Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,406 --> 00:00:06,626
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:09,675 --> 00:00:12,443
Hubert, great work
on the cafeteria gravy story.
3
00:00:12,478 --> 00:00:14,912
Answered a lot of questions
but raised a lot more.
4
00:00:16,682 --> 00:00:21,049
I come bearing the thing
you journalists hate most: news.
5
00:00:21,096 --> 00:00:23,296
The Daily Fourth Gradian
is hemorrhaging money.
6
00:00:23,364 --> 00:00:25,264
Last month the paper lost...
7
00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,300
$32.
8
00:00:28,436 --> 00:00:30,436
But you can't put a price on the truth.
9
00:00:30,472 --> 00:00:35,074
I finally got a source to go on the
record about dodgeball concussions.
10
00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:37,076
Bombardment, bombardment.
11
00:00:37,145 --> 00:00:40,046
Bombardment.
12
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,482
I'm sorry, but I have no choice
but to bring in a new editor.
13
00:00:42,517 --> 00:00:46,119
The fifth grader who somehow
turned the school poetry magazine
14
00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:50,056
into a cash-blasting fire hose: Billy.
15
00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:52,358
Preschool is over, news skanks.
16
00:00:52,393 --> 00:00:54,260
Today is gonna be like Carrie Underwood
17
00:00:54,295 --> 00:00:56,229
hosting the Country Music Awards...
18
00:00:56,297 --> 00:00:58,264
we're in for a lot of changes.
19
00:00:58,299 --> 00:01:00,466
You... I can tell you're a real talent.
20
00:01:00,502 --> 00:01:02,335
Get out. You're fired.
21
00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:04,270
See? No one's safe.
22
00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:06,472
Fidget spinner.
23
00:01:06,508 --> 00:01:08,141
What are you doing?
24
00:01:08,176 --> 00:01:10,042
Hubert's a good journalist.
25
00:01:10,078 --> 00:01:12,378
Good journalism ain't paying
the pizza man, toots.
26
00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:15,047
We are going online only:
27
00:01:15,083 --> 00:01:17,383
pop-culture quizzes, sponsored lists,
28
00:01:17,418 --> 00:01:19,485
headlines that grab you by the book bag:
29
00:01:19,521 --> 00:01:22,255
"You Won't Believe
What Milhouse Looks Like Now."
30
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,090
You bet your book bag I won't.
31
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:27,360
But you can't just turn the school
paper into online clickbait.
32
00:01:27,395 --> 00:01:29,228
We have a responsibility to...
33
00:01:29,264 --> 00:01:31,230
Oh, my God, it's still talking.
34
00:01:31,266 --> 00:01:34,200
I hate you so much I'm giving
you the most important job
35
00:01:34,235 --> 00:01:35,401
at this swipe rag.
36
00:01:35,436 --> 00:01:38,104
- You're a what?
- I'm a recapper.
37
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:40,072
Huh? What?
38
00:01:40,108 --> 00:01:42,041
A TV recapper.
39
00:01:42,076 --> 00:01:45,144
I watch every episode of a show,
then write a summary,
40
00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:48,147
followed by snarky comments
and a letter grade.
41
00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:50,049
Well, sometimes I do worry
42
00:01:50,118 --> 00:01:53,486
I have the wrong opinions
about what I've just seen.
43
00:01:58,126 --> 00:02:00,326
Ugh. This isn't me.
44
00:02:00,361 --> 00:02:03,262
What kind of person can just
spew out an endless stream
45
00:02:03,298 --> 00:02:05,398
of knee-jerk reactions?
46
00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:08,034
They should hand out candy
at Thanksgiving
47
00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:10,336
and stuffing at Halloween.
48
00:02:10,371 --> 00:02:14,173
Say, Dad, you sure have a lot
of strong opinions.
49
00:02:14,209 --> 00:02:17,176
Why don't you watch this show
and tell me what you think?
50
00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:29,322
Hey, yeah. Ah!
51
00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:32,058
Ta-da!
52
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,293
Mm-hmm.
53
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,363
Hmm.
54
00:02:37,398 --> 00:02:39,432
The mouse and the cat hate each other.
55
00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:41,234
That feels real to me.
