All language subtitles for Pair Girl

[Gong]

[Music]

[Upbeat music]

J" they come from here j“

j" they come from there j”

j” no matter where they come from
they're always welcome everywhere j“

j " au pair j"

j“ with swinging hips j“

j" and swinging hair j”

I they had a dream to the swinging
scene every girl was keen to share j“

j " au pair j"

j“ today j”

j“ you were strangers far apart j"

j" but soon j”

j" maybe love will spark j”

j“ she will win your heart j“

[beating drum]

J" you like her smile j“

j" but in a while j“

j' you're bound to know that you're going
to go far away and leave your bed j“

j“ take care j“

j“ if you fall in love j'

j“ with a new au pair j“

j " au pair j"

j " au pair j"

[music]

J“ today j”

j“ you were strangers far apart j"

j" but soon j”

j" maybe love will spark j”

j“ she will win your heart j“

[beating drum]

J" you like her smile j“

j" but in a while j“

j” you're bound to know that she's going
to go far away and leave your bed j“

j“ take care j“

j“ if you fall in love j'

j“ with a new au pair j“

j " au pair j"

j " au pair j"

Scandinavian airlines announce the arrival
of their flight 369 from Stockholm.

[Music]

Will the trans-europa air crew
report to the duty office at once please

[drums]

[Theme tune]

J" they come from here j“

j" they come from there j”

j” no matter where they come from
they're always welcome everywhere j“

j " au pair j"

j“ with swinging hips j“

j" and swinging hair j”

I they had a dream to the swinging
scene every girl was keen to share j“

j " au pair j"

j” today j”

j” you were strangers far apart j”

j” but soon j”

j” maybe love will spark j”

j” she will win your heart j”

[beating drum]

J” you like her smile j”

j” but in a while j”

j” you're bound to know that she's going
to go far away and leave your bed j”

j” take care j”

j” if you fall in love j”

j” with a new au pair j”

j” au pair j”

[door closing]

J” au pair j”

well, now girls the overseas employment
agency welcomes you to London

and hopes that your stay here
will be both happy and rewarding.

One little word of warning, however.

Although you have come

to live with English people in
order to learn the language,

you must remember that
you are being paid to help

with the light domestic
duties of those families.

Do we all understand?

- Yes, ja.
- Ah good.

Now

miss Anita sector?

That is me.

I have come already.

I expect you will be anxious
to meet your family?

- Oh, ja.
- Well, now there is

a mr and mrs Howard.

Both very nice people and a lovely house.

They have colour TV?

Colour TV?

Uh well I suppose so.

But you must remember, you
are here to work, not play.

Oh, yeah I work with them all day.

And in the evening I
play with myself, with TV.

- It's no good?
- Yeah, I suppose so.

Uh here's the address.

'Tack, tack.'

[paper rustling and footsteps]

Miss randi lindstrom.

Welcome to London, dear.

[Theme music]

And all the above listed commodities

are licenced by the us for ultimate
destination Beirut, Lebanon.

And any deviation therefore
is contrary to us law

and is strictly prohibited.

Yours faithfully, et cetera, et cetera.

Marine engineering
corporation, San Francisco.

[Door opens]

Oh, oh, sorry dad I didn't
know you were dictating.

Well what the hell did
you think I was doing?

Having an orgy with miss Fitch?

[Music]

There's also a lit sign over the
door which says, do not enter.

And even if it wasn't lit, it's common
courtesy to knock before entering.

- Yes dad I'm sorry.
- No, no, no, not now, not now,

Christ you're thick at your age.

Alright miss Fitch I'll ring for you.

Yes mr Wainwright.

[Footsteps]

- Right well, what's the problem.
- Huh?

[Door closes]

Well, there's no real problem, dad.

Would you mind not calling me dad,

you're supposed to be a deputy
managing director of this company,

just call me bw like everyone else.

Yes bw.

Well, the point is that
mum, I'm sorry, uh

mrs bw suggested that I
should pick up the new au pair.

You mean you suggested it?

Well, I mean, she may never
have been in London before,

well what is she a deaf mute or something?

She doesn't have to be picked up.

Well perhaps she can't speak in English.

Well, of course she does,
everybody speaks English.

Do you think I could have
founded a business like this

if I couldn't speak English?

No, of course not.

All right, well, just go. Go.

And send in miss Fitch.

Yes dad, bw.

[Footsteps]

- Of course, if you feel I shouldn't.
- I said go.

[Footsteps and door opening]

I mean, you know, I
wouldn't like you to think...

Will you piss off?

Yes dad, bw.

[Music]

[Drum music]

[Music]

[Car horn beeps]
[Brakes screech]

[Music]

[Lift button clicks]

[Music]

Oh, I do beg your pardon?

Oh, it's nothing.

- It could have been.
- It's all right.

Hey, excuse me are you uh,

are you miss lindstrom?

- Yes.
- Ah, that's a bit of luck.

I'm mr Wainwright.

Oh, I'm mr Wainwright, your employer.

Me, mr Wainwright.

Oh, mr Wainwright.

Oh, how you do?

Me do fine and, uh, me

have car outside.

- Ja.
- And you, yeah you have baggage?

- Ja.
- Ja, ja good.

- Two here.
- Two good.

- Thank you.
- Not at all.

You are a nice surprise for me.

The feeling's mutual.

