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Back in the '80s, game shows ruled the TV.
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00:00:02,615 --> 00:00:04,318
There was "Pyramid," "Wheel of Fortune,".
3
00:00:04,499 --> 00:00:06,177
"Jeopardy!", and "The Newlywed Game."
4
00:00:06,279 --> 00:00:08,946
But to us kids, none came
close to "Double Dare."
5
00:00:08,982 --> 00:00:10,448
It was the world's best game show,
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00:00:10,483 --> 00:00:12,583
filled with trivia, physical challenges,
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00:00:12,619 --> 00:00:14,118
and host Marc Summers,
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00:00:14,154 --> 00:00:17,755
who managed to smile even
when his nice suits got messy.
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00:00:17,791 --> 00:00:18,856
Idiots!
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00:00:18,892 --> 00:00:20,892
The flag is under the giant pad of butter!
11
00:00:20,927 --> 00:00:22,160
Always look under the butter.
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00:00:22,195 --> 00:00:23,394
If we ever get on this show,
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00:00:23,430 --> 00:00:24,829
imagine all the prizes we'd win.
14
00:00:24,864 --> 00:00:27,498
We'd be strutting around in
our brand-new British knights,
15
00:00:27,534 --> 00:00:29,867
jammin' out to our Panasonic
portable sound system,
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00:00:29,903 --> 00:00:32,904
as we chow down on a year's
supply of Chef Boyardee.
17
00:00:32,939 --> 00:00:35,139
It's all our dreams wrapped into one.
18
00:00:35,175 --> 00:00:37,375
But the coolest part...
It was filmed in Philly,
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00:00:37,410 --> 00:00:38,743
which meant one thing.
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00:00:38,778 --> 00:00:40,678
All right. Shut your giggle holes.
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00:00:40,713 --> 00:00:42,146
I have two announcements.
22
00:00:42,182 --> 00:00:45,917
First, whoever wrote my phone
number in the boys' bathroom
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00:00:45,952 --> 00:00:47,251
will be found.
24
00:00:47,287 --> 00:00:50,188
I called and asked if his
refrigerator was running.
25
00:00:50,223 --> 00:00:52,256
It wasn't, so it ended up being sad.
26
00:00:52,292 --> 00:00:54,926
Second, some game show called "Double Dare"
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00:00:54,961 --> 00:00:56,961
is holding auditions at our school,
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00:00:56,996 --> 00:00:59,430
and two of you will be
picked to be on their show.
29
00:00:59,466 --> 00:01:01,365
Now let's get those bodies TV-ready.
30
00:01:03,236 --> 00:01:05,603
Dude, this is seriously
the best day of my life,
31
00:01:05,638 --> 00:01:07,305
and I once got mistaken
for Mary Lou Retton.
32
00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:08,372
Dorothy Hamill.
33
00:01:08,408 --> 00:01:10,007
We're actually gonna be on "Double Dare."
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00:01:10,043 --> 00:01:12,376
You two so have this in the bag.
35
00:01:14,414 --> 00:01:15,480
Bro, you don't have a prayer.
36
00:01:15,515 --> 00:01:18,349
Shut up, Dave Kim. This
face was made for TV.
37
00:01:18,384 --> 00:01:20,384
But that voice... youch.
38
00:01:20,420 --> 00:01:23,354
You two can't compete with Handsome Ben.
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00:01:23,389 --> 00:01:24,355
He was right.
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00:01:24,390 --> 00:01:25,523
We all had one growing up...
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00:01:25,558 --> 00:01:27,325
The vicious rival who always won.
42
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,191
Who always beats you
out for class president?
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00:01:29,216 --> 00:01:29,985
Handsome Ben.
44
00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:31,727
And who always gets
the lead in the musical?
45
00:01:31,752 --> 00:01:32,463
Handsome Ben.
46
00:01:32,499 --> 00:01:34,571
Who was first in line
to see "Temple of Doom"?
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00:01:34,596 --> 00:01:35,800
Handsome Ben.
48
00:01:35,835 --> 00:01:38,069
You had to sit in the second row,
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00:01:38,104 --> 00:01:39,303
like a chump.
50
00:01:39,339 --> 00:01:41,806
Fine! You're right! He wins every time.
51
00:01:41,841 --> 00:01:43,374
But this will be different.
52
00:01:43,409 --> 00:01:44,408
Will it?
53
00:01:44,444 --> 00:01:45,576
Look at him.
54
00:01:45,612 --> 00:01:47,245
Hey, A.G. Hey, Dave Kim.
55
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,647
- Hi, Ben.
- Hey, buddy.
56
00:01:50,450 --> 00:01:51,816
You're right. He's amazing.
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00:01:51,851 --> 00:01:53,684
My only real shot is to
win over the producers
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00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:55,987
by picking a partner
that'll make me stand out.
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00:01:56,022 --> 00:01:57,588
Perhaps someone like...
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00:01:57,624 --> 00:01:58,656
"Cute Dave Kim."
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00:01:58,691 --> 00:01:59,957
No one calls you that.
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00:01:59,993 --> 00:02:01,259
I was thinking Pops.
63
00:02:01,294 --> 00:02:02,493
Your grandfather?
64
00:02:02,529 --> 00:02:05,229
Nothing wins people over
more than an adorable old man.
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00:02:05,999 --> 00:02:07,765
Handsome Ben is going down.
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00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,166
Kid won't know what hit him.
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com.
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It was fall 1980-something,
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00:02:26,286 --> 00:02:27,785
and Barry and my dad were sitting down
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to what they did every Sunday...
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00:02:29,789 --> 00:02:31,455
- Watch The Eagles...
- Go, baby, go, baby, go!
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00:02:31,491 --> 00:02:33,524
- ... for better or worse.
- Fumble?! No!
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00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:34,926
That's it. Season's over.
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00:02:34,961 --> 00:02:36,894
- It's the first game year.
- They already blew it.
75
00:02:36,930 --> 00:02:37,929
We got to fire the coach
76
00:02:37,964 --> 00:02:39,630
and start thinking about next year.
