All language subtitles for Rake - 04x07 - Episode 7.-W4F (PDTV), -BTN (WEB-DL).English.orig.Addic7ed.com

- Open the door, Greene!
- Melissa!

Melissa!

I'm a little surprised.
Suddenly thrust in the spotlight.

Oh, I'm sure you'll do fine.

Just a little... ice.

Ice?!

She's a little lost, but
she said she liked me.

Of course she likes you,
she's... she's a drug addict!

- I feel guilty.
- Why?

Because I'm really happy
and Barney's a mess

and I feel like shit about it.

Dinner and drinks? With who?

Jack Claymore.

Jack Claymore?

The truth is, he killed her.

Now, this trial always smacked
as being a political trial,

and it's cost me a lot.

You know what? I don't much
feel like cooking dinner tonight.

So I was thinking takeaway.

Let's get in the car and go for a drive.

OK, guys, settle in.

Why can't I sit in the front?

Not tonight.

Buckle up.

We got chicken wings in the fridge.

G'day, mate.

Kids.

- Where are you taking them, Barney?
- Where are you going, mate?

He's taking us out for dinner, Nicole.

But we've got chicken wings inside.

Barney?

Hey, come inside, guys. I think
your dad isn't feeling so well.

Come on, I'll cook you
up some chicken wings.

So where the hell were you taking them?

I'm not sure.

Going to get them some food

and maybe drop them off
at Scarlet's folks' place.

OK, well, did you call
them, Scarlet's folks?

No.

Would they be OK to have them?

They love 'em. They never go anywhere.

OK, well, look, let me take them there

and Cleaver can stay here with you.

Oh, yeah, I'm not going anywhere.

I've got a kilo and a
half of chicken here,

and I got a lesbian ex-wife at home.

I'm... I'm good.

I wasn't going to hurt them,
if that's what you both think.

OK.

Well, look, I'll... I'll go and
get them to pack a few things,

and we can talk tomorrow.

What about yourself, mate?

- What do you mean?
- After you'd dropped the kids off.

What were you thinking of doing?

They need you, Barnyard. They're
not going to bring themselves up.

I wish that balloon had
just kept floating...

.. forever.

Never touched the ground again.

Are you going to be alright here?

I don't care how miserable this knob is.

Give me your worst, mate.

Compared to the bloody fallopian
melodrama I'm enduring at home,

this is a daydream.

Oh, don't forget you're in court at
three tomorrow. You've got Cowper.

Oh, Cowper!

Oh... there goes the daydream.

I weep, I mourn, I yearn for the
days when we had proper laws.

Harsher, more fulsome laws to
deal with the sort of heinous crime

we have had paraded
before the bench today.

Because, Jeffrey Argyle, if
our society had not given sway

to the mealy-mouthed liberal toadies

that infect all levels of
this country's administration,

I would take pleasure in sentencing you

to a life of hard labour,
with no hope of parole.

You, sir, would never see sunlight again.

You would never feel the
soft caress of a woman's hand

stroking your thigh,

or the sweet breath on your cheek
of the child upon your knee.

I would have preferred
to serve on the bench

at a time when the death
sentence was an option.

But, alas...

.. Jeffrey Argyle, the fact
that you pleaded guilty

to being drunk and
disorderly in a public place

does you no service with me.

As we have travailed through
your pathetic attempt

to defend the indefensible,

by cowering behind a guilty
plea, makes me shudder.

♪ Ooh, hang down your head Tom Dooley

♪ Hang down your head and cry

♪ Hang down your head Tom Dooley

♪ Poor boy, you're going to... ♪

Oh, morning.

Ah, these ones, Your Honour.

Morning.

Ah, good morning, Your Honour.

Are you before me today, Browne?

Ah, yes, yes, Your Honour,
I have that privilege.

Oh.

Wouldn't Your Honour perhaps feel
more comfortable in his trousers?

Ah, I have a very full day ahead.

- Cleaver.
- Jeffrey.

I'm nervous. I've never
faced a court before.

I'm told they tend to
go easy on first timers.

What's going on here?

Usual feel-good story.

Some arsehole who strangled his wife.

What about you? Looks like
you've been through the mill.

Oh, God, I just had a guy go down for
four years for drunk and disorderly.

We had the Honourable
Justice Cowper presiding,

the recent recipient of the King
George III Award for Mental Clarity.

He's got a bit of a reputation,
hasn't he, the old Cowper?

He's basically nude from
the waist down, most days.

I mean, we're pretty lucky
to find him in Y-fronts.

