Original subtitles

- Good morning, Mr. Praetor. - Good morning. What a shame !

- Shall we proceed? - Immediately !

By virtue of articles 528 of the penal code...

..and 146 of the code of criminal procedure!

Go.

Even at the "Golden Roof" shall we put the cap?

What does that have to do with anything ? That's a girl of color! She is exoticism, not eroticism!

Wake up, Chancellor! Exoticism is not a crime. Clear ?

If she says so, mister praetor... Excuse me.

It's 20 minutes to midnight!

The second marathon organized in Rome It only started two hours ago...

..and there are already the first retreats.

It's six in the morning... or in the evening.

These guys really are formidable: they have been dancing for 26 hours!

Carl, open your eyes!

- If you fall asleep and make me lose the race, I'll kill you ! - Come on...

Carla! Come on ! Bitch, get up! Come on !

Crack !

Franco... Come on, don't take it easy...

- You broke out like a "squinzia". - It's sleep that fooled me.

Meanwhile, I lost the race!

But it's the last time I'm a couple with a cripple like you! Clear ?!

Hurray! Hurray!

Thank you ! Thank you !

She sure knows how to move her legs! With her I would win every race!

Don't talk shit!

That's the end of the world! She has it all: agility, class, imagination!

Idiot !

- Am I wrong, or "they smoke you"? - You said it.

- I thought you were going to win. - Me too.

Charlie, do you know the blonde one?

I think her name is Anna. Why ? Are you interested?

- Yes. I would like to partner with her. - And Nicole agrees?

Who cares about Nicole. If it continues to play jealous, I almost cried her.

She-Sorry. Do you know that you dance very well? - Thank you. You're doing well too.

- Would you like a cigarette ? - Why not ?

- We haven't met before somewhere ? - I do not believe.

Strange. It seemed.

I'd like to pair up with you, if you have nothing against it.

I have to think about it.

It could also be a nice thing, but I have to think about it. Do you come here often?

Yes, most nights. So, have you thought about it?

What a hurry! Give me time, right? You are the impatient type, aren't you?

Now excuse me, but I have to go. HI.

Anna! When you've decided, give me a call.

Okay, I'll give you a shout.

I, instead of a whistle, I would do a "blowjob".

Porky Judas...

Nicole, are you there?

What, are you angry?

Nicole, are you in the bathroom?

"I hate you. I'm no longer willing to tolerate your betrayals."

"I'm going to jump off the bridge where I had the misfortune to meet you."

"Goodbye. Nicole."

Nicole! Nicole!

So what happened?

My girlfriend committed suicide.

Well ! I mean, bad! Very bad ! Especially for her!

- For me ? - Everything is normal for you, she understands herself.

First you deceive them, you make them fall in love, you get them pregnant and then abandon them.

And the poor things veins are cut! Or not ?

No ! She jumped from Ponte Milvio.

- Ponte Milvio is not ours competence. - As ?

- You have the wrong police station. Happens. - Happens.

My girlfriend died and you just know tell me I've got the wrong police station?!

What do you have instead of a heart? The sandpaper?

- So, what's going on? - It's about two "male sexes".

- They sold the Colosseum to a Canadian tourist. -

Actually, we gave it away, doctor. He was so nice!

He was joking! Among "bucaioli"... And then, we didn't understand each other so much with the language.

Out ! No, inside! We report you for fraud and obscene acts in a public place!

Ten years nobody takes them away from you! Take them away!

Have you seen the world we live in? Where are you going, excuse me?

- To the competent police station. -No, you sit here. Come.

Tell me the facts. At this point we are at a dance and we must dance.

- Lo bello, write. - Here, indeed, we went to dance. There was a race.

-Nicole can't dance and she was sitting. Then I noticed... - He noticed...

Nicole was gone, so I rushed home.

It was all messed up, and on the mirror about the bathroom Nicole had written...

..who wanted to jump off the bridge where we first met.

- You never forget the first time. - Marshal! And then ?

- Then I ran to Ponte Milvio. - So ?

On the floor was Nicole's purse.

- Nicole's purse! Nothing else ? - No.

- Do you happen to have a photo of the girl? - Yes, it seems to me so.

You took the wrong photo.

No, that's two years ago when Nicole did his military service.

Nicole, at the registry office, his name is Nicola Proietti.

Jesus... Excuse me, explain yourself better. What did she say her name was?

Franco Astuti, was Carmelo.

- So, if I understand correctly, too you two would be ...-she got it right.

Spare me adjectives like "turpe", "shabby" and "repulsive", please!

Ready, like this! Action !

- "Confess! You have lain with Satan!" - "Yes! And I want to lie there again!"

"Put your devil on in my hell!"

Sexier ! Sexier !

"Put your devil on in my hell..."

Stop! Wonderful ! And now let's do the reverse shot of the devil!

- Call the devil! - The devil is sick, doctor. He sent his brother.

Here I am ! I do the devil !

- You ? - Why ? Am I not good? I even perfumed myself with sulfur!

No ! You want to ruin me!

I can imagine everything except that Satan is a "fagot"! For charity !

Now let's move on with the chastity belt.

- I'm ready, doctor. - Are you ready, Anna? - Yes.

Now you come closer and put the chastity belt on her.

Couldn't we do without it? I already have the tunic!

It's not enough, you also need a belt. It's a censorship issue.

- Of course it's needed! - - Doctor ! - What's up ?

The chastity belt broke. There is also a cucumber.

No fuck! Get it fixed!

Not even a needle has to go through it! What's up ? You're sick ?

He makes my head spin a little. I can go in pharmacy while you adjust your belt ?

- Of course. - Thank you.

- Sister ? - I would like a pack of Confidelle.

- As ? - I said: "Confidelle"! This !

- Are you sure, sister? - Not yet. That's why I take the test.

- Good luck. - Thank you.

"Sorbola..." I repent and I grieve.

I'm ready to recite the "Act of Sorrow" and to become a simple soldier.

- As ? Why, excuse me? - For our sins. Let's repent!

- Of what sins? - Of those we are about to commit.

- Aren't you ashamed? - Yes, I will be ashamed, but later !

- Wait! - Do you want to let me go? - No !

