Original subtitles

[grunting]

Stupid flag!

It's been a little slow around here,

but I've got just the thing to attract customers.

And who doesn't like their name in lights?

[sparking]

Is it too subtle?

[Boscha] Does subtle mean ugly?

Hi Boscha! Hexsidians! See anything you like?

Ew! No. I'm just here to take an ironic Penstagram

next to your weird flashing trash sign.

It's not funny Boscha.

What are you going to do? Spit your human venom on me?

You have venom?

Quick, Luz, start melting faces!

Even if I could, it's not worth it.

You wouldn't understand how to handle teens like her.

No, I'll show you what to do. [grunts]

You will tremble before me!

Oh, he's so cute!

How much? I have to own him.

You couldn't afford me, sister!

Aw! Aw!

That's the incorrect reaction!

[sniffs] I smell an easy mark.

[grunts] Hey, kid!

Can I offer you the latest fashions from...

the human realm?

-Yeah, no. -[giggling]

Well, I hate her.

Yeah, teens can be sour, but I'm a little sweetie.

Look what I made you!

[sparking]

Luz!

Did I spell something wrong? Or did I spell something right?

Stop that. You may be forgetting something, Luz.

I'm kinda... on the run!

Remember?

Every guard in town would be at my doorstep

if I had my name in lights.

Well, I don't see anyone right now.

Maybe you're just being paranoid.

You're a powerful witch.

Why hide when you can "poof" all your problems away with magic?

What does Luz know about problems anyway?

All she has is dumb teen drama!

She doesn't understand how hard some of us have it.

You're pampered all day like a dang baby.

How hard is that life?

Well, I don't know if you realized,

but I'm not a baby!

Then why are you screaming like one?

My life is a living nightmare!

Well, there's only one thing to do

when friends can't see eye to eye.

Hug each other till we pass out?

Fight to the death!

Pfft, no.

Body swap!

Are you sure you don't shoot venom?

[theme music playing]

I love a good body swap.

It's like demonic possession with the ones you love.

We're doing that? That's possible?

This is just like my favorite early 2000s movie!

Freaky Fraturday.

But maybe we should think about this for a second.

Body swap! Ooh!

[Luz] Did it work? I need a mirror.

[grunts]

Found one.

Oh, my gosh. It worked!

I'm so old... and pointy!

Hot dog! It's me!

[King's voice] Yeah, it is. I'm the human now.

Bow before my massive, meaty hands!

Wait, so that means...

[Eda clears throat]

[Eda's voice] How do I look?

I've got some very confusing emotions right now.

All right, here's the deal.

Whoever can prove their new body has the easiest life

gets out of house cleaning duty.

And you know what that means.

[giggling]

[all shudder]

Won't be me.

Life as a teen is a tyrant's dream!

By the end of the day, I'll be ruling over your feeble demographic.

Well, I've got magic.

Eda, don't be too mad when your inventory's gone

and the guards are none the wiser.

[shouts]

Ha! That's cute.

If you need me, I'll be getting pampered

on a vacation fit for a king.

My life's not a joke!

But yours is... bap. [laughs]

[woman] Look at that little baby! [Eda] Oh, hello.

[man] So adorable! [Eda] Yes, hello to you too, handsome.

[man 2] Stop right there!

An emperor's guard!

[sniffs, growls]

Thought you could get away with it, didn't you?

Wait, you know who I am?

Of course, I do. You're...

the cutest little angel I've ever seen!

Who wants a lolly?

Ha! That's more like it.

[sniffs, whines] [taunts] You got nothing!

[laughs]

[sighs] Being king is a walk in the park.

I'm gonna win this bet for sure.

Wha...

Oh, Dottie! Look at this lost little dumpling!

What's that? Whoa!

Hey, I'm not lost, you creeps!

Poor baby!

Do you need us to make you a delicious meal?

No, I don't need you...

Tummy scratches? Ooh. You know what? Maybe I am lost.

Take me away, ladies.

[meowing]

Welcome to our kitty café.

This is our little safe haven for cherubs like you.

Ugh... What hot mess is going down here?

You see, precious cargo like you should be taken care of.

Boop!

All you should have to worry about is how many belly rubs you want

or how much tasty num-nums you're gonna eat.

[Eda] Well, my creep alarm is ringing,

but I can't argue with num-nums.

This place is a safe place.

A place clean from the outside world.

And those teenagers who filthen it.

You have a good nap, my dearest.

And welcome... to your new home.

Ha! Oh, being adorable is the life.

[yawns] Time for a nap.

[kitten meows] [Eda gasps]

-Leave this place! -[gasps]

-Danger is near. -[woman] Baby demon!

We have a surprise for you!

You hear that, Bowtie? [grunts] Ow!

There's a new star in town.

[yowls]

A gift for our new, cutest demon.

Okay, I'm out.

Novelty costumes are where I draw the line.

Dottie, please help our little angel get changed.

[shrieks]

[growls]

[snarls]

Oh, no, sweetie.

