Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

The universe is a vast and mysterious place,

full of wonder and treachery.

But amid the chaos of intergalactic life,

there exists an elite group

dedicated to keeping order and balance:

the Space Guardians!

I'll tell you blokes what,

I know crazy Robo Cat was one mental metal kitty,

but I've never seen a little shrimp like Squeak here

handle business like he did with that sandbox rust bucket.

Three cheers to our newest Space Guardian, Agent Squeak!

Hear, hear!

Hear, hear!

All right, well then, how about a little speech,

or somethin' there, Squeaky, old boy?

So if those were free cheers,

are there cheers I have to pay for?

What's this craziness you're talking about now, Squeak?

You said free cheers for the new Space Guardian.

How much do the paid cheers cost?

You little prawn!

I didn't say free cheers, I said three cheers!

Hear, hear!

Hear, hear!

Okay, I'll take it where I can get it.

Guardian Squeak, on behalf of all the Space Guardians,

I would like to welcome you

and extend my deepest congratulations.

Your heroic service is greatly appreciated.

I couldn't have done it without you, Master Tekkamaki,

all you guys!

I know!

All right then, where were we?

You were about to detail a new top secret threat

to the galaxy that we need to look into, Captain.

Ah, yes, right, right!

Say, you blokes fancy my belt?

Look at that color there!

If I may interject, Captain,

what does your belt have to do with...

Look it!

Very nice, sir.

Isn't it?

Oh, blimey, what the gob was that?

Have we hit a bloody asteroid?

Where's Private Liney?

If he's on that internet again,

I'll demote him to mess hall.

Oh, no!

It sounds like the new mega-charge

plutonium blaster's blown!

It'll be a small fortune to buy one new.

Commander Ham Sanders may know where to find one cheap.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Come in, Agent Pingpongtop.

I need you to run a spacecraft damage diagnostic pronto!

I feel we've hit another asteroid.

Your calculation is incorrect, Captain Ganymede.

It appears as though our rear outer booster quadrant

has been struck by another rocket-propelled vessel!

You mean to tell me we've been rear-ended in space?

Have they finally finished construction

on the star pool lane?

Negative, Captain.

It appears to be a hit and run.

The other ship has continued on its way.

Slap my ears and call me.

Not if I have anything to say about it!

Colonel Rough, deploy the comet hooks.

We'll nab that hunka metal and tow it

into the nearest space station

to bring its numpty captain up on charges.

Well, well, well, what have we here?

A hunka space debris!

Oh, look, it's the famous Space Guardians,

floatin' along in their tin can in the galactic slipstream!

Guess that hero status doesn't pay the bills, does it?

I'd take our lot over yours any light year, Tartar.

You're the one who's copping a flower pot, after all,

and copping it hot.

Ha, you think I accidentally ran into that recycle bin

you Guardians call a spaceship?

This is your wake up call.

You clowns punk one little Robo Cat

and fly around like you own the Milky Way!

Well, then, how 'bout we punk a big ugly space moose next?

Easy, young Squeak, easy.

Anger is not your friend.

Finally!

I was beginning to think none of you Star Chickens

were gonna ask me to dance.

Direct hit, we're being attacked!

Fire the cannons!

If it's a donnybrook he wants, it's a donnybrook he'll get!

Oh boy, here we go!

Not bad for 21st century weaponry, Space Germs.

Your lasers might have scratched my hull.

It's a good thing I also own controlling stock

in Space Jack's Dents and Cracks,

but how are you rubes in your cardboard spaceship

gonna fix this?

Right, is that all you've got?

Why don't you try this then?

Colonel Rough, fire at will!

As you wish, Captain.

Hmm, what's that?

I didn't know there were mosquitoes in deep space.

I'll have to remember to pick up some repellent spray.

You're not foolin' anyone, mate.

Our lasers are the best in the galaxy.

We're equipped with not one, but two

negative mass laser diode cannons

capable of obliterating an asteroid

the size of the planet ,

absorbing enough direct fire to shut down

your ship's navigational system

and short circuit your mainframe,

leaving your useless metal box floating helplessly in space

until you collide with an asteroid,

or a black hole swallows you, whichever comes first.

The energy you put into the universe

is the energy the universe returns to you.

It's the cycle of life.

Payback's a dish best served cold, Tartar.

Cool beans!

Beans!

I'll keep that all in mind, Space Guardians.

I just wanted to say hi.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to finish buildin' my new toy.

I think it'll be of great interest to you.

I call it the Cosmic Inflator.

Warp speed!

We gotta catch that moose!

Captain, warp speed is not activating!

Our systems appear to be down.

Blimey, if that moose gets its hooves on that device,

we've had it!

So, the rumors are true.

I'm afraid they are.

Tartar III is building a device

that can destroy our entire universe

with the push of a little button.

Whoa, like a space garbage disposal!

I suppose so, Squeak.

At any rate, this is what I was meaning

to talk to you about.

Word has reached us that Tartar's

been developing this device for some time,

and it's almost ready.

We got an image of it this morning.

We must not let this device see fruition.

You can say that again.

We must not let this device see fruition.

Agent Pingpongtop, what's our damage rating?

Are we operational?

Captain, my readings show our rear outer booster quadrant

is operating at 50% power,

while our main thrusters, backup warp speed engines,

sleeping quarters, heating and cooling, refrigeration units,

and Game Station Pro are all dead.

Oh, come on!

No Game Station?

What are we gonna do?

We need to call somebody!

The larger problem seems to be the fact

that we are now stranded.

We could collide with an asteroid or slip into a black hole!

Pingpongtop, patch me through

to Agent CUP-K immediately!

