765 00:45:37,402 --> 00:45:41,822 Look, I work for a toy company. I deliver toys all over the country. 766 00:45:41,906 --> 00:45:46,076 So, in a way, I'm like Santa Claus. 767 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,995 - Yes, sweetheart? - Do you make the toys? 768 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,373 No, stupid, the elves do! 769 00:45:51,457 --> 00:45:53,500 Bobby, we don't say "stupid," 770 00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:57,170 and we don't say "elves." They're "little people." 771 00:45:57,255 --> 00:45:59,589 No, but they really are elves. 772 00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:03,218 - Whatever, honey. - Which one's your favorite reindeer? 773 00:46:03,302 --> 00:46:07,597 - Comet. - I don't have a favorite. 774 00:46:07,682 --> 00:46:10,559 So, let me get this straight, Santa. 775 00:46:10,643 --> 00:46:13,603 You mean, when I grow up, if I wanna be Santa Claus, 776 00:46:13,688 --> 00:46:15,939 all I gotta do is push you off a roof? 777 00:46:16,023 --> 00:46:18,817 SCOTT: He said that it was the best Christmas he ever had? 778 00:46:18,901 --> 00:46:19,901 LAURA: Oh, big surprise! 779 00:46:19,986 --> 00:46:22,612 It's just nice to hear it from him. Is that a problem with you? 780 00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:25,449 All right. So? 781 00:46:25,533 --> 00:46:28,743 May I speak, please? I am a doctor. 782 00:46:28,828 --> 00:46:31,204 (WHISPERING) No, he's not. He's a psychiatrist. 783 00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:34,624 Please. Go ahead, Dr. Miller. 784 00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:36,960 I guess we know who's the teacher's pet. 785 00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:39,463 Scott! Oh, grow up. 786 00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:42,966 The reason we're here is that this is far more serious 787 00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:46,219 than a boy believing or not believing in Santa Claus. 788 00:46:46,304 --> 00:46:49,806 That's right, because Charlie thinks that this whole thing actually happened. 789 00:46:49,891 --> 00:46:54,102 Scott, what was the last thing you and Charlie did 790 00:46:54,187 --> 00:46:56,313 before you went to bed Christmas Eve? 791 00:46:56,397 --> 00:47:00,192 We shared a bowl of sugar, did some shots of brown liquor, 792 00:47:00,276 --> 00:47:03,111 played with my shotguns, field dressed a cat, 793 00:47:03,988 --> 00:47:06,156 looked for women. 794 00:47:06,949 --> 00:47:08,575 I read him a book! 795 00:47:08,659 --> 00:47:11,161 - What book? - Hollywood Wives. 796 00:47:11,746 --> 00:47:14,331 The Night Before Christmas, folks. Come on! 797 00:47:14,415 --> 00:47:17,167 And did you go to the North Pole? 798 00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,877 This is ridiculous. I don't have time for this. 799 00:47:18,961 --> 00:47:20,337 Ridiculous 800 00:47:20,421 --> 00:47:25,008 or not, Scott, for Charlie, this isn't some dream, it is real. 801 00:47:25,092 --> 00:47:30,847 You need to sit down with Charlie. Explain to him you are not Santa Claus. 802 00:47:31,557 --> 00:47:33,934 CHARLIE: They're like the bears at the North Pole, Dad. 803 00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:37,729 SCOTT: Charlie, I already told you, we did not go to the North Pole. 804 00:47:37,813 --> 00:47:40,232 - That was a dream. - You're in denial, Dad. 805 00:47:40,316 --> 00:47:42,234 Denial! You don't even know what that means. 806 00:47:42,318 --> 00:47:45,612 Well, you are. I know what happened. 807 00:47:45,696 --> 00:47:49,449 How do you know that? How? You don't have any proof. 808 00:47:49,992 --> 00:47:51,618 - Proof? - Why can't we both 809 00:47:51,702 --> 00:47:54,329 think of it as just a great dream and forget about it? 810 00:47:54,413 --> 00:47:58,208 What about this? Remember all the neat stuff inside? 811 00:47:58,626 --> 00:48:02,379 Charlie, this is a toy. 812 00:48:02,463 --> 00:48:06,258 We used to make things like this at work, but no one bought 'em. 813 00:48:06,551 --> 00:48:09,094 Here. I don't want to talk about this anymore. 814 00:48:10,179 --> 00:48:11,888 I know who you are, Dad. 815 00:48:11,973 --> 00:48:14,391 You'll figure it out soon enough. 816 00:48:14,475 --> 00:48:19,229 There are a lot of kids that believe in you. You can't let them down. 817 00:48:19,313 --> 00:48:21,690 Charlie, you're wrong. 818 00:48:22,984 --> 00:48:24,317 (REINDEER MOANING) 819 00:48:27,488 --> 00:48:28,530 (GIGGLING) 820 00:48:28,614 --> 00:48:29,698 What's so funny? 821 00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:31,658 Nothing. 822 00:48:36,497 --> 00:48:37,956 (CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING) 823 00:48:38,499 --> 00:48:41,084 He sees you when you're sleeping 824 00:48:41,168 --> 00:48:43,795 - He knows when you're awake - (CHARLIE GIGGLING) 825 00:48:43,879 --> 00:48:46,715 He knows if you've been bad or good 826 00:48:46,799 --> 00:48:48,925 Rollin'. Keep those reindeer rollin' 827 00:48:49,010 --> 00:48:52,887 Okay! You better watch out You better not cry 828 00:48:52,972 --> 00:48:55,098 Come on, Dancer. Come on, Prancer. 829 00:48:55,182 --> 00:48:56,641 - Santa Claus is coming to town - Whoa. 830 00:48:56,726 --> 00:48:57,767 We can't stop. 831 00:48:57,852 --> 00:49:00,937 (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) But I have to go to the bathroom! 832 00:49:01,022 --> 00:49:04,357 I told you, should've gone before we left the North Pole. 833 00:49:04,442 --> 00:49:06,192 And rummy tum-tums 834 00:49:07,612 --> 00:49:08,737 CHARLIE: Whoa. 835 00:49:08,821 --> 00:49:11,698 Right here. Turn over here. 836 00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:14,284 Curly-haired dolls that toddle and coo 837 00:49:14,368 --> 00:49:17,454 Elephant spokes and kiddie cars, too 838 00:49:24,045 --> 00:49:25,086 Where is he? 839 00:49:25,171 --> 00:49:28,715 Well, he could be in his room jumping up and down on his bed, 840 00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:30,634 wearing a red hat and galoshes. 841 00:49:30,718 --> 00:49:33,428 I don't care what Neal's doing. Where's Charlie? 842 00:49:33,554 --> 00:49:35,805 (LAUGHS) Oh, I see, I see. 843 00:49:35,890 --> 00:49:37,182 Well, if you can't be father of the year, 844 00:49:37,266 --> 00:49:38,642 why not be Father Christmas, huh? 845 00:49:39,435 --> 00:49:42,228 NEAL: Charlie, it's just not logical. 846 00:49:42,313 --> 00:49:45,315 How can one man, in one night, 847 00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,443 visit all the children of the world? 848 00:49:48,527 --> 00:49:50,487 Not everyone celebrates Christmas. 