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All language subtitles for The Thick of It - 03x01 - Episode #3.1.Unspecified.English.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,672 - Paul, good to see you. - Hello, Malcolm. 2 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,159 Congratulations. In you come. 3 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,754 You would be sitting at the top table. 4 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,310 Fantastic. The Department of Energy and Climate Change as well. 5 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,277 That's more important than Defence, in a way. 6 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,511 If we haven't got a planet left, we can't blow the fucker up, can we? 7 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,079 - Ed! - Yes? 8 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,594 - Where the fuck is Doug Hayes? - Yes, we've put in a lot of calls. 9 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,036 Well, put in a lot more calls. I'm talking psycho ex-girlfriend 10 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:30,235 with a really good tariff. 11 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,108 NICOLA: Fuck, right. Uh... 12 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,636 Ooh, Malcolm Tucker is on his way in. It's all suddenly very real. 13 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:38,755 A-ha. 14 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,229 Should I have read this... Should I have gone through... 15 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,311 Oh, no, don't worry about that. That's, uh... 16 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,836 That is purely ornamental, much like Glenn's balls. 17 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:52,235 Malcolm must be hating this, all these bright, fresh new ministers 18 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,469 - to blood in. - Yeah, I suppose so. 19 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,630 He's gonna have to let her to go free-range for a week, isn't he? 20 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:56,755 Till after the by-election. 21 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,558 Then he can snap her beak off, 22 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,039 cram her into the battery cage. 23 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:01,633 Nicola, "I'm not very good with cages." 24 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:02,869 (IMITATING MALCOLM) "Get in there, Nicola, 25 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,554 "Fucking get in till you're perfectly square 26 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,710 "and you're shiteing cuboid eggs." 27 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,518 Thank God I'm safe. 28 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,273 I'm glued to this department and you'd have to steam me off. 29 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,874 Yeah. Well, you don't have to worry about me. 30 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,190 You don't hang around in this business as long as I have 31 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:18,952 without picking up contacts. 32 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,874 Yes. But Disraeli's dead, Glenn, he died in the Crimea. 33 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,234 Did you not hear the town crier announce it? 34 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:25,719 Yeah. Jim? 35 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,076 Hi, Terri. Do you mind if I just... 36 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:31,878 - Hi, Robyn. ...sit here? 37 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,713 Well, I'm having a working lunch, actually. 38 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,678 I've just got a few things I need to sort out. 39 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,671 A couple of briefings and so on. 40 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,638 - I'll just sit here and eat my crisps. - Just keep it quiet, 41 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,597 if you know what I mean. 42 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,750 So, how's it going? How's the new girl? 43 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,912 She's not a girl, is she? She's never going to see 40 again. 44 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,355 Well, how old is she? She's one of those women, isn't she, 45 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,635 - that doesn't really look her age? - Yeah, well, how do you know 46 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,597 that she doesn't look her age if you don't actually know 47 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,591 - what age she is? - Well, how old is she, then? 48 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,432 - You issued the press release. - Yeah, I don't know. 49 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,876 She's forty... three? Something, something like 43. 50 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,552 Anyway, whatever age she is, 51 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,473 very soon she's going to look like a haggard old woman. 52 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,120 - How many ministers have you had? - I've had five. 53 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,395 I've had five ministers. It's a box set, really, isn't it? 54 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:16,870 I mean, I am working in the village of Midsomer 55 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,279 and I am John Nettles. 56 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,999 Oh! God, I wish you were John Nettles. 57 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,071 You like to watch programmes about death, do you, Robyn? 58 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,116 Well, I like a bit of murder. 59 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,634 Mmm, well, you work in the right place. 60 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,553 - Lf she lasts nine weeks... - Mmm? 61 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:33,074 ...I'll gain 48 pounds. - Yeah, in weight? 62 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,991 - No! - You've actually got a sweepstake 63 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,150 running on which week she's going to get sacked? 64 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,356 Yeah, well, I'm not running it. Henry is. 65 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,716 You're putting the value of a professional career 66 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,473 of a Secretary of State at ?48? 