Right away, Captain!

Already on it, Captain!

How long till the ship's up and running, CUP-K?

We're in a bad way, Captain.

We've taken a lot of damage.

How long, CUP-K?

I'd say about a twelfth of a light year,

maybe less.

A twelfth of a light year?

We'll all be mummies by then!

That's about a month, Squeak.

We'll be bored, but we won't be mummified,

or you might be if I ring your neck.

Easy, Colonel Rough, easy!

We're all Space Guardians, remember?

And the Space Guardians unite.

Guardians, on screen before you

is Tartar III's newest weapon, the Cosmic Inflator.

It looks like a toaster.

A toaster!

I can assure you it is anything but.

I mean, maybe it can make toast, I don't know.

Can it spread butter too?

We have no information on that, Agent Squeak.

What about jelly?

Negative.

Jam?

Okay, come on now!

Let the captain talk.

For crikey's sake, we're floating around out here

like a discarded soda can!

Soda!

I don't believe this.

Can someone talk to him?

Focus, Squeak.

Remember your lessons learned, breathe,

and do not lose focus.

I smell toast!

It is an illusion of the mind.

The power of suggestion is strong.

Be stronger, Squeak.

Right, where were we?

Yeah, the Cosmic Inflator.

Tell us about it, Captain.

What exactly does that thing do?

You know anything about the Big Bang Theory?

I don't watch TV.

I think what Captain Ganymede refer to

is the prevailing cosmological model for the universe.

Uh, the what?

The Big Bang Theory is the prevailing notion

of how the universe began.

It all started with a teeny speck of light.

Then boom!

Rapid expansion saw the cosmos explode

to this star-studded wonderland we know today.

Yes?

How do we know that?

If all things started with a tiny speck of light,

who was around to see it?

You just live to get on our nerves, don't you?

Good question, Squeak.

Much of what we know about the Big Bang

comes from mathematical equations.

We're not gonna do math, are we?

I hate math.

We're not gonna do math, no.

Just follow me here, Squeak, pay attention!

What?

Astronomers on Planet Earth, for instance,

can see the echo of the universe's rapid inflation

through a phenomenon known as

the cosmic microwave background.

What's that?

Sounds like a damaged airlock!

We could implode!

Remain calm, Colonel Rough.

You remain calm, Master Tekkamaki!

I fight, and fight hard!

As you wish.

Listen!

There it is again!

It's coming from this area.

Agent Pingpongtop, run a diagnostics

on our airlocks right away!

Will do, Captain, one moment.

We'll get to the bottom of this!

There it is again!

It's right here, it's right,

wait a moment!

Is that?

Squeak!

Is that your stomach growling?

Uh, you said microwave.

Oh, blimey!

I don't believe this!

Microwaves cook all kinds of yummy things!

I haven't had lunch.

I've got the results, Captain.

All our airlocks appear to be secure.

Thank you, Agent Pingpongtop.

As you were.

Squeak, you have got to get a hold of yourself.

This obsession with food is gonna be your undoing.

I'm sorry, Captain Ganymede, I'll try!

No try, Squeak,

only do.

Hey, is our microwave broken too?

Get Pingpongtop back!

Squeak!

What?

I have a bag of pizza bites that'll go bad

if we don't zap 'em right away!

Enough, Squeak!

Whoa, our survival's at stake!

Pingpongtop!

Squeak!

As I was saying, a cosmic microwave background

is traceable leftover radiation from the Big Bang,

when the universe is believed to have begun.

Science shmience!

That's not as fun as pizza bites.

Captain, what does this device on screen

have to do with the Big Bang Theory?

I'm glad someone finally asked.

If Tartar pushes that button there,

the Cosmic Inflator can bring about another Big Bang,

effectively destroying our entire universe

in the blink of an eye.

My goodness, what shall we do?

Ideally, we'd have caught Tartar when he attacked us,

and he'd be locked up right now.

But things didn't work out that way.

We have no choice.

Only one of us here has proven himself

in a crucial recon mission.

Right, Squeak, you're it.

What now?

Suit up, Guardian.

You foiled crazy Robo Cat.

We need you to find Tartar III

and get that box off of him.

But I haven't had lunch!

Take 15 minutes in the mess hall,

then report to Professor Mucus's lab

to get your new flight instruction.

New flight instruction?

I can't remember the old flight instruction!

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I'm not dyin' ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ World goes wild, whoo ♪

Ah, Squeak!

So good to see you again, you know?

I don't ever recall a Space Guardian

who took to training as quickly and efficiently as you.

Really?

That's cool, Professor Mucus.

I wish I could remember it right now.

You're as funny as ever, my boy, a true card.

No, really, I...

Look at this, I have a tremendous new spacecraft

awaiting your skilled hands.

I have no skilled hands,

or anything else, for that matter.

I call it the ZX239313-3000.

It's capable of a 360-degree change of direction

within cosmic slipstreams,

enabling it to function within black holes.

And it has four, count then,

four independent warp speed engines

built into its boosters,

meaning it uses twice as much warp

as any other comparable craft,

and will never break down due to external damage!

Uh,

I was just talking about how I'm bad at math.

Could you repeat that, Professor?

That's rich!

At any rate, you'll love this machine.

And it has brand new state-of-the-art

galactic facial recognition.

Just input your target,

like a screenshot of ugly Tartar there,

and the craft will do the rest.

It's capable of identification up to eight light years,

and reads through masks,

unless they're plutonium-based.

Then it might get confused.

I also modeled the control panel

after our previous time machine,

so just follow the same navigational instructions

as last time, and you'll be fine.

That's the thing, Professor,

I really don't remember anything about that time machine.