849 00:49:50,571 --> 00:49:53,156 And I think there's some sort of time continuum 850 00:49:53,240 --> 00:49:55,909 that breaks down once Santa's in his sleigh. 851 00:49:55,993 --> 00:50:01,373 What about fireplaces? A lot of people don't have them. 852 00:50:01,957 --> 00:50:04,292 How does Santa visit those people? 853 00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:07,003 He turns into Jell-O and... (SLURPING) 854 00:50:07,088 --> 00:50:10,840 The fireplace kind of appears and he goes through it like this. 855 00:50:10,925 --> 00:50:15,178 What about the reindeer? 856 00:50:15,262 --> 00:50:18,640 Have you ever seen a reindeer fly? 857 00:50:18,724 --> 00:50:20,600 - Yes. - Well, I haven't. 858 00:50:20,685 --> 00:50:21,685 (DOOR OPENS) 859 00:50:21,769 --> 00:50:24,771 - Have you ever seen $1 million? - No. 860 00:50:24,855 --> 00:50:25,939 (DOOR CLOSES) 861 00:50:26,023 --> 00:50:30,276 Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. 862 00:50:30,361 --> 00:50:32,696 Hi, Neal. Howdy, sport. 863 00:50:32,780 --> 00:50:34,197 - Hi, Dad. - You wanna take a walk? 864 00:50:34,281 --> 00:50:36,449 - I wanna talk to you. - Sure. I'll get my coat. 865 00:50:36,534 --> 00:50:38,535 Okay, hustle up. 866 00:50:38,619 --> 00:50:41,871 Scott? Can I have a minute? 867 00:50:41,956 --> 00:50:43,456 Sure. 868 00:50:44,834 --> 00:50:47,627 I think Charlie is conflicted at the moment. 869 00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:50,547 Wow. Really? 870 00:50:50,631 --> 00:50:52,882 (WHISTLES) Boy. Hmm. 871 00:50:52,967 --> 00:50:55,218 Appreciate your analysis, I really do. 872 00:50:55,302 --> 00:50:59,222 Boy, you got more important things to worry about, you know. 873 00:50:59,306 --> 00:51:00,515 Like, where are you gonna get more sweaters 874 00:51:00,599 --> 00:51:02,267 after the circus pulls out of town? 875 00:51:02,351 --> 00:51:03,810 (INHALES DEEPLY) 876 00:51:03,894 --> 00:51:08,022 Scott! I mean, you're not listening. 877 00:51:08,107 --> 00:51:12,444 - We are very concerned about this. - Concerned about what? 878 00:51:12,820 --> 00:51:14,237 (STAMMERING) This... 879 00:51:14,321 --> 00:51:17,365 If Charlie spending time with you is the best thing for him. 880 00:51:24,623 --> 00:51:25,915 (CLICKS TONGUE) 881 00:51:26,751 --> 00:51:29,669 You were right about the sweater, okay? 882 00:51:32,214 --> 00:51:33,256 Do you think by next year 883 00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:35,341 I'll be big enough to drive the sleigh all by myself? 884 00:51:35,426 --> 00:51:36,760 No! 885 00:51:36,844 --> 00:51:40,054 - But I've been practicing. - No, that's not what I'm talking about. 886 00:51:40,139 --> 00:51:44,309 Charlie, hold on a second. We've got to talk about this Santa Claus thing. 887 00:51:48,522 --> 00:51:50,607 Charlie, there is no... 888 00:51:53,110 --> 00:51:54,360 No what, Dad? 889 00:51:58,157 --> 00:52:03,328 There's no reason why we have to tell anybody about the North Pole. 890 00:52:03,412 --> 00:52:04,954 Why not? 891 00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:08,666 Well, sometimes some things, big things, 892 00:52:09,210 --> 00:52:13,505 should remain unsaid, like between two people... 893 00:52:13,589 --> 00:52:18,635 - Oh, you mean like a secret. - Yes. Like a secret. Let's keep it secret. 894 00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:20,220 How come? 895 00:52:21,514 --> 00:52:24,641 Because of Mom and Neal. 896 00:52:24,725 --> 00:52:27,477 Not just because of them. There's school. 897 00:52:27,561 --> 00:52:30,355 Everybody thinks... No, it's not important what they think. 898 00:52:30,439 --> 00:52:32,106 It... 899 00:52:33,818 --> 00:52:35,860 How does five bucks sound to ya? 900 00:52:37,446 --> 00:52:41,282 This is something I really want you to do for me, sport. 901 00:52:41,367 --> 00:52:46,079 I want to keep this secret. Will ya do that, please? 902 00:52:46,205 --> 00:52:49,290 - Okay, Dad. - All right. 903 00:52:49,750 --> 00:52:51,626 Great. 904 00:52:52,753 --> 00:52:56,464 You don't have to worry about the Santa Claus thing anymore. 905 00:52:57,550 --> 00:52:59,843 So when do I get the five bucks? 906 00:52:59,927 --> 00:53:04,097 MAN ON RADIO: 15 in the morning. It's gonna be a beautiful day. 907 00:53:04,974 --> 00:53:06,850 (RADIO CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) 908 00:53:06,934 --> 00:53:10,603 Spend the day with me, Larry B. 909 00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:13,106 (FARTING) 910 00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:14,649 (SIGHING) Oof! 911 00:53:17,361 --> 00:53:18,653 (YAWNING) 912 00:53:20,364 --> 00:53:21,656 (SCREAMS) 913 00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,159 Huh? 914 00:53:29,290 --> 00:53:30,456 (GROANS) 915 00:53:33,085 --> 00:53:36,379 Something's wrong with the mirror. (CHUCKLING) 916 00:53:37,673 --> 00:53:39,007 (MUMBLING) 917 00:53:39,091 --> 00:53:40,174 What? 918 00:53:40,926 --> 00:53:42,802 Something's wrong with the scale! 919 00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:45,471 (SCREAMS) 920 00:53:46,140 --> 00:53:47,473 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 921 00:53:47,808 --> 00:53:50,435 Excuse me, excuse me. 922 00:53:50,519 --> 00:53:54,314 I'll have a field green salad and... Oh, my God. 923 00:53:55,816 --> 00:53:57,984 MAN: What the... WOMAN: What? Scott? 924 00:53:58,068 --> 00:54:00,820 (SIGHING) Calvin? 925 00:54:03,490 --> 00:54:04,824 (CHUCKLING) 926 00:54:04,909 --> 00:54:08,077 Sorry, the dry cleaner 927 00:54:08,162 --> 00:54:10,788 in my neighborhood went up in smoke, some big chemical fire. 928 00:54:10,873 --> 00:54:13,249 All my clothes, poof, gone. 929 00:54:13,334 --> 00:54:16,753 God. Your... Your weight. 930 00:54:16,837 --> 00:54:18,963 What happened? 931 00:54:20,007 --> 00:54:23,927 Bee sting. Evidently, I'm allergic. 932 00:54:24,011 --> 00:54:28,097 Almost killed me. But the guy at the emergency room says 933 00:54:28,182 --> 00:54:30,725 the swelling will go down. 934 00:54:30,809 --> 00:54:34,103 I hope. So, did I miss anything? 935 00:54:34,188 --> 00:54:36,606 No, we were just about to order lunch. 936 00:54:36,690 --> 00:54:38,816 Great! I'm starving. 937 00:54:38,901 --> 00:54:42,612 I'll have a salad and ice tea and dressing on the side. 938 00:54:42,696 --> 00:54:46,950 Pasta and tomatoes and very light on the oil. Can you do that? 939 00:54:47,034 --> 00:54:50,119 And I'll have a Caesar. No dressing. 940 00:54:50,204 --> 00:54:52,705 And one of those homemade cookies, the warm chocolate chip. No nuts. 941 00:54:52,790 --> 00:54:56,167 And a little slice of cheesecake, crème brûlée, 942 00:54:56,251 --> 00:54:59,045 and hot fudge sundae, extra hot fudge. 