Original subtitles

Hello.

- Do you mind? - No, no, I'm just touching up.

- Russian Red? - Excuse me?

The color, I like it very much.

Uhm, it's just... uh.

May I?

Now... you're perfect.

- What are you doing? - What do you think I'm doing?

I know how you feel.

Wait. Thank you.

We must be stronger.

Come on.

You know he wouldn't have liked us, seeing sad.

It's true, you know the photos, he was always smiling and....

Hi honey.

I thought you weren't coming.

Yeah, well the thing with that guy... I got out of control,

but at the end resolved it.

Where were you?

I was uh... How is your aunt?

She'll get over it, she's a strong woman.

It's always the good die young...

just in his prime,

when he was going try beating the world record

diving with a cancer....

But, how old was he?

- 94. - What?

Claire.

Hey sweety... how are you?

This is not Thomas McKeany, the world diving champion?

Oh, no man, sorry.

- I missed you. - Me to. You look great.

You to.

In�s, come here.

This is my cousin.

Claire, this is my girlfriend.

Your girlfriend?

You know each other?

Hi, this is Edward Woods.

I didn't suppose to be here because I made a mistake about a death man.

- How... do you know each other? - Actually we didn't but...

Is anyone supposed to say any words or...?

Yeah me, me... I will say a few words, yeah.

May I have you attention please.

Hi, hallo?

I never met uncle Arthur,

but it's clear that he was a very...

a very healthy person... until now I mean...

Being 94,

wow... why didn't he break a hip.

Because his real problem was the hearing.

That's why he didn't hear the horn of the truck that was...

- Heavenly Father... - Who art in heaven,

hallowed be Thy Name...

- Where the fuck is that bitch?

- Aha! - What... can't be.

You thought I wouldn't find you.

Who is this lady?

Well... I have no idea.

No idea?

What about Th 10.000 dollars I lent you to publish your shitty erotic novel.

No idea about that?

- Well... - You've been writing again?

Yes, writing...

Well, I haven't reasoned anything yet, but I might have an idea

- Why didn't you tell me anything? - I don't know...

- Who is that woman? - She's my girlfriend.

Who are you?

Your girlfriend has been fucking me and

probably half the state. - What?

You fucked that slut?

And me to, earlier in the bathroom.

What?

I want my money... and I want it now!

OK, OK, can I pay you little by little?

- Are you fucking kidding? - Common, baby...

Bitch!

Drop the gun!

OK... calm down everybody... OK?

Put your guns down and we can talk about it... we can talk about this.

Bullshit! She deserves it.

What?

Common, show some respect for the soul of this poor guy.

Bitch!!!

- I shouldn't be here. - No.

You belong in Guantanamo Bay.

I understand that you're mad, OK,

but we can fix things.

I will never forgive you.

Nor will my 500 friends in the NRA.

OK Kirsten, listen to me.

You're beautiful, you're gorgeous... I mean,

I'm sure you will find someone.

I love you.

I just went through a divorce, I won't go through another one.

I thought we would gonna have a family together.

Oh God! This is America. Who does that?

Republicans.

Jesus!

Becky! Thank God, you gonna give me...

...Just to save you a trip home to pick up your stuff!

What? We can talk about this, common!

- She's mine. - She's all yours.

Perfect. She might be a lying slut but I love her.

- You shut up! - Fuck you!

Becky, I love you.

I'm gonna keep you locked up as long as the law allows me to.

I want my handgun, it's my right...

...as an American and a woman.

At least change my cell.

You not even going to say...'don't go'?

Don't go.

You'll never be capable of loving anyone!

In�s! What are you doing?

- She's going! - Come back!

Girl, it's your wedding day. I want all the details.

- Stop it. - Well, OK.

I was so looking forward to this, I can't take it anymore.

- Let's run away. - This is not a good time.

How come?

Hey...

I know someone who wouldn't be pleased.

Here you are! All of you!

Come on, they're waiting for us outside.

And you can erase that. Right now.

I'm so nervous. It's my first gay wedding.

Plus it's the wedding of my best friends. Let's go.

Smile for the camera.

- Hi. - I'm so nervous...

Lola said she was going to get married first.

These things happen, right?

- Where are the rings? - What?

- Who's got the rings? - I don't know.

You didn't leave the rings at home?

No, they're in my bag.

What a relief.

Relax, it'll all be fine.

- Pour me some wine. - Lola, stop drinking.

Go on, it's Ver�nica's wedding.

Aren't you a bit over the top?

- It's your wedding. - Exactly.

Girl...

Vero...

I need to ask you... I checked the numbers...

Not now, we're being taped.

- What numbers? - Nothing, work stuff.

- Let's toast... - A toast!

Before I go to the registry office.

A little more.

Give me the camera, you always make me look jowly.

- You're so over the top. - Give it to me.

This video will make your panties drop.

They're so gorgeous.

- Sure about what? - About what you're doing.

Doing what?

I can't drink, I have to pick up my mom.

- Just for one day. - No...

What are you dressed up as, as Christmas tree?

No, as a heterosexual.

Heteros wear lots of accessories.

Every time I sleep with one, my bed's full of earrings.

- That's true. - It's my cover.

- Lolo. - God damn it!

'Linda'! - 'Linda'. I can't get used to it.

- Get used to it! - The next one...

will be ours.

- You look pretty. - Lovely.

You make such a nice couple.

Come on, we'll be late for the registry office.

- Let's go! - Come on, let's go.

- Where's In�s? - I don't know.

In�s? Has anyone seen In�s?

- Has she gone to the bathroom? - She's leaving!

- Candela, where did you get that? - Damn!

- Sorry. - Come back!

The 'non-wedding' video. Where'd this come from?

Mom, why do you never talk about In�s?

In�s is evil, your mom had to get rid of her.

Or rather, she left you standing at the altar.

- But she was my mother too, right? - I'm your only mother.

What a nerve! We're all your mothers.

Sof�a, Lola, Linda and I all help pay for her support.

- It's a helping hand. - Yes, all 200 Euros of it.

I don't like money talk in front of my girl.