[Footsteps and gru nt]

[Boot opening, car door opening

[bags going in boot, car
door closes and boot closes]

[Horn beeps]

[Car door opens, clatter sound]

[Gasps and groans]

Oh, you hurt yourself?

No, no, no, but I almost
lost my virginity, that's all.

You are a virgin still?

No, it's just a joke, miss lindstrom.

Just an English joke.

Oh please, I am not miss lindstrom,

my friends they call me randi.

As a matter of fact, so do mine.

[Music]

It's nice you picked me up, Stephen.

Oh, that's okay, uh by the way,

don't call me Stephen when we're at home

you know, my parents are a bit square.

Oh square ja.

It's all right when we are alone.

It certainly is.

I'm sorry, are you cold?
I can put the hood up if you like.

[Fiaughs]

In danske this is not cold

in kahlenberg, in my home

the sea is now froze.

We have to break the ice to swim.

[Shiver]

No it's good.

And after in the steam room,
we rub the bodies with hot oil.

[Drum music]

Stephen!

[Car horn beeps]

Oh I'm sorry, I must
have been miles away.

[Car horn beeping]

And you.

[Car horn beeping]

[Music]

[Bang]

[Music]

[Chugging]

[Screech]

[Car door clicks open]

[Footsteps]

- Sod it!
- Oh, you are perforated.

It takes long though, never mind I fix it.

You can't fix it randi.

Sure, I work in gas station.

I fix other wheel.

There isn't another wheel,
the other wheel's being fixed.

Oh look here's another
car, get out of the way.

[Car passing]

Thank you very much.

[Chugging]

It's okay I fix this one.

[Footsteps]

Ah randi, randi, wait a minute.

[Slow music]

[Tractor chugging, brakes screech]

[Click]

Gentleman's had a puncture Fred,
about three miles down the road.

Oh, can't do nothing till Burt gets back.

Then can't do nothing
till that Van's fixed.

Then can't do nothing
till we've got his wheel.

- Then can't do nothing...
- Excuse, excuse me, excuse me.

How long is this
"can't do nothing" going to take.

Oh can't do nothing for a
couple of hours at least.

Well I mean, isn't there
a pub or something near here?

Nothing's near here except Burt and me

and his farm.

Well you're welcome
to wait there if you wish.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh please Stephen?

In Denmark my father,
he have three farms.

- Has he now?
- Yes, he mate pigs.

Does he now?

Well, that settles it.

[Tractor starts up]

Fred will bring the car
round when it's ready.

It's exciting to see
real English farm, no?

Hey, hold on.

[Car engine]

I think this is it, let's make sure.

Yes, it's here.

- Oh and there's TV Ariel, it's good.
- Very good.

You have been most assistant Malcom

how much do you want off me?

Well, why don't we discuss that tonight?

- Tonight?
- Yes.

I might even give it to you on the house.

Pick you up here at nine o'clock.

Show you the London scene.

Fantastisk.

Oh yeah, I think I make
the scene with you.

You can say that again.

Right out you get.

[Car door opens]

[Car doors shut]

[Footsteps]

[Letterbox opens and shuts]

[Knocking]

[Door opening]

No I'm sorry, I don't need anything.

It's not you?

[Paper rustles]

- Oh.
- I Anita, au pair.

Ah I see, we were expecting
someone rather different.

Please come in.

[Footsteps]

You better leave the
luggage here for the moment.

There you are then.

One more to come.

Oh, wunderbar!

TV it is colour?

I'm afraid not.

Oh, why you not have colour?

It's wonderful at home we
even got in sauna room.

You have sauna room?

We have bathroom.

[Malcolm] That's the lot then.

See you outside tonight at nine o'clock.

Okay.

It's alright I go out tonight?

Of course, provided
you're not back too late.

Oh no.

Now you'll want to see your room.

Oh, ja.

[Door opens]

[Footsteps]

I sleep alone.

- I trust so.
- In Sweden I sleep as two at once.

- Oh?
- Yeah my sisters.

I see.

Your duties will not be too arduous.

My husband must have his
breakfast at 7:30 every morning,

except sundays, 7:30 sharp.

Mr Howard is very strict about time.

Your husband is good?

So far.

When men are good, it's always better.

Household duties include
washing and ironing.

And where do I make clean?

I beg your pardon?

Oh bath.

Where do you make a bath?

I mean, take a bath,

yeah, yeah, yeah bath.

[Fiaughs]

I'll show you.

[Footsteps]

This is it.

And there's the urn.

Oh ja, it's all right I bath me now?

Well, yes.

'Tack, tack.'

uh be careful of the hot water.

Mr Howard doesn't like it wasted.

[Water running]

Oh, it's good for the hair.

Mr Howard will be home soon

if you hurry you can have tea with us.

Oh, ja, I hurry.

[Water running]

And I hope mr Howard will dig me.

Already I pick up a lot of English.

[Water running]

Quite.

[Footsteps]

[Door slams]

[Shower sprays, water splashing]

[Music]

[Car revs]

[Singing, door closes]

Hilda

I'm home.

[Coat rustles]

[Humming]

[Squelch]

Hilda!

There's a leak in the bathroom.

Alfred!

[Music]

[Crash]

Oh shit!

Hilda!

No, I Anita.

[Water running]

Hello, are you mr Howard?

Hilda.

Alfred, Alfred I tried to tell you.

Who is that? Who are you?

[Knocking]

And what are you doing in my bathroom?

Alfred, your blood pressure.

Bugger my blood pressure.

I'm insured against that.