I forgot everything.

Everything?

Everything.

Oh my!

What do you recall?

Tacos!

Squeak?

Huh?

Oh, I don't recall anything, really.

Sorry.

Hmm, this is a strange development, indeed.

Tell you what, go see Colonel Rough.

Rough?

But why?

I just saw him!

He doesn't like me anyway.

Nonsense!

He doesn't like anybody.

I know!

Exactly!

It has nothing to do with you.

Go brush up on your flight simulation training with him

while I simplify some of the spacecraft's controls.

If you still can't get the hang of it,

we'll call in reinforcements.

Well, all right.

Hey, if that new spaceship is ready to go,

why don't we all board it and go find Tartar together?

Good question, Squeak.

See, I told you you were sharp!

It's a two-seater, unfortunately,

built for speed and maneuverability,

not large cargo.

If we loaded it up with all the Space Guardians,

it would just float helplessly, like we're doing now.

But you, you have a chance to save the day yet again!

I know you won't let the universe down.

I wish I knew it too.

I can't believe we're doing this again.

I'm a decorated colonel,

and I have to teach a little blue shrimp

how to fly a spaceship to save the universe?

What's it all for?

I don't know, Colonel Rough, you tell me!

I don't know what good it'll do.

You can't remember anything for longer than two minutes.

Whoa, it's like a spaceship!

I don't believe this, Professor!

You mean to tell me you blew up your lab again?

I don't know what happened!

My equations must have been off.

I merely attempted to reroute the plutonium intake

around the comet granule converter tanks

in an effort to make it easier for Squeak

to switch from engine thrust to warp speed

without having to activate the zero gravity clutch and...

Never mind, never mind.

Whatever the reasons,

we're now completely stranded in space!

We've no way to send anyone anywhere

and can only float out here and wait for Tartar III

to blow it all up!

Oh, if you give me a couple of hours,

I could build another internal compression glider.

Send Squeak in that.

Like the one you tested with the gerbil?

Well, similar, not exact.

What happened to that glider again, Professor?

It confused its thermostat reading

with its target coordinates, and...

Go on.

Flew into the sun.

It flew into the sun.

Right, right.

It was just a mainframe glitch!

More like a hiccup, really,

and the gerbil escaped unhurt.

His escape pod worked perfectly.

Professor, I'm not putting a Space Guardian in that,

not even Squeak!

No, there's only one call to make now,

and hopefully, that call goes through.

Agent Pingpongtop, get me Commander Ham Sanders

on the line at once!

This 3D is incredible!

These kids today and their virtual reality games,

this looks just like space!

Just like flying through deep space

in the Battle of Saturn's Eighth Ring,

and my platoon got lost in that black hole,

and I had to fight the entire sixth regiment

by myself in a modified baby seat

rigged with one turbo booster and a laser pen

back when robots were made of metal, not plasticized PVC.

Ha, what a tremendous game!

This is Captain Ganymede of the Space Guardians.

You recently helped our new recruit, Squeak,

defeat that dastardly crazy Robo Cat.

Robot cat?

No, I don't want to buy any robot cats.

Is that one of those automated vacuum cleaners?

Oy vey, what is customer service coming to?

No, I'm not selling robo vacuums, Commander!

I'm here with your old partner, Squeak!

Squeaks?

No, my ship doesn't squeak.

He runs perfectly.

I'm getting tired of these sales calls.

I'm going to block this number, do you hear me?

Commander, listen to me!

We're stranded and we need your help.

I'm going to give you our coordinates.

Please, come find us if you can!

Are you calling me out, son?

Yes, yes, I am!

The survival of the universe depends on it!

Then come at me, space salesman!

I can't, Commander!

You have to come at me!

Why, you grimy star flake!

You've done it now!

You're on Ham Sanders's bad side!

I'm going to introduce you

to the dark side of the moon, boy!

Okay, are you ready for the coordinates?

Do you have a pen?

You'll need more than a pen to fight me, peewee!

I suggest you find yourself a sword.

I'm tracking your call as we speak,

and we'll soon be ship to ship.

Excellent!

We'll see how big your vacuum mouth is then!

Right then, Commander, see you shortly.

Fly safe.

Blow it out your exhaust, whippersnapper!

That went well.

He's gettin' on in years.

Tell me, Agent Squeak,

what have you retained of your galactic samurai training?

I remember pineapple tacos.

Yet, there were no pineapple tacos.

The pineapple tacos were a figment of your mind's eye.

Then my mind's eye sees some good stuff, Master.

Agent Squeak, close your eyes.

Uh-huh.

Tell me what you see.

Beef brisket,

steaming mashed potatoes,

a side of fluffy broccoli!

Wow!

Is that all?

Yams!

Agent Squeak, focus your mind

upon our current dilemma.

No power to refrigerate or microwave in the mess hall,

food spoiling.

There is an enemy.

Think,

what else?

The ice cream, the ice cream's melted!

The ice cream's gone!

We can refreeze it, we can still save it all!

If only Tartar's had developed a tiramisu bomb.

Tiramisu!

Oh, it's to die for!

Colonel Rough, in your estimation,

is Guardian Squeak adequately prepared for his new mission?

In my estimation, not at all, Captain,

not even a little bit.

Oh.

This isn't what I was expecting to hear.

I'm sure it isn't, Captain, but the facts remain,

Squeak is quite possibly even more ill-prepared

for duty than he was the first time!

I see.

Well, it's a good thing I called for backup then.

Backup?

Who?

Why don't we cross that bridge

when we come to it, Guardian?

He has to get here first,

and I'm not convinced he can.

Okay.

