Original subtitles

After 15 years as a journalist,

I've learned it's important to grab the reader's attention

with a catchy headline.

Here's mine... "Local Woman, 37, Ruins Own Life."

Five years ago, Nell Serrano threw away a promising career

to move to London for a man.

I'm sleeping!

She went all-in on love.

Until it drop-kicked her in the face.

Now she's back, trying to stay hydrated.

But hey, who needs a promising career...

a fairy-tale wedding...

or clean underwear...

when you can wear bathing suit bottoms.

Again.

The good news is the weird roommate I met on Craigslist

is extremely laid back and not passive aggressive at all.

Oh, also, he makes me walk his dog.

Unfortunately, he's a shy pooper.

The dog, not the roommate. That's gross.

And all this made me late for my first day

back at my old job.

But at least I got the last parking spot,

so things are looking up.

Oh.

Oh. Sorry.

Oh, my...

I really gotta clean out this trunk.

More on this ongoing disaster as it unfolds.

- - Captions by VITAC...

You are late. Oh.

But I told everyone that your phone

was still set on UK time

and that you were donating blood.

Okay? So, act kinda woozy.

What if I act hungover?

What if I am hungover?

So, I got you a plant for your first day.

Hey. At my old job?

Yeah, and some pens for your birthday.

Oh, 'cause I'm another year older?

Sports section.

Go long!

No, because I love you, baby.

Aw. No stealing, girls.

You are not the boss of me.

True, but I am the boss of you.

Ooh. Is it weird?

It's weird that either of you are bosses of anybody, really.

Well, technically, she is the boss

Oh! Of the lifestyle section,

Sorry! So that doesn't really count.

Ooh. Ooh.

"I'm Mr. Metro.

I have to edit a six-part series

about the changes in the zoning bylaws."

I'm sorry, don't you have a meeting to go to about...

I want to say sandals.

Look, bitch...

Actually, I am late to a meeting about sandals.

Oh. Ugh.

Coffee later? Yep.

So, what are you gonna put me on?

City beat?

Crime beat?

The dead beat.

Oh, my God, you're putting me on obituaries?

Here's your new office.

Ta-da.

Ew.

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, this is a closet.

That seems generous.

Look, you gotta jump back in somewhere, Nell.

Start here.

Your first obit.

Monty Waxberg.

A musician you may know for his most famous jingle,

the "Yummy Yum Bubble Gum" song.

I hated that song as a kid.

Don't judge a person by their jingle, Nell.

Everyone has a story, and it's your job to find it.

And don't touch that pipe.

It'll strip your skin.

This is on me.

Just give me one sec.

Oh, here, give me that.

Oh! See? This is why I love you.

Still know how to party.

Byow-byow-byow-byow!

No. Your airhorn's broken.

That is because it is a breast pump.

Do you remember when these boobs were for, like, flashing people?

Now they are for feeding people.

What happened to me?

You became a badass working mom,

who made two of my favorite little humans.

Yeah, I should warn you,

Tilly still likes to wear her flower girl dress

to school every day, in case that's a trigger.

Way to punch down, Tilly.

So, when you are ready to talk about Phillip,

I have a bunch of nasty things I have written in my journal

that I am so excited to share with you.

Eh, I don't want to do that.

You know what I want to do for my birthday?

I just want to throw down like we used to

and pretend it's not gonna take me three days to recover.

Okay? Okay!

Oh, God. Oh, no. Hide me.

Oh. Unh-uh. Nope. Hide me. What?

Oh, hide me. What? Why? Where? What? Who?

It's Scotch Tape.

Oh.

Yeah, Nell, you can't call her that anymore, okay?

Lexi is your boss now, and as crazy as it sounds,

we have actually become... I will smack your face.

Work friends. What?

We hate her!

I know. I'm so sorry.

The only reason why she has this job

is because her dad owns the newspaper.

And half of Pasadena.

Yeah, I know. She's a little rich and weird,

and she thinks that Old Navy is a branch of the military,

but when you are a working mom,

it is hard to meet other working moms.

What? No.

What about Tina from Metro?

She used to always talk about her kids.

It was sweet.

They were dolls.

Everyone's really worried about Tina.

Hi. Hi, Tina.

What's this?

You shouldn't have.

Mmm.

Let's hope there's no cherries in this one.

It's caramel.

Mmm.

Did you go to Stanford?

Yeah.

Why are you eating the chocolates

I got for my girlfriend?

Because it's my birthday

and I thought you got them for me.

No.

Gross.

I'm going to San Diego, without chocolates,

to visit my girlfriend.