Street ! Street !

Hey ! Move away !

- Pretty ! "Mom's beauty"! - "Good"!

It's your fucking business if the mother superior sees you!

- I saw Our Lady! I saw Madonna ! - It seems premature to me.

- Suicides, nothing? - No, today only three "B.R.", two muggings and three bank robberies.

- But Roma won. - What time does the next edition come out?

- At five. - Thank you.

Did you understand ? Anna would be "Ninì Pompon".

- I'll take this. How much it is ? - 1500. - Thank you.

How disgusting. What an ignoble commodification! Here is the sign of the times!

Here is the consequence of today's permissiveness...

..of the lack of moral values, civilians and family!

- It's a real shame! Chancellor! - Command, sir praetor.

- She also does not feel a deep sense of disgust? - Yes, sir.

Look at those so vulgar buttocks, so obscene, so crass, so...

- Hot. -As you say, excuse me? - Infamous, Mr. Praetor.

It is a show which cannot be tolerated.

Do I stop the projection?

I would, but my sense of duty prevents me.

At the cost of staying here all day...

..I want to see all this crap that poison the new generations.

Where are we, Chancellor?

We have seen: "Lady Mattress", "Janitor at Night", "Deep Throat No. 3".

We are still missing: "The porno-nun", "Intimate perversions of a midwife"...

..and "Down with the briefs, here comes Supercacchio".

- Here you are. Let's proceed. - Yes, sir. After you !

This is a movie butt and sword!

Uncle Gustav?

Who are you ? What are you doing here ?

I am the nephew of the praetor Sparvieri. Where is my uncle ?

- At Cinema. - But if it's noon!

It's been there since this morning and it will stay there until tonight. War is war.

War is war!

They want to ruin morality of our country, but I screw them!

- Marshal! - Yes, sir !

Immediate seizure phonogram for the whole national territory!

It will be done, sir praetor!

Here we only think at a fair price...

..No one cares of the relaxation of customs.

There are only a few left to act as a bulwark to the spread of pornography.

For this it is necessary hold on, hold on!

Harder than that, sir praetor...

- Where you go ? - I have to see the praetor!

- What happen ? - Excuse me, uncle, but I have to talk to you.

Yes...

- What are you doing? - My duty...

You can know what good wind brings you?

Unfortunately, it's not a good wind.

I need some money to contribute at the expense of a funeral.

A funeral ? Who died ?

A friend. Poor thing ... she jumped in the river for reasons of jealousy.

Gentleman... Was this friend of yours married?

- For more than two years. - I'm sorry about the husband.

Who do you tell. Dear uncle, today we are alive and tomorrow we are with water up to here.

-She It could be yours too. - Don't be a bird of ill omen!

Forget it. Listen, how much do you need?

100,000.

- Look, I'll give them to you, but on one condition. - Meaning what ?

He's coming to me this afternoon the Honorable Grisaglia. Maybe you know him.

He is the president of the Association for Christian morality.

- I wish you were there too. - Sorry why ?

The Honorable has a daughter.

She would be a great match for a nice guy like you.

And I'm not hiding from you that I would gladly see you engaged.

I ?

Agree ?

Soon you will see that Grisaglia and her daughter are here.

I don't know if that's the case, I have to go back in Rome! Besides, I don't even know her!

You will get to know her and you will like her.

Today there are no more girls so, without shackles for the head...

- There he is ! Dear Honorable! - Dear praetor! - Is fine ?

A bit tired. I'm back now from Rome, where I had a very tiring day.

I imagine. He succeeded to talk to the general ?

Yes, and he really appreciates it our work, the general.

I'll tell her that he mentioned it very high, but very high.

We will certainly have his support. - I'm happy.

Allow me, sir, May I introduce you to my nephew Franco?

- Honorable. - "Enchanté."

She seemed to understand that he had come with his daughter. I err ?

- He's in the hall. You know, she's a little shy. - I'll call you now. - Small !

Anna Maria Immaculate, come! I have to introduce you to some friends.

Good morning, Excell...

Miss Anna Maria Immaculate, Good morning !

They are back to bloom the roses!

Franco, don't stand there standing there! Say hello !

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Excuse me, I'm signing two papers and I'm right with you.

- You are welcome, Your Excellency, don't worry about us. - Thank you.

Uncle ! You can sign tomorrow, we can't make the Honorable wait with her daughter.

Please, please don't worry about the our presence. Duty first.

Thank you. Have you heard ?

- Wait, I'll help you! We'll do it sooner, right? - Thanks, Frank.

- Signature. - He's a golden boy.

Here you are...

- But, Frank! - Sorry, uncle. - They are important documents!

- It's a boy... - Please excuse him, sir.

It will be the gentle female presence.

Finally ! I couldn't take it anymore.

Luckily I only have to do it every once in a while the daughter's part "house and church".

- Why did you make all that mess? - For you. - For me ?

I had slipped it into the briefcase of my uncle to play a joke on him:...

.. "Erotic obsessions of the inquisitor".

It hit me when i saw you.

I understood that in addition to being Ninì Pompon you are the daughter of the honorable Grisaglia.

Well, everyone has their family sins.

Anyway, thanks for saving the image of Anna Maria Immaculate!

And thanks for offering me too this step to return to Rome.

Another hour in Spoleto and I would have died of boredom.

You don't have to thank me, but my uncle, it was he who insisted.

Think he would even get engaged.

You are cute, and like Anna Maria Immaculate I would have nothing to say.

But now the time has come to go back to being Nini Pompon.

What are you doing ? Do you see? Have you ever seen a pair of legs?

Careful !

Hi, I'm going to work. Thank you for picking me up.

- Not at all. We will see each other ? - Perhaps. You me you have a bit of the effect of sad singers.

- Meaning what ? - You sing to the women but think of the guitarists.

HI !

Hey ! Call the police! Quick, call the police!

- Do you need a hand? - Yes ! - Pull us a rope!

- What happened ? - They fished out a body.

- And who is it ? - It will be the usual hooker.

Easy, pull it up.

He's young.

I understand. Well. Very well, Commissioner.

Yes, certainly. Thank you for informing me.