943 00:55:02,257 --> 00:55:04,175 On the side. 944 00:55:04,259 --> 00:55:08,179 - Anything to drink? - Ice-cold milk. 945 00:55:08,722 --> 00:55:10,890 Stung by a bee, Scott? 946 00:55:11,809 --> 00:55:13,476 A big bee. 947 00:55:24,154 --> 00:55:25,822 (SPOON CLATTERING) 948 00:55:30,869 --> 00:55:32,036 Finished? 949 00:55:38,002 --> 00:55:41,379 Okay, now, remember. This is just a storyboard. 950 00:55:42,506 --> 00:55:44,674 But here is our 951 00:55:44,758 --> 00:55:48,344 preliminary Total Tank TV spot. 952 00:55:48,429 --> 00:55:51,389 Okay, now, we've got Santa. He's up in the North Pole. 953 00:55:51,473 --> 00:55:55,601 He's getting ready for Christmas! 954 00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:57,729 Oh, no. 955 00:55:58,147 --> 00:56:02,859 - Problem? - It's just a little thing. The elves. 956 00:56:02,943 --> 00:56:06,362 - What about the elves? - They look so funny. 957 00:56:06,447 --> 00:56:09,907 They're supposed to look funny. They're elves. 958 00:56:09,992 --> 00:56:11,367 SCOTT: Just my opinion. 959 00:56:11,452 --> 00:56:15,621 Can't they look a little younger with silver specks on their cheeks? 960 00:56:16,206 --> 00:56:18,624 Can we continue here? 961 00:56:18,709 --> 00:56:22,670 Okay, now this year, Santa's not going out in a sleigh. 962 00:56:22,755 --> 00:56:27,008 This time he's going Total Tank! 963 00:56:27,092 --> 00:56:30,970 Wait a minute! No way! No way Santa's going anywhere without his sleigh. 964 00:56:31,055 --> 00:56:33,556 He would if he's trying to sell the Total Tank. 965 00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:35,975 Well, isn't that a pretty picture? 966 00:56:36,060 --> 00:56:38,561 Santa rolling down the block in a panzer. 967 00:56:38,645 --> 00:56:41,939 Well, kids, I certainly hope you've been good this year. 968 00:56:42,024 --> 00:56:44,650 'Cause it looks like Santa just took out the Pearson home. 969 00:56:44,735 --> 00:56:46,360 - Incoming! - WOMAN: Oh, please. 970 00:56:46,445 --> 00:56:48,654 And another thing. What about the reindeer? 971 00:56:48,947 --> 00:56:51,157 Reindeer and Santa. Santa and reindeer. 972 00:56:51,241 --> 00:56:52,825 It's kind of a package deal. 973 00:56:52,910 --> 00:56:55,745 - Calvin. - You don't believe in Santa, do you? 974 00:56:55,829 --> 00:56:58,748 Calvin, can we get back to the presentation? 975 00:56:58,832 --> 00:56:59,916 I'm not done yet. 976 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:03,628 Since we've opened this box, have any of you tried to build the Total Tank? 977 00:57:03,712 --> 00:57:06,297 It's got 10,000 parts, and even if you do get it together, 978 00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:08,007 it breaks 10 minutes later. 979 00:57:08,092 --> 00:57:09,717 Then you got to spend more money to buy more parts. 980 00:57:09,802 --> 00:57:12,929 - I thought that was the whole point. - No, no, no, no. 981 00:57:13,013 --> 00:57:17,517 What we got to do is develop a basic, simple, inexpensive toy 982 00:57:17,601 --> 00:57:19,977 that will nurture a child's creative thinking. 983 00:57:20,062 --> 00:57:22,855 - Calvin... - Here, try the brown ones. 984 00:57:23,482 --> 00:57:25,566 Can I see you outside a minute? 985 00:57:32,032 --> 00:57:34,367 I don't know what's happening to you. 986 00:57:34,451 --> 00:57:37,453 You're starting to look like the Pillsbury Doughboy. 987 00:57:37,538 --> 00:57:41,165 - You're falling apart. - I know! I know. 988 00:57:41,750 --> 00:57:43,167 I don't know what came over me. 989 00:57:43,252 --> 00:57:47,547 Just get some help. You should see a doctor, a shrink. 990 00:57:47,631 --> 00:57:50,466 A dietitian, anything. Just get some help. 991 00:57:55,222 --> 00:57:56,722 (PANTING) 992 00:58:06,608 --> 00:58:07,984 (CHUCKLING) 993 00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:16,367 - Okay, Scott. The time is up. - Whew! 994 00:58:16,451 --> 00:58:19,162 - Get over here and check your pulse. - All right. 995 00:58:21,290 --> 00:58:23,541 Okay? Hmm. 996 00:58:24,835 --> 00:58:28,671 Ah. 997 00:58:29,798 --> 00:58:31,883 Well, nuts. I... 998 00:58:31,967 --> 00:58:34,427 Oh, no, your pulse is great. 999 00:58:34,511 --> 00:58:37,263 I don't know, Scott. You're as healthy as a horse. 1000 00:58:37,347 --> 00:58:40,016 Yeah. Clydesdale. 1001 00:58:40,100 --> 00:58:43,436 Okay, look. So, what? You put on a little weight. 1002 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,189 A little weight? Does this look like a little weight to you? 1003 00:58:46,273 --> 00:58:49,192 Weight can fluctuate from year to year. 1004 00:58:49,276 --> 00:58:52,612 Fluctuate? You make it sound like I'm retaining water. 1005 00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:57,033 I've gained 45 pounds in a week! Pete, what's happening to me? 1006 00:58:57,117 --> 00:58:59,702 - What's your diet like? - Milk and cookies. 1007 00:58:59,786 --> 00:59:01,954 - Really? - But I don't finish all the milk. 1008 00:59:02,039 --> 00:59:07,501 Well, then, there is your problem. Just try to cut back on the sweets. 1009 00:59:07,586 --> 00:59:09,337 Anything else? 1010 00:59:09,421 --> 00:59:13,090 Yeah. How fast does hair grow? Facial hair? 1011 00:59:13,175 --> 00:59:15,092 What? 1012 00:59:15,177 --> 00:59:18,471 I shave in the morning and in the afternoon, I look like this. 1013 00:59:19,181 --> 00:59:23,434 Well, it could be a hormonal imbalance. 1014 00:59:23,518 --> 00:59:25,978 - That would explain the mood swings. - Mood swings? 1015 00:59:26,605 --> 00:59:28,231 Look at my hair. It's turning gray. 1016 00:59:28,315 --> 00:59:30,399 It's middle age, buddy. It happens. 1017 00:59:30,484 --> 00:59:34,070 And with that body, you should be thankful you have hair. 1018 00:59:34,154 --> 00:59:37,490 Look, if it bothers you, you can dye it, and you should diet! 1019 00:59:37,616 --> 00:59:38,908 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1020 00:59:38,992 --> 00:59:40,243 Just kidding. 1021 00:59:40,327 --> 00:59:44,080 Okay, up with the shirt. Let's take a listen to the old ticker. 1022 00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:45,706 (LAUGHING) Whoa. 1023 00:59:45,791 --> 00:59:48,000 - Okay. - Ooh. That's cold. 1024 00:59:48,585 --> 00:59:49,835 Ah. 1025 00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:53,297 (HEART BEATING TWICE) 1026 00:59:54,466 --> 00:59:57,635 (HEART BEATING THREE TIMES) 1027 00:59:58,053 --> 01:00:00,012 (HEART BEATING RHYTHMICALLY) 1028 01:00:03,725 --> 01:00:05,226 (ALL SHOUTING) 1029 01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:08,479 Get it! 1030 01:00:37,718 --> 01:00:38,718 What? 1031 01:00:41,555 --> 01:00:44,724 I want some ballet slippers. 