You can't survive out there without us.

Ladies, stand back.

I am not above disrespecting my elders.

[sighs] Oh, dang. I'm not a witch right now.

No, baby. You're a cutie patootie.

Not today, sister!

No! [shrieks]

[grunts]

[woman] Let us in this instant!

It is not time for you to be there.

Stop babying me!

This vacation just took an alarming, back-alley turn.

Tasty num-nums. Ew.

-[Bowtie] Don't bother. -[shouts]

Their minds are tragically gone.

They've been coddled so long, they forgot how to live on their own.

Their brains turned to mush.

Geez, I thought I liked being babied.

But I feel so small and helpless, like some sort of... baby.

But that won't happen to us, right?

[purrs, gurgles]

I failed you, Bowtie. My closest ally.

Meow. Meow.

-[pounding] -[yelps]

[growling]

I'll avenge you, Bowtie!

-[grunts] -[meows]

Ooh!

[panting]

[grunts] Huh?

[grunts]

[snarling]

Oh, wonderful!

Now everyone can see our bestest baby...

forever.

No!

[King grunting]

Not so high and mighty anymore.

I feel so alive! [yelps]

[grunting]

Oh, no! [shouts]

The flag, it seeks revenge.

[laughing]

Help me! I'm a delicate man.

Teenagers.

[grunting, sniffing]

Hey, take this, society!

Oh, no. [shouts]

[sniffs]

[groaning]

[scoffs] Just give up.

I swear, I can do a sit-up.

I'm just having a bad day. [groans]

-Sure, you can. -[shutter clicks]

I'll show Luz how to rule over these doofuses.

Greetings! Er... Greetings!

Bow before your king of humans.

[grunts] Hey, nobody tells me what to do.

[scoffs] Shut it. Sorry, Boscha.

New post: Loser human thinks she can hang out

in our sacred Treasure Shack.

Spoiler alert: She can't.

Yeah, get out of here, Goody Two-shoes.

-Goody Two-shoes, huh? -[gasps, yelps]

Hey, impressionable youths!

Under my command, you could learn how to do some real damage.

[grunts]

All hail, your new teen king.

I didn't like her telling me what to do before,

but now, I love it.

[scoffs]

Who wants to revolt with me today?

-Yay! You're the coolest. -We love you now.

I love it!

Uh, I'll catch up.

Hold up. I did not give you permission to leave.

All right, you acne-encrusted hormone buckets.

Let's go let out some teen angst!

♪ You're hanging With the cool kids ♪

♪ Breaking all the rules Kids ♪

♪ We're gonna have to Fool the kids ♪

♪ Into thinking That you're cool too ♪

♪ They're piercing noses ♪

♪ They die their hair... ♪

Yeah, this sign gets it!

[grunts]

-[grumbling] -[laughing]

[gasps, screams]

[laughing]

Guys, be quiet.

[dialing, rings]

[crowing, squawks]

Hoot House. Hooty Hooting.

[giggling]

[Hooty] Oh, wow. I've been waiting for someone to call all day,

and now, it's finally happened!

We can talk for hours, and hours,

and hours, and hours...

[screams]

[laughs] I don't know what Luz is talking about.

This life is a breeze.

[gasps]

Enough!

I don't know why they can't remember

what a weirdo loser you are,

but I'm gonna help them remember.

Ooh, I'm so scared.

[chuckles] She still thinks she has power over you guys.

Guys?

Luz, I challenge you to a race...

around Dead Man's Curve.

[gasps]

And we'll be racing on those.

Giant rat worms.

Meh.

You don't have to do this, you know?

We know humans are, like, super fragile.

Don't baby me!

Boscha, I accept your strange teenage, coming-of-age challenge thing.

[thuds]

[growling]

[grunting]

On your mark...

Get set...

[gulps]

-Let's go! -[growls]

Worm minion, I said go! [shouts]

Stop! I said stop! [screaming]

[screaming, grunting]

[gasps]

This is how the cool kids ride. Super backwards. On purpose.

[grumbles]

[gasps]

Yes! Say bye-bye to your popularity, Boscha.

Bye-bye.

[yelps]

[screams]

Ow.

Not the Treasure Shack!

I don't know how to process this.

Someone tell me what to do!

Get her!

Hey!

[panting]

Get back here, human!

Luz was right. I can't handle the complexities of teenage life.

I just want my body back.

[grunts]

[Boscha] I think I saw her go this way.

[panting]

[sighs]

Huh?

Dottie! A teen has come to steal our little babies.

No, wait! I am a little baby!

[grunts]

No, you're not. You're a rotten teen!

But we finish with you,

you'll be calling for your mother.

[grunts]

Lady, I just want my body back.

You can have it. Your life is pretty terrible.

But, hey, it'll probably be over soon.

[snarls]

Whew! Okay, let's try this again.

And strut, strut, strut.

[grunts]

How does Eda wear these all day?

Oh, no. What have my heels done?

