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1
00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:05,337
[LOCK JIGGLING]
2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,706
ADULT MARK: The old
man slept like a baby.
3
00:00:07,842 --> 00:00:09,675
A teething baby.
4
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:10,943
[QUIETLY] Locked.
5
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:12,510
Unlocked.
6
00:00:12,547 --> 00:00:14,179
Locked. Unlocked.
7
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,714
ADULT MARK: Dad couldn't
sleep until he double-checked,
8
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,849
triple-checked, and
quadruple-checked the locks.
9
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:18,984
MIKE SR.: Off.
10
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,519
Off.
11
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:22,588
ADULT MARK: And checked
and blessed every burner.
12
00:00:22,657 --> 00:00:24,790
... the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost...
13
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:27,459
MARY: Will you quit packin'
around and come to bed?
14
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,794
POP: Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!
15
00:00:29,831 --> 00:00:32,064
Shut up yourself, you old coot!
16
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,400
ADULT MARK: Everything in the
house had to be unplugged.
17
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:36,068
Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. Off!
18
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:38,337
ADULT MARK: Dad worked on
American bases during the war,
19
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:42,574
and the army safety films had
burned themselves into his brain.
20
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,344
ANNOUNCER: Plug in that
Christmas tree, and whammo!
21
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:49,415
This GI's Christmas
has gone up in smoke!
22
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:50,549
- [DOOR SLAMS]
- [MARY GASPS]
23
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:51,950
POP: For crying out loud!
24
00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:54,552
MIKE JR.: Sorry, sorry!
25
00:00:54,589 --> 00:00:57,756
Better make sure that door's locked.
26
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,225
Oh, for frig's sake!
27
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,727
MIKE SR.: Locked... Unlocked...
28
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:05,264
Locked... Unlocked...
29
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:08,533
Locked... Unlocked...
30
00:01:08,603 --> 00:01:10,802
MARY: Mike, honey,
get your arse in gear.
31
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,371
The cab'll be here soon!
32
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,506
ADULT MARK: Normally there
was no privacy at all
33
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:17,576
in our little house, but this
night was a perfect storm.
34
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,245
My brother was working
the night shift
35
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,380
at the radio station,
36
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,448
Pop would be asleep by 7,
37
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,517
and my folks were celebrating
their 20th anniversary
38
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,019
by going somewhere they'd never been...
39
00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:28,320
Out!
40
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,389
MIKE SR.: I don't know,
Mary. Freezing rain.
41
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:31,657
It's gettin' pretty greasy out.
42
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,792
Well, that's why we're taking a cab!
43
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,328
That and I plan on
having two fuzzy navels.
44
00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:38,130
Oh, a night out!
45
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,597
I don't care if it's spitting lava.
46
00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:41,667
I'm having fun!
47
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,335
Mark!
48
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:45,337
You and Ritchie enjoy your
movie and behave yourselves.
49
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:46,672
MARK: Sure, Mom.
50
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,074
Can't wait.
51
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:53,679
ADULT MARK: We pooled
our money to rent a VCR!
52
00:01:53,748 --> 00:01:57,282
With no one watching us, we
could watch what we wanted.
53
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:58,617
Porky's.
54
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,086
The Citizen Kane of
teen sex comedies.
55
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:03,221
Ritchie "borrowed" his dad's copy.
56
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:07,293
?
57
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:11,363
?
58
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,065
?
59
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,134
Uh, I don't know, Ritchie.
60
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,301
It's rated R.
61
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,036
That means we need parental guidance.
62
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:20,439
This thing is supposed to be filthy!
63
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,541
You want to see boobies
with your parents at home?
64
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,076
ADULT MARK: I was getting cold feet,
65
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:25,577
but Ritchie was boiling over.
66
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,180
Gross! No!
67
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:31,449
This is supposed to be the
biggest film in Canadian history.
68
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,852
I'm strictly interested
in the comedic elements.
69
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,054
It's research.
70
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,255
Sure. Okay.
71
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:39,591
You close your eyes when
there's boobies, then.
72
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,593
Let's not get carried away.
73
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:44,930
?
74
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:47,833
?
75
00:02:51,706 --> 00:02:54,206
Hell of a bad night.
76
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,607
Hey, look at the wires on that thing!
77
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,057
My God, you're gonna blow a fuse!
78
00:02:57,078 --> 00:02:58,444
NEWS ANCHOR: A storm warning
tonight across the province,
79
00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:00,079
as extreme weather is
expected to continue.
80
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,614
Power lines are already...
81
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,083
MIKE SR.: This could be the
worst ice storm we've ever seen.
82
00:03:04,085 --> 00:03:06,552
POP: Pssht, I've seen worse
storms in a snow globe!
83
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:08,287
NEWS ANCHOR: [ON TV]
High winds, black ice,
84
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,322
freezing rain, and poor visibility.
85
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:13,525
The RNC are encouraging
drivers to stay where you're to.
86
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,294
Mary...
87
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,696
I think we should stay home out of it.
88
00:03:16,831 --> 00:03:18,330
This is a death trap.
89
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:20,900
I'm not staying home
on our 20th anniversary!
90
00:03:21,139 --> 00:03:23,705
People on death row
gets out more than I do!