In fact, let me check on that right now.

Agent Pingpongtop?

Nope, why don't we have a little chat instead?

Tartar, you bleeding rotter!

How'd you tap into our internal feed?

Easy, Ganymede, all your firewalls are down.

Your crippled ship's easy to hack.

I've been watchin' and listenin' this entire time.

I know every move you're plannin' to make

almost before you do.

Why, you cloven-hooved lug!

You ought to be dragging fallen asteroids on Mars

and drinking radioactive water from a trough!

Listen to you!

And you're supposed to be one of the good guys?

I'd watch that one close, Captain.

He's a bad apple!

The only bad apple here is you, Tartar.

We'll give you one last chance.

Hand over the Cosmic Inflator

and forget about your evil plans!

Or what, you're gonna sic that geriatric pipe cleaner,

Commander Ham Sandwich, on me?

Ham sandwich?

Wait, does he mean Ham Sanders?

Is that who you called?

Oy, it is indeed, Squeak.

Whether or not he'll show up is anyone's guess.

All right, listen up!

Who's the young punk who mans the phones around here?

Welcome back, Commander Ham Sanders!

That's not a plutonium grenade in your hand there, is it?

What?

No, it's a portable nightlight.

My optic chip isn't what it used to be.

I almost missed a ramp and walked out into space.

Just checking.

Look here, remember your old partner, Squeak?

A squeak?

A little whale oil can fix that.

Oh, boy!

It's pretty cool to be flying together again, Commander.

Nice spaceship!

Where'd you get it?

I traded the Niaks for it.

The Niaks?

I thought you were done dealing with them!

Yes, well, as you come to realize in our galaxy,

if you want something and you want it fast,

the Niaks are the creatures to talk to.

They didn't rip you off again, did they?

Squeak, you'll also come to realize

when you deal with Niaks, it isn't whether or not

you'll be ripped off, it's how bad you'll be ripped off.

I paid 53,000 parsecs, which isn't bad considering.

Considering what?

Considering I hawked crazy Robo Cat's spacecraft

to the for 60,000 parsecs!

Whoa, cool!

We had a pretty gnarly ship!

Why didn't you just keep it?

Too identifiable.

Crazy Robo Cat had outstanding warrants in four galaxies.

They'd have stopped me at every star.

Not to mention, the aliens were out to get him.

If the good guys didn't catch me,

the bad guys surely would have!

That's too much trouble for an old coot like me.

I see your point.

Gentlemen, I trust your mission's

got off on the right foot.

What?

It's that son of a bleep from the cleaning company!

I should have cranked his ears when I had the chance!

That's Captain Ganymede, Commander.

You know him, he leads the Space Guardians!

What the, Space Guardians?

Who are they, a collection agency?

I paid for this ship outright, free and clear!

Let them try to take it from me, blasted bean counters!

Squeak, are you sure you can handle this mission?

I thought it was a good idea to pair you two again

since you did so well the last time.

But now,

I'm not so sure.

I've got it under control, Captain.

Squeak, can you ensure the commander doesn't go rogue?

Our very survival's at stake.

No worries, Captain, I've got this.

Meteor shower, pull up, pull up, Private!

What?

It's okay, Commander, everything's fine.

We're low on fuel.

Check the fuel gauge, Squeak.

We're not low on fuel!

We're going to crash!

Squeak!

We're not gonna crash, everything is fine!

I knew I should have come alone.

I'm switching you off, Private!

Squeak, don't relinquish the controls!

There's no telling where you'll end up,

and we must locate Tartar III.

I've lost control, Captain.

Squeak!

It'll work out, just let me talk to him.

He's overwhelmed right now.

Don't worry, Private,

I'll get us out of this asteroid storm to safety.

I haven't lost a soldier yet!

Thank goodness you're here, Commander.

I don't know what I'd have done without you.

Let's land and wait out this hellacious storm.

Storm, what storm?

You're suffering from PTSD, my boy.

There's nothing but stars, far as the eyes can see.

There it is!

The prison planet looms.

Careful now, Squeak, my boy.

When we land, follow my lead.

I know how to talk to those things.

Oh, okay.

We're going in!

Greetings, spacelings.

Welcome to,

oh, it's you again!

We come in peace!

Yeah, I know.

You want to sell something or buy?

If you want to buy, we can talk,

but if you're selling again, we are closed for business.

Foolish Niaka, the first rule of business

is never close for business!

Yeah, well, that ship you sold us

is so full of steel wool fur balls, it won't take off!

How is that my problem?

I paid you 60,000 parsecs

for a ship that won't fly, that's how.

Nonsense, I flew it here.

And you crash landed over the North Hills.

We had to carry you back to our camp

and nurse you back to health, remember?

No, I don't recall that.

I'm not surprised.

Your memory chip was so damaged in the crash,

on top of its existing wear and tear,

we thought you'd never come around!

Niaka was ready to dismantle you

and sell you to the intergalactic space dump.

Niaka?

But you're Niaka!

Not this again!

Not me, him.

Private, don't panic, but I am seeing double.

There's two of them, Commander.

Oh!

What do you want this time, Ham Sanders?

Yeah, what are you selling, this shrimp?

Hey!

Go with it, Private, it'll get us inside.

Then we can rescue Marlenia.

What, Marlenia?

She's not here!

Yes, this prime shrimp here is juicy,

succulent, and ready for the barbie!

What?

Want to see?

Here, fire it up, throw him on!

Better shrimp, you won't find on planet Niak!

What a comedian.

Commander, you're a real card.

But seriously, guys, somebody's completely out of his mind,

and landed here for no good reason.

Don't mind us, we'll just be going.

