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This is nothing less
than "Zeno's paradox."
2
00:00:48,521 --> 00:00:53,109
You are Achilles
and the tortoise is the orgasm.
3
00:00:53,276 --> 00:00:56,112
- Oh, come on.
- No, no, no. Listen.
4
00:00:56,279 --> 00:00:58,114
Achilles and the tortoise
are going to race,
5
00:00:58,281 --> 00:01:00,366
and Achilles is confident,
6
00:01:00,533 --> 00:01:04,453
so he gives the tortoise
a hundred meters head start.
7
00:01:04,620 --> 00:01:07,582
Now the mathematical problem
is that
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00:01:07,748 --> 00:01:10,209
before Achilles
can pass the tortoise,
9
00:01:10,376 --> 00:01:11,586
he has to reach the point
10
00:01:11,752 --> 00:01:15,339
where the tortoise started
after a hundred meters.
11
00:01:15,506 --> 00:01:18,759
But when Achilles gets there,
the tortoise has already moved on,
12
00:01:18,926 --> 00:01:20,928
and then he has
to reach the next point,
13
00:01:21,095 --> 00:01:22,555
and the tortoise
has moved on again
14
00:01:22,722 --> 00:01:25,475
and so on and so on and so on.
15
00:01:25,641 --> 00:01:28,895
So Achilles can never reach
the tortoise and never pass him.
16
00:01:29,061 --> 00:01:33,232
And in the same way,
because you were giving chase,
17
00:01:33,399 --> 00:01:36,277
you couldn't reach satisfaction.
That's the paradox.
18
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:39,822
I'm sorry, but it seems as if you're
not taking this very seriously.
19
00:01:39,989 --> 00:01:42,909
I'm telling you about the worst
thing that's happened to me,
20
00:01:43,075 --> 00:01:48,247
that I at that point, within seconds,
lost all sexual sensation.
21
00:01:48,414 --> 00:01:50,666
My cunt simply went numb.
22
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:52,919
And immediately
we have to hear about
23
00:01:53,085 --> 00:01:55,546
this ridiculous
mathematical problem.
24
00:01:55,713 --> 00:02:00,218
In fact, I'm in doubt
whether you're even listening.
25
00:02:00,384 --> 00:02:02,762
Why do you doubt that?
26
00:02:05,932 --> 00:02:09,185
This is not a story I've told
in its entirety before,
27
00:02:09,352 --> 00:02:13,815
but whenever I've told other men
about experiences,
28
00:02:13,981 --> 00:02:17,026
episodes in my sex life,
29
00:02:17,193 --> 00:02:20,363
it was easy to see
that they became quite excited.
30
00:02:20,530 --> 00:02:23,074
I got excited.
31
00:02:23,241 --> 00:02:26,494
Yes, about the mathematical crap,
not about the story.
32
00:02:34,377 --> 00:02:38,214
What kind of a person
are you, actually?
33
00:02:43,427 --> 00:02:45,429
I...
34
00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:48,724
You wouldn't know.
35
00:02:54,856 --> 00:02:56,440
No, but I can guess.
36
00:03:00,111 --> 00:03:02,989
Why didn't I get that earlier?
37
00:03:03,156 --> 00:03:08,161
The fact you don't get excited
over my dirty stories
38
00:03:08,327 --> 00:03:10,371
is because you can't relate
to them.
39
00:03:12,790 --> 00:03:15,334
You've never been with a woman.
40
00:03:26,971 --> 00:03:30,600
That's quite accurate.
41
00:03:30,766 --> 00:03:33,102
Not with a man, either.
42
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,946
Are you sorry about that?
43
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:54,040
Well, yeah, out of curiosity...
44
00:03:55,333 --> 00:03:58,669
not out of lust,
as you would think.
45
00:04:04,425 --> 00:04:09,388
I consider myself asexual.
46
00:04:09,555 --> 00:04:14,310
Of course, I experimented with
masturbation when I was a teenager,
47
00:04:14,477 --> 00:04:18,731
but it didn't do much for me.
48
00:04:21,192 --> 00:04:24,904
So, there's nothing sexual
about me.
49
00:04:30,535 --> 00:04:33,329
It's not as uncommon
as you would think.
50
00:04:33,496 --> 00:04:38,209
And of course, I've read a lot
about sexual subjects...
51
00:04:38,376 --> 00:04:43,548
"Canterbury Tales"," Decameron",
"Thousand and One Nights".
52
00:04:43,714 --> 00:04:47,552
You name it and I've read it
with great interest
53
00:04:47,718 --> 00:04:50,096
and enjoyment,
54
00:04:50,263 --> 00:04:52,974
but only literary enjoyment.
55
00:04:54,934 --> 00:04:57,395
But... but I think
maybe it makes me
56
00:04:57,562 --> 00:05:00,231
a better listener
to your story, and...
57
00:05:00,398 --> 00:05:07,155
I have no preconceived notions
or preferences.
58
00:05:07,321 --> 00:05:10,908
I'm actually the best judge
you could give your story to.
59
00:05:11,075 --> 00:05:14,078
And when it comes to deciding whether
you're a bad human being or not,
60
00:05:14,245 --> 00:05:17,456
I'm... I've no problems with that.
61
00:05:17,623 --> 00:05:20,626
Because I don't look at you
through the glasses
62
00:05:20,793 --> 00:05:24,964
colored by sexuality
or sexual experience.
63
00:05:27,091 --> 00:05:29,218
I'm a virgin.
64
00:05:30,887 --> 00:05:33,014
I'm innocent.
65
00:05:53,576 --> 00:05:55,870
She's looking at me.
66
00:05:56,037 --> 00:05:58,915
Yes.
67
00:05:59,081 --> 00:06:02,877
It's an icon.
Is it Russian?
68
00:06:03,044 --> 00:06:04,378
Yes, it's, uh...
69
00:06:04,545 --> 00:06:09,592
It's a skilled copy,
maybe in the manner of Rublev.
70
00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:18,392
Icons are usually connected
to the Eastern Church.
71
00:06:18,559 --> 00:06:19,769
The Eastern Church?
72
00:06:20,978 --> 00:06:23,523
I might become a bit theoretical.
73
00:06:25,066 --> 00:06:29,779
You may. I'd like you to tell me
about your picture.
74
00:06:29,946 --> 00:06:34,909
Although the Christian church
was split up in 1054
75
00:06:35,076 --> 00:06:36,410
because of differences in opinion
76
00:06:36,577 --> 00:06:39,330
between the Eastern Church
and the Western Church,
77
00:06:39,497 --> 00:06:45,711
what we today call the Orthodox Church
and the Roman Catholic Church,
78
00:06:45,878 --> 00:06:49,507
this is a typical Eastern Church icon.
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00:06:49,674 --> 00:06:52,677
It usually depicts the Virgin Mary
80
00:06:52,844 --> 00:06:54,846
and the infant Jesus
and more rarely,
81
00:06:55,012 --> 00:06:56,806
for instance, the crucifixion,
82
00:06:56,973 --> 00:07:00,101
which in the Western Church
was much more prevalent.
83
00:07:00,268 --> 00:07:03,729
If you generalize, you could say
that the Western Church
84
00:07:03,896 --> 00:07:05,481
is the church of suffering,
85
00:07:05,648 --> 00:07:09,318
and the Eastern Church
is the church of happiness.
86
00:07:12,029 --> 00:07:14,782
Why is she looking right at me?
87
00:07:16,325 --> 00:07:17,994
Well, she's telling a story.
88
00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:19,787
Icons were originally a kind of
89
00:07:19,954 --> 00:07:22,915
pictorial Bibles for the illiterate.
90
00:07:23,082 --> 00:07:25,126
There are some who say you...
91
00:07:25,293 --> 00:07:28,838
you read an icon, even write it.
92
00:07:30,882 --> 00:07:35,595
There are different types of icons.
This is a Hodegetria.
93
00:07:35,761 --> 00:07:38,097
The directions are very important.
94
00:07:38,264 --> 00:07:42,518
She's looking at you, but she's
pointing at the baby Jesus.
95
00:07:42,685 --> 00:07:45,688
And he's looking at you
and pointing at her.
96
00:07:46,898 --> 00:07:52,028
Do you see how flat it is?
There's no... no perspective.
97
00:07:53,988 --> 00:07:57,158
It's because it's an image of eternity.
98
00:07:58,201 --> 00:08:00,953
And eternity isn't in 3-D.
99
00:08:01,996 --> 00:08:06,042
But you said the Eastern Church
was the church of joy?
100
00:08:07,084 --> 00:08:09,670
Yeah, the sanctities
of the Eastern Church
101
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:12,298
were all about the joy of faith
102
00:08:12,465 --> 00:08:16,344
while the Western Church wallowed
in... in suffering and death.
103
00:08:16,511 --> 00:08:20,890
If you imagine a... a mental
journey from Rome eastward,
104
00:08:21,057 --> 00:08:24,685
you feel how you move away
from guilt and pain
105
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:26,354
towards joy and light.
106
00:08:26,521 --> 00:08:29,190
But you say
you didn't believe in God.
107
00:08:29,357 --> 00:08:34,612
No, but the concept of religion
is interesting.
108
00:08:34,779 --> 00:08:37,990
Like the concept of sex.
109
00:08:38,157 --> 00:08:39,992
But you won't find me
on my knees
110
00:08:40,159 --> 00:08:42,537
with regards to either.
111
00:08:42,703 --> 00:08:46,749
Let's call this chapter,
112
00:08:46,916 --> 00:08:49,794
"The Eastern Church
and the Western Church."
113
00:08:49,961 --> 00:08:51,587
But it won't be...
114
00:08:51,754 --> 00:08:55,007
it won't be a story about
traveling east from Rome
115
00:08:55,174 --> 00:08:58,427
towards the light,
but rather the opposite.
116
00:08:58,594 --> 00:09:02,014
So, in order
not to make it too sad,
117
00:09:02,181 --> 00:09:05,518
I've pepped up the name of
the chapter with an extra title.
118
00:09:11,858 --> 00:09:13,818
I have to go back a bit.
119
00:09:13,985 --> 00:09:18,614
I was 12 years old and
on a school trip in the hills.
120
00:11:57,815 --> 00:12:00,776
- Are you making fun of me?
- What do you mean?
121
00:12:00,943 --> 00:12:02,778
You have this orgasm,
not only an orgasm
122
00:12:02,945 --> 00:12:06,282
- but a spontaneous orgasm.
- Yes, it was an orgasm,
123
00:12:06,449 --> 00:12:10,453
though the doctor described it
as an epileptic seizure.
124
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:13,915
And during that orgasm,
you had this vision?
125
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:17,877
Of these two women
on each side of you.
126
00:12:18,044 --> 00:12:21,464
The woman on my right side
seemed to be dressed
127
00:12:21,631 --> 00:12:23,800
in purple and scarlet
128
00:12:23,966 --> 00:12:26,969
with a lot of gold and pearls.
129
00:12:28,012 --> 00:12:31,140
She was carrying a golden goblet
in her hand.
130
00:12:31,307 --> 00:12:36,562
She was sitting
on some strange animal.
131
00:12:36,729 --> 00:12:41,442
And then the other woman
was dressed in Roman clothes,
132
00:12:41,609 --> 00:12:43,402
a baby on her arm
133
00:12:43,569 --> 00:12:48,491
and her hair lay in tight waves
beneath a veil.
134
00:12:52,036 --> 00:12:55,414
Was she holding the veil
with two fingers like this?
135
00:12:56,499 --> 00:12:57,750
And the other woman,
136
00:12:57,917 --> 00:13:02,547
was she sitting on an animal
with seven heads and ten horns?
137
00:13:02,713 --> 00:13:07,218
The animal only had one head.
It was kind of a bull.
138
00:13:11,639 --> 00:13:14,142
What's the matter?
139
00:13:15,768 --> 00:13:17,270
You're making this up.
140
00:13:17,436 --> 00:13:20,857
No, I'm not. I'm telling you
about my first orgasm,
141
00:13:21,023 --> 00:13:23,484
which came upon me
without the slightest touch
142
00:13:23,651 --> 00:13:27,280
in some strange ways
up in the mountains.
143
00:13:27,446 --> 00:13:30,074
I never had achieved
an orgasm before,
144
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:31,325
even though I masturbated
145
00:13:31,492 --> 00:13:34,412
as if my life depended on it
during that time.
146
00:13:38,708 --> 00:13:43,838
Your story is like a...
blasphemous retelling
147
00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:48,009
of the Transfiguration
of Jesus on the Mount,
148
00:13:48,176 --> 00:13:53,139
which is one of the Eastern Church's
holiest passages.
149
00:13:53,306 --> 00:13:56,767
It's when the humanity of Christ
is illuminated
150
00:13:56,934 --> 00:13:59,312
by the divine light of eternity.
151
00:13:59,479 --> 00:14:03,316
Jesus, Peter and two disciples
had climbed a mountain.
152
00:14:03,483 --> 00:14:05,776
And suddenly,
the disciples see this light
153
00:14:05,943 --> 00:14:08,321
emanating from Jesus' head.
154
00:14:08,488 --> 00:14:11,240
And Moses and Elijah
appear by his side.
155
00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:15,912
And they hear the voice of God,
calling him his son.
156
00:14:16,078 --> 00:14:21,250
The relationship between...
between the two women and you
157
00:14:21,417 --> 00:14:23,795
would be the same
as the relation
158
00:14:23,961 --> 00:14:28,466
between Moses and Elijah
and Jesus.
159
00:14:28,633 --> 00:14:31,260
And that's where
it becomes blasphemous.
160
00:14:32,887 --> 00:14:34,263
I see.
161
00:14:34,430 --> 00:14:35,848
You don't even...
162
00:14:36,015 --> 00:14:38,893
you don't even know who
these women were, do you?
163
00:14:41,896 --> 00:14:45,608
No, but one of them did look
like the Virgin Mary,
164
00:14:45,775 --> 00:14:47,068
now that you mention it.
165
00:14:47,235 --> 00:14:49,153
Well, it wasn't the Virgin Mary,
I can tell you that.
166
00:14:50,571 --> 00:14:51,823
From your description,
167
00:14:51,989 --> 00:14:54,367
it must've been
Valeria Messalina,
168
00:14:54,534 --> 00:14:56,911
the wife of Emperor Claudius,
169
00:14:57,078 --> 00:15:00,706
the most notorious nymphomaniac
in history.
170
00:15:03,376 --> 00:15:05,837
I thought she looked
like your icon.
171
00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:09,132
We have that image
from a statue in the Louvre.
172
00:15:09,298 --> 00:15:14,554
It's made like a Hodegetria, but it's
not a religious person, far from it.
173
00:15:15,763 --> 00:15:19,475
And the other woman,
the one astride the creature,
174
00:15:19,642 --> 00:15:22,562
that was no one else
but the great Whore of Babylon,
175
00:15:22,728 --> 00:15:26,649
riding on Nimrod
in the form of a bull.
176
00:15:30,736 --> 00:15:33,364
If anyone else
would've told me that story,
177
00:15:33,531 --> 00:15:36,492
I would've seen it
as a blasphemous joke,
178
00:15:36,659 --> 00:15:38,327
spiced up with a Biblical light
179
00:15:38,494 --> 00:15:42,957
emanating from nothing less
than a spontaneous orgasm.
180
00:15:45,126 --> 00:15:47,044
Goodness gracious.
181
00:15:47,211 --> 00:15:49,922
You demand a lot
of your listener.
182
00:15:51,132 --> 00:15:54,594
I promise you I'm as innocent
in regards to the religious
183
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,722
as you are when it comes to sex.
184
00:15:59,599 --> 00:16:02,351
The Transfiguration
on the Venus Mount.
185
00:16:05,104 --> 00:16:09,150
And then later,
you lost your orgasm altogether.
186
00:16:14,572 --> 00:16:16,866
Wagner. "Das Rheingold".
187
00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:21,496
The descent into Nibelheim.
Was it that bad?
188
00:16:21,662 --> 00:16:24,832
Try to imagine that
in one fell swoop,
189
00:16:24,999 --> 00:16:27,210
you lost all desire to read
190
00:16:27,376 --> 00:16:30,713
and all your love and passion
for books and letters.
191
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,758
I don't even know
if I can imagine that.
192
00:16:56,113 --> 00:16:57,657
Can I help you?
193
00:17:59,635 --> 00:18:01,846
But as so often before in my life,
194
00:18:02,013 --> 00:18:06,476
a bit of hope sprang
from a mystical event.
195
00:18:06,642 --> 00:18:07,810
Which was?
196
00:18:07,977 --> 00:18:12,565
Three dead leaves
performing a strange ballet.
197
00:18:12,732 --> 00:18:16,819
That gave you hope?
For what?
198
00:18:16,986 --> 00:18:21,407
- For regaining my sexuality.
- How?
199
00:18:23,826 --> 00:18:26,329
To claim it by force.
200
00:18:54,232 --> 00:18:56,859
In spite of my tireless efforts,
201
00:18:57,026 --> 00:19:00,279
my cunt totally failed to respond.