56
00:02:41,302 --> 00:02:43,302
It was quite a ride, and I was on board
57
00:02:43,338 --> 00:02:45,271
until the shawarma screamed. Huh.
58
00:02:45,340 --> 00:02:47,173
Very disappointing.
59
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,108
An instant classic.
60
00:02:49,143 --> 00:02:52,211
Dad, you were born to describe
TV at a fourth-grade level.
61
00:02:52,247 --> 00:02:54,247
Ooh, well.
62
00:02:54,282 --> 00:02:57,049
Would you recap The Krusty Show
for my school paper?
63
00:02:57,085 --> 00:03:00,253
All you have to do is watch TV
and say things about it.
64
00:03:00,288 --> 00:03:03,422
Just say things about TV.
65
00:03:03,458 --> 00:03:06,125
Oh.
66
00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:15,134
Krusty, a recapper is now
reviewing your show.
67
00:03:15,169 --> 00:03:16,402
Let me see that.
68
00:03:16,437 --> 00:03:18,204
"Monologue seemed endless"?
69
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,273
"Pie clearly hits face of stunt double"?
70
00:03:20,308 --> 00:03:23,009
"Overuse of comedic rule of three"?!
71
00:03:23,044 --> 00:03:25,011
Why would I possibly care
72
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,446
about the opinion of this
pathetic bottom feeder?
73
00:03:27,515 --> 00:03:30,082
Huh? B-minus?!
74
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:36,088
C-plus?! Aah!
75
00:03:36,124 --> 00:03:39,058
C-minus?
76
00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:40,226
Ow!
77
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:43,195
Today's Krusty Show pulled out
all the stops.
78
00:03:43,231 --> 00:03:45,031
Which was a huge mistake,
79
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:48,000
as many of the stops should have
been left in. D-plus.
80
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:59,412
I'll teach you to insult a
thin-skinned Hollywood narcissist.
81
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,869
Oh, Tesla, your 900-pound feet
82
00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:06,218
of silent, instant torque is
the perfect killing machine.
83
00:04:09,023 --> 00:04:11,057
Where do I know that guy?
84
00:04:11,092 --> 00:04:12,291
Aah! Aah!
85
00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:14,360
Vengeful clown!
86
00:04:16,030 --> 00:04:20,053
"Krusty is trying to murder me.
87
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,300
"If he does,
88
00:04:21,369 --> 00:04:24,370
it'll be the first time
he's killed in years."
89
00:04:24,405 --> 00:04:27,187
I'm not funny?
90
00:04:27,212 --> 00:04:29,342
You want to see something really humor?!
91
00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:34,080
"Running me off the road?
92
00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:36,382
Clearly, a murderer out of ideas."
93
00:04:40,221 --> 00:04:41,454
Like my show!
94
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:45,157
Why? Is it season four again?
95
00:04:45,193 --> 00:04:46,392
Why, you.
96
00:04:58,473 --> 00:05:00,206
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
97
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:12,950
Oh, please be okay. Please be okay.
98
00:05:13,004 --> 00:05:16,055
If anything happened to you,
I-I don't know what I'd do.
99
00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,390
Oh, give me a sign.
100
00:05:17,425 --> 00:05:19,258
Let me know my world isn't over.
101
00:05:19,293 --> 00:05:20,993
Don't look in my trunk!
102
00:05:21,062 --> 00:05:23,429
But if you do,
a Chinese doctor says I need it.
103
00:05:23,464 --> 00:05:26,132
Oh, you're okay.
104
00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:29,068
All right, tell me who assaulted
you, and we'll bring 'em in.
105
00:05:29,103 --> 00:05:33,272
Unless it's gangs or motorcycle guys.
A motorcycle guy will whip you
106
00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:35,207
right in the face with his chain.
107
00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:37,009
He doesn't care.
108
00:05:37,078 --> 00:05:39,045
Krusty tried to run me off the road!
109
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,313
But I'm still alive. C-plus.
110
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,051
Ah.
111
00:05:45,086 --> 00:05:47,558
Don't worry, Krusty.
112
00:05:47,583 --> 00:05:50,022
I know a place where the police
will never find you.
113
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:53,459
Yeah, good luck, kid,
but I'm a big-time TV celebrity.
114
00:05:53,494 --> 00:05:56,429
The last thing
I could ever do is blend in.