91
00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:25,407
Uh, she has a point, Dad.
92
00:03:25,476 --> 00:03:26,809
It's Ponderosa!
93
00:03:26,811 --> 00:03:28,944
Twenty years of marriage is a long time,
94
00:03:28,946 --> 00:03:30,880
but I hear the salad bar is endless!
95
00:03:30,882 --> 00:03:33,549
What's a little freezin' rain?
96
00:03:33,618 --> 00:03:36,485
POP: The boy's right,
you know? This is nothing.
97
00:03:36,487 --> 00:03:40,022
I mean, when I was his age, we
didn't even have electricity.
98
00:03:40,157 --> 00:03:43,091
I had to use an outhouse!
99
00:03:43,127 --> 00:03:45,894
Oh no, once it was so cold,
100
00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:48,897
I went out to have a pee and it froze.
101
00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:51,533
I had to break it off midstream!
102
00:03:51,569 --> 00:03:54,236
DICK: [ON RADIO] Kiwanis
Club bingo night is cancelled.
103
00:03:54,238 --> 00:03:56,906
The Bonavista Sunday
Stitch & Bitch is cancelled.
104
00:03:57,041 --> 00:03:58,240
It's bad out there, folks!
105
00:03:58,309 --> 00:04:00,509
Since when do you listen to Dick Dunphy?
106
00:04:00,511 --> 00:04:02,244
I think it's clearing up.
107
00:04:02,246 --> 00:04:03,712
MIKE SR.: Mary...
108
00:04:03,748 --> 00:04:06,382
I just saw the light and
power boys go up the road.
109
00:04:06,517 --> 00:04:08,551
They'll have the lights back
on by the time we gets there.
110
00:04:08,686 --> 00:04:11,120
- Mary...
- I know.
111
00:04:11,189 --> 00:04:14,623
I'm never gonna see the inside
of that packin' Ponderosa.
112
00:04:14,626 --> 00:04:17,392
ADULT MARK: And I'd never see
the outside of Kim Cattrall.
113
00:04:17,428 --> 00:04:18,728
They couldn't stay!
114
00:04:18,863 --> 00:04:21,063
Did you give up on 20 years of marriage
115
00:04:21,099 --> 00:04:22,798
when things got tough?
116
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,601
Queen-size-cut prime rib dinner
117
00:04:25,603 --> 00:04:28,537
with all-you-can-eat
salad bar and baked potato,
118
00:04:28,606 --> 00:04:30,406
all for $5.39?
119
00:04:30,475 --> 00:04:32,208
The only ice you
should be worrying about
120
00:04:32,343 --> 00:04:34,410
is the ice in your Dr. Peppers!
121
00:04:34,545 --> 00:04:35,811
RITCHIE: Yeah!
122
00:04:35,813 --> 00:04:37,279
DICK: [ON RADIO] The
Avalon mall is closed.
123
00:04:37,415 --> 00:04:38,747
Jade Gardens is closed.
124
00:04:38,883 --> 00:04:41,117
And the Ponderosa has closed.
125
00:04:41,119 --> 00:04:42,119
The magic wok has closed...
126
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,786
Aw, frig.
127
00:04:43,898 --> 00:04:46,799
I'm just really sorry for you.
128
00:04:46,934 --> 00:04:50,469
[RADIO STATIC]
129
00:04:50,604 --> 00:04:51,937
Good God!
130
00:04:51,939 --> 00:04:53,472
Dead air!
131
00:04:53,607 --> 00:04:55,340
I gotta get up to the station, Mary.
132
00:04:55,409 --> 00:04:57,710
They're gonna need all
hands on deck for this one.
133
00:04:57,845 --> 00:05:00,079
Happy friggin' anniversary.
134
00:05:00,214 --> 00:05:02,447
ADULT MARK: In Newfoundland,
we put salt on everything.
135
00:05:02,517 --> 00:05:05,818
Fish, potatoes...
136
00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:07,019
MIKE SR.: Augh!
137
00:05:07,154 --> 00:05:08,220
ADULT MARK: And the steps.
138
00:05:08,256 --> 00:05:11,223
MIKE SR.: Mary! You didn't salt!
139
00:05:11,358 --> 00:05:12,758
Mike!
140
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,026
MIKE SR.: Ah, I packed my back!
141
00:05:14,161 --> 00:05:17,596
Abort mission! Unplug the VCR!
142
00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:19,898
Um, is it the red
wire or the white wire?
143
00:05:19,967 --> 00:05:21,233
No time! Just pull them all!
144
00:05:21,368 --> 00:05:22,835
Just all of them!
145
00:05:22,970 --> 00:05:24,036
Okay.
146
00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:26,171
MIKE SR.: Aah, my back!
147
00:05:26,174 --> 00:05:29,375
Oh God, my back!
148
00:05:29,510 --> 00:05:30,976
- POP: Watch out.
- MIKE SR.: Augh!
149
00:05:30,978 --> 00:05:32,577
MARK: Are you okay, Dad?
150
00:05:32,579 --> 00:05:33,846
POP: All right, nice and easy.
151
00:05:33,848 --> 00:05:34,848
Easy, easy.