Cowper is a big part of everything
wrong with justice in this state,

and there is a lot wrong
with justice in this state.

That man basically had two
career paths open to him --

institutionalised care or the bench.

How anybody expects a fair trial

while the deranged and the mentally
enfeebled are running the show

is an abiding mystery.

Every time Cowper opens his mouth,

you feel a little part of
your brain leak out your arse.

Have you complained about him?

Who are you going to complain to?

Half the judges in the state are
as demented and pantless as he is.

If the public realised what
was going on in chambers,

there would be a coup.

Tell me you got that.

You can tell him that unless
he sticks to the narrative,

he can forget my help on election day.

I'm going to leave him hanging
like dead meat on a hook.

You know what? The other thing.

I'm not making another phone call
for him until he pays his bills.

Sorry.

- Does this ever stop?
- Oh!

I'm so sorry. I just wanted
a chilled afternoon with you.

- Well, you could turn it off.
- Might just do that.

I don't know if I'm comfortable
with this in public yet.

Well, lucky we're not
in Saudi Arabia, then.

Do you know, though, I
heard that in these parts,

it's the new height of fashion.

Sapphic is apparently the new straight.

Oh, God. Is that what I am?

See, I don't know if our
connection is just physical

or a result of incredibly
bad choices in men.

Well, I am choosing to believe the former

and I'm very happy to keep trying
to make you see that as well.

You know, it can't be
much help when you have

one of those ex-husbands
still living with you.

I mean, refusing to move out!

You know the French have the perfect
word for men like that -- 'escroc'.

There's no direct translation,

but I really think Cleaver's
one of them, don't you?

Um... I might, if I knew what it meant.

That's a very good point. Um...'escroc'.

They... I don't know, they...
they tend to hold people back.

Am I being held back?

I want change.

I want it to mean something.

Then let's make it mean something.

Oh, Jack, you wouldn't
leave your consultancy.

Yes, I would.

I'm sick of all the power
games, the manoeuvring.

You name it, we'll go there.

Yeah, but I don't want to live in
a big city like Tokyo or New York.

No, no, no, no, I mean, I'm
talking somewhere like,

I don't know, um... the Bay of Islands.

- Oh... - The Kiwi Prime
Minister's a mate.

- No!
- Or we could just do Tuscany.

I would chuck in everything for you.

- In a heartbeat.
- Are you serious?

I don't know how many
times I can tell you this.

I've never found anyone to replace you.

Ooh, there they are!

My two most favourite people
in the whole wide world!

I'm so glad you could come.

Hey, Mum.

- Wendy?
- Yes?

Hold that thought.

What do you want now?

You happy with the wine, Cleave?

Mm. Yeah, it's fine, thanks, Dave.

If you'd like to move on to
something else, just say the word.

They have a very good cellar here.

Happy where I am.

'Cause I don't mind.

It's all good. All good, thank you.

Least I can do.

Ah, did I tell you the
party's come back to me?

Offered me fourth place
on their Senate ticket.

Anybody ever get voted
in from fourth place

on a Senate ballot, mate?

Occasionally they do.

They probably just offered
it up out of pity, or guilt.

Most likely.

They're a pack of bastards, anyway.

Why would anybody ever go
into federal politics, mate?

I mean, you'd have to be
farming mad... or my sister.

- But I've repeated myself.
- Well, maybe.

Still, it's a way forward for me.

And you? What's the future hold for you?

Oh, well, more of the
glittering same, I suppose.

Judges without trousers.

Oh, you've had Cowper.

I'll continue to defend the indefensible.

Letting people out on the streets
who should be locked up for life.

Oh, mate, this is dreadful.

I mean, this is terrible, isn't it?

Apart from being
inexplicable sperm brothers,

we have absolutely
nothing in common, do we?

Not a thing.

This is a waste of a perfectly good lunch.

Certainly is for me.

I mean, these are minutes
we'll never get back.

- I just thought I should thank you.
- Well, you paid me. Enough.

I am grateful.

Yeah, but don't let your gratitude

get in the road of our
long-term misunderstanding.

I mean, it's creepy. It's freaking me out.

Do you mind if I take
this to another table?

Oh, please. Thank you.

- Oh, yes.
- Could I sit here?

Mate, could I get something
else? Anything else?

This is complete cat's piss.

Nicole, will you kindly
accompany me, please?

No! How do I know you're
not a weird serial killer?

Here.

"The first thing she will ask is,

"'How do I know you're
not a serial killer?'

"Tell her to learn to trust."

Bevan?

Mama!

Mama!