202
00:19:01,614 --> 00:19:04,033
But the fact
that the initiative had shifted
203
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,078
seemed to encourage Jerome greatly.
204
00:19:07,245 --> 00:19:09,121
And I have to admit
there came a time
205
00:19:09,288 --> 00:19:12,083
when we had fun together.
206
00:19:16,003 --> 00:19:18,214
I'll give you a fiver.
207
00:19:18,506 --> 00:19:20,383
Uh-huh.
208
00:19:20,883 --> 00:19:23,511
If you can put this...
209
00:19:23,678 --> 00:19:26,013
up inside your cunt.
210
00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:29,684
- A fiver?
- Right.
211
00:19:43,406 --> 00:19:45,324
Shit.
212
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:30,953
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
213
00:20:34,332 --> 00:20:38,002
- Didn't you get any spoons?
- No, we didn't.
214
00:21:34,809 --> 00:21:37,311
So what does this tell us?
215
00:21:37,478 --> 00:21:40,565
That love and sex have nothing
to do with each other, or...
216
00:21:40,731 --> 00:21:43,651
or that they decidedly
work against one another?
217
00:21:43,818 --> 00:21:47,071
The most grotesque thing
was that it was during that period,
218
00:21:47,238 --> 00:21:51,450
where every sexual sensation
was denied me, a period,
219
00:21:51,617 --> 00:21:55,413
I must admit, of secure
and restful domestic comfort.
220
00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:58,416
We had moved in together
and so on,
221
00:21:58,583 --> 00:22:00,001
that I became pregnant,
222
00:22:00,168 --> 00:22:03,129
because I was careless
about my birth control pills.
223
00:22:03,296 --> 00:22:06,299
Consciously or unconsciously,
224
00:22:06,466 --> 00:22:09,469
it was important for me
to have a Caesarean.
225
00:22:09,635 --> 00:22:12,597
I mean, I was hoping that my cunt
was going to fucking work again,
226
00:22:13,681 --> 00:22:16,476
and I had a feeling
that a haphazard birth
227
00:22:16,642 --> 00:22:19,479
wouldn't make things better.
228
00:22:19,645 --> 00:22:21,856
I may have been imagining things,
229
00:22:22,023 --> 00:22:25,067
but as I lay there,
the noise from the instruments
230
00:22:25,234 --> 00:22:28,613
rang out in a chord like
the one from the Little Flock.
231
00:22:30,573 --> 00:22:33,701
Yes. And it wasn't fear.
232
00:22:33,868 --> 00:22:37,413
More like a kind of disgust.
233
00:22:51,552 --> 00:22:54,847
I could've sworn
I saw him laughing.
234
00:22:55,014 --> 00:22:57,058
A laughing son.
235
00:22:57,225 --> 00:22:58,810
In "Doctor Faustus",
Thomas Mann describes
236
00:22:58,976 --> 00:23:01,479
the birth of Noah's son Ham,
237
00:23:01,646 --> 00:23:03,439
who was laughing when he was born.
238
00:23:05,525 --> 00:23:07,109
Another satanic omen.
239
00:23:11,030 --> 00:23:15,868
Incidentally, the innocent child
was named Marcel after Mars,
240
00:23:16,035 --> 00:23:17,411
the Roman God of War.
241
00:23:17,578 --> 00:23:19,664
And motherhood?
242
00:23:19,831 --> 00:23:24,043
I assume maternal love didn't
quite live up to its expectations.
243
00:23:24,210 --> 00:23:26,921
No, I didn't have
any expectations.
244
00:23:27,088 --> 00:23:29,715
And maternal love
wasn't a problem.
245
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:34,303
It was just that each time
I looked into the child's eyes,
246
00:23:35,054 --> 00:23:39,559
I had this unsettling feeling
of having been found out.
247
00:23:42,937 --> 00:23:46,232
It's probably
a strange thing to say about a child...
248
00:23:46,399 --> 00:23:49,652
that my love wasn't being returned.
249
00:23:49,819 --> 00:23:52,780
But it was my perception.
250
00:23:54,991 --> 00:23:58,035
If Jerome had hoped for a break
from what was for him
251
00:23:58,202 --> 00:24:01,998
now mostly strenuous work,
he could forget about it.
252
00:24:02,165 --> 00:24:05,877
Achilles was again chasing
the tortoise.
253
00:24:09,255 --> 00:24:12,425
- Fill all my holes.
- I can't, Joe.
254
00:24:17,138 --> 00:24:18,890
I'm sorry.
255
00:24:21,559 --> 00:24:23,436
I'm trying.
256
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,403
- Can we talk a bit?
- Of course.
257
00:24:37,617 --> 00:24:42,413
I love you. I love your wildness
and your desire. I love you, Joe.
258
00:24:44,749 --> 00:24:46,459
At the moment,
I don't seem to satisfy you
259
00:24:46,626 --> 00:24:48,711
in the way that I'd like to.
260
00:24:50,004 --> 00:24:50,880
Don't get upset, Joe.
261
00:24:51,047 --> 00:24:52,548
It doesn't mean we won't continue
with our sex life,
262
00:24:52,715 --> 00:24:55,051
which is very important to me.
263
00:24:56,427 --> 00:24:58,554
Very important to me.
264
00:25:00,348 --> 00:25:03,559
When you buy a tiger, right,
265
00:25:03,726 --> 00:25:05,686
you also have to feed it.
266
00:25:05,853 --> 00:25:10,525
Um, satisfy it, right?
267
00:25:17,323 --> 00:25:19,534
Long story short.
268
00:25:20,159 --> 00:25:21,661
I have a tiger on my hands.
269
00:25:21,828 --> 00:25:24,372
- You mean I'm too much for you.
- No.
270
00:25:24,539 --> 00:25:26,999
You're just the way you should be.
271
00:25:27,166 --> 00:25:28,835
I was just thinking
if you would consider
272
00:25:29,001 --> 00:25:32,046
that I get a little help
with the feeding, that's all.
273
00:25:35,424 --> 00:25:39,053
You're saying I should have sex
with others as well.
274
00:25:45,226 --> 00:25:49,564
That's a rather cruel way
of putting it, Joe, but...
275
00:25:49,730 --> 00:25:52,108
- But exact.
- Exact.
276
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,581
For a long time I'd
been playing around with the idea
277
00:26:06,747 --> 00:26:09,083
that the concept of
the fuck-me-now clothes
278
00:26:09,250 --> 00:26:10,376
could be improved.
279
00:26:11,711 --> 00:26:13,171
You look nice.
280
00:26:13,337 --> 00:26:16,466
And became the piano teacher.
281
00:26:39,238 --> 00:26:42,283
- You okay?
- No.
282
00:26:42,450 --> 00:26:45,286
- What's the matter?
- Well, I'm such an idiot with cars.
283
00:26:45,453 --> 00:26:47,538
I don't really know what to do.
Do you mind helping me?
284
00:26:49,582 --> 00:26:53,252
Of course it won't work. The
spark plug caps have been removed.
285
00:26:53,419 --> 00:26:57,381
Yes, I did that.
Was that wrong?
286
00:26:57,548 --> 00:26:59,592
For the first time
I had the pleasure
287
00:26:59,759 --> 00:27:01,636
of having an eight-cylinder car.
288
00:27:01,803 --> 00:27:03,554
The possible combinations
289
00:27:03,721 --> 00:27:06,599
of eight spark plug caps
on eight spark plugs
290
00:27:06,766 --> 00:27:09,519
are 40,320,
291
00:27:09,685 --> 00:27:12,396
if I remember
my math correctly.
292
00:27:12,563 --> 00:27:16,067
And only one of these
will make the car run,
293
00:27:16,234 --> 00:27:18,444
which gave me
all the time I needed.
294
00:27:18,611 --> 00:27:21,531
Beethoven, huh?
He was certainly very good,
295
00:27:21,697 --> 00:27:23,407
but, you know,
he couldn't write a fugue.
296
00:27:23,574 --> 00:27:28,329
- You think so?
- Well, yeah, I think so.
297
00:27:43,344 --> 00:27:46,806
It would be more precise
to say that Beethoven
298
00:27:46,973 --> 00:27:49,559
renewed the fugue.
299
00:27:50,893 --> 00:27:54,272
That he was such a visionary
that the old Bach purists,
300
00:27:54,438 --> 00:27:57,608
they accused him
of not mastering it.
301
00:28:19,839 --> 00:28:21,841
Good day?
302
00:28:29,807 --> 00:28:32,477
Not one word was ever spoken
303
00:28:32,643 --> 00:28:35,938
between me and Jerome
about my piano lessons.
304
00:28:50,161 --> 00:28:52,079
The first time the
mysterious letters
305
00:28:52,246 --> 00:28:53,289
addressed to me arrived,
306
00:28:53,456 --> 00:28:56,083
I, of course, feared that
they were love letters
307
00:28:56,250 --> 00:28:59,462
from someone I'd completely
forgotten about and hid them,
308
00:28:59,629 --> 00:29:03,466
so as not to hurt Jerome
if he should see them.
309
00:29:10,306 --> 00:29:13,684
But as Jerome was always somehow
present when I would get the mail,
310
00:29:13,851 --> 00:29:17,021
and as the envelopes
were always empty,
311
00:29:17,188 --> 00:29:19,232
I understood that the letters,
in fact,
312
00:29:19,398 --> 00:29:23,402
were sent by Jerome himself
as a way of testing me.
313
00:29:25,446 --> 00:29:27,323
My decision not to
show them to him
314
00:29:27,490 --> 00:29:30,076
was exactly the reaction
he had feared,
315
00:29:30,243 --> 00:29:33,079
and it reaffirmed
his insane jealousy
316
00:29:33,246 --> 00:29:36,707
and his fantasies
of the countless times
317
00:29:36,874 --> 00:29:40,419
I would fall in love for real
while being the piano teacher.
318
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:10,825
And now to reach the heart
319
00:30:10,992 --> 00:30:12,910
of your suffering Western Church,
320
00:30:13,077 --> 00:30:16,289
I have to jump ahead
three years in the story
321
00:30:16,456 --> 00:30:19,584
and talk about my meeting
with what I would call
322
00:30:19,750 --> 00:30:21,002
"The Dangerous Men."
323
00:30:27,383 --> 00:30:30,470
I was alone with Marcel a lot
during this period,
324
00:30:30,636 --> 00:30:33,514
as Jerome was traveling
most of the time,
325
00:30:33,681 --> 00:30:36,434
and when he was finally home,
he spent most of the time
326
00:30:36,601 --> 00:30:39,103
accusing me of neglecting Marcel,
327
00:30:39,270 --> 00:30:40,605
which, in my opinion,
328
00:30:40,771 --> 00:30:44,025
was just a cover for
his anger over my lovers.
329
00:30:44,192 --> 00:30:48,654
Despite my, to put it mildly,
promiscuous initiatives,
330
00:30:48,821 --> 00:30:52,283
any sexual satisfaction,
let alone orgasm,
331
00:30:52,450 --> 00:30:55,745
was further away than ever before.
332
00:31:14,055 --> 00:31:16,641
I had to make a change.
333
00:31:16,808 --> 00:31:18,684
And somehow,
the inspiration had been
334
00:31:18,851 --> 00:31:22,480
right there beneath my window
the whole time.
335
00:31:22,647 --> 00:31:25,983
I'd planned to go where
I would never before
336
00:31:26,150 --> 00:31:28,069
had dreamt of going.
337
00:31:28,236 --> 00:31:33,533
For instance, to be with a man with
whom I shared no spoken language.
338
00:31:33,699 --> 00:31:36,494
I could feel that
it turned me on enormously
339
00:31:36,661 --> 00:31:39,539
to imagine a sexual situation
340
00:31:39,705 --> 00:31:44,252
in which verbal communication
was impossible.
341
00:31:47,505 --> 00:31:48,589
- Hello.
- Hello.
342
00:31:48,756 --> 00:31:50,675
I'm Tobias, the interpreter.
343
00:31:50,842 --> 00:31:53,302
Hello, I'm Joe. Come in.
344
00:31:53,469 --> 00:31:56,139
I understand that you mastered
the African languages.
345
00:31:56,305 --> 00:31:59,100
I do have a basis.
346
00:31:59,267 --> 00:32:01,227
Who and what needs
interpretation?
347
00:32:01,394 --> 00:32:06,607
Um, that man.
The one with the green jacket.
348
00:32:06,774 --> 00:32:09,277
What language is being spoken?
349
00:32:09,443 --> 00:32:11,112
Well, God knows. I...
350
00:32:11,279 --> 00:32:14,323
All I know is that
he doesn't speak English.
351
00:32:32,592 --> 00:32:35,344
It's quite difficult.
352
00:32:35,511 --> 00:32:39,599
But, uh, we did manage
to find a dialect,
353
00:32:39,765 --> 00:32:41,225
of which we both
had some knowledge.
354
00:32:41,392 --> 00:32:42,310
Mm-hm.
355
00:32:44,604 --> 00:32:45,730
You coming?
356
00:32:45,897 --> 00:32:48,524
No, I'll stay here,
and the two of you communicate.
357
00:32:50,610 --> 00:32:53,988
You are to ask him if he wants
to have sex with me.
358
00:32:54,155 --> 00:32:56,616
- Sex?
- Mm-hmm.
359
00:32:58,826 --> 00:33:01,037
Yeah, um...
360
00:33:25,019 --> 00:33:28,397
- Is it a go?
- It's hard to say.
361
00:33:29,273 --> 00:33:34,362
I've written down
the time and place, but, um...
362
00:33:35,279 --> 00:33:37,365
Honestly, I wouldn't like
to take responsibility
363
00:33:37,532 --> 00:33:40,660
for the precise wording
in this case, which I think,
364
00:33:40,827 --> 00:33:44,080
uh, accidentally may belong
365
00:33:44,247 --> 00:33:47,458
to a grey zone in my profession.
366
00:33:49,460 --> 00:33:51,879
It was the address of
a cheap hotel.
367
00:34:00,471 --> 00:34:01,889
Why were there two?
368
00:34:02,056 --> 00:34:03,891
My words exactly.
369
00:34:04,058 --> 00:34:07,979
Apparently, N had brought
his brother along.
370
00:36:44,552 --> 00:36:46,429
Why was he so angry?
371
00:36:46,596 --> 00:36:49,223
Clearly, it was something
personal between them,
372
00:36:49,390 --> 00:36:52,101
but later I heard that
performing a sandwich
373
00:36:52,268 --> 00:36:55,480
requires great sensitivity,
since the men apparently
374
00:36:55,646 --> 00:36:58,149
can feel each other
through the tissue.
375
00:36:58,316 --> 00:37:01,736
I imagine the quarrel had
already started on the stairs
376
00:37:01,903 --> 00:37:04,989
and that one or the other party
had laid claim
377
00:37:05,156 --> 00:37:07,116
to one or the other of my holes
378
00:37:07,283 --> 00:37:10,787
in conflict with his Negro
brother's interests.
379
00:37:10,953 --> 00:37:13,623
You shouldn't use that word.
380
00:37:13,790 --> 00:37:16,626
It's not what you call
politically correct.
381
00:37:16,793 --> 00:37:17,835
Negro.
382
00:37:18,002 --> 00:37:20,797
Well, excuse me,
but in my circles,
383
00:37:20,963 --> 00:37:23,674
it's always been a mark of honor
to call a spade a spade.
384
00:37:24,926 --> 00:37:27,804
Each time a word becomes prohibited,
385
00:37:27,970 --> 00:37:30,515
you remove a stone
from the democratic foundation.
386
00:37:30,681 --> 00:37:35,394
Society demonstrates its impotence
in the face of a concrete problem
387
00:37:35,561 --> 00:37:37,480
by removing words
from the language.
388
00:37:37,647 --> 00:37:41,234
The book burners have nothing
on modern society.
389
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:42,485
I think society would claim
390
00:37:42,652 --> 00:37:46,364
that politically correctness
is a very precise expression
391
00:37:46,531 --> 00:37:49,283
of democratic concern
for minorities.
392
00:37:49,450 --> 00:37:54,455
And I say that society is
as cowardly as the people in it
393
00:37:54,622 --> 00:37:58,501
who, in my opinion, are also
too stupid for democracy.
394
00:38:00,545 --> 00:38:04,215
I understand your point,
but I totally disagree.
395
00:38:04,382 --> 00:38:05,842
I have no doubt
in the human qualities.
396
00:38:07,260 --> 00:38:10,847
The human qualities can be
expressed in one word:
397
00:38:11,013 --> 00:38:12,098
hypocrisy.
398
00:38:13,057 --> 00:38:16,853
We elevate those who say
right but mean wrong,
399
00:38:17,019 --> 00:38:19,856
and mock those who say
wrong but mean right.
400
00:38:21,816 --> 00:38:24,318
Society is based on hate.
401
00:38:24,485 --> 00:38:26,821
It should be based
on forgiveness.
402
00:38:28,156 --> 00:38:30,783
Hatred is rudimentary.
