Original subtitles

[Indistinct chattering]

[Sentimental music playing]

[Music distorts]

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

[Grunts softly]

- [Mumbling indistinctly] - [Indistinct chattering over TV]

[Sighs]

[Continues mumbling indistinctly]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Waymond] Uh...

[Waymond gasps]

[Cell phone chiming]

[In English] I have to finish all this...

[Continues in mandarin]

[In English] You should go in to steam the tablecloths for tonight.

I'm going to paint over that water stain in the ceiling.

- [Speaking mandarin] - [Bell rings]

[Waymond exclaims]

Huh? Oh.

[In English] Like, this afternoon?

- [Evelyn] Five minutes. - What?

[Speaking mandarin]

[Waymond speaks mandarin]

[In English] Which paint did you use?

[Waymond speaks mandarin]

[Evelyn mocking]

- [Sentimental music playing] - [Evelyn sighs]

[Gong gong speaking cantonese]

- [Speaking mandarin] - [Doorbell buzzing]

[In English] Joy is here?

Go set the table. He must be hungry.

[Speaking mandarin]

- [In English] We talk later? - [Door slams]

[Sighs]

Hey... hey.

Thank you for doing this.

You look really pretty right now.

- Oh, you like this-this hot mormon look? - [Chuckling]

I'm just telling you now in case my mom says something dumb,

like you're fat or whatever.

I thought you said when she says shit like that, it means she cares.

- Hi, Evelyn. Mrs. Wang! - Hey, mom.

I only cook enough food for three people. Now I have to cook more.

It's joy. She brought Becky.

[Speaking mandarin]

- [Knocking on door] - [Door opens]

- [Joy, in English] Hi. - Hi, honey!

Hi, Mr. Wang!

Hi, Becky. Thank you for coming.

Please call me waymond. Here, sit.

[Evelyn] You know, he doesn't have to stay here.

[Joy] Who's "he"?

- [Evelyn] Becky. - Becky's a "she."

[Scoffs] You know me. I always mix up "he, " " she."

In Chinese, just one word, ta, so easy.

And the way you two are dressed, I'm sure I'm not the only one calling him "he."

I mean, her "him." Ugh!

Anyways, my English is fine. And we have Google.

So you don't have to come and be a translator.

- You stay here... - [Becky speaking indistinctly]

- And she can go. - Look, I honestly think it's weird, okay?

But Becky wants to help.

- [Becky chuckling] - [Joy] Right, Becky?

I always learn something when I hang out with the elderly.

Old people are very wise.

Hmm. It's okay.

We'll take gong gong with us to the meeting.

Uh, you and Becky can stay here and decorate. Hmm?

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Where is he? When can I meet him?

[Joy] Ahem.

- [Doorbell buzzes] - [Evelyn gasps softly]

Customers. Eat fast.

[Door opens]

- Morn. - What?

Mom, just wait.

Wait? Wait? No time to wait today.

- Just please... - [Door opens]

Joy, any other time, I beg you to come and eat,

or call me or anything, but today, very busy.

- Morn, this is what it's always like... - Wrong white paint.

I know you haven't always liked Becky, okay?

- But... - I like Becky. She is very nice.

You are very lucky...

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] She's half-Mexican.

Ugh!

No shoes in washer. Broken, you pay.

[Evelyn sighs]

But gong gong, his heart cannot take it, especially after such a long flight.

You want him to come all the way from China to die like that?

He's not gonna die.

[Woman] That's not what I said when I said I wanted to cook...

Ooh. [Speaking mandarin]

- [In English] How can I help you? - Hold on, I can't hear you. Hold on.

- [Man, over phone] Okay. - How can I help you?

Yeah, I'm here to pick up some shirts.

- I called, like, three times. - Okay, give me your ticket.

- Mm-hmm, yeah. - I find for you.

- No, I have the ticket. - [Man] Babe...

She's asking for it 'cause that's the way it works.

- [Man speaks indistinctly] - They don't read minds.

- Don't fuck with me. - Then hang up. Thank you.

We've been together for three years. Don't you think gong gong would want to know?

Let him enjoy his party tonight.

[Scoffs]

You think Becky will get through the party without introducing herself to him?

- [Sing-songy] Evelyn! - Have you met Becky?

Guess whose $20 got eaten by the machine again?

[Evelyn sighs]

- Waymond! Customers need you. - All right, coming.

Evelyn, you know, my wife used to wear that exact same perfume,

god rest her soul.

Are you coming to the party tonight?

Yeah, I got my ticket right here.

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Sorry. It was too crowded here so I moved some upstairs.

I think the clothes are happier there.

[Joy sighs]

[Breathing deeply]

See? They're happier here.

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] No more Google eyes! [Mumbling indistinctly]

[In English] Mom, can we please talk about Becky?

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] I still don't know what his brain is thinking.

Can Becky come tonight or not?

- Stop changing the subject. - I'm not.

You know, it is like our auditor. She is a terrible person.

She keeps targeting the Chinese in the community.

[Evelyn sighs]

You know, two years of meetings, she puts a lien on our laundromat,

and you know what your father does? He brings her cookies.

[Mumbles indistinctly]

[Suspenseful music playing]

Every day I fight, I fight. I fight for all of us.

Every day is a battle here.

[Evelyn sighs]

Your father, he doesn't care about the way things are...

[Continues speaking indistinctly]

I try to make our lives easier and more simple.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Waymond, in English] You should have told me earlier.

- That's really impressive. - [Evelyn speaking mandarin]

[In English] Evelyn, you have to see Rick dance. Look, he knows all of the moves.

[Chuckles]

[Joy, whispering] I can fucking kill myself.

[Waymond] Did you know Rick is in community theater?

He wants to be an actor, just like you did.

[Jingle playing over TV]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Singing in English] J“ ...Just put your hand j“

j“ in my hand j“

[waymond and Rick chattering indistinctly]

[Man and woman] J“ and we 7! Spin through eternity j“

[woman] J“ and away we go j“

j“ life can be so delicious j“

j“ delicious j“

[actors continue singing indistinctly over TV]

- I love this! - [Rick and waymond laugh]

Rick, you're so terrific.

[Speaking mandarin]

I just don't know how to be any fucking clearer. It's like she can choose.

Either you come to the party with me,

and gong gong is eternally ashamed until he forgets it all, and then he dies.

Or you don't come with me, and then he still dies. What?

- [Mutters indistinctly] - [Joy gasps!

- What are you saying? - That was a joke.

Uh, that's not a very funnyjoke, honey.

- Hey, guys... - This is only $10.

I thought you people were very good with math.

- Next time I give you interest. - Evelyn!

- Morn! Mom! - You're gonna need it.

- Morn! Mom! - Actors are very poor.

What?

[Speaking cantonese]

[Evelyn] Waymond! Waymond!

[Speaks loudly]

- Oh! - [Speaking mandarin]

Uh... [speaking cantonese]

- [Speaks mandarin] - [Gong gong speaks cantonese]

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Shit, how do you say it? Uh...

[Speaking mandarin]

[Evelyn] Uh... [speaks cantonese]

[In English] Mom...

[Woman speaking indistinctly]

You know what, actually? I'm actually not doing that.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Woman] ...And it's like, at this point, I do not...

[Speaking cantonese]

- [In English] It was nice to meet you. - [Laughs, mutters indistinctly]

[Evelyn, in English] Hi. Give us five star, please.

- Also... - [Woman] Oh, my god, she is...

There is a Chinese new year party tonight.

Open to all the customers in the community.

Thank you.

- Please come and enjoy... - This is fine.

- The good food and nice music, okay? - Okay. All right.

- I get you an invite, moment... please... - Can you hear this right now?

Joy, wait! Please. I have something to say to you.

What?

[Evelyn inhaling deeply]

You have to try and eat healthier.

You are getting fat.

[Car engine starting]

[Pensive music playing]

[Speaking indistinctly in cantonese]

[Waymond] Evelyn...

[Speaking mandarin]

Evelyn...

[Dramatic music plays]

[Evelyn speaking]

- [In English] Go, go, go, go! Okay. - [Waymond exclaiming]

[Gong gong speaking cantonese]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Gong gong speaking indistinctly in cantonese]

[Sentimental music playing]

[Inaudible]

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] If! Have to think of one more thing today, my head will explode.

[Sighs]

- [Evelyn groaning] - [Bell dings]

[Dramatic music playing]

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] You may be in grave danger.

There's no time to explain. Hold this.