Finally we hold in hand that "bitch"!

The suicide at Ponte Milvio?

They just fished out the body in the Tiber with a knife in the back.

We have to study well the action plan.

It's the right time: I frame a "faggot" and I get a promotion!

Cherie, here we have all our stuff, but if we keep a little silence...

..maybe we can work and to do our beautiful audition!

Daniel! My cuddle, come on, you start!

Watch Gustavo "what a fanatic" ! Who does he think he is ? A goddess ?

"Charme! Elegance, charme!"

"Souriez, souriez..." Smile! No, my cuddle, this is not the case!

You look like a longshoreman to me with flat feet!

It takes grace! And then, bearing!

"Charming! Elegance!" Look !

The class cannot be improvised! Too bad Nicole didn't come.

- Didn't you know? - You won't tell me that you broke up?

- This time forever. - I can not believe it !

- You'll see that everything will be fine, Nicole loves you. -She wanted me.

Stop being tragic! Only in death is there no remedy.

Precisely ! Nicole is dead so there is no more remedy.

- Dead ?! But when ? - The other night. She threw herself from Ponte Milvio.

But it's not possible! We've been together to do the massages this morning !

- As ? - I swear ! And it also seemed to me in excellent shape.

What a daughter of a bitch! Then she took the piss out of me!

Maybe he'd take me...

- Guess who I am ! - Frank! - Well done, Nicole! You won a kiss.

Surprised ?

- What are you doing here? - I found the door opened and I entered.

I had come to get my dress back serious that I forgot in the car.

About clothes: where did you get this?

It was here. I liked it and I wanted to try it.

- No ! Please take it off now. - As you like.

That's okay, or do i have to take off anything else?

Don't just stand there! Put something on or you'll catch cold!

But I'm so hot... Are not you hot ?

Yes... that is, no! I'm very cold!

- Do not look at me like this. - Why ? How should I look at you?

I don't know... You scare me!

- Are you afraid of me or of women? - Of women ? No...

You're shy, I understood immediately.

- What do you want to do ? - Rape me, come on!

- I ? It is not possible. - What's stopping you?

Your uncle would not object, since we need boyfriends.

What are you doing ?!

- Nicole ! - Who is that ?!

A girl...

I understood that, asshole! Are not you ashamed ?

Why should one be ashamed?

I can explain everything to you... It's a misunderstanding!

- Meaning what ? - I thought... you were dead.

Yes ? And instead of crying in pain did you have fun with that "puppet"?

Are not you ashamed ?!

- Excuse me, but I think so to be too many. - Whore!

- What did you say ?! - Fuck you! - Ugly...

Frank! - Compliments, you are a perfect couple!

Hello, cuties!

Well?! What's to laugh about?

I'm maybe uglier than that bitch ? Do you find me ridiculous?

- Very ! - Yes ? Tie!

No ! Thug! Thug!

coward! Traitor ! And I wanted throw me from Ponte Milvio for you!

- No! - Now I'll kill you!

- Put that dick down, it can be dangerous. - It can be dangerous for you!

Leave me ! You hurt my wrist! You hurt me ! Tie!

Ouch!

Nicole! Did I hurt you ? I missed it!

Nicole, answer! Open your eyes ! Answers !

My God... He no longer breathes! Hate !

"Damn her"! Oh... oh...

She defaced me! She defaced me!

That brute! I'll make them pay! I'll make them pay for this!

Excuse me !

- It's urgent ! - Calm down! What happens ?

What to do when one falls and fails opens his eyes after getting punched ?

- Call 113 and a lawyer. -

Where are you going?

Here it is ! Come, come in.

- What is this smell? - Wood essence.

Perfume of a woman, all right! Six in trouble, we discovered the body !

Already ? And how did you do it?

Intuition, deduction, Reaction times ! Right, Lobello?

- Dear guys... "Dead yours"! Yours, Lobello! - Why ?

Because "quick reflexes" mean snap your butt! "Follow him" !

Excuse me, monsignor, you saw a boy with wood essence ?

Unfortunately no. If you should meet him yourself, call us!

- Anna! Telephone ! Have you heard ? Telephone ! -Who is he?

A pain in the ass. She said it is matter of life and death. I don't know !

Excuse me.

Who is ? It's you. What ?!

Yes, dead! But it was a disgrace, you I swear ! I still can't believe it.

Then the police arrived and I ran away.

I can't tell you that I don't care nothing: the other day you saved me.

Try not to get caught and stay safe wide. She comes by tomorrow evening. Okay ?

Do you want to know something ? You really are an asshole!

- I'm not drunk! - I didn't say "drunk"!

- Good morning, Your Excellency. - Good morning. - There is a girl waiting for you.

A girl ? Isn't it Professor Taddei?

I do not believe. The teacher is one redfish, this one is a stunner.

-How did she say? - I said which is a charm, sir praetor.

- Miss Anna Maria Immaculate! - Good morning, Doctor Sparvieri.

What a nice surprise ! I believed in Rome.

Indeed. I come now, I came to Spoleto for her.

- For me ? - Why ? She is sorry ?

No ! But what does she say, Miss Anna Maria Immaculate!

In fact, I'm flattered, I'm... Have a seat, please!

But what a nice surprise! What a moment, what a moment!

Tell me, miss: How can I help you?

- Well, I... It's about a friend of mine. - A friend of hers?

-Yes He is in trouble. - Poor fellow. You are sorry.

Big Trouble: they accused him of murder.

Mimi! She's involved too in this story?

- No, I assure you that I... - That's better. - Excellency! - What's up ?

I did it ! I found a copy of that infamous publication!

Well done, marshal! Then I think about it to fix this Ninì Pompon!

The magazine belongs to Punzi Salvatore, cousin on my mother's side.

He would like to have her back, having cost 1500 lire...

...and being a rare piece on the market.

Impossible ! It's being investigated judicial and subject to seizure!

Besides, your cousin should stop with this kind of reading!

It will be good for him and for you!

- At your orders, Excellency! - Go Go. - Excuse me.

What was he telling me of this friend of his?

He would like some advice.

If you will, miss, this time I would like to give you some advice:…

..certain friends it is better to lose them than to find them.