403
00:38:32,660 --> 00:38:36,456
One should be able
to forgive one's executioner.
404
00:38:41,252 --> 00:38:43,337
By the way, I can assure you
405
00:38:43,504 --> 00:38:47,717
that women who claim that Negros
don't turn them on are lying.
406
00:38:47,884 --> 00:38:50,553
So, did they satisfy you?
407
00:38:50,720 --> 00:38:52,430
Those Ne... Negros.
408
00:38:53,973 --> 00:38:58,853
No, but they showed me that
there was a world far from mine
409
00:38:59,020 --> 00:39:01,314
I had to explore.
410
00:39:01,481 --> 00:39:04,525
And there, or perhaps
on the other side
411
00:39:04,692 --> 00:39:06,402
get my life back.
412
00:39:52,698 --> 00:39:54,951
Who are you?
413
00:39:57,036 --> 00:39:58,538
I know what you do.
414
00:39:59,455 --> 00:40:02,792
I'd like to be
one of the women you see.
415
00:40:06,504 --> 00:40:08,756
That's of no interest.
416
00:40:14,637 --> 00:40:16,389
Madame.
417
00:41:09,525 --> 00:41:13,070
Princess,
I specifically said five days,
418
00:41:13,237 --> 00:41:16,491
and five days haven't gone yet.
419
00:41:16,657 --> 00:41:22,497
So, you'll have to leave.
Sorry.
420
00:41:32,632 --> 00:41:34,634
You still here?
421
00:41:36,803 --> 00:41:38,888
I, uh...
422
00:41:39,806 --> 00:41:42,266
I don't think this is for you.
423
00:41:45,394 --> 00:41:49,774
Shall we conduct a small test?
424
00:41:53,152 --> 00:41:54,946
Stand up.
425
00:42:03,204 --> 00:42:04,997
Sit down, please.
426
00:42:12,797 --> 00:42:18,761
I just want you to sit
completely relaxed
427
00:42:18,928 --> 00:42:21,514
while I hit you in the face.
428
00:42:21,681 --> 00:42:23,391
Nothing special.
429
00:42:23,558 --> 00:42:27,895
It's just a...
it's just a slap.
430
00:42:33,359 --> 00:42:35,069
You ready?
431
00:42:36,571 --> 00:42:38,573
I'm ready.
432
00:42:45,746 --> 00:42:47,540
No!
433
00:42:50,585 --> 00:42:52,128
See?
434
00:43:02,889 --> 00:43:05,600
How mysterious.
435
00:43:05,766 --> 00:43:08,644
Will you give me
a reasonable explanation now,
436
00:43:08,811 --> 00:43:11,063
or shall we wait?
437
00:43:12,940 --> 00:43:14,734
I can't give you an explanation
438
00:43:14,901 --> 00:43:17,987
and certainly not a reasonable one.
439
00:43:18,154 --> 00:43:22,533
What exactly were the rumors
about him?
440
00:43:22,700 --> 00:43:27,205
- That he was violent.
- How can that be exciting?
441
00:43:30,833 --> 00:43:33,127
I think the easiest way
to understand it
442
00:43:33,294 --> 00:43:35,922
is to refer to my rebellious nature.
443
00:43:37,507 --> 00:43:42,595
This business of K's was something
I was completely against.
444
00:43:42,762 --> 00:43:44,680
So, the fact
that I was now contacting him
445
00:43:44,847 --> 00:43:47,642
was a last, desperate attempt
446
00:43:47,809 --> 00:43:50,895
to rehabilitate my sexuality.
447
00:43:51,854 --> 00:43:55,233
The system was
the overriding factor with K.
448
00:43:56,108 --> 00:43:58,236
A system of violence?
449
00:43:59,028 --> 00:44:02,031
Well, you were the one
450
00:44:02,198 --> 00:44:05,952
who insisted on
the Western Church, right?
451
00:44:06,119 --> 00:44:08,496
And I... I seem to remember
452
00:44:08,663 --> 00:44:12,792
that the systematic approach
to the crucifixion
453
00:44:12,959 --> 00:44:16,546
is of a violent
and not to say sadistic nature.
454
00:44:16,712 --> 00:44:20,716
Oh yes, the Passion of Christ
is full of systematic violence.
455
00:44:20,883 --> 00:44:23,594
The Via Dolorosa,
the Nine Stations of the Cross,
456
00:44:23,761 --> 00:44:26,430
and the 39 lashes.
457
00:44:50,580 --> 00:44:53,374
You are beginning
to irritate me.
458
00:45:23,696 --> 00:45:26,157
Let me tell you the rules, then.
459
00:45:28,075 --> 00:45:30,536
The first rule
is that I don't fuck you,
460
00:45:31,496 --> 00:45:34,749
and there isn't any discussions
about that.
461
00:45:35,750 --> 00:45:38,002
Then, what do you get out of it?
462
00:45:38,169 --> 00:45:43,007
That's my business, and I don't
mean to mention it again.
463
00:45:43,174 --> 00:45:46,844
The second rule
is that we have no safe word,
464
00:45:48,012 --> 00:45:50,556
meaning that if you,
uh, go inside with me,
465
00:45:50,723 --> 00:45:53,476
there is nothing that you can say
466
00:45:53,643 --> 00:45:58,689
that will make me stop
any plan or procedure.
467
00:45:58,856 --> 00:46:03,861
You must bring a brown,
used leather riding crop.
468
00:46:04,028 --> 00:46:09,117
And not one
from a shop selling sex toys.
469
00:46:09,283 --> 00:46:10,910
It's not a masquerade.
470
00:46:13,162 --> 00:46:15,581
Third rule...
471
00:46:15,748 --> 00:46:21,671
If I choose to let you in,
you have to be sitting out here.
472
00:46:21,838 --> 00:46:26,384
In other words, you...
you won't know when.
473
00:46:26,551 --> 00:46:32,098
Only that it would be some time
between 2:00 and 6:00 at night.
474
00:46:32,265 --> 00:46:34,183
I can't stay here that late.
475
00:46:34,350 --> 00:46:38,146
My babysitter's not reliable,
and I can't leave my child.
476
00:46:40,815 --> 00:46:42,441
You don't even know my name!
477
00:46:42,608 --> 00:46:45,027
I'm not interested in your name.
478
00:46:46,487 --> 00:46:48,948
Here, your name is...
479
00:46:51,534 --> 00:46:53,327
Fido.
480
00:47:07,091 --> 00:47:08,634
Can I help you?
481
00:47:08,801 --> 00:47:11,387
I'd like to buy a riding crop.
482
00:47:11,554 --> 00:47:14,891
- For what?
- For my horse.
483
00:47:15,057 --> 00:47:17,477
Yes, I understand that part.
What kind of horse?
484
00:47:20,021 --> 00:47:22,899
Well, it's not very big.
485
00:47:23,065 --> 00:47:25,526
No, I just meant is the whip
for dressage or for jumping?
486
00:47:25,693 --> 00:47:27,612
Um...
487
00:47:27,820 --> 00:47:29,363
I don't know.
488
00:47:30,490 --> 00:47:32,992
This is a dressage whip.
489
00:47:33,159 --> 00:47:34,994
Well, it's probably
for jumping, then.
490
00:47:35,161 --> 00:47:37,205
Okay. Like this?
491
00:47:41,292 --> 00:47:43,211
- Is it used?
- No.
492
00:47:44,170 --> 00:47:47,131
We do have used whips,
but these are not that expensive.
493
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:50,635
I prefer a used one.
494
00:47:53,012 --> 00:47:54,555
Okay.
495
00:48:01,729 --> 00:48:04,440
Marcel’s awake.
496
00:48:04,607 --> 00:48:06,984
Do you want to say goodbye
to your mom?
497
00:48:07,151 --> 00:48:09,529
Goodbye.
498
00:49:08,629 --> 00:49:10,089
Fido...
499
00:49:32,195 --> 00:49:34,197
I'll take your coat.
500
00:49:54,592 --> 00:49:57,011
I'd like you
to have your hair up.
501
00:49:58,304 --> 00:50:01,015
You can use this.
502
00:50:01,182 --> 00:50:04,977
Just in case it becomes necessary
for me to hit you in the face.
503
00:50:05,144 --> 00:50:07,647
Should I take my clothes off?
504
00:50:09,148 --> 00:50:12,443
I'll tell you
what to do and when.
505
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:15,988
You may sit down.
506
00:50:26,332 --> 00:50:28,167
Give me your hand.
507
00:50:35,550 --> 00:50:37,969
I wanna see what this knot
looks like on your wrist.
508
00:50:54,819 --> 00:50:56,112
Okay.
509
00:51:03,035 --> 00:51:04,954
You may get up.
510
00:51:12,378 --> 00:51:15,131
- Now you may bend down.
- How?
511
00:51:17,383 --> 00:51:19,302
Approach the chair.
512
00:51:21,012 --> 00:51:22,722
Now bend from the hips.
513
00:51:25,933 --> 00:51:28,853
Look forward. Look forward.
With your head up.
514
00:51:29,020 --> 00:51:31,898
Head up.
Keep looking forward.
515
00:51:38,654 --> 00:51:40,698
Keep looking forward.
516
00:51:45,203 --> 00:51:47,079
You may stand up.
517
00:51:48,664 --> 00:51:50,666
We have to use the couch.
518
00:51:53,211 --> 00:51:55,046
Come and sit.
519
00:51:57,507 --> 00:52:01,427
Take it easy. Take it easy.
520
00:52:01,594 --> 00:52:03,304
Bend over.
521
00:52:05,890 --> 00:52:08,100
Lay your arms out straight.
522
00:52:18,611 --> 00:52:20,947
Take it easy. Take it easy.
523
00:53:02,530 --> 00:53:05,408
Bring your hands out straight.
524
00:53:05,616 --> 00:53:07,827
Palms facing each other.
525
00:53:15,877 --> 00:53:17,462
Take it easy.
526
00:53:54,499 --> 00:53:56,709
Next time, don't wear knickers.
527
00:54:22,235 --> 00:54:25,488
Your ass is not high enough.
528
00:54:25,655 --> 00:54:26,823
I don't think
we can do this today.
529
00:54:26,989 --> 00:54:28,574
What?
530
00:54:35,414 --> 00:54:37,500
I'd like to see you again
on Thursday.
531
00:54:44,632 --> 00:54:46,968
What's wrong?
532
00:54:47,135 --> 00:54:49,804
I think we should see
how it goes on Thursday.
533
00:55:02,733 --> 00:55:04,569
Hi, I can't
come to the phone right now.
534
00:55:04,735 --> 00:55:06,904
Please, leave a message.
535
00:55:07,071 --> 00:55:09,907
Yes, this is Marcel’s mother again.
536
00:55:10,074 --> 00:55:14,454
It's now 1:30.
We had an agreement.
537
00:55:14,620 --> 00:55:19,167
I hope you get this message
and come as quickly as you can.
538
00:55:20,751 --> 00:55:23,588
Ah, Marcel is sleeping.
539
00:55:23,754 --> 00:55:27,884
Uh... I have to go now.
540
00:56:23,731 --> 00:56:25,650
Raise yourself up.
541
00:56:28,569 --> 00:56:30,488
Even further.
542
00:56:34,283 --> 00:56:35,827
Better.
543
00:56:55,930 --> 00:56:59,934
Also so much better.
So much better.
544
00:57:06,357 --> 00:57:09,193
I am now going to hit you 12 times,
545
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:11,529
no matter how much you scream
546
00:57:11,696 --> 00:57:13,906
'cause no one can hear you
down here.
547
00:57:21,289 --> 00:57:25,126
That's, uh, that's not how it goes.
548
00:57:26,711 --> 00:57:29,464
Most people don't scream
until I hit them.
549
00:58:31,317 --> 00:58:32,944
That's it.
550
00:58:37,115 --> 00:58:40,701
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
551
00:58:51,963 --> 00:58:54,048
Hello? Are you there?
552
00:58:56,509 --> 00:58:59,971
It's just all so very strange.
553
00:59:00,138 --> 00:59:03,891
Yes. Very, very strange.
554
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:09,897
Because I was wetter the second time.
There's no doubt about it.
555
00:59:10,064 --> 00:59:12,942
I don't know where we get
our sexuality from
556
00:59:13,109 --> 00:59:17,196
or where tendencies
of this kind come from.
557
00:59:18,281 --> 00:59:21,325
Probably a perversion created
in our childhood
558
00:59:21,492 --> 00:59:23,786
that never manifested itself before.
559
00:59:23,953 --> 00:59:28,374
Well, oddly enough,
Freud says the opposite.
560
00:59:28,541 --> 00:59:32,086
He talks about the polymorphic
perversion of a child,
561
00:59:32,253 --> 00:59:37,383
meaning that in a child,
all kinds of perversions exist.
562
00:59:37,550 --> 00:59:40,720
And then we use
the childhood to diminish
563
00:59:40,887 --> 00:59:43,473
or remove some of them.
564
00:59:43,639 --> 00:59:46,934
Basically, a child
is sexually polymorphic,
565
00:59:47,101 --> 00:59:50,730
and everything is sexuality
in an infant.
566
00:59:50,897 --> 00:59:54,025
And yet it was deeply bizarre
567
00:59:54,192 --> 00:59:58,070
to lie there and especially
to want to lie there.
568
01:00:02,325 --> 01:00:05,328
I felt invincible.
569
01:00:05,495 --> 01:00:08,164
But mostly,
I felt like a potted plant.
570
01:00:09,791 --> 01:00:11,375
Potted plant?
571
01:00:11,542 --> 01:00:15,588
Yes, because he was constantly
checking my cunt juice.
572
01:00:15,755 --> 01:00:20,718
The way old ladies check their potted
plant to see if they need watering.
573
01:00:23,596 --> 01:00:27,600
It is an interesting point
that you actually lubricated
574
01:00:27,767 --> 01:00:31,854
in expectation for a pain
that you hadn't experienced.
575
01:00:33,815 --> 01:00:36,734
Your body prepared itself
for an intercourse
576
01:00:36,901 --> 01:00:39,320
that you knew wouldn't happen.
577
01:00:41,239 --> 01:00:44,909
I can only describe
the mood as sexual.
578
01:00:46,911 --> 01:00:49,455
Despite K's immature appearance,
579
01:00:49,622 --> 01:00:53,793
his methods were
surprisingly refined.
580
01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:58,464
As I twisted and turned
while he was whipping me,
581
01:00:58,631 --> 01:01:02,385
I could feel
how clever his knots were.
582
01:01:02,552 --> 01:01:06,222
If I fought them,
they would get tighter,
583
01:01:06,389 --> 01:01:10,309
and as I relaxed,
it seemed they did, too.
584
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:13,062
Hmm.
585
01:01:13,354 --> 01:01:16,983
Like a cat playing with a mouse.
586
01:01:18,443 --> 01:01:20,736
Fooling it to believe
it has a chance of escape
587
01:01:20,903 --> 01:01:24,365
and then attacking it again.
588
01:01:26,367 --> 01:01:31,956
I don't know
what kind of knot K used,
589
01:01:32,123 --> 01:01:37,378
but I know of a knot that tightens
when force is exerted
590
01:01:37,545 --> 01:01:40,298
and vice versa.
It's called a Prusik knot.
591
01:01:40,465 --> 01:01:43,342
It's after a man called Prusik.
592
01:01:43,509 --> 01:01:45,344
He was a mountain climber,
593
01:01:45,511 --> 01:01:47,180
and he and a friend
were out climbing
594
01:01:47,346 --> 01:01:51,684
and they had an accident,
and his friend died.
595
01:01:51,851 --> 01:01:55,104
And he ended up hanging
at the end of a rope
596
01:01:55,271 --> 01:01:58,775
with no possibility
of getting up.
597
01:01:58,941 --> 01:02:01,569
You know, you can't climb
up a mountain climber rope.
598
01:02:01,736 --> 01:02:03,529
It's too thin.
599
01:02:03,696 --> 01:02:07,074
But he was an intelligent man,
and with his back to the wall,
600
01:02:07,241 --> 01:02:09,076
he was a genius.
601
01:02:10,828 --> 01:02:14,040
And he took the shoelaces
out of his boots
602
01:02:14,207 --> 01:02:18,336
and made two loops
and affixed them to the rope.
603
01:02:18,503 --> 01:02:20,838
And he could move these up
604
01:02:21,005 --> 01:02:22,256
when they weren't under tension.
605
01:02:22,423 --> 01:02:24,717
And then he could step into them
606
01:02:24,884 --> 01:02:28,971
and climb the rope
and save himself.
607
01:02:29,138 --> 01:02:31,265
Prusik.
608
01:02:33,893 --> 01:02:37,605
I think this was
one of your weakest digressions.
609
01:02:41,609 --> 01:02:46,197
- May I continue?
- Be my guest.
610
01:02:50,827 --> 01:02:54,914
Tomorrow bring 15 small coins,
all the same.
611
01:02:56,958 --> 01:02:58,918
No more, no less.
612
01:04:59,872 --> 01:05:03,209
I sometimes give a Christmas present.
