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1
00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:05,005
♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,926
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,638
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
4
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,226
♪ morning show theme ♪
5
00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:19,645
I can see there's music
6
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:21,480
and love in the air.
[Jesse laughs]
7
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,357
How's the tour going?
8
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,776
- [sputters]
- Uh, well, um, let's see.
9
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:28,070
- I'm back with my man.
- Me!
10
00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,363
[Meredith laughs]
11
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,698
And tomorrow night,
we play a sold-out show on Long Island.
12
00:00:32,698 --> 00:00:35,702
So, I'd say it's going pretty good.
13
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,580
[forced laugh] Uh, you think?
14
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,207
Aren't they adorable?
15
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,668
You can catch them
tomorrow night in Massapequa.
16
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:44,169
You can catch me,
17
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,421
Sandy Rivers, on the entertainment beat.
18
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,925
Demoted because of some
unproven accusations,
19
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:53,095
which, even if true, would be
perfectly legal in the states
20
00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:56,390
in which the alleged incidents took place.
21
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:00,269
That's my brother.
22
00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:01,937
That's my brother in there!
23
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:05,357
Can you believe I was in his first band,
Sunny D and the Crazy Straw?
24
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,192
And guess who the Crazy Straw was?
25
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,361
Me! I was the straw.
26
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,655
Ellen, I know that you're excited,
but what we just watched
27
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,448
was very painful for someone in this room.
28
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:16,034
Oh, thanks, but I'm fine. I've moved on.
29
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,787
What? No. We all know that
you can toggle breezily through gentlemen.
30
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:19,830
I meant Sid.
31
00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:23,876
I'm fine, too! Jesse and I are fighting,
but we'll get through it.
32
00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:27,504
We're like boyzzz.
That's "boys" with three Z's.
33
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,214
If it was two Z's, I'd be worried.
34
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,216
- [phone buzzing]
- Uh, Soph?
35
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,843
Why is my mom texting you?
36
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,720
Oh, because we're visiting
your parents tomorrow
37
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:35,888
before Jesse's show.
38
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,890
What? How do I not know this?
39
00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:39,850
'Cause you're not on the group chat.
40
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,269
It's called "Text Appeal."
Your dad made it up.
41
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,647
He could legit do stand-up!
42
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,108
I was crazy about Val's parents.
43
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,695
They were sweet, funny,
madly in love, and hot.
44
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,739
Oh, really, really hot.
45
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:57,284
They went from
King and Queen of Massapequa High
46
00:01:57,284 --> 00:02:00,829
to King and Queen
of Long Island Real Estate.
47
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,832
But it wasn't so easy
being their daughter.
48
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,668
They found love quickly,
49
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,545
and they wanted Val to do the same.
50
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:11,423
So they tried to find it for her.
51
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:12,591
Over...
52
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,885
♪
53
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,178
...and over...
54
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:18,347
♪
55
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,515
...and over.
56
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,478
No setups this time, they promised.
But we should get home
57
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,105
because I wanna exfoliate
before I see your parents tomorrow.
58
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,566
One time, they were like,
"Sophie, you're glowing."
59
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:30,984
And I want that to happen again.
60
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,654
Yeah, we should get going, too.
61
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,447
Stay strong, Sid.
62
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,699
Mwah! You'll get through this.
63
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,494
I'll never turn down a head kiss,
but I am fine.
64
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,995
Enjoy the concert.
65
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:48,669
Okay! Alone.
66
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:50,420
No big deal.
67
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,298
Is it weird that I'm talking to myself?
68
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:55,008
[thinking]:
Boom!
69
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,844
Now, I'm being normal.
70
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,555
Yeah, I'm being normal as hell right now.
71
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,598
[demonic voice]:
Are you?
72
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,600
[normal voice]:
Nah, j-just messing with you, bro.
73
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,145
♪
74
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:10,274
This is so cool!
75
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,484
I've never been in a green room before.
76
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:15,112
Where do you think they came up
with the term "green room"?
77
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,364
I mean, I don't see anything... Hey!
78
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,241
You're in a conversation. Act like it.
79
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,492
Sorry.