So, please remember to walk Arthur

and use compostable poop bags

instead of telling the dog just to hold it.

And if you raise the heat above 68,

the Nest will alert me.

Aye-aye, Captain.

Do you have any plans for your birthday?

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna throw a massive rager,

and I'm thinking of getting a couple of kegs

and maybe even a reggae band,

and I'm gonna do it right over there by your Peloton.

No! You can't do it here.

We have an agreement.

Your lease specifically states that any guests

need to be pre-authorized...

You're joking? Obviously, dude.

What, do you have like Asperger's or something?

I do.

You do?

Oh, my God, I am so sorry I said that.

I don't.

You thought I had Asperger's?

I mean, kind of.

I do.

All right, have a good weekend.

Ah, thank you.

Wow. $14 bucks for a cocktail.

You know, back in the day,

we used to make LSD in the bathtub

and give it away for free!

Ah, damn, I miss the '90s.

Mm. Mm.

How come your nose is buried in your phone?

Ah, honestly?

I was wondering if my ex-fiance was gonna bother

to wish me a happy birthday,

but so far, he hasn't, so...

You know the best way to get over someone?

Hmm?

Get under someone else.

Awesome. Thank you for your wisdom.

Hey!

There she is! My birthday girl! Hi!

Yes!

Okay, I know you said no presents,

but we stopped by the gas station

and got you a little something.

Aw, you guys.

Condoms and scratchers?

'Cause you finna get lucky this year! Hey!

And we're gonna have a great time tonight

no matter who else shows up.

So...

Who else is coming?

Hi, squirrel friend.

Sorry I'm late.

Well, I hope it's not too weird that I crashed your birthday.

No. Not at all.

We're co-workers.

Well, not exactly "co".

Kidding.

Although technically, that is accurate.

I mean, I am your boss.

Right.

But I just want you to know that I'm going to strive

to be a different kind of boss than my father was.

I mean, he was just so aloof and out of touch,

and if I learned anything after I broke my back

during the Olympic Dressage trials,

it's that you are only as strong as the horse you're riding.

Mm. Mm.

And you... you are my horse.

Hey, Lexi?

Am I being weird and entitled again?

Yeah, when you referred to us as your horse.

See? This is why I need you.

Oh, my gosh, that reminds me.

One weekend during quarantine

when our families podded together...

Oh.

You guys podded together?

Yeah. We did.

And it was such fun. Oh!

I know a lot of people say they didn't enjoy the pandemic,

but I really thrived.

Anyway, one night, Sam and I got into le sauvignon blanc,

and she got really honest with me

about how I can come off to people,

and I'm just very grateful to have a friend

like you in my life.

I got you.

♪ Ooh-hoo ♪

♪ Nobody knows it ♪

♪ Nobody knows ♪

You're okay with her being here, right?

Totally.

Yeah. Yeah.

I guess just didn't realize you guys were, like,

friends-friends. I know.

But it's fine.

You just owe me a do-over, yeah?

You got it. Yes!

Yes. Okay, so I got us two tickets to The Underground

this Saturday night.

It's '80s Prom Night.

I thought I'd wear my wedding dress,

you'd wear your maid-of-honors dress.

Might as well get some use out of it.

I would love to do it.

It's just that Saturday night,

um, I have some plans...

You have plans with Lexi.

Yeah. I do.

I do.

♪ Don't go breaking my heart ♪

We almost got it.

It was almost there.

Whoo! Whoo!

Let's give it up for Dennis and Scotch Tape!

Scotch Tape? Oh, yeah.

It's just a nickname we gave you, you know.

Just some little inside joke between old friends.

Now, now, slow down.

What? Come on. Nell.

Scotch Tape. Because you're stuck up.

Get it?

We also thought you were Scottish.

You screamed one day, and it sounded like "Braveheart".

I was like, "Scottish".

Come on.

You think it's funny, right?

I'm not the only one!

Yeah, totally.

I'm just gonna get my bag.

All right.

Another round of drinks!

"If you're reading this,

then the fridge has been open too long."

Oh, my God.

How did I end up here?

Well, it's true.

Ah! Ah!

You never really know where life is gonna take you.

Don't you come any closer. I will kill you.

Don't bother.

I'm already dead.

Are you here to kill me?

Please don't do that. Please, please don't do that.

No, I am not here to kill you.

My name is Monty Waxberg.

♪ Yummy yum bubble gum ♪

♪ Juicy, juicy fun ♪

Ta-da. C'est moi.

Nope. Nuh-uh.