Why are you doing this?

Pay attention.

When we leave this elevator,

you can either turn left towards your scheduled audit appointment,

or you can turn right, and go into the janitor's closet.

[Speaking mandarin]

- Why would I go into the janitor's... - Not now.

[Evelyn exclaims]

Why you download all these apps on my phone?

Breathe in. You're gonna feel a slight pressure in your head.

[Scoffs, speaks mandarin]

- [Fanfare plays] - [Portal opening]

- [Baby crying] - [Doctor speaking mandarin]

[Yells in cantonese]

[Waymond speaking mandarin]

[Waymond speaking]

[Gong gong speaking cantonese]

[Waymond speaking mandarin]

[Evelyn speaking cantonese]

[Evelyn retching]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Evelyn, in English] Hey, baby joy!

- [Yelling excitedly] - [Evelyn] You come back here.

Shut up!

You don't talk to your mother like this.

[Joy] I'll talk to her how I fucking want!

[Man speaking mandarin]

[Tense music playing]

[Breathing heavily]

[In English] The moment you are situated in your meeting,

follow these instructions.

But remember, no one can know.

Don't even talk to me about this because I won't remember.

- But i-— - shh.

[Automated voice] Mental scan complete.

Talk to you soon.

[Bell dings]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Gong gong speaking cantonese indistinctly]

[Waymond, in English] Hello.

[Deirdre, muffled] Mrs. Wang.

Mrs. Wang.

Mrs. Wang, are you with us?

Of course. I'm here.

- Just thinking. - Oh, okay. Well...

I was just hoping...

That you could explain this.

This is a receipt. My receipt.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Speaking cantonese]

[In English] I... look...

I was just hoping you could enlighten me

as to how, as a laundromat owner...

A karaoke machine could constitute a business expense?

[In English] I am a singer.

[Sighs]

- Of course you are. - [Waymond] It's true.

She has a beautiful voice.

Evelyn, sing a song for her.

- Shh! - No, no, please.

That will not be necessary.

But I will need a separate schedule c for each of these businesses,

because based on what you're trying to deduct,

you're also a novelist and a chef.

Last time, you told me that...

[Tutting] Please.

A teacher,

uh, and a singing coach

and a watsu technician.

I'm sorry, what... what is watsu?

[Waymond] It's a water massage.

[Deirdre] What's a water massage?

[Waymond] Like for back pain. You go get a water massage.

[Continues speaking indistinctly]

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Headset chiming and powering up]

[Inhales deeply]

[Beeps]

[Screaming]

- [Panting] - [Phone ringing]

What's happening?

Like I'm talking to my ex-husband.

Like I said to you before, comingling of your...

It's you messing with my head.

- Shh! - What's with...

- Don't shh me. - You got to relax your body.

- Don't... [muffled screaming] - [Whispering] Calm down, please.

- Calm down. - [Muffled exclaiming]

Relax your body in the other universe. Please.

[Deirdre] ...These deductions at your place of business.

[Alpha waymond] Go into auto-pilot.

[Deirdre] You can't then deduct it if it's an off...

Good. Good.

They don't know you and I are in this universe yet,

so hopefully I'll have some time to explain.

I'm not your husband. At least not the one you know.

I'm another version of him from another life path, another universe.

I'm here because we need your help.

Very busy today. No time to help you.

Shh.

There's a great evil that has taken root in my world

and has begun spreading its chaos throughout the many 'verses.

I have spent years searching for the one

who might be able to match to this great evil with an even greater good,

and bring back balance.

All those years of searching have brought me here,

- to this universe. - [Deirdre] Mrs. Wang...

- To you. - [Deirdre] Hello...

I know it's a lot to take in right now.

- Got to do it. - Mrs. Wang.

[Sing-songy] Hello?

Look, I'm sure you have a lot on your mind,

but I cannot imagine anything mattering more

than the conversation we are now having concerning your tax liability.

Uh, need I remind you that there is already a lien on your property?

Repossession is well within our rights.

I know. I am paying attention.

Do you see these?

You don't get one of these unless you've seen a lot of bullshit.

Excuse my French.

Now you may, ahem,

only see a pile of boring forms and numbers,

but I see a story.

With nothing but a stack of receipts,

I can trace the ups and downs ofyourhves.

And it does not look good.

It does not look good.

- But... - Uh...

Sorry, my wife confuses her hobbies for businesses.

An honest mistake.

[Deirdre] Oh... okay.

Well, with all of these, um...

"Honest mistakes,"

I mean, even if we don't charge you with fraud,

we'll most certainly have to fine you for gross negligence.

You're always trying to confuse us with these big words.

[Slowly] I thought you were going to bring your daughter

to help you translate.

- I am going to bring my... - [Alpha waymond, whispering] Hey!

- [Waymond] Sorry, she was going to come. - [Alpha waymond] Evelyn!

Evelyn! Are you paying attention?

- [Deirdre] Oh, really? - I cannot talk now.

She's too busy to help her parents? I see what she...

Unless you can help me with my taxes.

- [Groans in frustration] - What is "gross necklaces"?

I know you have a lot of things on your mind,

but nothing could possibly matter more

than this conversation we are having right now

concerning the fate of every single world of our infinite multiverse.

[Deirdre] Where's the respect for elders?

My dear Evelyn, I know you.

With every passing moment,

you fear you might have missed your chance to make something of your life.

I'm here to tell you every rejection,

every disappointment has led you here,

to this moment.

Don't let anything distract you from it.

[Chuckles]

Do you think this is funny?

[Speaking cantonese]

[In English] So, what will it be?

[Speaks in English and mandarin together]

[Door thudding]

[In English] Ourtime here is up.

- They're going to kill us. - What?

Do you think you can give us more time so we can redo all this?

Do not worry, this is just a burner universe

we're using for communication.

- [Exclaiming] - You will know when it is time to fight.

You want to redo... You're going to re-submit?

I will be in contact soon.

[Shushing] I think my other husband is messing up the audit.

Maybe we could look at all the receipts again and...

[Alpha waymond] Evelyn.

- Trust no one. - [Bones crack]

- [Screams] - [Body thuds]

[Eerie music playing]

[Door opens]

[People screaming]

Oh, no, no. No, no, no. No!

[Screams]

- [Speaking cantonese] - [Speaking mandarin]

[Deirdre, in English] Oh, dear lord.

[Waymond speaking mandarin]

[In English] Okay. Everything okay.

[Chuckles awkwardly]

I think I forget something at home.

Uh... sit down.

[Bottle cap clatters on table]

I think I'm going to regret this.

[Trash can clangs]

You can go.

What?

- [Speaking mandarin] - [Speaking cantonese]

[Deirdre, in English] You... You will have...

You will have until I leave the office tonight to bring everything in.

Six pm.

Last chance.

- Oh, tomorrow is better. - Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. 6:00 pm.

- Thank you so much. - Six P.M.

Thank you for the cookies.

They look delicious.

- Last chance. - Have a nice day.

Last chance.

[Eerie music playing]

Oh, no.

Evelyn! Evelyn!

[Waymond speaking mandarin]

[In English] So, you know about this?

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] It was you. Like, you was in the elevator.

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] I was in the elevator.

Come back next week.

[Speaking cantonese]

[Dramatic music playing]

[Gasps]

[Whispers, in English] I'm not ready to fight.

I'm not ready to fight.

Maybe we don't have a choice.

[Evelyn] What?

[Gong gong speaking cantonese]

[In English] Switch shoes to... what! [Grunts]

[Yelling] Ow! Om

[Deirdre] Someone call security!

What are you doing?

You told me to do it!

[Speaking mandarin]

You said I would know when it is the time to fight! She was coming after us.

[Groaning]

[Deirdre] Oh, you have no idea, lady. Oh!

Assaulting an IRS agent.

You have no idea! [Continues groaning]

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] "Dissolution of marriage"?

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Yes, I'm on the tenth floor.

No, it wasn't...

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Your brother gets a divorce,

now you think divorce is okay?

I don't think it's okay!

We made a sacred promise.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Groans in frustration]

[In English] I told you to stay low and out of sight.

Oh, now you're here?

Stop confusing me, coming and going.

- Stop it. Stop it. Stop... - Relax. I'll get you out of this.

- [Bell dings] - Stop coming here.

Okay, folks. Everyone remain calm.

[Deirdre] Oh, thank... thank god.

It's that one right there. The Chinese lady!