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00:02:39,666 --> 00:02:42,233
Whenever they'd watch, my
dad would turn on the team,
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00:02:42,268 --> 00:02:44,168
while my brother was hopelessly positive.
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00:02:44,203 --> 00:02:46,671
Look, all we need is a
turnover, a touchdown,
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00:02:46,706 --> 00:02:48,072
a 2-point conversion, an onside kick,
81
00:02:48,107 --> 00:02:49,040
and two more touchdowns.
82
00:02:49,075 --> 00:02:51,008
Or 12 safeties.
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00:02:51,044 --> 00:02:53,377
Turn it off! I can't take it anymore.
84
00:02:53,413 --> 00:02:56,314
And they each handled an Eagles
loss in their own special way.
85
00:02:56,349 --> 00:02:58,549
Hey, buddy. Got you a new burger flipper.
86
00:02:58,585 --> 00:03:01,519
I noticed your old spatula
was a little worse for wear.
87
00:03:01,554 --> 00:03:04,055
Look at you. Always so damn nice, huh?
88
00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:05,089
Well, I'm sick of it.
89
00:03:05,124 --> 00:03:07,058
Lashing out because The Eagles lost?
90
00:03:07,093 --> 00:03:08,292
And I'm sick of your face.
91
00:03:08,328 --> 00:03:09,827
I'll just leave this and go.
92
00:03:09,862 --> 00:03:12,296
I will kill you with this spatula,
93
00:03:12,332 --> 00:03:14,565
you thoughtful, thoughtful man!
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00:03:14,601 --> 00:03:16,634
As for my brother, an Eagles loss meant
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00:03:16,669 --> 00:03:18,970
several heartbroken
days of utter depression.
96
00:03:19,005 --> 00:03:21,739
Hey. Hugh Hefner. Cover
your downstairs stuff.
97
00:03:21,774 --> 00:03:23,107
You're in school, not the grotto.
98
00:03:23,142 --> 00:03:24,241
The Eagles lost.
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00:03:24,277 --> 00:03:25,276
Ohhh.
100
00:03:25,345 --> 00:03:27,078
Take the day.
101
00:03:27,113 --> 00:03:29,914
Make room, everybody!
Eagles fan coming through!
102
00:03:29,949 --> 00:03:32,116
Thankfully, a new week meant a new chance
103
00:03:32,151 --> 00:03:34,118
for my dad and bro to
help The Eagles win...
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00:03:34,153 --> 00:03:36,520
Through a series of crazy superstitions.
105
00:03:36,556 --> 00:03:37,655
Let's get this going.
106
00:03:37,690 --> 00:03:39,290
I got on my good-luck
jersey and underpants.
107
00:03:39,325 --> 00:03:41,525
Now time for some pregame cabbage patching
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00:03:41,561 --> 00:03:42,994
to supercharge our good luck.
109
00:03:43,029 --> 00:03:44,328
Even if the superstitions
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00:03:44,364 --> 00:03:45,997
breached the boundary of common sense.
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00:03:46,032 --> 00:03:47,698
Do it better! The Eagles need us!
112
00:03:47,734 --> 00:03:49,467
Or any sense at all.
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00:03:49,502 --> 00:03:51,369
Who wants some double-cheesy nachos?
114
00:03:51,404 --> 00:03:52,269
Stop where you're at!
115
00:03:52,305 --> 00:03:53,671
Mom, you know the rules!
116
00:03:53,706 --> 00:03:55,940
Once you step foot on the den
floor, The Eagles will lose.
117
00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:59,143
What happens in this house
has no impact on the game.
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00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:00,611
That is adorable.
119
00:04:00,647 --> 00:04:02,013
I am not bad luck.
120
00:04:02,048 --> 00:04:03,781
Would you just stop with this already?
121
00:04:03,816 --> 00:04:06,317
What happened the first
Sunday after we got married,
122
00:04:06,352 --> 00:04:08,653
when you insisted on
watching the game with me?
123
00:04:08,721 --> 00:04:10,988
They lost by six stupid touchdowns.
124
00:04:11,024 --> 00:04:12,523
Just come and get your nachos.
125
00:04:12,558 --> 00:04:13,758
Mom, you know the rules.
126
00:04:13,793 --> 00:04:16,160
Once the game starts, we
can't move from our spot.
127
00:04:16,195 --> 00:04:17,728
Now truck it over on the animal.
128
00:04:17,764 --> 00:04:20,564
This '80s toy monster truck
was their typical lifeline,
129
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,401
mostly due to its retractable
claws for stability.
130
00:04:24,237 --> 00:04:26,170
The claws did nothing!
131
00:04:26,205 --> 00:04:27,338
Stay back! Don't clean it up!
132
00:04:27,373 --> 00:04:29,407
There's hot cheese on my rug!
133
00:04:29,442 --> 00:04:30,641
That's its home now!
134
00:04:30,677 --> 00:04:32,009
She jinxed us!
135
00:04:32,045 --> 00:04:33,277
Do your idiot dance!
136
00:04:36,949 --> 00:04:39,517
Pops, I have amazing news!
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00:04:39,552 --> 00:04:41,419
You're gonna be my
partner on "Double Dare"!
138
00:04:41,454 --> 00:04:43,621
That's the best news I've heard all day.
139
00:04:43,656 --> 00:04:45,589
Also, what's "Double Dare"?
140
00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:48,025
Only the country's hottest game show.
141
00:04:48,061 --> 00:04:49,326
You love game shows, right?
142
00:04:49,362 --> 00:04:50,461
You bet.
143
00:04:50,496 --> 00:04:52,830
That Vanna White sure can turn a letter.
144
00:04:52,865 --> 00:04:53,931
Ha ha!
145
00:04:53,966 --> 00:04:56,333
Don't say any of that at our audition.
146
00:04:56,369 --> 00:04:58,436
In fact, leave all the talking to me.