80
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,494
I have devised a brilliant plan
81
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:25,038
to reunite Sid and Jesse
and save their friendship.
82
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,541
The last time you devised
a brilliant plan, you killed our fish.
83
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,043
- Herman died for science!
- You tickling him is not science!
84
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,461
We know that now!
85
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,463
Ch-- Charlie. It's worth asking.
86
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,465
Are you a little less smart
than you think you are?
87
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,260
It's okay!
I'm dumber than I think, too!
88
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,928
Hey! Hey, hey! You made it.
How cool is this?
89
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,388
Um, so cool.
90
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,432
Oh, hey, you see this giant wine glass
full of Sun Chips?
91
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:46,101
Those are for me. I requested them.
92
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,645
Not the wine glass.
That was all Larry, our catering guy.
93
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,315
He, uh, is all about whimsy.
Loves an unconventional vessel.
94
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,692
Oh, you're right. Look at that fedora
full of chicken fingers.
95
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,444
- Exactly.
- Hi.
96
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,154
- Hey!
- Hi.
97
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,281
One more post for social media. Sorry.
98
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,116
Promise, this is the last one of the day.
99
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,242
No.
100
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,787
I'm sorry. I promise this is
one of the last ones of the day?
101
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,039
No.
102
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,290
Sorry.
103
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,293
Be right back. Don't judge. [laughs]
104
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,419
Judge what?
105
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,671
Candid kiss, take one.
106
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:21,553
- Oh, my God! Get that thing outta here!
- Whoa!
107
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:24,932
Whoa! Just let us be us.
Artists and songwriters.
108
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,476
- Got it.
- Thanks, babe.
109
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,478
Yikes.
110
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,105
[clattering]
111
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,651
Wow. Larry!
112
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,070
You whimsical bitch.
113
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,614
♪
114
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,699
JUAN:
No one could sell that house.
115
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,786
But, when the Polinskys heard us
talking about a mystery bidder,
116
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,746
they gave us 20 over asking.
117
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,540
Oh! Who's the mystery bidder?
118
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:53,043
There wasn't one.
They lied, because they're liars.
119
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:56,213
You call it a lie.
I call it a truth zhuzh.
120
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,756
I'd like to zhuzh you right now.
121
00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:58,757
[giggles]
122
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,928
- Stop it.
- Oh, you guys are so bad!
123
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:06,014
It's true. We're bad.
Th-that's true about us.
124
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,766
[doorbell rings]
125
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,351
Who's that?
126
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,144
You're setting me up! I hate you!
127
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,647
- We're not setting you up.
- We're setting Sophie up.
128
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,733
- What?!
- Wha...
129
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,736
- Wait till Oscar sees you.
- You are glowing.
130
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,739
Oh, my God.
I didn't even, like, do anything.
131
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,533
♪
132
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:28,745
♪
133
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:31,373
Rank your top 10
worst meals you've ever had.
134
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,334
Sid, I have to assist
a surgery this afternoon,
135
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,171
and if I don't get a little more sleep,
I might Dr. Death someone.
136
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:39,006
Yeah, that sounds so stressful.
137
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,507
What are some of the mistakes
you might make?
138
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:41,550
Just give me a quick top five.
139
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,052
Oh, my God,
you can be alone for one day, alright?
140
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,430
I believe in you. I love you. Mwah!
141
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:47,806
[scoffs]
142
00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:51,935
[sighs]
143
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,104
SID [thinking]:
Okay. One day alone.
144
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:57,649
Or maybe tons
now that Jesse's famous and hates you.
145
00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:00,527
Relax. You are fine.
146
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:01,778
[sighs]
You don't need Jesse.
147
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,197
[knocking]
Jesse?!
148
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:10,913
- Cookies.
- That's what I think they are, too.
149
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:15,709
"I'm sorry for everything,
please come to my show, J."
150
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,670
Did the guy who ordered this
sound British?
151
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,047
Yeah. Upper crust, for sure.
152
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:20,714
Huh?
153
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:22,758
I'm on season four of The Crown.
154
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:23,884
Right.