152
00:05:34,982 --> 00:05:37,249
Augh, God!
153
00:05:37,318 --> 00:05:38,717
Augh!
154
00:05:38,719 --> 00:05:41,520
Even your back goes out more than I do.
155
00:05:41,655 --> 00:05:46,125
Look, if you're not going
to the Ponderosa, then...
156
00:05:46,127 --> 00:05:47,792
What are we gonna do for supper?
157
00:05:47,829 --> 00:05:49,195
Oh, jeez.
158
00:05:49,330 --> 00:05:53,732
[PHONE RINGS]
159
00:05:53,801 --> 00:05:56,067
Hello? It's young Mike.
160
00:05:56,069 --> 00:05:57,469
The station! Give it, give it, give it!
161
00:05:57,505 --> 00:06:00,739
Come on, will ya?
162
00:06:00,808 --> 00:06:02,307
Hello?
163
00:06:02,343 --> 00:06:04,342
The weight of the ice
toppled the power line, Mike.
164
00:06:04,378 --> 00:06:05,744
She's gone.
165
00:06:05,813 --> 00:06:07,813
MIKE SR.: Yeah, so's my
back. I can't come up.
166
00:06:07,882 --> 00:06:09,348
So, what do we do?
167
00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:10,749
MIKE SR.: All right,
listen carefully, Dick!
168
00:06:10,885 --> 00:06:12,418
You gotta go out to the
generator, all right?
169
00:06:12,553 --> 00:06:13,886
There's a big yellow box.
170
00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:16,021
Pull the lever inside and
the generator will kick in.
171
00:06:16,023 --> 00:06:17,923
- Right on, Mike.
- Thanks, Dad.
172
00:06:18,058 --> 00:06:20,759
I can get the generator
going, but she's old.
173
00:06:20,761 --> 00:06:22,894
I'll have to stay up there
and keep an eye on her.
174
00:06:22,930 --> 00:06:25,164
You'll have to go on the air by yourself
175
00:06:25,166 --> 00:06:27,699
till the road's clear enough
to get someone else in.
176
00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:30,302
But that could be all night!
177
00:06:30,437 --> 00:06:33,205
You got the gift of the
gab from your old man...
178
00:06:33,207 --> 00:06:35,507
And your mudder.
179
00:06:35,642 --> 00:06:39,111
?
180
00:06:39,113 --> 00:06:43,048
[RAIN POURING]
181
00:06:43,117 --> 00:06:46,251
After 20 friggin' years you'd
think I'd get one night off
182
00:06:46,286 --> 00:06:47,386
for good behaviour.
183
00:06:47,455 --> 00:06:50,322
MIKE SR.: [GROANS]
184
00:06:50,358 --> 00:06:52,724
I guess we could watch the
movie that the boys got.
185
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:54,059
No!
186
00:06:54,061 --> 00:06:55,393
Oh.
187
00:06:55,429 --> 00:06:57,062
Aw, Porky's.
188
00:06:57,064 --> 00:06:59,698
The little pig with the stutter, sin.
189
00:06:59,734 --> 00:07:01,466
I could use a laugh.
190
00:07:01,535 --> 00:07:02,935
How do you turn it on?
191
00:07:02,937 --> 00:07:06,338
Uh, actually it won't work.
192
00:07:06,374 --> 00:07:07,473
'Cause of the storm, you know?
193
00:07:07,608 --> 00:07:09,007
Yeah.
194
00:07:09,076 --> 00:07:12,144
Oh, the doohickeys are out.
195
00:07:12,146 --> 00:07:13,946
There.
196
00:07:14,081 --> 00:07:15,681
Hm! See?
197
00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:19,551
When did you start work at Radio Shack?
198
00:07:19,587 --> 00:07:23,555
The FBI? Is this even legal?
199
00:07:23,624 --> 00:07:25,291
ADULT MARK: I never needed therapy
200
00:07:25,426 --> 00:07:27,893
because I already know where
all my problems come from:
201
00:07:28,028 --> 00:07:30,863
Watching Porky's with my parents!
202
00:07:32,967 --> 00:07:35,266
Oh...
203
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:37,770
What did I miss?
204
00:07:37,772 --> 00:07:39,237
ADULT MARK: A black out...
205
00:07:39,239 --> 00:07:41,573
Right before I would have blacked out!
206
00:07:41,575 --> 00:07:43,575
The damned thing blew a fuse!
207
00:07:43,711 --> 00:07:45,910
I'll get it.
208
00:07:45,947 --> 00:07:48,246
Dah... aaaugh! My back!
209
00:07:54,288 --> 00:07:56,254
ADULT MARK: I prayed the
lights never came back.
210
00:07:56,290 --> 00:08:00,091
[PHONE RINGING]
211
00:08:00,127 --> 00:08:01,593
MARK: Come on, open! Open up!
212
00:08:01,595 --> 00:08:04,195
Hello?
213
00:08:04,231 --> 00:08:06,064
Oh... It's Alice.
214
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,233
She says the power's
out all over the city.
215
00:08:08,235 --> 00:08:10,402
That damn thing blew the
power for the whole city?
216
00:08:10,404 --> 00:08:12,037
No! It's because of the ice storm,
217
00:08:12,172 --> 00:08:14,439
you stunned arse!