147
00:04:58,471 --> 00:04:59,804
You sure you don't want to do this
148
00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:01,205
with one of your little friends?
149
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,040
Nah. She'll understand.
150
00:05:03,810 --> 00:05:05,443
Ow! You punched me in the heart!
151
00:05:05,478 --> 00:05:08,045
You're picking your
grandfather over me? Seriously?
152
00:05:08,081 --> 00:05:10,614
You know it's been my dream
to go on "Double Dare."
153
00:05:10,650 --> 00:05:12,750
It's selfish of you not to support that.
154
00:05:12,785 --> 00:05:14,185
How am I the weak link?
155
00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:16,120
You got flat feet and a lazy eye.
156
00:05:16,155 --> 00:05:18,823
That "Double Dare" human-hamster
wheel will eat you alive.
157
00:05:18,858 --> 00:05:19,824
I had no choice.
158
00:05:19,859 --> 00:05:21,025
This is the only way
159
00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:23,294
I can beat my lifelong rival, Handsome Ben.
160
00:05:23,329 --> 00:05:25,996
Dude, you're not his rival.
It's totally one-sided.
161
00:05:26,032 --> 00:05:27,565
Oh, yeah? Watch this.
162
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,866
Hey, Ben.
163
00:05:28,901 --> 00:05:29,967
'Sup, Adam?
164
00:05:30,002 --> 00:05:31,402
Good luck at the "Double Dare" tryouts.
165
00:05:31,437 --> 00:05:32,369
I hope you get it.
166
00:05:34,574 --> 00:05:36,440
Stupid, generous Handsome Ben.
167
00:05:36,476 --> 00:05:37,808
Well, I don't need you.
168
00:05:37,844 --> 00:05:39,577
I'm gonna make it on the show and win,
169
00:05:39,612 --> 00:05:41,612
and I won't save any slime for you!
170
00:05:42,548 --> 00:05:44,448
Is that a new trapper keeper, Adam?
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00:05:44,484 --> 00:05:45,216
Sweet.
172
00:05:45,251 --> 00:05:46,751
Just got it. Thanks.
173
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,820
I will bury you.
174
00:05:49,856 --> 00:05:52,389
While I was plotting to
beat my lifelong rival,
175
00:05:52,425 --> 00:05:55,392
my mom had plotted a way into the den.
176
00:05:55,428 --> 00:05:56,827
What... what is this? What are you doing?
177
00:05:56,863 --> 00:05:58,429
Don't worry. I'm not touching the floor.
178
00:05:58,464 --> 00:06:00,831
I'm just gonna bust some
dust and be on my way.
179
00:06:02,435 --> 00:06:03,400
Poop!
180
00:06:03,436 --> 00:06:04,869
- Bevy, please! Come on!
- Dear lord, no!
181
00:06:04,937 --> 00:06:06,804
And then something crazy happened.
182
00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:07,638
Oh!
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00:06:07,673 --> 00:06:08,906
The Eagles intercepted
184
00:06:08,941 --> 00:06:10,674
the moment my mom stepped on the floor.
185
00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:11,842
And as soon as she left...
186
00:06:11,878 --> 00:06:13,677
Come on! Are you kidding?
187
00:06:13,713 --> 00:06:15,179
... The Eagles fumbled.
188
00:06:15,214 --> 00:06:16,781
Dude. Did you see that?
189
00:06:17,717 --> 00:06:19,917
When Mom was in here,
The Eagles kicked butt.
190
00:06:19,952 --> 00:06:21,619
The second she left,
The Eagles sucked butt.
191
00:06:21,654 --> 00:06:22,653
What are you saying?
192
00:06:22,688 --> 00:06:24,421
Do you think Mom's good luck?
193
00:06:24,457 --> 00:06:26,590
No. It's just a dumb coincidence.
194
00:06:26,626 --> 00:06:28,759
Only one way to find out.
195
00:06:28,795 --> 00:06:30,394
- Kee-ya!
- What the hell?!
196
00:06:30,429 --> 00:06:31,562
Shut up. Shut up.
197
00:06:31,597 --> 00:06:33,597
Mom! I think Dad spilled something!
198
00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:34,465
Hey, hey!
199
00:06:36,135 --> 00:06:37,701
It's okay. I've always got a rag.
200
00:06:37,737 --> 00:06:39,036
It's a mom secret.
201
00:06:39,071 --> 00:06:40,771
They sacked Bradshaw.
202
00:06:40,807 --> 00:06:42,173
Get it! Get it! Get it!
203
00:06:42,208 --> 00:06:43,207
... and they did.
204
00:06:43,242 --> 00:06:44,475
Good god, Mom did it!
205
00:06:44,510 --> 00:06:46,744
No! That was just another coincidence.
206
00:06:46,779 --> 00:06:48,879
You keep your mother
out of this. Understand?
207
00:06:48,915 --> 00:06:50,214
Understand what? I heard "mother."
208
00:06:50,249 --> 00:06:51,382
I'm the mother. Here I am.
209
00:06:51,417 --> 00:06:53,617
Dude, all these years, we've got it wrong.
210
00:06:53,653 --> 00:06:55,686
You're not a jinx.
211
00:06:55,721 --> 00:06:58,455
You're like a real, actual lucky charm.
212
00:06:58,491 --> 00:06:59,590
Thank you, schmoo.
213
00:06:59,625 --> 00:07:01,058
No. Stop.
214
00:07:01,093 --> 00:07:02,927
There's no such thing as actual luck.
215
00:07:02,962 --> 00:07:04,728
Then why are you wearing your
lucky Jersey and underpants?
216
00:07:04,764 --> 00:07:07,298
This helps The Eagles win, not your mother.
217
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:10,134
Looks like those greeny guys
are celebrating something.
218
00:07:10,169 --> 00:07:11,502
They scored!
219
00:07:11,537 --> 00:07:13,370
Mom stays... stays forever.
220
00:07:13,406 --> 00:07:16,173
Oh! Ha! This is gonna be fun!