No, I'm closing the
door. Watch your fingers.

Oh, my God! Who are you?

You were never this stylish.

- I'm a changed man.
- Yes, you are.

And it was you who changed me.

Ahh!

Here.

Oh, thank you very much. Lovely.

OK, under this one...

- .. we have simple sliced fruit.
- Right.

- This, Tasmanian oysters.
- Beautiful.

And... poached barramundi.

Oh!

And in here...

.. 24-carat ruby setting.

So for the second time, Nicole Vargas...

.. will you bloody marry me?

Oh, my God.

Are you sure that this is what you want?

I mean, I completely stuffed
you around the last time.

You did.

But I have wanted you ever since
we first met 16 years ago.

But this time, no big church wedding.

A beach maybe.

What do you say?

I'm sorry.

OK, OK, it's safe now?

- Go ahead.
- Righto.

Oh, my goodness, Bevan.

Yes?

Yes, yes. Yes.

You're so much better at
this than your father.

I could beat him when I was ten.

- Better at what?
- Backgammon.

Since when did you play board games?

Oh, we're all playing it now. Jack
put us onto this great new app.

It's pretty fast.

Double six!

You're so screwed.

You think you're so smart.

Why would you play backgammon on
a teensy little auditory device,

not even looking at one another,

when there's a perfectly
good board in the cabinet?

It's called the 21st century, Cleave.

Ow! No, you stop it!

Oh, I'm in the bath, Fuzz!

- It's me.
- Oh, hi, Cleave.

I need the bathroom.

Go and feed the lemon tree.

I don't think it'll want
what I've got to offer.

Sorry, we were just
having a really good soak.

Ohh!

Sid. No, he doesn't open his mouth

unless it's to say exactly
what I put in there, OK?

- We're going to the theatre.
- Ooh.

Thought they invented film to get
around the problem of theatre.

- You too, huh?
- Really?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's been part
of my regime for a while now.

Is Jack... Jack coming?

No, she's on a conference call with DC.

DC? Wonder what that stands for.

- The mind boggles.
- Enjoy your run.

I'll pace you.

I like to... run in bursts, and
then pull it right back, you know.

You get a better cardio...

You're probably just
burning off muscle now.

Did a couple of... couple of extra
loops and came back around the lake.

Oh, God!

So...

Is this stuff with you and
Jack bullshit or bullshit?

It's none of your business.

Well, I think I've got
some rights, haven't I?

No, you don't. You don't have any rights.

Well, I mean, is it just a sort
of brief, city break vacation

on the Isle of Lesbos, or have you
crossed over the River Penis forever?

- Ohh!
- Huh?

I'll do a... couple of extra
loops and I'll see you at home.

Fuckin' ibises.

That last 5 kays is a killer, isn't it?

Oh, my God!

I know, right? The Japanese!
They're just, like, crazy.

Hey, Cleave, Jack's got us some
croissants, if you want one.

Oh, what happened to all your kale
and compost and keen... keen...

.. quina-whoa-ha shakes?

Oh, I think my Wendy deserves a
treat every now and then, don't you?

Mmm.

You have just run 8 kay, and I
think you look bloody stunning.

So I got these croissants
from a market in Moore Park.

Oh, God, I love that place.

Well, the four of us
should go next market day.

Yes.

And you can come too if you like, Cleaver.

So, what, there are farmers in Moore Park

growing acres of fresh
croissants, are there?

Hectares now, Cleave.

I was going to plant some eclairs
myself, but you need the rainfall.

Oh, very brave words,
what you said about Cowper.

- Was that wise?
- What do you mean?

How do you know what I said about Cowper?

Leading Sydney barrister Cleaver Greene

openly criticised the
state's legal system,

in particular deriding its judiciary.

At least they called you 'leading'.

Cowper is part of everything that
is wrong with justice in this state

and there is a lot wrong
with justice in this state.

- That man...
- Ooh, brave words indeed.

I thought you weren't allowed
to say stuff like this?

Yeah, how is this going to go
down with the Bar Association?

Well, I didn't know she
was recording, obviously.

How could you not notice the cameras?

.. mentally enfeebled are running
the show is an abiding mystery.

Every time Cowper opens his mouth,

you feel a little part of
your brain leak out your arse.

Oh, no.

You can't deny saying it.

It's all over the net for
the whole world to see.

Yeah, look, I...

.. I thought I was having a
private conversation with a...

You spoke to a reporter, a
cameraman and a microphone.

Unconscionable behaviour.

Uncons...