No. I do not see dead people.

No, no, no, no.

This has just got to be the chili cheese fries

and the cake and the five cocktails

and maybe the half gummy I ate.

Go easy there, Keith Richards.

You cannot comment because you are not real.

So, I... I'm just gonna...

I'm gonna go to my room, and I'm gonna lock the door,

and I'm gonna put a bunch of heavy boxes in front of it.

You know, not because I think that you're real,

but just because, uh... Um, I need the cardio.

And when I wake up in the morning,

you are gonna be gone!

Goodnight!

Mornin'! Ah!

Stay back.

How did you get past the boxes?

I have no idea.

I've never been dead before.

Also, I haven't had to pee since I died,

which frees up a lot of time.

Company. Come in.

Are you okay?

I just got home, and I heard you scream.

No.

Yeah, I'm okay. Good.

Will you clean the living room, please?

Because it's filled with condoms. Duh. Yeah.

What do you think I got this is for?

Okay, nice.

Fun fact...

You're the only one that can see me.

No! Yep.

No, no! No!

This... What is happening?

This is not happening.

Oh, my God.

I know I've been sad lately,

and maybe even a little depressed, you know?

And I haven't really been taking good care of myself.

Maybe I just need to do more exercise.

Oh, okay. Why don't we go for a bike ride?

No, thank you.

I need some air.

Hey, Siri, text Sam.

"Sorry I got over-served last night.

Can, uh, we grab a cup of coffee later?"

You don't want to eat here.

Two words... Cock. Roaches.

No!

Go. Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Nell! Get out of the car!

This is the guy that killed me!

What? Just kidding.

It was prostate cancer.

Stop following me!

Oh, God. Enough.

What do I have to do to get you to leave?

I don't know.

I have no idea why I'm here.

No rules, no instructions.

It's very poorly run.

Okay, I've seen the movies.

There's gotta be some magic words that I can say

to get you to move on.

Ooh, like, um...

"I absolve you of your messed-up life."

"Go to the light, Carol Anne!"

My messed up life? Yes. Your messed up life.

I don't know if you remember, but I've been writing about you,

and you're a dead, twice-divorced, wannabe musician

who wrote one jingle that made me hate bubble gum.

Uh-huh. And what about you?

I've been around you for about 24 hours,

and I can tell, you're no prize.

You drink too much,

you're jealous of other people's happiness,

and you literally just run away

from any difficulty in your life.

I'm not doing this.

I'm not getting psychoanalyzed by some dead person.

See? You're running away.

I am n... No.

No. Ah.

Great. Thank you.

I just missed Sam's call.

Hey, I got your text.

Last night got a little out of hand.

I mean, I know it was funny how we used to not like Lexi,

but she's been a great friend to me while you've been gone.

She is also the boss, so if I were you,

I would think about apologizing.

Anyway, I guess we'll talk later.

So, what are you gonna do now?

What...?

Well, this is, um, quite the office, Lexi.

Whoa.

Ah.

Yes, that's the horse that bucked me... Todd.

I keep it as a reminder of my failures.

Wow.

So, what can I do for you?

I wanted to drop off some apology donuts.

Last night, I wasn't at my best,

and I wanted to say I'm sorry,

and I promise to be more professional from now on.

Did you steal these from the break room?

No. Why?

Several have bites taken out of them,

and it says "break room" on the box.

Then, yes, I did.

Okay. Uh, sorry.

Bye.

That was a pretty half-assed apology.

I mean, obviously, you have something

you'd like to say to me.

So, be a reporter.

Give me the full story.

I don't think that's a good idea.

I have an idea.

Let's take 30 seconds and tell the other person

exactly what we think of them with no repercussions.

Huh? I'll go first.

I think you are a sloppy drunk.

Oh, wow.

You're just gonna go right in there.

Well, I think your relationship

with your horse is inappropriate.

I think that shirt looks like it was bought from Wet Seal.

I took the bites out of those donuts.

You still work in newspapers.

You work in newspapers.

I knew you didn't want me at your birthday party,

but I invited myself anyway.

I don't think you're good enough to be friends with Sam.

When Dennis asked me to hire you, I said no.

You gave up a promising career to chase after some guy,

and when it doesn't work out,

I'm supposed to pick up the pieces?

I only changed my mind when Sam told me you were in a sad spot

and really needed to catch a break.

I hired you for her.

But I am your boss, and if you don't perform,

you will be the first to go,

and it won't matter who you're friends with.

Okay, good to know.

I really don't think that's a fun game, by the way.

Oh, it's a lot better if you're playing with your family.