Wait a second. I'm a ding dang witch!

[yowls, grunts]

Boy, Eda is powerful.

[yowls] Not again!

Okay, let's try this one more time.

[coughs, gasps]

I made magic with my hands!

Ooh, so unnecessarily extravagant.

I'll take it.

Zippo swappo.

Sold to the savvy shopper.

Okay, magic hands,

let's see what else we can magically magic.

[buzzing]

Step right up and feast your eyes

on the marvels of the human realm!

[customer 1] Oh, what is this?

[customer 2] Where did the other stand go?

You're lights are too bright, and I forgot what I came here for.

Was it for laughter?

[laughing] Joy! So painful.

I'll take two for my enemies.

[wailing]

Thank you! Come again!

There's a little something for everyone.

Take it from me, Eda,

the Boiling Isles' gift to magic.

Is that right? You're the famous Eda the owl lady?

That depends.

Are you a fan... of magic?

No, but I am a fan of...

the law.

Oh, no!

We're finally able to catch you in the act.

All thanks to this little light show of yours.

Gentlemen,

whaddya say we forget this whole thing ever happened?

Amnesia spell!

Haven't quite got the hang of this yet.

[shutter clicks]

[coughs]

This is some of my best work.

Really captures the shame.

[squeaks] [laughs]

Yeah, you're going away for a long time, you filthy criminal.

[hoots nervously]

Owlbert! This is all a big mistake.

You're gonna laugh when I explain.

[guard gasps] Is is really her?

Oh, no. This is not good.

Hey, you gotta take that thing out before someone sees you.

I like it. Calms the nerves.

Hmm? Uh...

Madame Lilith, to what do we owe this honor?

Word reached me that you captured my sister.

I'll take it from here.

But Madame, she's going straight to the Conformatorium.

I have the order right here.

The orders have changed.

[Luz] Look, guys, you got the wrong Eda.

Hello, Edalyn.

Oh, thank goodness! A familiar face.

You're Eda's sister, right? Is it Libby?

No. Limby...

Your show of affection is touching.

Do you know why you're here?

Well, as I was telling the guard,

this is just a classic Freaky Fraturday mix-up.

Sister, the charges against you are long and many.

Operating a stand without a permit,

owning a hocus without a pocus...

Yeah, I think that list goes on for a while.

These charges are serious.

There's no more running away, Edalyn.

I know. I can't just "poof" my problems away.

But we can.

You getting caught was clearly a cry for help.

Join the Emperor's Coven,

like we dreamed about when we were girls.

Eda wanted to be in the Emperor's Coven?

Don't be afraid, sister.

Soon, you won't be a danger to those around you.

Bring out the branding glove.

The what now?

-[thuds] -[knuckles crack]

Wait, you're making a mistake!

I'm not a danger to anyone!

Uh-oh.

[coughs]

Owlbert, come to me!

[hoots]

Huh? Ah! [grunts]

Sorry, buddy.

Eda's life is more complicated than I thought.

[grumbles]

Okay, if I were Eda and Eda is King, where would I be?

Ah! This thing's so confusing.

After her!

[knocking on glass]

Luz! Bring my dang body over here.

Eda!

Oh, look, Dottie.

It's not kidnapping if they entered our store.

Just think of it as good customer service.

Why did our lamp get unnecessarily extravagant?

-[Luz and King gasp] -[Eda] Hi.

Go, go, go!

[gasps] After them!

[shrieks]

What weird stuff did you get my body into?

There she is. [barking]

[Eda] I got the same question.

Dang! I forgot about them.

[Eda] All right. Did everybody learn a valuable lesson

about experiencing each other's hardships?

-[King and Luz] Yep. -Good, let's end this nightmare.

Body swap!

[King] My body! My glorious little body!

Sister, time and again I've offered you my help,

yet you foolishly run back to your worthless life.

I'm tired of trying, Edalyn.

Your days of running are over!

Thanks, Luz. Sorry.

Don't worry, I got this.

Body swap!

[dog barking]

[Lilith] Eda, you rotten sister!

Switch me back! Ah! Woof!

[guard 1] What's happening? Who the heck are you?

[guard 2] I'm a Coven guard, wise mouth.

No, you're not. I am!

[woman] You get outta my body, you galoot!

Fight! Ow. My knees.

Hey! Ow! This is your fault.

Let go! My arm! Ow!

[screaming]

Are they gonna be okay?

Eh?

Eda, I just wanna say

that things can be more complicated than you think.

But with you guys,

it all feels a little less mixed up.

Aw, that's sweet, kid.

Now, let's never speak of this again.

[hoots]

[clamoring]

[howls]

So, wait. Who is going to clean Hooty?

It's getting... dire.

[Hooty] Guys? Today's my monthly cleaning. Hoot, hoot.

I'm 20% mucus, but don't let that stop you.

C'mon, I have so many hard-to-reach spots that need swabbing!

Maybe if we all work together we could...

Not it. Not it.

Aw, man.