221
00:07:16,209 --> 00:07:17,908
Go, greeny birds!
222
00:07:17,944 --> 00:07:19,009
No.
223
00:07:19,045 --> 00:07:21,245
We have a system when we watch football,
224
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,215
and the number-one rule of
that system is "no talking."
225
00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,550
Naturally, my mom respected the rules...
226
00:07:26,586 --> 00:07:28,352
Until the next week, when she didn't.
227
00:07:28,387 --> 00:07:31,155
Are the players married
to the cheerleaders?
228
00:07:31,190 --> 00:07:32,389
Do you think their families are mad
229
00:07:32,425 --> 00:07:33,624
'cause they work on Sundays?
230
00:07:33,659 --> 00:07:36,894
Ugh! Look at those grass
stains. Who washes those pants?!
231
00:07:36,929 --> 00:07:38,629
Aren't we all patriots?
232
00:07:38,664 --> 00:07:41,232
Oh ho! Look at that big, snuggly pileup.
233
00:07:41,267 --> 00:07:43,267
Why does the throwy guy
keep putting his hands
234
00:07:43,302 --> 00:07:44,335
in the other guy's butt?
235
00:07:44,370 --> 00:07:45,936
I have a better name for a team...
236
00:07:45,972 --> 00:07:47,238
The Yankee Doodles.
237
00:07:48,274 --> 00:07:51,275
You know what? Who wants bagel bites?
238
00:07:51,310 --> 00:07:52,877
'Cause I'm gonna put some in the oven.
239
00:07:52,912 --> 00:07:54,745
What do I set it at... 2,000?
240
00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:56,547
No! Murray, you know the rule.
241
00:07:56,582 --> 00:07:58,582
Don't touch any knobs in the kitchen.
242
00:07:58,618 --> 00:08:01,585
Hey! Come back fast.
We need you on defense.
243
00:08:01,621 --> 00:08:03,287
Isn't this great?
244
00:08:03,322 --> 00:08:04,321
Woman's got to go.
245
00:08:04,357 --> 00:08:06,156
What? No! She's part of the game ritual.
246
00:08:06,192 --> 00:08:07,224
There's no going back.
247
00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:09,226
A man needs time away from his wife,
248
00:08:09,262 --> 00:08:11,862
and for me, football is that time.
249
00:08:11,898 --> 00:08:13,898
So, what? You're just
gonna tell her to go away?
250
00:08:13,933 --> 00:08:15,299
You know Mom. It'll crush her.
251
00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:18,002
Don't worry. I'll be sensitive.
252
00:08:19,472 --> 00:08:20,738
Hey, honey.
253
00:08:20,773 --> 00:08:22,640
Would you put that down and get out?
254
00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:23,741
What?!
255
00:08:23,841 --> 00:08:25,441
Listen, it's not that I don't love
256
00:08:25,476 --> 00:08:26,942
spending every moment with you,
257
00:08:26,978 --> 00:08:29,144
but you don't understand football,
258
00:08:29,180 --> 00:08:30,479
and it's distracting.
259
00:08:30,514 --> 00:08:32,781
Well, that sounds like an excuse.
260
00:08:32,817 --> 00:08:35,784
Okay, imagine if I go
to your scrapbook club
261
00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:37,019
and every few seconds,
262
00:08:37,054 --> 00:08:38,854
I interrupt you with a question
263
00:08:38,889 --> 00:08:40,723
about what glitter I should use.
264
00:08:40,758 --> 00:08:42,658
Well, that would be ridiculous
265
00:08:42,693 --> 00:08:45,594
because there's opaque,
translucent, chunky,
266
00:08:45,629 --> 00:08:49,565
micro-fine, spray-on,
brush-on... squeeze-on...
267
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,599
Oh.
268
00:08:52,203 --> 00:08:53,769
I get it.
269
00:08:53,804 --> 00:08:54,770
I'll go.
270
00:08:54,805 --> 00:08:56,205
That means a lot, bevy.
271
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:59,174
And that's how you do marriage.
272
00:08:59,210 --> 00:09:00,909
And so my mom got the message.
273
00:09:01,946 --> 00:09:03,579
Teach me everything about football.
274
00:09:03,614 --> 00:09:05,080
You've come to the right place.
275
00:09:05,116 --> 00:09:06,682
It was just the wrong message.
276
00:09:08,372 --> 00:09:10,809
Let's start with the basics.
This is the quarterback.
277
00:09:10,896 --> 00:09:13,363
These are the linemen,
receivers, running back.
278
00:09:13,398 --> 00:09:14,497
Question...
279
00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:15,865
What do all those words mean?
280
00:09:15,901 --> 00:09:19,202
Simplifying, there's offense and defense.
281
00:09:19,237 --> 00:09:21,838
Question... are those
things I should already know?
282
00:09:21,873 --> 00:09:23,473
Simplifying...
283
00:09:23,508 --> 00:09:24,908
This is a football.
284
00:09:24,943 --> 00:09:26,009
Question...
285
00:09:26,044 --> 00:09:27,877
Is the plural of "football" "feetball"?
286
00:09:27,913 --> 00:09:29,212
Ohh! God!
287
00:09:29,247 --> 00:09:32,215
Why won't anyone answer me?
What are you people hiding?
288
00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:33,917
My god. I can't take this anymore.
289
00:09:33,952 --> 00:09:36,886
Look, there is only one
way to teach Mom anything...
290
00:09:36,922 --> 00:09:39,055
Put it in terms she understands.
291
00:09:39,091 --> 00:09:41,157
Okay, this is a football,
292
00:09:41,193 --> 00:09:43,626
but I want you to imagine
it's actually me as a baby.
293
00:09:43,662 --> 00:09:44,961
Aww!
294
00:09:44,996 --> 00:09:46,296
Ooh!
295
00:09:46,331 --> 00:09:49,099
Now, your job is to protect
that baby at all costs.
296
00:09:49,134 --> 00:09:50,500
Of course.
297
00:09:50,535 --> 00:09:51,668
Who are they?