115
00:05:56,464 --> 00:05:58,397
Hmm?
116
00:06:00,468 --> 00:06:03,038
The circus? Why?
117
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,203
You're a clown.
118
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,305
I won't stand here and be insulted!
119
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:08,274
Y... Oh, right.
120
00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:13,540
Kid, I'm a TV clown
121
00:06:13,609 --> 00:06:15,909
not like these trapeze-sucking
tent-fluffers.
122
00:06:15,978 --> 00:06:17,811
Circus clowns don't talk,
123
00:06:17,913 --> 00:06:21,715
while I perform to camera
with finely honed subtlety.
124
00:06:21,783 --> 00:06:24,117
Hey-hey!
125
00:06:24,186 --> 00:06:26,653
Easy on the "hey-heys."
126
00:06:26,722 --> 00:06:28,755
The cops are looking everywhere for you.
127
00:06:28,824 --> 00:06:29,956
I can't go to jail.
128
00:06:30,025 --> 00:06:32,826
I just quit smoking. What do I do?
129
00:06:32,895 --> 00:06:33,960
Huh?
130
00:06:34,029 --> 00:06:36,730
So, what do you call yourself?
131
00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:41,420
- Soggy. Soggy the Clown.
- Thought we already had a Soggy.
132
00:06:41,445 --> 00:06:43,312
Nah, nah, you're thinking of Moisty.
133
00:06:43,414 --> 00:06:44,613
You're hired.
134
00:06:44,682 --> 00:06:47,383
So, Soggy, uh, what's your act?
135
00:06:47,451 --> 00:06:49,518
Well, I can introduce cartoons,
136
00:06:49,587 --> 00:06:52,521
pretend to enjoy
children's breakfast cereal.
137
00:06:52,623 --> 00:06:54,976
Oh, and I completely blow my stack
138
00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:57,259
when someone takes my parking space.
139
00:06:57,328 --> 00:07:00,429
You sound like a... TV clown.
140
00:07:00,531 --> 00:07:02,331
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
141
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,267
I hate TV clowns
from how you just said that.
142
00:07:05,403 --> 00:07:09,338
TV clowns. Riding
four to a car like royalty,
143
00:07:09,407 --> 00:07:12,241
eating their stew from a bowl
instead of cupped hands.
144
00:07:12,309 --> 00:07:16,478
And you know who's the worst is
that white-faced Judas: Krusty.
145
00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:19,148
Wait. Circus clowns hate Krusty?
146
00:07:19,216 --> 00:07:20,349
Don't you?
147
00:07:20,418 --> 00:07:23,020
In my way I've hated him all my life.
148
00:07:23,046 --> 00:07:25,454
Yeah, you get it, Soggy.
You're a good kid.
149
00:07:25,523 --> 00:07:28,290
Anyway, this is where you eat,
this is where you sleep,
150
00:07:28,359 --> 00:07:31,193
and this is where
you sweep up the elephant crap.
151
00:07:31,262 --> 00:07:34,430
So, all three in this cage.
152
00:07:34,498 --> 00:07:35,597
Efficient, right?
153
00:07:35,666 --> 00:07:37,399
Now meet the finest clowns
154
00:07:37,468 --> 00:07:40,369
from the greatest closed
circuses in the world.
155
00:07:40,438 --> 00:07:42,204
Skitters, Bumpo, Wiggles,
156
00:07:42,273 --> 00:07:44,440
Clabby, Dr. Pickles, Mr. Bindle,
157
00:07:44,508 --> 00:07:46,475
Barrels, Drooly, Trembles,
158
00:07:46,544 --> 00:07:47,576
Blitzy, Handsy,
159
00:07:47,645 --> 00:07:49,311
Boobsy, Mr. Boobsy,
160
00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:51,447
Baby Boobsy, the Boobsy Twins,
161
00:07:51,515 --> 00:07:53,348
Ding-a-ling, Bing-bong, Ring-a-ling,
162
00:07:53,417 --> 00:07:55,350
Flip-Flop, Fiddle-Faddle, Flap-Jack,
163
00:07:55,453 --> 00:07:56,385
and Scene Blow.
164
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:57,419
Nice to meet...
165
00:08:00,224 --> 00:08:01,356
Yeah.