155
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,803
You see, my friend is upset
that I'm in a little fight
156
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,430
with my other friend,
but it's gonna be okay.
157
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,015
He just needs some time.
158
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,600
- Okay...
- The point is, like,
159
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,101
- I'm not lonely.
- Okay.
160
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,478
♪
161
00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:37,356
So you own an escrow company?
162
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:38,815
I love escrow.
163
00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:42,402
I'll give you $1 million
if you could tell me what it is.
164
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,947
Escrow is...
165
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:47,908
Siri, what's escrow?
166
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,536
OSCAR: Hey, I can hear you!
SOPHIE: No, you can't!
167
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:55,332
So, what made you wanna
set Oscar up with Sophie?
168
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,668
Oh, he's just really, really special,
169
00:06:57,668 --> 00:06:59,253
and we didn't want him to go to waste.
170
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,922
And setting him up with me
would have been a waste?
171
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,383
You told us that you didn't
want us setting you up anymore.
172
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:05,968
What, so we're listening to me now?
173
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:08,512
We've accepted that you're
not the relationship type.
174
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,516
I mean, you're 30, and you've
only had one serious boyfriend.
175
00:07:12,516 --> 00:07:14,184
If that.
176
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,602
Wait, what?
177
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:19,565
We have questions about this "Charlie."
178
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:24,111
An "aristocrat" who
"left his life in London" for you?
179
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,780
Oh, my God!
Do you guys not think he's real?
180
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,323
Course we think he's "real."
181
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:30,701
I showed you a picture of him.
182
00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:34,079
You showed us a picture of... a person.
183
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,331
[scoffs]
184
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,084
[both laugh]
185
00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:40,878
[Spanish accent]:
Oscar...
186
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,004
Oye.
187
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,381
¿Quieres ver mi cuarto?
188
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,259
I'm sorry, Val.
Do you care to repeat
189
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:50,512
that sexy-sounding phrase
just a little more slowly?
190
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,639
Siri, translate this.
191
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,976
- Hey.
- Hey.
192
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,479
So, we've commissioned
some new visuals
193
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,981
for when you perform Jay Street.
194
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,232
[clears throat] Okay.
195
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:06,236
MEREDITH [singing]:
♪ I should have gotten off the train at Jay Street ♪
196
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,863
♪ 'Cause I wanna be... ♪
197
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:09,823
W-where did you get this stuff?
198
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,201
From me.
Look how cute we are.
199
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:14,328
♪ ...I can hear your heartbeat ♪
200
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,038
♪ Then I realize ♪
201
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:19,333
♪ I'm just missing Jay Street ♪
202
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:23,629
Wow!
A-a-and that's in there, too, huh?
203
00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:25,088
Good to go?
204
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,965
- Actually--
- Oh, we love it--
205
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,967
Oh, I'm sorry, Jesse,
did you have a quick thought?
206
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,846
No. Uh, no. Forget it.
207
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,224
Thanks.
208
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,397
- This is bad.
- Indeed.
209
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:45,150
But on the bright side,
my plan has entered phase three.
210
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,402
I need some hat chicken.
211
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:52,533
And hip, hip, hip,
212
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,494
hip... pow.
213
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:59,748
Well, Val,
very cool of you to show us
214
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,291
that new dance move
you just came up with.
215
00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:04,294
Can we talk for a second?
216
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,504
What are you doing?
217
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:09,049
We don't hit on each other's dates!
It's in the Ride or Die handbook.
218
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,884
First off, there's no actual handbook.
219
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,095
Uh, there will be as soon as
I get a ride to Kinkos.
220
00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:15,180
And this doesn't count.
221
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,266
He's only your date
because of my insane parents.
222
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,935
Your parents aren't insane!
They're amazing!
223
00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,728
You are lucky to have parents
224
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,397
that even care about who you date.
225
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,607
The closest my mom ever came
to setting me up
226
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:28,318
was when she taped her weed to my thigh
on the way to LaGuardia.
227
00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:31,989
If you love them so much,
why don't you just ask them to adopt you?
228
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,408
I have looked into it, and I'm too old.