But you like getting it.

- Mom, I got a stain on me. - Let me see...

Oh, my girl, my love!

She has her period! My girl's a woman!

Her period? At 10? Isn't it a bit early?

It's never too early or too late to be a woman.

I've been ready for this since she was born.

- What are we going to do? - Have a 'period party'.

Mom, I don't want anyone to know.

Yes, you do. This weekend will be the first 'period party'.

That sounds awful.

At least call it something more poetic.

'The fertile ovary of the Red River'.

- Mom! - 'The poppy party'. How's that?

It was such a romantic date, like in the movies.

We met in a bar.

There was karaoke,

a kebab...

I told you the 'rescue' worked.

Just because all your relationships fail doesn't mean you'll always be alone.

She was just so...

so receptive.

Go on, open your mouth.

I don't think what I put in her drink had anything to do with it.

You don't need to drug women for them to like you.

When you least expect it, a special person will come along.

You just have to visualize it.

That's all.

I will. How about we go out for a caipirinha?

- Gustavo... - Or a beer.

- Don't start. - A coffee.

You're my patient, some lines we can't cross.

OK, that's it! Therapy's over.

I'm cured!

Excuse me.

Ver�nica, I told you not to call here, you disturb the energy.

Then don't answer.

I have to tell you something trivial.

- Can't we talk at home? - Javier might come to the party.

- What? - I ran into him in the street

- and Candela invited him. - Then I'm not going!

No way! We're not celebrating Candela being a woman without you.

- Gee, Ver�nica... - Look...

if you're still not over him, I'll tell him not to come.

- Of course I'm over him. - Don't lie, Lola.

It's time for you to move on, to meet someone.

I could've met someone.

You hooked up? When?

Who is it?

What are you doing tomorrow?

I'm moving again

because problems always overwhelm me.

Naturally, I go back to the city,

to the people I care about,

to where you are.

I'm so crazy,

I'll try again...

maybe.

Follow that taxi.

What?

- Rai! - Balloons!

I'm sick of cheap crap!

Marta, tell her to leave the balloons alone or get out.

- She burst them by accident. - Seven times?

I was thinking...

I'm not going back to the village.

You have lots of rooms here.

But Mom, you can't stay here. What about Dad?

Your father?

If he's got smokes he won't notice I'm gone.

Believe me.

You have to help me get my mom out of here.

I can't get onto Rai like this.

It's about time your mother found out you're a lesbian.

Today, I'll tell her today. I swear.

Since when can you make a barbecue?

Me? Since forever.

It just never occurred to me. But I've got it under control.

He's going through a real hetero phase.

It's true. You're doing an online DIY course!

- It's true, honey. - Hey, girl!

Candela!

I love it, you both look divine in braids, just lovely.

Auntie Linda, do you have boobs and a willy now?

Breasts and a penis, breasts and a penis.

Yes, dear, I've got it all,

but 'Lolo' only has a month left.

Gee, you gave it a name!

How about that!

You did it!

Are you nervous?

Cool, huh? We'll be performing together.

I mean, you and me, alone.

I mean, outside the Fine Arts group.

- Do you want something? - For you to get off me!

- You're on my foot. - Sorry.

God damn it!

Only you would think of a 'period party'.

It's normal in tribal cultures.

But here you're not allowed to notice or smell a period.

That's Western society for you.

You could be a bit more Western and get a decent WiFi.

There's no signal anywhere.

What? There always is in the Japanese plum tree.

That's a cherry tree.

- No, no, no! - Yes.

You don't need to touch me.

Just visualize that you're with me, therapeutically.

I want to add some realism.

Shall we get some wine and talk it over?

No, this is 'dry' party: Tomato or apple juice, or mint tea.

- Can't we make an exception? - Not today.

Mom, I'm a woman now. I don't care if there's wine.

You want people vomiting, out of control

and jumping on strangers, their eyes all bloodshot?

- Sounds great. - It's tomato juice.

- Is your ex coming? - I guess, it's her house too.

I'm so nervous.

- Javier. - What?

I can't get out.

I'll help you.

Who else will be there?

All the girls, I guess.

Whoah!

You're...? She's...?

Pregnant?

That's great, Javier.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

- I thought you weren't coming. - Me too.

Why wouldn't we? You invited us!

I so wanted to meet Javier's friends.

- Ver�nica. - Blanca. Nice to meet you.

- What's wrong? - She does it a lot lately.

I need your bathroom urgently.

Relax, I almost got a catheter tube put in.

- Down the end on the left. - Thanks.

- What's this? - Wine.

Confiscated. And shut the door.

Lola, you'll laugh when I tell you that Javier...

Hi, Lola.

Javier. Did you come alone?

I'm Gustavo, Lola's boyfriend.

- It hasn't been long. - Hi there. Congratulations.

I almost peed myself.

It's been 15 minutes since the last gas station.

It's incredible that this is still in Madrid.

You're Lola.

I feel like I know you!

I checked you out on Facebook.

Sure. And you're... Blanca, right?

And I'm Ver�nica. That's it for the name game!

Everyone in the garden, let's go.

In�s?

In�s!

- I'm Alberto, from 4B. - I don't recognize you.

Sure, that's because I used to be fat.

That must be it.

Fuck!

I'm sorry! Really, I'm so sorry!

I thought taxi driving was going to be easier,

after being an accounts executive at Price. - Oh, shut up!

We used to party so hard...!

Sure, great times, eh?

I'm not so wild now, I'm more mature.

- Alberto, get up here! - I'll be right up, Mom!

I just ran into my best friend!

Do you know if Lola still lives here?

The door.

The door!

She went to live with Ver�nica and Marta in the suburbs.

You know Ver�nica's obsession with her daughter.

- Do you have the address? - Sure.

Gaitanes, 130.

Thanks, Antonio.

- Taxi! - Alberto.

- The door! - The button's here somewhere.

Just a second... Off... Auto... Here it is!

Follow that girl!

Again? This is getting interesting.

- I can make a business plan, but starting this up... - Incredible.

takes ages.

Excuse me, where did that girl go?