218
00:08:14,574 --> 00:08:16,008
The tape's stuck inside!
219
00:08:16,077 --> 00:08:18,143
We need to get it out before
the lights come back on!
220
00:08:18,179 --> 00:08:21,146
We can't without power!
221
00:08:23,384 --> 00:08:25,084
No!
222
00:08:25,219 --> 00:08:26,752
You'll ruin my dad's tape!
223
00:08:26,887 --> 00:08:29,988
My dad will ruin us
if he sees a b-o-o-b!
224
00:08:32,159 --> 00:08:34,493
Okay, I have an idea.
225
00:08:34,628 --> 00:08:36,895
Get me a butter knife.
226
00:08:36,964 --> 00:08:37,964
Okay.
227
00:08:37,998 --> 00:08:39,431
Okay, go.
228
00:08:39,566 --> 00:08:42,434
It's gonna get cold, so
you better bundle up, hm?
229
00:08:42,503 --> 00:08:44,369
Okay.
230
00:08:44,371 --> 00:08:46,905
[CHUCKLES] Come on, boys.
231
00:08:46,941 --> 00:08:49,041
This is nothing!
232
00:08:49,043 --> 00:08:52,310
You know, before he
led Peary to the Pole,
233
00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:55,381
Captain Bob Bartlett and I
used to take the dog sleds
234
00:08:55,516 --> 00:08:58,450
way up north just to relax!
235
00:08:58,452 --> 00:08:59,785
Yeah.
236
00:08:59,787 --> 00:09:03,388
Of course when it got
really, really cold,
237
00:09:03,457 --> 00:09:06,124
the dogs died.
238
00:09:06,260 --> 00:09:09,061
Imagine being so desperate for survival
239
00:09:09,196 --> 00:09:11,730
that you eat your best friend.
240
00:09:11,799 --> 00:09:15,267
First you lose your fingers...
241
00:09:15,336 --> 00:09:18,403
Then you lose your toes...
242
00:09:18,472 --> 00:09:23,208
Then finally... your mind.
243
00:09:23,343 --> 00:09:27,212
[SLURPS LOUDLY]
244
00:09:28,549 --> 00:09:29,815
Ooh...
245
00:09:29,884 --> 00:09:31,349
Pineapple crush?
246
00:09:31,419 --> 00:09:33,651
Hm?
247
00:09:38,492 --> 00:09:42,060
[WHIRRING AND BUZZING]
248
00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:50,235
Uh, hello!
249
00:09:50,271 --> 00:09:52,971
This is Mike Critch.
250
00:09:53,007 --> 00:09:54,239
Not my dad, Mike Critch.
251
00:09:54,241 --> 00:09:55,574
He's not with us.
252
00:09:55,709 --> 00:09:58,177
The other Mike Critch, his son.
253
00:09:58,312 --> 00:09:59,544
Me.
254
00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:00,913
Um...
255
00:10:01,048 --> 00:10:04,315
Do you have power where you are?
256
00:10:04,351 --> 00:10:08,520
Call in and let me know.
257
00:10:14,595 --> 00:10:17,296
MIKE SR.: Come on...
258
00:10:17,431 --> 00:10:18,864
OLD WOMAN: [ON RADIO] It's so dark!
259
00:10:18,933 --> 00:10:20,933
I'm froze to death! I can't...
260
00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:22,768
VOCM's back on!
261
00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:24,670
MIKE JR.: It'll all be over soon, ma'am.
262
00:10:24,805 --> 00:10:26,538
I bet you've survived worse than this.
263
00:10:26,673 --> 00:10:27,940
Where the hell is Dick?
264
00:10:28,075 --> 00:10:30,275
It's a major news story,
he's got a child on the air!
265
00:10:30,277 --> 00:10:31,810
OLD WOMAN: I was a little girl then...
266
00:10:31,812 --> 00:10:33,545
- MARY: Aw!
- OLD WOMAN: ... But I remembers!
267
00:10:33,581 --> 00:10:34,947
MIKE JR.: You know what they say
268
00:10:34,949 --> 00:10:36,481
about the weather in Newfoundland?
269
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:39,284
If you don't like the
weather, just wait a minute!
270
00:10:39,286 --> 00:10:41,553
Oh, Mike, our son's on the radio!
271
00:10:41,688 --> 00:10:43,422
Good God, he should be
interviewing the mayor,
272
00:10:43,424 --> 00:10:45,023
not some old bat!
273
00:10:45,092 --> 00:10:47,492
I gotta get over there.
274
00:10:47,495 --> 00:10:49,161
MARY: Ah, geez.
275
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:52,764
MIKE JR.: My pop says, tea is
the remedy to anything, huh?
276
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,200
OLD WOMAN: I'm scared I'm gonna fall,
277
00:10:55,236 --> 00:10:57,569
and I'm all alone.
278
00:10:57,704 --> 00:10:58,770
Where you at, ma'am?
279
00:10:58,806 --> 00:11:01,039
OLD WOMAN: 31 Gower Street.
280
00:11:01,041 --> 00:11:03,708
Okay, if anyone's listening
around Gower Street,
281
00:11:03,744 --> 00:11:06,645
and you've got spare
blankets or a kerosene heater
282
00:11:06,647 --> 00:11:09,181
and you can get there, we
could really use your help.