613
01:05:03,960 --> 01:05:07,630
But uh, you have
to do the work yourself.
614
01:05:07,797 --> 01:05:10,508
I'm going to show you how to do it.
615
01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:27,442
This is called a blood knot.
616
01:05:27,608 --> 01:05:31,988
You have to make nine ropes
with three blood knots on each.
617
01:05:32,155 --> 01:05:33,990
Let me see you do it.
618
01:05:34,157 --> 01:05:38,828
You decide whether
to make four, five, or six turns
619
01:05:38,995 --> 01:05:40,997
on the various knots.
620
01:05:52,216 --> 01:05:53,926
Let me see.
621
01:06:01,225 --> 01:06:03,352
That's fine.
622
01:06:03,519 --> 01:06:06,647
If you... if you start with one knot
623
01:06:06,814 --> 01:06:09,567
at the top of the rope,
624
01:06:09,734 --> 01:06:14,530
and then you have to put two
more knots at a distance of...
625
01:06:14,697 --> 01:06:18,826
Well, between 10 and 20
centimeters to be exact,
626
01:06:18,993 --> 01:06:20,578
but the most important thing
with blood knots
627
01:06:20,745 --> 01:06:23,831
on the nine ropes is
that they are placed differently
628
01:06:23,998 --> 01:06:26,375
and that they are staggered.
629
01:06:32,298 --> 01:06:35,134
The cat-o-nine-tails
is often called
630
01:06:35,301 --> 01:06:38,179
the "Captain's Daughter"
aboard ships.
631
01:06:42,058 --> 01:06:44,310
The blood knot is important
632
01:06:44,477 --> 01:06:47,230
because those are the ones
that break the skin and not,
633
01:06:47,855 --> 01:06:53,611
as erroneously thought,
the end of the rope.
634
01:06:53,778 --> 01:06:59,617
A gallows knot is also a kind of
a blood knot with many turns.
635
01:06:59,784 --> 01:07:04,288
The American military standard
demanded five to 15 turns,
636
01:07:04,455 --> 01:07:07,500
as it was the turns placed behind
the left ear of the delinquent
637
01:07:07,667 --> 01:07:10,878
that would break the neck
of the condemned as he fell.
638
01:07:14,423 --> 01:07:16,217
I'll take it from here.
639
01:10:06,929 --> 01:10:08,598
Joe?
640
01:10:10,475 --> 01:10:12,018
Love?
641
01:10:22,069 --> 01:10:23,488
Marcel?
642
01:10:27,325 --> 01:10:28,785
Marcel.
643
01:11:08,616 --> 01:11:11,661
- Are you fond of me still?
- Yes.
644
01:11:11,828 --> 01:11:14,789
More fond of me than the others?
645
01:11:16,749 --> 01:11:19,627
- Yes?
- Yes.
646
01:11:19,794 --> 01:11:23,506
You're not thinking of leaving
again tonight, are you?
647
01:11:23,673 --> 01:11:24,882
- No.
- No?
648
01:11:25,049 --> 01:11:27,510
- No, no. Not at all.
- You sure?
649
01:11:29,095 --> 01:11:30,221
Yeah.
650
01:11:30,388 --> 01:11:33,141
Are you lying to me, Joe?
651
01:11:33,307 --> 01:11:35,184
- No.
- Be honest.
652
01:11:35,351 --> 01:11:39,856
It's all right.
Just fucking say it.
653
01:11:40,022 --> 01:11:42,358
No, I... I just want to be here.
654
01:11:42,525 --> 01:11:44,360
Why?
655
01:11:48,197 --> 01:11:50,032
I don't know.
656
01:11:56,289 --> 01:11:59,375
If you leave tonight,
657
01:11:59,542 --> 01:12:03,087
you'll never see me or Marcel
ever again in your life.
658
01:12:06,757 --> 01:12:08,801
You understand?
659
01:13:24,710 --> 01:13:26,504
Is this goodbye?
660
01:13:29,757 --> 01:13:32,760
Is that what you're saying?
661
01:13:32,927 --> 01:13:34,220
Marcel, get up.
662
01:13:34,387 --> 01:13:36,514
- Stop it.
- Is that what you want?
663
01:13:38,057 --> 01:13:41,686
Yeah, so you could see him.
Look at him, Joe.
664
01:13:47,191 --> 01:13:50,194
Let's face it,
Joe, you're not a mother.
665
01:13:52,238 --> 01:13:53,823
Let's wake him up.
666
01:13:53,990 --> 01:13:58,327
Marcel, baby boy.
Say bye, Mom.
667
01:13:59,495 --> 01:14:02,123
- Please, put him...
- Is this what you want?
668
01:14:05,918 --> 01:14:07,628
You see?
669
01:14:07,795 --> 01:14:10,840
You see, he wants you.
670
01:14:11,007 --> 01:14:12,842
Come.
671
01:14:13,801 --> 01:14:16,888
It's Christmas.
It's fucking Christmas.
672
01:14:39,786 --> 01:14:41,037
What is this?
673
01:14:43,080 --> 01:14:46,334
Today it's Madame who must wait.
674
01:14:54,592 --> 01:14:56,552
Madame, I'm very sorry,
675
01:14:56,719 --> 01:14:59,680
but I have to have a few words
with Fido first.
676
01:15:10,483 --> 01:15:13,111
Your behavior is really
upsetting me today.
677
01:15:23,871 --> 01:15:26,707
I really ought to send you home.
678
01:15:48,646 --> 01:15:50,690
Happy Christmas, Fido.
679
01:16:53,044 --> 01:16:55,671
- I want your cock.
- What did you say?
680
01:16:57,173 --> 01:16:58,716
I want your cock.
681
01:16:58,883 --> 01:17:02,470
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
682
01:17:05,807 --> 01:17:07,975
What's the matter with you today?
683
01:17:29,705 --> 01:17:35,253
On account of the holidays
and your behavior today,
684
01:17:35,419 --> 01:17:37,713
I'm going to give you
the original Roman maximum
685
01:17:37,880 --> 01:17:40,883
of 40 lashes.
Are you ready, Fido?
686
01:17:43,094 --> 01:17:44,637
I'm ready.
687
01:17:49,976 --> 01:17:51,727
One.
688
01:17:54,021 --> 01:17:55,022
Two.
689
01:17:57,316 --> 01:17:58,359
Three.
690
01:18:00,862 --> 01:18:02,321
Four.
691
01:18:03,614 --> 01:18:04,782
Five.
692
01:18:07,076 --> 01:18:08,494
Six.
693
01:18:21,841 --> 01:18:24,218
I'd seen through K's
knot technique,
694
01:18:24,385 --> 01:18:26,888
so I was able to loosen
my position a bit
695
01:18:27,054 --> 01:18:29,724
to move my pelvis
and thereby stimulate
696
01:18:29,891 --> 01:18:32,602
my clitoris against the cover
of the book.
697
01:18:58,002 --> 01:18:59,462
Forty.
698
01:19:10,181 --> 01:19:15,186
And when you came home,
Jerome and the child were gone?
699
01:19:22,026 --> 01:19:25,071
I haven't seen Marcel since.
700
01:19:28,616 --> 01:19:33,204
This sentimentality...
I hate it.
701
01:19:36,457 --> 01:19:39,877
- Why?
- Because it's a lie.
702
01:19:44,173 --> 01:19:46,008
Are you sure?
703
01:19:53,015 --> 01:19:55,017
Jerome understood
that he couldn't prioritize
704
01:19:55,184 --> 01:19:59,897
his life according to a child either,
705
01:20:00,064 --> 01:20:03,025
so he put him in a foster home.
706
01:20:05,945 --> 01:20:08,781
My only contact to the boy
is the thousand pounds
707
01:20:08,948 --> 01:20:11,868
I put in his account every month.
708
01:20:12,034 --> 01:20:13,494
Anonymously.
709
01:20:16,664 --> 01:20:18,875
As a penance.
710
01:20:28,801 --> 01:20:30,011
Every time I leave,
711
01:20:30,178 --> 01:20:34,140
I have this feeling that
when I return, you'll be gone.
712
01:20:38,060 --> 01:20:39,937
And all I can hear
is the cat flap,
713
01:20:40,104 --> 01:20:43,566
swinging back and forth.
714
01:20:46,319 --> 01:20:49,781
Thank you. I didn't know
you had a cat flap.
715
01:20:50,573 --> 01:20:51,783
I used to have a cat,
716
01:20:51,949 --> 01:20:55,286
so I have a cat flap
in the door to the stairwell.
717
01:20:55,453 --> 01:20:57,246
But how did it get outside?
718
01:21:00,291 --> 01:21:04,587
I never thought of that.
I suppose through the basement.
719
01:21:04,754 --> 01:21:06,464
The thing is...
720
01:21:06,631 --> 01:21:09,467
Every time someone opens
the door to the street,
721
01:21:09,634 --> 01:21:12,720
the cat flap squeaks.
722
01:21:12,887 --> 01:21:14,722
There's a lot of drafts
in the house.
723
01:21:16,265 --> 01:21:19,018
It hasn't squeaked yet.
724
01:21:20,019 --> 01:21:23,356
No, there's not many people
coming and going.
725
01:21:23,523 --> 01:21:25,483
That's a bit creepy.
726
01:21:25,650 --> 01:21:28,861
No, I like it.
727
01:21:29,028 --> 01:21:32,907
It's... it's peaceful.
728
01:21:37,578 --> 01:21:42,917
After all this sadness, may I ask
what happened to the silent duck?
729
01:21:43,960 --> 01:21:47,880
Oh, shit. The silent duck.
730
01:21:48,047 --> 01:21:50,800
I'd forgotten all about it.
731
01:21:51,759 --> 01:21:54,512
One night K had been
in what was for him
732
01:21:54,679 --> 01:21:56,597
an unusually good mood.
733
01:21:56,764 --> 01:21:59,267
I don't know what caused it,
but he didn't hit hard,
734
01:21:59,434 --> 01:22:01,561
and he joked that
he would introduce me
735
01:22:01,727 --> 01:22:04,564
to the concept
of the silent duck.
736
01:22:29,839 --> 01:22:33,801
One hardly dare
imagine the quacking duck.
737
01:22:47,106 --> 01:22:50,026
Well, deep down,
738
01:22:50,193 --> 01:22:53,362
little K seems
to have been a jolly man
739
01:22:53,529 --> 01:22:54,739
with versatile talents.
740
01:22:54,906 --> 01:22:58,659
But he got that bit
about Roman punishment
741
01:22:58,826 --> 01:23:01,245
and the 40 lashes wrong.
742
01:23:01,412 --> 01:23:03,039
Because it's true that
the highest punishment
743
01:23:03,206 --> 01:23:08,211
was 40 lashes, but it had to be
delivered in series of three.
744
01:23:08,377 --> 01:23:10,254
That's why Jesus
only got 39 lashes
745
01:23:10,421 --> 01:23:16,052
because three goes
into 39 but not into 40.
746
01:23:18,930 --> 01:23:22,141
Well, I don't know about K
being jolly.
747
01:23:22,308 --> 01:23:24,769
His position as a sadist
748
01:23:24,936 --> 01:23:28,064
wasn't perhaps as enviable
as it might first appear.
749
01:23:28,231 --> 01:23:33,277
Superficially, the sadist
acts as the decider.
750
01:23:34,112 --> 01:23:37,031
But I once had a conversation
with a prostitute,
751
01:23:37,198 --> 01:23:39,659
who had tried all the variations
in her field.
752
01:23:39,826 --> 01:23:41,452
She wasn't surprised by anything.
753
01:23:41,619 --> 01:23:46,499
And she admitted to have only
masochists.
754
01:23:47,416 --> 01:23:48,543
Masochists, for her,
755
01:23:48,709 --> 01:23:51,671
were the most demanding
and the most ungrateful.
756
01:23:52,630 --> 01:23:55,049
First, she were
to deduce their desire
757
01:23:55,216 --> 01:23:56,926
by reading their thoughts,
758
01:23:57,093 --> 01:24:01,055
then perform without
any alteration from the norm,
759
01:24:01,222 --> 01:24:04,392
and after which,
unlike other clients
760
01:24:04,559 --> 01:24:07,895
and the most honorable sadists,
for example,
761
01:24:08,062 --> 01:24:09,981
you never received any thanks,
762
01:24:10,898 --> 01:24:13,693
let alone gifts or flowers.
763
01:24:18,322 --> 01:24:21,117
I never went
in that direction again,
764
01:24:21,284 --> 01:24:23,744
neither back to K or masochism.
765
01:24:34,046 --> 01:24:36,757
But I took the orgasm with me.
766
01:24:38,176 --> 01:24:42,722
You yet have to show me one
single example of maliciousness.
767
01:24:43,514 --> 01:24:45,933
But that's all I'm doing!
768
01:24:46,100 --> 01:24:48,895
It's as if you want
to misunderstand me.
769
01:24:49,061 --> 01:24:52,690
You keep inventing
complicated and false excuses
770
01:24:52,857 --> 01:24:55,318
for my despicable
and selfish actions.
771
01:24:57,570 --> 01:24:59,363
During the time
when our relationship
772
01:24:59,530 --> 01:25:02,325
was going downhill,
Jerome really tried his best.
773
01:25:05,536 --> 01:25:07,121
I bought you something.
774
01:25:07,288 --> 01:25:09,040
- You bought me something?
- I'm sure you'll love it.
775
01:25:10,666 --> 01:25:13,503
- Wow, it's a ring.
- Yeah.
776
01:25:14,545 --> 01:25:15,588
It's beautiful.
777
01:25:15,755 --> 01:25:18,883
It was impossible
for me to work out Jerome's income.
778
01:25:19,050 --> 01:25:22,929
Sometimes he had lots of money
and other times none,
779
01:25:23,095 --> 01:25:24,347
which I later thought perhaps
780
01:25:24,514 --> 01:25:27,809
meant that his work
was not entirely above board.
781
01:25:27,975 --> 01:25:31,062
But this time
he'd really gone all out.
782
01:25:31,229 --> 01:25:35,775
- That must've been so expensive.
- Well, it wasn't cheap.
783
01:25:35,942 --> 01:25:38,027
- Best craftsmanship.
- Hmm.
784
01:25:38,194 --> 01:25:40,404
I'll guarantee you that.
785
01:25:40,571 --> 01:25:42,990
Let's play a game, then.
786
01:25:43,157 --> 01:25:45,409
- A game?
- Mm-hmm. Get up.
787
01:25:45,576 --> 01:25:46,661
Okay.
788
01:25:46,828 --> 01:25:49,038
- It's called "Cinderella".
- I don't know it.
789
01:25:49,205 --> 01:25:51,082
- You will.
- Okay.
790
01:25:51,249 --> 01:25:53,126
- Right.
- No, you don't touch it.
791
01:25:53,292 --> 01:25:54,836
- Okay.
- You just look at it.
792
01:25:57,296 --> 01:25:59,090
Okay? Are you ready?
793
01:26:00,633 --> 01:26:02,260
- Yes.
- Steady.
794
01:26:02,426 --> 01:26:04,720
Steady.
795
01:26:04,887 --> 01:26:06,639
- Go.
- Fuck! Joe!
796
01:26:06,806 --> 01:26:08,015
Come on, Cinderella.
797
01:26:08,182 --> 01:26:10,643
- Oh, fuck.
- Come on, come on.
798
01:26:10,810 --> 01:26:14,105
Joe! For fuck's sake.
799
01:26:14,272 --> 01:26:16,441
- Move!
- Cinderella, Cinderella!
800
01:26:16,607 --> 01:26:19,694
Fuck! Are you mad, Joe?
801
01:26:20,570 --> 01:26:23,406
Are you fucking mad?
Fuck! Fuck.
802
01:26:23,573 --> 01:26:26,492
£7,000, Joe!
803
01:26:28,244 --> 01:26:29,662
Did he find it?
804
01:26:29,829 --> 01:26:34,709
Oh yes, and returned it
and got all his money back.
805
01:26:34,876 --> 01:26:39,464
So can you call this game
anything other than malicious?
806
01:26:44,343 --> 01:26:47,013
Let me chew on that for a while.
807
01:26:50,975 --> 01:26:54,061
So it wasn't the diamond that
you're wearing around your neck?
808
01:26:54,228 --> 01:26:57,523
No. But that was a gift, too.
809
01:26:57,690 --> 01:26:59,609
But I have to be honest and say
810
01:26:59,776 --> 01:27:02,570
I can't remember the person
who gave it to me.
811
01:27:03,529 --> 01:27:06,491
I've always been in...
in the theoretical way, of course,
812
01:27:06,657 --> 01:27:08,659
interested in diamonds
and their cuts.
813
01:27:08,826 --> 01:27:11,704
The word "brilliant"
refers to the cut.
814
01:27:11,871 --> 01:27:14,624
Diamond is the stone.
815
01:27:16,501 --> 01:27:18,586
If we use the word "divine"
in connection
816
01:27:18,753 --> 01:27:20,838
with the Golden Section
and Fibonacci,
817
01:27:21,005 --> 01:27:23,132
the brilliant cut is nothing less.