229
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,577
[sighs]
230
00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:40,163
Look, I'm sorry, but I have
to prove to my parents
231
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,665
that I'm good enough for Oscar.
232
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:45,460
So you're gonna steal the first guy
that I felt a spark with since Jesse?
233
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:48,046
Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do.
234
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:51,633
♪
235
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,555
♪
236
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:58,348
So, that Jay Street video...
237
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,558
[Jesse scoffs]
238
00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,311
I could have sworn I saw
the most painful moment
239
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,563
in your life in there.
Are we loving that?
240
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,023
No, we're not.
241
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:07,149
Did you tell Meredith?
242
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,526
I-I-I can't.
243
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,777
She's got enough on her plate,
244
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,030
and I don't wanna bother her
with my... stuff.
245
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:14,865
A-and by stuff, you mean your feelings?
246
00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:16,533
Yes.
247
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:19,494
Hey, remember that band
we had when we were little?
248
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,288
Sunny D and the Crazy Straw?
249
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,665
Yeah. How could I forget?
Nobody harmonized like you did.
250
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:24,499
I know.
251
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:26,627
BOTH [harmonizing]:
Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
252
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,962
- Hoo. Still got it. Mm-hmm.
- Still got it. [laughs]
253
00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:31,423
You know what my
favorite song you wrote was?
254
00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:32,925
Jesse's A Boy's Name, Too?
255
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:35,219
Mega Amazing Lady.
256
00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:36,970
I don't remember that one.
257
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,931
You wrote it when you had
that crazy crush
258
00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:40,766
on Molly Marcus. Uh...
259
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,769
♪ You make my life a silly dance ♪
260
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:46,063
♪ You make me fine with wearing pants ♪
261
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,856
♪ I'll marry you in Paris, France ♪
262
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,566
♪ A mega amazing lady ♪
263
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,943
- That song was about Mom.
- Ew!
264
00:10:50,943 --> 00:10:52,819
- Yeah.
- Not Molly Marcus?
265
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,614
No, that was just
a straight-up love song
266
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:56,907
about marrying our mother in Paris.
267
00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,659
- Why Paris?
- She loves Paris.
268
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:01,161
- Okay, pushing past that.
- Yes.
269
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:06,708
You deserve someone
who makes your life a silly dance.
270
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:10,629
And maybe Meredith's that person,
271
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:12,381
or maybe she's not.
272
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:14,049
But, the only way to know for sure
273
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:17,010
is to tell her how you feel
and see what she does.
274
00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:21,849
Yeah, you're right. [sighs]
275
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,350
♪
276
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,603
So, I hear you're the man
who can get me a house.
277
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,689
Oh. Are you looking to buy?
[Valentina laughs]
278
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,941
No, I'm broke. I'm looking to squat.
279
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,568
I'm good at it. Wanna see?
280
00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:36,071
[Sophie clears throat]
281
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,906
Oh, sorry. We, uh,
282
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:40,659
just sold a three-plus-two
in Great Neck, so we're making out.
283
00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:43,203
Oh, yeah, I get it.
I don't know what a three-plus-two is,
284
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,580
but I'd make out with either one of you.
285
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:46,081
- We know.
- You made that clear.
286
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,793
Wait. Why aren't you with Oscar?
287
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:53,255
[scoffs] Because of little miss
"Hips, Hips, Hips, Pow"!
288
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:57,009
She doesn't even like him.
She just doesn't like that he likes me.
289
00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:00,304
You know what?
This is not Val's decision.
290
00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:01,930
This is Sophie's choice.
291
00:12:04,308 --> 00:12:06,310
- I don't think she knows the reference.
- No.
292
00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:09,438
You can't just take
whatever you want from me!
293
00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:12,107
You know, I can't believe I ever
thought that you were my "ride or die."
294
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:15,194
[mocking]: "I can't believe I ever
thought that you were my ride or die!"
295
00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:17,112
That's it. You know, I'm done.
296
00:12:17,112 --> 00:12:18,947
If this is the kind of friend
that you are,
297
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,240
then get outta my life!
298
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,327
Bitch, you don't have a life.
How can I get out of it?