Have... Have any of you
spent any time recently

in the company of the
Honourable Justice Cowper?

He is a judge of the highest standing.

He's a man who forgets to put
his trousers on in public.

He just gave my client four
years for drunk and disorderly.

Which was later suspended.

Oh, so that's your defence, is it?

What, you get a lunatic judgement

and then you get a sane
judge to suspend it?

Is that our system at work?

The simple fact, Mr Greene,

is that you have once again
brought this bar into disrepute.

Your behaviour is unconscionable.

Look, OK, fine, fine.
What am I up for, a month?

Mr Greene, we are terminating
your membership of this bar.

Terminating?

Oh, come now, Mr Greene,
you're a barrister.

You ought to know the meaning of the word.

Or should I say, you were a barrister.

- No.
- Yes.

- Well, you can't... You can't!
- We can.

- And we have.
- Are you fuckin' kidding me?

You suspended me once for two months

for being in possession of
coke in the court toilets,

which is an actual crime,

and now you're going to... going
to take away my whole livelihood

for speaking the truth!

Honestly, the first time I've
ever actually publicly given a shit

about the parlous state
of this profession,

and you fruit bats are
gonna do this to me?

Farewell, Mr Greene,
for the very last time.

And the question is, how long do we
tolerate these helmeted creatures,

these lycra-clad lunatics
weaving in and out of our cars,

slowing traffic to a misery

and spitting at us if, God forbid,

we accidentally open a car
door and collect one of 'em.

But joining me now on the
program, back by popular demand,

is the, may I say, lovely Jane Greene.

Welcome back, Jane.

Delighted to be here, Cal.

Really? That's... That's
very nice to hear that.

Jane, I know thousands of our
viewers were very excited

about hearing your
policy stance last time.

Oh, not just mine, the whole party's.

I hope this recent brouhaha with
your brother hasn't caused...

You know, Cal, my brother has no politics.

I don't know what he
thinks about anything.

And I'd like to talk today
about the absurdity of fracking

on the last few acres of
arable land in this country.

Yep, sure, sure. I want to
get on to fracking with you.

But your brother's recent comments
about a judge of very high standing

must have been a bit of a shock for you?

No, he's been causing trouble
ever since he was five.

He tried to burn down our local
high school when he was 13.

Good God, then you were the
good one of the family.

I got up to a bit of mischief myself.

Oh, yeah, what sort of mischief?

Not telling you, Cal.

You know, I'm beginning to think

you might be a bit of a wild one yourself.

My researchers tell me
you're not married anymore.

Divorced, a year ago.
My daughter's left home.

Very much on my own.

I've a lot of free time to
devote to the issue of fracking.

On arable land.

I'm Cal McGregor. We'll be right back.

Mr McGregor. There's a call for you.

- Fuck off!
- Oh, you!

These stairs will always
be our green room.

Oh, you're a poet!

- Nicole Vargas?
- Yep.

Caitlin Farquhar. I'm trying to
locate Cleaver Greene for a comment.

- Yeah, what about?
- About him being disbarred.

- What?
- Haven't you heard?

No.

He let rip about Judge Cowper.

Well, yeah, who wouldn't? The
man is a trouserless idiot.

Yeah, then he went to dump
on the entire judiciary.

Hang on, how did you even get my number?

Oh, my partner worked on
the Australian Story doco

on your partner, Barney.

Yeah, I'm not with Barney anymore.

Oh, that's sad.

Um, sorry, I thought you
guys were the real thing,

the way he spoke about you.

No, I wasn't in that doco.
That was all about his ex.

Yeah, you didn't make the final cut

but he rabbited on about you for hours.

And you... What, they
didn't use any of it?

Oh, well, no. Go figure.

Um, so Cleaver Greene.
I need to speak to him.

You... You get me that
footage of him rabbiting on,

and I will get you the hard news.

Thank you.

Oh, Cleave, sorry, sorry.

We're just having a little
bit of a joke at your expense.

You didn't tell me that you faked
a stroke for your final law exam.

We were just reliving
that very funny story.

Oh, were we? Well, you... you weren't
actually there, Jack, from memory.

Didn't get into law.

"Please, someone call an ambulance.
I'm... I'm having a stroke!"

Sociopathy major, from memory.

No, no, Cleave. Sorry,
Cleaver, mate, sorry.

No harm intended, really.

Just gotta get this. Sorry.

What, are you just sharing
my entire life story here?

We're just having a laugh.

Remember that time when you
pretended that you'd been shot

to stop that guy from
giving you a parking ticket?

I don't know this one either.