A wrong relationship, remember, can destroy a youth.

But he has no relationship with me. We... we're like two brothers.

My friend just wants to know what you risk in case of murder.

You have to believe me, I assure you this boy is wrongly accused...

..for a series of unfortunate circumstances.

- Yes ? - So, what's the risk?

It depends, because the murder it's a crime... complex.

First, we need to distinguish the various reasons according to the penal code.

For profit, for revenge...

..for futile occasions, for political reasons...

..for vile reasons... with a... sexual background...

The background is definitely sexual.

- Yes, but... and the motive? - Legitimate defense!

- Is the victim a female? - Well, yes, yes!

-What did she do?! - Nothing !

How, nothing ?! She ruined me a precious body! A body of the crime.

How will I identify the infamous Nini Pompon?

- I am desperate... - I'm sorry, but I didn't do it on purpose.

- You have to believe me, you know? calm down, please. - Gold... this is gold...

- Relax. - Gold...

Disturbance, perhaps?

Excuse me.

But what does he say, general? This she is the daughter of the honorable ... Grisaille.

But... we've already met!

I don't think so, I haven't done it yet military service.

- But she has a nun sister? - Ninth. - Ninth.

Anyway, miss, remind your friend what the writer Marotta said:...

.."If they accused me of raping the Madonna of the Milan Cathedral..."

"..first I would flee abroad and then I would excuse myself".

In Italy with justice it is better not to have to do !

- Especially when you're innocent. Right, general? - Yes ! Yes !

- But luckily she's a girl smart. - Very capable...

So there is nothing to fear.

Ladies and gentlemen, Here's the big show!

let's start with "La Grande Soirée Rosée".

Stupendous ! Then we have "Le Printemps du Paradis".

It really is a stunner.

And now, the third model: "Champagne de la Ville". Extraordinary.

Attention gentlemen, here is "Chiffon a la grand putain".

Here is "The yellow canary", or "Yellow bird".

Here, look!

- I have to talk to you! - After. - After it's too late!

Ladies and gentlemen, one big surprise: "Charleston follies".

And now a model that will leave you all baffled.

Here is the wonderful "Naive countrywoman".

And now, "The Blue Orange Sparrow".

But look at that stuff!

If our information is exactly, we catch him here, in the chicken coop.

If there is, the capon doesn't run away!

Here you are "Madame de Monna Checca".

"Merci" of applause, he deserves it really, she's a delightful little girl.

What are you looking at, you pig!

And now, the highlight of the evening, the non plus ultra of chic.

An exclusive model entitled: "Virgin at the wedding".

Ladies and gentlemen, It's a thing...

"Regardez" the great waterfall of tulle on the nivea skirt...

..that hides secrets of a fabulous body.

A single splash of color, the bouquet of flowers.

Beautiful, is not it ? Clap your hands, ladies and gentlemen.

I play my head: it's not here!

- Come on, love, go! - Don't make yourself beg, stupid!

- Who reminds you of that dress of white? Ursula Andress!

Precisely. If you weren't sure that's a man, I'd swear it's her.

To conclude...

..after the "Vierge magnifique" we have the latest model: "L'etoile d'argent" !

Street ! Let me pass!

Which popped into your mind to take Fabiana's place?!

I will explain you after. I'm in trouble, Unfortunately. Nicole died.

- Still ? When ? - This morning. This time it's true, I killed her.

Failure has gone to your head. Nicole was here less than an hour ago.

Look ! She even gave me this.

But I gave him this! She screwed me over again!

- Hi, Charlie. - Hi blondy. What are you doing, a cartoon about the little orphan of Pompeii?

I'm just coming from the village. I couldn't just more. Can you give me something to drink?

Right away.

By the way, when you want back the keys... I don't need them anymore.

Keep them, you never know.

But look! And I believed it. She had killed him

"Sip" !

Look out, you're talking with Commissioner Pecorella!

You must tell me if you know Franco Astuti.

According to the concierge, he frequents this nightclub.

Well, I... I really...

I'm not sure, I don't think so.

- It's dangerous to lie to the police! - There's a murder involved!

He's a tall, blond boy, with clear eyes?

- Do you know him ? - Certain. - Where do we catch him?

Here. He should be here in a moment at the other, we have an appointment.

Be careful, he always goes armed and it is very dangerous.

Armed ?

I'd give a hundred if that gave me a whistle.

Me two ... she gave me a "blowjob" ...

- Are you coming to Piazza Navona? - Forget me!

The blonde is gone, it means that the capon has arrived!

In exactly one minute let's go on the attack.

It's not like you saw that crazy unleashed Nicole?

-She's gone away, but she's supposed to come back. -She didn't tell you when?

No. By the way: up there are two cops looking for you.

Holy shit... You wouldn't have a place quiet where to spend the night?

I'm from the house of a "squinzia". You can go there if you want.

- The address ? - Via Di Panico, 31. - Thank you!

And he ! Stop him!

Marshal Lobello, what happens ?!

Lobello! What are you waiting for?! Turn on !

I can't, I can't see shit.

Commissioner! Soon, he hid here, in the cloakroom!

Inside there !

- You open ! It's better for you ! - I'll take care of it, doctor! - Think about it !

But what do you want? One can never do a job in peace! Curse !

What are you doing ? The voyeur?

- I ? No. - I thought sure shows don't interest you.

- How did you get here? - Charlie gave me the keys.

- Charlie? - Truly, I didn't know you lived there.

No ? - No. But, darling, We see that... we earn,

Where do you come from ? From your boyfriend's funeral?

Nope! It was all a misunderstanding Nicole is not dead, she just…

-She has only a black bandage! - And how do you know? - Forget it.

Say something, right? Say I'm stupid, dumb, but don't make that face.

- After all, it's your fault! - This is nice !

If you hadn't undressed yesterday, Nicole wouldn't be so angry.

And I wouldn't be in trouble with two cops chasing me! Who knows why then.

I like to undress I don't find anything wrong with it.

And then what did I know that you were a "faggot" ?!

Look Who's Talking ! Nini Pompon! Excuse me, is she normal?

View ? At best I'm... ambidextrous.