283
00:11:09,316 --> 00:11:10,849
OLD WOMAN: Oh, bless your heart!
284
00:11:10,918 --> 00:11:14,253
So sorry to hear your
father is no longer with us.
285
00:11:14,255 --> 00:11:17,222
- Oh! No, no, no, he's just...
- [PHONE HANGS UP]
286
00:11:17,258 --> 00:11:18,289
MIKE JR.: Mike Critch Junior...
287
00:11:18,325 --> 00:11:19,658
He's up there making an arse of it.
288
00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:21,893
- I gotta get up there.
- Absolutely not!
289
00:11:21,929 --> 00:11:22,963
MIKE JR.: The phone lines
are full right now...
290
00:11:22,963 --> 00:11:25,998
- Mary!
- [RADIO SWITCHES OFF]
291
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,933
You boys are freezing.
Where are your blankets?
292
00:11:27,935 --> 00:11:30,535
Where is that kerosene heater?
293
00:11:30,538 --> 00:11:31,870
What are you doing?
294
00:11:31,872 --> 00:11:33,872
Uh, nothing!
295
00:11:34,007 --> 00:11:35,540
Just playing with knives!
296
00:11:35,609 --> 00:11:37,943
ADULT MARK: Ritchie wasn't
the sharpest knife in the VCR.
297
00:11:38,012 --> 00:11:39,278
Uh...
298
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,547
It's so rare to have
the family all together,
299
00:11:42,616 --> 00:11:44,283
with no TV to distract us.
300
00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:45,817
This is quality time.
301
00:11:45,952 --> 00:11:48,954
You know, we should be
swapping stories, trading tales,
302
00:11:48,956 --> 00:11:50,555
getting to know each other better!
303
00:11:50,558 --> 00:11:52,224
Well, sure, I know you,
304
00:11:52,293 --> 00:11:54,359
but do I know-know you?
305
00:11:54,361 --> 00:11:57,095
Well, for instance, Dad,
what's your favourite colour?
306
00:11:57,164 --> 00:11:58,429
I dunno.
307
00:11:58,465 --> 00:11:59,497
Plaid.
308
00:11:59,533 --> 00:12:00,565
Ask your mudder.
309
00:12:00,634 --> 00:12:02,167
He's right.
310
00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:04,369
Why be alone on our 20th anniversary
311
00:12:04,371 --> 00:12:06,238
when we can be with family?
312
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:07,506
And Ritchie.
313
00:12:07,508 --> 00:12:08,974
[KNIFE CLANKS DOWN]
314
00:12:09,043 --> 00:12:11,610
All right, what do you wanna know?
315
00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:14,813
Well... is this the
coldest you've ever been?
316
00:12:14,815 --> 00:12:15,981
Good God, no.
317
00:12:16,050 --> 00:12:17,448
This is nothing compared to Greenland.
318
00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:19,183
Greenland?
319
00:12:19,220 --> 00:12:21,586
Oh, when were you in Greenland?
320
00:12:21,589 --> 00:12:23,121
Oh, years ago.
321
00:12:23,157 --> 00:12:25,657
Before I met you. With the Yanks.
322
00:12:25,659 --> 00:12:27,125
You guys don't really want to hear
323
00:12:27,194 --> 00:12:29,527
a bunch of old boring stories
from 30 years ago, do you?
324
00:12:29,529 --> 00:12:32,230
I do!
325
00:12:32,233 --> 00:12:35,400
Well, I worked on some
American bases after the war.
326
00:12:35,535 --> 00:12:37,936
Nothing special, just some...
327
00:12:38,005 --> 00:12:41,206
Office administration.
328
00:12:41,208 --> 00:12:43,474
I'm not supposed to
say, but what the hell.
329
00:12:43,510 --> 00:12:45,944
It was a long time ago now.
330
00:12:46,079 --> 00:12:48,380
In the 60's, I worked at a secret base
331
00:12:48,515 --> 00:12:51,016
under the polar ice cap in Greenland.
332
00:12:51,085 --> 00:12:53,151
Project Ice Worm, they called it.
333
00:12:53,187 --> 00:12:55,219
We had 600 nukes stored there.
334
00:12:55,256 --> 00:12:57,755
You know, in case of a war with Russia.
335
00:12:57,757 --> 00:13:01,693
You don't know cold until
you've experienced Cold War cold.
336
00:13:01,729 --> 00:13:05,229
Anyway, my point is, it was freezing.
337
00:13:05,266 --> 00:13:08,233
You were basically a
henchman in a bond movie!
338
00:13:08,302 --> 00:13:09,901
Mike.
339
00:13:09,903 --> 00:13:12,571
Twenty years of marriage,
and you never told me that!
340
00:13:12,573 --> 00:13:13,738
Nukes!
341
00:13:13,774 --> 00:13:14,939
Cool!
342
00:13:14,975 --> 00:13:16,041
No.
343
00:13:16,110 --> 00:13:17,642
That's not the important part.
344
00:13:17,645 --> 00:13:21,980
The interesting thing
is, it was bitterly cold.