298
00:09:51,703 --> 00:09:53,236
Hi, Erica! You called,
and I came right away.
299
00:09:53,271 --> 00:09:54,237
Isn't that nice of me?
300
00:09:54,272 --> 00:09:55,605
As you can see, they're the enemy.
301
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,173
We call them the defensive line.
302
00:09:57,209 --> 00:09:58,541
Their job is to stop you.
303
00:09:58,577 --> 00:10:01,544
Translation... they're a band
of evil college recruiters,
304
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:03,780
wanting to take your
precious little girl away
305
00:10:03,815 --> 00:10:07,016
to... an out-of-state university.
306
00:10:07,052 --> 00:10:09,119
But that's too far. How
will I see you every day?
307
00:10:09,154 --> 00:10:12,389
You've only got one choice...
get that baby back to our house.
308
00:10:12,424 --> 00:10:14,057
Or the end zone.
309
00:10:14,092 --> 00:10:15,825
Please move.
310
00:10:15,861 --> 00:10:17,460
- No way.
- Please move!
311
00:10:17,496 --> 00:10:19,262
- Oh, we're comin' for you.
- Gimme that baby!
312
00:10:19,297 --> 00:10:20,597
- Never!
- Hike!
313
00:10:20,632 --> 00:10:22,432
- Go! Go!
- Oh.
314
00:10:22,467 --> 00:10:24,901
Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go!
315
00:10:24,936 --> 00:10:25,902
Whoo!
316
00:10:27,072 --> 00:10:28,538
I made it home!
317
00:10:28,573 --> 00:10:29,706
I made it home.
318
00:10:29,741 --> 00:10:31,241
Or the end zone.
319
00:10:31,276 --> 00:10:33,476
Oh! I get it!
320
00:10:33,512 --> 00:10:34,811
Come on, guys. Where's the "D"?
321
00:10:34,846 --> 00:10:36,346
I just don't know where to touch her.
322
00:10:36,381 --> 00:10:37,647
Maybe I should just cover Erica.
323
00:10:37,682 --> 00:10:38,748
I hate you so much, Geoff.
324
00:10:38,784 --> 00:10:40,784
Shut it, okay? It's enough.
325
00:10:40,819 --> 00:10:42,385
While my mom was ready for game day,
326
00:10:42,421 --> 00:10:44,554
I was ready for my game-show debut.
327
00:10:44,589 --> 00:10:47,123
Hi, kids. I'm Zane, and this is Ellen.
328
00:10:47,159 --> 00:10:49,225
We've set up a practice course
329
00:10:49,261 --> 00:10:51,327
to simulate actual "Double Dare."
330
00:10:51,363 --> 00:10:52,629
Now pick a partner.
331
00:10:52,664 --> 00:10:55,165
That's right. Let's get messy!
332
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:58,001
Yep, I knew exactly how
to wow the producers.
333
00:10:58,036 --> 00:11:01,004
Three words... make an entrance.
334
00:11:01,039 --> 00:11:02,238
Sorry we're late.
335
00:11:02,274 --> 00:11:05,108
Me and my best friend got
held up on the public bus.
336
00:11:05,143 --> 00:11:07,510
No way. You can't pick a cute old man.
337
00:11:07,546 --> 00:11:08,678
That's not fair.
338
00:11:08,713 --> 00:11:10,680
Sorry, sister... not against the rules.
339
00:11:10,715 --> 00:11:11,648
I checked.
340
00:11:12,851 --> 00:11:15,852
What kind of a farkakte game show is this?
341
00:11:15,887 --> 00:11:17,387
I thought it was just trivia.
342
00:11:17,422 --> 00:11:20,089
Oh, it is... and some physical challenges.
343
00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:22,392
It looks slimy and unsafe.
344
00:11:22,427 --> 00:11:24,727
You're Pops! You can do anything!
345
00:11:24,763 --> 00:11:26,563
What the [Bleep] is that thing?
346
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:28,465
You play tennis and date twins
347
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,667
and drink Martinis when the sun's out.
348
00:11:30,735 --> 00:11:33,570
Yes, I do sample from
the salad bar of life.
349
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:35,472
Then let's show 'em what we're made of.
350
00:11:35,507 --> 00:11:37,507
Go, go, go! You got it.
351
00:11:37,542 --> 00:11:39,542
I can't find the damn flag.
352
00:11:39,578 --> 00:11:40,643
Look under the pad of butter!
353
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:42,612
They always hide it
under the pad of butter!
354
00:11:42,647 --> 00:11:44,647
Aw, there's no flag here!
355
00:11:46,885 --> 00:11:49,252
This is my good tracksuit!
356
00:11:51,456 --> 00:11:52,889
Why am I here?
357
00:11:52,924 --> 00:11:55,325
Oh, no, no!
358
00:11:56,461 --> 00:11:58,495
This is not a game show!
359
00:11:58,530 --> 00:11:59,963
Faster!
360
00:11:59,998 --> 00:12:01,297
Po...
361
00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:04,033
I'm not a hamster! I'm a human man!
362
00:12:04,069 --> 00:12:06,870
That... Did not go well.
363
00:12:06,905 --> 00:12:08,304
No, it did not.
364
00:12:08,340 --> 00:12:10,306
I'm sorry I let you down, kiddo.
365
00:12:10,342 --> 00:12:12,909
I'm gonna dig my watch out
of the butter and leave.
366
00:12:12,944 --> 00:12:15,512
Well, how'd it go with
your adorable best friend?
367
00:12:15,547 --> 00:12:16,946
Great. So great.
368
00:12:16,982 --> 00:12:18,481
Listen, I was thinking...
369
00:12:18,517 --> 00:12:20,583
Our friendship is too important.
370
00:12:20,619 --> 00:12:22,285
We should be partners.
371
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,353
I don't think so.
372
00:12:23,388 --> 00:12:24,888
See, I already got a partner.
373
00:12:24,923 --> 00:12:27,090
You ready to rock, muscles?