I'm not insured against internal flooding.

[Knocking]

Come out of there.

[Bath draining]

Oh Alfred, this is Anita

our new au pair.

Pair.

[Theme music]

[Car doors opening]

[Birds squawking]

[Door closing]

[Birds squawking, chirping]

[Door opening]

[Footsteps]

[Birds squawking]

[Cucmng]

[Piano music]

[Footsteps]

[Piano music]

[Door shuts]

[Piano music and footsteps]

[Door opens]

[Louder piano music]

[Clears throat]

- Who's that?
- It's rathbone m'iady.

I brought the young lady.

What young lady?

The au pair girl, m'iady.

I just fetched her from the station.

Au pair?

Yes, m'iady, to look after
young master Rupert.

Oh that one.

Now where is she?

Oh, there you are, my dear.

Good afternoon.

How nice to see you.

That is if I could see you,
step into the light child.

Oh yes, you're beautiful.

Quite beautiful.

Thank you m'iady.

Rupert, dear.

[Piano music]

Rupert.

[Piano music]

[Cane smacks]

Rupert come here, dear.

[Footsteps]

- Yes, mother?
- This is miss um,

come here dear.

[Footsteps]

Lee, nan Lee.

Oh it's a charming
name for a charming girl.

This is our only son, Rupert.

Hello.

Well what do you say, Rupert?

Oh how do you do?

That's right, I'm grooming
Rupert for the concert hall.

You play wonderful.

Yes, he has great talent.

Just feel this.

There's true greatness in
that hand, don't you think?

Well I

well Rupert, what do you
think of your new playmate?

It's beautiful, mother.

I like it.

[Door closes]

If the au pair arrives today.

You can't leave her alone in
the house on her first night.

Honestly, mother, you talk more crap.

Don't you think German girls
can take care of themselves?

Ricky strange is appearing
at groovers tonight

and I'm not missing the freak out
of the month for any bloody au pair.

For one night in the year
you'll do as you're told.

Alright, I'll take her too.

Christa geisler you're
in for a groovy first night.

Well, only if she wants to go, Carole.

Are you kidding?
It's Ricky strange

everyone wants to go, except you.

[Doorbell]

- That's probably her now.
- Great.

Well do give her a
chance to settle in, Carole.

[Door opens]

[Sigh, door closes]

Oh, ja.

The room is very gemutlich.

What is your word? Cosy?

Well, it's not claridge's,
but it all works.

Shower.

Wunderbar.

[Footsteps]

Please, I have a question.

How do I call your father,
sir or herr Fairfax?

Take your pick, as long as it
isn't hey you he's not fussy.

- Good.
- Now, please, I have a question.

- Ja.
- Ever heard of Ricky strange?

- Naturally.
- Well, you're going to meet him tonight.

Tonight?

But the family?
All taken care of.

Now let's choose your gear.

Christa, you don't really wear these?

- Ja.
- You're having me on.

Nein, I don't understand.

They're just guaranteed
passion killers, that's all.

Hey, is your boyfriend kinky?

That'd be wild.

I have no boyfriend, no special one.

Well, whoever you sleep with?

I do not sleep with...

It has not yet happened.

It hasn't happened?

Intacto, man this is too much!

Please we change the subject, yes?

We change more than the subject,
christa baby, we change you.

- But my unpacking?
- Forget it.

[Music]

J” they come from here j”

j” they come from there j”

j” no matter where they come from
they're always welcome everywhere j”

j” au pair j”

j” with swinging hips j”

j” and swinging hair j”

j” they had a dream to the swinging
scene every girl was keen to share j”

j” au pair j”

j” today j”

j” you were strangers far apart j”

j” but soon j”

j” maybe love will spark j”

j” she will win your heart j”

[beating drum]

J” you like her smile j”

j” but in a while j”

j” you're bound to know that you're
going to go far away and leave your bed j”

j” take care j”

j” if you fall in love j”

j” with a new au pair j”

[music]

[Theme music]

[Beating drum]

[Theme music]

J” au pair j”

[theme music]

[Feet shuffling]

If a man says you can wait in his farm,

you don't expect him to mean his barn.

Please Stephen, why you
do not stop fermenting?

Look I don't know about in
calamine or wherever you're...

- Kahlenberg.
- Yes well listen

in this country, a farm is a
farm and a barn is a barn.

[Splash]

He explain his house
is good for fumigated.

Yes well I'd like to fumigate him.

But it is necessary because
he's full of terminites.

Termites, termites. Yeah.

So now I do my toes.

Come, you hold my foot.

[Footstep and sighs]

Oh more high please.

[Chickens clucking]

[Cow moos]

You are a very bad man, mr Stephen.

Randi.

[Giggi_es]

Come here.

[Giggles, ripping]

Oh, now you tear my dress.

I never touched it.

I read about your kind.

Rape.

Rape. Rape.

Be quiet for god's sake,
somebody might believe it.

Only if you will buy new dress.

Best dress.

[Ladder creaking]

Come on, randi.

Now, come on stop playing games.

Just want to give you a bit of a cuddle.

[Crash, laughter]

Now, what do you say, huh?

Now, what does naughty mr Stephen say?

Put that away before you hurt somebody.

[Fiaughs]

[Laughs, ripping noise]

Oh no, my dress again, look.

Never mind about the dress,

I'll buy you another, two others.

Come on, take it off.

I mean, we might be able to fix it.

Oh no, it is not so
easy to undress randi.