345
00:13:22,115 --> 00:13:25,317
ADULT MARK: I thought I knew
everything about my father.
346
00:13:25,386 --> 00:13:27,452
But I realized I didn't
know much at all.
347
00:13:27,454 --> 00:13:29,054
What else?
348
00:13:29,189 --> 00:13:30,922
You don't really want to hear
all this old stuff, do ya?
349
00:13:30,991 --> 00:13:33,325
ALL: Yes! Please.
350
00:13:33,327 --> 00:13:35,227
[SIGHS] All right.
351
00:13:35,362 --> 00:13:37,729
MIKE SR.: Well, there was
this one time, I got the call.
352
00:13:37,798 --> 00:13:39,164
Yes, sir.
353
00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,199
MIKE SR.: Red alert.
354
00:13:41,335 --> 00:13:43,735
A Russian plane had
wandered into our airspace,
355
00:13:43,737 --> 00:13:46,138
and for the first time
ever, it was all systems go!
356
00:13:46,273 --> 00:13:48,206
POP: Lord almighty!
357
00:13:48,342 --> 00:13:51,543
Oh, it's sweltering in here!
358
00:13:51,612 --> 00:13:54,212
I found these popsicles in the freezer.
359
00:13:54,281 --> 00:13:56,080
You better eat 'em before they melt,
360
00:13:56,116 --> 00:13:58,950
which won't be long in this heat!
361
00:13:58,986 --> 00:14:01,452
Mmm, mm-hm.
362
00:14:01,488 --> 00:14:03,188
Line 2, you're on the air!
363
00:14:03,323 --> 00:14:04,622
MAN: The missus just went into labour
364
00:14:04,692 --> 00:14:06,358
and the ambulance can't get up the road!
365
00:14:06,493 --> 00:14:07,759
Where're you at, sir?
366
00:14:07,761 --> 00:14:09,828
- MAN: Downing Street!
- MIKE JR.: Okay!
367
00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:12,697
Uh, if you can get to Downing
Street, we need shovels!
368
00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:14,499
WOMAN: Honey, my contractions!
369
00:14:14,634 --> 00:14:18,337
[SCREAMS]
370
00:14:18,472 --> 00:14:19,938
Cold?
371
00:14:20,007 --> 00:14:21,573
[EXHALES]
372
00:14:21,642 --> 00:14:24,309
You can't even see your breath in here.
373
00:14:24,378 --> 00:14:26,644
I mean, you crowd, you're so soft.
374
00:14:26,646 --> 00:14:29,781
The great sealing disaster of 1914.
375
00:14:29,817 --> 00:14:33,251
Now, that was cold.
376
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,389
Men died hugging each other for warmth.
377
00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:39,724
They froze like that.
378
00:14:39,793 --> 00:14:41,259
Should have seen them!
379
00:14:41,295 --> 00:14:45,663
Being lowered from the deck
of their ship like statues.
380
00:14:47,634 --> 00:14:51,736
[WIND WHISTLING EERILY]
381
00:14:54,074 --> 00:14:57,409
Mark... if we die,
382
00:14:57,411 --> 00:14:59,310
you're not gonna let
him eat me, will you?
383
00:14:59,380 --> 00:15:00,545
Don't let him distract you!
384
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,547
Think about Porky's. Stay warm that way.
385
00:15:02,682 --> 00:15:04,215
And get that tape out!
386
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:07,018
Okay.
387
00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:10,355
[GRUNTS]
388
00:15:10,357 --> 00:15:12,591
This isn't working!
389
00:15:12,593 --> 00:15:14,225
I think I need something smaller.
390
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:15,894
Oh.
391
00:15:15,896 --> 00:15:18,029
I know. A popsicle stick!
392
00:15:18,031 --> 00:15:20,198
Popsicle stick...
393
00:15:20,234 --> 00:15:24,302
?
394
00:15:24,371 --> 00:15:28,440
?
395
00:15:28,442 --> 00:15:30,041
Pop, you took the heater!
396
00:15:30,043 --> 00:15:31,943
It's a million degrees in here!
397
00:15:31,945 --> 00:15:33,578
Close the door, b'y!
398
00:15:33,713 --> 00:15:35,180
You're letting all the heat out!
399
00:15:37,918 --> 00:15:39,985
Pop was living like
a rotisserie chicken.
400
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:44,456
Pop! You're hogging all the heat!
401
00:15:44,591 --> 00:15:47,425
You know, Bob Barlett
made over 40 expeditions
402
00:15:47,461 --> 00:15:51,296
to the arctic, and he
died warm in his bed.
403
00:15:51,365 --> 00:15:53,298
Do you know how he did that?
404
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,432
How?
405
00:15:54,468 --> 00:15:57,068
POP: Because when the crap hit the fan,
406
00:15:57,070 --> 00:16:00,738
he knew it was every man for himself.
407
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:04,476
ADULT MARK: I was too cold to argue.
408
00:16:04,545 --> 00:16:08,480
?
409
00:16:08,615 --> 00:16:12,016
RITCHIE: I can feel my nose again!
410
00:16:12,152 --> 00:16:14,286
MIKE JR.: [ON RADIO] Dick
Dunphy, if you can hear me...
