Original subtitles

Rolling! Rolling rolling guys! Rolling! Rolling, rolling.

All I’ve ever wanted

is to star in a film with a happy ending.

Frame!

Cut!

My god,

that was breathtaking!

You should be so proud of yourself,

representing your community on screen!

Can you believe how brave he is?

Yeah, okay, let’s reset that art...

Clean-up on aisle five!

Where’s my coffee?

Nevermind. Your double is on the way up.

Alright, we’re going to roll on that next jump in five, rolling in five.

I’m trapped in the wrong body.

I’d like to audition for the role of “Sad Transgender Man”.

I want to match my insides to my outsides.

I’d like to audition for the role of “Transgender Best Friend”.

-I’m a real boy. -I’m a real boy.

I’m a real boy.

I want to be whole.

I want to be whole.

-I’m living my truth. -My body is a prison.

-I’m living my truth. -My body is a prism?

My body is a prison?

I wish I was whole.

-I’m just happier this way. -I wish I was whole.

I just want to be your father, not your mother.

I want to be whole.

I want to be a hole.

I didn’t want to surprise any of you,

I’m just happier this way.

State your name and the role you’d like to audition for.

Hi, my name is...

Alright cupcakes, give me five more!

Four, three, two...

People ask for my name all the time.

Ten more you little pussy!

-At some point I started telling the “It’s X”. -(Don’t stop!)

Which satisfies no one.

Ten, nine! Aw, you freakin’ pussy!

But in a best case scenario ends the conversation.

Woo! Oh yea! Nice shot!

Years ago when Susan said:

“You are like a son to me”...

...my heart sang.

Strike! Way to go Susan!

I am the son you never had.

No one knows how Susan and Arnie fell in love.

Hello my love.

And nobody knows when Susan became the team captain, either.

Let me tell you what I do know:

One:

a bowling ball has three holes.

Two:

So do I.

Three:

Oh honey, it’s not my birthday.

There is rarely such a thing as...

Oh Arnie, I know for good lord’s sake.

...just the two of us.

What’d you bring me this time?

Chocolate chip cookies!

I can’t eat those!

Now, we’re going to need three size elevens.

Two size six and a halfs, and one size eight.

I want to travel.

I mean, I really want to have new experiences.

Hey, can I tell you something?

I think I might be interested in women.

-Bless you! -Thank you.

It’s about being in your body.

That’s what it comes down to sweetie. That’s what health is.

Nobody knows if Gio is really Arnie’s son,

and frankly, nobody cares.

I would tell Gio he’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a brother,

but it just sort of goes without saying.

Let me guess, you kill yourself, credits roll.

Damn. I didn’t mean to be literal.

Do you get it?

I want to be seen.

Or is it that I want to be had?

Break a leg!

On my worst days I feel like a set-piece of myself.

Last week it took us seventeen takes

to get the angle of my body just right,

my half-moon scars

poking out of the sides of my tank top.

X?

X. It’s Susan.

We need to talk.

I’d like you to speak

at my funeral.

I don’t need any water,

don’t Daddy me, young man!

Look, I know you don’t want to have to rely on anyone.

On us.

On me.

Especially me it seems like.

And that bothers me

because I need you.

You know I can’t tell you what to do with your body.

I can’t tell anybody what to do with their body.

You can’t tell anyone what to do with their body?

Well I don’t want to surprise anybody.

Why now though?

Why anything? Don’t overthink it.

Maybe I’m selfish!

Well I’m not afraid.

I want to stop perceiving.

And sweetie, you don’t need me.

You need to figure out what you do need though.

The daughter drinks herself into the hospital one night.

The father enters a coma.

Liver failure.

The other father, heartbroken,

knows not how to keep his family together.

But his heart is inside his son.

And so..

...he finds the strength in his stomach.

Which is his.

You still making your beautiful films?

I haven’t shot anything new in a while.

Are you still writing?

Yes.

The story of a family which is a body in itself.

I made this decision a long time ago.

And none of you...

...could have changed my mind.

This is my year.

But I’m ready.

I’m letting go.

You know what Susan?

I never said this to you before but it’s about damn time.

I look up to you and I always have.

It’s a good thing you made this plan a decade ago, because...

If I could have one ounce of your confidence.

...it’s hard enough already.

-And your happiness. -This team is your legacy.

You gave us such a gift.

And I guess that’s why I just don’t get it.

Yeah, he’s here.

Mom.

Blame the pastor, blame your father

blame the teachers, blame the dollar

blame the bottle, blame your dealer

blame the pastor, blame your father

blame the teachers, blame the dollar

blame the bottle, blame your dealer

ohhhh no it’s never your fault

and ohhhhh no it’s never your fault

I know it’s a funny place to start, but...

Susan’s the first woman whose face I ever slapped.

We used to have knock-down, drag-out brawls.

She and I both kind of like to have a say in how things should go.

I love that woman.

God knows she wasn’t perfect,

but I just wish

that she was here to drink my glass of wine.

Excuse me.

When you started the team everyone was on board for a meet-up or two.

No one knew this would stick.

Angela bought uniforms.

To Angela!

Was it Matilda who decided Susan should be our captain?

To Matilda!

Rest in pleasure!

Susan said to me,

she said “We all need this league”.

Everyone needs a league.

I need it to live.

To the woman

who reminded me I have a body.

According to physicists,

the purple of sunsets is the result of a greater thickness of air

crossed only by short waves at midday.

If nothing is happening in the sky,

an apparition of this kind would disturb us less.

The wonder is is that it occurs in the evening

at the most poignant time of day.

When the sun sets,

when it pursues a more mysterious destiny,

when perhaps it dies.

Hey. Lookin’ for someone?

-Have we met? -I’m just in town for the funeral.