374
00:12:27,993 --> 00:12:29,125
Seriously?
375
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,694
Of all the people, you
ditch me for that putz?
376
00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:33,029
Now you know how it feels.
377
00:12:33,064 --> 00:12:36,032
Well, we'll see how you feel
when Handsome Ben chokes.
378
00:12:36,067 --> 00:12:37,967
He's got the looks, but not the chops.
379
00:12:38,003 --> 00:12:39,302
Done.
380
00:12:39,371 --> 00:12:40,904
And I got the course record, too.
381
00:12:42,908 --> 00:12:44,240
Balls!
382
00:12:44,276 --> 00:12:46,809
That is one hard schnoz.
383
00:12:46,845 --> 00:12:48,411
As I was losing a best friend...
384
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:49,779
Set... Hike!
385
00:12:49,814 --> 00:12:52,715
... my mom was learning
how to win at feetball.
386
00:12:55,554 --> 00:12:57,220
Touchdown!
387
00:12:57,255 --> 00:12:58,621
Whoo!
388
00:12:58,657 --> 00:12:59,789
Oh, yeah!
389
00:12:59,824 --> 00:13:01,624
You're in my house now!
390
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:03,927
You're gonna come in
and take off your shoes
391
00:13:03,962 --> 00:13:05,328
'cause I just vacuumed.
392
00:13:05,363 --> 00:13:07,063
That's how "in my house" you are!
393
00:13:07,098 --> 00:13:08,197
Whoo!
394
00:13:08,233 --> 00:13:10,133
I think our work here is done.
395
00:13:10,168 --> 00:13:13,236
I have a feeling your dad
is gonna be a very happy man!
396
00:13:13,271 --> 00:13:15,104
Let's go, Eagles "D"!
397
00:13:15,140 --> 00:13:16,205
- Sack!
- Yes!
398
00:13:16,241 --> 00:13:18,207
Yes, baby.
399
00:13:18,243 --> 00:13:20,577
Turns out learning football
just ruined it for my dad.
400
00:13:20,612 --> 00:13:21,911
Isn't this great?
401
00:13:21,947 --> 00:13:23,046
Mur, you got it all.
402
00:13:23,081 --> 00:13:25,014
Yeah, she did the thing I asked her to do,
403
00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:26,716
so it'd be wrong of me to complain.
404
00:13:26,751 --> 00:13:29,185
Watch... next play, they're
gonna throw the long ball.
405
00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:30,453
That's nuts. It's third and short.
406
00:13:30,522 --> 00:13:31,621
They're gonna go up the middle.
407
00:13:31,656 --> 00:13:33,389
No. They're expecting the rush.
408
00:13:33,425 --> 00:13:36,626
Gah! Stop saying things
with sports-fueled knowledge!
409
00:13:36,661 --> 00:13:39,095
Let's all just not talk
until The Eagles win, okay?
410
00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:42,131
Unfortunately for my dad, they
really were expecting the rush.
411
00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:44,233
Boom! Ha ha!
412
00:13:44,269 --> 00:13:45,401
Who called it?
413
00:13:45,437 --> 00:13:47,103
Mama bird... that's who!
414
00:13:47,138 --> 00:13:48,271
Face!
415
00:13:48,306 --> 00:13:49,839
Aah! That's it!
416
00:13:49,874 --> 00:13:51,140
You got to go.
417
00:13:51,176 --> 00:13:52,542
Go?!
418
00:13:52,577 --> 00:13:54,177
But...
419
00:13:54,212 --> 00:13:55,211
I learned football.
420
00:13:55,246 --> 00:13:56,713
I did what you said.
421
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,615
Thing is, I lied.
422
00:13:58,650 --> 00:14:01,851
Look, I think the key to a
good marriage is time apart,
423
00:14:01,886 --> 00:14:04,654
and for me, football is that time.
424
00:14:04,985 --> 00:14:06,689
Well, I think the key to a good marriage
425
00:14:06,725 --> 00:14:08,759
is spending time together.
426
00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:10,844
But if you don't want me here...
427
00:14:11,663 --> 00:14:12,862
I'll go.
428
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,066
While my "Double Dare"
dreams had been dashed,
429
00:14:17,102 --> 00:14:18,768
Emmy's were looking better than ever,
430
00:14:18,803 --> 00:14:21,371
thanks to athletic, horrible Handsome Ben.
431
00:14:21,406 --> 00:14:22,972
Look at Handsome Ben go.
432
00:14:23,008 --> 00:14:24,841
His feet barely touch the slime.
433
00:14:24,876 --> 00:14:27,243
I feel like it's right...
434
00:14:27,278 --> 00:14:28,111
Here.
435
00:14:28,146 --> 00:14:29,812
- Yes!
- Yes! Got it! Come on.
436
00:14:29,848 --> 00:14:31,547
Well done, kids!
437
00:14:31,583 --> 00:14:33,416
Looks like you two are the team to beat.
438
00:14:33,451 --> 00:14:35,284
Couldn't ask for a better partner.
439
00:14:37,022 --> 00:14:39,422
I think that was directed at you.
440
00:14:39,457 --> 00:14:41,324
Yes! Thank you, Dave Kim.
441
00:14:41,359 --> 00:14:43,459
Looks like all of those
months of practice with Emmy
442
00:14:43,495 --> 00:14:44,527
really paid off.
443
00:14:45,664 --> 00:14:47,997
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Months?
444
00:14:48,033 --> 00:14:50,433
Yeah, we overheard Coach Mellor
at the beginning of the year
445
00:14:50,468 --> 00:14:51,968
saying "Double Dare" was coming.
446
00:14:52,003 --> 00:14:54,470
- That's when we agreed to partner up and...
- Pbht! What?!
447
00:14:54,506 --> 00:14:55,905
Handsome Ben's just confused.
448
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:57,073
Let me get this straight.
449
00:14:57,108 --> 00:14:59,475
You picked him before I even asked you?
450
00:14:59,511 --> 00:15:00,376
Kinda.