Gee, you're from that series.

Coming!

Don't tell me. 'Fame'?

Hello there! I got it going!

What do you think?

That's a... It's very nice.

They look very original.

Yes.

What are you doing with that?

It's left over from my last date.

I mean, party.

The little umbrella.

You forgot the little umbrella.

Thanks a lot.

Come here.

Come on, I won't bite.

Weren't you taught not to drug women...

- to get off with them? - No, man, I mean, girl...

I mean, this is for me,

to take the edge off.

Are you sure?

The eyes are the window to the soul.

I've always had a lazy eye.

All my friends are mothers and none of them

have held a 'period party'.

They do it from the Amazon to nomadic tribes.

You're obsessed with the Third World!

Excuse me.

- Ah, fruit juice! - It's not for you.

Lola.

- Let's get some juice, honey. - Lola, look.

I made you a delicious cocktail.

- Drink it all down, eh? - Thanks.

Bottoms up.

How long have you been together?

The main thing isn't how long but how it's going.

It's obviously going great.

Especially in bed.

Honey, drink up. Really, try it, try it.

Honey, why don't you get the door?

- I don't live here. - Just go, eh?

Where did you get that?

It's all yours.

Thanks.

- Thanks. - That's OK.

I'm eating because... I'm feeling weak.

Yes, long trips tire you out.

Especially unexpected ones.

It's great that you and Javier rebuilt your lives and are happy.

Yes.

Cigarette.

1000 feet from Candela, and don't forget it!

Behind the tape!

- Hungry? - Come with me.

Hello.

Wow, it looks like I'm crashing a party.

It's not a welcome home party, is it?

In�s.

- Marti... - You look lovely. It's been ages!

You're In�s?

Candela...

- You've sure grown since... - She was an embryo?

Vero, you look very pretty.

Get over there.

Bitch.

Eat up.

You got me pregnant and you left me!

I've done some bad things, but I'd remember that!

I didn't want to be a mother.

- Who's that girl? - She's the ex-girlfriend...

It's Ver�nica's long lost sister!

At last you can take away all your clothes!

You kept them all this time?

I couldn't be bothered packing them up for the homeless,

or burning them in the garden or slicing them up!

Ver�nica, let's calm down.

Your toothbrush.

You left me alone, without a word!

- Your perfume. - No, no!

What a shame, it broke.

Look, you're absolutely right. Really, really,

I did lots of bad things,

but I left you a note. Remember?

- A note... - Yes.

A note.

It was a Post-it!

You had it laminated?

Of course.

Ver�nica, I understand that you're mad.

Ten years. Ten years and not a word!

But I'm back, I'm back, and it's been a long time.

What do you want? To get me back?

I bet you've never stopped thinking about me.

About you and all the others, because...

It's too late! Get out of my house and my life! In that order!

OK, OK. I'll get my stuff and go.

OK. You're going, right?

Very nice!

Then hurry up!

Lola.

In�s!

What are you doing here? When did you get back?

I'm back.

Actually...

I thought about you a lot.

Yeah...

I could tell by how often you called me these past 10 years.

You know I'm better one-to-one.

You've always had such a nerve.

- Got a cigarette? - You started smoking?

No, it was to break the ice.

Stay there, I'll come down.

- Do you know who my father is? - What?

My father. Do you know or not?

He was an anonymous donor.

That's not true.

'The patient's insemination was rejected by Social Security'.

Damn!

- It wasn't insemination. - Do you know who it was?

No, only your mom knows.

I knew it, you're no use to me.

Well, I can help you find out.

Keep talking.

If you convince your mother to let me stay at your party,

I'll help you find out who your father is.

- My party? - Yes.

Friends?

My mom says you should never mix friendship with business.

I knew she'd be back.

And she said she thought a lot about me.

Maybe we should empty the pool.

She might try to drown herself.

But I won't make it easy for her.

Yeah, right.

Don't be silly, Ver�nica, In�s always wants something.

She might pay you back that money.

Hold it.

Hold it.

Ernesto? Hold on, I have to climb a cherry tree.

Lola, you missed it.

In�s is back, she's here to get me back.

She says she thought about me all the time.

Is that what she said?

How are you doing? Are you hot? Flushed?

Are your hands more sensitive?

Gus, I don't need this crap.

Wine, I need wine. Prohibition is over!

That's it, drink some wine. Drink up!

This tablecloth's so smooth. Silky smooth.

Your hand too.

It must be the Nivea.

At home we even put Nivea on the scrubber, right Mom?

Lola.

- Hello. - Hello.

Long time no see.

Very long.

Wow, you look... gorgeous.

You're just the same.

Not exactly the same. I haven't blossomed like you.

One question, do you still have a boyfriend?

Of course. Did you think

we've been waiting 10 years for you to come back?

No, not 10 years, but maybe a couple.

What a shame. You'll never know.

- We don't fit in here. - Shall we say goodbye?

Just walk away and don't look back.

Javier, Blanca...

You're not leaving?

- No. - Yes.

They're so hetero, aren't they?

No one's leaving here.

It's Candela's day and we're having fun. Everyone.

- Fran, bring the chicken. - What with your Greek tragedy,

the grill's not hot.

I can cut some ham if you like.

I love smoked ham. Shall I go with you?

Yeah, come along.

Mmm, ham!

- You can't, honey. - Can In�s stay at my party?

Please.

Why are you here? To drive Ver�nica crazy again?

What if I said I felt like seeing you?

I'd say you don't belong here.

We've all moved on except for you.

Is that as a friend or 'alternative therapist'?

Neither.

I spoke to my daughter and you can stay for the party.

Do you really believe what this con artist told you?

I'm doing this for Candela.

- Gee, Ver�nica, thanks... - I said you could stay,

- not that you could talk to me. - You idiot!

Damn!

I don't get it, I had it hanging right here.

I don't get it either, the magic dust never fails.

- Want some help? There! - The ham?

No, that's Kool-Aid.

- It's caught. - I'm caught, Fran.

Careful, it's my mother's necklace.

- OK, OK. - Hold on.