Sorry for the intrusion, Niaks!

Oh?

I'm actually pretty hungry.

Me too, Niaka.

Shrimp was sounding mighty good.

Me three!

Me four!

Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp!

Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp!

Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp!

Okay, come on now.

Bidding's open.

How much for this plump morsel?

I'll take 10 parsecs!

Sold!

No!

Sold to Niaka for 10 parsecs.

But I'm Niaka!

But I'm Niaka!

No, I'm Niaka!

Then you all win.

Somebody just give me 10 parsecs, I don't care who.

I'll give you 20 parsecs to get us back in the ship

and blast off!

20 parsecs?

Wait a minute, Ham Sanders,

a deal's a deal.

Zip it, Niak!

Well, I need to think this through.

Let's think it through in the cockpit, yeah?

Ham Sanders, if you renege,

you better never show your sheet metal on this planet again!

Is that a threat?

It's a promise!

Well,

you Niakas have been outbid.

20 parsecs wins.

Pay up, Squeak.

Um, can I pay you when we get back

to Space Guardian headquarters?

All right.

We won't forget this, Ham Sanders.

If you ever have the bolts to come back to Niak,

it's the junk pile for you, mister.

I can't even remember why I came here in the first place!

I'm not sure I could even find my way back.

Let's go, Commander, time's a-wastin'.

If you say so.

Thanks for not leaving me with those Niakas, Commander.

I knew you wouldn't sell me out.

Oh, we forget Marlenia!

She's in grave danger!

The Niakas are holding her captive!

We must go back.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no!

We can't go back.

Remember what they said?

They'll sell you for parts, and they'll have me for lunch!

A hero shows no fear, Private.

We're at war, and I never leave a soldier behind.

We're not at war.

Marlenia's safe.

I had dinner with her just the other night.

Nonsense!

I'll show you, we'll call her right now.

Just whatever you do, don't take us back to Niak.

Telemaginator, Telemaginator?

Ah-ha, this craft's Telemaginator is hardwired

to respond to my voice commands only!

Fine, just call her, and I'll prove she's okay.

Telemaginator.

Yes, Commander Ham Sanders?

Patch me through to Marlenia Sheep.

Do you mean Marlenia,

the galactic rebel of the Crutonian army?

That's the one!

Connecting to Marlenia.

Thank you!

Well, if it isn't my favorite duo.

What are you two doing back together, saving the universe?

Actually, uh...

Marlenia, are you all right?

Have they hurt you?

Has who hurt me?

Those blasted Niakas!

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Marlenia, have you intercepted any distress signals

from Space Guardian headquarters?

No, why?

Is there trouble?

Big trouble!

Tartar III has developed a device

that can obliterate the entire universe

with the push of a button!

He attacked us and disabled our ship.

Well, that and Professor Mucus blew up his lab again.

Anyway, the Guardians are stranded in space

while Ham Sanders and I try to catch Tartar!

Oh, no!

This is the first time hearing of this!

If you could locate the Guardians

and help them get the ship up and running,

I'd owe you a big one.

Oh, threaten me with a good time, why don't you?

I'm on it, I'll let you know when I find them.

Are you two gonna be okay

chasing after Tartar by yourselves?

Okay?

I defeated 600 radioactive Stardust Phantoms by myself

when I was separated from my platoon

during the War of Saturn's Two Moons.

I know, Commander.

You remind me every time I see you.

Thanks a million, Marlenia.

Yeah, yeah, you owe me another dinner for this, Squeak.

Deal!

I know a great Italian bistro on Planet Niak.

We could all go!

No!

No.

What, is three a crowd?

And then I had to think fast,

so what I did is I camouflaged myself

as the ship's exhaust tubing.

I stood real still and watched those space crabs

crawl right by me.

I can still see their gigantic pincers

mere inches from my throat.

I still get the nightmare sometimes,

but I will say the whale oil helps with that.

Squeak?

Huh?

What?

Up and at 'em, Private.

It looks like we have a visitor.

Well, what have we here?

A couple of haters?

A couple of haters!

A couple of Guardians is more like it.

Space Guardians, we're comin' for you, Tartar!

There's nowhere to run and nowhere to hide!

Ooh!

I'm scared, little blue shrimp!

Quakin' in my hooves over the justice

you're about to meet out.

You'd better be, you fat reindeer.

I'm a veteran, you know?

I was taking shrapnel in war-torn galaxies

and solar systems before you were learning

to walk on your knock knees.

You wanna go, tin man?

What?

He's attacking!

We're hit!

I've raised our defense shields,

but they can only withstand so much.

Return fire, we have to return fire!

See that button to your left?

Yeah.

Press it!

Take that!

That's it?

And I thought your precious Space Guardian ship was weak.

What have you got there, pea shooters?

Oh-ho, you want to try something stronger, do you?

Try this.

Colonel Rough, I've kept it from the rest of the crew

as best I can, but I'm going to level with you.

I'm concerned about our chances here.

Captain, if it's worth anything,

I don't believe Tartar III would actually press that button.

I think the big moose is bluffing.

I hope you're right.

Either way, one thing's for sure,

until we fix this ship, we're not guardians

of nothin' out here.

We're just space sittin' ducks.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Just your friendly neighborhood space rebel.

I hear my Guardians are in a bit of a jam.

You heard right.

Good to see you again, Marlenia.

How have you been?

Better than you.

Tartar III, huh?

Aye.

He turned into a big problem right quick.

Think he's gonna push the button?

Not if we have anything to add.

Well, let's get you back into the equation.

That's music to my ears!

You have nice ears.

Flattery will get you everywhere, my dear.