- This still remains to be proved. - I'm ready to prove it to you.

- Yes ? Really ? - Wait.

But what complaint! Those make me a "pippa"!

Well done, well done, go!

Charlie! You saw that son of a whore Franco?

-Yes.-Where is he? - At a friend's house.

- From a friend? - Via Di Panico, 31.

Hey, what a hurry!

Come on, wait for me there.

I do in a moment.

Ready, commissioner? It's me, the blonde from the disco.

Franco Astuti is at my house, in via Di Panico 31, extension 16.

Well, but be careful, he has a gun.

Accelerate! That's a sex maniac he would be able to kill the blonde.

-She She's too "good", she's sorry. - Then hurry up! - I'm hurrying up!

frank ?

Frank! Fran...

Anna! Anna, don't leave me alone... I just don't know how to stay, right?

Anna!

A girl disguised as a transvestite! I've never thought about that, you know?

Anna, you know that if you put Nicole's clothes and wig...

..it happens like last time.

- This time the dead man it really escapes us! - Nicole!

But it won't be me! Goodbye love !

Frank! Poor Frank! Excuse me, Love ! It was madness, I didn't want to!

Frank, no! I did not want to ! Tell me something ! Tell me you're alive!

- I think so. - Forgive me, dear ! How are you ?

Maybe I'm dead and I'm already in heaven...

No, you're not in heaven, you are leaving for Rebibbia!

Get up ! The farce has gone on long enough! So, you wanted to kill this too,

- Actually, she shot me. He. - Yes ?

- Yes, it was me. - But then Who does this gun belong to?

- That gun belongs to me. - As ? To her ?

- Yes, but she's a dog slayer. - A dog slayer? Marshal Lobello!

- At your orders, doctor! - Three pairs of handcuffs!

Silence ! Here I ask the questions!

Before starting, I want to clarify here you risk life imprisonment! Clear ?

So... you, miss, is it by chance Nicola Proietti, aged 23?

- Yes, it's me, in person ! - Don't get upset, because it makes me nervous!

- I don't understand why he has it so much with us. - You do not understand ? - No.

Did you hear, marshal? Does not understand because we have so much with them.

- Actually, I don't understand either. - Shut up !

Commissioner, I think I can explain everything to her.

On purpose, what did she say her name was?

My name is Anna Maria Immaculate Grisaglia.

- And you were a bersagliere too. - The bersagliere? But what does it mean ?

- Don't play "gnorri" with me, lad ! I know everything ! - Boy, me ?

I understand: You think I'm like Nicole, don't you?

- Marshal! - Doctor, I'm here the extremes for outrage to indecency!

Not yet, Marshal. Miss could continue.

That's enough, however!

She really she wants to send us everyone in jail?

Just everyone, no. The two of them, yes!

Do you know that you would make a big mistake? Besides, I'd have to sulk.

- The pout? To me ? - Yes, treat so bad my friends for a misunderstanding...

- A misunderstanding ?! - Certain !

She accused me of Nicole's murder, instead Nicole is here alive and well.

It was just out of jealousy who feigned suicide...

.. she then she disappeared making it look like I killed her.

- Really ? Well, if things they're like this ...-she lets us go?

Yes, yes... One moment! One last formality.

Let's see if you recognize this girl. She ?

- No, I don't think so. - No. And you?

She reminds me of someone but I can't say exactly who.

She does not know. Let's hear what she says our "unknown soldier".

- There is little to offend! - Look at that!

She looks like Carla to me, that one who danced at the marathon with Franco.

- What a bad picture. - I think it's ugly!

They took it in the morgue, after having fished it out in the Tiber!

Franco Astuti, I hereby declare you under arrest for the murder of Carla Balestra !

- Is it clear or are there other misunderstandings? - I'm innocent !

And I am the Aga Khan ! Marshal, bring in the super witness!

With pleasure, Commissioner!

Please.

- You want to repeat what you said me first? - I do not know anything.

I just confirmed that after the dance marathon...

..Carla and Franco they had an argument.

That's enough. The rest you will tell the judge.

From Sunday evening, I mean, from the night of the dance competition...

..the girl was never seen again.

The landlady of the boarding house where she lived, she first she reported her missing...

..and then she identified her dead body.

And would she listen to a crazy old woman? You once you even saw the Madonna.

Don't worry ! You too will see the Queen of Heaven!

As the Latins say: "Regina Coeli"!

- Marshal! - Under your orders, doctor. - Put them in lockup.

Where do I put this: with males or females?

- With the feminists ! At the wall ! - Well ! - Street !

"I love you, my darling!"

Stop! Good, this! Well done!

So, you are Cleopatra, the queen of the Nile.

You are Mark Antony.

The battle is just a few days away of Anzio and you are worried.

Almost... a premonition.

Your love for her dwells on your face...

and the worry to fight against Rome.

I recommend, guys, for this scene, the eyes !

They must be expressive, expressive!

- Doctor, what's the shot? - Close up on her butt.

- Very good. - Let's go.

Stop, don't move! She stays still, like this.

- Stop ! dirty guys! Where ? - Where is he, who?

Where is that girl... What is her name? Nini Pompon!

I would like to know too! She was summoned for today at eight and she hasn't shown.

So, because of her, we'll have to suspend the inquisitor cartoon.

He rest assured that he will suspend him for a piece! I tell him!

And what is she doing there, all naked! Shameless Messalina!

She cover herself! Cover yourself up, shameless!

Mimi... Inside! All in 1 Kick them in, these dirty guys!

At your orders, sir praetor. Isn't she coming?

Now I go to a trial, then saw that I'm in Rome, I'm going to visit my nephew.

- If necessary, seek me from him. - Excuse me. - Go ahead.

Shameless! Sodom and Gomorrah!

Inside !

Ugh, what a beard...

Hey ! Let me get a look at you. But you are Carla!

- Unfortunately. Why ? - Weren't you at the morgue?

Are you crazy ? I was in Piazza Navona, I even slept there for three nights.

Then while I was having a beer with these friends...

..two civilian "madames" arrive and they arrest us for vagrancy.

Marshal! Marshal! Marshal!