You and I are the most alike at this party.

- Really? - Yes.

When I saw you, I felt a flutter.

We're going to be great friends.

- Sure. - Yes.

Excuse me, I need the bathroom.

I'll go with you and we can get to know each other.

Alright.

Blanca!

Where the hell did she go?

OK, wait, stop, stop.

No, no, no.

OK, be gentle. Take it easy.

Please, please...

- Where are you going? - For some wine.

- No, no! - What do you mean, 'no'?

No, I just looked and there isn't any.

You never looked hard at anything except for other girls' asses.

Hold on, Lola...

It's been so long, we have to talk, right?

You and I said everything.

There's still one thing I want to tell you.

That's the same face as when you cheated on me.

- What's this about? - What?

Are you still bitter about me?

- No, don't freak out. - I don't want to argue.

I'm just glad you're doing great with Gus in... out there.

Thanks a lot.

Hey! What are you doing?

I don't know.

Peek a boo! Who is it?

- Linda. - Correct!

- What is this? - I wanted to check something.

That you're still a filthy pig?

The answer is yes!

God damn it...

Here you are.

I see you can't break free from your cellphone.

Not the cellphone.

From selfish brats who can't keep their promises, yes.

- Want some help? - No.

The last time you helped me I almost lost my job.

I owe you an explanation.

320.

What?

That sentence...

You've said that, according to my calculations, 320 times.

How's Miami?

What can I tell you?

I'll tell you. You spent all the money,

and got fired for screwing your boss, your ex-boss

- and six neighbours. - Sof�a, please...

$13,250.46.

Maybe I did say it that many times.

$13,250.46 is what you owe me

for the advance on a novel you never delivered,

and you owe us $147,514

for supporting the daughter you ran out on.

You seem very different. Are you alright?

I'm fantastic. Can't you see?

You're the one that's different.

Do you how you could be different?

How?

With more water.

What are you doing?

Pity Javier's not a lifeguard anymore.

I was never a lifeguard... Forget it.

Mom, he's a photographer now.

- Here, honey. - Thanks.

The house is fucking wild, Vero.

Don't call me Vero. And stop swearing in front of Candela.

The croquette is the perfect food:

It's soft on the outside...

with a surprise inside.

It's not a surprise, it's ham. The chicken ones had run out.

Try them, they're delicious.

What about you?

- What about me? - What do you taste like?

Marta, shut your mouth when you eat!

Tell In�s I want nothing from her.

I will.

In�s, Ver�nica wants nothing from you.

She should try the chicken. God knows what she ate in Miami.

Try the chicken. God knows what you ate in Miami.

Lots of muff, I bet.

You're so crude!

- What did she say? - She ate lots of muffins!

- Your boy's got an appetite. - You've got no idea.

He was bulimic and you never get over that.

I'm sorry.

Don't worry, it gets me hot.

It's like being with... a supermodel.

- Why don't you take a nap, Mom? - Later.

There's nothing like a nice lunch, right Fran?

Yeah, a nice lunch.

Delicious.

- Cutie! - Candela!

- Cutie! - She's a woman now!

Bravo!

Do you know your wish?

I want to know who my father is.

Don't say it out loud or it won't come true.

Candela, again?

Your father's an anonymous donor,

and anonymous means...

You were born by artificial insemination.

Oh, the napkin.

I'll get it.

In�s told me the paper didn't say that.

What?

I didn't say that exactly.

The paper didn't exactly say that.

What paper?

This one.

But what does it say?

What?

It's a long story...

I don't want to meddle where I'm not wanted,

but someone here deserves an explanation.

So says the expert.

Did you sleep with some child psychologist in Miami?

But...

if it wasn't artificial insemination, what was it?

A dick!

Sorry, Candela and Marta's mom: A penis.

Social Security bastards.

I don't get it. So who's the father?

Javier!

Sorry.

What are you talking about?

No. How can I be the father...?

God damn it!

God damn it!

What? What? What?

When?

It was just the one time.

You pig!

You slut!

Lola, the girl.

Dirty, hussy, strumpet,

harlot, prostitute.

Better, much better.

How could you not tell me we have another child?

Because he's a liar, a fraud and a hypocrite.

Honey, take it easy.

I didn't know.

What?

I don't know how it happened.

Come on, honey.

It's been 10 years.

Can someone tell me what the problem is?

Sometimes parents are like bees,

going from flower to flower.

Leave my girl alone!

So Javier is Candela's father?

You're unspeakable.

What's more important, the car or the gas?

- Lola! - Leave me alone!

You girls can't stop slapping each other!

I'll make sure they don't hurt each other.

What are you doing on the ground?

Get on the chair. Are you alright?

Are you sure?

You women really do complicate things.

Are you alright?

Don't worry, men are all the same.

I'm fine.

Surprised, but fine.

Nothing can change the baby in week 37.

She's not herself right now.

It's her oxytocin talking...

Candela...

Look at me, grinning like a jackass!

You have to understand, I was ovulating,

Social Security had rejected me

and this chance came along.

Yes, but this chance was my boyfriend's dick.

- Gee, problem solved. - It was just sex.

I can't believe you deceived me,

right under my nose.

You bitch.

Have you forgotten you were flirting with In�s?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, all the time, behind my back.

With your Reiki massages

and your energy checks...

I was pregnant and about to marry her.

Bad timing.

No, we're talking about you.

Do you deny that you two had something?

Yes.

Bullshit! I read the messages on In�s' cellphone.

There was nothing between us.

- You checked my cell? - And your emails.

You two are even smooching on my 'non-wedding' video.

You didn't erase it?

What do you want me to say? That we're even?

You had a child with my boyfriend, I just went with the flow.

You fancied me.

- She fancied me. - Yes, everyone fancied you.

Even Pino, and she was weird.

- You tease! - You want to know the truth?

The truth is overrated.

In�s was only with you to get to me.

That's... not quite true.

You bitch! In�s was my girlfriend.

- Help me get them apart. - Coming.

I'd better be going.

That's enough, Ver�nica.

- Think about Candela. - Have you in 10 years?