166
00:08:03,561 --> 00:08:06,462
It's him. It's really him.
167
00:08:06,597 --> 00:08:09,431
A regular dork and a girl one.
168
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:12,468
It is an honor to meet the man
whose recaps were so devastating
169
00:08:12,536 --> 00:08:15,437
that the star of the
show tried to kill him.
170
00:08:15,506 --> 00:08:18,107
The secret is, say what happened.
171
00:08:18,175 --> 00:08:20,375
Oh, it's like
we're talking to Hemingway.
172
00:08:20,444 --> 00:08:22,511
Or Shep Goldfein from TV Zorp.
173
00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:25,280
How would you like to come recap for us
174
00:08:25,349 --> 00:08:27,349
full-time at Culture Smash?
175
00:08:27,418 --> 00:08:29,551
You'll pay me to watch TV?
176
00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:33,355
God bless you,
content-addicted clickbaiters.
177
00:08:33,424 --> 00:08:35,290
We'll start you on 30 shows.
178
00:08:35,359 --> 00:08:37,126
This month?
179
00:08:37,194 --> 00:08:38,327
Uh, no, tonight.
180
00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:41,130
Welcome to Peak TV.
181
00:08:42,199 --> 00:08:44,266
This Is Us.
182
00:08:44,335 --> 00:08:46,368
This is me.
183
00:08:46,437 --> 00:08:47,536
C-plus.
184
00:08:54,411 --> 00:08:56,178
Hey there, Soggy.
185
00:08:56,247 --> 00:08:57,579
You excited for your first show?
186
00:08:57,681 --> 00:08:59,515
Nervous? I'm not nervous.
187
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:01,316
Get this kid. "Nervous."
188
00:09:01,385 --> 00:09:03,051
Nervous.
189
00:09:03,154 --> 00:09:05,120
Well, you sure are saying
"nervous" a lot.
190
00:09:05,189 --> 00:09:06,455
Shut up, you nervous little punk.
191
00:09:06,557 --> 00:09:08,490
I'm the king of 4:00 p.m. TV.
192
00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:11,226
I can clown the pants off these losers.
193
00:09:18,569 --> 00:09:20,569
Whoa, what is that?
194
00:09:20,638 --> 00:09:23,372
That's what the clowns here
drink before the tent opens.
195
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,208
- It's called Hippo Juice.
- Do you even know what's in it?
196
00:09:26,277 --> 00:09:27,543
I need my Hippo Juice!
197
00:10:07,218 --> 00:10:09,251
Okay, Walking Dead.
198
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,520
Too much walking,
not enough dead. C-plus.
199
00:10:11,622 --> 00:10:15,123
Game of Thrones.
Who is everybody? A-plus.
200
00:10:15,259 --> 00:10:18,594
Stranger Things.
Spielberg's back. C-minus.
201
00:10:18,696 --> 00:10:21,530
Homie, you're watching so many shows.
202
00:10:21,665 --> 00:10:23,398
Why don't you take a break?
203
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,501
We can open the third drawer
of the nightstand.
204
00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:28,303
The anniversary drawer.
205
00:10:31,575 --> 00:10:33,408
Mmm. Mmm.
206
00:10:33,544 --> 00:10:35,577
Making out on the bed...
a familiar formula,
207
00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:37,446
but still delivers the goods.
208
00:10:37,514 --> 00:10:39,514
Mmm. Ooh, a butt-squeeze.
209
00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:42,384
Motivated by character
and moves the story forward.
210
00:10:42,453 --> 00:10:44,319
Mmm. Could an ear nibble be the thing
211
00:10:44,388 --> 00:10:46,455
to reinvigorate this tired franchise?
212
00:10:46,523 --> 00:10:49,291
Wait. Are-are you recapping our snuggle?
213
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,493
No, no, just pillow talk, baby.
214
00:10:51,562 --> 00:10:53,428
If you say so.
215
00:10:53,497 --> 00:10:54,596
Savvy viewers will notice
216
00:10:54,665 --> 00:10:56,565
the husband hasn't brushed his teeth.
217
00:10:56,634 --> 00:10:58,333
That is it.
218
00:10:58,402 --> 00:11:02,137
You're watching so many TV shows
for your recapping job,
219
00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:03,538
it's ruining our life.