299
00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:24,494
- Girls, please--
- That's it.
300
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,872
You know what? You have two weeks
to get out of my apartment.
301
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:29,458
Screw ride or die. I choose die!
302
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:30,667
[Sophie grunts]
303
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,544
- Okay! Okay! Everyone, stop! Stop!
- Stop.
304
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:34,004
RAQUEL:
Alright.
305
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:35,714
This is all our fault.
306
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,758
W-we set Oscar up with Sophie
307
00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,636
because we knew you would get
jealous and want him for yourself.
308
00:12:40,636 --> 00:12:42,429
But we never meant
to destroy your friendship.
309
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,765
[scoffs] Don't worry.
310
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,808
You didn't. We were acting.
311
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,603
And our performances were...
312
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:53,232
I-I thought we were gonna say
"Oscar-worthy" at the same time.
313
00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:55,859
I know, but you tagged me
pretty good here.
314
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:56,985
Oh, my God, Sophie!
315
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,321
- I'm so sorry!
- Hold on. What's happening?
316
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,031
SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
Yeah, what is happening?
317
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:04,326
I told you about our talk
in Val's bedroom,
318
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:06,620
but I didn't tell you about all of it.
319
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,580
I'm playing with structure here.
320
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,749
Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.
321
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:13,794
[scoffs]
322
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,299
I don't know what I'm saying.
323
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,011
I would never choose a guy over you.
324
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:23,762
[gasps]
325
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:26,598
God, my parents just know
how to get under my skin, and--
326
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:30,060
Oh, my God!
327
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,813
They're doing me
like they did the Polinskys!
328
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:34,731
They knew I wouldn't go for Oscar,
329
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,150
so they created a competitive situation!
330
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,485
[gasps]
331
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:39,903
Those beautiful bastards.
332
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:40,988
[angry growl]
333
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,532
So, you faked a fight to get back at us?
334
00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:45,993
Hell yeah, we did.
You can't just mess with us that way.
335
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,327
Uh--
336
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,289
Oh, Oscar, I am so sorry.
You must be so confused.
337
00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:51,999
Not really.
338
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:55,460
And then I'll say,
"Screw ride or die! I choose die!"
339
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,546
A-and then,
you should punch her in the stomach.
340
00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:59,339
- Yes!
- Yeah.
341
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,967
- But not really, though, right?
- We'll figure it out.
342
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,386
Et tu, Oscar?
343
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,388
After all the escrows we've given you.
344
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:09,391
I'm sorry, guys.
Congrats on Great Neck, by the way.
345
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,436
That was fun. [laughs]
346
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:15,355
Weird, but fun. I'll call you?
347
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,941
Awesome.
You mean text me, right?
348
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,109
Yeah. I'm not one of those.
349
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,195
Oh! [laughs] Thank God.
350
00:14:21,195 --> 00:14:23,322
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
351
00:14:23,322 --> 00:14:25,616
♪
352
00:14:26,325 --> 00:14:28,285
Hey! It's me, Jesse.
353
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:31,914
- From the relationship!
- Oh, Jesse! I've heard of you. What's up?
354
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:34,625
[clears throat]
Uh, it-it's about that video.
355
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:38,420
Um, is there any way that we could maybe
not play it during the show?
356
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,590
It's just there's real stuff in there.
Stuff that was...
357
00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:42,841
hard for me to live through.
358
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:45,511
I know, it's real. That's what
makes it resonate with my fans.
359
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,389
Okay, uh, I know, b-but look, um...
360
00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:52,935
[whistles] Hey. [laughs]
361
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,646
I've put up with the weird interviews
and the posed kisses,
362
00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:58,023
a-and I put up with Trina dropping hints
363
00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:01,235
that I'm "too tall," which, I mean,
what am I supposed to do, get surgery?
364
00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:04,071
And who's gonna pay for that?
You know what? That's not the point.
365
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:06,573
If you wanna keep the rest, that's fine.
Just not the proposal.
366
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,575
I-I-I don't want the most
painful moment of my life
367
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,661
to be publicized. Again.
368
00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:12,704
Jesse...
369
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:14,706
Jay Street is my biggest song.