You're a family, act like it.

We are.

This is what happens in family celebrations.

Damn, nice punch.

What?

Forgive me.

It was a mistake,

but thanks to it, we have Candela.

You've got a nerve.

Come here, you idiot.

What are you doing?

Ver�nica has very entertaining parties.

A shame the cake's going to waste.

- Now we really are going. - Now?

Without speaking to your daughter?

That's right.

- What do I say? - You pussy! Father stuff.

You can get some practice.

Javier, being a father is not just doing it but wanting to.

That's the most beautiful thing I've heard in my life.

Yes, I love you too,

but it's far too hot.

This way there's one more who can support Candela.

No, that's the most beautiful thing I've heard in my life.

Candela's support?

Sure, we all pitch in.

How else could Ver�nica live in a house like this?

You can keep the $50 taxi money.

Mister Generosity here.

Ernesto... What?

What do you mean 'the projector fell down'? God!

I can't hear you.

No, no, not me, please.

Looks like there's no cake,

so I'm taking a nap.

Go on.

Where to?

To Melbourne, where else?

How much is the support?

Hey!

What are you doing?

Nothing. Sorry.

So you've got your period now.

Yes.

Do you want to play something?

- Can you play football? - No.

Shall I throw the ball and you can fetch it?

I'm a girl, not a German Shepherd.

A girl...

How about you and I talk about this?

I wanted to know who my father was because a boy at school

is always telling me I came out of nowhere, that's all.

That's it then.

I don't need you, so we'll carry on with our lives.

We'll carry on with our lives.

Do you want to touch your little brother?

I'm going to lose Candela.

Don't talk rubbish, your daughter loves you.

- You're, you're... - Her mother.

That's right, her mother.

Yes, but now she'll have a straight family,

hetero, with a little brother.

She'll have a pretty room, with a Wii.

This family loves her but it's full of lesbians,

transsexuals and gay bulimics.

Hold on, I'm not a lesbian.

I don't know about that.

They'll take her away.

They're only missing that toilet roll puppy!

Vero!

What about you?

What?

Cut the crap, In�s.

Coming back because you missed me,

or Ver�nica or Little Bo Peep doesn't hold water.

- No? - No.

Right.

I'll tell you the truth.

Life in Miami wasn't easy, you know?

English...

I realized a lot of things, I blamed myself for lots of things,

and just as I was rebuilding my life,

someone died who was very important to me.

Uncle Arthur.

Uncle Arthur?

I called him Uncle Arthur because

he was the only one who loved me, he was like family.

It was hard, Lola, very hard.

That's life, these things happen.

Sure, but he'd shown me what life was,

I realized how I'd hurt women

and I was changing, and all of a sudden,

overnight, I don't know...

Come here.

Lola!

Take it easy, girls.

You carry on, I'll take a nap.

- Are you fondling my ass? - Was I?

- It must've been an accident. - You're incredible, girl!

You did fondle her ass.

So it's all straight, right?

It's time for a circle of kisses!

Honey, I don't think we need to move so fast.

I don't know what a circle of kisses is, but I agree with him.

OK, you can come to our house one weekend

and we can make some plans.

We can go to a ballet class or get our nails all pretty.

Aren't you going a bit fast?

Don't worry, Javier will be a good father.

And I'm made for motherhood, everyone says so.

Really?

How do you stop a baby from choking on its own mucus?

You use a nasal bulb.

A nasal bulb is dangerous, you can extract brain matter.

Come here, dear.

It was a trick question.

You know what?

I'm buying you a console, any kind you want.

Don't you dare!

Consoles have an 87% chance

of causing child convulsions and an epileptic fit.

- Seriously? - Yes.

And if they're color blind, well!

Let's go, daughter.

- Go. - Right.

Hold on, I'm coming too.

You can't desert me on a Sunday.

I've got a presentation tomorrow and my job's on the line.

I don't care if Penguin gave you a $150,000 advance!

Hey!

Hey!

God damn...

In�s!

Come here a second.

- What is it? - Nothing.

It's great to see you coming out of the house there.

- What do you want? - Nothing.

Nothing, to see how you're doing.

To find out how you're going to earn a living here.

I've got a ton of projects already.

What a shame.

I was looking for something to publish

and one of your erotic stories might fit the bill.

That's if you need work, but if you're busy...

For you I can always find time.

If you have something to show me...

I've got an idea. It needs development, but...

it's an idea.

That's a shame.

I need a story with a beginning, a middle and an end.

The story's there, it just needs a few touches.

OK.

You have three hours to show me something decent.

And I'm telling you right now:

No advance. OK?

Wait, wait, wait.

It's just...

How do I tell you this?

I'm having a great time, but they're staring at us.

Don't worry about us.

This happens when you take MDMA.

What?

- What? - Yes.

She knocked back your cocktail, now look at her.

You had something to kill my appetite and you didn't tell me?

She's stoned?

Yes, wasted, buzzed, baked,

toasted, whatever you want to call it.

Why are you talking about me like I'm not here?

Why do I not care?

What were we talking about?

Go for it, when it wears off they get mad.

No, I can't do that.

- Why are you following us? - She's my daughter too.

The cake!

You f... flipping bulimic!

There's a bit left.

Now what do we do?

Don't worry, Javier will buy you another cake.

Now?

No way! I'll buy it! I know what she likes.

You can both go.

- Don't grab me! - She told us both to go.

Javier, that's cheating.

Me too.

Get mad if you want, don't repress it.

We don't get mad in my family.

We scream a little inside, that way we get less wrinkles.

Are you really bulimic?

Me? No way.

No way.

I just ate too fast

and I feel like throwing up.

Shall I we go to the bathroom and I'll hold your head?

- OK. - Come on.

- Yeah. - Quick, before you do it.

The sexual tension cut the air like a knife...

This is my room and that's my computer.

I have to finish a little thing, you won't know I'm here.

Candela!

Are you crying?

No, no, no.

What's wrong?

Now my mom will think I want a father.

You wanted to know who your father was, didn't you?

I like my family,

and now because of me I have to go live with Javier.