- No! It's all his fault! - Right there, she assaulted me.

Okay, I need you two to get on the ground with your hands behind your heads.

Okay, okay, okay.

[Speaking cantonese]

[In English] Sir, please comply.

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Bag zips]

Okay, whatever you're thinking about doing, don't do it.

Sir...

[Beeps]

[Headset powering up]

[Dramatic music playing]

[Softly] It's okay.

Okay, sir. That's enough.

- [Guard 1 yelling] - [Crowd clamoring]

[Alpha waymond grunting]

[Guard grunting]

Holy shit.

[Alpha waymond grunting]

[Guard 1 grunts]

[Groans]

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Hey.

[Grunting angrily]

[Yells]

[Guard grunting in slow-motion]

Oh, no, Craig! Fuck.

Argh!

[Alarm blaring]

On your feet!

Who... what is happening?

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] I'm not the waymond who wants to divorce you.

I'm the waymond who is saving your life.

Now, you can either come with me and live up to your ultimate potential,

or lie here and live with the consequences.

I want to lie here.

[Sighs]

[Yelling] Hey, hey, hey, no, no! Put me down! No, no!

[Whimpering]

[Woman crying]

Citizens of the 4,655th thetaverse,

you are about to be graced

by the presence of our sovereign leader,

jobu tupaki.

Now let me assure you of one thing.

Just like the rest of your miserable lives,

this is nothing more than a statistical inevitability.

[Jobu] Duck.

- Duck. - [Gasps]

Duck...

[Bagel Deirdre] Jobu tupaki has seen all and knows all.

She knows what makes you tick.

On what fragile branches your self-worth rests.

- [Jobu] This one. - [Gaspsi

[gasps]

[Evelyns screaming]

[Jobu tutting]

Hang on.

Don't die yet, all right, buddy?

[Sighs] Ugh.

[Sighs]

[Radio static buzzing]

[Shushes]

- [Shushes] - [Woman whimpers]

It's not her.

[Reporter].. Police are looking for all information. This is a developing story.

- What we do know... - [Jobu] They might be close.

We do have unconfirmed photos of the suspects.

[Static clicking]

An unidentified man went berserk at the regional office

for the internal revenue service in simi valley this morning.

Police aren't releasing any information...

- Is that where your parents are? - This is a developing story.

- But we do have unconfirmed... - [Becky] Are you okay?

Photos of the suspects.

- If you recognize them... - Hey!

Are you okay?

Help identify them.

If you recognize these two,

police are seeking help identifying the assailants.

[Inaudible]

My husband won't even kill a spider.

How can you be the same person?

You underestimate how the smallest decisions

can compound into significant differences over a lifetime.

Every tiny decision creates another branching universe, another...

Were you not paying attention before?

Of course. You're just very bad at explaining...

Shh!

Don't push me.

[Gasps, whispers] Oh, my god! We have to go back.

We forgot my father!

Don't worry, we're monitoring him. He's safe.

- I don't know, are you sure? - Yes.

[Man] There is a route out there.

Hey, look, come on!

Look, this is your universe,

one bubble floating in the cosmic foam of existence.

Every surrounding bubble has slight variations.

But the further away you get from your universe,

the bigger the differences. This is where I am from...

The alphaverse.

The first universe to make contact with the others.

You can call me Alpha waymond.

In this world, you were a brilliant woman.

In your search to prove the existence of other universes,

you discovered a way to temporarily link your consciousness

to another version of yourself,

accessing all of their memories, their skills, even their emotions.

- Like... you with the Fanny pack? - Exactly.

- It's called 'verse jumping. - "'Verse jumping".

I need you to learn how to do it right now.

Right now?

It may be our only chance of getting out of here alive.

[Headset powering up]

- [Beeps] - [Inhales sharply]

[Exhales]

Two guards coming this way.

On my signal, try to blend in.

[Muttering indistinctly]

Why don't you get your Evelyn to do this?

My Evelyn is dead.

Go! Oh, my god!

Oh, my god, what is going on?

Help us! Help us!

[Speaking mandarin]

[Breathing heavily]

[In English] How did I die?

I've seen you die a thousand ways in a thousand worlds.

In every single one, you were murdered.

What? Why would anybody want to kill me?

She's an omniversal being with unimaginable power.

An agent of pure chaos, with no real motives or desires.

- Jobu tupaki. - You're just making up sounds.

- Shh! - [Indistinct radio chatter]

We need another exit.

So, let her destroy the other bubbles. You said there are so many of them.

[Scoffs] Maybe it's okay if we lose some, but just leave me out of it.

- [Evelyn sighs] - It's not so simple.

She's been building something.

We thought it was some sort of black hole,

but it appears to consume more than just light and matter.

We don't know exactly what it is.

We don't know what it's for.

But we can all... feel it.

You've been feeling it, too, haven't you?

Something is off.

Your clothes never wear as well the next day.

Your hair never fails in quite the same way.

Even your coffee tastes...

Wrong.

Our institutions are crumbling,

nobody trusts their neighbor anymore,

and you stay up at night wondering to yourself...

How can we get back?

This is the alphaverse's mission...

To take us back to how it's supposed to be.

But that begins with finding the one

who can stand up to jobu's perverse shroud of chaos.

And you think it's me?

Why else would we risk everything to get you out of here?

Oh, there you are.

Oh, miss Deirdre!

I'm sorry I punched you, but...

Look, I think I finally understand why...

- [Evelyn gasps] - [Headset powering up]

What is she doing?

'Verse jumping. Run!

[Wheezes]

[Screaming]

- Come on. - Oh!

[Bagel Deirdre screaming]

- Go! Go! Go! - [Evelyn shrieks]

Oh, god.

She jumped somewhere. Brute force.

A sumo wrestler?

- Bodybuilder? - Doesn't matter.

Counter with someone agile.

On your perimeter, we've got a breakdancer, mime.

- A gymnast. - Give me gymnast! Go!

Calculating route.

[Computer beeping]

[Male Alpha officer] Okay, paper cuts. Four of them, one between each finger.

[Grunting softly]

Paper cuts only happen when you aren't trying. It's impossible.

Probability, one in eight thousand.

It's the strongest jumping pad we have.

- [Whispering] What are you doing? - Come on.

[Exclaims softly]

There we go, one.

- There's two. - Ooh.

Three. All right. Come on, come on, come on.

Stick with me.

Come on.

[Exclaims]

[Blows]

- [Grunts] - [Headset beeps]

Four! There it is. Come on, jump.

[Both grunting]

[Female Alpha officer] Is that pro wrestling?

She's going for a backbreaker!

[Bagel Deirdre grunting]

[Yelling in pain]

[Grunts]

- She's gotta run. - [Alpha waymond] No.

She can jump. Somewhere she can fight.

She's not ready. Ajump like that would fry most people.

She's not most people.

[Groans in pain]

Damn, what a weak body.

[Panting]

[Cell phone buzzing]

[Shushing]

Hello?

[Alpha waymond] Evelyn! Can you hear me?

You're going to have to 'verse jump.

'Verse jump?

Concentrate on a universe in which you studied martial arts.

[Male Alpha officer] Okay, I'm locking in.

[Automated voice] Calculations complete. "Profess your love."

[Alpha waymond] You're gonna have to profess your love to Deirdre.

- [Scoffs] No way. - It's your jumping pad.

It's like eating the chapstick or switching shoes.

We developed an algorithm that calculates which statistically improbable action

will place you in a universe on the edge of your local cluster,

which then sling shots you to the desired universe.

[Mutters in mandarin]

[In English] It doesn't make any sense!

- Exactly. - [Gasps]

The less sense it makes, the better.

The stochastic path algorithm is fueled by random actions.

Tell her you love her. And mean it!

Are there any otherjumping pads?

The next best paths are break your own arm or take a nap.

You're not sleepy, are you?

[Evelyn shrieks]

I love you.

[Automated voice] Jumping pad failure.

Evelyn, wait! No!

[Upbeat music playing indistinctly on speakers]

[Female Alpha officer] She's in a local divergent universe.

No, no, no.

[Alpha waymond] She's gone home...

To finish the taxes.

[Grunting]

- [Bones cracking] - Ah!

[Groans]

[Waymond speaking mandarin]

[In English] This doesn't make any sense.

Think about it.

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] ...You always get pulled away.

- [Yelling] - [Grunting]

[Groans and coughs]

Waymond! [Gasping] Waymond!

[Alpha waymond] I'm sorry, Evelyn.