1032 01:01:02,868 --> 01:01:06,412 - CHARLIE: Hi, Mom. - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1033 01:01:06,496 --> 01:01:08,789 - Hold on now. - Wait a minute. Wait, I'm not done. 1034 01:01:08,874 --> 01:01:12,418 Fax me. Hi, hey. This probably looks pretty odd, doesn't it? 1035 01:01:12,919 --> 01:01:15,004 These kids lined up all by themselves. 1036 01:01:15,088 --> 01:01:17,840 Scott, I think it's safe to say 1037 01:01:17,924 --> 01:01:21,761 you're taking this Santa thing to an unhealthy level. 1038 01:01:21,845 --> 01:01:25,014 Here's my card. Call me. 1039 01:01:25,098 --> 01:01:29,518 Scott, I really have to tell you that this is beginning to scare me. 1040 01:01:29,603 --> 01:01:33,189 I never in my wildest... Well, no, okay, maybe my wildest... 1041 01:01:33,273 --> 01:01:36,359 But certainly never in my normal dreams... 1042 01:01:36,443 --> 01:01:37,735 But then this is Scott we're talking about. 1043 01:01:37,819 --> 01:01:38,986 Laura, the point. 1044 01:01:39,071 --> 01:01:42,365 I never thought you would stoop to changing your physical appearance 1045 01:01:42,449 --> 01:01:45,117 in order to make Charlie like you. 1046 01:01:45,202 --> 01:01:48,913 Do you have any concept of how dangerous this is to a little boy? 1047 01:01:48,997 --> 01:01:51,540 - Whoa, whoa. "How dangerous"? - Mom, what's the matter? 1048 01:01:51,625 --> 01:01:54,877 - Come on, Charlie. We're going home. - But we just started. 1049 01:01:54,961 --> 01:01:56,879 You let him stay. I'll go. 1050 01:01:56,963 --> 01:01:59,715 If you don't get your act together, Scott, so help me... 1051 01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:00,883 MAN: Watch it, folks. 1052 01:02:00,967 --> 01:02:02,635 - Mom! - I will just... 1053 01:02:08,558 --> 01:02:09,975 (DOOR BELL RINGING) 1054 01:02:12,896 --> 01:02:15,981 - Hi, there. - Hi. I got a delivery for S.C. 1055 01:02:16,066 --> 01:02:18,234 - You S. C? - Scott Calvin, that's me. 1056 01:02:18,318 --> 01:02:20,236 Sign here, please. 1057 01:02:22,114 --> 01:02:23,823 (CHUCKLES) All right. 1058 01:02:23,907 --> 01:02:26,409 - Thanks. I'll get your packages. - Packages? 1059 01:02:26,493 --> 01:02:28,744 - Yeah. There's quite a few of them. - That's great. 1060 01:02:28,829 --> 01:02:31,247 I'll leave the door open. Just leave them inside here. 1061 01:02:31,331 --> 01:02:32,790 Will do. 1062 01:02:34,709 --> 01:02:36,419 (WHISTLING) 1063 01:03:06,241 --> 01:03:07,533 It's the list! 1064 01:03:18,211 --> 01:03:20,296 "Armand Assante"? 1065 01:03:20,547 --> 01:03:21,714 Yo! 1066 01:03:22,591 --> 01:03:23,674 (ENGINE STARTING) 1067 01:03:23,758 --> 01:03:27,136 Hold it! Hold... Oh! Hold it! 1068 01:03:27,220 --> 01:03:29,930 You! You! Take that... Come on! Come on! 1069 01:03:30,015 --> 01:03:31,056 - (HORN HONKING) - Stay away from the truck. 1070 01:03:31,141 --> 01:03:35,060 What am I supposed to do with all these packages, guys? Come on! 1071 01:03:36,021 --> 01:03:37,146 (GROANS) 1072 01:03:40,192 --> 01:03:45,321 You know, I knew it. I knew that something was going on. I just... 1073 01:03:45,405 --> 01:03:49,492 What I can't believe is that he would go behind our backs all this time, 1074 01:03:49,576 --> 01:03:52,244 confusing Charlie again just... 1075 01:03:53,663 --> 01:03:58,167 I... What are we supposed to do? 1076 01:03:58,251 --> 01:04:00,920 Well, there's one obvious alternative. 1077 01:04:05,759 --> 01:04:07,384 Okay. 1078 01:04:12,516 --> 01:04:15,559 - Annie, nice. - Beep! 1079 01:04:15,644 --> 01:04:18,521 - Johnny, naughty. - Johnny, wait up! 1080 01:04:18,605 --> 01:04:20,898 Gary, nice. (CHUCKLING) 1081 01:04:20,982 --> 01:04:22,942 Veronica, very nice. 1082 01:04:23,610 --> 01:04:25,945 In your dreams, sleigh boy. 1083 01:04:26,196 --> 01:04:27,196 Hmm? 1084 01:04:30,408 --> 01:04:31,742 (SIGHING) 1085 01:04:52,973 --> 01:04:55,015 I'm in big trouble. Mmm-hmm. 1086 01:04:55,892 --> 01:04:57,434 Thank you. 1087 01:04:57,519 --> 01:04:58,978 (PHONE RINGING) 1088 01:04:59,145 --> 01:05:02,147 WOMAN: Judge Wayland's office. 1089 01:05:02,232 --> 01:05:05,484 Charlie, do you mind if I talk to you for a minute? 1090 01:05:05,569 --> 01:05:08,279 It's okay, honey. Come on. 1091 01:05:10,991 --> 01:05:12,658 We won't be long. 1092 01:05:17,706 --> 01:05:21,375 Are we doing the right thing, Neal? 1093 01:05:21,459 --> 01:05:23,752 - Something needs to shake Scott. - Yeah, but... 1094 01:05:23,837 --> 01:05:26,922 But to take away his visitation rights. 1095 01:05:27,007 --> 01:05:30,551 - Honey, the man is delusional. - Okay, okay. 1096 01:05:30,635 --> 01:05:34,013 So maybe I'm having second thoughts, kind of. I just... 1097 01:05:34,097 --> 01:05:37,433 I mean, what was so bad about Charlie believing in Santa? 1098 01:05:37,517 --> 01:05:39,685 Well, he's a little old. 1099 01:05:40,854 --> 01:05:42,021 Oh, come on, Laura. 1100 01:05:42,105 --> 01:05:44,773 Don't you remember when you stopped believing in Santa Claus? 1101 01:05:46,026 --> 01:05:49,695 I was Charlie's age, I guess. 1102 01:05:50,614 --> 01:05:54,033 I wrote Santa a letter every week that year. 1103 01:05:56,578 --> 01:06:01,415 Well, okay. You know, maybe... Maybe not every week. 1104 01:06:01,499 --> 01:06:02,875 But... 1105 01:06:04,044 --> 01:06:08,464 Boy, I really wanted a Mystery Date Game. 1106 01:06:08,548 --> 01:06:10,382 Do you remember those? 1107 01:06:11,426 --> 01:06:14,470 No. Of course you don't. 1108 01:06:14,554 --> 01:06:17,097 You know, no one does. 1109 01:06:17,182 --> 01:06:20,225 I don't even think they make them anymore, but... 1110 01:06:22,437 --> 01:06:24,813 Well, anyway... 1111 01:06:24,898 --> 01:06:28,609 Christmas morning came and... 1112 01:06:28,693 --> 01:06:31,153 Oh, I got dozens of presents. 1113 01:06:31,237 --> 01:06:33,697 I got everything. 1114 01:06:36,326 --> 01:06:40,621 Except Mystery Date. 1115 01:06:42,957 --> 01:06:48,295 I was three, and it was an Oscar Mayer wienie whistle. 1116 01:06:50,548 --> 01:06:54,927 Christmas came. No wienie whistle. 1117 01:06:56,429 --> 01:06:58,597 And that's when I stopped believing. 1118 01:06:59,140 --> 01:07:00,849 You were three? 1119 01:07:01,810 --> 01:07:03,686 Yeah. 1120 01:07:04,688 --> 01:07:06,438 Oh, Neal. 1121 01:07:09,651 --> 01:07:10,693 Where's Charlie? 1122 01:07:10,777 --> 01:07:13,112 - I want to talk to him. - He's with the judge. 1123 01:07:15,448 --> 01:07:16,740 Dad! 1124 01:07:16,825 --> 01:07:18,158 (GRUNTING) 1125 01:07:19,035 --> 01:07:23,455 It's all okay. I told the judge everything 1126 01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:25,791 about you and the North Pole. 1127 01:07:26,584 --> 01:07:30,921 After reviewing all of your testimonies, I've come to a very difficult decision. 1128 01:07:31,756 --> 01:07:35,634 I'm sorry to do this in light of the holiday season. 