451
00:15:00,412 --> 00:15:01,577
You've been torturing me for a week,
452
00:15:01,613 --> 00:15:03,279
and you did the exact same thing!
453
00:15:03,314 --> 00:15:05,214
I was at least gonna lie
and let you down easy.
454
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,716
Well, you make a great team...
455
00:15:06,751 --> 00:15:08,651
Handsome Ben and "Sack of crap" Emmy.
456
00:15:08,687 --> 00:15:09,886
Take it back, nerd!
457
00:15:11,222 --> 00:15:12,689
Sure, it was an honest accident.
458
00:15:12,724 --> 00:15:14,857
However, what happened next wasn't.
459
00:15:14,893 --> 00:15:16,826
After that, no one was at their best.
460
00:15:16,861 --> 00:15:18,027
Whoa, whoa!
461
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:20,897
Both of you... out!
462
00:15:20,932 --> 00:15:22,365
But you said I was a lock.
463
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,500
That was before you made
a mess of this course.
464
00:15:24,536 --> 00:15:25,835
Now go.
465
00:15:28,707 --> 00:15:30,673
Thanks a lot.
466
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:34,143
Well... Looks like you're
gonna need a new partner.
467
00:15:34,179 --> 00:15:36,145
For sure.
468
00:15:36,181 --> 00:15:37,947
Hey, Amy, be my partner?
469
00:15:37,982 --> 00:15:39,982
Definitely. You're handsome.
470
00:15:41,753 --> 00:15:44,554
Dave Kim... always a bridesmaid.
471
00:15:48,229 --> 00:15:50,591
My dad knew he needed to
make it right with my mom.
472
00:15:50,654 --> 00:15:53,316
Only problem... he had no idea how.
473
00:15:55,740 --> 00:15:57,696
Time to cook the steak-umms!
474
00:15:58,079 --> 00:15:59,688
Hope I don't make a mess!
475
00:15:59,713 --> 00:16:01,708
Why are you narrating
your kitchen experience?
476
00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:04,683
I'm trying to lure your mother downstairs.
477
00:16:04,719 --> 00:16:06,786
I don't know what's
wrong. This always works.
478
00:16:06,821 --> 00:16:08,487
Yeah, well, you really hurt her feelings.
479
00:16:08,523 --> 00:16:10,189
You're a, uh, lady person.
480
00:16:10,224 --> 00:16:11,490
How do I un-hurt them?
481
00:16:11,526 --> 00:16:14,226
Hello? Mom took an interest
in something you love.
482
00:16:14,262 --> 00:16:16,162
Just show her that you
can do the same thing.
483
00:16:16,197 --> 00:16:18,664
What... like yakking
on the phone, shopping,
484
00:16:18,699 --> 00:16:20,750
or pushing the hot thing over the clothes?
485
00:16:20,786 --> 00:16:21,770
Ironing?
486
00:16:22,036 --> 00:16:23,235
No, those are chores.
487
00:16:23,271 --> 00:16:25,070
I'm talking about stuff
that makes her happy,
488
00:16:25,106 --> 00:16:26,338
like jazzercise.
489
00:16:26,374 --> 00:16:28,674
That dancy thing where she
puts on the stretchy clothes
490
00:16:28,709 --> 00:16:30,694
and rolls around on the
ground like a drunk toddler?
491
00:16:30,733 --> 00:16:33,151
Good point. You should focus
on something more your speed.
492
00:16:33,186 --> 00:16:35,181
And by "speed," I mean no speed.
493
00:16:36,116 --> 00:16:37,062
I got it.
494
00:16:37,131 --> 00:16:38,384
Son of a bitch!
495
00:16:38,419 --> 00:16:40,386
This can't be done! No one can do it!
496
00:16:40,421 --> 00:16:41,805
What exactly are you doing?
497
00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:44,376
Scrapbooking... Your
mother's favorite hobby.
498
00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:46,192
But it's a nightmare!
499
00:16:46,227 --> 00:16:47,426
Stupid glue!
500
00:16:47,461 --> 00:16:49,128
Everything I touch sticks to me!
501
00:16:49,163 --> 00:16:51,997
Just calm down, okay? I'm
sure what you made is fine.
502
00:16:55,203 --> 00:16:56,802
Holy crap! What is that?
503
00:16:56,838 --> 00:16:57,803
Our sweet memories.
504
00:16:57,839 --> 00:16:59,004
Why did you cut out the letters?
505
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,339
It looks like a ransom note.
506
00:17:00,374 --> 00:17:01,974
You know I'm not good at penmanship!
507
00:17:02,009 --> 00:17:03,175
Why'd you put "look"?
508
00:17:03,211 --> 00:17:05,611
What am I supposed to look
at... His red demon eyes?
509
00:17:05,646 --> 00:17:07,746
I was trying to make
them sparkle with glitter,
510
00:17:07,774 --> 00:17:10,268
but no one tells you how
complicated glitter is.
511
00:17:10,301 --> 00:17:11,072
It looks like something
512
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,491
- a 10-year-old serial killer would make.
- I know!
513
00:17:13,527 --> 00:17:16,121
Let me break this down for
you in terms you understand.
514
00:17:16,989 --> 00:17:20,223
Imagine this page is the football field
515
00:17:20,258 --> 00:17:22,859
and this baby picture... the quarterback.
516
00:17:22,894 --> 00:17:24,527
As Erica was coaching my dad,
517
00:17:24,563 --> 00:17:26,463
Coach Mellor had the "Double Dare" results.
518
00:17:26,498 --> 00:17:27,664
All right, listen up.
519
00:17:27,699 --> 00:17:30,233
I just found out who got
picked for the game show
520
00:17:30,268 --> 00:17:33,003
that left all sorts of
stains on my gym floor.
521
00:17:33,038 --> 00:17:35,739
And our new TV stars are...
522
00:17:36,875 --> 00:17:39,175
... Handsome Ben and regular Amy.
523
00:17:39,211 --> 00:17:40,377
- We're in! We did it!