220
00:11:03,641 --> 00:11:06,241
And don't you dare give me
a letter grade.
221
00:11:06,343 --> 00:11:09,578
Okay, I'll just let this be... minus.
222
00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:12,447
It's either me or the job.
223
00:11:12,549 --> 00:11:16,585
Hmm. Marge creates what feels
like false jeopardy.
224
00:11:16,654 --> 00:11:19,488
No, the moment is well earned.
225
00:11:21,292 --> 00:11:24,159
Oh, they just got rid
of their best character.
226
00:11:25,629 --> 00:11:28,530
Soggy, a word of advice: you suck.
227
00:11:28,599 --> 00:11:30,465
Turn in your Hippo Juice bucket,
228
00:11:30,534 --> 00:11:32,534
your hippo crystals,
and your hippo pipe.
229
00:11:32,603 --> 00:11:34,269
You're fired.
230
00:11:35,572 --> 00:11:38,540
Oh, come on, Tootso. You don't
really mean that, do you?
231
00:11:38,609 --> 00:11:40,409
Oh, it's true.
232
00:11:40,511 --> 00:11:43,578
I'm a terrible clown.
233
00:11:43,647 --> 00:11:45,280
Cheer up, Krusty.
234
00:11:45,349 --> 00:11:48,250
There's got to be another circus
out there, a worse one.
235
00:11:48,385 --> 00:11:50,352
Nah. I'm not a TV clown.
236
00:11:50,421 --> 00:11:51,620
I'm not a circus clown.
237
00:11:51,722 --> 00:11:54,323
I'm nothing.
238
00:11:54,391 --> 00:11:56,625
Soggy, the high wire bear got sick
239
00:11:56,694 --> 00:11:58,560
after eating the Guess-Your-Weight Guy,
240
00:11:58,629 --> 00:12:00,462
so we need somebody to do his act.
241
00:12:00,531 --> 00:12:02,164
And none of the other clowns will do it
242
00:12:02,232 --> 00:12:03,365
because there's no net.
243
00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:05,167
So, well, we thought of you.
244
00:12:05,235 --> 00:12:07,569
You mean a last chance to redeem myself?
245
00:12:07,638 --> 00:12:09,604
No. No, no. If you live,
you're still fired.
246
00:12:09,673 --> 00:12:11,340
Oh, who cares?
247
00:12:11,408 --> 00:12:12,641
I'm in.
248
00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:14,509
♪ I don't care ♪
249
00:12:14,578 --> 00:12:16,144
♪ If I live or die ♪
250
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:19,147
♪ Wait, I do, I want to die ♪
251
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,415
♪ Who will claim my body? ♪
252
00:12:20,484 --> 00:12:22,150
♪ Maybe the monkey ♪
253
00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:23,185
♪ Do-do-do-do-do. ♪
254
00:12:23,253 --> 00:12:24,486
Whoa!
255
00:12:24,588 --> 00:12:26,288
Oh. Whoa!
256
00:12:28,258 --> 00:12:29,424
Ow!
257
00:12:29,493 --> 00:12:31,259
Oh!
258
00:12:31,328 --> 00:12:32,227
Whoa!
259
00:12:34,365 --> 00:12:36,365
Ow.
260
00:12:43,574 --> 00:12:45,173
Ta-da.
261
00:12:46,410 --> 00:12:47,576
They're applauding.
262
00:12:47,678 --> 00:12:49,277
And there's no applause sign.
263
00:12:49,346 --> 00:12:51,179
I didn't know that was possible.
264
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:54,349
Circus cheers are the greatest
cheers in the world!
265
00:12:54,418 --> 00:12:57,185
There he is, there's our new star.
266
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,154
That was the most daring act
I've ever seen.
267
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:02,324
And I saw a circus do a Beatles
tribute without permission.
268
00:13:02,393 --> 00:13:05,127
I think I'm falling for you, Soggy.
269
00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:07,162
I don't think you're really my type.
270
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,401
Mmm, you.
271
00:13:16,507 --> 00:13:19,241
My whole life up till now was nothing.
272
00:13:19,309 --> 00:13:22,377
From this day forward, I am Soggy,
273
00:13:22,446 --> 00:13:24,446
Soggy the Clown!