67 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,279 I thought it was quite a lot, actually. 68 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,679 Maybe it is. 69 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,955 I think I'd better go and have a quick word with... Who? 70 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,314 - Dave? - Henry. 71 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,391 - Henry. - No, you'll be wasting your time, Terri. 72 00:02:56,480 --> 00:03:00,109 I think you'll find the first 24 weeks have already gone. 73 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,357 There is no coverage here. I can't... There's nothing. 74 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,591 I've got one bar. It's a one-bar town. 75 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,353 Like a Western. Backwaters of Leamington. 76 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,988 You know I grew up round here, do you? 77 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,640 Well, they wouldn't have had mobile phones then, so... 78 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,039 - (MOBILE BEEPS) - Malcolm. 79 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,556 - (NINTENDO DS BEEPING) - TERRl: It's a very childish sound. 80 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,916 - Beepity-beep, bop, boppity... - What is 19 plus 37? 81 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,953 I don't know what you're doing playing children's games and... 82 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,234 It's not a children's game. 83 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,629 Why don't you just, you know, go back to school? 84 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,439 I mean, you could start at the bottom and work it all through again. 85 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,476 That would train your brain. 86 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:42,314 I reckon Nicola would make a really good primary school headteacher, don't you? 87 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,154 - Something like that? - I mean, she's certainly bossy enough. 88 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,152 Do you... Do you remember that woman who came last week? 89 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,835 The one who did the homophobia in the workplace training? 90 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,920 Well, Nicola really, really reminds me of her. 91 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,514 - Yeah, but she was much taller. - Mmm. 92 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:08,036 You know, the point is why does Nicola do this job? 93 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,111 - I mean, why DoSAC? - Mmm. 94 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,556 It's like working for, you know, a charity, a really rubbish charity 95 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,358 - that everybody hates. - Mmm. 96 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,317 So why do they do it? 97 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,318 - Don't know. - It can't be for the power. 98 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:20,913 - Mmm. - I mean, 'cause they don't really 99 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,752 have any, do they? 100 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,637 And it certainly can't be for the money 101 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,633 because even graphic designers earn more than they do. 102 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,155 - Mmm. - People don't hate them. 103 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,835 You know, even the ones who turn out to be pricks 104 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:35,989 and are married. 105 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,957 Listen, sweetheart, I'm going to just hand you over 106 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,519 to a really funny, silly man. 107 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,716 - Hang on, hang on. - So you talk to the silly man 108 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,153 and then I'll be right back. 109 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,471 - Talk to Josh. - Okay. Josh, dude, how's it hanging? 110 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,836 - He's five. - Um, how... How are you? 111 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,319 Malcolm. 112 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,553 - Did you hang up on my son? - No, no. No, he hung up on me. 113 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,871 - He said he was bored of me. - Yeah, well, that makes two of us. 114 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:03,989 Right. 115 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:13,311 - Something terrible has happened. - I was thinking not to tell anybody. 116 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,630 Just sit on it, really. Stop it growing. 117 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,312 - Zap it like a tumour. - Thank you. 118 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,515 Malcolm's on his way over. 119 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,635 If this has got any bigger, 120 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,598 you're gonna feel the thump of a fucking harpoon in your thorax. 121 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,033 - Does he know? - I don't think so. 122 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,076 - Do you want me to go and ask? - ALL: No, no, don't! 123 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,149 All right. 124 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,878 Two minutes and I will be back. 125 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,109 That's it. He knows. 126 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,316 - Do you want me to follow him again? - Yes. Yes. No, yes. 127 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,118 I'm Secretary of State. Yes, yes. 128 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,156 Do you know, Malcolm? 129 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,995 Uh, the best way to clear a paper jam? 130 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,469 - Malcolm, do you know... - Obviously he knows. 131 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,551 No, he doesn't know. 132 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:48,919 Today, you have laid your first big fat egg of solid fuck. 10842