Randi! Watch it!

[Screams, splash]

[Gasps]

Oh this water's cold.

[Gasping, splashing]

Listen are you alright, are you alright?

- Oh that was your fault!
- My fault?

Listen, I was trying to stop you wasn't I?

First you tear me two
times and then you wet me.

I did no such thing.

And you lose my ring in there.

Well what kind of a ring is it?

Expensive kind.

Oh look, don't worry, I'll
get it, I'll get it for you.

I'll get some...

[Splash, laughter]

How it feels to be wet Stephen?

Wonderful.

[Kissing]

[Chickens clucking]

[Heavy breathing]

- Hold me.
- I'm trying to hold you.

[Groans]

[Gasps]

[Car horn beeps]

[Chickens clucking]

[Engine running]

Hold it Burt!

[Engine running]

[Car door opens]

Your tyre's done.

Oh good, excuse me.

[Hay rustling, chickens clucking]

Thank you very much.

Uh, how much do I owe you?

It's cost you £2.

£2 right.

I'm sorry, they're a bit, bit soggy.

- There you are. One, two.
- Plus £3 for

towing to the garage.

Towing?

You took the ignition
key, couldn't start it.

Oh that was a bit stupid of me wasn't it?

Plus another three for
Burt and me getting it here.

[Sighs, huffs]

There we are two, three.

- Thank you very much for your help.
- You've uncoupled Burt?

[Footsteps]

You can catch pneumonia
standing around like that.

So it's good.

[Chickens clucking]

[Engine starts]

[Chickens clucking]

[Engine driving away]

Please you get my baggage?

I have dry clothes inside.

Yes, yes of course.

And no more rape.

I wish you wouldn't
keep on using that word.

[Patting sound]

Oh no!

[Fast footsteps, splashing]

Oh no, I've bloody lost them.

[Hay rustling]

Oh bloody hell!

I lost the bloody car keys.

Please Stephen I'm cold.

Don't worry.

[Fast footprints]

I always travel with a spare.

I keep it taped under the bumper.
Come on in you get.

[Door opens]

Come on, jump in.

My clothes!

Listen, this key doesn't fit
the boot as well, you know.

(Speaking in Danish)

Come on now look, just relax all right?

I'll put the uh, put the
hood up, the heater on

and you'll be warm in no time at all.

We go home now?

What, I thought you're joking.

My father would have a coronary.

Well what?

Well look don't worry, I'll
think of something, huh?

Right.

[Car starts, chickens clucking]

[Water flowing]

[Laughter]

You mean you've never
been away from this place?

Never, well rathbone takes me for
a drive now and then to the village.

Once we went to bexley,
that's almost 35 miles nan.

But don't you have any friends?

Oh yes, Peggy and Sarah are my cousins,

they come here twice a
year, we have great fun.

We play all sorts of
games like hide and seek.

Let's play hide and seek, nan, come on.

[Fiaughs]

Okay,

[piano music]

[Orchestral music]

There's the swing, come on I'll push you.

I haven't done this for years.

Oh a long time.

Oh, not too high.

[Orchestral music, squeals]

Do you like it?

Yes but please Rupert, not too hard.

Oh, you're a scaredy cat.

[Rippling music]

Don't you want to go higher?

I can go higher.

[Rippling music]

- And higher.
- Rupert!

- And higher.
- Rupert!

Stop it, let me down. Rupert!

[Calmer music]

Why did you do that, Rupert?

You frightened me.

I didn't mean to frighten you, nan.

[Footsteps, birds squawking]

It-it was only a game.

Well I don't like that sort of game.

Well, what sort of game do you like, nan?

The kissing game.

Do you like the kissing game?

What's that?

Peggy and Sarah and me often play it.

It's easy, I'll show you.

You have to close your eyes and
guess how many fingers I'm holding up.

All right?

Go on then, close them.

How many?

Three.

None. You pay a forfeit.

[Kiss]

Go on your turn.

- Ready?
- Yes.

Five.

I won again.

I've never done that before.

[Slow music]

[Theme music, electronic version]

It's still very wet, it's
more good tomorrow.

Yes well press what you can out of it.

It might stop the paper from peeling off.

[Car horn beeps]

Oh that's Malcolm,
please I tell him to wait.

[Footsteps down ladder]

[Door opens]

Malcolm please wait, I still at work.

She's not going out already?

I said she could, Alfred.

All right Anita, you can
get yourself ready now.

Oh, 'tack tack.'

'tack.'

[footsteps]

I suppose she'll get
pregnant like the last one.

[Ladder clunks]

[Music]

[Car horn]

[Car horn beeping

[crash]

[Music]

[Footsteps]

[Music]

[TV in background]

[Knocking]

[TV in background]

[Knocking]

[TV in background]

- I go now.
- All right, Anita.

- I have key please?
- [Albert] No, you do not have key.

You get back here by
11, after that we're in bed.

I don't want my wife
getting up to let you in.

Okay 11 o'clock.

You nice man.

I'll be good tomorrow.

[Music, TV in background,
door opens and shuts]

[Ball rolls and clatters]

[Croupier] (Speaking in French)

Poor Malcolm, maybe
itry. I think I win.

Shush, I'm working a system.

[Chatter]

[Click, chips stacking, chatter]

[Croupier] (Speaking in French)

[Chatter, ball rolling]

[Clatter]

[Croupier] (Speaking in French)

I win, I win.