274
00:13:47,277 --> 00:13:48,976
I'm flattered, Tootso,
275
00:13:49,012 --> 00:13:51,714
but I'm already seeing someone.
276
00:13:51,739 --> 00:13:54,227
I'll meet you behind
the seal tank in half an hour.
277
00:13:55,528 --> 00:13:58,095
Good news. Your agent just called.
278
00:13:58,164 --> 00:14:00,231
A Japanese game show needs
an American celebrity
279
00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:03,134
to pop out of toilets
to scare couples on dates.
280
00:14:03,169 --> 00:14:05,036
The cops will never find you.
281
00:14:05,104 --> 00:14:07,071
Two weeks ago,
I would've jumped at that.
282
00:14:07,106 --> 00:14:09,307
But I'm a circus clown now.
283
00:14:09,342 --> 00:14:11,375
But you're a big-time TV star.
284
00:14:11,411 --> 00:14:13,344
Ain't the circus worse by far?
285
00:14:13,379 --> 00:14:16,113
Oh, I used to love celebrity,
286
00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:18,416
but I've got big top clarity.
287
00:14:18,451 --> 00:14:20,418
Because...
288
00:14:24,117 --> 00:14:26,123
♪ Circus clowning ♪
289
00:14:26,159 --> 00:14:28,125
♪ Is the life for me ♪
290
00:14:28,161 --> 00:14:31,062
♪ Gonna flip the bird
to lousy kids' TV ♪
291
00:14:31,097 --> 00:14:34,298
♪ Circus folk have real camaraderie ♪
292
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:37,168
♪ I can't be fired 'cause
they don't test my pee ♪
293
00:14:37,203 --> 00:14:40,471
♪ He'd be positive for every sedative ♪
294
00:14:40,506 --> 00:14:44,208
♪ Circus laughter,
there's no greater high ♪
295
00:14:44,277 --> 00:14:47,078
♪ Crowd is fired up 'cause
they might see you die ♪
296
00:14:47,113 --> 00:14:48,312
♪ If he breaks his neck ♪
297
00:14:48,348 --> 00:14:50,247
♪ What a thrill they'll get ♪
298
00:14:50,316 --> 00:14:53,384
♪ All my problems have
been solved for free ♪
299
00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:57,021
♪ Talking to the bear
sure beats therapy ♪
300
00:14:57,056 --> 00:15:00,191
♪ A hug can beat fear of women's feet ♪
301
00:15:00,259 --> 00:15:03,094
♪ Can I join the circus
if I'm only ten? ♪
302
00:15:03,129 --> 00:15:06,247
♪ Here's a fake I.D.,
now your name is Ben ♪
303
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,233
♪ Ain't no mom to keep
me safe and sound ♪
304
00:15:09,268 --> 00:15:11,102
♪ I get to juggle swords ♪
305
00:15:11,137 --> 00:15:13,004
♪ Eat corn dogs off the ground ♪
306
00:15:13,072 --> 00:15:16,207
♪ So, good riddance to TV ♪
307
00:15:16,275 --> 00:15:19,010
♪ I feel alive instead
of live-plus-three ♪
308
00:15:19,045 --> 00:15:21,012
♪ Because circus clowning ♪
309
00:15:21,047 --> 00:15:24,181
♪ Is the life for me. ♪
310
00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:28,319
Bad news:
311
00:15:28,354 --> 00:15:30,087
we're shutting down the circus.
312
00:15:30,123 --> 00:15:31,455
Shutting it down? But why?
313
00:15:31,491 --> 00:15:34,358
- A terrible video got out.
- Which one?
314
00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:37,128
The video we sell here at the circus.
315
00:15:37,163 --> 00:15:40,131
If they close this place down,
what do I run away to?
316
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:41,165
College?
317
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,466
It's all over.
318
00:15:42,502 --> 00:15:45,069
I'm losing the only happiness
I didn't have to chug,
319
00:15:45,138 --> 00:15:47,438
snort, shoot, bet on, or get enlarged.
320
00:15:47,473 --> 00:15:50,341
For the first time, I was a real clown.
321
00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:53,244
And now I've lost that.
322
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,114
To save my marriage,
effective immediately,
323
00:15:57,150 --> 00:15:59,016
I'm resigning as recapper.