370
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:15,541
Right.
371
00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:19,044
And the proposal is what makes it work.
372
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:23,173
It's gotta stay. You'll get used to it.
373
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,593
Just like I got used to
these magnetic eyelashes.
374
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,513
They gave you temporary blindness.
375
00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:31,390
Exactly.
376
00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:32,724
Temporary.
377
00:15:40,566 --> 00:15:41,900
I feel terrible.
378
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,194
We should never have
used you like that, Sophie.
379
00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,071
Oh, thanks.
380
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:48,365
But, I'm not the one
you should be apologizing to.
381
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:49,366
Oh, you're right.
382
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,660
I'm sorry I led you down
that path, my love.
383
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,454
No! I meant Val!
384
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,331
[laughs] Apologize to Val!
385
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:57,624
We were just trying to help her.
386
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,127
I mean, she's so lonely,
she's making up boyfriends.
387
00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:03,881
They think I made up "Charlie."
Now I'm doing it.
388
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,884
What? Guys!
389
00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:08,135
[scoffs]
390
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:11,430
Listen, we all want to meet
the love of our life at 16,
391
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:14,683
but the world is just not
that simple anymore.
392
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:16,643
She's right. Life is hard.
393
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,645
Which is why we hate that
you have to do it on your own.
394
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,273
I mean, your mother and I have
had each other our entire lives.
395
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:24,443
We've shared the same outgoing message
since the '80s.
396
00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:25,652
Guys!
397
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,572
Look, don't get me wrong.
What you two have is awesome.
398
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:30,908
And maybe one day, I'll find that, too.
399
00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:34,328
Maybe I already found it,
and I have to find my way back to it.
400
00:16:34,328 --> 00:16:38,123
But, either way, for now, I'm good.
401
00:16:38,749 --> 00:16:40,751
- Okay. Mm.
- She's so strong.
402
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:43,795
Look, if it makes you two dorks
feel better, I'm not alone.
403
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,923
Oh, yeah? She hooks up all the time.
404
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:48,717
The other day,
she took down a literal giant.
405
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,678
Oh. Oh, you mean me?
406
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,555
[Valentina grunts]
Aw!
407
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:58,268
Like a-a New York Giant
or an actual giant?
408
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,270
Whatever helps you sleep, my love.
409
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:02,981
[indistinct chatter]
410
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,983
- Have you seen Jesse?
- Uh, no,
411
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:08,654
but I imagine he's probably backstage
reuniting with Sid.
412
00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:09,988
Charles, God knows I love you,
413
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,615
but I don't think your
little plan's gonna do it.
414
00:17:11,615 --> 00:17:14,284
Hm. You think me such a fool.
415
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,453
Sweet, naive Eleanor.
416
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:17,913
Not Eleanor. Just Ellen.
417
00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,998
- Is it really? How drab.
- Mm-hmm.
418
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:24,795
Okay, so first,
I sent Sid cookies from Jesse.
419
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:27,297
And what, my dear girl,
420
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:30,133
does one tend to consume with cookies?
421
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,761
ELLEN: Milk?
CHARLIE: Precisely.
422
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:35,681
But the target struggles
to digest dairy products.
423
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:38,475
So he heads straight to
the bathroom for his Lactaid pills.
424
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,269
The only problem?
425
00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:44,189
I took them to lead him on
to the next phase of my trap.
426
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,525
I also took his vape pen.
427
00:17:46,525 --> 00:17:48,861
Was not part of the plan.
It's just a nasty habit.
428
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,363
Sid's desire for more Lactaid
429
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,824
leads him to the bodega downstairs.
430
00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:56,493
While in line,
he sees a vibrant male friendship
431
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:58,120
played by Trevor and Amit,
432
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:01,290
my friends from abs class who agreed
to perform solely for the attention.
433
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:05,502
Their depiction of male revelry
will make Sid ache for his Jesse,
434
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:08,672
and send him straight here to Massapequa.
435
00:18:09,423 --> 00:18:10,632
You're sharper than I thought!
436
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:14,511
Indeed, my dear Eleanor. Sorry.