Oh big deal,

you win 20 pence and
so far, I've lost 200 quid.

Tonight?

- Malcolm let's go now.
- No don't be silly.

The moment I quit it'll come
up, it's the law of averages.

You look after my seat and I'll
go and get some more cash.

[Footsteps]

[Chatter, chips clinking]

[Footsteps, chatter]

[Chips clinking]

In the numbers seven, eight and nine,
are the flower numbers of the stars.

If I may, I would like
to place them for you.

Oh, that seat is took.

[Champagne popping]

Then I shall untake it when he'll return.

[Croupier] (Speaking in French)

Your stars must be of these three numbers,

the star numbers.

[Croupier] (Speaking in French)

[Ball rolls and clatters]

[Croupier] (Speaking in French)

- Eight.
- What is ordained is ordained.

Eight, it is one of your numbers.

[Chatter]

I thought I told you to keep my seat?

Ah, she did try dear chap,

I borrowed it for one spin of the wheel.

They are your winnings, my flower child

may I suggest that you collect them?

What's all this then?

I win Malcolm.

Big win, it's good no?

But how'd you get that lot?

He chose flower number for me.

Ah, did he?

He did.

I am the sheik El abab
at your service dear chap.

Quite frankly, I don't
give a shit who you are.

Your type speaks for itself.

Think you can just go around picking up
anyone's woman here, there and everywhere.

But not from London airport, mr minicab.

Come my child.

We will celebrate with some champagne.

While your money is changed.

[Click, feet shuffling]

[Croupier] (Speaking in French)

[Chatter, ball rolling]

What was that airport crack in aid of.

Mostly in aid of dr
marsden, the gynaecologist.

Oh, isn't that his profession?

I have nothing against the gentleman.

Three champagne cocktails.

Come on Anita, we're leaving.

I didn't get my winnings.

I said we're leaving.

What about your system,
you said if you don't go on.

[Champagne popping,
croupier in background]

Now you lost nothing and
we start all over again.

|s good, you know.

[Ball clatters, chatter]

[Croupier] (Speaking in French)

[Door opens and slams]

Why he go like that?

What is ordained is ordained,

just as it was ordained that
you and I should meet tonight.

How else would I be able to offer you the
care and protection of my humble abode.

And with my money?

[Piano music]

[Applause]

Better and better every time rupy dear.

[Footsteps]

You can serve the cheese now thank you.

It really was wonderful.

- Oh, thank you.
- Cheese, my lord.

Pod?

I'm afraid we've used
the last of the port sir.

Just bring the cheese down here
rathbone, I want some with my celery.

[Crunch]

Oh, you taught me never to
eat celery without salt, mother.

You didn't use any salt.

You're quite right, dear.

I'm afraid my mind was
on your beautiful music.

[Scraping sound]

[Laughing]

Really Rupert, you can
sometimes be very tiresome.

[Rustling, footsteps]

But I must say I was most
impressed by your playing tonight.

You seem to give it a new emotion.

[Creaks]

Perhaps you inspired him.

- Well I hope...
- Anyway, my dear,

you're a welcome addition
to the tryke family

and I hope you'll be
with us for many years.

Thank you.

Come along Henry

if you're going to go to
sleep, do it up in bed.

Port, no bed dear.

Do come along.

[Muttering voices, feet shuffling]

[Door closes]

Really Rupert, sometimes
you can be very tiresome.

[Laughter]

No Rupert, stop it!

[Squealing, laughter]

Goal!

[Fast footsteps]

I'm not so sure your mother wasn't right.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you angry with me?

Of course not.

Close your eyes.

How many?

None.

Come on, let's give this a brush.

Did I do it right nan?

Yes you did it right.

Oh, don't go.

Well, it's getting late.

Would you like me to
play something for you?

Nan, I'd like to play for you.

[Footsteps, creaking]

[Piano music]

[Curtain draws]

[Piano music]

[Orchestral music]

Rupert.

[Piano music]

[Brushing, piano music]

[Door opens]

[Piano music]

[Click]

[Piano chords]

[Wardrobe door opens]

Didn't you like my playing, nan?

Of course I did.

I came up to brush yourjacket.

Oh, well rathbone would have done that.

Not as nicely as this though.

[Fiaughs]

Do you like my room, nan?

Come and look at my fish.

Aren't they beautiful?

That one's a siamese fighter.

You can't have more than one in a tank,

or they kill each other, iook.

He thinks it's another one.

[Fiaughs]

Come and look at this.

[Footsteps]

This is a model of great uncle's farm.

I made it from an old photograph.

Do you like it?

Yes Rupert, it's very well made.

I-I made a ship too.

No more tonight, Rupert.

I've travelled a lot today.

I'm tired.

Tomorrow we'll look at your ship.

Oh all right then, tomorrow.

Sleep well, Rupert.

May the white doves
blanket you with peace.

Chinese blessing.

[Footsteps]

Good night, nan.

[Piano music]

[Door shuts]

[Piano music]

[Water flowing, piano music]

[Orchestral music]

[Knocking]

Ru pert?

Oh, come in nan.

[Rustling, creaks]

I thought you might be asleep.

Oh, no.

No, no, I couldn't sleep.

Please sit down.

[Door shuts]

Oh, why are you crying nan?

Did I make you cry?

Of course not.

I'm crying for both of us.

Oh nan.

[Music]

[Rupert] And I'll take you fishing

and birds nesting.

And rabbit catching.

[Music]

We'll have so much fun nan, you'll see.