He squashed a pie and sauce on his shirt.

How'd you go at the hearing?

Ah, yeah. OK.

They... heard what I had
to say, so that's good.

Oh, hey. I'm sorry if
I offended you before.

Are you? Really?

Look, how much longer do you
think you'll be staying here?

Just a rough estimate.

It's just, I hate being the
one to have to ask you this

but Wendy is, you know...

Yeah, no, I don't.

I have a... I have a creeping sensation

that you're probably
about to tell me, though.

She was wondering, that's
all. I suppose we all are.

You are not a part of the
'we' in this house, alright?

You're not a part of the 'us'.

You are, and always will be, an 'it'.

OK.

Look, Wendy and I might
be getting back together

and I do understand the pain
that this must cause you.

The French have a wonderful
expression for it.

'La douleur exquise'. The exquisite
pain of not being loved anymore.

The French also have a
wonderful expression --

"Why don't you go and get fucked?"

But in French, obviously.

- Fuzz?
- Give me... Give me a second.

- Can I have a word? Can I come in?
- No, no, no, no, no. I'm coming.

Hey, mate, listen,

you don't mind having your old
man living here with you, do you?

- It's pretty weird, isn't it?
- Oh, well, I don't...

I mean, no weirder than
having your mum go on the lez.

- That must be pretty strange.
- I think it's pretty cool.

A lot of my friends'
mums, they're doing it.

Oh.

And you haven't been
around since I was seven

so having you just there
all of a sudden is just...

.. that's a bit weird.

Well, you were always at me
to spend more time with you.

I'm 22. What's the point now?

I don't see what difference age makes.

- No, you wouldn't.
- I mean, you know...

- Finnegan.
- Oh, shit.

Sorry, mate, I didn't realise
Monique was back in the frame.

Oh, my God!

Sorry, Cleave, we were going to tell you.

It just sort of happened.

Oh, my God, this is not happening!

I know this is going to
be hard for you to accept.

- Oh, do you think?
- We were going to tell you.

I sort of thought you
might be cool with it.

How could I be cool with...
How could I be cool with this?

There's nothing cool about this!

Finny reminds me so much of you.

It's like loving you again,
but just the good bits.

- Who's Finny? - This is Fuzz,
alright? Fuzz, my son! My son! Fuzz!

Ohh! This is unconscionable
behaviour! Oh, my God!

- Hey! Ah, shit!
- Do you mind?

- Oh, my...
- Hi, Cleave.

Do you realise that your son is in
there with my ex something or other

and you're in here with it?

- Oh, fuck me!
- Turn the light off!

What is wrong with this house?

You people are like animals!

Animals!

When were you going to
tell me you were disbarred?

Oh, probably when it sunk in, you know.

- Yeah, I'm not staying.
- Of course you're not.

Could I grab another water please, mate?

So what the hell are you going to do now?

You were barely adequate
as a lawyer, no offence.

Not sure.

I was thinking, um,

have you heard of a company
called American Express?

Thinking of taking them over,
or maybe Time Warner, something.

Mm-hm.

I don't know. If you need a reference...

Oh, God, I don't. Please, anything
but that. Don't worry about me.

I'm getting married.

Oh, well, that's good news. Oh, thank God.

He needs you.

Oh, no, not to Barney, to the first one.

To Buster?

Yep, that is right. To Buster.

What, after you dumped him
at the altar the first...

Yeah, I don't get it
either, but there it is.

- What, he's coming back for more?
- There it is.

Jesus, what's wrong with him?
Have you told Barney yet?

Hey, there's someone here to see you.

Oh, can you...

- Bye-bye, Cleave.
- Yep, see you later.

Can you not be here right now?

Ah, I'm really sorry if
I caused you a problem.

Not as sorry as I am.

You knew I was a reporter with a crew.

Unless you say it specifically,
everything will be on the record.

Even if you say it's off the record,
I will probably report it anyway

and just have a minor
ethical hiccup later.

Oh, great. Good to know.

Tell me, were you hurt by
your sister's appearance

on Cal's program?

My sister was on Cal's program?

What, has the man got
no boredom threshold?

Yeah, she wasn't exactly
polite about you, either.

Oh, I bet she wasn't.

"My brother, blah, blah... since he
was five he's been causing trouble."

Oh.

"He tried to burn down our local
high school when he was 13."

- Bullshit!
- It was a demountable and...

Is she saying this shit on
the television? Honestly!

What else?

She seemed to agree with
Cal that you were a, quote,

"Walking pustule."

- A "walking pustule"?
- Yeah.