411
00:16:14,288 --> 00:16:15,887
MIKE SR.: Aah!
412
00:16:16,022 --> 00:16:17,889
MIKE JR.: ... I could really use
a pee, so get back when you can.
413
00:16:18,024 --> 00:16:20,425
Mike Critch Jr., keeping
you company in the dark!
414
00:16:20,494 --> 00:16:22,227
Keep callin' in, folks.
415
00:16:22,229 --> 00:16:23,428
You're really the only way I know
416
00:16:23,497 --> 00:16:24,629
if anyone out there is listening!
417
00:16:24,764 --> 00:16:25,897
You look like a beached whale.
418
00:16:25,966 --> 00:16:27,098
I've gotta get to the station.
419
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:28,699
It's devolved into chaos!
420
00:16:28,735 --> 00:16:30,635
MIKE JR.: [ON RADIO] If
anyone spots a white tabby
421
00:16:30,637 --> 00:16:32,971
in the East End, her
name is Kat with a K.
422
00:16:32,973 --> 00:16:34,705
Sounds like Mike's
handling it just fine.
423
00:16:34,741 --> 00:16:37,375
But I gotta...
424
00:16:37,444 --> 00:16:40,111
You know, every year on our anniversary,
425
00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:42,180
you have to work.
426
00:16:42,315 --> 00:16:46,051
And I say, "that's okay.
It's just our 18th."
427
00:16:46,186 --> 00:16:51,389
Or, "that's fine. It's only our 19th."
428
00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:54,526
Well, now it's our 20th
friggin' anniversary,
429
00:16:54,528 --> 00:16:56,595
and the only thing
that gets your attention
430
00:16:56,597 --> 00:17:00,064
is that packin' radio!
431
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,066
Mary?
432
00:17:02,135 --> 00:17:04,936
Mary!
433
00:17:04,938 --> 00:17:06,671
[GRUNTS]
434
00:17:06,673 --> 00:17:08,206
MIKE JR.: [ON RADIO]
Okay, what else? Um...
435
00:17:08,275 --> 00:17:10,342
Oh, Bell Island ferries
are tied up for the night.
436
00:17:10,477 --> 00:17:12,277
ADULT MARK: It took a
blackout to make Dad
437
00:17:12,279 --> 00:17:13,545
finally see the light.
438
00:17:13,614 --> 00:17:16,014
[GRUNTING]
439
00:17:16,016 --> 00:17:18,616
?
440
00:17:20,721 --> 00:17:22,753
Next caller, you're on!
441
00:17:22,789 --> 00:17:25,557
MAYOR: This is the mayor calling.
442
00:17:25,559 --> 00:17:27,359
Mr. Mayor! Hello, sir!
443
00:17:27,494 --> 00:17:29,027
Wha... what can I do for you?
444
00:17:29,162 --> 00:17:31,763
MAYOR: Firstly, I want to
thank you and everyone at VOCM.
445
00:17:31,898 --> 00:17:34,232
You're the only station
still on the air.
446
00:17:34,367 --> 00:17:35,833
We are?
447
00:17:35,869 --> 00:17:37,602
MAYOR: And condolences on
the loss of your father.
448
00:17:37,671 --> 00:17:38,937
Big shoes to fill.
449
00:17:39,006 --> 00:17:40,972
Oh, no, here's the thing. He's not...
450
00:17:40,974 --> 00:17:42,574
[PHONE HANGS UP]
451
00:17:42,576 --> 00:17:44,976
And that was an exclusive
update from Mayor Murphy
452
00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:47,445
on the only station still on the air.
453
00:17:47,481 --> 00:17:48,846
So I guess...
454
00:17:48,882 --> 00:17:50,515
We're number one!
455
00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:53,918
This is Mike Critch for
the VOCM News Service.
456
00:17:55,922 --> 00:17:57,088
Junior!
457
00:17:57,090 --> 00:17:59,290
Mike Critch, Junior.
458
00:17:59,326 --> 00:18:01,893
Pop? Would you like a candle?
459
00:18:01,895 --> 00:18:03,361
You shaggers!
460
00:18:03,363 --> 00:18:06,664
Hey, don't tell Mike
and come and join us.
461
00:18:06,733 --> 00:18:10,201
Pick it up.
462
00:18:10,203 --> 00:18:12,470
- MARY: Boys, pick it up!
- MARK: Mom!
463
00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:14,472
- MARY: Move!
- MARK: Okay, okay, okay.
464
00:18:14,608 --> 00:18:17,342
Never in my life have
I seen such selfish,
465
00:18:17,477 --> 00:18:20,945
greedy buggers as you lot!
466
00:18:20,948 --> 00:18:23,081
What the frig are you doing there?
467
00:18:23,216 --> 00:18:25,617
Happy 20th anniversary, Mary.
468
00:18:25,752 --> 00:18:28,853
There's nobody I'd
rather be trapped with.
469
00:18:28,889 --> 00:18:33,825
Did you crawl all that way to do this?
470
00:18:33,894 --> 00:18:36,427
Oh...
471
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:39,163
?
472
00:18:39,199 --> 00:18:40,765
POP: Don't blow it out!
473
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,700
Argh, it's freezing in here!