[Music]

[Upbeat music]

Fantastisk.

I do not recognise Ricky strange.

Oh, he's none of those, he's not here yet.

- Yes please?
- Two rum and cokes please?

[Music]

I'll kill that bloody buster.

He is your boyfriend?

- One of them.
- Oh.

- You make love with him.
- When the spirit moves him.

[Music]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry darling it was
damned uncouth of me I know.

What happened, wouldn't she leave?

God how fantastic, where did you come
from?

- Germany.
- This is christa our new au pair.

Isn't she perfectly delicious.

This is captain buster Taylor Stewart,

better known as Jack the
ripper of the teenybopper set.

How do you do?

Very well, considering his handicaps.

Oh yes she is definitely
playmate of the year.

[Champagne pops]

Good god, what's that?

Rum and coke.

No, no, no, not on a night like this

it's absolutely too pridian.

Have these on me and get that

lovely little bottom back
here with some champagne.

Now then liebestraum

tell me about your hopes, your
desires and your nights out.

His bark's worse than his bite,
you just tell him to heel.

I say has she met raving Ricky yet?

That's why I brought her.

I'm great admirer Ricky strange.

In Germany he taught pop.

Yeah so the old groaner could
do with a bit of a lift right now.

Is he here yet?

Yes he just got into his dressing room.

Excuse me I'll be right back.

And you leave her alone.

No ear-nibbling, no neck-biting
and no touching her up.

Christ she'll think I'm a poof.

[Music]

Got to go chica, later chat.

Hi you great big, beautiful turn on.

Hiya chica.

Hi chica?

Is that all I rate?

No time for full service
chica, I'm out there in five.

I didn't ask for a full service.

[Feet shuffle, groans]

Oh, that's better you
just saved your present.

What present?

A little something for the
man who has everything.

- It's called a virgin.
- Out front?

A deutschland Dolly, with the hand
of man has never set foot before.

You certainly come up with them chica.

So you just go out and
give it that old mmm.

Brrrrap.

You know, it was really
rather unfair of Carole

to say all those terrible
things about me.

I do not listen.

Well you should because they're all true.

[Fiaughs]

[Gasps]

I think Carole is your date, no?

Oh my dear christa, don't
you read the papers?

We're all part of free love
now it's the common market.

There are no boundaries.

Now you're going to sit
there and impede probing?

Well if she isn't, I am.

What I was merely explaining
to her about the common market.

And you were just reaching
the crux of the subject.

Pour me a drink.

Well.

[Glass clinks]

My god, you've done some plying.

Well one has to return
foreign hospitality.

Please you take, I spin already.

You keep it that way, it's better.

Hey blondie, crack another.

I just spoken to Ricky,
he's crazy to meet you after his spot.

Oh so that's what it's all about, is it?

Well yes buster, I'd love to dance.

When the new bottle
arrives save me a glass.

Gesundheit.

[Music]

I thought you were being a bit
possessive about miss Germany.

Because this one's for Ricky.

I owe it to him, so don't touch.

Owe it to him?

Oh one thing I know is Ricky is bad.

Poor buster, afraid you're
going to miss out tonight?

Well I was doing fine
until you prickled in.

You'll just have to trust
little Carole won't you?

You'll get your chance.

But this is christa's big night.

You're a man, you wouldn't understand.

[Music, laughter]

[Applause]

Great fellas, thanks.

Okay, people, this is it.

As always, we are presenting our
groovers golden guest star of the month

and doing this for tonight

standing right behind that door,
it's not a pin up photograph,

it's not a record sleeve,

it's the man himself, Ricky.

[Screaming]

[Music]

[Screaming]

J” baby when I feel your touch j”

j” I know I cannot get too much j”

j” take me now j”

j” for now I know j”

j” no matter what I want you so j”

[screaming]

J” my baby I'm in love with you j”

j” my baby I'm in love with you j”

j” you got me where you want me j”

j” it's where I want to be j”

j” my baby won't you give
your love to me? J”

j” my baby I'm in love with you j”

j” my baby I'm in love with you j”

j” cheek on cheek close
to me is what I want to do j”

j” my baby, my sweet baby j”

j” my baby I'm in love with you j”

[screaming]

J” baby when I don't you know j”

[Radio clicks on]

A sexy voice.

It's Ricky strange, I like.

[Car passing]

[Car radio playing]

Oh it's bra.

[Car radio]

Why you so huh-huh?

Because I'm trying to
think, and that doesn't help.

But you have thunk seven times already

of seven people who do
not answer their bell.

The aa, the automobile association.

In the glove box there,
open it there's a little book.

Thank you, they may know
an all night key agent.

[Rustling]

Who uses Mary quant ginger crush?

What?

It could not be mr David stone,
commercial photographer.

[Cucmng]

David stone.

Perfect, oh who's
a clever little girl.

But I have not met him.

I only met him yesterday.

Still, he's bound to have some
spare clothes in his studio.

It's good, good, little higher, lower.

Up an inch, too much, too much.

Now, hold it there?

It's lovely.

Oh, Christ Karen, you've moved it.

I told you to hold it.

I've been holding the
bleeding thing for 20 minutes.

I know you have clear

but down here we see boobs,
up here, we don't see boobs.

We want them to look at the body
bubble bath oil Karen, not boobs.

Oh and another thing dear the fingers,

loving, caressing fingers.

It's delicate, precious, it's phallic.