818
01:27:23,883 --> 01:27:27,053
It's a frighteningly refined cut.
819
01:27:27,220 --> 01:27:29,806
Fifty-seven facets.
820
01:27:29,972 --> 01:27:33,142
The theory is that the light
enters through the top plane,
821
01:27:33,309 --> 01:27:37,563
which is called the table
or in some languages the mirror,
822
01:27:37,730 --> 01:27:41,859
and then inside the diamond
is refracted in all the facets
823
01:27:42,026 --> 01:27:43,861
and thrown out the same way,
824
01:27:44,028 --> 01:27:49,033
creating a absolutely unique
light effect.
825
01:27:51,077 --> 01:27:54,872
So, it's called a mirror.
I didn't know that.
826
01:27:56,082 --> 01:27:57,875
You have a mirror, too.
827
01:28:00,336 --> 01:28:02,046
Yeah.
828
01:28:02,213 --> 01:28:04,632
It's like a thought, isn't it?
829
01:28:34,287 --> 01:28:35,538
Some years later,
830
01:28:35,705 --> 01:28:38,916
the bodily abuse
began to have an effect.
831
01:28:39,167 --> 01:28:42,420
First, rare bleedings
from my clitoris,
832
01:28:42,587 --> 01:28:45,965
but then they became
more and more frequent.
833
01:28:55,683 --> 01:28:57,268
Come in.
834
01:29:00,897 --> 01:29:04,609
But I really need my salary.
835
01:29:04,776 --> 01:29:06,360
I know.
836
01:29:07,737 --> 01:29:10,281
And I'd like to help you.
837
01:29:11,115 --> 01:29:14,368
Have you heard any
of the rumors about yourself?
838
01:29:17,955 --> 01:29:20,625
They say you see men
every evening
839
01:29:23,753 --> 01:29:26,506
and spend all night with them.
840
01:29:26,672 --> 01:29:29,926
They say you can't be trusted,
all of them.
841
01:29:32,345 --> 01:29:34,555
Why do they say that?
842
01:29:36,474 --> 01:29:39,102
I suppose they're afraid
that I...
843
01:29:39,268 --> 01:29:42,772
I can't keep away
from their men.
844
01:29:44,899 --> 01:29:47,777
Right. And can you?
845
01:29:48,986 --> 01:29:50,404
No.
846
01:29:53,491 --> 01:29:55,993
I've spoken with a psychologist.
847
01:29:57,328 --> 01:29:59,205
He says you're addicted,
848
01:29:59,372 --> 01:30:01,958
but that it's not the kind of
addiction that can't be treated.
849
01:30:02,667 --> 01:30:05,670
They have some groups.
850
01:30:05,837 --> 01:30:08,339
I know about these kinds
of groups.
851
01:30:08,506 --> 01:30:11,551
I don't have anything
to say to a psychologist.
852
01:30:11,717 --> 01:30:14,720
I'm not suggesting therapy.
I'm demanding it.
853
01:30:16,180 --> 01:30:18,307
Even if you leave us,
it'll be the same at your next job
854
01:30:18,474 --> 01:30:20,935
and the one after that.
855
01:30:25,898 --> 01:30:28,359
Why didn't you want to speak
with a psychologist?
856
01:30:29,902 --> 01:30:33,197
It's an old story.
I just don't like them.
857
01:30:36,492 --> 01:30:38,369
Well, if you insist
that I try to understand,
858
01:30:38,536 --> 01:30:40,663
then you have
to tell me that story as well.
859
01:30:40,830 --> 01:30:43,124
The old story.
860
01:30:44,292 --> 01:30:47,211
Okay. Okay.
861
01:30:47,378 --> 01:30:49,797
It's not that old after all.
862
01:30:50,548 --> 01:30:55,052
It was about a year after
I'd lost Marcel and Jerome.
863
01:31:02,185 --> 01:31:03,561
Okay.
864
01:31:04,896 --> 01:31:07,648
I'd been careless
with my birth control pills before,
865
01:31:07,815 --> 01:31:10,359
and now I just didn't use them.
866
01:31:10,568 --> 01:31:12,528
Didn't the
whole experience with Marcel
867
01:31:12,695 --> 01:31:15,656
convince you that there was no
room for children in your life?
868
01:31:15,823 --> 01:31:17,450
That's right.
869
01:31:22,205 --> 01:31:24,415
I know it sounds
incomprehensible,
870
01:31:24,582 --> 01:31:27,084
but actually, it was because
of my crippling fear
871
01:31:27,251 --> 01:31:30,379
of becoming pregnant
that I didn't take the pills.
872
01:31:30,546 --> 01:31:32,590
It's probably impossible
to understand.
873
01:31:32,757 --> 01:31:36,344
No, it makes sense to me.
874
01:31:36,511 --> 01:31:38,638
You were so afraid
of getting pregnant
875
01:31:38,805 --> 01:31:42,225
that you repressed
the possibility of it.
876
01:31:42,391 --> 01:31:45,645
You couldn't even handle
seeing the box of pills.
877
01:31:51,234 --> 01:31:52,693
Okay.
878
01:31:58,116 --> 01:31:59,992
Would you turn it down?
879
01:32:02,662 --> 01:32:05,289
If you look at the screen
you can see your child,
880
01:32:05,456 --> 01:32:07,208
but I can't tell you
the gender yet.
881
01:32:07,375 --> 01:32:09,961
I don't give a shit
about the gender.
882
01:32:10,128 --> 01:32:11,546
I want it removed.
883
01:32:14,590 --> 01:32:18,010
Okay. Uh, you're in week eleven.
884
01:32:18,177 --> 01:32:22,723
So legally, there are
no barriers for an abortion.
885
01:32:22,890 --> 01:32:25,768
Yes, I know that.
Just remove it.
886
01:32:25,935 --> 01:32:30,273
Well, we have some procedures
to follow.
887
01:32:30,440 --> 01:32:32,066
There's nothing more
to talk about.
888
01:32:32,233 --> 01:32:34,277
I can have it removed.
I want it removed.
889
01:32:34,444 --> 01:32:37,488
It is a very big decision,
best not made in haste.
890
01:32:37,655 --> 01:32:40,366
Didn't you understand
what I just said?
891
01:32:40,533 --> 01:32:42,910
Okay, there's
an informative consultation
892
01:32:43,077 --> 01:32:46,456
with our psychologist before
you can have the procedure.
893
01:32:55,423 --> 01:32:57,842
You didn't really fill out the form.
894
01:32:58,009 --> 01:32:59,927
Maybe you didn't have time,
895
01:33:00,094 --> 01:33:05,141
uh, so I will need
to ask a few more questions.
896
01:33:05,308 --> 01:33:08,853
What's the most important thing
in your life right now?
897
01:33:09,020 --> 01:33:13,107
It could be many things,
your family, your friends, your...
898
01:33:13,274 --> 01:33:15,401
The most important thing
for me right now
899
01:33:15,568 --> 01:33:17,695
is to get an abortion.
900
01:33:19,489 --> 01:33:22,533
Yes. Well, that's what
we're going to resolve together.
901
01:33:24,911 --> 01:33:27,371
I need some information.
902
01:33:29,999 --> 01:33:31,834
Do you love the father?
903
01:33:32,001 --> 01:33:35,296
That's none of your business.
904
01:33:35,463 --> 01:33:40,718
Well, it is my business
because I'm here to form
905
01:33:40,885 --> 01:33:43,638
an impression
of your circumstances.
906
01:33:43,805 --> 01:33:45,598
That's my job.
907
01:33:45,765 --> 01:33:47,558
Okay, so what would you
most like me
908
01:33:47,725 --> 01:33:51,229
to answer about the father in order
to get the fucking abortion?
909
01:33:51,395 --> 01:33:54,148
That I love him,
or that I don't love him?
910
01:33:54,315 --> 01:33:58,861
Or that I... I don't know him
because I fuck tons of men?
911
01:34:04,158 --> 01:34:07,120
I, uh, see that
you were emotional
912
01:34:07,286 --> 01:34:09,497
during the doctor's examination.
913
01:34:09,664 --> 01:34:11,791
I think you're emotional.
914
01:34:11,958 --> 01:34:16,003
Please, listen. This is what we call
an informative consultation.
915
01:34:16,170 --> 01:34:18,214
What is it I need
to be informed of?
916
01:34:18,381 --> 01:34:20,424
That you can't
stuff the kid back inside?
917
01:34:20,591 --> 01:34:23,094
I already know that.
918
01:34:24,345 --> 01:34:26,472
I just need to be certain
919
01:34:26,639 --> 01:34:28,850
that you're completely sure
about your choice,
920
01:34:29,016 --> 01:34:32,186
and my professional opinion
based on your behavior
921
01:34:32,353 --> 01:34:33,604
is that clearly you're not.
922
01:34:33,771 --> 01:34:35,940
I've never been more sure
in my life.
923
01:34:36,107 --> 01:34:38,693
I want that fetus out right now.
924
01:34:38,860 --> 01:34:42,113
And as a professional, I cannot
defend recommending an abortion
925
01:34:42,280 --> 01:34:43,364
based on this conversation.
926
01:34:43,531 --> 01:34:47,535
I've already had a kid!
I know what I want!
927
01:34:47,702 --> 01:34:49,078
Fuck you.
928
01:34:55,793 --> 01:34:58,671
There were,
of course, many ways to do it.
929
01:34:58,838 --> 01:35:01,466
But I had chosen to follow
the common medical procedure
930
01:35:01,632 --> 01:35:04,427
I had learnt
while studying medicine,
931
01:35:04,594 --> 01:35:06,721
as it was of great importance
for me
932
01:35:06,888 --> 01:35:10,224
to get the fetus out straight away
rather than wait for it
933
01:35:10,391 --> 01:35:13,311
to be expelled
a couple of days later.
934
01:36:36,519 --> 01:36:39,397
Clearly, the most painful part
935
01:36:39,564 --> 01:36:42,442
would be the gradual opening
of the cervix,
936
01:36:42,608 --> 01:36:46,904
which otherwise was always done
under anesthesia.
937
01:39:12,300 --> 01:39:14,469
Say something, Pierrot.
938
01:39:16,429 --> 01:39:17,513
What do you mean?
939
01:39:17,680 --> 01:39:20,475
Well, you always have
so many clever things to say.
940
01:39:26,314 --> 01:39:29,734
Well, I... I feel bad for you
941
01:39:29,901 --> 01:39:31,778
that you had to cause yourself
so much pain.
942
01:39:38,201 --> 01:39:42,622
But the... the abortion
is completely understandable.
943
01:39:42,789 --> 01:39:43,915
You simply thought the child
944
01:39:44,081 --> 01:39:46,542
wouldn't have
a life worth living, so...
945
01:39:47,168 --> 01:39:49,170
Yeah, but the abortion in itself.
946
01:39:49,337 --> 01:39:52,131
- Abortion is not murder.
- Oh, come on.
947
01:39:52,298 --> 01:39:56,219
Don't fall back on false clichés
just for my sake.
948
01:39:56,385 --> 01:39:59,097
I ask again,
what about the abortion?
949
01:39:59,263 --> 01:40:00,389
I have no comment.
950
01:40:00,556 --> 01:40:03,559
I'm a big proponent
for abortion rights,
951
01:40:03,726 --> 01:40:06,312
but this is 100% female territory.
952
01:40:06,479 --> 01:40:08,731
I don't believe a man
can ever comprehend
953
01:40:08,898 --> 01:40:11,484
the situation or the pain.
954
01:40:11,651 --> 01:40:15,613
And when it comes to the method,
I think the less said, the better.
955
01:40:15,780 --> 01:40:18,741
Those are two
very interesting points of view.
956
01:40:18,908 --> 01:40:21,744
First, you say that as a man,
957
01:40:21,911 --> 01:40:24,038
you can't understand
a woman's feelings
958
01:40:24,205 --> 01:40:26,707
with regard to abortion.
959
01:40:26,874 --> 01:40:29,794
Well, that's a bit like saying
that I couldn't understand
960
01:40:29,961 --> 01:40:32,713
the victims of earthquakes
because they were Chinese.
961
01:40:34,257 --> 01:40:37,051
I thought we agreed that empathy
962
01:40:37,218 --> 01:40:39,971
was the foundation
of all humanism.
963
01:40:40,138 --> 01:40:43,057
But I can see that it's very
convenient for men
964
01:40:43,224 --> 01:40:46,310
to leave all that abortion
stuff to women.
965
01:40:46,477 --> 01:40:48,104
That way they don't have
to deal with the guilt
966
01:40:48,271 --> 01:40:51,232
and all of the small stuff.
967
01:40:51,399 --> 01:40:53,985
But your other remark
provokes me even more.
968
01:40:54,152 --> 01:40:57,488
You think my method
is not worth discussing?
969
01:40:59,574 --> 01:41:03,161
What enjoyment would I,
or let alone a young pregnant girl,
970
01:41:03,327 --> 01:41:05,121
have from hearing
all the lurid details
971
01:41:05,288 --> 01:41:09,375
about how a fetus is removed
in a clinic or any other way?
972
01:41:11,419 --> 01:41:13,212
Well, then,
we're back at the discussion
973
01:41:13,379 --> 01:41:15,923
about eating something
that was once alive.
974
01:41:16,090 --> 01:41:19,969
Do you really think
abortion is so repugnant
975
01:41:20,136 --> 01:41:21,721
if you believe
that we should know
976
01:41:21,888 --> 01:41:25,391
how animals are slaughtered
in order to eat them?
977
01:41:25,558 --> 01:41:27,560
Well, that's a fact
we have to live with,
978
01:41:27,727 --> 01:41:29,854
even if we try to repress it.
979
01:41:30,021 --> 01:41:31,439
Just as we do with abortion.
980
01:41:31,606 --> 01:41:34,442
Well, you sound
like a pro-lifer from Texas.
981
01:41:36,152 --> 01:41:37,779
I don't think so.
982
01:41:38,613 --> 01:41:41,324
First of all, I'm just
as much a pro-choice as you are.
983
01:41:41,491 --> 01:41:42,867
But on principle,
984
01:41:43,034 --> 01:41:46,954
I believe that taboos
are damaging for human beings.
985
01:41:47,997 --> 01:41:50,792
That's a relatively easy stance
for you to take.
986
01:41:53,753 --> 01:41:56,839
One that can be misconstrued
as a...
987
01:41:57,006 --> 01:41:59,842
as an argument
against pregnancy termination.
988
01:42:02,136 --> 01:42:03,679
I don't want
to belittle anything,
989
01:42:03,846 --> 01:42:07,266
but I can't see your abortion
as anything but a...
990
01:42:08,518 --> 01:42:10,144
luxury problem.
991
01:42:13,564 --> 01:42:15,733
A luxury problem?
992
01:42:15,900 --> 01:42:19,112
The really serious,
serious abortions,
993
01:42:19,278 --> 01:42:24,367
the ones that save lives,
far from our social spheres,
994
01:42:24,534 --> 01:42:26,202
you can't endanger them
just because you
995
01:42:26,369 --> 01:42:29,038
provocatively insist
on showing the gory details.
996
01:42:30,373 --> 01:42:33,876
Consider all the millions
of repressed women,
997
01:42:34,043 --> 01:42:38,589
the victims of rape
and incest, hunger.
998
01:42:38,756 --> 01:42:41,759
All those who,
maybe thanks to an abortion,
999
01:42:41,926 --> 01:42:42,969
have regained a new life,
1000
01:42:43,136 --> 01:42:46,973
maybe saved a child
from starving to death.
1001
01:42:47,140 --> 01:42:52,145
You can't harm them just because
of some principle of openness.
1002
01:42:55,314 --> 01:43:00,069
Luckily, I was able to get the head
of the fetus out on the first try,
1003
01:43:00,236 --> 01:43:02,029
but it rarely goes like that.
1004
01:43:02,196 --> 01:43:05,658
In the 12th week,
the diameter of the head
1005
01:43:05,825 --> 01:43:08,828
is a little more than
1.2 centimeters.
1006
01:43:08,995 --> 01:43:11,581
Therefore,
a very impressive instrument
1007
01:43:11,747 --> 01:43:13,624
has been developed
by the medical community.
1008
01:43:13,791 --> 01:43:16,502
The nutcracker is an instrument
1009
01:43:16,669 --> 01:43:20,465
that we use to get the fetus
out of the uterus completely.
1010
01:43:20,631 --> 01:43:24,844
We enter it into and through
the dilated cervical channel
1011
01:43:25,011 --> 01:43:27,430
and position it around the head
of the fetus,
1012
01:43:27,597 --> 01:43:30,683
and you crack it like a nut,
1013
01:43:30,850 --> 01:43:33,561
and then you pull out the fetus,
and there you have it.
1014
01:43:33,728 --> 01:43:36,314
That is the so-called nutcracker.
1015
01:43:36,481 --> 01:43:38,900
This is not something I need to know.