First thing's first, let's pop the hood

and get you guys operational.

Have a go, miss.

Commander, our boosters are damaged!

Our reserve fuel tanks are ruptured!

Our radar detection is disabled!

What's the other guy look like?

Ugly.

Dagnabbit, I just bought this ship!

Hang on, Commander, there's a call coming through.

It's Captain Ganymede!

How goes it, Agent Squeak?

Any luck locating Tartar?

I'd say we're havin' a lotta luck, Captain.

Is that an alarm I hear?

No, alarms here.

We're just playing our music loud.

We're rocking out.

Thanks for checking in, Captain.

We'll inform you of any news.

Over and out.

Hey!

You dumped the Captain!

That's right.

In case you haven't noticed,

we kind of have a lot going on right now.

But the Captain's in charge!

Is the Captain in this firefight with us?

Well, no.

Then we're in charge!

Keep firing, Squeak!

Cease fire, Guardians.

That's the Cosmic Inflator.

If he pushes that button, we all go boom!

Better do as the fat reindeer says.

Now, wasn't that easy?

I could get used to this.

I utter commands, and you Space Guardians obey.

Don't get used to it.

Yeah, fatso!

Okay, you know what?

Where's Commander Ham Sanders?

What have you done with him?

I'd like to say I blasted him

into minuscule metallic dust particles

and he's floatin' for all eternity in Saturn's fourth ring,

but sadly, that's not so.

It's just a nifty little function

of my Cosmic Inflator, shrimp.

I can make objects explode,

or I can make objects implode, whichever I choose.

I imploded your creaky little rust bucket friend

into a junk particle too small for the eye to even see,

like a super-powered junkyard metal compactor.

Crunch!

Wait a minute, I've seen this before.

You can't get rid of Commander Ham Sanders like that!

He's a...

A hologram!

Shut the front door!

What?

Is the airlock open?

We'll be sucked into outer space!

The airlock is fine, Squeak.

Read your control settings.

Oh, nice try, Tartar.

The joke's on you.

My original machinery was obliterated

in the space battle of 10...

10,000,054.

I remember now.

How 'bout this, I'll press the red button

and initiate a second Big Bang,

destroying everything in the universe

in the blink of an eye, your hologram included.

Nothing survives!

If you do that, you'll destroy yourself too!

What kind of a villain would I be

if I wasn't willing to perish for the cause?

A smart one.

Shut up, metal mouth.

Good one, Commander.

No, it wasn't!

It wasn't good at all!

It was stupid, like you!

No, you're stupid!

Squeak, your mind is powerful,

more powerful than you realize.

Remember how you defeated crazy Robo Cat?

Don't let him distract you.

Focus, concentrate!

Huh?

Focus, concentrate!

Activate the power of your mind.

Oh, okay.

Here goes nothin'.

Oy vey!

How's it coming, Marlenia?

Can we be rebooted, or will we have to abandon ship?

I'll have you Guardians back in action shortly, Captain.

Just a bit more booster work

and a few more optical fibers to connect.

Right then, keep us posted.

Squeak, Squeak!

I've repeatedly attempted to contact Agent Squeak,

but he isn't answering.

Gentlemen, I fear Commander Ham Sanders

may have gone rogue once again.

This is what I was afraid of.

I knew we shouldn't have called in that bucket of bolts

a second time.

It was my judgment call, Professor,

and frankly, none of you wanted to work with Squeak,

so I had no choice.

He couldn't go it alone.

Young Squeak can work miracles

if only he trusts his mind's eye.

Well, for the sake of the universe,

let's hope that shrimp's trusting his mind's eye

like crazy right now.

Squeak!

Squeak!

Can you hear me?

My boy, think of what you want the most right now.

Actualize your imagination, don't break concentration!

And whatever you do, don't think about food, Squeak.

Remember our mission, do not think about food!

Concentrate

on the mission.

The mission!

What the shooting stars?

Where did he come from?

Ah, Agent Squeak has finally harnessed the power

of his mind.

Squeak, can you hear me?

Squeak, it's Captain Ganymede.

Can you hear me?

He teleported his image to us,

but has not linked his consciousness.

We must make his subconscious mind

aware of his surroundings.

How do we do that?

Speak of something he has a strong reaction to.

It will awaken his senses and engage him with us.

Squeak, the universe is still in peril.

Have you located the Cosmic Inflator?

That won't do it.

Try this.

Agent Squeak, dinner's ready!

Mm, I'm starving!

What are we having?

Something good, I'm sure.

It'll be ready in a minute.

What brings you back here to us, Squeak?

The mission!

Have you news to report?

We found Tartar III, or he found us.

What about the Cosmic Inflator?

Where is it now?

With Tartar, I think he's about to press the button.

That isn't helpful at all!

Squeak, where is your physical body located right now?

Our ship is nearly operational.

We can catch up to you and join the fight

if you need reinforcements.

I'm in Commander Ham Sanders's ship.

I know, Squeak, but where?

Where can we find Ham Sanders?

Ham Sanders was blasted to smithereens

in the space battle of 10,000,54,

and his parts are scattered throughout the Rubian Galaxy.

It would take a long time to collect them all.

In this state, Squeak is captive to his literal mind.

To receive the proper answer,

we must ask it a proper question.

Right, Squeak, tell us where we can find

your physical body right now!

In Commander Ham Sanders's ship.

I can't, I just can't!

This shrimp's mind is the blackest of black holes.

Agent Squeak, exactly where is the ship located now?

Right next to Tartar III's ship,

at the edge of the star cluster,

near the wormhole.

That's Admiral Tumble's jurisdiction.

They're facing off!

This is it then.