You don't have to do anything against your will.

When that stupid boy finds out, he'll make my life hell.

Then tell that stupid boy to go to hell.

As if he'd take any notice.

You can tell him the story of Candy Z.

Sure, a girl with two moms, right?

No, smartypants,

it's a story I read in a science magazine.

There's a planet, a real one, where everyone has superpowers.

That's the X-Men.

Do you want to hear the story or not?

On this planet they're all supermen and superwomen,

until suddenly one day a girl is born

who has no superpowers.

This makes the girl feel terrible,

she's sad and alone,

and when she's super-sad she goes to her secret place.

- A secret place? - Yes.

Don't you have a secret place?

My tree house when I was little, but not now.

Candy Z is big too, but she loves her secret place

because it's where she discovered something super-important.

What?

I'll tell you that later. Good stories make you wait.

Feel better now?

- Right, go have some cake. - Fran ate it.

Then we'll make one.

With potato chips?

Yes, and Cheetos.

That's gross. Shall we go?

- Let's go. - You're good at it.

Being a mother?

Get outta here. Storytelling.

Well, here we are.

It wasn't so bad, the time just flew by, right?

Four hours, honey.

How much is it?

200.

- 200, sorry. - 200 Euros. Are you crazy?

No, I'm not actually.

I just have a bad sense of direction.

But we saw Madrid... - Enter psychotherapy.

You liked Talavera, didn't you?

Buy a GPS.

- You know what...? - Try to speak less.

And in her secret place.

Candy Z found some old plans for an invisible suit.

She put on the suit

and went after the mean kids to teach them a lesson.

And because she was invisible she could go where she wanted,

she could see them in the shower,

naked...

No, not naked.

She could switch things around...

A suit isn't a real superpower, so she's lying.

It's only a white lie, isn't it?

Shall we put Cheetos on it?

- They go best with gumdrops. - Uh-huh.

Keep going, I'll be right back.

Looking for me?

Looks like you got over Uncle Arthur, eh?

Seeing you cures all my ills.

Right. I'll send you my bill.

Wait.

Shall we have a toast?

With one cup?

We could drink at the same time.

In�s!

Do you speak English?

- Well...

I am looking for In�s, do you know where In�s is? In�s.

No, Blanca, I'm Blanca.

Nice to meet you.

What you heard was English.

But ignore the shouting.

At home I'll put on a little meditation music for you.

In�s!

In�s!

Kristen. No fucking way!

- What's wrong? - I have to go!

Why are you leaving?

- You're leaving? - I have to go. Tell Ver�nica...

- Don't tell her anything. - Where are you going?

I found you!

Wow...what are you doing here, in Spain?

To reunions.

You're not going anywhere. She's nuts, she tried to kill me.

I'd kill you too, but guests come first.

You come with me, I want my money back.

If you can't pay, you work with me the rest of you life.

Work and sex.

OK Kristen, just listen to me.

I cannot go because... because I have to finish the cake with her.

It's finished. What's wrong with her?

This lady...

is on vacation and there are no hotel rooms.

She mentioned sex. Don't you speak English?

You come with me, now.

OK, let me explain, OK? Relax.

Let me explain... OK?

I'm so tired of your excuses...

I see you leap at opportunities.

Were you going to show me this lady's ass?

- It's not what it looks like. - Candela!

Mom got you a cake, and she got here first.

In�s, why are you fondling that woman?

She's, she's... she's Kirsten.

Kirsten, this is everyone.

She's uhm...

- She's my... - Friend?

No, girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend, from the grimace on her face.

Hallo, goodbye.

She... me... owe money.

Lots of money. You and I... we're leaving.

Straight now.

No, it's 'right now'.

I knew it, I knew I couldn't trust you.

You had the nerve to come to my house and lie to my face!

No, I didn't lie to you.

Kristen, OK baby. Just listen to me, OK? Let me explain.

I cannot go with you because...

because they are my family and my happiness.

- Is that your daughter? - Yes.

- What's this Yank saying? - Let Candela translate.

Don't take her away please.

- See why we bought those Muzzy DVDs? - Is that your mother?

I miss her so much.

That changes everything.

I am a Republican, family is very important to me.

Just have to find another solution to this money.

Thank you Kirsten, thank you so much.

We can talk about this later.

Why don't we eat some cake?

Let's have some cake.

That's a cake?

In�s and I made it.

Candela, my daughter, I bought you a cake too.

There's no need now.

This cake is disgusting,

but it's the nicest thing anyone's done for my girl.

- How are you? - That's it.

Thanks a lot. The massage was weird, but great.

When you're relaxed everything turns out better.

- I got you dirty. - It doesn't matter.

No, you have to get it out now.

- Really? - Yeah. I'll just...

Give it a lick.

OK.

We're not gonna make it.

That's it. Spit, spit.

- I've lost some feeling. - Spit.

You can't go in.

What the hell is this?

Why won't you two let me go in anywhere.

I just went and I left the place...

With the pregnancy, my tummy's a real mess.

- It can't be that bad. - It really is.

Out of the way!

- What did you do? - Nothing...

With all this lesbianism around, I got curious.

- Curious... - Yes. But no...

I didn't like it. No way, not at all.

Actually, I think I'm getting nauseous.

Can you take me outside for a little air?

Yes?

What do I do without In�s?

OK, in English.

I don't get it.

Gosh, these proverbs.

Carpe Diem.

Live for the moment.

Yes, yes!

To carpe Diem and all the lies that don't work!

Drinking, drinking, drinking.

Knock it back!

I shut my eyes and dozed right off.

Thank you, yes.

Who's this lady?

Lolita.

Check out Vero... God damn it...

She's starting a smokers club in the bushes,

she's so obsessed!

What's that look, girl?

What happened with In�s? Spill it, from the beginning.

What? Nothing happened.

Something happened alright!

You're glowing, you look 'irradiant'.

Nothing happened, not with In�s.

She turns up and you've lost that bitter and twisted look.

You're all so convinced I'm a lesbian.

Now you're labeling everything!