My own sister. A "walking pustule"?

My sister Jane Greene running for
the Senate is really pretty funny.

I could get more votes than Jane
Greene by doing absolutely nothing.

I could get more votes than her

playing pool in a pub with my mouth
taped up, and I'm going to prove it.

I'm putting my name down for the Senate.

I'm going to run against
my sister, Jane Greene,

and that's my only policy, yeah?

I have nothing else to offer
the Australian public.

I've got no other opinions on anything.

I promise you, name a topic, I'll
have nothing else to say about it.

So, that's me, folks. No
ideas, no policies, no bullshit.

So you're seriously putting
your name down for the Senate?

Absolutely.

On the basis of saying nothing
and hating your sister?

That's my full campaign.

Cleaver Greene, nothing to say. In fact...

Cleaver Greene... [nothing to say.]

Get a photo. Get a photo.

How's Cleave taking it?

He's in denial. I mean, he
has no other life skills.

Never going to see a cent of
the money that he owes me now.

But the law is probably a
better place without him.

Oh, things are just changing way too fast.

Lot of things to adjust to.
Starting to see some light again.

I'll come and I'll spend some time
with Yianni in the next day or so.

Good.

Yeah, great. We'd like that.

Which makes this a little
bit difficult. Um...

Oh, I don't even know
how to tell you this.

You've met someone.

I've re-met someone.

- Bevan?
- Mmm.

Wow. He's forgiven you?

He's asked me to marry him... Again.

Oh, Barney, I... even before
Scarlet died, I... I just...

I got the feeling that you
were moving back to her.

No, no.

Right call.

OK.

Thank you very much.

- Stella, lovely to see meet you.
- Take a seat, Mr Greene.

Do you mind if I call you Cleaver?

Please, I'll pretty much
answer to anything these days.

Well, now, we are a
select employment agency,

dealing almost exclusively in the
upper end professional market.

Ooh, well, I've come
to the right place then.

We're all about fitting someone

with the right
qualifications and experience

into a position that conforms
with how they see their future.

Uh-huh.

Now, clearly your age
is a bit of a barrier.

Ohh. Well, plenty of
life in the old donk yet.

I would have thought, you know, 30
or 40 good working years ahead of me.

Ooh, you think so? I understand
you're a qualified lawyer.

Barrister, actually.

Yes, 20... 21 years of
hard slog at the bar.

So a silk, I presume?

Never applied. Not interested.

So you're sick of being a barrister?

I was an agitator. I
was a force for change.

I was the sand in the vagina of the
New South Wales Bar Association

and they didn't like it.

I was disbarred, not my fault.

There was a judge who had no pants.

So were you permanently disbarred?

You know, the New South
Wales Bar Association

seems to prefer their
judges with no pants on.

So law is not an option of any kind, then?

Not... Not... Not...
Not practising it, no.

OK, right.

Well, on the bright side,

your skills could be enormously
helpful in the corporate sector.

Your awareness of contract law...

- No.
- .. and such.

No. I'm a criminal barrister, Stella.

I'm not... I mean, corporate law...

OK. How about lecturing?

Ahh! Now that, Stella
-- that's a great idea.

Mmm.

I've been thinking about that because
I've got a head full of ideas,

head full of thoughts, lots of anecdotes.

Lots of really funny stories

that I think would fire
up a youthful imagination.

You know, get their brains firing.

So you know, a tenure at Sydney University

or even as far afield as maybe New
South Wales Uni on Anzac Parade...

Did you graduate in the
top 5% of your year?

Can't remember. Doesn't ring a bell.

But did you... Let's
say, what, the top 25%?

Oh, look, I... I wasn't...
I was never a girlie swot.

- I mean, I wasn't teacher's pet.
- Mm-hm.

I had a very... I was a very good
student, if you know what I mean.

Ah.

Well, there are a lot of universities

and I don't know, look,

maybe you'll have to consider
moving to the country.

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

It says here you were imprisoned

for being an accessory to murder.

What? No! That's... Can
you get rid of that?

That's not... It's wrong...

I mean, I was, I did a year,
but it was overturned on appeal.

Uh-huh.

- So, I mean, it wasn't my...
- Your fault. I understand.

No, not my fault. Could
you get rid of that?

No, I am going to give you a
name and address, Mr Greene.

There you go.

What? Oh, so is... is that an interview?

- Of sorts.
- Great.

Oh, cool. OK. Thank you, Stella.

- Absolute pleasure.
- Mr Greene.

- Hey, Cleaver! I'm a believer.
- Me too!