- What do you want ? - I want to talk with the commissioner, it's important.

She just happened to be like that. I'm alive !

I told him it was all a misunderstanding and that she saw the Madonna.

- I've had enough of everyone! Out ! - Go, quickly! - You leave me !

So who is the one caught in the Tiber?

Please, don't bother too!

Yes, it's me, Commissioner.

What do you say, Mr Commissioner? At that time I just have to resign.

- All right. - Are you feeling bad, doctor?

- Very bad ! - Calm down!

- An aspirin. - Right away. - Do you know what the boss told me? - What ?

The carabinieri caught the killer of the "worldliness" of Ponte Milvio.

- Very good ! And who was it? - A pinned retired public safety officer!

Just like in fairy tales: "All's well that ends well".

How happy I am !

- Strange, there is no one. - They'll be done working.

And how ? Without me they could not.

They will have replaced you. There are many "sluts".

Especially with the skirt instead of pants!

- I'll give you a "honeydew"”, you know? - Nicole! Enough, come on. - Excuse me.

But are you so interested in this job?

I was doing it out of nonconformity and why it has always amused me to give scandal.

Then you don't have it with the different ones.

Why should I have it? After all, I am too, right?

Accountant ! Where are the others ?

- Everyone "in the shop"! - As ? - "At the shop" !

The carabinieri have arrived with a magistrate.

It happened worse than the Friuli earthquake!

Excuse me, how was this magistrate? Can he describe it to me?

He was a big, dark one, with a mustache and crazy eyes.

Do you want to see that it's my uncle?

That stuck for me with Nini Pompon!

Forget about it ! That one is in Spoleto!

And then, of "truffles" like him there are dozens of them!

In Rome, in Viterbo, even in Peretola.

One had the Orfei Circus closed because an elephant peed on the track !

Maybe, but I'm not calm.

You tell me... I'm shitting myself underneath.

- So, do you understand how you have to do it? - I think so. Do you want to see ?

Good, but a little bit...

Turn the music down, there's a message on the answering machine.

Dear Franco, I'm here in Rome. I'll come by around eight.

Wait for me. Uncle Gustav.

I told him he was my uncle!

He said: "At eight"! That he was always punctual in his life!

- We are lost! - Let's leave before he gets there.

No, so we risk to meet him on the landing.

We are dancing and we have to dance.

- We barely have time to clean up the House. - Yes soon !

- Here you are... - I'll put it here.

Get rid of these too. Anna, the light!

Shit, how heavy it is!

Here you are ! As usual, break the balls! Ugh!

Shut up for a moment! Rather, Nicole, we are in your hands.

- Don't forget, no missteps. - Imagine, she won't even notice.

Could you do me a favour ? Are you going to the bathroom?

In the bathroom ? But darling, why? What are you worried about?

Do you think I can't stay in my place? It's not the first time we've received people.

And even though I was born in Quarticciolo, I received a very good education!

But at least the other times you shaved!

The beard ! Frank! The beard !

- Franchino, I'll be very quick! - It's not the case ! Curse...

- Finally ! - Sorry, uncle.

Good, I see you followed my advice.

Miss Anna Maria Immaculate! What a pleasure to see you again!

Dad, Mr, how are you?

Fine thanks. He is always in Treviso, his constituency.

- The job... - Yes.

- Was he watching TV? - Yes, an interview with a nun.

- Don't make compliments. - Thank you. - Watch TV too.

- You know, I think I have too the vocation. - Gentleman...

- Do you really want to be a nun? - Yes. - This ruins everything.

On the other hand, when the Lord calls, there is only one thing to do: run!

- Ouch! - What's up ?

- It must have been my cousin. -She has a cousin!-And no?

Franco, where did you put new blades?

How is this cousin?

It's not that… she's very beautiful. She's a bit of a masculine type.

Typical Teutonic beauty!

The woman doesn't have to be beautiful, she must be a good girl...

.. like the young lady, the whole family!

Nini Pompon, the sexy queen of the sexy photo novel!

Hello lads.

Nini Pompon? I have to see your face this dirty bitch, because...

Miss, get out of there.

- Some girls I don't understand. - Imagine me!

Miss Immaculate, excuse me...please...

Excuse me, let me... Show me, miss.

Ouch! Oh mama !

- What happens ? - The lights went out.

I'm afraid of the dark ! Let's get out of here!

Not to worry, miss! Franco, check the valves!

Yes... yes, uncle.

Excuse me, but I have to see in the face of that shameless ...

..because I have to send her to jail!

Franco, won't you introduce me?

Yes... Nicole, Anna's cousin. My uncle, the praetor Sparvieri.

- Pleasure. - Very honoured, miss.

Franco always talks a lot about you. Her.

- Yes ? - Yes. Why today in Rome?

Duty, miss. Yes, but one thing extremely unpleasant and disgusting.

I had to attend to a lawsuit against two homosexuals...

..who lived more uxorio!

- Wasted Youth ! - Charred!

Those are people that need to be eliminated. You are right the Persian, Khomeini.

Those are people to be shot! You have to put them on the wall!

- Nicole! - The swoon? She passed out! Let's undress her!

- Ninth ! - What can we do ? - I don't know... - An elderberry?

- How sensitive... - I was suddenly hungry!

- Right now ? - Why not shall we go to the bar to get a sandwich?

- But her cousin is sick ... - I'm passing out from hunger.

Does she faint too? Look though that for me it is necessary to undress her.

Here, Franco, you take care of it.

- Has the killer left? -Yes, for now, but he'll be back.

- Let me remove the coffin! - Yes, take it off, it brings bad luck.

- What is all this concern? - Please, I'm starving!

An idea came to me: why don't we go to dinner all together? You are my guests.

- Just the idea of ​​dinner makes me come the nausea. - Wasn't he hungry?

Yes, well... I think that... Do as you like, anyway...

Perfect ! Allows ?

Saint Anthony, if you get me out of this mess, I swear I put on my pants!

How am I? - You can go.

Go open.

- What an idea ! What an idea ! Miss Nicole, how are you feeling? - Very good.

That's better ! I have decided to invite you in a great place!

"The hole of San Francesco" ! He knows him ?