[Door bell rings]

It's the door.

[Door bell rings]

All right, we'll give it another try.

Someone's ringing the bell.

He's out.

Stephen Wainwright.
David, it's rather urgent.

No boobs!
Now come on erotic fingers

stroking those bubbles.

The man said it was urgent.

Of course it's urgent, it's got to be
in the block makers tomorrow.

[Door bell ringing, knocking]

Please David, come on
let me in just for a moment.

[Knocking]

Oh hello, uh I'm Stephen Wainwright, uh

we met yesterday, you were taking
some pictures of my father's building.

Well, I certainly didn't go around
ringing bells and kicking his door down.

No, I know, I'm sorry about that
but this is rather an emergency.

Oh, all right come in and sit down

[door slams]

And let's have no more
distraction, please.

[Footsteps]

Okay Karen dear, once again.

Uh the whole truth of the
matter is uh, David you see.

She hasn't any clothes on.

She hasn't got any clothes on because
she's about to use a body bubble.

No, it is because I fell in the
water and then I was wetted.

And now I am nukid.

Yes so I thought you might
loan her dress or something?

Now, wait a minute.

One dry and one wet.

Before and after body bubble.

I like it.

I like it.

Well we'll have to hide
those, but how's the figure?

- Very well thank you.
- Well stand up dear, please?

That's it now turn, turn, turn it.

- Oh perfect, perfect.
- Now David, hold on, hold on.

Over here, that's it kneel down
and then take up the same position.

That's it, now, take hold of it.

Take hold of it.
That's it, that's it.

Yes, good, good.

David, hold on a minute.

Before and after body bubble.

What is it?

Boob-less bath oil.

I like it! I like it!

Over here dear.

[Footsteps]

[Screams]

You sadistic bastard!

[Smack, groan, crash]

- Oh, why he do that now?
- I don't know why did.

I all wet again.

- Never mind.
- Oh, you men.

He's not a man come on.

[Footsteps]

[Door slams]

What an extraordinary couple.

[Music, screaming, singing]

[Cheers]

[Music, singing]

[Music, screaming, singing]

[Screaming]

- Isn't he knockout?
- Oh, yeah.

He is knockout.

[Cheering]

I am glad to see.

To see is one thing, to meet is another.

Come on!

[Cheering]

Oh!

[Screaming]

Fab Rick, just wild.

Oh thanks chica.

Well, here she is, christa, Ricky,

[quiet music]

It is good to meet you.

Wunderbar.

[Quiet music]

Yeah. Wunderbar.

[Quiet music]

[Cunmng]

With this necklace I thee reserve.

Oh, you are most kind.

Your pad Ricky?

Yeah that's cool, chica.

Cool.

[Seductive music]

Nein, Ricky.

Nein, what?

Is not good.

They've been kidding
you chica it's great.

[Music]

Come on.

We can't stand up all night.

[Footsteps]

[Door shuts]

[Music, pages rustle]

What's your problem, chica?

I am frightened, Ricky.

Of what?

You're crazy.

Achtung, fraulein christa.

Eine.

[Music]

Eine.

[Music]

Gut, sehr gut. (German)

(Speaking in German)

[Music]

So sie sprechen deutsch.

[Clicks fingers]

Zwei.

[Music]

Nein nein, that is verboten.

A German bird without her boots?

Never.

Without her skirt?

[Clothes drop]

Without anything.

[Music]

Now that is wunderbar plus.

[Music]

You know,

you don't look like a German bird somehow.

No, how looks a German bird?

Who cares chico?

Who cares?

[Music]

[Groans]

[Music]

Good my clear, you know what a
wonderful time I'm going to give you.

[Mumbung]

I'm sorry old chap, but
you really turn me on.

Oh be my guest.

[Mumbling and music]

Oh come here you shattering creature.

[Christa] (Speaking in German)

[Music and muttering]

[Buster] Stop, do stop.

[Music]

[Door slams]

[Music]

[Door closes]

[Music fades out]

[Footsteps]

[Sobs]

Lucien.

[Sobbing]

Oh please lucien.

I know I wasn't much good.

[Sobbing]

But it's not your fault.

You see alcohol does the old, um...

Whatsit

I'm usually terrific.

Well,

better than that.

It's not just you.

It's me also.

I drink too much, I'm careless.

Oh you're not crying
because of Rick the stick?

Oh, no, no, no.

My angel, we can't lose
any tears over lover-boy.

I thought I like him very much,

not now.

Good well just leave it like that.

You've made the royal couch,
put it in your diary and forget it.

I can never forget tonight.

Why, because he's Ricky strange?

Top pop?

No, because he was my first time.

And I am hating him

and me

and you.

Everything tonight.

Yes well.

I don't blame you, old girl.

Come on

get into this while

uncle buster tells you
the facts of half life.

You see, in this scene,

nothing is serious.

Nothing's, nothing's for real.

It's all just one night stands.

Do you understand?

It's uh, eine nacht, oh what the
hell's the German for stand?

I understand.

Yes, you would because
you're a smart girl.

You're smarter than me because you're
getting out of this whole push right?

It is not my scene.

No, come and get some rest.

[Footsteps]

And don't worry about me.

[Footsteps]

[Bed squeaks]

I'll be faithful old rover
at the foot of your bed.

Danke.

[Bed squeaks]

For god's sake, don't tell anyone.
I spent the night on the sofa.

[Sniffs, groans]

[Gong]

[Music]

[Claps hands]

[Music]

Oh fantastisk.