- Huh? - I need to go.

[Evelyn] What?

I need to find the right Evelyn.

And this one...

It's not the one.

No! No. Wait, let me try again!

Alpha waymond.

Evelyn?

[Speaks mandarin]

[Evelyn speaking]

[Waymond, in English] Ah! What's happened to my hand?

[Evelyn grunts]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Waymond and Evelyn exclaiming]

[Evelyn, in English] Go, go, go, go!

[Panting]

[Waymond] Evelyn, your face.

You just left me. You just left me.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Groaning]

[Sniffles]

[Sobbing softly]

[Sniffles]

- Waymond... - [Grunts loudly]

[Shrieks]

[In English] Miss Deirdre?

- I love you! - What?

[Evelyn speaking mandarin]

[In English] I love you!

- [Waymond exclaiming] - [Speaking mandarin]

[In English] I love you!

[Bagel Deirdre yelling]

[Distorted yelling]

[Whispers] I love you!

[Powering up]

[Screaming]

- [Grunts] - [Cameras clicking]

[Waymond speaking in mandarin]

Evelyn!

[Sobbing]

[Man speaking mandarin]

- [Grunts] - [Groans]

[Body thuds]

[Kung fu master speaking]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Woman yells]

Cut, cut, cut, cut.

[Kung fu master speaking]

[Kung fu Evelyn, in English] Oh, I'm so happy to be here today.

- [Man] Evelyn! - [Woman] Evelyn!

[Woman 2] Evelyn!

[Slow-paced Clair de lune plays]

[Yelling]

[Grunting]

[Evelyn grunts]

[Exclaims]

[Bagel Deirdre yelling]

[Bagel Deirdre grunting and groaning]

[Exhales sharply]

[In English] Why did you... how?

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] It was beautiful.

[Speaking mandarin]

Waymond.

[In English] We better keep moving.

Now you've definitely got jobu's attention. Come on.

Stay calm.

Your brain is under an incredible amount of stress.

No, let me finish talking with my husband.

He needs to know how good my life could have been.

[People clamoring]

- [Man 1] Evelyn... Evelyn! - [Man 2] Evelyn!

Are you with me?

I thought I was disconnected.

Why was I still there?

Your mind, it's like a Clay pot holding water.

Everyjump opens another crack causing things to leak through.

With training, you will learn to reseal these cracks.

Eat. You need energy.

Cream cheese.

In my universe, the cattle were killed off.

One of the many things we've lost in our war against job...

Oh, my god.

What if...

What if I want to go back?

What if I want to go back to the other universe?

[Yelling] Shut it down! Shut it down, you hear me?!

- Come back! - Okay! Okay! Okay!

I'm back!

Listen, you're only using the other worlds to acquire special skills.

Do you understand?

If you fall for their temptations, you invite contradiction. Chaos.

Your Clay pot could shatter, and you could die,

or far worse.

What can be worse than death?

We should keep moving until reinforcements come.

No, no, no.

Enough of your Clay pots, cream cheese, no cows.

Explain it all to me now.

You're right.

In the alphaverse,

we began training many young minds to 'verse jump.

But there was one who was far and above the most gifted...

Our little explorer.

You saw her potential,

so you pushed her beyond her limit.

[Automated voice] Warning: Unstable.

[Headset chimes and powers up]

[Alpha waymond] Though the overloaded mind usually dies,

instead, her mind was fractured.

[Automated voice] Warning: Unstable.

- [Distorted screaming] - Mind fracturing.

[Alpha waymond] Now her mind experiences every world,

every possibility

at the same exact time,

commanding the infinite knowledge and power of the multiverse.

Now she's seen too much.

Lost any sense of morality, any belief in objective truth.

[Evelyn] What does she want?

[Alpha waymond] No one knows. All we know...

Is she's looking for you.

Hey, you said I was the wrong one.

What you did back there, it changed my mind.

You were incredible.

[Cameras clicking]

[Indistinct chatter]

[Pensive music playing]

[Soft music playing]

[Whispers] Waymond.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Both chuckling]

[Chuckles, in English] Of course.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Gasps]

[Alpha waymond, in English] Evelyn! Come back!

Evelyn! Jump to another combat universe!

- Huh? - Try peeing yourself!

- Pee?! - It's always a good jumping pad.

[Exhales sharply]

Come on, wake up! Wake up!

What did you do to me?

- Did you staple something to my forehead? - No! I didn't do anything.

- You did it yourself. - Movement on the elevator.

- Did you call for backup? - I did not do it to myself!

- You call? - [Deirdre] It has blood on it!

We've detained the assailants. No backup was requested.

You guys are wasting a trip up. Copy?

[Alpha waymond] Oh, no! She found us.

I said, do you copy?

[Distorted speech]

[Distorted beeping over radio]

Clear them.

[Mellow guitar music playing over speakers]

[Pig grunting]

Why do you look so stupid?

Ma'am...

You and your pig can't be here.

[Clicks tongue]

Is it that I can't be here,

- or that I'm not allowed to be here? - [Evelyn] Hey!

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Okay... [sighs]

- Hands where I can see them. - See, I can...

Physically be here.

But what you meant to say is you're not allowing me to be here.

[Laughs]

Hands behind your back, come on.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Speaks English in baby voice] You're gonna make me walk through you?

[Snickers]

Yeah, cute. I can't let you do that either.

[In normal voice] Yeah, again with the "can't"!

See, I don't think you understand the meaning of that word.

[Retching]

[Screams]

See, I can walk through you.

- Officer down. - No, no! Don't shoot.

- Hands on your head. - Don't shoot!

Like this?

[Gurgling]

[Electricity crackling]

[Samba music playing]

[Officer exclaims]

[Distorted yelling]

- [Exclaims] - [Officer groaning]

Waymond. Wake up!

- Wake up! - Daddy!

[Officer exclaims]

[Announcer] Oh, no!

- [Neck snapping] - [Groaning]

[Gasps]

[Grunts]

[Whispers] Oh, shit.

[Gun clicks]

- [Groaning loudly] No! - Oh, no!

[Gasping] Don't worry, Evelyn...

It's... mm...

- [Radio static] - Organic.

- [Laughing] - [Grunting]

[Soft piano music playing]

[Grunting]

Oh, my god.

[Blood splatters]

You're juju toobootie.

[Chuckling]

The "great evil" waymond was talking about

is... in my joy?

[Alpha waymond] Don't engage.

She can't be reasoned with.

It's you.

You're the reason my daughter doesn't call anymore.

Why she dropped out of college, and gets tattoos.

Are why she thinks she is gay.

Ah! I'm so sorry.

You're still hung up on the fact that I like girls in this world?

- The universe... - [Circuit breakers pop]

Is so much bigger than you realize.

- Huh? - [Warbling]

- Okay! - [Loud music playing]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Stop!

- [Gaspsi - don't make me fight you.

I am really good.

I don't believe you.

Okay.

[Cameras clicking]

Nice.

You peed yourself.

No, Evelyn, you're not locked in!

[Beeps]

- [Jobu chuckles] - [Sighs]

[Panting]

[Alpha waymond] Where did she jump?

She's off the damn map.

- J“ flap your hands... j“ - I" my hands... j“

[female Alpha officer] She appears to be in a universe

where everyone has hot dogs instead of fingers.

I mean, it just doesn't matter how many times I see it, I'm so moved.

[Sniffles]

[Both yelling]

Stop it!

An evolutionary branch in the anatomy of the human race?

[Ape gibbering]

[Apes whooping excitedly]

[Male Alpha officer] A jump like that would've fried most people.

Like I said, she's not most people.

Don't... why are you treating me like this?

One minute, you're so warm,

then one minute, you're cold and awful.

[Babbling]

- This is crazy! - You're starting to get it.

Where're you gonna go?

Ugh!

[Jobu] You know, of all the evelyns I've seen...

You're definitely one of the more interesting ones.

- [Babbling continues over headset] - [Whispering] What do you want from me?

Here.

Let me help you open up your mind, huh?

- [Evelyn gasps softly] - Open up.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Take a peek.

[Sweeping music playing]

- [Rumbling] - [Female Alpha officer] Oh, shit.

What is that?

[Jobu] I got bored one day,

and I put everything on a bagel.

Everything.

All my hopes and dreams, my old report cards,

every breed of dog,

every last personal ad on craigslist.

Sesame.

Poppy seed.

Salt.

And it collapsed in on itself.