Are you here? Yep.

Oh. I keep closing my eyes and hoping when I open them,

I'll be in Madrid.

Oh, no. What's with the face?

For some dumb reason,

I thought that I would just

come back home and pick back up where I left off,

but... everything's changed

and I feel really disconnected from everyone.

So, what do we do then?

Just sit here and feel sorry for you

for the rest of eternity?

Hmm?

Am I in Hell?

If you're with me, probably. Oh, my God.

You know, I can't listen to any more of your whining.

I'm either gonna smother you with that pillow

or we're going out.

Smother me.

This is so dumb.

What are we doing here?

I mean, are we gonna split a bruschetta?

You know, you don't need those things.

I feel like everyone is staring at me,

wondering what's wrong with me

and why I'm all alone in such a beautiful place.

Let me tell you something.

I was prodigy on the piano.

I moved to California in the Summer of Love,

and I was gonna make incredible music.

And I ended up writing...

I know. It's embarrassing.

Because I wanted so much more.

So, I got angry,

and I pushed people away.

And eventually, I climbed out of my own ass

and realized that there were people all around me

living their lives...

not caring about what life should be,

but about what it is.

And when I got that, everything changed.

I mean, look at that woman over there.

She's not self-conscious.

Just enjoying life as it's happening right now.

You don't have to do this. Do what?

Ghost-of-Christmas-Future me into thinking

that if I don't change my ways,

I'm gonna end up alone and all dressed up,

wearing some ugly turquoise necklace.

Or maybe you wear it because your husband

bought it for you in Spain for your anniversary.

Is that your wife?

Yes, it is.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.

I ju... I-I just can't seem to get out of my own way.

I'm a mess.

Yeah, you are. Thanks.

You know why it's okay? Hmm?

'Cause so was I before I met Cricket.

God, I wish I could tell her once more how beautiful she is.

Okay.

Excuse me.

I hope this isn't too weird,

but I just thought someone should tell you

how beautiful you look tonight.

Well, isn't that a kick?

Thank you.

And I really love your necklace.

My husband gave it to me.

It's a little gaudy, but it makes me think of him.

You know, this is... this is really out of character for me,

but would it be the strangest thing

if I asked to join you for a glass of wine?

Only if it's tequila.

I'm Nell.

I'm Cricket.

Come in.

Hey. I got more poop bags for Arthur's business

so you're always ready.

Thank you.

Is there something else?

Technically, it's not called Asperger's anymore.

It's called "Autism Spectrum Disorder."

It means a lot of different things

to a lot of different people, but for me,

it means I need structure and routine.

There's a right way to do things,

and there's a wrong way to do things.

And there's not much in-between.

Like the poop bags. Yeah. Kinda.

But I'm an environmental lawyer,

so that's just being responsible.

The world's on fire right now. Right.

Also...

I know at times I could be...

difficult to live with.

Or so I've been told.

So have I.

So, maybe we're a good match.

Well, have a nice day.

♪ Made a wrong turn ♪

♪ Once or twice ♪

What are the markers of a life well lived?

We try to describe people's lives in one sentence.

"She was a successful journalist."

"He was an old friend and a new boss."

"She was a working mom."

It's too many kisses!

"He was the Yummy Yum Bubble Gum guy."

But the truth is, there isn't one sentence

that can describe a life.

No, I know that we're not where we're supposed to be,

but I-I have a plan.

It's just taking a little bit longer than...

Because life is complicated.

Thanks, Dad.

And people aren't always who we think they are.

The real truth is, we're all a work in progress,

and so are our relationships...

The old ones we're trying to keep...

Byow-byow-byow!

And sometimes,

if we're lucky,

it's the new ones that take us by surprise.

Hey!

Are you ready to rock our faces off?

Sure am. Come on, girl.

I can tell you about the '80s, now. Oh. Please.

"And since, as Monty Waxberg believed,

you never really know where life is going to take you,

so just open up your heart along the way and listen.

Everyone has a story if you just take the time

to find out what it is."

I would tell you this is really good,

but then you'd just want to start a union,

so instead, I'm just gonna upload it to publication.

Okay.

Okay.

Don't let those nice words go to your head, old man.

I'm just trying to keep this job.

Didn't even say goodbye.

What a jerk.

Hey, I just e-mailed you your next assignment...

A woman who ran a successful Dim Sum restaurant in Chinatown.

On it.

Hi. Oh.

I'm gonna be honest because I'm dead.

Your natural deodorant doesn't work.

And why aren't you married?

Time's ticking.