1016
01:43:40,234 --> 01:43:42,361
Oh, I hope you're not going
1017
01:43:42,528 --> 01:43:46,407
to be an opponent of abortion
based on that.
1018
01:43:46,574 --> 01:43:50,036
No, but you have to think
of the outrage
1019
01:43:50,203 --> 01:43:53,122
this knowledge would create
in society.
1020
01:43:53,289 --> 01:43:57,043
So, you're saying that people
in general are too stupid
1021
01:43:57,210 --> 01:44:01,380
to make decisions
on an informed basis.
1022
01:44:01,547 --> 01:44:05,760
And that coming from a man
who only an hour ago sermonized
1023
01:44:05,927 --> 01:44:08,304
about his belief
in human qualities.
1024
01:44:08,471 --> 01:44:11,349
No, you... you're simplifying things.
1025
01:44:11,516 --> 01:44:14,477
You can't look at it like that.
1026
01:44:14,644 --> 01:44:17,063
It's funny to see you
so emotional suddenly.
1027
01:44:21,984 --> 01:44:24,487
Looking back,
it rankles me a bit
1028
01:44:24,654 --> 01:44:28,825
that I didn't just
show up all calm and collected
1029
01:44:28,991 --> 01:44:32,370
at the appointment
with the psychologist
1030
01:44:32,537 --> 01:44:35,123
and have my abortion
under full anesthesia.
1031
01:44:35,289 --> 01:44:38,751
The fact is that when
you're completely under,
1032
01:44:38,918 --> 01:44:41,587
the fetus doesn't feel
anything either,
1033
01:44:41,754 --> 01:44:45,800
whereas my action, of course,
caused pain,
1034
01:44:45,967 --> 01:44:47,844
depending on how much consciousness
1035
01:44:48,010 --> 01:44:52,765
you want to ascribe
to a fetus about 12 weeks old.
1036
01:44:52,932 --> 01:44:55,476
I'm a bit nervous
about bringing that subject up,
1037
01:44:55,643 --> 01:44:57,937
as most of the abortions
in the world,
1038
01:44:58,104 --> 01:45:00,064
due to lack of resources,
1039
01:45:00,231 --> 01:45:04,360
occur just under
local anesthesia or none.
1040
01:45:06,404 --> 01:45:09,198
Well, you're a careful man.
1041
01:45:10,199 --> 01:45:14,370
Whether we talk about abortion
or not, you can't escape death,
1042
01:45:14,537 --> 01:45:18,458
and my fetus could have turned
out to be a fine human being,
1043
01:45:18,624 --> 01:45:22,253
but one that would
also eventually die.
1044
01:45:25,882 --> 01:45:28,301
What haunts me
is the ironic detail
1045
01:45:28,468 --> 01:45:31,262
that my father and I
were snail-gatherers.
1046
01:45:34,515 --> 01:45:38,686
We had the deepest compassion,
not to say sentimentality,
1047
01:45:38,853 --> 01:45:41,939
about the smallest living things
on the planet
1048
01:45:42,106 --> 01:45:44,400
which we demonstrated
by saving snails,
1049
01:45:44,567 --> 01:45:48,070
often, by the way,
the same size as my fetus,
1050
01:45:48,237 --> 01:45:50,948
from certain death on the path.
1051
01:45:51,115 --> 01:45:54,577
We did that only
when the other one wasn't watching,
1052
01:45:54,744 --> 01:45:56,913
as it was a bit embarrassing.
1053
01:45:58,289 --> 01:46:00,750
Are you picking up snails?
1054
01:46:02,043 --> 01:46:03,711
No.
1055
01:46:05,588 --> 01:46:07,090
Are you sure you weren't
picking up snails?
1056
01:46:07,256 --> 01:46:08,883
- Yeah.
- You're sure?
1057
01:46:09,050 --> 01:46:11,135
Yeah.
1058
01:46:13,513 --> 01:46:17,391
- Shall we drop the subject?
- Yes, please.
1059
01:46:17,558 --> 01:46:19,644
Are you sure
you don't want a little tour
1060
01:46:19,811 --> 01:46:21,687
of the technical details
1061
01:46:21,854 --> 01:46:24,524
of removal of organs
for organ donations?
1062
01:46:24,690 --> 01:46:27,110
No, thank you. I'm fine.
1063
01:46:29,779 --> 01:46:30,780
Where were we?
1064
01:46:31,697 --> 01:46:35,785
I think something about your boss
sending you to see a psychologist.
1065
01:46:35,952 --> 01:46:37,787
Yes, that's right.
1066
01:46:43,209 --> 01:46:45,753
- My name is Joe.
- Hi, Joe.
1067
01:46:45,920 --> 01:46:49,924
- And I'm a nymphomaniac.
- Sex addict.
1068
01:46:50,091 --> 01:46:52,677
My name is Joe,
and I'm a nymphomaniac.
1069
01:46:52,844 --> 01:46:56,222
We say sex addict.
Here, everyone's the same.
1070
01:47:00,977 --> 01:47:05,273
Renée, last time you
told us you had a plan.
1071
01:47:05,440 --> 01:47:07,316
How did it go?
1072
01:47:07,483 --> 01:47:11,612
I thought of trying something new,
as nothing had helped.
1073
01:47:13,114 --> 01:47:16,701
I thought if I overdosed...
1074
01:47:16,868 --> 01:47:19,078
in other words,
if I did the exact opposite
1075
01:47:19,245 --> 01:47:21,581
of what we are trying
to do here,
1076
01:47:21,747 --> 01:47:23,166
then I could get well.
1077
01:47:23,332 --> 01:47:25,793
You mean function normally.
1078
01:47:25,960 --> 01:47:29,213
I had prepared
the whole thing very carefully.
1079
01:47:29,380 --> 01:47:32,425
Sent my husband away
for the weekend
1080
01:47:32,592 --> 01:47:36,429
and had the children
taken care of.
1081
01:47:36,596 --> 01:47:38,598
It was to happen on the Saturday.
1082
01:47:40,933 --> 01:47:46,022
I had... I had collected
phone numbers for a whole month,
1083
01:47:46,189 --> 01:47:49,192
and then back in the coal.
1084
01:48:28,147 --> 01:48:31,442
They fucked me for three hours.
1085
01:48:31,734 --> 01:48:34,737
And how did
you feel about that?
1086
01:48:34,904 --> 01:48:37,824
Well, I never feel good afterwards.
I feel ashamed.
1087
01:48:38,908 --> 01:48:41,327
But in relation to...
to your addiction,
1088
01:48:41,494 --> 01:48:44,288
do you feel relieved
like you thought you would?
1089
01:48:46,999 --> 01:48:48,167
No.
1090
01:48:49,669 --> 01:48:53,548
What should I do?
I'm ready to do what's necessary.
1091
01:48:53,714 --> 01:48:56,551
Sex addiction
is very different from,
1092
01:48:56,717 --> 01:48:59,345
say, abuse of drugs or alcohol
1093
01:48:59,512 --> 01:49:02,098
because you don't actually need
either of those things.
1094
01:49:02,265 --> 01:49:04,392
These addictions can
be completely removed
1095
01:49:04,559 --> 01:49:09,021
by removing the drug or the alcohol,
not that that's easy.
1096
01:49:09,188 --> 01:49:11,732
But the difference
with sex addiction
1097
01:49:11,899 --> 01:49:14,986
is that everyone has a sexuality
1098
01:49:15,153 --> 01:49:17,738
that's an integral part
of their personality.
1099
01:49:19,615 --> 01:49:24,787
If one could
imagine exterminating sexuality,
1100
01:49:24,954 --> 01:49:27,039
then you'd be left
with a severely reduced person
1101
01:49:27,206 --> 01:49:31,669
because... because sexuality
also includes tenderness,
1102
01:49:31,836 --> 01:49:35,339
contact, solidarity with others,
1103
01:49:35,506 --> 01:49:38,634
which would be hard to imagine
anyone living without on some level.
1104
01:49:40,261 --> 01:49:43,931
What you're saying is that no one
can remove their sexuality,
1105
01:49:44,098 --> 01:49:46,392
even though it's destroying
everything for them.
1106
01:49:46,559 --> 01:49:48,436
I wouldn't say no one,
1107
01:49:48,603 --> 01:49:51,272
but let's say, at most,
one in a million
1108
01:49:51,439 --> 01:49:54,233
manage to live a life
without sexuality.
1109
01:49:54,400 --> 01:49:58,070
But you can't be basing your therapy
on that one in a million.
1110
01:49:58,237 --> 01:50:01,657
No. The first
and most important step
1111
01:50:01,824 --> 01:50:05,578
is to remove incentive
and to reduce exposure.
1112
01:50:07,205 --> 01:50:08,998
You have to ask yourself
1113
01:50:09,165 --> 01:50:12,210
what kind of incentives you have
and then make it difficult
1114
01:50:12,376 --> 01:50:14,128
for yourself to come
into contact with them.
1115
01:50:14,295 --> 01:50:18,174
Basically, anything that
makes you think about sex.
1116
01:52:26,761 --> 01:52:28,930
Stop it.
1117
01:52:33,059 --> 01:52:36,145
Joe has something
she'd like to share.
1118
01:52:37,396 --> 01:52:39,816
- My name is Joe.
- Hi, Joe.
1119
01:52:39,982 --> 01:52:41,776
And I'm a sex addict,
1120
01:52:41,943 --> 01:52:46,239
but I haven't had sex
for three weeks and five days.
1121
01:52:49,450 --> 01:52:50,535
Tell us how you did it, Joe.
1122
01:52:50,701 --> 01:52:53,830
- You brought notes?
- Yes.
1123
01:52:59,168 --> 01:53:04,215
Dear everyone,
don't think it's been easy,
1124
01:53:04,382 --> 01:53:07,885
but I understand now
that we are all alike.
1125
01:53:22,942 --> 01:53:27,321
- Are you okay, Joe?
- Yes, yes.
1126
01:53:31,742 --> 01:53:33,703
Would you like
a glass of water?
1127
01:53:36,414 --> 01:53:37,999
Thank you.
1128
01:53:46,758 --> 01:53:48,885
Would you rather share another time?
1129
01:53:54,682 --> 01:53:57,059
No, I'd like to speak.
1130
01:54:02,106 --> 01:54:07,361
Dear everyone,
don't think it's been easy,
1131
01:54:07,528 --> 01:54:09,739
but I understand now
1132
01:54:09,906 --> 01:54:13,910
that we're not
and never will be alike.
1133
01:54:16,162 --> 01:54:20,875
I'm not like you,
who fucks to be validated
1134
01:54:21,042 --> 01:54:23,586
and might just as well give up
putting cocks inside you.
1135
01:54:23,753 --> 01:54:27,423
You already got your bloody kick
a long time ago
1136
01:54:27,590 --> 01:54:30,176
when it turned out that someone
was even bothered to fuck you.
1137
01:54:30,343 --> 01:54:32,220
And I'm not like you.
1138
01:54:32,386 --> 01:54:34,263
Eat yourself to death
if you want.
1139
01:54:34,430 --> 01:54:36,516
I have no pity for you.
1140
01:54:36,682 --> 01:54:38,392
All you want is to be filled up,
1141
01:54:38,559 --> 01:54:43,564
and whether it's by a man
or by tons of disgusting slop
1142
01:54:43,731 --> 01:54:45,650
makes no difference,
1143
01:54:45,817 --> 01:54:48,027
because it's all just
a pathetic attempt
1144
01:54:48,194 --> 01:54:51,114
at filling out
your own resounding emptiness
1145
01:54:51,280 --> 01:54:56,119
and hiding your ridiculous
egocentric self-loathing.
1146
01:54:56,285 --> 01:54:58,788
And I'm definitely not like you.
1147
01:54:58,955 --> 01:55:03,126
That empathy you claim is a lie
1148
01:55:03,292 --> 01:55:07,338
because all you are
is society's morality police,
1149
01:55:07,505 --> 01:55:12,635
whose duty is to erase my obscenity
from the surface of the Earth,
1150
01:55:12,802 --> 01:55:15,638
so that the bourgeoisie
won't feel sick.
1151
01:55:18,850 --> 01:55:20,518
I'm not like you.
1152
01:55:21,727 --> 01:55:26,482
I am a nymphomaniac,
and I love myself for being one,
1153
01:55:26,649 --> 01:55:31,028
but above all, I love my cunt
1154
01:55:31,195 --> 01:55:34,323
and my filthy, dirty lust.
1155
01:55:57,680 --> 01:55:59,807
What just happened?
1156
01:55:59,974 --> 01:56:04,020
I didn't get that,
with the car that burned.
1157
01:56:04,187 --> 01:56:05,772
No, I'm sorry.
1158
01:56:05,938 --> 01:56:09,567
I was just in too much of
a hurry to get to the last chapter.
1159
01:56:19,619 --> 01:56:21,621
It's dawning.
1160
01:56:21,788 --> 01:56:24,415
How can you tell?
1161
01:56:24,582 --> 01:56:27,335
Oh, it's...
it's just a slight coloring.
1162
01:56:27,502 --> 01:56:30,922
I know because I've stood here
so often at this time.
1163
01:56:32,298 --> 01:56:34,634
You could say
I've developed an ability
1164
01:56:34,801 --> 01:56:38,596
to see dawn before everyone else.
1165
01:56:42,266 --> 01:56:45,103
Then you understand
what I mean when I say
1166
01:56:45,269 --> 01:56:49,524
that twilight suddenly appeared
at this point in my story.
1167
01:56:51,275 --> 01:56:54,904
I understood that society
had no room for me,
1168
01:56:55,071 --> 01:56:59,617
and I had no room for society
and never had.
1169
01:57:01,369 --> 01:57:03,663
It would've been much, much easier
1170
01:57:03,830 --> 01:57:06,082
to have realized that earlier on,
1171
01:57:06,249 --> 01:57:09,419
but suddenly,
1172
01:57:09,585 --> 01:57:12,338
my senses unfolded dramatically.
1173
01:57:14,173 --> 01:57:18,177
To go from the respectable
daylight side of society
1174
01:57:18,344 --> 01:57:20,721
to the shady, nocturnal side
1175
01:57:21,597 --> 01:57:23,808
was like changing sides in a war.
1176
01:57:24,892 --> 01:57:27,353
You put your old army behind you,
1177
01:57:27,520 --> 01:57:30,898
and suddenly, the next second,
you're swallowed by the new one.
1178
01:57:31,065 --> 01:57:33,443
There's no in between.
1179
01:57:47,540 --> 01:57:49,542
I'm sure it was quite natural for you
1180
01:57:49,709 --> 01:57:52,044
to furnish your room
as a monk's cell,
1181
01:57:52,211 --> 01:57:56,716
but as an inspiration
for this story, chapter headings
1182
01:57:56,883 --> 01:57:59,010
hasn't been easy.
1183
01:57:59,177 --> 01:58:02,263
There's simply nothing
left for me to use.
1184
01:58:03,848 --> 01:58:05,850
Well, I'm sorry about that.
1185
01:58:07,185 --> 01:58:09,729
But if I may,
I can give you a tip.
1186
01:58:11,105 --> 01:58:12,982
Yes, please.
1187
01:58:13,149 --> 01:58:15,860
You know, I occupy myself
mostly with texts,
1188
01:58:16,027 --> 01:58:19,363
but sometimes the text can seem so...
1189
01:58:19,530 --> 01:58:23,409
so empty, so unfathomably empty.
1190
01:58:23,576 --> 01:58:27,538
It could be the best text
by the most famous author.
1191
01:58:27,705 --> 01:58:31,334
The solution might be
to change your point of view.
1192
01:58:33,044 --> 01:58:35,004
I don't get that.
1193
01:58:35,171 --> 01:58:40,343
Things hide
when they become familiar.
1194
01:58:40,510 --> 01:58:44,514
But if you look at them
from another angle,
1195
01:58:44,680 --> 01:58:47,475
they might take
on a new meaning.
1196
01:58:58,611 --> 01:58:59,904
You're right.
1197
01:59:01,072 --> 01:59:05,660
Before this was just the stain
from the tea I threw.
1198
01:59:07,120 --> 01:59:09,789
Can you see what it could be?
1199
01:59:11,249 --> 01:59:12,583
A revolver!
1200
01:59:12,750 --> 01:59:16,295
No, a revolver has a drum
that revolves.
1201
01:59:16,462 --> 01:59:18,464
It's a pistol.
1202
01:59:18,631 --> 01:59:21,342
Can you see what kind it could be?
1203
01:59:21,509 --> 01:59:24,637
No, I don't remember anything
like that from my literature.
1204
01:59:24,804 --> 01:59:27,223
Oh, but it's something
I can remember from mine.
1205
01:59:27,390 --> 01:59:31,686
- Ian Fleming.
- Not familiar.
1206
01:59:31,853 --> 01:59:35,106
If you haven't read that,
you haven't read anything at all.
1207
01:59:36,482 --> 01:59:39,485
This could be,
with a little imagination,
1208
01:59:39,652 --> 01:59:43,281
a Walther PPK automatic,
1209
01:59:43,448 --> 01:59:45,700
the same gun
that was issued to Bond,
1210
01:59:45,867 --> 01:59:49,287
after his preferred pistol,
the Beretta, had jammed.