[Jobu chuckling]

'Cause you see, when you really put everything

on a bagel,

it becomes this.

Come on. Run, Evelyn.

[Jobu] The truth.

[Evelyn] What is the truth?

Nothing

matters.

No, joy.

You don't believe that.

Feels nice, doesn't it?

If nothing matters,

then all the pain and guilt you feel

for making nothing of your life...

It goes away.

J“ sucked j“

rmmr

j“ a bagel j”

[jarring music playing]

[Distorted] No!

[Brakes squealing]

[Creaks]

Ah ba?

[Scoffs] I'm not your father.

At least not the one you know.

I am Alpha gong gong.

- [Scoffs] - Not you, too.

[Sniffs, gasps]

Sir, what are you doing here?

We need to go. Just follow me.

[Door opens]

[Alpha waymond] Sir, I have this under control.

[Alpha gong gong] Again, you deliberately disobey me,

and cause another mind to be compromised.

[Wheelchair whirring]

And now, you know what we must do.

No. Please.

She's unlike anything we've seen.

She could finally stop jobu tupaki.

You mean the monster that is inside my daughter?

Well, why didn't you tell me about it earlier?

What else are you Alpha people not telling me?

Did you see her dance that man to death?

There is no way I am the Evelyn you are looking for.

No, I see it so clearly.

I'm no good at anything.

Exactly.

I've seen thousands of evelyns,

but never a Evelyn like you.

You have so many goals you never finished,

dreams you never followed.

You're living your worst you.

I can't be the worst. What about the hot dog one?

No. Can't you see?

Every failure here

branched off into a success for another Evelyn in another life.

Most people only have a few significant alternate life paths so close to them.

But you, here,

you're capable of anything

because you're so bad at everything.

[Alpha gong gong laughing]

What good is all that power

when her mind is already succumbing to that chaos, huh?

- [Knocking on door] - [Joy] Hello?

Hello? Mom, dad? What's going on?

No. Do not answer.

- It's one of her tricks. - [Banging on door]

Sir, our readings indicate it's not jobu tupaki.

- But if she is not here... - [Continues banging on door]

Oh, shit!

[Brakes screeching]

[Alpha gong gong] Do not engage! Run! Run!

Watch these two here while I deal with job...

I'm not risking the safety of the alphaverse for this.

- [Earpiece chimes] - [Snoring]

Get us as far away from joy as you can.

- Why? - I'll be back. I promise.

No, no, no, wait. Why don't you...

- Huh? - [Knocking on door]

- [Joy] Hello? - Joy?

- No, no... that's not... - Joy is here.

- No, no, no, that's not joy. - Hello?

- Joy? Joy, I'm coming. - Let me in.

Okay, be patient. This is heavy.

- Joy, why are you here? - I have no fucking clue!

- Hey, gentle language! - Just what is going on?

I'm sure there is a very good explanation for all of this...

[Joy and Evelyn shrieking]

[Waymond speaking mandarin]

[Joy, in English] What the fuck, mom?

[Evelyn speaking mandarin]

[In English] What the fuck are you doing?

[Speaking mandarin]

[Joy scoffs]

[In English] But she's too powerful.

[Speaks mandarin]

- [In English] Are we all having a stroke? - [Evelyn sighs]

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] You are like puppets.

You know? Puppets?

You can do things you normally cannot do.

It's like that movie.

Um, you-you... that movie...

Okay, what are you talking about?

- [Waymond] A movie? - Raccaccoonie!

- What? - Huh?

Raccaccoonie. You know, the one with the chef...

[Makes chopping sound] And he makes bad food. Ptoey.

And then this raccoon sit on his head,

ooh, control him, and then he cooks good food!

[Snickering] Do you mean ratatouille?

Ratatouille! I like that movie.

No. No, no, no, no, no. Raccaccoonie!

With the raccoon.

- Okay... [laughs] - Raccoon?

[Sighs] Everybody stop making up sounds.

So, there's a raccoon joy, and there's a raccoon me?

- [Laughing hysterically] - And they are controlling us?

Yeah, from the other universes.

[Both laughing]

- Oh. Okay. - That's very funny, Evelyn.

Okay, it sounds a little bit ridiculous, but it's true.

- I swear to god, you... you are macho man. - [Snoring]

- [Waymond] I like that! - [Joy] Oh, yeah.

[Gong gong speaking cantonese]

[Waymond, in English] Hey, honey, don't worry, daddy will get you out of this.

- [Joy] Okay. - Ah ba.

Quickly, while she is distracted.

- No. - It's only protocol.

It gives her one less universe to access.

- [Joy] God... - [Cell phone ringing]

- Can you... - Oh, it's Becky.

Hi, Becky. Hold on.

How do you expect to defeat her in every universe

if you can't even kill her in one?

- [Joy] Hey, babe. - She's your granddaughter.

- [Joy] I'm wearing a golf outfit. - How do you think I feel?

But this is a sacrifice that is necessary to win the war.

- Okay, there we go. - [Becky] You might try using that.

[Unsettling music playing]

You must do it.

[Becky] Thank god. I'm sorry, I should just go.

- Glad I spoke to you. - Go.

Yeah, my mom taped me to a chair,

- uh, because of raccoons. - [Waymond grunts]

- [Waymond] Okay, be patient. - Yeah, it's a long story.

- Daddy is trying to... - It's been a day.

Well, at some point, I came out in a hall...

[Joy speaking indistinctly]

Mom?

[Suspenseful music playing]

What are you...

What are you doing?

Hey! I almost had it.

- Oh, come on! - [Gun cocking]

You are already under her spell.

Holy shit! Holy shit, he has a gun!

Everyone, stay calm! I think it's time for a family discussion!

It's okay. It's okay, it's okay.

[Breathing shakily]

I won't let you kill her.

Don't you see what is happening to your mind?

In my universe,

you pushed your own daughter too hard until you broke her.

[Laughs dryly] You...

You created jobu tupaki.

[Gasps] When did he get so good at English?

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Now I must stop you.

Othennise, it's only a matter of time

before you become just like her.

Like

her...

[Suspenseful music building]

[Music stops]

[Stomps]

What the fuck are you doing?

Evelyn, I don't think now is a good time to dance!

[Earpiece chimes, whirrs]

[In waymond's voice] Baba,

I know you don't agree with me,

but this is something I have to do.

- What the... - That sounds weird.

No, no, no... [Hesitates, groans]

[Evelyn, normal voice] Okay.

Wait! You don't know where you'll jump.

- [Winces, screams] - [Joy and waymond exclaim]

- Enough! - [Earpiece chimes]

[Automated voice] Warning. Unstable.

[Frequency warbling]

[Imitates birdcall]

[In English] Please.

I cannot lose another loved one to the darkness.

[Normal voice] Don't worry, you won't.

- [Gags] - [Earpiece chimes, whirrs]

- [Both exclaim in disgust] - [Earpiece beeps]

[Whirring]

[Rapid beeping]

[Door opens]

[Rock music playing on stereo]

Hey, uh,

clean up in there, all right? [Grunts]

Where did she jump?

Sorry, ah ba.

[Beeping]

[Joy] Whoa!

[Evelyn] Okay, come on, come on!

- Come on, that way! - [Alpha gong gong] Oh, my god.

- [Waymond] Oh, my god! - [Evelyn] Come on, come on!

[Automated voice] Warning, mind fracturing.

Send everyjumper with a counterpart in the area.

- Now! - [Alarm blaring]

Once again, the alphaverse finds itself

as the last line of defense against total chaos.

Be brave. This Evelyn is as stubborn as the others.

She has given us no choice.

We must kill her before she becomes another jobu tupaki.

- Joy. - [Nervously] What?

Joy ".Joy".

I know you have these feelings.

Feelings that make you so sad.

That makes you just... Just want to give up.

It's not your fault.

Not your fault.

I know. [Breathing shakily]

It's... it's her.

Juju Chewbacca.

[Joy scoffs and groans]

She has your soul

in the palm of her hand.

What are you talking about?

The only way I can defeat her to save you...

Is to become like her.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Alpha gong gong, in English] Evelyn, your daughter is beyond saving.

And soon, you will be too.

Your time is up.

Find yourjumping pads.

- [Woman 1 shrieks] - [Singing] J“ ave Maria j”

[man muttering indistinctly]

[Woman 2] I“ ave Maria... j“

[speaking mandarin]

[Distorted talking]

[Joy, echoing] Morn.