Marlenia, come in!

How are those repairs coming, sweetheart?

Finishing up now, Captain.

Your boosters should be operational in just a sec.

Squeak, you're back!

Don't forget that dinner you promised me.

Dinner!

Greetings, Admiral Tumble.

I hope this transmission finds you well.

I'd be a star side better

if a certain captain I know paid his debts.

Come on now, old chap.

That old card game was an astro year ago.

An astro year, 20 cosmo minutes, and 45 meteor seconds.

What's your point?

Can we let bygones be bygones then?

It depends if you're ready

to hand over that ship of yours.

Space Guardian duty requires a proper craft for the job.

You know that!

And you know you lost that hand fair and square.

I never argue that, Admiral Tumble.

And you know what your wager was.

We played lots of hand and wagered lots that day.

You wagered your ship, Captain,

the very one you're transmitting from as we speak.

No, if I recall correctly, I wagered a ship,

not necessarily this ship.

Well, you have a ship for me.

I could use it.

My nucleotoid turbo thrusters are shot

after navigating the meteor shower

last.

I'm practically the equivalent of an outer space

row boat out here.

One more comet dust storm and I'll come apart at the bolts.

That's a jam.

I feel guilty asking for a favor.

A favor?

Ha, you must be desperate!

Not desperate, just looking for an edge.

The fate of the universe hangs in the balance!

Hmm.

You always did like you some high stakes, Captain Ganymede.

I see some things never change.

Old habits die hard.

So what do you say, old chap?

Help a bloke out for old time's sake?

Afraid not.

Been burned one too many times

for my liking by you, Ganymede.

I got no help to offer.

Admiral, what would you say if I told you

there was a great big spacecraft in it for you?

I'd say where do we start?

Squeak, are you still alive?

I need you back, my boy.

Squeak, can you hear the sound of my voice?

Huh, what?

Who's there?

Ham Sanders!

Ham Sandwich?

Whoa, that was trippy!

If you say so, Private.

How did I do?

It was a complete failure.

Oh.

An utter waste of time.

Well, don't mince words, or anything.

I'm not, and we're still facing a big fat reindeer

with his hoof on the button.

I told you, I'm not a reindeer!

Look at him, he's unstable, on the edge.

The universe could explode at any moment!

I think I'd rather be surrounded by tacos.

Dream on, shrimp!

You won't have tacos, or anything else for that matter.

You'll be reduced to a speck of dust,

floating in the nothingness that used to be your world.

Wow, that's some nihilistic stuff!

Uh-huh, he clearly wasn't raised right.

Didn't have any friends, I'd imagine.

All this coming from a misfit space crossing guard

and a senile outdated hologram!

What a joke!

Are you seeking attention?

Is that what this is about?

Yes, did your reindeer herd not love you growing up?

For the last time, you glorified socket wrench,

I am not a reindeer!

I am Tartar III, destroyer of the universe!

Oh, there's something to be proud of!

I'll be more than proud, shrimp.

I'll be legendary.

They'll write books about me, make movies,

tell spooky bedtime stories.

I'll be a Halloween costume!

Wait, how will any of that happen if everything is gone?

He's got a point, reindeer.

You'll be forgotten, like you never existed.

There won't be anyone to tell your story,

and no kids to scare at bedtime.

There won't be anything at all.

You're still not thinking this through.

If you want to scare people with your evil deeds,

there needs to be some people around to scare.

Fine, Space Guardians, you want it?

You've got it.

There are different settings to my Cosmic Inflator,

different options.

We'll just start smashing worlds together.

How 'bout them apples?

A big game of planetary bumper cars.

Sound fun?

Not really.

Too bad.

Get a load of this!

No!

No!

Fun, isn't it?

I hear they just opened a Crazy Comet Coffee Shop too.

Lots of spilled lattes!

Oh, but we won't stop there.

Hang on, Guardians!

Crikey, the planets are smashing up!

We're out of time!

Warp speed, Guardians!

You blasted scoundrel,

those are worlds you're destroying!

I know!

Isn't it wild?

Squeak!

Ham Sanders!

Guardian headquarters is operational.

We're headed your way with backup!

Thank heavens!

Tartar's forcing planets to collide, Captain!

There's nothing we can do to stop him!

That's where you're wrong, Squeak.

You're the only one who can stop him!

You must think.

Oh, great, we're doomed!

I knew I should have left you with the Niakas.

Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Commander.

The Guardians have faith in you, Squeak.

You've saved us once before.

You can do it again!

I hope you're right, Captain.

We'll be there shortly, agent.

Stay strong and fight the good fight.

I don't like being cut off, Guardians,

especially while I'm showing off my new toy.

Here's what happens when you don't pay attention.

Egads, he is pining for attention,

like a petulant overgrown baby reindeer!

Keep running your metal mouth, Commander.

I can smash planets till there are none left.

Maybe I'll send a couple your way, hmm?

See how your tiny little spaceship likes that.

No, please stop, Tartar!

He'll be quiet.

Bah!

Agent Squeak,

use your mind's eye to combat Tartar.

He is contrarian.

You can confuse him by agreeing with his plan.

It will buy valuable time.

Uh, okay.

How about Venus and Uranus next?

What did you call me?

Those sound like great picks, Tartar!

Smash 'em up!

What?

What?

You've distracted him

from his intentions, Agent Squeak.

Keep it up.

That's a great idea!

Hey, hey, ho, ho!

Venus and Uranus got to go!

Boom, boom, boom!

My boy, have you lost your mind?

What's gotten into you, shrimp?

I'm just impressed, Tartar.

Your planetary picks are perfect!

You want to join my fantasy apocalypse league?