1129 01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:38,804 But in the best interest of the child, 1130 01:07:39,806 --> 01:07:43,767 I'm granting the petition of Dr. And Mrs. Miller. 1131 01:07:43,852 --> 01:07:44,935 (CHARLIE SOBBING) 1132 01:07:45,019 --> 01:07:50,524 Mr. Calvin, as of today, all of your visitation rights are suspended, 1133 01:07:50,608 --> 01:07:54,027 pending a hearing after the first of the year. 1134 01:08:27,437 --> 01:08:28,896 (SIGHS) 1135 01:08:28,980 --> 01:08:30,522 (DOOR BELL RINGING) 1136 01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:36,111 - Hey, Neal. - Scott? 1137 01:08:36,196 --> 01:08:37,988 You're not supposed to be here. 1138 01:08:38,865 --> 01:08:40,240 Don't make me beat you up, Neal. 1139 01:08:40,325 --> 01:08:42,618 Oh, would Santa really beat someone up? 1140 01:08:42,702 --> 01:08:46,497 - I'm this close. - So you still believe you're Santa? 1141 01:08:46,581 --> 01:08:47,623 I don't know. 1142 01:08:47,707 --> 01:08:49,374 CHARLIE: What do you mean you don't know? 1143 01:08:49,459 --> 01:08:53,295 Of course you are, Dad. How can you say that? 1144 01:08:53,379 --> 01:08:57,007 - Think of all those kids. - The only kid I'm thinking about is you. 1145 01:08:57,091 --> 01:09:00,803 Dad, I'm fine. You can't let them down. 1146 01:09:00,887 --> 01:09:03,972 - They all believe in you. - Charlie, listen. 1147 01:09:04,057 --> 01:09:06,975 You listen! You think you know who he is. 1148 01:09:07,060 --> 01:09:08,560 - You don't! - Charlie. 1149 01:09:09,395 --> 01:09:11,647 Honey, listen. You're confused. 1150 01:09:11,731 --> 01:09:16,151 - I know exactly who he is. - Charlie! He's not Santa. 1151 01:09:16,236 --> 01:09:20,322 He is, too, Santa. We went to the North Pole together. 1152 01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:24,576 I saw it. The elves are real old even though they look like me. 1153 01:09:24,661 --> 01:09:29,540 Bernard called me sport, 'cause he knew everything. Right, Dad? 1154 01:09:31,084 --> 01:09:32,584 Remember! 1155 01:09:57,402 --> 01:09:59,653 Thank you, Charlie. Thank you. 1156 01:10:01,739 --> 01:10:03,156 (WHISPERING) I love you, Dad. 1157 01:10:06,119 --> 01:10:08,871 Could you guys leave us alone for a minute? 1158 01:10:08,955 --> 01:10:11,623 I mean, so I can say goodbye to him properly? 1159 01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:14,334 Sure. 1160 01:10:21,676 --> 01:10:24,887 So! You saw the ball come to life. 1161 01:10:24,971 --> 01:10:29,975 You bet I did. Well, Charlie, I guess I better go. 1162 01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:34,062 - I'll get my stuff. - Wait, sport. Wait, wait. 1163 01:10:34,147 --> 01:10:38,233 I think it's a much better idea if you stayed here with your mom. 1164 01:10:38,318 --> 01:10:40,319 I want to be with you, Dad. 1165 01:10:40,486 --> 01:10:43,906 (CHUCKLING) Boy, I love hearing you say that. 1166 01:10:43,990 --> 01:10:45,490 You mean I can go? 1167 01:10:47,702 --> 01:10:48,869 (CHIMES JINGLING) 1168 01:10:48,953 --> 01:10:50,162 BERNARD: Boy, this bird is dry. 1169 01:10:50,246 --> 01:10:52,497 Haven't you people heard about basting? 1170 01:10:52,582 --> 01:10:54,499 Bernard! 1171 01:10:55,710 --> 01:10:56,835 Hiya, sport. 1172 01:10:56,920 --> 01:10:59,630 Bernard, can I go? Please, can I go, Bernard? 1173 01:10:59,714 --> 01:11:01,089 It's okay with me. 1174 01:11:02,175 --> 01:11:05,510 Charlie, if... 1175 01:11:09,557 --> 01:11:11,516 Charlie? 1176 01:11:17,398 --> 01:11:18,774 Scott! 1177 01:11:20,860 --> 01:11:22,778 Charlie! 1178 01:11:22,862 --> 01:11:24,404 (WIND HOWLING) 1179 01:11:26,783 --> 01:11:29,117 This is our perpetrator! 1180 01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:32,204 Scott Calvin, 38 years old. 1181 01:11:32,580 --> 01:11:34,873 Believes himself to be Santa Claus. 1182 01:11:35,333 --> 01:11:38,502 Ladies and gentlemen, this one is not going to be easy to find. 1183 01:11:38,586 --> 01:11:41,129 Won't the bright red suit and beard give him away? 1184 01:11:41,214 --> 01:11:42,798 (ALL SNICKERING) 1185 01:11:42,882 --> 01:11:46,468 Charlie's got some great ideas on how to keep you safe. 1186 01:11:46,552 --> 01:11:49,096 Santa, this is Quintin, head of research and development. 1187 01:11:49,180 --> 01:11:51,640 - Quintin, good to meet ya. - Hello, Santa. 1188 01:11:51,724 --> 01:11:53,266 Charlie and I have put our heads together. 1189 01:11:53,351 --> 01:11:55,686 I think we've got a few surprises for you. 1190 01:11:55,770 --> 01:11:59,356 This is some of the best stuff that's come out of the workshop since the ball. 1191 01:11:59,440 --> 01:12:01,650 Fabulous. What happens if I fall off the roof? 1192 01:12:01,734 --> 01:12:04,069 Is this the most current photo you have? 1193 01:12:04,445 --> 01:12:05,737 (PHONE RINGING) 1194 01:12:05,822 --> 01:12:07,197 Hold on. 1195 01:12:12,412 --> 01:12:13,495 (CLEARING THROAT) Hello? 1196 01:12:13,579 --> 01:12:17,082 - CHARLIE ON PHONE: Mom! - Oh, Charlie. Oh, my God. 1197 01:12:17,166 --> 01:12:20,002 Honey, how are you? Where are you? 1198 01:12:20,086 --> 01:12:24,006 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. We're up at the North Pole. 1199 01:12:24,090 --> 01:12:27,718 - Charlie, are you sure you're okay? - I'm terrific. 1200 01:12:27,802 --> 01:12:30,053 I'm helping the elves build a new sleigh. 1201 01:12:30,138 --> 01:12:32,889 We're trying for a vertical takeoff. Well, gotta go. 1202 01:12:32,974 --> 01:12:34,766 - The elves need me. - No. Charlie, wait. 1203 01:12:34,851 --> 01:12:37,310 - No. Don't hang up. Charlie, don't... - See you at Christmas. 1204 01:12:37,395 --> 01:12:38,770 (DISCONNECTS CALL) 1205 01:12:39,772 --> 01:12:41,857 BERNARD: Fireplaces will no longer be a problem. 1206 01:12:48,197 --> 01:12:51,908 It's a new fabric. Completely flame retardant. 1207 01:12:51,993 --> 01:12:53,744 It's light, yet durable. 1208 01:12:53,828 --> 01:12:56,955 And you can wear the jumpsuit under your coat and pants. 1209 01:12:57,040 --> 01:13:00,584 But what do I do if I fall off a roof? 1210 01:13:00,668 --> 01:13:05,714 We'll cordon off a three-block radius around Dr. Miller's house. 1211 01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:08,550 Calvin is to be apprehended unharmed. 1212 01:13:08,634 --> 01:13:12,596 And remember, he'll probably be dressed like Santa Claus. 1213 01:13:13,264 --> 01:13:14,806 (ROCK SONG PLAYING) 1214 01:13:26,486 --> 01:13:28,236 (TIRES SCREECHING) 1215 01:13:30,907 --> 01:13:32,407 (SIRENS WAILING) 1216 01:13:32,492 --> 01:13:34,534 Give it your best shot 1217 01:13:37,205 --> 01:13:40,582 What you got is oh, so sweet 1218 01:13:40,666 --> 01:13:42,042 (SIREN WAILING) 1219 01:13:43,920 --> 01:13:46,421 - Freeze! - What? 1220 01:13:46,506 --> 01:13:50,759 I need a routine, gimme all your loving 1221 01:13:50,843 --> 01:13:53,261 Not even my suit. It's a rental. 