[Waymond, in English] I think you're pushing things too far.

Or not far enough.

- [Gas hissing] - [Waymond and joy gasping]

[Waymond] Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

[Waymond] Evelyn...

Ew. Oh, my god.

- [Earpieces beeping] - [Jumpers grunting]

- [Sneezes] - [Joy] Ugh. What are you doing?

[Earpiece whirrs, beeps]

[Gong gong speaking cantonese]

- [Young Evelyn screams] - [Gong gong shouts]

[Both humming tune]

[Crowd applauding]

[Traditional music playing]

[Inhales deeply]

[Singing in mandarin]

[Singing continues]

[Joy] Morn! [Coughs]

- [Evelyn groans] - [Voice cracks]

- [Audience gasps] - [Clears throat]

- [Grunts] - [Static over earpiece]

[Male jumper yelling]

[Male jumper grunting]

[Female jumper yelling]

[Gagging]

[Gulps, coughs]

- [Earpiece chimes, whirrs] - [Jumpers grunt and yell]

[Yelling]

[Earpiece beeps]

[Vehicles passing by]

[Singer Evelyn continues singing]

[Evelyn yells]

[Distorted traditional music playing]

[Jumpers yelling]

[Joy gasps]

[Evelyn yelling]

[Joy exclaims]

- [Jumpers groaning] - Holy...

- [Evelyn exhales] - Shit.

Is he dead?

- [Thud] - [Groans weakly]

See? Not dead. Go!

- That's definitely not... - Hurry up, please. Go quick!

[Panting] Come on, guys.

- Dad, go! - [Waymond whimpers]

[Dog growls and whines]

[Dog yelpsi

- [groans, coughs] - [Joy] Oh, my god.

[Dog growling]

Does my baby want to go for a walk?

[Dog snarling]

[Barks]

[Huffs]

[Dog growling]

[Whimpers]

- [Woman gasps] - [Dog barking]

Oh, Johnny!

Oh!

[Joy] Orange soda?

- Huh? - What is she doing?

[Waymond] I think when she does something weird,

it helps her fight. It gives her power.

[Earpiece whirring]

Sorry, baby.

[Yelling]

[Earpiece beeps]

- [Food sizzling] - [Man laughing]

- [Woman] Ask her for another one. - [Man] Yeah. Quite incompetent.

- [Johnny yelps] - [Woman gasps]

- No! Johnny! - [Johnny yelping]

[Joy gasps]

[Woman] You...

Bitch.

[Body thuds]

[Evelyn] Go!

[Groans]

[Exhales deeply] Huh?

- [Indistinct talking] - [Woman] Oh.

Evelyn...

If you don't step up, I'm giving some of your shifts to Chad.

- [Knives clanking] - [Diners exclaiming]

[Woman] Yeah! [Laughs]

[Woman] Oh, good one.

I got a picture.

[Loud thudding]

[Evelyn whimpering]

[Both grunting]

[Jumper yells]

- Oh!

[Exhales sharply]

[Both grunting]

[Both groaning]

[Jumper panting]

[Both grunting]

- Stop... - [Waymond] Huh? What happened?

- [Evelyn] You stop! - I think they lost their...

- [Evelyn] Stop it! - Powers?

Sir, I'm gonna need anotherjumping pad.

[Alpha officer] Received information. Over.

[Unzips]

I think she needs to do something weird again.

What's he doing?

- [Grunts] - [Evelyn yells]

[Both grunting]

Oh, my god. He's trying to stick it in his butt.

- No! - [Grunts]

- No, no, no. - Ah... no.

- Uh, Evelyn, do jumping Jacks! - That's not weird at all.

- [Waymond] Um... slap him! - [Joy] No, no, no.

Mom, just blow on his nose!

[Evelyn] What?

It'll make him involuntarily scream and do weird noises.

Trust her, Evelyn. It's really weird.

- [Man yelling] - [Footsteps running]

[Dramatic music playing]

[Uoudthud]

[Earpiece whirrs]

[Beeps]

[Both grunting]

- [Takes deep breath, blows] - [Screaming]

[Earpiece whirrs, beeps]

[Grunting]

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Both grunting]

[Both exclaim]

[Man groaning]

- Wow, mom is really good. - [Exhales]

- [Man 2 yells] - [Grunts]

[Gasps] Sorry.

[Tense music playing]

[Both yelling]

[Slams]

[Screams]

[Ominous music playing]

[Man groans]

- [Audience laughing] - [Gags]

[Evelyn coughing on theater screen]

[Automated voice] Reaching mental capacity.

[Alarm blaring]

Reaching mental capacity.

[Evelyn grunts]

Holy shit!

[Both groaning]

- Ow... - I'm sorry, Evelyn.

- Mind fracturing. - We'll die together.

- [Grenade pin clicks] - [Fly buzzing]

[Earpiece chimes, whirrs and beeps]

[Kung fu master speaking mandarin]

[Pinky straining]

- [Evelyn grunts] - [Gasps]

[Alpha gong gong] Pinky...

- [Yelling] - [Thuds]

- [Male jumper] Get her. - [Female jumper] See her...

[Wind whooshes]

[Dramatic music playing]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Rumbling]

[Waymond] Evelyn.

Evelyn. Evelyn!

- [Evelyn sighs] - Whoa, whoa!

[Groaning, speaks mandarin]

[In English] No need to explain.

I have been watching you.

You're back.

Did you see how good I am?

I'm gonna do that,

I am going to defeat that jobu tupaki.

[Alpha waymond] Hey...

You got her name right.

[Both chuckle]

Evelyn, what you're doing is crazy. Reckless.

Your stupid plan to somehow save your daughter

has managed to piss off everyone in the multiverse.

But it just might work.

[Coughing, gasping]

What? [Exclaims]

[Electricity crackling]

[Somber music playing]

[Alpha waymond] I only wish I could be there

to see you finish this.

What do you mean, you don't see me finish?

I'm grateful...

That chance was kind enough to let us have these last few moments together.

[Breathing shakily]

[Gasping]

Alpha waymond?

[Gasps] Alpha waymond?

What happened?

Was I raccoon waymond again?

[Evelyn sighs]

Raccoon waymond is dead.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Waymond, in English] Is that raccoon joy?

Am I getting it?

[Speaking mandarin]

I can stop you, jobu. [Echoes]

Now that I am reaching my full potential.

Aw, you still can't see what's happening.

No, I see clearly. More clearly than ever before.

[Energy humming and buzzing]

[Shattering]

- [Retches] - [Waymond gasps]

Oh, my god... Evelyn.

Oh, my god.

Damn it.

- So close. - [Device beeping]

[Waymond] Evelyn.

- Evelyn... - [Flatline]

Please help her.

[Jobu] I'll see you again soon.

J“ somewhere out there I“

j“ in all that noise j“

don't leave! Help her, please.

Help! Help!

[Dramatic music playing]

[Audience applauding]

[Gasps]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Panting, speaks English] Where is she?

Where's our daughter?

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Daughter?

[Grunts]

- [Car horn blaring] - [Grunts]

[Audience exclaims]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Chad, singing in English] J“ we're family j“

- [raccoon] J“ culinarily j" - I" culinarily j“

[both] I“ now we're cooking j“

- oh, raccaccoonie. - I“ when nobody's lookin' j“

- I don't know what I'd do without you. - Raccaccoonie?

- [Raccoon] J“ we're a family j“ - yeah, we make a pretty good team.

[Raccoon] J“ culinarily I“

- [objects clattering] - [Raccoon gasps]

- Oh, no! - [Chad] Ah!

- You... you can't tell anyone! - She's seen too much.

You know what that means.

- Get her! Get her! - No! No, I'm begging you. No!

- [Chef Evelyn gasps] - Get her! Get her!

- No, I won't. No. No. - [Chad] No. Please.

- Get her! - Just go! Just go!

[Chef Evelyn screams]

[Dreamy music playing]

[Gasps]

- What do you want? - [Hot dog Deirdre] I want you.

[Hot dog Evelyn] No!

Stop that.

[Man singing indistinctly]

- Oh! - Stay back.

- This is wrong! - What? It's not wrong.

[Hot dog Evelyn grunts]

[Footsteps running]

- [Opera music playing on speakers] - [Door closes]

[Sobbing]

[Movie star Evelyn] Bye... I'm late.

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] I can think of whatever nonsense I want and somewhere...