474
00:18:42,769 --> 00:18:44,168
Come here.
475
00:18:44,237 --> 00:18:47,372
Remember what Captain Bob Bartlett said:
476
00:18:47,507 --> 00:18:50,575
It's important to share bodily heat.
477
00:18:50,577 --> 00:18:53,544
Didn't he say it was
every man for himself?
478
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:54,779
- POP: Did he?
- MARK: Yeah.
479
00:18:54,914 --> 00:18:56,314
POP: I don't remember that.
480
00:18:56,383 --> 00:18:58,650
But my brain is frozen.
481
00:18:58,652 --> 00:19:00,118
Here.
482
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:03,454
Oh, good.
483
00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:07,859
I'm so sorry your
anniversary got ruined, Mom.
484
00:19:07,994 --> 00:19:10,728
You know, there's no better
way for me to spend it.
485
00:19:10,864 --> 00:19:12,897
Just me and my family.
486
00:19:12,899 --> 00:19:14,232
And Ritchie.
487
00:19:14,367 --> 00:19:16,067
Yes!
488
00:19:16,202 --> 00:19:17,368
[QUIETLY] Oh, nice.
489
00:19:17,437 --> 00:19:20,238
It's nice to be included.
490
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,474
ADULT MARK: I had started
asking questions to stall,
491
00:19:22,609 --> 00:19:27,078
but now I was asking
questions to listen.
492
00:19:27,114 --> 00:19:29,113
Mom, when did you two meet?
493
00:19:29,149 --> 00:19:33,584
Well, that was a long, long time ago.
494
00:19:33,654 --> 00:19:36,888
I had just gotten my first apartment.
495
00:19:36,957 --> 00:19:39,090
And so, the fella who
used to live there,
496
00:19:39,225 --> 00:19:43,161
he showed up at my door
and he wanted his mail.
497
00:19:43,163 --> 00:19:47,832
So we got to talking, and
I gave him his letters,
498
00:19:47,868 --> 00:19:50,368
and then he came back the next week.
499
00:19:50,370 --> 00:19:53,538
And the week after that.
500
00:19:53,673 --> 00:19:56,408
Eventually he asked me out to lunch.
501
00:19:56,543 --> 00:19:59,110
I kept mailing myself
letters so I'd have an excuse
502
00:19:59,112 --> 00:20:02,714
to talk to the gorgeous
girl in apartment 5.
503
00:20:02,849 --> 00:20:06,818
You never told me that!
504
00:20:06,953 --> 00:20:09,688
MARK: Well... He's
good at keeping secrets.
505
00:20:09,823 --> 00:20:12,691
I mean, after all, he
was basically a spy.
506
00:20:12,826 --> 00:20:15,326
ADULT MARK: Telling
secrets, sharing stories...
507
00:20:15,395 --> 00:20:17,395
connecting with the people in your life
508
00:20:17,397 --> 00:20:19,964
can make the dark times seem brighter.
509
00:20:20,033 --> 00:20:21,232
[ALL GASP]
510
00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:23,068
- MARY: The power's back!
- POP: Hallelujah!
511
00:20:23,203 --> 00:20:24,736
Turn the bloody heat up!
512
00:20:24,738 --> 00:20:25,804
MIKE JR.: Hey!
513
00:20:25,939 --> 00:20:27,138
MARY: Oh, thank God!
514
00:20:27,273 --> 00:20:30,575
You're back in one piece, my radio star!
515
00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:31,943
I didn't really do all that much.
516
00:20:32,078 --> 00:20:33,945
I just let everyone else do the talking.
517
00:20:33,947 --> 00:20:36,748
Ah, the most important part
of reporting isn't talking.
518
00:20:36,750 --> 00:20:38,883
It's listening.
519
00:20:39,018 --> 00:20:41,385
Oh, that reminds me: The news!
520
00:20:41,421 --> 00:20:43,354
ADULT MARK: The best
movies I'd ever seen
521
00:20:43,356 --> 00:20:46,357
lived in my family's memories.
522
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:50,562
Who needed Porky's when you
had stories about Bob Bartlett,
523
00:20:50,564 --> 00:20:54,665
secret bases, and romance?
524
00:20:54,735 --> 00:20:56,901
You know, there's a part
of me that almost wishes
525
00:20:57,036 --> 00:21:01,139
that the power would go back out.
526
00:21:01,274 --> 00:21:03,908
Yeah, me too.
527
00:21:04,043 --> 00:21:05,910
Oh, sweet! You guys got Porky's!
528
00:21:06,045 --> 00:21:07,978
- MARK: No, don't!
- RITCHIE: No!
529
00:21:08,014 --> 00:21:11,115
MIKE SR.: Oh no, that's just
some old cartoon the kids got.
530
00:21:11,118 --> 00:21:15,453
[UPBEAT FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
531
00:21:15,588 --> 00:21:18,189
Good God, is that a boob?
532
00:21:31,605 --> 00:21:35,807
?
533
00:21:35,942 --> 00:21:40,011
?
534
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:44,215
?
535
00:21:44,284 --> 00:21:47,885
?
536
00:21:47,954 --> 00:21:51,388
?
537
00:21:51,438 --> 00:21:55,988
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