1211
01:59:51,080 --> 01:59:52,498
Is that something you can use?
1212
01:59:54,459 --> 01:59:56,377
Oh, yes, it is.
1213
02:00:06,012 --> 02:00:10,516
Whether I left
society or it left me, I cannot say.
1214
02:00:10,683 --> 02:00:13,811
I suppose you could make
an argument for both sides.
1215
02:00:15,271 --> 02:00:17,273
I was on my way
to the shady side
1216
02:00:17,440 --> 02:00:20,818
of the debt collecting business,
which, among other things,
1217
02:00:20,985 --> 02:00:24,113
involves stuff like
burning people's cars.
1218
02:00:26,157 --> 02:00:30,077
I had for a long time
known about this man, L.
1219
02:00:35,374 --> 02:00:37,585
Hi, my name is Joe.
1220
02:00:37,752 --> 02:00:41,672
I know that. Come in.
1221
02:00:46,302 --> 02:00:48,262
I'm looking for a job.
1222
02:00:49,806 --> 02:00:51,224
I've been working in an office,
1223
02:00:51,390 --> 02:00:53,893
and I was never really good at it.
1224
02:00:54,060 --> 02:00:57,688
I can understand that.
I mean, what's the point?
1225
02:01:00,358 --> 02:01:04,153
I've thought of you now and then
and wondered when you'd show up.
1226
02:01:07,824 --> 02:01:11,828
My lifestyle is relatively expensive,
1227
02:01:13,663 --> 02:01:17,125
and I need a fair amount
of free time for a sideline.
1228
02:01:17,291 --> 02:01:19,210
Of course.
I already know that.
1229
02:01:19,377 --> 02:01:22,255
I believe I possess
some qualifications
1230
02:01:22,422 --> 02:01:24,674
and that I'm rather unscrupulous.
1231
02:01:24,841 --> 02:01:28,428
I know all about your qualifications
and they're excellent.
1232
02:01:28,594 --> 02:01:32,223
And you have already proven you
are unscrupulous by coming here.
1233
02:01:34,809 --> 02:01:39,272
I would suggest that you start
your own little business
1234
02:01:39,439 --> 02:01:41,315
with my help.
1235
02:01:41,482 --> 02:01:45,486
I understand you possess
a great deal of insight
1236
02:01:45,653 --> 02:01:48,531
about a rather broad spectrum of men.
1237
02:01:49,866 --> 02:01:53,953
This could be, or should be,
capitalized on.
1238
02:01:54,120 --> 02:01:56,622
What should I do?
1239
02:01:56,789 --> 02:01:59,751
I facilitate certain assignments
for my humble firm
1240
02:01:59,917 --> 02:02:02,003
as part of a debt
collection business.
1241
02:02:02,170 --> 02:02:04,672
In other words,
I need subcontractors
1242
02:02:04,839 --> 02:02:07,550
who can put moderate pressure
on individuals,
1243
02:02:07,717 --> 02:02:11,637
with whom my clients rightly
or wrongly have a bone to pick.
1244
02:02:11,804 --> 02:02:14,265
- Understand?
- Extortion.
1245
02:02:14,432 --> 02:02:16,225
No. No, no, no, no.
1246
02:02:16,392 --> 02:02:21,147
I always prefer
the term "debt collection."
1247
02:02:22,857 --> 02:02:24,525
- Yeah.
- I refrain from judging
1248
02:02:24,692 --> 02:02:28,946
whether my clients' wishes
are legitimate or otherwise,
1249
02:02:29,113 --> 02:02:33,409
a point of view I strongly
recommend you follow.
1250
02:02:35,077 --> 02:02:40,249
I'm still unsure of what it is
I should do.
1251
02:02:40,416 --> 02:02:42,502
Well, you'll need two thugs,
1252
02:02:42,668 --> 02:02:45,213
and I can think of two good ones.
1253
02:02:45,379 --> 02:02:49,926
They both have a lot of experience
and can show you the ropes.
1254
02:02:51,052 --> 02:02:52,929
That's interesting.
1255
02:02:53,096 --> 02:02:56,099
It's not at all interesting.
1256
02:02:56,265 --> 02:02:58,518
Most interesting thing about it was
1257
02:02:58,684 --> 02:03:01,562
how easily I dedicated
myself to crime.
1258
02:03:01,729 --> 02:03:03,940
My main
qualification, of course,
1259
02:03:04,107 --> 02:03:07,193
was my considerable experience
with men and sex.
1260
02:03:07,360 --> 02:03:11,405
But even my more specialized
skills came in handy.
1261
02:03:33,094 --> 02:03:36,973
No, now this is not how it goes.
1262
02:03:37,140 --> 02:03:39,475
You have to wait until you're hit.
1263
02:03:42,186 --> 02:03:45,898
The two helpers that
L had recommended were okay,
1264
02:03:46,065 --> 02:03:49,569
but they were predisposed
to a rather repetitive technique,
1265
02:03:49,735 --> 02:03:53,531
which consisted of creating
as much havoc as possible
1266
02:03:53,698 --> 02:03:55,116
with a pair of iron bars.
1267
02:04:10,798 --> 02:04:15,136
Destroying your things doesn't
seem to have much effect on you.
1268
02:04:15,303 --> 02:04:16,763
The only thing
worth mentioning
1269
02:04:16,929 --> 02:04:19,140
from my first years
as a collector
1270
02:04:19,307 --> 02:04:23,060
was the story of an unusually
sober-minded,
1271
02:04:23,227 --> 02:04:26,022
and for that reason vulnerable, man.
1272
02:04:26,189 --> 02:04:29,066
The dirt I threatened
to go public with
1273
02:04:29,233 --> 02:04:32,737
was normally within
my core competence: sex.
1274
02:04:33,654 --> 02:04:38,242
But for once, here was a man
I was unable to read sexually,
1275
02:04:38,409 --> 02:04:41,037
so I became persistent.
1276
02:04:41,204 --> 02:04:43,039
Tie him to the chair.
1277
02:04:44,707 --> 02:04:46,375
Don't hurt him.
1278
02:04:49,712 --> 02:04:51,964
I can't find a stain on you,
1279
02:04:52,840 --> 02:04:55,802
but my experience tells me
that no man is spotless.
1280
02:04:57,011 --> 02:05:01,015
Luckily, you're equipped with
a very reliable truth detector.
1281
02:05:11,609 --> 02:05:14,487
I'm going to tell you a few stories.
1282
02:05:14,654 --> 02:05:17,031
All you have to do is listen.
1283
02:05:19,075 --> 02:05:22,203
You're in a bar watching a couple...
1284
02:05:22,370 --> 02:05:24,914
I now meticulously
went through the catalogue
1285
02:05:25,081 --> 02:05:28,292
of sexual deviations
in fictional form.
1286
02:05:28,459 --> 02:05:31,379
Stories about sado-masochism,
1287
02:05:31,546 --> 02:05:35,675
fetishism, homosexuality,
you name it.
1288
02:05:35,842 --> 02:05:37,552
But he didn't react.
1289
02:05:37,718 --> 02:05:40,179
And I'd almost given up
when I said...
1290
02:05:40,346 --> 02:05:44,976
On your way home,
you walk through the park.
1291
02:05:49,730 --> 02:05:51,441
And something makes you stop.
1292
02:05:52,567 --> 02:05:54,402
You hear something.
1293
02:06:08,624 --> 02:06:10,334
Yes, that's it.
1294
02:06:10,501 --> 02:06:14,213
You can hear the children
in the playground.
1295
02:06:15,339 --> 02:06:19,802
You sit on a bench nearby
and watch them play.
1296
02:06:19,969 --> 02:06:23,139
There's a little boy in shorts.
1297
02:06:24,515 --> 02:06:26,726
He's playing in the sandpit.
1298
02:06:28,728 --> 02:06:33,608
He looks at you
with his blue eyes.
1299
02:06:35,151 --> 02:06:36,861
He smiles at you.
1300
02:06:37,028 --> 02:06:39,238
I think he comes to you.
1301
02:06:39,405 --> 02:06:44,535
He sits on your lap
and looks up at your face.
1302
02:06:45,203 --> 02:06:49,457
He says he'd like
to come home with you.
1303
02:06:53,628 --> 02:06:54,879
At home,
1304
02:06:55,046 --> 02:06:58,341
you can't fight the idea
of being naked together.
1305
02:06:59,342 --> 02:07:01,803
He crawls all over you.
1306
02:07:01,969 --> 02:07:03,596
You get an erection.
1307
02:07:03,763 --> 02:07:05,848
Won't you please stop?
1308
02:07:06,015 --> 02:07:08,768
He lies on his stomach.
1309
02:07:09,560 --> 02:07:12,396
You pull down his pants.
1310
02:07:12,563 --> 02:07:14,190
I'll pay!
1311
02:07:46,597 --> 02:07:48,850
You did what?
1312
02:07:49,016 --> 02:07:50,768
I gave him a blowjob.
1313
02:07:50,935 --> 02:07:54,605
- Why? That pig!
- I took pity on him.
1314
02:07:54,772 --> 02:07:56,107
Pity?
1315
02:07:56,274 --> 02:07:59,777
Yes. I had just destroyed his life.
1316
02:07:59,944 --> 02:08:04,115
Nobody knew his secret,
most probably not even himself.
1317
02:08:05,324 --> 02:08:07,910
He sat there with the shame.
1318
02:08:08,077 --> 02:08:11,330
I suppose I sucked him off
as a kind of apology.
1319
02:08:11,497 --> 02:08:12,540
That's unbelievable.
1320
02:08:13,833 --> 02:08:16,711
No, listen to me.
This is a man who'd succeeded
1321
02:08:16,878 --> 02:08:18,838
in repressing his own desire,
1322
02:08:19,005 --> 02:08:24,135
who had never before given into it,
right up until I forced it out.
1323
02:08:24,302 --> 02:08:26,804
He had lived a life full of denial
1324
02:08:26,971 --> 02:08:29,390
and had never hurt a soul.
1325
02:08:29,557 --> 02:08:32,393
I think that's laudable.
1326
02:08:32,560 --> 02:08:33,603
No matter how much I try,
1327
02:08:33,770 --> 02:08:36,355
I can't find anything laudable
in pedophilia.
1328
02:08:36,522 --> 02:08:39,400
That's because you think
about the perhaps five percent
1329
02:08:39,567 --> 02:08:41,986
who actually hurt children.
1330
02:08:42,153 --> 02:08:46,908
The remaining 95 percent
never live out their fantasies.
1331
02:08:47,074 --> 02:08:49,494
Think about their suffering.
1332
02:08:49,660 --> 02:08:54,582
Sexuality is the strongest force
in human beings.
1333
02:08:54,749 --> 02:08:59,587
To be born with a forbidden
sexuality must be agonizing.
1334
02:08:59,754 --> 02:09:03,174
The pedophile
who manages to get through life
1335
02:09:03,341 --> 02:09:05,426
with the shame of his desire
1336
02:09:05,593 --> 02:09:09,388
while never acting on it,
deserves a bloody medal.
1337
02:09:16,479 --> 02:09:20,108
The writer Thomas Mann
said somewhere
1338
02:09:20,274 --> 02:09:22,360
that a temptation resisted
1339
02:09:22,527 --> 02:09:26,823
is not a sin
but a test of virtue.
1340
02:09:30,576 --> 02:09:34,205
Wasn't there something
about that writer and boys?
1341
02:09:34,372 --> 02:09:36,958
Yeah, so they say.
1342
02:09:37,125 --> 02:09:40,294
I suppose he dealt with it
by writing them out.
1343
02:09:40,461 --> 02:09:43,214
And he got a medal, a Nobel Prize.
1344
02:09:47,718 --> 02:09:50,847
But there was
another reason for my sympathy,
1345
02:09:51,013 --> 02:09:53,349
which you find so mysterious.
1346
02:09:55,226 --> 02:09:59,230
I saw a man who was carrying
the same cross as myself.
1347
02:10:01,858 --> 02:10:03,943
Loneliness.
1348
02:10:07,196 --> 02:10:09,949
We were both sexual outcasts.
1349
02:10:18,458 --> 02:10:20,460
In any case,
some years passed,
1350
02:10:20,626 --> 02:10:23,588
during which my business grew,
1351
02:10:23,755 --> 02:10:28,342
enabling me to step up my
anonymous deposits to Marcel.
1352
02:10:29,260 --> 02:10:32,805
Your business is doing great.
1353
02:10:32,972 --> 02:10:36,768
You complete all the jobs
I give you to perfection.
1354
02:10:36,934 --> 02:10:41,606
And I hear only words of praise
from your other clients, but...
1355
02:10:41,773 --> 02:10:44,692
- But what?
- We aren't getting any younger.
1356
02:10:44,859 --> 02:10:48,905
No, that's for sure.
1357
02:10:49,071 --> 02:10:50,490
I think you're getting to that age
1358
02:10:50,656 --> 02:10:52,658
where you have to start thinking
about a successor.
1359
02:10:52,825 --> 02:10:56,537
Oh, I don't need a fucking successor.
1360
02:10:56,704 --> 02:10:58,372
Listen.
1361
02:10:58,539 --> 02:11:01,918
A person should take
their crime seriously.
1362
02:11:02,085 --> 02:11:05,213
You need someone
to be your right hand,
1363
02:11:05,379 --> 02:11:09,217
someone to help you.
A crown princess.
1364
02:11:11,511 --> 02:11:14,764
The normal process is to find out
1365
02:11:14,931 --> 02:11:18,392
what colleagues are in prison,
or are drug addicts,
1366
02:11:18,559 --> 02:11:23,231
and thereby unable to fulfill
their roles as parents.
1367
02:11:23,397 --> 02:11:27,735
Then, you find out
where their kids play football,
1368
02:11:27,902 --> 02:11:30,238
and you get involved.
1369
02:11:30,404 --> 02:11:32,115
You cheer them on
for a couple of years,
1370
02:11:32,281 --> 02:11:35,743
no matter how bad they are.
Actually, the worse, the better.
1371
02:11:35,910 --> 02:11:39,872
That way, gradually, you take on
the role of the parent
1372
02:11:40,039 --> 02:11:43,793
until, in the end,
you have a loyal helper
1373
02:11:43,960 --> 02:11:47,255
that will walk through fire for you.
1374
02:11:47,422 --> 02:11:49,465
Even do time for you.
1375
02:11:53,219 --> 02:11:57,348
It sounds like a kind of
an entrapment you're suggesting.
1376
02:11:57,515 --> 02:12:00,977
- An unsavory entrapment.
- Call it what you want,
1377
02:12:01,144 --> 02:12:05,106
but if you believe at all in
the effects of good parenting,
1378
02:12:05,273 --> 02:12:08,192
that kid will have much greater
opportunities with you
1379
02:12:08,359 --> 02:12:10,778
as a mentor than without.
1380
02:12:10,945 --> 02:12:13,322
And since I like you,
1381
02:12:13,489 --> 02:12:17,326
I've been looking around
for a suitable subject.
1382
02:12:17,493 --> 02:12:22,790
She's 15 years old from
a family of hardened criminals,
1383
02:12:22,957 --> 02:12:25,293
and she's been through a lot.
1384
02:12:25,460 --> 02:12:28,546
Last couple of years
she's been institutionalized.
1385
02:12:28,713 --> 02:12:31,257
Her father's in prison
and her mother died of an overdose.
1386
02:12:31,424 --> 02:12:33,134
She's a smart girl.
1387
02:12:33,301 --> 02:12:35,219
And although
she doesn't play football,
1388
02:12:35,386 --> 02:12:38,181
she does play basketball very badly.
1389
02:12:39,432 --> 02:12:44,812
She's chosen a team sport
because she's lonely.
1390
02:12:44,979 --> 02:12:47,982
I saved the best part for last.
1391
02:12:48,149 --> 02:12:51,110
Her right ear is slightly deformed,
1392
02:12:51,277 --> 02:12:54,989
which she is very ashamed of,
1393
02:12:55,156 --> 02:12:58,159
and of course, this serves
to isolate her even more.
1394
02:12:58,326 --> 02:13:02,663
It makes her an easy target
for even the slightest bit
1395
02:13:02,830 --> 02:13:07,585
of attention
or sign of empathy from you.
1396
02:13:11,547 --> 02:13:15,134
Despite my protests,
the clever L somehow talked me
1397
02:13:15,301 --> 02:13:16,928
into actually having a look at P.
1398
02:13:19,722 --> 02:13:23,101
The longer I watched the poor girl
with the deformed ear,
1399
02:13:23,267 --> 02:13:26,479
the more repulsive
I found the whole plan.
1400
02:13:53,423 --> 02:13:55,425
But as if L had foreseen this,
1401
02:13:55,591 --> 02:14:01,264
the meeting with P filled me
with pity and emotion.