Just Ellen. Yeah, again, sharp.
437
00:18:15,554 --> 00:18:18,056
And look who's here right on time...
438
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,141
Oh, it's you two.
439
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,810
[crowd cheering]
440
00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:25,230
MEREDITH [over speaker]:
Hello, Long Island!
441
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:28,901
- Jesse looks great!
- Yeah!
442
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:31,570
Wait. Is that Jesse?
443
00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:36,366
MEREDITH: Guys,
I'm gonna need all your love tonight.
444
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:37,743
My man walked out on me.
445
00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:40,829
[crowd gasps, boos]
446
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:42,039
Woo!
447
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:45,042
♪ muffled music ♪
448
00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:52,633
[cell phone ringtone]
449
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:53,884
Sid?
450
00:18:55,219 --> 00:18:59,181
2020s Bro-speak is a lost dialect.
451
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:01,308
So, I will translate
452
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,435
the following conversation for you.
453
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:05,812
♪ muffled singing ♪
454
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,064
Bro.
455
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:15,322
Man.
456
00:19:22,538 --> 00:19:24,039
Ah, dude...
457
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:44,101
[laughs]
458
00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:49,398
Well, well, well.
459
00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:51,733
Look who's reunited.
460
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,111
You are welcome.
461
00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:55,445
For what?
462
00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:57,698
For restoring your friendship.
463
00:19:58,115 --> 00:20:00,742
A cookie basket,
a Lactaid thief,
464
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,244
two bros in a bodega.
465
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,955
I led Sid here every step of the way.
466
00:20:04,955 --> 00:20:06,915
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
467
00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:10,335
I did have a cookie
'cause I was bummed out.
468
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,088
I tasted walnuts,
but I'm allergic to walnuts.
469
00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:15,966
So I went looking for my EpiPen,
but it wasn't there.
470
00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:19,011
And as I lay there,
hoping the EMTs would arrive
471
00:20:19,011 --> 00:20:21,305
before I die of anaphylactic shock,
472
00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:23,223
I realized how dumb
it would have been to die
473
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,350
without ever seeing
my best friend on tour.
474
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,227
Did, um...
475
00:20:28,437 --> 00:20:29,897
Did the EMTs...
476
00:20:30,981 --> 00:20:33,817
D-did I die this afternoon?
Is that your question?
477
00:20:35,152 --> 00:20:36,361
No, dude, I did not!
478
00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:38,030
EMTs arrived in time,
479
00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:39,907
and as soon as my throat opened up,
480
00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:41,742
I-I got in a car, and I came right here.
481
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,703
Still don't know what happened
to my EpiPen, though.
482
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,752
CHARLIE:
I thought it was a vape.
483
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:53,921
There we go.
484
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:58,926
- I'm a monster.
- No! No, you're not. You're...
485
00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:01,345
You're just bad at identifying objects.
486
00:21:01,345 --> 00:21:04,139
I should call Trevor and Amit
and tell them to stand down.
487
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:06,058
It's been hours.
I'm sure they left.
488
00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:07,935
Did the guy come?
489
00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:10,354
No idea, bro. Hey.
490
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,650
- How am I looking?
- Good. Me?
491
00:21:14,650 --> 00:21:15,943
[scoffs] Good, bro. Nice and tight.
492
00:21:15,943 --> 00:21:17,653
- [both laugh]
- Friendship's awesome.
493
00:21:17,653 --> 00:21:18,695
Hell yeah, it is.
494
00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:20,072
[friendly grunting]
495
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:24,868
♪ I should've gotten off
the train at Jay Street ♪
496
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:28,789
♪ 'Cause I wanna be where the tracks
and the pavement meet ♪
497
00:21:28,789 --> 00:21:33,126
♪ Sometimes I still think
I can hear your heartbeat ♪
498
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:34,878
♪ Then I realize ♪
499
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:40,843
♪ I'm just missing Jay Street ♪
500
00:21:41,802 --> 00:21:45,055
♪ Jay Street ♪
501
00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:50,894
♪ Ooh, Jay Street... ♪
502
00:21:50,944 --> 00:21:55,494
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