324
00:15:59,052 --> 00:16:00,451
My apologies to Culture Smash
325
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,087
and the entire Garbage Blast
media family.
326
00:16:04,390 --> 00:16:05,990
Mm.
327
00:16:09,362 --> 00:16:11,228
- Get in.
- Okay.
328
00:16:15,468 --> 00:16:19,136
Homer, I'm the CEO of a major
media conglomerate.
329
00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:20,404
We can't have you quit.
330
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,074
You're one of America's top recappers.
331
00:16:23,109 --> 00:16:26,077
I had to quit; recapping
was ruining my marriage.
332
00:16:26,112 --> 00:16:28,245
There were so many shows,
I couldn't keep up.
333
00:16:28,314 --> 00:16:32,049
It's true. Currently there are
over 500 scripted shows
334
00:16:32,085 --> 00:16:34,151
on network, cable, and streaming.
335
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,320
Why are you making so many shows?
336
00:16:36,355 --> 00:16:39,123
No one could watch
more than 300 of them.
337
00:16:39,158 --> 00:16:40,991
Oh, we don't care if people watch.
338
00:16:41,027 --> 00:16:42,426
We just care if they subscribe
339
00:16:42,495 --> 00:16:45,429
for $13 a month.
340
00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:47,465
You see, if people subscribe
but don't watch,
341
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,167
then we don't actually
have to make the shows.
342
00:16:50,236 --> 00:16:53,037
We just need viewers to believe
they can watch them.
343
00:16:53,072 --> 00:16:54,271
Fake shows?
344
00:16:54,307 --> 00:16:56,006
But what if people try to see them?
345
00:16:56,042 --> 00:16:58,209
They won't, because recappers like you
346
00:16:58,277 --> 00:17:00,211
will give those shows a B-minus.
347
00:17:00,246 --> 00:17:03,013
No one ever watches a B-minus.
348
00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:04,949
But, but that's crazy.
349
00:17:04,984 --> 00:17:06,217
It could never work.
350
00:17:06,252 --> 00:17:07,384
It already has.
351
00:17:07,453 --> 00:17:10,187
Are you familiar with the USA Network?
352
00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:14,158
Sure. Royal Pains, Suits, White Collar.
353
00:17:14,193 --> 00:17:17,128
Have you ever seen any of those shows?
354
00:17:17,196 --> 00:17:19,396
No, but somebody must have...
355
00:17:19,432 --> 00:17:21,132
Surely somebody...
356
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,267
There is no USA Network.
357
00:17:23,302 --> 00:17:25,269
There hasn't been for 20 years.
358
00:17:25,338 --> 00:17:27,304
It's just bus ads!
359
00:17:27,340 --> 00:17:29,073
Oh, my God.
360
00:17:29,108 --> 00:17:31,976
Peak TV is a lie.
361
00:17:32,011 --> 00:17:33,377
Your plan is insane.
362
00:17:33,412 --> 00:17:35,045
Perhaps.
363
00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:37,014
But not as insane as making...
364
00:17:37,049 --> 00:17:41,018
that... many... shows.
365
00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:43,320
I never had faith in God or family,
366
00:17:43,356 --> 00:17:46,123
but I had faith in television.
367
00:17:46,159 --> 00:17:48,392
And I won't let you do this to Him.
368
00:17:48,427 --> 00:17:53,197
I have everything you said
recapped right here.
369
00:17:53,232 --> 00:17:54,999
And I'm gonna tell the whole world
370
00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,168
every detail of your terrible plan.
371
00:17:59,172 --> 00:18:01,138
Hey, there's half a birthday
cake in the break room.
372
00:18:01,174 --> 00:18:02,306
Mind if I...?
373
00:18:02,375 --> 00:18:04,241
All right, I get it, I get it.
374
00:18:13,319 --> 00:18:15,953
No, no, you can't close the circus.
375
00:18:16,022 --> 00:18:18,022
There's got to be a way
to keep this place running.
376
00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:20,224
If we only had 50 grand,
we could start over
377
00:18:20,259 --> 00:18:22,126
with a new name and a new act.
378
00:18:22,195 --> 00:18:24,328
Yeah. We can get the Flying Branzinos.