1222 01:13:57,225 --> 01:14:02,354 Gimme all your loving Don't let up until we're through 1223 01:14:02,438 --> 01:14:04,689 "From Comet, to Santa." Did you make the card? 1224 01:14:04,774 --> 01:14:05,941 (GRUNTING) 1225 01:14:06,025 --> 01:14:08,485 It's a nice rope. Just in case I fall off the roof? 1226 01:14:08,569 --> 01:14:10,028 (GRUNTING) 1227 01:14:10,113 --> 01:14:13,448 Comet, this means a lot to me. Thanks, buddy. 1228 01:14:13,533 --> 01:14:15,659 If I blow my top 1229 01:14:17,495 --> 01:14:20,455 Will you let it go to your head? 1230 01:14:21,374 --> 01:14:23,500 Gimme all your loving 1231 01:14:25,044 --> 01:14:26,878 All right, let's go! 1232 01:14:28,714 --> 01:14:31,049 - You ready to go, sport? - You betcha, Dad. 1233 01:14:31,134 --> 01:14:34,052 Now Dasher, now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! 1234 01:14:34,137 --> 01:14:37,597 On Comet, on Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen! 1235 01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:39,057 Hah! 1236 01:14:41,018 --> 01:14:45,313 CHARLIE: Bye! Bye, Quintin! Bye, Peewee! 1237 01:14:45,398 --> 01:14:47,315 Merry Christmas! 1238 01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:48,984 Hyah! 1239 01:14:49,569 --> 01:14:50,986 - (GRUNTS) - CHARLIE: Whoa. 1240 01:15:00,746 --> 01:15:02,414 Take your time. 1241 01:15:04,834 --> 01:15:07,586 Turn to your right. Hello! 1242 01:15:11,132 --> 01:15:12,716 No. 1243 01:15:14,343 --> 01:15:15,760 Charlie, stay in your seat. 1244 01:15:15,845 --> 01:15:18,847 I gotta show you this. Radar-jamming jingle bells, 1245 01:15:18,931 --> 01:15:21,183 snow screen, 1246 01:15:21,267 --> 01:15:23,852 DC-10 alert and air freshener. 1247 01:15:23,936 --> 01:15:27,189 - Wow! - And most important of all, 1248 01:15:27,273 --> 01:15:29,065 - your hat. - My hat? 1249 01:15:29,150 --> 01:15:31,234 It's lined with a two-way radio. 1250 01:15:31,652 --> 01:15:35,614 Microphone's in here. It connects you directly to Judy. 1251 01:15:35,698 --> 01:15:38,700 - Wait a minute. What's this? - Oh, that's a CD. 1252 01:15:38,784 --> 01:15:43,079 - Compact disc. - No. Cookie/cocoa dispenser. 1253 01:15:43,164 --> 01:15:45,498 The cocoa comes out nice and hot. 1254 01:15:45,583 --> 01:15:48,460 And out pops a cookie. 1255 01:15:49,629 --> 01:15:51,546 How could I have done this without ya, Charlie? 1256 01:15:51,631 --> 01:15:54,132 - You couldn't. - (CHUCKLES) 1257 01:16:03,768 --> 01:16:05,393 (CHIMES JINGLING) 1258 01:16:14,862 --> 01:16:16,071 (SHUSHING) 1259 01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:20,742 You're fatter this year. 1260 01:16:20,826 --> 01:16:23,495 Thank you very much. You've grown, too. 1261 01:16:24,247 --> 01:16:26,039 And you were a very good girl this year, 1262 01:16:26,123 --> 01:16:27,916 but I want you to go back to sleep, okay? 1263 01:16:33,172 --> 01:16:34,631 (GULPING) 1264 01:16:36,968 --> 01:16:38,385 (SMACKING LIPS) 1265 01:16:39,428 --> 01:16:40,720 (GAGGING) 1266 01:16:42,181 --> 01:16:45,684 - I think the milk's a little sour. - It's soy milk. 1267 01:16:45,977 --> 01:16:46,977 Huh? 1268 01:16:47,061 --> 01:16:49,437 You said you were lactose intolerant. 1269 01:16:50,356 --> 01:16:53,108 I did say that, didn't I? Thanks for remembering. 1270 01:16:53,192 --> 01:16:55,527 Go to sleep. 1271 01:16:55,861 --> 01:16:57,404 (CHIMES JINGLING) 1272 01:16:59,407 --> 01:17:01,199 Merry Christmas, Sara. 1273 01:17:01,284 --> 01:17:03,201 Merry Christmas, Santa. 1274 01:17:05,579 --> 01:17:08,123 CHARLIE: Look, there's Mom and Neal's street. 1275 01:17:08,207 --> 01:17:09,791 - Can we go there next? - Sure. 1276 01:17:09,875 --> 01:17:12,210 I made something for them at the workshop. 1277 01:17:16,048 --> 01:17:17,590 (SCOTT HUMMING) 1278 01:17:27,977 --> 01:17:29,728 (HUMMING CONTINUES) 1279 01:17:35,318 --> 01:17:36,443 Freeze! 1280 01:17:38,654 --> 01:17:40,155 Oh! (LAUGHS) 1281 01:17:40,573 --> 01:17:42,324 You officers really gave me a start. 1282 01:17:42,408 --> 01:17:44,659 - Merry Christmas, guys. - Not for you, fat boy. 1283 01:17:44,744 --> 01:17:48,330 "Fat boy"? Guys. 1284 01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:49,706 Uh-uh-uh. Nice and easy now. 1285 01:17:51,459 --> 01:17:54,002 Guys, guys. I got a lot of work to do. This is a big mistake. 1286 01:17:54,086 --> 01:17:57,047 You got to watch the suit, too. This is so old. It's an antique, you know. 1287 01:17:57,131 --> 01:17:59,841 - Where's the boy? - He's in the sleigh. 1288 01:17:59,925 --> 01:18:01,801 We got Calvin. We're bringing him out. 1289 01:18:01,886 --> 01:18:05,263 CHARLIE OVER MICROPHONE: Santa, are you okay? Over, over. 1290 01:18:05,639 --> 01:18:07,015 (GRUNTING) 1291 01:18:13,647 --> 01:18:15,357 - Watch your head. - Santa? Are you all right? 1292 01:18:15,441 --> 01:18:18,276 - Santa? - It'll be okay, kids. 1293 01:18:18,361 --> 01:18:21,279 Let him go! Let Santa go! 1294 01:18:27,787 --> 01:18:29,537 (SIREN WAILING) 1295 01:18:37,296 --> 01:18:40,298 NEAL: Honey, I'm sure Charlie's fine. 1296 01:18:49,809 --> 01:18:53,853 We've got a problem. Santa was at the Millers, but he's not responding. 1297 01:18:53,938 --> 01:18:57,273 Well, time to deploy E.L.F.S. 1298 01:19:00,069 --> 01:19:01,486 (BELL TOLLING) 1299 01:19:03,489 --> 01:19:05,073 Let's go! 1300 01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:06,616 (BELLS CHIMING) 1301 01:19:09,662 --> 01:19:11,871 Go, go, go, go! 1302 01:19:19,505 --> 01:19:21,047 (WATCH BEEPING) 1303 01:19:28,848 --> 01:19:30,390 (WHOOSHING) 1304 01:19:40,025 --> 01:19:43,153 Look, I know you're Scott Calvin. 1305 01:19:43,237 --> 01:19:47,532 You know you're Scott Calvin. So let's make this simple. 1306 01:19:47,616 --> 01:19:51,035 I say, name. You say, Scott Calvin. 1307 01:19:53,706 --> 01:19:57,375 - Name? - Kriss Kringle. 1308 01:19:58,711 --> 01:20:01,588 - Name? - Sinterklaas. 1309 01:20:01,672 --> 01:20:04,132 - Name? - Père Noël. 1310 01:20:04,216 --> 01:20:07,635 Babbo Natale. Pelz-Nicole. 1311 01:20:07,720 --> 01:20:10,472 Topo Gigio. (LAUGHS) 1312 01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:14,934 Okay, Calvin. Maybe a couple of hours in the tank'll change your mind. 1313 01:20:18,481 --> 01:20:19,814 (SLURPING) 1314 01:20:31,535 --> 01:20:32,660 (WATCHES BEEPING) 1315 01:20:36,332 --> 01:20:38,416 - Charlie? - Yeah? 1316 01:20:38,501 --> 01:20:41,169 Don't worry. We're the good guys. 1317 01:20:41,253 --> 01:20:43,755 Come on. Let's go save Santa. 1318 01:20:47,676 --> 01:20:51,554 We can't. The police are watching this place. 1319 01:20:51,639 --> 01:20:53,723 Yeah, they probably are. 1320 01:20:53,807 --> 01:20:56,434 But you see, we weren't figuring on walking out the front door. 1321 01:20:56,519 --> 01:21:00,855 We find that we can get around a lot faster if we fly. 1322 01:21:00,940 --> 01:21:02,941 Now grab hold of my hand. 1323 01:21:04,109 --> 01:21:06,277 And hang on tight. 