I noticed.

-Where did you travel from? -East Coast.

Oh yeah? I used to live in New York for a little while.

-What do you do out there? -Work with kids. I teach.

-Are you an actor? -Trying.

Can you tell by the way I fell apart up there?

That was good.

I’m terrible with kids.

Are you Susan’s friend?

-Did you know her well? -Yeah.

Yes.

Were you surprised then?

No.

Did you know her well?

No. Not at all.

Are we ready to begin?

I, Susan Faye Peterson, a resident of LA County within the State of California,

make, publish, and declare this to be my last will and testament,

thereby revoking any and all previous wills and codicils made by me.

Beneficiaries...um...

I bestow and bequeath the following property to the Lavender League,

which may be divided and distributed at the discretion of my dear friend...

Angelica. Jessica. Priscilla. Deirdre.

And I bestow and bequeath any and all interest

which may belong to me at the time of my death

to my daughter...

Jane. Danielle. Bethany. Antonia. Sarah.

And there’s an addendum.

On the last page of your packet

you will find my instructions for the dispersal of my ashes

In the desert.

Any more questions?

Susan has a son.

Susan has a son?

-Hey. -Hey.

-You need a ride? -Yeah, to my Mom’s place.

-I’ll tell you how to get there. -I know how to get there.

I’m Alex.

Ooooookay.

It’s like no one’s been living here.

She used to cook all the time when I was a kid.

You could leave that in there.

Mom.

People are...

complicated.

Sometimes you get to know a few versions.

And sometimes

you get stuck with just one.

I’m sure you’re familiar with this concept.

No...

Give me that.

STRIKE ME! STRIKE ME! STRIKE ME!

I once read somewhere that a cardinal,

when presented with a glass window,

will mistake its own image for its rival.

The bird will pummel itself for hours.

Weather’s pretty nice today.

Not too hot.

Are you enjoying your coffee?

Oh, yes.

It’s always so lovely to see you and meet your friends.

This is Alex.

We know.

I’d like you to come with us to the desert tomorrow, Arnie.

If you’re feeling up for it.

You can wear whatever you want.

I’m sorry.

Maybe it’s what Arnie needs right now, you know?

-To try on some new realities. -Realities?

Realities? Really.

I believe in other peoples’ realities even if I don’t believe-believe in them.

Where are you staying?

-My apartment is small. -I have a hotel.

I just want you to know what you’re getting into

Small is fine.

That can’t be comfortable.

Do you want me? In there?

My bed is small.

I used to take my Mom’s car

and drive for hours out there.

I liked watching the landscapes change around me.

Maybe you should bring your camera?

I’ve never been able to watch myself act on screen.

I mean... but you want to be seen.

Do I?

You want to be seen... you want to be seen...

I want you to see me... I want you to see me...

I want to see myself.

Then look in the mirror.

But I’m looking at you.

She loved being alive.

She’s just...

not alive anymore.

Can I make you watch something?

It’s short.

That’s fine.

-Is my Mom in it? -Probably.

Are you in it?

I loved being a girl.

I’m just not a woman.

Mom couldn’t handle the contradiction.

It’s different when you’re family.

Gio, close up.

We are going to desert with Susan and the

son no one knew about.

It’s all the same out here.

No,

it isn’t.

Can you imagine?

My lover never mentioned her son was alive.

I can’t make any sense of her map.

She drew a bunch of like

sci-fi gender markers in the middle of the page.

Alright, Arnie! Telephone lines, telephone poles!

Not everything is trans, boys.

You have been staying with hot leather over there?

Hot leather? X?

Yeah.

I hope you don’t envy him.

He is as lost as all of us.

-I did at first. -And then?

It’s sort of like, I feel pain,

I can see that you feel pain,

and only you could possibly understand my pain.

Because you are both trans?

I’m not sure.

What do you know about palm trees?

Palms aren’t even from Southern California.

Just like you!

Just like you.

And they aren’t trees. They’re more like a grass.

They take up a ton of water,

and depending on how you look at them,

they either look like weird creatures

or they look like paradise itself.

And if it’s a cluster and you cut their heads off,

they will live.

But, if it’s alone and you decapitate that sucker,

oh it’s going to die.

They’re unusual that way.

I like them.

Me too.

You know which ones are from this region?

The furry ones.

Have you showed him that film yet?

Who?

You’re in deep loverboy! Stepped right in it this time.

In deep!

How’s your Mom?

She’s having a hard time.

You’re a good son, Gio.

We found it!

Okay.

This makes sense to me.

There’s nothing here.

Can someone tell me who she became?

I’m looking for my Mom.

Look around, child.

No.

I’m usually not the type of guy to pass up a happy ending.

See, I thought it was what I wanted.

Honestly, I really did.

Perhaps you heard me, or thought you heard me,

or perhaps you stuffed words in my mouth.

Or perhaps I thought the words were mine.

How could they be?

Susan must have left it in the mailbox Thursday night.

What did she write?

Well, she basically said,

Alex I’m sorry.

I made a terrible mistake.

I love you

and I’ve always loved you.

I acted out of fear back then and still now.

I hope you’re happy or

at the very least glad to be here.

I know you will love him as much as I love him.

You are my child.

I love every version of you.

Hold me.

In all of my wet shapes.

Let me play all the parts.

And I’ll remember all of my lines.

Bowling is the game that I love dearly

Way-hey bowling in the alley

Daily Weekly Monthly Yearly

Bowling down in Shinbone Alley

Where is your camera?

And it’s spare me girls I’m a-bowling in the alley

Way-hey bowling in the alley

Spare me girls cause I’m bowling in the alley

Bowling down in Shinbone Alley

Way to go!

Good shot Alex!

Great shot.

Goodbye, Susan.