Love doesn't have a bar code.

'Love', the romantic says.

Love, Lola, love.

You're in love or you're hot for In�s.

You lacked the courage

and now the chance falls from the sky

and you don't have the ovaries to do what you want.

You've got no idea.

I don't?

If I believed what my ID card said, I wouldn't be me.

When are you going to see that?

You can't fight who you are,

'dyke' or not.

Shit!

You two just shagged, and don't deny it!

No! I don't want to take advantage of Rai.

It was more a National Geographic thing.

You know when the snake suffocates the field mouse?

Same thing.

Hey, you look happy.

You can't fight who you are.

Go on then.

- It's a game. - A game.

When your period comes.

- The blood. - The blood.

- The blood. - The blood.

It's a game for the blood.

Never mind.

It doesn't matter. Drink.

Thanks.

Do you want something else? Something to drink?

Follow me, sexy.

- Is it from Walmart? - Yes.

But if I'd known you were my daughter, which I didn't,

- I'd have got you something else. - Silly man!

I've worked with my hands.

Grapes, beetroot, I was a sales assistant...

I'm not above getting my hands dirty.

Of course.

Is that Outer Space Cop, the Collectors Edition?

Yes, it's my gift.

That's a very gay gift for a girl!

If a Barbie comes out...

- It's yours. - Really?

- She gave it to me. - Listen...

Do you know if she hid any food?

I don't know.

- Do you want something? - I'll go see.

Look at us, just like 10 years ago.

- I'll go turn up the music. - OK.

You put on... a dress.

What about you? Are going back to the States?

It's not what I want.

Do you really know what you want?

I knew 10 years ago and I know now.

You just don't believe me.

I was the only one who brushed you off,

and you can't handle it.

You were the only one I was in love with.

Let's go.

Now?

In�s, turn off the music!

Everyone to the porch, Marta's doing a show!

- Now or never. - Yes, yes, now.

In�s...

After the show I'll make it official.

We'll be a family again.

'Family'...'Me'.

- Aren't they sisters? - They're just excitable.

- Congratulations. - Kirsten, just let... just let me...

- Come on, let's go. - To the theater.

I can't do the show, my tongue's stuck to the roof of my mouth.

Damn!

To celebrate this day,

Rai has created a piece in honor of Candela.

It's called 'Insemination and Life',

but from what we found out today...

I already knew there was no insemination, that Ver�nica...

Marta!

Sorry. Now it's just called 'Life'.

I can really identify with this.

It won't be long?

I don't know what to tell you.

I'm an embryo, my world is my placenta.

Oh!

A concave cave!

Life hurts!

Oh, much better.

What does it say here?

My uterus.

I'm... I'm going to kiss you,

let's go before the play ends... now or never.

I'll explain something to you.

Where is my uterus?

Give me your phone number and we can play...

The meeting hole!

What are you doing? Help! Help!

A foreign lady stuck her tongue in my mouth!

The American people are very... promiscuous.

She asked me to!

- Mom! - She asked me to.

No, not me.

Now I've seen everything.

I see flashes, I don't feel very well.

I didn't write it. She passed it to me,

the 'excitable sister'.

- This is your writing. - What does it say?

Read it aloud.

'I'm dying to kiss you.

Let's go before the show's over. Now or never.'

So the note wasn't for her?

No, it was for you!

- You've got pussy on the brain. - What?

What the fuck is going on?

I open my doors to you, welcome you to my family,

- and all you think about... - is fucking.

This girl screws up everything.

No. Well, yes... No.

I'm back because I need you.

You don't respect anyone, not me, Candela or poor Gustavo.

Es family or no?

Family, family, family, family.

This is the worst party ever.

I feel very hurt.

- Hurt? You're a fag. - Me?

I saw you in the pantry with Fran.

I saw you too, and it's awful what you're doing to poor Lola.

- Fran... - We're just friends, that's all.

I saw this coming.

I... am a woman...

and you... you like men.

Right, it's over.

- What's over? - Us, it's over.

I'm sick of you using me. Do you know why I'm here?

- Gus, this isn't the time. - Fine, the show's about to start.

- Lola brought me here... - No.

So her ex would see that she's not alone.

- I knew it! - You still love Javier?

No, hold on!

You're the one who French kissed me!

So did you!

She jumps on everyone except you.

- You kissed Lola? - What about you?

Just to stop her seeing that her boyfriend was a fag.

- Me too. - I'm not a fag!

You people think everyone's gay!

I'm lost.

I don't feel so good. I feel weird, I see flashes.

The only normal lesbian here is my daughter.

What?

You knew?

Since when?

Ever since you married Barbie and Nancy.

Oh, Mom!

Guys, please!

Where's Candela?

My girl! She's disappeared!

Don't get nervous, I'm sure she's in her room.

Candela!

- Don't get nervous. - Candela!

What's wrong? What?

- I think my waters broke. - You're kidding me! Now?

- The calf is on the way! - Breathe, that's it.

We'll drive to the hospital, OK?

But we're in the middle of fucking nowhere!

Let's get her inside.

- Move the sofa. - Here, here.

Watch the step.

Slowly. I can't believe we're having a baby here.

I've got a beach wrap.

- Sit down, right here. - Let's go.

- Sit down, carefully. - Sit her down.

No, no, no!

OK, slowly.

- Good, good. - You take her.

Sit down here. Lean back.

Slowly. Watch her legs.

Alright, honey, relax.

I'll get the car keys and we'll go to the hospital.

- You stay here. - You dickhead!

Where the fuck am I going if it hurts to move?!

- Alright, breathe in... - And out.

Tell those fags to shut up!

Don't scream, my head will explode!

And your family screams inside...

Honey, look at me.

- Think about the lentil. - No,

this is no lentil.

It's a giant melon that's going to make my pussy explode!

Shit!

Candela, I'm not mad, I just want you to come out.

It's in a rush to come into the world.

A rush? No, no, no!

Labour can last hours, days, weeks.

- Mom, do something! - What?

You've birthed lots of calves.

Gay boys, boil water and bring towels.