1324 01:21:06,946 --> 01:21:09,197 - And Charlie? - Yeah? 1325 01:21:09,281 --> 01:21:11,908 Don't ever try this without elf supervision. 1326 01:21:21,001 --> 01:21:22,627 (LAUGHING) 1327 01:21:36,809 --> 01:21:38,810 (DOOR CREAKING) 1328 01:21:53,033 --> 01:21:54,659 We're looking for Santa Claus. 1329 01:21:54,743 --> 01:21:57,996 Go home, kids. Visiting hours are over. 1330 01:21:58,080 --> 01:22:01,749 We're not kids, and we're not visiting. 1331 01:22:01,834 --> 01:22:06,337 - We're here to bust out my dad. - You're the Calvin boy. 1332 01:22:10,217 --> 01:22:11,467 Who are these other kids? 1333 01:22:11,552 --> 01:22:13,052 We're your worst nightmare. 1334 01:22:14,221 --> 01:22:16,931 Elves with attitude. 1335 01:22:23,939 --> 01:22:25,481 (LAUGHING) 1336 01:22:30,404 --> 01:22:32,363 Shouldn't have had that donut. 1337 01:22:35,242 --> 01:22:37,368 Untie me! I mean it! 1338 01:22:37,453 --> 01:22:38,703 Untie... (MUFFLED YELLING) 1339 01:22:42,499 --> 01:22:44,751 - Charlie! - Are you okay, Dad? 1340 01:22:44,835 --> 01:22:46,586 I am now. 1341 01:22:53,344 --> 01:22:54,510 (WHISTLING) 1342 01:22:54,595 --> 01:22:56,054 How'd you do that? 1343 01:22:56,138 --> 01:22:58,556 Tinsel. Not just for decoration. 1344 01:23:00,225 --> 01:23:03,853 Hey, excuse me. Can I get some of that tinsel? 1345 01:23:07,316 --> 01:23:08,816 (DOOR OPENING) 1346 01:23:09,485 --> 01:23:10,860 CHARLIE: Mom? 1347 01:23:12,196 --> 01:23:13,321 Mom! 1348 01:23:14,657 --> 01:23:18,034 Neal? I'm home! 1349 01:23:18,118 --> 01:23:19,577 Charlie? 1350 01:23:21,580 --> 01:23:24,707 - Charlie? Oh, my God, Charlie! - Charlie. 1351 01:23:24,792 --> 01:23:28,670 Sweetheart. Oh, God. Come here, come here. 1352 01:23:28,754 --> 01:23:31,673 Oh, my boy. Oh, sweetheart. 1353 01:23:31,757 --> 01:23:34,008 My boy, you're home! 1354 01:23:34,093 --> 01:23:37,178 I missed you so much. How are you? 1355 01:23:37,262 --> 01:23:41,015 - I'm fine, Mom. - LAURA: Are you okay? Look at me. 1356 01:23:41,100 --> 01:23:42,892 - Charlie, I missed you, honey. - Mom, I'm fine. It's okay. 1357 01:23:42,976 --> 01:23:44,185 (SIREN WAILING) 1358 01:23:44,269 --> 01:23:46,688 - LAURA: I was so worried. - Mom, put me down. 1359 01:23:46,772 --> 01:23:50,441 - Stop kissing me. - I don't have a lot of time. 1360 01:23:53,445 --> 01:23:56,406 Did you leave the gifts I made under the tree? 1361 01:23:56,490 --> 01:23:58,700 - You bet I did. - We better go. 1362 01:23:58,784 --> 01:24:00,702 - No, Charlie. No, no, no. - No! Wait, Charlie. 1363 01:24:00,786 --> 01:24:02,328 It's okay, Laura. 1364 01:24:06,291 --> 01:24:11,212 Actually, I... I think it's a much better idea 1365 01:24:11,296 --> 01:24:13,381 that you stay here with your mom and Neal. 1366 01:24:13,465 --> 01:24:16,551 - Really? - But, Dad... 1367 01:24:16,635 --> 01:24:20,221 No buts, Charlie. I can't be selfish. 1368 01:24:20,305 --> 01:24:22,223 I can't be with ya all the time. 1369 01:24:22,307 --> 01:24:24,559 We're a family. 1370 01:24:24,643 --> 01:24:26,894 You, me, your mom... 1371 01:24:28,647 --> 01:24:30,732 And Neal. 1372 01:24:30,816 --> 01:24:33,943 And they need to be with ya, too. 1373 01:24:34,027 --> 01:24:36,487 I miss you too much. 1374 01:24:37,030 --> 01:24:38,489 (SOBBING) 1375 01:24:38,574 --> 01:24:39,907 Come here a minute. 1376 01:24:40,033 --> 01:24:41,367 (CHIMES JINGLING) 1377 01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:46,247 Listen to me. 1378 01:24:47,499 --> 01:24:49,792 Come on, listen. There's a lot of kids out there. 1379 01:24:49,877 --> 01:24:52,253 Okay? Millions of kids. 1380 01:24:53,213 --> 01:24:56,924 They all believe in me. They're counting on me, Charlie. 1381 01:24:58,177 --> 01:25:02,430 I'm not gonna let 'em down. I got a lot of work to do. 1382 01:25:02,514 --> 01:25:05,433 So I can't be selfish either. 1383 01:25:07,227 --> 01:25:11,189 You gave me a wonderful gift. Listen, a wonderful gift. 1384 01:25:11,857 --> 01:25:14,275 You believed in me when nobody else did. 1385 01:25:14,359 --> 01:25:16,611 You helped make me Santa. 1386 01:25:18,071 --> 01:25:20,990 Selfish? Come on. 1387 01:25:21,074 --> 01:25:24,619 You're the least selfish person I know. 1388 01:25:28,207 --> 01:25:31,000 I love you, Santa Claus. 1389 01:25:31,293 --> 01:25:32,502 (SOBBING) 1390 01:25:32,586 --> 01:25:34,337 I love you, son. 1391 01:25:37,341 --> 01:25:38,800 (SHUSHING) 1392 01:25:39,927 --> 01:25:44,305 It's okay. Okay. It's okay. (SHUSHING) 1393 01:25:52,815 --> 01:25:54,315 Laura, what do you think? 1394 01:25:54,399 --> 01:25:56,025 Christmas Eve you guys spend with Charlie? 1395 01:25:58,779 --> 01:26:01,280 Oh, my God. 1396 01:26:03,283 --> 01:26:04,867 It's you. 1397 01:26:07,329 --> 01:26:08,746 It really is you. 1398 01:26:10,874 --> 01:26:12,542 You really are 1399 01:26:14,086 --> 01:26:15,920 Santa Claus. 1400 01:26:16,755 --> 01:26:19,966 - Pretty cool, huh? - Oh, my God. 1401 01:26:21,009 --> 01:26:23,177 And your parents thought I'd never amount to anything. 1402 01:26:23,262 --> 01:26:24,387 (CHUCKLING) 1403 01:26:24,471 --> 01:26:28,558 Wait. Don't go yet. I have something for you. 1404 01:26:29,601 --> 01:26:31,352 It's Santa. 1405 01:26:34,898 --> 01:26:38,150 - Scott. - Neal. 1406 01:26:48,620 --> 01:26:49,871 Santa? 1407 01:26:49,955 --> 01:26:51,247 It's okay, Neal. 1408 01:26:52,124 --> 01:26:53,374 (GRUNTS) 1409 01:26:54,793 --> 01:26:56,127 Here. 1410 01:26:57,379 --> 01:26:59,839 It's... Well, it's... 1411 01:26:59,923 --> 01:27:03,801 It's my Christmas present for you. It's the custody papers. 1412 01:27:05,220 --> 01:27:09,682 And I want you to come and see Charlie as often as you can. 1413 01:27:09,766 --> 01:27:11,559 SCOTT: You can count on it. 1414 01:27:12,644 --> 01:27:13,936 Thanks, Laura. 1415 01:27:18,734 --> 01:27:21,152 Merry Christmas. 1416 01:27:21,278 --> 01:27:24,655 What's all this boo-hooing going on here? Hey, how ya doing? 1417 01:27:24,740 --> 01:27:27,074 It's nothing, Bernard. I'm just saying goodbye to Charlie. 1418 01:27:27,159 --> 01:27:30,453 What goodbye? You still got the glass ball, right? 1419 01:27:30,537 --> 01:27:31,579 Yeah. 1420 01:27:31,663 --> 01:27:36,000 Well, all you got to do is shake it whenever you want to see your dad. 1421 01:27:36,084 --> 01:27:37,293 Really? 1422 01:27:37,377 --> 01:27:39,253 BERNARD: He can come back to see you 1423 01:27:39,338 --> 01:27:41,255 anytime, day or night. 1424 01:27:41,340 --> 01:27:43,341 Hey, have I ever steered ya wrong? 1425 01:27:46,261 --> 01:27:48,179 Nice sweater. 