How long you work for the sheik?

Since we were 15.

Are you his au pairs?

- No his handmaiden.
- Oh.

Each day he tries to make
so many people happy.

And then each night, we
try to make him happy.

It's a good job handmaiden,
better than au pair.

I think I go through your agency.

[Water splashing]

The sheik alone makes his choice.

And usually from his own kingdom.

He has a kingdom?!

2 million people to whom he is a god.

It's not possible?

Each year he tries to
make them a little happier.

He has doubled their standard of living.

Once they existed on only £10 a year.

Now they exist on £20.

He sounds a very fine man,
the sheik and very rich.

He has 14 oil Wells, ten Ruby mines,

eight palaces, also 20
cars and six yachts.

- No colour TV?
- Four in every room.

Four?

Oh fantastisk

I'm lucky to know such a man.

And you're now ready to make him happy.

Oh ja.

Come, my child.

We will drink a toast to the lucky
stars that brought us together.

'Tack, tack.'

May your days be happy
and your nights fulfil.

Skél.

[Gasps]

It's better than aquavit.

- Have you ever had couscous, my child?
- What is couscous?

Is the unmatchable dish of the east.

Oh, it's not possible.

Malcolm already feed me spaghetti.

[Clatter]

Oh, what is that?

Is a bed?

It is the couch of a myriad delight.

Oh, fantastisk, I try?

[Running footsteps]

[Squeals]

Wunderbar.

[Squeals, laughs]

No more jumping, little one.

There are better ways
to expend your energy.

[Jumping]

[Groans]

[Squeals, laughs]

You-you are very beautiful, my little one.

You fill me with great desire.

Me too, I have great desire.

Name it

and I shall try to fulfil it.

Please I desire to see colour TV.

- Now?
- Yes.

I haven't seen in england yet.

But I fear there is no TV after midnight.

Tomorrow you may look.

After midnight?
It's after midnight now?

Yes, but what is time
when one is so young?

Mr Howard.

He very cross and mrs Howard in bed.

I'm in very big trouble.

My little Swedish delight.

Why? Why are you leaving me?

[Hits floor, gasps]

Anita my Swedish meatball.

Oh my good lord.

[Footsteps]

Come back to me.

Come back to me Anita!

Come back to me.

Come back to me Anita!

[Glasses clink]

My little bird where are you going?

Why are you leaving me?

It's big trouble.

You help me, please.

Your word is my command.

You can explain mr Howard

- maybe he listen you please?
- Oh I.

[Running footsteps]

[Door creaks, shuts] [Gong]

[Music]

Oh no.

[Snake charmer music]

[Theme tune music]

What we do now?

Well we go to my office.

Your office?

You see, my dad's secretary keeps a
dress in her locker like I do in mine.

You wear a dress?

Oh ha bloody ha.

[Kiss]

And I also have some drink, a couch

and the rest of the evening
for unfinished business.

So out you get and we can make us...

[Footsteps]

Oh Christ!

The key, I forgot

it was on the bunch I lost.

We can't get in after all.

So what we do?

Well, we'll have to wait till a caretaker
opens up in the morning, you know?

Still give me time to have a
shave and you time to tidy up.

We'll just say you missed the plane.

But it is not true.

We can't tell him we spent the
whole night together.

In calenberg they will never believe.

What?

My first night asleep in car park.

Who says you're going to sleep, huh?

[Kissing]

It's all right now.

There's nothing to tear.

[Car door slams]

[Car door slams]

[Music]

[Footsteps]

Ricky?

[Rustling and groans]

Here is christa with you.

I do not see you again.

No later chico Lola.

[Sighs]

[Footsteps] [Door opens]

[Door shuts] [Footsteps]

Oh what time is it?

Oh you want me to take you home?

Danke, but I do not go home.

If it is all right, I fetch my
clothes and return this later.

Auf wiedersehen.

[Footsteps] [Door opens]

[Footsteps] [Door shuts]

- So that's...
- My ex-au pair.

Oh!

Come here you beautiful creature.

Don't let us start that farce again.

Farce?

[Music]

[Car horn beeps]

[Car horn beeps]

[Music]

[Falling to floor]

Well it's not that we haven't had
the odd unfortunate booking before,

but this is ridiculous.

Oh well I'll just have to try
and find you something else.

[Door opens] [Footsteps]

Good morning, I Anita.

Not trouble with your family?

- Oh, ja I'm out.
- No!

Yeah, but it's good, I out and I in

and they also little out.

Slowly girl, more slowly.

No, no slowly, come quickly.

Come with me.

[Music]

[Laughing]

[Music]

Those girls must be put through my agency.

And I need references.

Fear not clear madam, what
is ordained is ordained.

J” they come from here j”

j” they come from there j”

j” no matter where they come from they're
always welcome everywhere j”

j” au pair j”

j” with swinging hips j”

j” and swinging hair j”

j” they had a dream to every
Beau was keen to share j”

j” au pair j”

j” today j”

j” you were strangers far apart j”

j” but soon j”

j” maybe love will spark j”

j” she will win your heart j”

[beating drum]

J” you like her smile j”

j” but in a while j”

j” you're bound to know that you're going
to go far away and leave your bed j”

j” take care j”

j” if you fall in love j”

j” with a new au pair j”

j” new au pair j”

j” au pair j”

j” au pair j”

j” au pair j”

j” au pair j”

j” au pair j”