It's formidable, believe me. happy ?

- But I... I'm all like this... - But how, so! It's great!

- His brother ? - Yes.

A striking resemblance! Two drops of water. Twins ?

What has ? I see her pale.

Cheer up, that now one nice steak put it back together!

- What a nice place ! - She likes ? - Yes.

- It is a delightful restaurant run by the friars. They are all my friends. - Really ?

I'll make them eat tonight little birds that she will never forget!

For heaven's sake, enough with the little birds.

- What are we doing ? - I don't know, but we must get rid of him in every way!

- We need an idea. - Yes, we would like an idea.

- At that time ? - I can't come tonight, they are the commander's honor escort.

- I am sorry. - I'm sorry too.

Please have a seat !

- Good evening, Your Excellency! - Good evening, Brother Martin. How is it going ?

Thanking Baby Jesus, Fra Martino gives good wine...

..and the ass of porchetta with rosemary.

I haven't booked, but I would like to a nice table for four. All right ?

Of course ! There is just one table in the corner of San Francesco.

- The coolest place ! Please. - He's a poet! Come, Nicole.

- And Anna? - Now she joins us.

Agree.

- Hey ! - I ? -Yes !

- You come. - Where do I put the trumpet?

What can I serve not to let you die?

- I trust you, between Martino. You do. - Very good.

Artichokes alla giudia, Saint Lucia chicken...

...thigh to Mary Magdalene it's the best dinner !

And Lacryma Christi wine not to be sad!

For me mineral water. San Pellegrino, it's regular!

How good! I did not know Anna Maria she had such a pretty cousin!

- Thank you. You flatter me. - For charity.

- Here's Anna. - Finally ! Please.

So Nicole, do you like it here?

- It's collected, right? Mystical... - Already.

- Will you come with me? - Excuse me...

Of course ! Please Please.

- Where are they going ? - To the toilet. - Together ?

In a public place it is not recommended for a girl to go to the toilet alone.

- Here they are all friars. - Precisely ! I mean, I mean, it's a habit.

She goes well.

Well done! Just in time. Thank you brother, we serve ourselves.

- Get in the way, Franco. - Yes.

Let's start with the deviled chicken, otherwise Fra Martino will get pissed.

- Did you like the rhyme? - Yes. - Please, the plate. - Thank you.

You feel what fragrance, what goodness!

Praetor, there is at the door a sharpshooter. He asks about his sister.

Heaven, my brother! - So ?

My cousin is a terrible man, all of a sudden piece. He doesn't want Nicole to go out at night.

He finds it here, he is capable of making a scandal.

- Nicole, go lock yourself in the toilet. - Excuse me. - Please. - How scary !

I do not understand. It's a dinner between... And then there is me.

But you are a man, Excellency! And what a man, so virile!

Thank you. I'm flattered.

I confess that sometimes certain instincts... me too...

But I know how to handle the situation, I can control them.

I do not doubt it. But a woman who is close to her can she do it ?

Can she resist her charms? She does not have did you see with which eyes Nicole looked at her?

Yes ?

My God ! Hate !

Excuse me, a conditioned reflex. Did I hurt her?

No, no, I didn't hear anything...

Come on, let's hurry up. Take off my bra. Here, good.

Come here. You keep this one, like this.

- I'll wear your hat. Take off trousers. - Even the pants?

- Yes. Do you have underwear on? - Certain. - Good boy. Take off your pants.

- Cute, my bersagliere... - There will be no danger?

There's no danger, don't worry.

Let's hurry, hold my skirt. Don't look at me.

Miss Nicole does she have to stay hidden much longer?

Who knows ? Her brother is so strange.

He's not the only one here. And then the Bersaglieri they are so charming. Right, Frank?

Bersaglieri or no Bersaglieri, this story is annoying.

When someone goes out with me he must be calm.

My seriousness, authority of my charge, my severity...

.. my impeccable moral!

- I do not understand what is there to laugh about what I said. - I have hiccups.

Give her some water. Seven sips without stopping and you'll see how it goes.

It's a secure system.

- Excuse me Miss ! - Look how she reduced my blouse!

- I'll clean it right away. -She arrived today from Milan ! - Saint Francis, help me.

What's happening ? How strange. It had never happened to Fra Martino.

Already.

Nicole! Nicole! Where is Nicole ?1

If my sister is here, I make a mess!

My sister is a virgin!

I meant: my sister is a minor!

How dare an old "owl" How do you carry her around at night?

Young man, calm down, You know who I am ?

Gustavo Sparvieri, praetor of Spoleto!

The whole of Italy looks to me like the last bastion of morality ! Clear ?

- Your worries are unfounded! And stand at attention! - Yes.

- Signor magistrate, they want it on the phone from Spoleto. - Thank you.

Excuse me, I'll be right back. And say hello!

- What should I do now? - Get out! You have never seen a bersagliere dressed like this?

- And you two? - The two of us, what? Go, see you later at the disco!

- Go ! - I end up giving a damn.

How did you do that to fall in love with a bersagliere?

You know, I started with toy soldiers of lead. When I was a child.

Speak slowly, otherwise I don't understand "a tube" !

They took advantage of his absence!

They screened the film "Experiences homosexuals of a 16-year-old nymphomaniac".

After they did even the striptease!

- The striptease? - Yes sir! Whole wheat !

Marshal, stop everything, seize everything, arrest everyone!

- If necessary, resort to weapons I'll be there in a minute ! - Yes, sir !

Crazy stuff...

- Incredible ! Crazy stuff ! - What's up ? Bad news ?

- I have to go back to Spoleto immediately. - What a pity ! - I know. But Nicole?

-She passed away. -She was scared to meet her brother.

Weird guy, that guy... with painted nails...

You had to imagine what they would be even got to the military...

Now I'll take you home. Fra Martino, the bill!

- Peter! - Here I am. Everything is fine ? - Let's hope so. Hold. - Thank you !

Uncle, you're in a hurry, we can go even on foot. We are so close here.

Really ? So, good evening.

Anna Maria Immaculate, many greetings to the father, to the honorable.

- I will not miss. Thanks for the dinner. - Thanks to you. And say hello to Nicole.