1426 01:27:48,263 --> 01:27:50,139 Hey, did we make this? 1427 01:27:51,350 --> 01:27:56,437 Laura. He's sucking us into his delusions. 1428 01:27:56,521 --> 01:28:00,358 Look at the elaborate measures he's taken. 1429 01:28:00,442 --> 01:28:04,111 Neal, relax. 1430 01:28:04,196 --> 01:28:06,280 I'll explain it to you later. 1431 01:28:08,742 --> 01:28:10,242 Where'd he go? 1432 01:28:13,163 --> 01:28:14,789 (SIRENS WAILING) 1433 01:28:23,048 --> 01:28:24,966 Go, go, go, go! 1434 01:28:25,467 --> 01:28:27,218 Team one! 1435 01:28:34,726 --> 01:28:36,227 Okay, stand back, folks. Give us some room. 1436 01:28:37,145 --> 01:28:38,521 - Here you go, sir. - Thanks. 1437 01:28:38,605 --> 01:28:42,191 Return to your homes! Stay off the street! 1438 01:28:42,275 --> 01:28:44,485 Come on, folks. Let us do our job here. 1439 01:28:44,569 --> 01:28:47,947 Excuse me, excuse me. Hi! 1440 01:28:48,031 --> 01:28:49,657 You know, you don't have to send anybody... 1441 01:28:49,741 --> 01:28:50,908 - Hey! Hey! - Oh, my gosh! 1442 01:28:50,993 --> 01:28:53,828 That's my ex-husband and he's already up the chimney. 1443 01:28:53,912 --> 01:28:55,705 Chief, look up there. 1444 01:28:57,082 --> 01:28:58,499 (CROWD GASPING) 1445 01:28:58,583 --> 01:29:01,669 BOY: Santa Claus! 1446 01:29:01,753 --> 01:29:03,713 Santa. 1447 01:29:05,799 --> 01:29:07,425 MAN: Look! 1448 01:29:13,849 --> 01:29:15,558 GIRL: What is it? 1449 01:29:18,186 --> 01:29:20,104 Oh, wow! 1450 01:29:20,981 --> 01:29:22,189 Up there. Do you see it? 1451 01:29:22,274 --> 01:29:23,816 Hey, do you see it? 1452 01:29:27,863 --> 01:29:30,448 - Goodbye, Charlie. - Bye, Dad! 1453 01:29:30,532 --> 01:29:34,285 Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night! 1454 01:29:39,124 --> 01:29:40,708 I'm sorry, Charlie. 1455 01:29:40,792 --> 01:29:44,712 That's okay, Neal. You were just denying your inner child. 1456 01:29:44,796 --> 01:29:45,838 (LAUGHING) 1457 01:29:46,423 --> 01:29:50,551 You're gonna make a great psychiatrist one day, kid. 1458 01:29:50,635 --> 01:29:55,222 No, I think I'm going to go into the family business. 1459 01:30:01,354 --> 01:30:02,855 Look out below! 1460 01:30:15,660 --> 01:30:17,495 NEAL: My wienie whistle. 1461 01:30:23,460 --> 01:30:25,211 (BLOWING WHISTLE) 1462 01:30:34,012 --> 01:30:35,679 (ELVES LAUGHING) 1463 01:30:47,609 --> 01:30:50,277 - Bye! - Merry Christmas! 1464 01:30:52,531 --> 01:30:54,323 (ELVES LAUGHING) 1465 01:31:07,379 --> 01:31:08,587 (DOOR OPENING) 1466 01:31:08,672 --> 01:31:11,257 LAURA: Charlie? Time to come inside. 1467 01:31:13,552 --> 01:31:16,053 CHARLIE: Mom, this stupid ball's not working. 1468 01:31:22,769 --> 01:31:25,104 Shoot. 1469 01:31:30,402 --> 01:31:34,155 - Hey, sport! - Dad! 1470 01:31:34,239 --> 01:31:37,324 You miss me already? I've been gone, what? Ten minutes? 1471 01:31:37,409 --> 01:31:40,661 Give me a break. I was on my way to Cleveland. 1472 01:31:41,830 --> 01:31:43,038 Come here and give me a hug. 1473 01:31:47,419 --> 01:31:48,669 (GRUNTS) 1474 01:31:52,090 --> 01:31:54,925 - Do you want to go for a quick ride? - Yeah! 1475 01:31:56,469 --> 01:31:59,930 - Of course, it's up to your mom. - Please, Mom. 1476 01:32:02,767 --> 01:32:04,393 Go on. Get out of here. 1477 01:32:06,479 --> 01:32:09,023 All right. Hold on. 1478 01:32:13,361 --> 01:32:16,614 - On our way. - Bye, Mom! 1479 01:32:21,244 --> 01:32:22,786 Just a quick one. 1480 01:32:23,872 --> 01:32:25,206 And... 1481 01:32:25,290 --> 01:32:28,209 Not over any oceans, Scott. 1482 01:32:28,293 --> 01:32:31,462 - Bye, Mom! Bye! - Scott. 1483 01:32:32,214 --> 01:32:34,423 Scott! 1484 01:32:34,674 --> 01:32:36,592 Santa! 1485 01:33:02,410 --> 01:33:04,411 (CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING) 1486 01:33:16,341 --> 01:33:19,760 All the brightly colored paper 1487 01:33:19,844 --> 01:33:23,055 Lies around the Christmas tree 1488 01:33:23,139 --> 01:33:25,474 While mothers shake their heads 1489 01:33:25,558 --> 01:33:30,312 And pack the decorations carefully 1490 01:33:37,153 --> 01:33:40,656 All the little children know that 1491 01:33:40,740 --> 01:33:43,951 Monday's just another day 1492 01:33:44,035 --> 01:33:47,413 They feel a little sad to think 1493 01:33:47,497 --> 01:33:50,791 That Santa's gone away 1494 01:33:50,959 --> 01:33:54,253 But Christmas will return 1495 01:33:54,337 --> 01:33:57,798 And joyful hearts like candles burn 1496 01:33:57,882 --> 01:34:01,302 With love for all the little ones 1497 01:34:01,386 --> 01:34:04,638 In countries far and near 1498 01:34:04,848 --> 01:34:07,975 And if we live and learn 1499 01:34:08,226 --> 01:34:11,812 To show the world our real concern 1500 01:34:11,896 --> 01:34:14,565 Then Christmas will return, yeah 1501 01:34:14,649 --> 01:34:16,649 Every year 1502 01:34:21,990 --> 01:34:22,990 Yeah 1503 01:34:26,036 --> 01:34:29,413 Take a little Christmas spirit 1504 01:34:29,497 --> 01:34:32,916 With you into each new year 1505 01:34:33,001 --> 01:34:36,420 Make a little Christmas spirit 1506 01:34:36,504 --> 01:34:40,632 Last till Easter Sunday's here 1507 01:34:43,428 --> 01:34:46,889 Take it with you through the summer 1508 01:34:46,973 --> 01:34:50,184 Till the autumn leaves arrive 1509 01:34:50,268 --> 01:34:53,812 In the bitter cold of winter 1510 01:34:53,897 --> 01:34:56,815 The spark is still alive 1511 01:34:57,233 --> 01:34:59,985 Christmas will return 1512 01:35:00,612 --> 01:35:04,156 And joyful hearts like candles burn 1513 01:35:04,240 --> 01:35:07,534 With love for all the little ones 1514 01:35:07,619 --> 01:35:11,038 In countries far and near 1515 01:35:11,122 --> 01:35:14,208 And if we live and learn 1516 01:35:14,459 --> 01:35:18,045 To show the world our real concern 1517 01:35:18,129 --> 01:35:20,756 Then Christmas will return 1518 01:35:20,840 --> 01:35:25,094 Every year 1519 01:35:25,178 --> 01:35:28,639 Christmas will return 1520 01:35:30,141 --> 01:35:32,559 So much 1521 01:35:32,977 --> 01:35:36,146 Love for the little ones 1522 01:35:38,274 --> 01:35:42,611 Oh, they can live and learn 1523 01:35:51,413 --> 01:35:55,666 Yeah 1524 01:35:56,334 --> 01:35:59,962 Take it with you through the summer 1525 01:36:00,046 --> 01:36:03,424 Till the autumn leaves arrive 1526 01:36:03,508 --> 01:36:06,885 In the bitter cold of winter 1527 01:36:06,970 --> 01:36:12,516 See the spark is still alive 1528 01:36:13,017 --> 01:36:17,354 Oh, oh, Christmas will return 1529 01:36:17,439 --> 01:36:20,732 Joyful hearts like candles burn 1530 01:36:20,817 --> 01:36:24,153 With love for all the little ones 1531 01:36:24,237 --> 01:36:27,781 In counties far and near 1532 01:36:27,866 --> 01:36:31,076 If we live and learn 1533 01:36:31,244 --> 01:36:33,954 To show the world our real concern 1534 01:36:34,038 --> 01:36:37,374 Christmas will return 1535 01:36:37,667 --> 01:36:39,667 Every year 112973