[Speaking mandarin]

[Groans]

[Breathing heavily]

[Evelyns screaming]

- [High-pitched ringing] - [Breathing heavily]

[Waymond speaking]

[Panting]

[In English] I did it.

[Waymond] Huh?

[In English] Don't forget these cookies. Ms. Deirdre really likes it.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Door opens, closes]

[High-pitched ringing]

[Soft music playing]

[Exhales deeply]

- [Music stops] - [Doorbell buzzes]

[Men harmonizing]

[Men scatting]

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Come on.

[Women giggling]

[Suspenseful music playing]

Hi, Mrs. Wang.

Hey, mom. So, about this morning...

- Enough with your tricks. - What?

- I know you're in there. - Whoa.

- Get out of my daughter. - [Chuckles] Okay.

Mom, are you already drunk?

- Hey, Becky? - Mm-hmm?

Can you go help my dad with the party?

Now?

- Yeah. - Go, Becky.

[Breathing shakily] Go. Go.

[Becky mouthing]

Thanks, babe.

You see it all, don't you?

You can see

how everything

is just a random rearrangement of particles,

in a vibrating superposition.

[Blade clangs]

[Prison door closing]

I have no idea what you are talking about.

But I can do this.

[Evelyn] Huh?

[Laughs] But you see...

- [Grunting] How everything we do... - [Evelyn screaming]

Huh?

[Birdsong]

[Jobu] ...Gets washed away in a sea of every other possibility.

[Spitting]

[Coughs]

You're everywhere.

You're like me.

That's right.

I'm the one you're looking for.

I'm the one who's going to defeat you.

[Jobu laughs] Okay.

Hit me.

Punch my face.

[Yells]

[Both grunting]

[Both groaning]

Oh... [crying]

Oh! Ow! Ow!

- Oh, stop. - Wow.

Hi, dad.

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] We're just practicing karaoke for tonight.

[Jobu scatting]

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] I will take care of it.

- She'll take care of it, dad. - Go.

- Honey, you okay? - It's okay.

- [Evelyn] Go. - Yeah, I just fell on the couch.

- [Evelyn] Go! - Okay.

- Oh. Ow... - He's so sweet.

[Sighs]

- Okay... - Hey.

Hey, buddy?

If you don't want to fight me, [Stammering] Then...

- Why? - Why what?

What-what's all this for?

[Smacking lips]

Why was I looking for you?

[Evelyn sighs]

Sit down, grab a snack, make yourself comfortable, huh?

- Oh, hey, you okay? - Okay.

[Jobu] Mm.

- We can speed this up. - [Sighs]

Sit on the crack. [Grunts]

Sit on the crack of the couch, okay? Get comfortable.

- [High-pitched ringing, buzzing] - [Evelyn gasps, screams]

[Ethereal music playing]

[Bagel Deirdre] Here you go. "Bagel..."

[Gasps] Just... no.

Please, I don't care about the bagel.

I don't care about the alphaverse. I only care about my joy.

Give me back my daughter and I'll leave you alone forever.

Sorry, no can do.

Why not?

[Jobu] I am your daughter. Your daughter is me.

Every version of joy is jobu tupaki.

- You can't separate us. - No.

I have felt everything your daughter has felt.

And I know the joy...

And the pain of having you as my mother.

[Evelyn] Then you know I would do...

Only do the right thing for her.

Foryou.

"Right" is a tiny box invented by people who are afraid.

And I know what it feels like to be trapped inside that box.

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Mom...

[Evelyn] No, it's not like that. It's gong gong.

He's a different generation.

You don't have to hide behind him anymore.

You should feel relieved.

The bagel will show you the true nature of things.

You'll be free from that box. Just like me.

No, no, I'm not like you.

You're young, and your mind is always changing.

- I still know who I am. - You have no idea what you've done.

You're stuck like this forever.

No. I'm going back with my joy,

to my family, to live my life.

A happy life.

[Scoffs] Okay.

[Unsettling music playing]

Good luck with that.

[High-pitched ringing]

[Waymond] Thank you so much for coming.

[Continues speaking indistinctly]

[Woman, in English] Thank you. Thank your father.

[Pensive music playing]

[Jobu] All this time,

I wasn't looking for you so I could kill you.

I was just looking for someone who could see what I see.

Feel what I feel.

[Ceo waymond speaking mandarin]

[Indistinct chatter]

[Ceo waymond continues speaking]

[Jobu, in English] And that someone...

[Frequency warbles, static]

Is you.

[Device powering up, beeps]

Evelyn!

- You're alive! - [Alpha gong gong] Impossible.

- Hello? - [Deirdre] Mrs. Wang, where are you?

I mean, to not even show up for your appointment.

- Shut up. - What did you just say?

[Evelyn] I said shut up. You don't matter.

Whatever I did, I'm sorry.

Nothing matters.

[Deirdre] Mrs. Wang!

[Distorted] You are gonna be in serious trouble.

Do you understand?

- For you to disrespect... - [Hangs up]

[Movie star Evelyn speaking mandarin]

[Evelyn laughing]

[Mic feedback]

[Cheering in mandarin]

[In English] Happy new year.

Another year, hmm?

Pretending we know what we're doing, but really,

we're just going around in circles.

Doing laundry and taxes,

and laundry and taxes.

[Mic feedback]

[Man coughs]

- No more running. - [Deirdre] Excuse me,

where are the owners? Oh. There you are.

Mr. and Mrs. Wang...

You have left me no option

but to authorize the seizure of your personal and your business assets.

- You have to vacate... - Wait, Evelyn.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Woman] It's just so good, you know...

- What are you doing? No! No! - [Diners gasping]

[Raccoon] My god, Chad, I told you she couldn't be trusted.

Evelyn, please. Calm down.

[Deirdre] Within 48 hours or...

[Speaking mandarin]

[Thunder rumbles]

[Evelyn, in English] Everything...

[Cackling]

[Flapping lips, laughs]

[Groans]

[Wind whistling]

[Waymond] What're you doing?

[Jobu] Not a single moment will go by

without every other universe screaming for your attention.

Never fully there.

Just a lifetime of...

- [Raccoon] No, no! - Fractured moments...

[Chad] Raccaccoonie!

[Jobu] ...Contradictions, and confusion.

- [Chad] Get off me! - Chad, don't forget about me.

Here are the papers.

- Oh! Oh, officer. - [Officer] Stay behind me.

[Microphone feedback]

With only a few specks of time where anything actually makes any sense.

[Indistinct chatter]

I've always hated this place.

- [Gong gong shouting] - [Screams]

[Stirring music playing]

[Deirdre screaming]

- [Chad] Raccaccoonie! - Chad!

Get off me. Get off!

Evelyn, why?

[Screaming]

[Evelyns screaming]

[Birdsong]

[Distorted music playing]

[Distorted music intensifies]

[Somber music playing]

[Body thuds]

[No audio]

[Wind continues blowing]

Do you know why I actually built the bagel?

It wasn't to destroy everything.

It was to destroy myself.

I wanted to see if I went in, could I finally escape?

Like, actually die.

At least, this way...

I don't have to do it alone.

[Distorted voice]

[Deirdre] Your numbers were...

This is out of my league...

Judge brenner signed...

- [Gasps] - [Waymond speaking indistinctly]

Uh, excuse me. Excuse me, Mr. Wang.

Every person I know is going through a hard time.

It's a hard time... [Continues indistinctly]

[Jobu] Evelyn.

Come back.

[Deirdre] ...Relationship, I don't ask for proof...

[Evelyn] My silly husband.

Probably making things worse.

[Jobu] Ignore it.

[Sighs]

Okay, you can let her go.

You, let her go. It's okay.

Thank you.

[Speaking mandarin]

[In English] How? That's impossible.

It's just a statistical inevitability. It's nothing special.

[Voice breaking] I don't know, I just talked to her.

[Sniffles]

[Waymond singing in mandarin]

- [Lighter flickers] - [Ceo waymond speaking mandarin]

[Waymond, in English] Please!

Please!

Can we... can we just stop fighting?

[Ceo waymond continues in mandarin]

[In English] I know you are all fighting because you're scared and confused.

I'm confused, too.

All day,

I don't know what the heck is going on. [Sobbing]

But somehow,

this feels like it's all my fault.

[Ceo waymond continues in mandarin]

[In English] I don't know.

[Sniffles]

The only thing I do know

is that we have to be kind.

[Sobs]

Please.

Be kind,

especially when we don't know what's going on.

[Ceo waymond continues in mandarin]

[Jobu, in English] Hey, Evelyn!