379
00:18:24,363 --> 00:18:27,364
Nobody pickpockets a crowd
like those guys.
380
00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:31,268
But we don't have the 50 grand.
381
00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:34,371
The circus is done.
382
00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,108
No, no, listen.
383
00:18:38,144 --> 00:18:40,377
I can get you your money.
384
00:18:40,446 --> 00:18:42,980
With this.
385
00:18:43,015 --> 00:18:44,348
You're gonna teach us to read?
386
00:18:44,383 --> 00:18:47,017
No. I'm Krusty.
387
00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:53,023
Hey-hey.
388
00:19:17,283 --> 00:19:19,950
On the count of attempted murder
of Homer Simpson,
389
00:19:20,019 --> 00:19:22,219
the jury finds Herschel Krustofsky...
390
00:19:22,288 --> 00:19:23,941
not guilty?
391
00:19:25,091 --> 00:19:27,057
It was self-defense, Your Honor.
392
00:19:27,126 --> 00:19:31,095
That recapper gave Krusty's show
bad grades.
393
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,297
It was justifiable Homer-cide.
394
00:19:33,332 --> 00:19:36,133
He gave Outlander a B-minus.
395
00:19:36,168 --> 00:19:39,303
That show knows what it wants
to be. Come on.
396
00:19:39,372 --> 00:19:43,207
Ooh, I've heard that gets really
good about eight episodes in.
397
00:19:43,276 --> 00:19:45,075
Krusty, you're free to go.
398
00:19:45,111 --> 00:19:47,044
Mmm.
399
00:19:49,549 --> 00:19:52,983
Is there room on that train
for one more clown?
400
00:19:53,019 --> 00:19:54,451
Well, he did save the circus.
401
00:19:54,487 --> 00:19:56,153
What do you say, Scuzzo?
402
00:19:56,188 --> 00:19:59,156
Please, I'm not Krusty anymore.
403
00:19:59,225 --> 00:20:01,292
I'm a circus clown.
404
00:20:01,327 --> 00:20:04,395
I'm Soggy.
405
00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:07,031
You're a, you're a TV clown.
406
00:20:07,066 --> 00:20:10,301
The greatest TV clown I've
ever had the honor to know.
407
00:20:10,336 --> 00:20:12,069
But you're a traitor to our kind.
408
00:20:25,251 --> 00:20:27,084
Goodbye, circus.
409
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:28,319
Goodbye.
410
00:20:35,227 --> 00:20:38,195
Another terrible show.
411
00:20:38,264 --> 00:20:41,131
Thanks a lot, Chris Pine.
412
00:20:42,368 --> 00:20:44,335
And now the bad recap.
413
00:20:44,403 --> 00:20:47,504
They always find some new chump
to tear me down.
414
00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:49,440
"A"? I got an "A"?
415
00:20:49,508 --> 00:20:51,763
Everything I've ever done
has been great!
416
00:20:51,808 --> 00:20:54,090
I'll never be sad again.
417
00:20:55,514 --> 00:20:57,314
"A" is for Ralph.
418
00:20:59,085 --> 00:21:05,181
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
419
00:21:08,987 --> 00:21:10,469
Dad, Look!
420
00:21:10,494 --> 00:21:12,666
They posted our story this morning.
421
00:21:12,691 --> 00:21:14,485
Hmm.
422
00:21:14,519 --> 00:21:17,420
Together we've exposed the truth.
423
00:21:17,489 --> 00:21:20,189
It'll be the one legitimate
piece of journalism
424
00:21:20,325 --> 00:21:21,524
on the whole site.
425
00:21:21,626 --> 00:21:24,494
What's with this boring Peak TV article?
426
00:21:24,562 --> 00:21:27,820
My patience is growing shorter
than Rachel Maddow's crew cut.
427
00:21:27,845 --> 00:21:29,365
How many times do I have to tell you:
428
00:21:29,467 --> 00:21:31,167
no bait, no clicks.
429
00:21:31,192 --> 00:21:32,545
Hey, you, yeah, gummy bear,
430
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:34,861
put up a slideshow
that'll get me some eyeballs.
431
00:21:34,886 --> 00:21:36,372
Eyeballs!
432
00:21:44,282 --> 00:21:46,215
Ooh.
30743
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