- HI. - HI.

- Finally ! - We made it !

- Sorry, I forgot. - What are you doing tonight ?

The lighter! Where did I put the lighter?

- Who are you looking for? - My nephew, Franco Astuti.

- That one is never home at night. - Yes ? And where does he spend the night?

- To the Make-up. - What is this Make-up ? Where ?

I do my own business, it's back here anyway.

- Yes ? Thank you very much. - Please. Not at all.

- You want a drink ? - No!

How pissed we are! But what's wrong with you?

- I understand, Franco has put on to do normal. - Fuck you!

Excuse me. But what is this?

- Get out of the way ! - But is he crazy? What is he here? Sodom and Gomorrah?

You are a unique subject! You must enter!

- How dare you? I am the praetor of Spoleto! - Who cares ! Enter !

- Excuse me, do you have a light? - Sure, I have a lighter... Oh God!

- That's crazy. - This is Satan's house!

- Phew! - What's up ? - Your uncle. - What ?

- Holy shit... Nicole must be warned! - Go.

- Franchino, let's dance! - He's here my uncle, you have to leave in a hurry!

-Where is he? - Don't worry, disappear ! - Still ? - Hurry up !

- Frank! - Uncle ! - Frank!

I hope you have a plausible explanation to justify your presence here!

Certain. At the university we are doing one research on the degeneration of morals.

- I'm here to document myself. - Yes ? - Yes. And what are you doing here?

On the car seat there was Nicole's lighter.

I came to give it to you, but yours concierge told me you were here.

Anyway we can go, I've finished my searches.

I, on the other hand, have just started. I want to scrutinize this place well.

I'm closing this place down I'll disinfect it!

If necessary, I burn it! Am I right, miss?

- I completely agree, Doctor Sparvieri. - View ?

- What can I do for these nice "fags" ? - Who is this?

Who do you want it to be? "Golden cock".

"Smoke of London", be good, because... I'll kill him...

"The little bird", that's what you mean, right?

- Santa Margherita Ligure ! - He feels bad ! You come !

San Benedetto del Tronto! Saint John in Persiceto! I have to pee. Mimi!

Thank you. But what is this stuff?

Here the bathrooms are all shared. I'll wait outside.

No, Frank, wait...

Good evening. No, the fact is that I also had to... Sorry.

Sir, where do I find here from...

- Busy ! - I'm so sorry, it's just that I...

That's better. Here... Well, but...

Better a breast today what a hen tomorrow...

"O tempora, o mores" ! What times, what blackberries!

Please make yourselves comfortable. But yes, life is beautiful and you have to enjoy it.

Veils down and bracelets out! All to the pack!

What is this? Scent of a woman!

And now we need a flirtatious touch. The handkerchief in the breast pocket.

And now a flower, to refine!

- Life is beautiful, it's beautiful! - Even the ass, though.

They are like fireflies...

Miss Nicole! Miss Nicole! Miss Nicole, open up!

Open, please, I beg you. Miss Nicole, what's going on with you?

He feels bad ? Open!

I knew it...

She does not answer ... The swoon... I'm coming!

-But where did she go? -She must have come out of the window.

-If you pass through that door, you will find it in the yard. - Yes ? Thank you ! - Please.

"Goddamn her", my whole sock came off.

Miss Nicole! It happened something ? I heard her scream.

Excuse me, but a brute wanted to enter in the toilet to rape me.

- But it was me! - She...

Yes ! Therefore, as you see, there is nothing to fear.

- Allows ? This is for you. - Thank you. And this is for her. Helps me ?

"Damn you"...

- Here you are. You know that I have found her lighter? - Yes ? - Yes !

- What an ass! - Beautiful ! Beautiful, indeed!

I support her, these stairs are dangerous.

Watch out, naughty. They can arrest you for indecent exposure in a public place.

Be silent, "Abyssinia"! Don't mind him, he's a racist.

Can he know what the hell is wrong with you? You don't say a word.

You are right, but the presence of my uncle inhibits me.

I already have a bigoted father, so I refuse to even think about your uncle!

Everyone makes their own relatives, okay?

You know what ? You bored me!

No !

- Here we go again. - Please, give me a hand.

- What do you want me to do ? - Invent something!

- Another bersagliere? - Also.

I want to dance with you all night.

I don't know how to dance and then my brother could come.

- I'll send it to Gaeta! - But... I could disappoint you.

- I want to take this risk! - In short, do you want to understand that I am...

A decent girl, I know! For this amuses me the idea of ​​leading you astray.

- You'll understand... It took you to lead me astray. - Please ? - Nothing. Let's go.

"Let's jump"! Come Nicole! You come !

- Thank you ! - Come, flower among the holes!

- But this is not a tango. - It does not matter !

"Come on with the boogie! One, two, three, four!"

- At that time ? - Ok, but I just do it to save you, and it's the last time !

- You're not suffering from a heart attack, are you? - Yes, I like the jump !

You listen. Do you know who I am? I am Ninì Pompon, the one of erotic comics.

As she said she? "Gothic monasteries" ?

I'm a little hard of hearing, I had ear infections.

I said I'm getting undressed showing boobs!

Yes, my shoes are tight ! It hurts... Excuse me,

- At that time ? -She is gone. - Maybe it's the right time!

Ugh...

Young man ! Young man, does it give me a push?

Look, I have a pain in the foot...

Nicole, what does she do? Does she leave me now?

Just now that she was to create something between us two?

What does he want to be born? I can't have children.

Nicole, we will adopt them.

- Sound the trumpet of vice! Let's throw ourselves into the vortex! - You leave me !

- This is marble! - Hands down !

Oh dear, here they are again!

You know what ? At this point I really don't give a damn.

You are right. In the worst case, let's finish this dance at Regina Coeli.

- I have a fabulous idea. - Also to me. - I bet it's the same.

Why don't we leave as two idiots your uncle and Nicole and...

And we're going to your house to make love ?

- Right away ! - Right away !

- My cousin is leaving, it is not the case are we leaving too? - Why ?

You are a judge, a serious person: what are you doing in this environment?

Little... naive...

It's not the dress that makes the monk.

Who do you tell!