Where'd you get that?

Wow.

That is really something.

Do you drive?

Ah, well, technically I can, yeah.

So you have a car?

Ah, well, not as we sit
here and speak, no.

But you can get one?

Ah, well, there's not much point
till I get my licence back.

So no to driving, then.

Well, not just at the moment.

You're the bloke standing
for nothing, aren't you?

- What?
- I saw you.

The Senate. You're...
You're running, aren't you?

You're running for nothing
against your sister.

Oh, sorry. As you were.

But, ah, if you wouldn't mind getting
a little bit of a wriggle on,

I've got a... lot of issues
out here, lot of issues.

And you don't... you don't
really look like somebody

with too much to confess to.

But, ah, in your own time.

Hope I didn't rush you there.
I've just got a truckload of sin.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

It's been... Oh, fuck knows,
Bobby. I don't know how long.

- I'm in the shit, mate...
- It's alright. Go ahead, my son.

Who's that? That's not you, Bobby.

No, I'm Peter. I'm the junior priest.

What do you have to confess, my child?

My child? You're 11 years old.

- No, I'm 28, mate.
- Well, what use are you gonna be?

I mean, what are you gonna
be able to tell me about life,

or getting older

and watching every fuckin' dream
you ever had shrivel on the vine?

You're no use.

Well, I'm all you've
got at the moment, so...

Well, next time Bobby
decides to go on vacation

can he just give me a hoy?

Send me an SMS or something.

OK, here's the deal.

Yesterday...

.. everything went to shit and
some journo sold me down the river

and now it's all over.

OK, what's over?

My life, OK? Stay with us,
Robin. My life is over, OK?

Yesterday I was a successful barrister

and today I wake up and I've got nothing.

I've got no income.
I've got no livelihood.

I've got debts out the wazoo.

My ex-wife is shacked
up with her ex-lesbian.

My... My ex-prostitute
is shacked up with my son.

My sister, Gonorrhoea,
is running for the Senate

and slagging me off in public.

Honestly, I was more optimistic

when I was banged up in
the big house for murder.

You seem to be focusing
on yourself a lot, I feel.

Well, it is a confessional, pal.
Or have I come to the wrong address?

OK, sorry, mate, let's talk
about you for a minute,

and your merry life of abstinence.

No, I'm just saying you might
start by noticing other people.

Is that the best you can do?

Seriously? "Be kind to others"? Really?

It's not Sunday school, mate,

or do you kind of just
give up on blokes my age,

'cause we're in sort
of the too hard basket?

No. It's...

"If you stare into the abyss long enough,

"the abyss will stare back into you."

Oh, mate, don't poke Nietzsche
at me through your little grille.

I will out-Nietzsche you at five paces.

Honestly, is this what they're
teaching you in seminary school...

Did you go to seminary school

or did you just kind of do work
experience in the Vatican gift shop?

Why are you so angry?

Boning up in the greeting card section?

I'm not charging you to
listen to this shit, mate.

Why am I angry?

OK, I'm angry because my life
is over, alright? I got nothing.

I've got no wife, I've got no family,
I've got no... I've got nothing.

I've got no occupation. I've got nothing.

Well, maybe you didn't value
them enough in the first place.

Well, I'm...

.. I'm a pretty famous fuckwit.

And I know we don't value the things
that we love until we've lost them.

The law was pretty much
all I ever had, and...

.. I'm worried about what I'm going to do.

And I feel strangely as if I...
sleepwalked through the whole thing

and now it's gone.

People who live for others,
they tend to avoid this problem.

Oh, fuck.

He's off and racing again in
the 1,800m Platitude Handicap.

Bobby died six months ago, by the way.

And that elderly woman that you just
badgered out of the confessional,

she lost her only daughter
to breast cancer a week ago.

And unlike you,

she remembers every day in the
lives of those that she's loved.

I'm very sorry... for your loss.

I know it's almost midnight,

but if he wants a seat then
he needs Lyle's preferences,

which means he needs to ring
me so I can speak to the LPD

and get them to give their
preferences to the Greens, alright?

Hold that thought.

I'm ready for bed.

Jack, would you mind if you
slept at your place tonight?

Not really. Why?

- I just want a night alone.
- OK.

What's this about?

This is just about me
needing a night alone.

Mmm. OK, I understand.

I do think that you need to hear

that Cleaver, he's not a
part of our narrative.

Oh, God, can you stop with the narrative?

It's really...

It's just a meaningless word
that has absolutely no context.

OK. Wow. You're sounding like him.