- Yes!
524
00:17:40,412 --> 00:17:41,611
Wait... what?
525
00:17:41,647 --> 00:17:43,546
Turns out losing out on "Double Dare"
526
00:17:43,582 --> 00:17:45,949
isn't nearly as bad as
losing your best friend.
527
00:17:54,526 --> 00:17:55,558
Hey.
528
00:17:55,594 --> 00:17:57,260
I'm not talking to you, jackass.
529
00:17:57,329 --> 00:17:58,962
That should've been me.
530
00:17:58,997 --> 00:18:00,096
It should've been us.
531
00:18:00,132 --> 00:18:01,531
There is no us.
532
00:18:03,235 --> 00:18:06,903
Look, I don't blame you for
picking Ben two months ago.
533
00:18:06,938 --> 00:18:08,371
He's not my rival.
534
00:18:08,407 --> 00:18:09,973
He's just amazing.
535
00:18:10,637 --> 00:18:12,090
I guess...
536
00:18:13,578 --> 00:18:15,045
I'm a jackass, too.
537
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:16,046
Little bit.
538
00:18:17,215 --> 00:18:19,310
So much for always
having each other's backs.
539
00:18:19,685 --> 00:18:21,651
I mean, "Double Dare" tore us apart.
540
00:18:21,687 --> 00:18:22,920
So fast.
541
00:18:23,522 --> 00:18:25,722
Are we, like, terrible best friends?
542
00:18:25,757 --> 00:18:26,649
Maybe.
543
00:18:27,641 --> 00:18:28,892
But if we are,
544
00:18:28,927 --> 00:18:30,927
I hope we're terrible best friends forever.
545
00:18:30,962 --> 00:18:34,397
I'm talking graduation,
college, law school.
546
00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:36,833
Hell, I'm gonna be the bro
of honor at your wedding.
547
00:18:36,868 --> 00:18:40,070
And when you're like 100
and at an old-age home,
548
00:18:40,105 --> 00:18:41,538
I'm gonna be watching "Double Dare"
549
00:18:41,573 --> 00:18:42,639
right there next to you.
550
00:18:43,909 --> 00:18:45,875
You think it'll still be on?
551
00:18:45,911 --> 00:18:47,577
Oh, for sure.
552
00:18:49,114 --> 00:18:50,447
I made you something.
553
00:18:50,482 --> 00:18:52,582
What is this?
554
00:18:52,651 --> 00:18:55,485
I know how hard you worked
learning my favorite thing,
555
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,354
so I thought it was time
I learned about yours.
556
00:19:00,058 --> 00:19:03,059
You made a scrapbook for me?
557
00:19:03,095 --> 00:19:03,860
Pretty good, huh?
558
00:19:03,895 --> 00:19:05,628
No. It's a train wreck.
559
00:19:05,664 --> 00:19:07,597
You glittered where you should've laced,
560
00:19:07,632 --> 00:19:09,432
and you laced where
you should've stenciled.
561
00:19:09,468 --> 00:19:10,577
It's all so complicated!
562
00:19:10,602 --> 00:19:11,829
Doesn't matter.
563
00:19:12,471 --> 00:19:13,436
I love it.
564
00:19:13,472 --> 00:19:15,271
Look, I'm lucky to have a wife
565
00:19:15,307 --> 00:19:17,741
who wants to spend time with a man like me.
566
00:19:17,776 --> 00:19:19,776
So what do you say...
567
00:19:19,811 --> 00:19:22,445
Next time, I tag along
to your scrapbook club?
568
00:19:22,481 --> 00:19:24,347
You were right.
569
00:19:24,382 --> 00:19:27,250
Scrapbooking is my time away.
570
00:19:27,285 --> 00:19:29,285
You just stick with your feetball.
571
00:19:29,321 --> 00:19:30,920
With that, my parents decided
572
00:19:30,956 --> 00:19:32,422
to give each other some space...
573
00:19:32,457 --> 00:19:34,724
Until The Eagles fumbled.
574
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:35,558
Aah!
575
00:19:35,594 --> 00:19:37,026
That's it. Season's over.
576
00:19:37,062 --> 00:19:38,895
No, all we need's a touchdown,
577
00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:40,130
an onside kick, a field goal,
578
00:19:40,165 --> 00:19:41,364
and then two more touchdowns.
579
00:19:41,399 --> 00:19:42,499
Stop it.
580
00:19:42,534 --> 00:19:44,267
Off to the craft store. Be back in a jiff.
581
00:19:44,302 --> 00:19:45,468
No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!
582
00:19:45,504 --> 00:19:47,170
Come here, come here, come here, come here.
583
00:19:47,205 --> 00:19:49,072
I think The Eagles could
use some of your luck.
584
00:19:50,575 --> 00:19:53,843
That's the thing about the
relationships that matter most.
585
00:19:53,879 --> 00:19:56,279
Sure, they get messy,
and sometimes you fumble,
586
00:19:56,314 --> 00:19:59,415
but when you're a team, you always win.
587
00:19:59,484 --> 00:20:01,885
Ben and Amy, on what TV series
588
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,554
does Andy Griffith regularly play a lawyer?
589
00:20:04,589 --> 00:20:06,456
- "Matlock."
- Yes, right again.
590
00:20:06,491 --> 00:20:07,757
You have another $10.
591
00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:09,425
Guess we should call her "Smart Amy."
592
00:20:10,929 --> 00:20:13,196
_
593
00:20:13,231 --> 00:20:15,265
Ben and Amy, on what TV series
594
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:18,101
does Andy Griffith regularly play a lawyer?
595
00:20:18,136 --> 00:20:19,969
- "Matlock."
- Yes, right again.
596
00:20:57,305 --> 00:20:59,360
The hell are you doing?
Tryouts were yesterday.
597
00:21:00,751 --> 00:21:01,751
Tryouts for what?
598
00:21:01,962 --> 00:21:05,962
Synced & corrected by -robtor
www.addic7ed.com
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