I want to make it clear,

- I'm very hetero, OK? - Move it, fag!

Her vein's popping.

Just as well I decided not to go through this.

- Get some cloths. - Cloths...

- How many? One, two...? - It doesn't matter.

Open the microwave.

Put it in. Gently.

Gently.

Hit it.

- We're a good team. - Yeah, we make a good team.

Fags, she says.

These country folks have no idea.

Well... I'm gay.

Right. I'm not.

I'm... tolerant.

I mean, I'm hetero.

Sure, sure.

It's like anything, if you haven't tried it...

You never...

Look.

What?

Nothing.

I didn't feel a thing.

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe!

Back away, she can't breathe.

- Want some of this? - I want an epidural!

Let's get her squatting.

It'll open up the birth canal.

She's got narrow hips and...

- Come on, Blanquita. - 1, 2, 3.

Let's go.

You bastards, I want anesthetics!

Lola, bring something that works!

My arms are going to drop off!

Sof�a!

I can't...

Ver�nica's room has an arsenal of sleeping pills!

Whatever it is. Bring everything!

I want to be drugged out! Or kill me.

Just fucking kill me!

That Obama admires European healthcare...

It's the cutbacks.

Has anyone seen Candela?

I'm a bad mother, I'll traumatize her.

- Did you look properly? - Yes! She's gone! It's my fault!

- No, it's your fault! - OK, let's calm down.

You look outside, I'll look inside. Go.

Honey, we can go.

Have you thought about a home birth?

- What? - No.

- How are you, honey? - Fucking terrific.

I'm fucking terrific!

I'm giving birth 'bareback' in Nowheresville! Fucking great!

Fucking great!

Candela!

Have you seen Candela?

I don't know... I guess she's in her room.

I admit it.

What?

I'm dying to kiss you too.

Really?

- Wait, wait. - What?

Candela.

Don't worry, it's kids stuff.

- No, wait, wait. - What? What?

Do you know where Candela had her tree house?

In the tree next to the kitchen,

but we're more comfortable here.

- No, wait. - What? What?

- I'll be right back. - But...

But... In�s.

I'll be right back.

That's it, I'm calling an ambulance.

No, you need to climb the tree.

Javier, I need you to help me find Candela.

Now, Ver�nica? Is this the time?

Are you her father or not?

If you move, I'll snip you.

I swear I'll slice your balls!

Honey, I'll be one minute. You won't know I've gone.

Son of a bitch!

- I need a drink...two drinks - Get ready, I can see the calf's head.

Come on now! Up! One, two, three, up!

Candela!

Candela!

Was she kidnapped by Romanians or Chinese?

Shit, don't say that, it creeps me out.

The organ market is the only one on the rise.

Cut it out. You're freaking me out.

My wife's giving birth in your house

and suddenly I have a daughter that's just disappeared.

One you'll have to support now.

Everyone contributes to the support here.

- Will you, her father, do that? - I'm totally sure.

When we rescue her, we'll decide how to bring her up.

- Fine by me. - I've thought it over.

After secondary school, Montessori or Waldorf are the best.

A school with its own food.

No catering, it's so unhealthy.

TV and computer will be adult-supervised

- until she's 14. - Ver�nica...

Why didn't you tell me Candela was my daughter?

Did you want to be a dad.

- Well... - You see?

I'll send you an Excel with everything.

Go on, move it!

Candela!

Look, it's opening up,

like a ripe melon.

Get it out, fuck!

Someone stick their hand in and pull it out!

Mom, her hand's like a vice!

The ambulance will be 20 minutes!

God, your pussy looks like a freeway tunnel!

We're looking at the fucking miracle of life!

Blanca, any words of welcome for your son?

Don't film me on your cellphone! Stick it up your ass!

Have you seen In�s?

- Common, push. - I can't! I can't!

I've never been so proud to be a woman.

- I can't take it anymore. - That's it, very good.

Very good!

Cool place, huh?

Can I sit down?

Shit!

What's wrong?

Tell me anything, we're friends.

I don't want to speak to you.

How come?

Everything was fine, then you come and ruin it,

as usual.

Right.

- You've worried your mom. - And you've pissed her off.

I didn't finish the story of Candy Z.

I don't like it.

That's because I haven't told you the ending.

It turns out that Candy Z...

realized that being like everyone else is impossible.

She's different, you know?

And however much she wants to, she can't change that.

So she discovered her true power.

What power?

The power of acceptance,

of being who she is and living her life.

It's time to see the 'ID card'.

What is it?

We don't know yet, but she's got a vagina.

Blanca, honey, how are you?

- Mom! - My girl!

Are you angry?

No, I'm so glad you're here.

In�s told me a really cool story.

It's about a planet full of superheroes

and a girl is born without superpowers.

Her name's Candy Z.

A juvenile dystopia, good thinking.

Come on, meet your brother.

Or sister, whatever.

That Candy Z story...

Yes?

It's not bad.

Though I don't see you writing children's stories.

Thanks for looking after Candela.

Excuse me.

This Candy Z story...

We're on Spanish soil. It's mine.

I want this story.

It's all yours.

Can we discuss co-production tomorrow?

Yes.

So we can go back to where we were?

What are you doing?

Since I'm out of the closet,

we can kiss in front of everyone, the way you like it.

You and me?

Don't pretend, you love it.

Oh, my girl.

I'm glad I met your girlfriend before I went back home.

Guys!

We found Ver�nica's secret stash.

What can you do?

I hope you're very happy.

A toast! Everyone around the baby!

Let's do our first selfie!

All together: 'To raise a child,

you need a whole tribe'.

To raise a child, you need a whole tribe.

- Take that! - Ol�!

Here we are, all together.

In�s.

You're going?

No goodbye?

Lola.

What?

The dress.

You've got it on inside out.

Hey, sorry, sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm desperate.

It's been 6 hours and I always end up here.

Which way is Madrid?

If you like... I can be your GPS.

That's wonderful, I'm so confused.

- Russian Red? - What?

The color.

No, just pink. Simple.

It's just...

Perfect.

Thanks.

Let's go.