- Well, occasionally he's right.
- Well, I don't want to argue.

Because I love you.

And everything is gonna be alright.

Hold that thought.

'Night.

'Night.

Well, where is he, then?

Yeah...

Maybe he meant down on the beach?

Yes, Mama, it is today. Can you...

Look, I'll call him.

Can you just please be
quiet for one second?

Bevan, where are you?

Me?

I'm in a hotel room waiting
for my ride to the airport.

What the hell is this?

Revenge. Eaten cold, with lashings
of side salad and mayonnaise.

No, you... you've gotta be kidding me.

I've been planning it ever
since you walked out on me

to live with the bald
man and his three kids.

See, how you probably feel
now? That's how it felt for me.

Really?

I wasn't lying when I said you changed me.

Before you left me I was a very good man.

I loved God, understood
my place in this world

and I was pretty
optimistic about the future.

But then when you pissed off, when
you left me high and dry, that day?

I became a bad man.

This is insane.

Yeah, maybe, but that's what happens

when you fuck with someone's heart, right?

I couldn't marry you anyway.

I'm already married, to
a nice woman in England.

Mind you, I fuck
everything that moves now.

I am a really, really bad person.

You can keep the ring, by the way.

It only cost me 9 at the Paddo Market.

Hey, how'd you go?

Do you think I was ever a good man?

OK, I'm hearing not very well.

I mean, you've known
me for a long time now.

Do you think I was ever good?

Ah, well, if by 'good' you mean
were you a conventionally nice man

who just asked nothing of the world

except to love and care for his family

then, no, you're not a
conventionally good man.

Well, what... what percentage bad
do you think we're looking at?

I mean, you know, if Hitler and
Dick Cheney are ten, am I four?

No, no, not even. More like three.

- Oh.
- Or even a two.

Sometimes you get a
little bird's-eye glimpse

of... maybe the way other people see
you and you just think, "Holy shit."

And, you know, half my life's gone.

Well, you have somewhere
to stay for a while.

There you are.

We're due at Nat's in about half an hour.

Ah, but I could always cancel
if you two need time to talk.

No, it's fine.

Scarlet was my first great love.

Oh, yeah, that'd be bloody right!

When we broke up, I was in a kind of fog.

How could anyone be that
beautiful and wonderful...

Oh, you weren't a fucking
Casanova in the sack either!

You know, I have moves.

You don't even know the
half of what I can do.

And then I met Nicole...
Oh, God, that woman, she...

I struggle for words.

She transformed my life.

I'd known her for ages

and the room always just felt
lighter when she entered.

She has this inner beauty

that starts at, I don't
know, a cellular level.

It didn't. It actually...

Shit. Fuck!

.. find people attractive,
it doesn't necessarily...

Oh, fuck!

Oh, what's with you and
all the fuckin' candles?

You're really kind of witchy, aren't you?

A word or two if I may.

What's the word? Narrative, or
some untranslatable French word...

Are you really standing for the Senate?

Yes, I'm standing for the Senate.
Why, you gonna vote for me?

I've been tracking your numbers.

Following Twitter, blog responses.

You're, frighteningly,
getting some traction.

So are cats playing blackjack.

You actually have enough ground
support to make things interesting.

Your whole 'saying nothing
meaningful about anything' schtick

is resonating with ordinary voters.

Oh look, can you just leave us alone?

Just badger me tomorrow, alright?

I mean, you must realise, right,

that you have absolutely no
future whatsoever, Cleaver.

Oh, God.

You are 'monque', as the French would say.

Oh, do they?

You have nothing, nothing to offer
anybody that they need or want.

You are not even qualified
for proper adult employment.

The door.

All of which... makes you
perfect for politics.

So, with a lot of work,

I'm prepared to try and secure you
a seat as an independent senator.

It's a six-year term, 200K plus expenses,

super scheme, Commonwealth
drivers, the lot.

Why? What's the catch?

You get the fuck out
of Wendy's and my life.

You move away, you have
nothing more to do with her

and I will move heaven and
earth to make you a senator.

You've got no other future, Cleaver. None.

Zero. Zilch.

So, do we have a deal?

If you back my call for
legalisation of polygamy,

I'd be happy to do a preference deal.

- I'm Cal McGregor.
- Say it again.

Genius.

Milk is a product of rape.

If I could've figured
out the perfect murder,

you'd be dead by now.

- Get in the car.
- Get out of the car.

Not one word, bitch!

You are the most dishonourable
piece of shit I have ever met...

Says the woman

who has four times had a paedophile
elected to the US Congress.