Bagel

[Alpha gong gong] Evelyn... [chuckles]

You can still turn around and avoid all this.

[Waymond] Please...

[Sniffles] Be kind.

It's too late, waymond.

[Breath trembling]

Don't say that.

[Sentimental music playing]

[Laughing] Did you see that?

[Laughing excitedly]

[Grunting excitedly]

- [Joy] Check this... - Found it.

- What song is this? - [Ringing rhythmically]

[Waymond] Thanks. Thank you for coming.

[Speaking indistinctly]

That's very funny.

- [Waymond] Yeah, that's it? - [Young joy] Yeah!

[Ceo waymond speaking mandarin]

[Chuckles]

[Singing indistinctly]

- [Sniffling] - [Dustpan clatters]

I'm sorry.

[Speaking indistinctly]

[Laughing]

[Sniffles]

[Jobu] Oh!

So cute.

Come on, Evelyn.

Come on.

I get it.

Feeling a good thing.

You got your hopes up.

So, I'm here to save you some time.

Eventually,

that all just goes away.

Come on.

[Dramatic music playing]

[Screaming]

I don't care if you come with me.

Enjoy your life.

Evelyn! Evelyn, please.

No more.

I don't want to hurt you.

[Evelyn grunting]

Joy, come back with me.

Joyljoy!

[Bagel Deirdre grunts]

[Yelling]

What did my silly husband say to you?

He told me about your situation.

I remembered when my husband served me papers.

I drove his kia forte through my neighbors' kitchen.

[Evelyn scoffs]

But you know what I say?

"It's cold, unlovable bitches like us

make the world go round."

[Playing piano]

Don't stop playing.

Play something for me.

[Playing Clair de lune]

That's not true.

[Deirdre sighs]

- You're not unlovable. - You're not unlovable!

What are you talking about?

There is always something to love.

[Continues playing piano]

Even in a stupid, stupid universe...

[Scoffing] ...Where we have hot dogs for fingers,

we'd get very good with our feet!

[Grunting]

[Both choking and grunting]

[Deirdre gasps]

- [Deirdre exclaims] - [Grunts]

- [Evelyn] See that? - Okay.

[Cries] I feel nothing!

I feel...

I feel... [sobbing]

[Continues playing Clair de lune]

[Guns cocking]

Don't let her stop job...

Open fire!

[Inaudible]

So stupid.

[No audio]

Evelyn...

What are you doing?

I'm learning to fight like you.

[Dreamy music playing]

[Inaudible]

[Sword whooshing]

[Wedding march playing]

[Man yelling]

[Rick] You know, Evelyn,

my wife used to wear that exact same perfume,

god rest her soul.

[Grunts]

[Dr. Evelyn] These are direct indications

that there's some impingement of the nervous system.

[Grunts]

[Dr. Evelyn] With a little bit of help,

we could be seeing things are nice and straight.

[Bones crack]

[Yelling]

[Dr. Evelyn] You might feel a little sore, but everything is looking pretty good.

Thank you.

Clean up in there, all right?

[Muffled yelling]

[Evelyn grunting]

[Sentimental music playing]

[Distorted groaning]

[Wheelchair beeping]

[Grunts]

[Jobu grunting and groaning]

[Panting]

[Yelling]

[Grunting]

[Gasping]

You took everything away from me.

I'm sorry.

[Sobbing] Raccaccoonie taught me so much.

[Continues sobbing] I didn't... I didn't even know how to boil an egg.

And he taught me how to spin it on a spatula.

I'm useless alone.

[Gasps]

We are all useless alone.

It's a good thing you're not alone.

Let's go rescue your silly raccoon.

[Exclaiming and grunting]

[Panting] We're gonna go.

[Panting]

[Chef Evelyn spurring]

[Grunting]

[Yelling]

[People yelling]

[Yelling]

[Continues yelling]

[Dog whining]

[Alpha gong gong, grunting] Get out of the way.

[Evelyn grunting]

[Evelyn groaning]

[Waymond speaking mandarin]

[Gong gong speaking cantonese]

[Actress Evelyn] Waymond!

[Jobu, in English] See?

It's only a matter of time before everything balances itself out.

- Come on, come on, come on! - [Chad] I can't. I'm sorry, raccaccoonie!

I'm sorry.

[Groaning]

[Whispering] Evelyn, let her go.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Sighs]

[In English] But she turned out to be stubborn,

aimless,

just like her mother.

But now I see.

It's okay that she's a mess.

Because just like me...

[Scoffs]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Joy huffs]

[Receding footsteps]

[Dramatic music playing]

[Grunts]

[Yelling]

[Evelyn grunting]

[Groans]

Well, maybe you win in this universe,

but in another time...

[Both grunting]

I beat you!

Or we tie!

[Both continue grunting]

[Jobu] Or we just... hang around.

[Evelyn] Okay, joy, listen...

[Evelyn grunts]

Because it's all just a pointless, swirling bucket of bullshit.

That bagel is where we finally find peace, Evelyn.

Stop calling me Evelyn!

[Yells]

Your...

Mother!

[Both grunting]

Ah ba?

[Grunting]

Seriously?

Can you please just...

Stop! [Sobbing]

Mom...

Just... just stop.

Good for you. You're figuring your shit out.

And that's great. I'm really, really happy for you.

But I'm...

I'm tired.

I don't want to hurt anymore,

and for some reason when I'm with you, it just...

It just hurts the both of us.

So let's just go our separate ways, okay?

Just let me go.

[Softly] Okay.

[Sentimental music playing]

[Wind blowing]

[Young joy laughing]

Wait.

You are getting fat.

And you never call me, even though we have a family plan.

- What? - And it's free.

You only visit when you need something.

You got a tattoo, and I don't care if it's supposed to represent our family.

You know I hate tattoos.

And of all the places I could be,

why would I want to be here with you?

Yes, you're right.

It doesn't make sense.

Evelyn. [Speaking mandarin]

[In English] Let her finish.

Maybe it's like you said.

Maybe there is something out there,

some new discovery that'll make us feel

like even smaller pieces of shit.

Something that explains why

you still went looking for me through all of this noise.

And why,

- no matter what... - [Joy cries]

I still want to be here with you.

I will always,

always...

Want to be here with you.

So, what? [Sobs]

You're just going to ignore everything else?

You could be anything, anywhere.

[Sobbing] Why not go somewhere where your...

Where your daughter is more than just...

This? [Chuckles]

Here, all we get

are a few specks of time

where any of this actually makes any sense.

Then I will Cherish

these few specks of time.

[Device powering down]

You push the button.

There. There you go.

Feel like I'm 14.

[Coughs]

[Evelyn] You're a crazy woman.

[Deirdre] Takes one to know one.

I'm sorry, raccaccoonie. I'm sorry...

- What are you doing? - Grab my hair.

[Both grunting]

[Speaking cantonese]

[In English] What did he say? [Chuckles]

[Sobbing]

[Speaking mandarin]

[Yells]

[Sentimental music continues]

[Both laughing]

[All] J“ we are family I“

[Music stops playing]

[Both sobbing]

[Waymond chuckles]

This is so awkward.

This is awkward, right?

Do you still want to do your party?

We can do whatever we want.

Nothing matters.

[Joy chuckling]

[Toilet flushing]

[Door opens and closes]

[Joy] Okay, we're definitely late now, guys.

Do you have to bring all these?

Mm-hmm.

That needs to go in the bag, too.

[Scoffs]

Taxes suck.

[Joy humming]

[Indistinct chattering]

Thank you for the ride, Becky.

- Hey, it's good. - Mm-hmm. You got this, okay?

- I'll call you after... - Becky.

You need to grow your hair.

[Chuckling]

- Wow... - [Both giggling]

I'll call you later.

[Evelyn] Hurry, hurry.

I gotta pee. Hold on.

Okay. Hurry.

[Speaking mandarin]

[Security scanner beeping]

[Chuckles, speaks mandarin]

[Deirdre] Okay. Yes.

I am happy to say I do think

things are better. This is... This is an improvement.

And I'm glad that you listened, but we have a problem,

because you listened, but you didn't listen.

And that has to do with the schedule c.

You see you did...

[Voices speaking indistinctly]

[Deirdre] Evelyn! Did you hear me?

Sorry, what did you say?

[Dramatic music playing]

[Soft music playing]

["This is a life" by son Lux with mitski and David byrne playing]

[Instrumental music playing]