Hmm, when do you play?

Every Thursday.

Won't work, I raid and pillage

sub-solar systems on Thursdays

to prepare for my big attacks on the weekends.

Oh, well, I can move it to Wednesdays.

You got a mind for this.

You'd be a real asset.

I don't believe what I'm hearing.

Don't try to war game me, shrimp.

I'm Tartar III, not some little gamer geek.

Now, back to the business at hand.

I think I'll spare Venus and Uranus

for Neptune and Pluto!

No!

Now is the time, Squeak.

Do not focus on Tartar's words,

but rather, focus on that which you love.

See not the stars but what you want the stars to be.

Um, I think I understand.

Popcorn!

Popcorn makes everything better.

Fluffy!

Buttery!

Delicious popcorn!

That's it, Squeak!

Now, focus harder.

Think of the object you're really after.

Now think of what you really want that object to be.

Candy canes!

The object!

Locate the object, Squeak.

I'm trying, I'm trying!

Lollipops!

Squeak, focus.

Locate the object.

Then transform the object.

Locate, transform.

Locate and transform!

There it is, the Cosmic Inflator!

Turn it in to what you want it to be.

Will it to transform into that which you desire most of all.

Tacos!

My goodness!

What?

No!

Where is my Cosmic Inflator?

What's happening?

You've met your match, Tartar!

Say hello to the Space Guardians!

Ganymede, you're nothing more

than an intergalactic mall cop!

How did you fix that hunka junk ship of yours?

No matter, I'll finish the job right now.

You'll do nothing of the sort, Tartar.

Your ship is in my airspace.

And you're not welcome here.

What?

No!

Yeah, Tartar, you're finished!

Kiss your nefarious plan goodbye!

Nefarious?

You don't normally talk like that.

I'm impressed, Squeak.

Where did you learn a word like nefarious?

I don't know, I musta heard it somewhere.

Did I use it right?

Oh, yeah!

It works well.

Cool!

Tacos?

I hate tacos!

Good, that's more for me.

Admiral Tumble, fire when ready!

So long, Tartar!

May we never meet again.

No!

Well, Agent Squeak, you've done it again.

That's right, I can hardly believe it, but it's true!

You're some kind of hero, shrimp.

Aw, shucks, I was just doin' my job.

It's what being a Space Guardian's all about.

Hey, speaking of Space Guardians,

why don't you give a warm welcome to our newest member,

Admiral Tumble!

Howdy, Space Guardians.

It's good to be here, aboard a real spacecraft.

Thanks for allowing me to retire mine, finally.

Oh, and Captain, consider that debt paid in full.

Welcome, Admiral, and thanks for all your help out there.

We couldn't have done it without you.

You're being modest, young, uh,

man.

Uh, shrimp.

Ah, yes, shrimp!

At any rate, you seemed to be handling things just fine

before I came along.

I can only hope to be half the Space Guardian that you are.

You set the bar high, Agent Squeak.

Well, thanks, Admiral, but I didn't do it alone.

Hold on, Admiral!

We got us another call coming in.

Confound it, where in tarnation is that mission room?

I can't find anything in this big spaceship.

Use your portable nightlight

and follow the arrows, Commander.

Madness, how do you people find your way around this ship?

I've played virtual reality games that are easier than this!

We spend a right lot of time out here, Commander.

Practice makes perfect.

Well, I give up!

After wandering around trying to find you all,

my head is spinning like a top!

Oh, I have a trick for that.

Focus on one object.

It'll keep you balanced.

Huh?

What are you supposed to be, one of those moon marsupials?

He's a space Swirlagug, Commander.

A ranked Swirlagug.

Colonel Rough at your service.

Rough's a colleague, Commander.

You'll get to know him well.

That is, if you'll accept a room and join us.

Join you?

The Space Guardians?

You can't be serious.

But we are, Commander Ham Sanders!

The Space Guardians always have room

for a leader of your expertise, Commander.

We'd like you to think it over while you're resting.

Uh, how long are your work days?

Work days, what work days?

Space Guardians are never off duty.

Ha, you see what I mean?

No, thank you!

I'm an old robot, I need my sleep.

And besides, I'm not really here, remember?

'Sup, Guardians?

Marlenia!

My favorite space rebel.

So good to see you!

Ship running smooth, Captain?

You know it is!

Our eternal gratitude for your help, miss.

Well, eternity's a long time.

I only need, like, a couple of hours.

Mind if I borrow an agent?

Which one?

The cute one over there.

Squeak, you owe me another dinner date,

and I already made our reservations.

We're kind of in the middle of a meeting, Marlenia.

About what, slapping each other's backs?

The bad guy's vanquished, your ship's back in action,

and you've got new members.

What's left to talk about?

Um...

Agent Squeak, get outta here.

Yes, Captain, right away!

Just call me if you need me.

I'll be at, uh...

Mastrano's, of course!

Mastrano's, my favorite!

They just opened a location on Planet Niak.

Why don't we all go?

I have credit there.

We'll eat for free!

No!

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ World goes wild, whoo ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Come on, I'm not dying ♪

♪ We're dancing in the street ♪

♪ There's nothing left to eat ♪

♪ We're on a winning streak ♪

♪ Going out in style ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ World goes wild, whoo ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I hear you ♪

♪ I'm not dead yet ♪

♪ Get outta here ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Break out the hand grenades ♪

♪ You know it's time to play ♪

♪ Explosions to the brain ♪

♪ Going out in style ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ World goes wild, whoo ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I said wild ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ World goes wild, whoo ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ World goes wild, whoo ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ World goes wild ♪

♪ Yeah, whoo ♪