1402
02:14:01,431 --> 02:14:03,141
And without wanting to,
1403
02:14:03,307 --> 02:14:06,561
I found myself,
weekend after weekend,
1404
02:14:06,727 --> 02:14:10,440
at her games
supporting the poor player.
1405
02:14:25,496 --> 02:14:29,041
- Thanks for cheering me on.
- You're welcome.
1406
02:14:29,208 --> 02:14:31,461
You played really well today.
1407
02:14:33,880 --> 02:14:36,549
- No, I didn't.
- You did.
1408
02:14:36,716 --> 02:14:39,761
You really improved yourself lately.
1409
02:14:51,272 --> 02:14:55,026
Sixteen years. Congratulations.
1410
02:14:55,193 --> 02:14:57,987
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1411
02:15:20,760 --> 02:15:22,303
I was proud to introduce P
1412
02:15:22,470 --> 02:15:25,139
to my father's passion
and his world.
1413
02:15:28,226 --> 02:15:30,019
It's actually...
1414
02:15:31,479 --> 02:15:35,441
the souls of the trees
that we see in the winter.
1415
02:15:41,864 --> 02:15:44,492
I think they look like human souls.
1416
02:15:48,579 --> 02:15:50,456
Yeah, you're right.
1417
02:15:51,332 --> 02:15:54,085
They do look like human souls.
1418
02:15:54,293 --> 02:15:57,505
Twisted souls, regular souls,
1419
02:15:57,672 --> 02:15:59,757
crazy souls,
1420
02:15:59,924 --> 02:16:03,594
all depending on the kind
of lives human beings lead.
1421
02:16:06,472 --> 02:16:10,893
Then that must be
Miss Williamson from number 21.
1422
02:16:11,060 --> 02:16:13,563
That's not a very nice thing
to say about Miss Williamson.
1423
02:16:13,729 --> 02:16:17,275
But she's always angry.
She has a monster in her belly.
1424
02:16:17,442 --> 02:16:19,986
Well, she does have
an ulcer in her belly
1425
02:16:20,153 --> 02:16:21,863
that I've been treating
for the last 15 years.
1426
02:16:24,407 --> 02:16:26,826
And sure enough,
one of the following days
1427
02:16:26,993 --> 02:16:29,245
my dad dragged me
into the woods again.
1428
02:16:29,412 --> 02:16:33,207
I found my tree.
My soul tree.
1429
02:16:35,543 --> 02:16:41,299
And no, it's not that one, okay,
'cause then I would be dead.
1430
02:16:43,217 --> 02:16:45,428
This is my tree.
1431
02:16:48,806 --> 02:16:52,935
- It's not an ash tree.
- No, it's an oak tree.
1432
02:16:56,147 --> 02:16:58,024
It has two trunks.
1433
02:16:58,191 --> 02:17:01,402
Yeah, isn't it great?
1434
02:17:01,569 --> 02:17:06,783
It shows itself to both sides,
the lake and the forest.
1435
02:17:16,793 --> 02:17:21,089
But, Dad, how does
a tree get two trunks?
1436
02:17:22,715 --> 02:17:26,677
The most common reason
is that the top broke
1437
02:17:26,844 --> 02:17:28,721
when it was very young.
1438
02:17:28,888 --> 02:17:32,725
That means
that you've been broken once.
1439
02:17:32,892 --> 02:17:34,936
Have you, Dad?
1440
02:17:41,150 --> 02:17:44,362
It seems that it can be
rather revealing...
1441
02:17:45,822 --> 02:17:48,116
to find your soul tree.
1442
02:17:52,120 --> 02:17:57,750
My father found his soul tree,
but I've never found mine.
1443
02:17:58,292 --> 02:18:03,464
"You will know it when you see it,"
is what he said.
1444
02:18:10,054 --> 02:18:15,893
Kitchen and dining room.
And in here...
1445
02:18:17,728 --> 02:18:20,064
When P reached the age of maturity
1446
02:18:20,231 --> 02:18:22,525
and I became her personal adviser,
1447
02:18:22,692 --> 02:18:25,194
I asked her to move in with me.
1448
02:18:33,619 --> 02:18:36,372
Let me see you with your hair up.
1449
02:18:36,539 --> 02:18:39,041
You're so pretty.
1450
02:18:51,095 --> 02:18:54,807
All this time
all my sexual activity had stopped.
1451
02:18:54,974 --> 02:18:59,520
My groin was one big sore
from my abuse that wouldn't heal,
1452
02:18:59,687 --> 02:19:02,523
and made even
masturbation impossible.
1453
02:19:06,778 --> 02:19:10,072
I experienced definite
abstinence symptoms...
1454
02:19:10,239 --> 02:19:12,200
fever and cramps.
1455
02:19:37,183 --> 02:19:38,935
Joe, what's going on?
1456
02:19:41,145 --> 02:19:43,940
- Careful.
- We need to clear this up.
1457
02:19:52,824 --> 02:19:55,785
I just get this sometimes.
1458
02:19:59,122 --> 02:20:01,624
It's okay. It's okay.
1459
02:20:05,711 --> 02:20:08,214
Do you want to go back to bed?
1460
02:20:10,216 --> 02:20:12,427
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
1461
02:20:28,568 --> 02:20:30,445
I love you, Joe.
1462
02:20:30,611 --> 02:20:32,363
I love you, too.
1463
02:20:33,781 --> 02:20:36,117
I don't mean it in that way.
1464
02:20:39,162 --> 02:20:42,582
Come on, it's late.
You should go back to bed.
1465
02:20:44,125 --> 02:20:45,168
Good night.
1466
02:20:48,045 --> 02:20:50,465
Perhaps she really loved you.
1467
02:20:54,552 --> 02:20:57,930
She was so very young.
1468
02:20:58,097 --> 02:21:02,393
Maybe she, too, discovered
her cunt at the age of two.
1469
02:21:02,560 --> 02:21:04,687
Maybe earlier.
1470
02:21:04,854 --> 02:21:06,397
I couldn't accept it.
1471
02:21:06,564 --> 02:21:10,359
Perhaps because you
really wanted it to be true.
1472
02:21:12,445 --> 02:21:14,113
Perhaps I hoped it.
1473
02:21:14,280 --> 02:21:17,617
It's very touching,
all this about P.
1474
02:21:19,827 --> 02:21:23,414
Then you've probably
misunderstood the whole thing.
1475
02:21:23,581 --> 02:21:27,085
Shall we get the story over
and done with?
1476
02:21:55,238 --> 02:21:57,281
Don't.
1477
02:21:58,491 --> 02:22:00,576
I wanna see you.
1478
02:22:00,743 --> 02:22:01,744
- Don't.
- Why?
1479
02:22:01,911 --> 02:22:03,371
- Please, don't.
- Why not?
1480
02:22:03,538 --> 02:22:07,083
No. No, I have a wound.
1481
02:22:07,250 --> 02:22:09,252
- I have a wound.
- It doesn't matter.
1482
02:22:09,419 --> 02:22:13,297
- No, you don't understand.
- I have that thing with my ear.
1483
02:22:13,464 --> 02:22:16,134
I'm so ashamed.
1484
02:22:52,503 --> 02:22:54,589
Do you like me?
1485
02:22:58,176 --> 02:23:00,178
You're so beautiful.
1486
02:24:37,859 --> 02:24:40,611
There's one thing
I don't understand.
1487
02:24:41,446 --> 02:24:44,157
Did she know what you did
for a living?
1488
02:24:44,323 --> 02:24:49,495
P was very discreet
and a girl of few words.
1489
02:24:50,997 --> 02:24:53,291
Oddly, although I worked
strange hours,
1490
02:24:53,458 --> 02:24:55,334
she never asked about my work.
1491
02:24:57,086 --> 02:24:59,922
But one day she had a question.
1492
02:25:01,549 --> 02:25:03,176
Joe.
1493
02:25:08,222 --> 02:25:12,059
Why did you start
coming to my basketball matches?
1494
02:25:14,145 --> 02:25:16,814
It wasn't a coincidence, was it?
1495
02:25:22,403 --> 02:25:25,364
No, it wasn't a coincidence.
1496
02:25:29,160 --> 02:25:31,829
I didn't tell you because I...
1497
02:25:31,996 --> 02:25:34,999
I thought you'd be upset...
1498
02:25:36,375 --> 02:25:39,253
and that you'd get angry at me.
1499
02:25:39,420 --> 02:25:41,923
I won't get angry.
1500
02:25:46,469 --> 02:25:48,596
What I do...
1501
02:25:50,139 --> 02:25:52,809
My job isn't a normal job.
1502
02:25:52,975 --> 02:25:55,103
It's not legal.
1503
02:25:55,269 --> 02:25:58,147
No one in my family
does anything legal.
1504
02:26:03,820 --> 02:26:08,241
A man that's helped me in my business
suggested that I watched you.
1505
02:26:11,160 --> 02:26:15,456
The plan was that I...
I should look at you
1506
02:26:15,623 --> 02:26:19,919
to see whether one day I could
use you in my work.
1507
02:26:20,086 --> 02:26:23,047
I should make friends with you
1508
02:26:23,214 --> 02:26:26,426
because I knew you didn't
have a mother or a father.
1509
02:26:26,592 --> 02:26:28,428
What's wrong with that?
1510
02:26:28,594 --> 02:26:32,181
Don't you see
how evil that plan was?
1511
02:26:32,348 --> 02:26:36,060
- I felt terrible.
- You shouldn't have.
1512
02:26:36,227 --> 02:26:38,187
Why not?
1513
02:26:40,982 --> 02:26:43,401
Because if you hadn't...
1514
02:26:45,361 --> 02:26:47,613
we'd never have met.
1515
02:26:52,410 --> 02:26:56,622
I'd like to go with you
to work next time.
1516
02:26:56,789 --> 02:26:58,207
No.
1517
02:27:07,258 --> 02:27:08,801
Will you think about it?
1518
02:27:08,968 --> 02:27:11,554
- No.
- Yes.
1519
02:27:11,971 --> 02:27:14,891
She didn't take no
for an answer.
1520
02:27:15,057 --> 02:27:17,310
No, of course not.
1521
02:27:17,477 --> 02:27:20,897
How do you keep a wave
upon the sand?
1522
02:27:23,191 --> 02:27:28,696
And in the throes of love,
I was weak and no match for her.
1523
02:27:31,783 --> 02:27:35,411
With the risk
of being too clever for myself,
1524
02:27:35,578 --> 02:27:40,041
social inheritance
is an irrefutable fact.
1525
02:27:41,417 --> 02:27:45,671
If anyone knew about the laws
of the street, it must've been P.
1526
02:27:46,881 --> 02:27:50,593
You're more right than you know.
1527
02:28:10,655 --> 02:28:13,074
- Let's shoot the fucker.
- No, no!
1528
02:28:13,241 --> 02:28:16,369
Stop! Stop!
1529
02:28:19,747 --> 02:28:22,125
We don't use firearms.
1530
02:28:23,292 --> 02:28:27,088
- I'd like to have the gun.
- The others have weapons, too.
1531
02:28:28,548 --> 02:28:30,091
Well, I didn't know that,
1532
02:28:30,258 --> 02:28:32,176
but in any case,
you're not to have one.
1533
02:28:33,302 --> 02:28:34,971
But guns aren't dangerous.
1534
02:28:35,138 --> 02:28:37,557
It depends on how you use them.
1535
02:28:37,723 --> 02:28:39,183
Yes, exactly.
1536
02:28:39,350 --> 02:28:40,852
I wasn't going to shoot him.
1537
02:28:41,894 --> 02:28:44,063
We wouldn't have gotten
any money out of him that way.
1538
02:28:44,230 --> 02:28:46,107
Can I have the gun?
1539
02:28:50,736 --> 02:28:52,447
Thank you.
1540
02:29:12,008 --> 02:29:14,051
You're evil.
1541
02:29:18,055 --> 02:29:22,143
And now I'm afraid
one of those coincidences
1542
02:29:22,310 --> 02:29:27,482
you have such a hard time with
occurred with a very special person.
1543
02:29:28,733 --> 02:29:31,402
It was P's job to take us
to the debtors,
1544
02:29:31,569 --> 02:29:33,654
so until I saw the name
on the door,
1545
02:29:33,821 --> 02:29:36,199
I had no idea
whose house we were at.
1546
02:29:38,576 --> 02:29:43,039
This is Acer siccharium.
1547
02:29:43,206 --> 02:29:45,625
- Saccharinum.
- Saccharinum, yeah, that.
1548
02:29:45,792 --> 02:29:46,959
I said that.
1549
02:29:56,094 --> 02:29:57,929
Are you sure
this is the right place?
1550
02:29:58,096 --> 02:29:58,846
Yeah.
1551
02:30:05,937 --> 02:30:11,609
I was thinking maybe it's time for
you to do this one on your own.
1552
02:30:12,527 --> 02:30:13,820
Yeah?
1553
02:30:15,738 --> 02:30:18,741
- Thank you, Joe.
- I don't want anything destroyed,
1554
02:30:19,700 --> 02:30:21,994
and I don't want anybody hurt.
1555
02:30:22,161 --> 02:30:27,417
Okay? You just show yourself and
offer him a reasonable payment plan.
1556
02:30:27,583 --> 02:30:32,213
If you say so, of course
that's how I'll do it.
1557
02:30:47,478 --> 02:30:50,064
Whether the feeling
when I saw Jerome again was love,
1558
02:30:50,231 --> 02:30:51,858
I couldn't say.
1559
02:30:54,819 --> 02:30:57,405
But it was a feeling...
1560
02:30:57,572 --> 02:31:00,283
and far stronger than I liked.
1561
02:31:11,502 --> 02:31:15,423
I was actually
walking home through the alley here.
1562
02:31:15,590 --> 02:31:17,884
Your two neighborhoods
are totally different,
1563
02:31:18,050 --> 02:31:21,429
but still so close together
that the shortest route
1564
02:31:21,596 --> 02:31:25,600
from Jerome's house towards
the center was through the alley.
1565
02:31:32,565 --> 02:31:34,567
Hello!
1566
02:31:34,734 --> 02:31:38,613
- How did it go?
- Brilliant.
1567
02:31:38,780 --> 02:31:41,908
Yeah, really well.
1568
02:31:42,075 --> 02:31:44,660
I made a reasonable payment plan
like you told me to.
1569
02:31:44,827 --> 02:31:49,707
- How did he look?
- Scared.
1570
02:31:49,874 --> 02:31:52,251
How old did he look?
1571
02:31:52,418 --> 02:31:55,755
I don't know. Ancient?
1572
02:32:15,608 --> 02:32:19,362
Jerome was to pay
off his debt in six payments.
1573
02:32:19,529 --> 02:32:22,281
Every time P
went to Jerome to collect,
1574
02:32:22,448 --> 02:32:27,203
I'd pace around restlessly
until she was back home again.
1575
02:32:29,497 --> 02:32:32,792
I even had to find my mother's
sad old solitaire cards
1576
02:32:32,959 --> 02:32:36,003
in order to make the hours pass.
1577
02:32:43,428 --> 02:32:45,304
Each night I was less reassured
1578
02:32:45,471 --> 02:32:48,516
by her coming home
than the night before.
1579
02:32:48,683 --> 02:32:51,936
The question of whether jealousy is
the fear of sharing
1580
02:32:52,103 --> 02:32:55,398
or the fear of losing
was of little interest to me.
1581
02:32:55,565 --> 02:32:58,693
But yes, it was a fact
that this unworthy feeling
1582
02:32:58,860 --> 02:33:03,573
I had managed to suppress
for so long was creeping up on me.
1583
02:33:06,409 --> 02:33:09,162
The evening she was
to collect the final payment,
1584
02:33:09,328 --> 02:33:11,164
she didn't kiss me.
1585
02:33:11,330 --> 02:33:13,666
I took it to be forgetfulness,
1586
02:33:13,833 --> 02:33:17,754
but the hours passed,
and she didn't return.
1587
02:33:24,844 --> 02:33:30,057
Every time I saw car lights,
I thought it was P being driven home.
1588
02:34:28,658 --> 02:34:30,743
So the next morning I took a trip
1589
02:34:30,910 --> 02:34:34,080
to the round hills
just outside of town
1590
02:34:34,247 --> 02:34:37,625
that I visited with my school class
when I was 12,
1591
02:34:37,792 --> 02:34:41,254
to say a symbolic goodbye.
1592
02:34:44,882 --> 02:34:47,593
I had decided to flee.
1593
02:34:47,760 --> 02:34:52,265
I couldn't stay in this town
with her and him.
1594
02:34:52,432 --> 02:34:56,727
I had cowardly made a plan
to escape and head south.
1595
02:34:56,894 --> 02:34:58,229
Like from some ice age
1596
02:34:58,396 --> 02:35:01,566
I didn't have the guts
to turn around and face.
1597
02:35:02,733 --> 02:35:06,946
But the goodbye was sad
and strangely unfulfilling.
1598
02:35:07,113 --> 02:35:11,075
And something called me on to
seek further up the mountain.
1599
02:36:34,700 --> 02:36:37,286
I understand dictators
who commit murder.
1600
02:36:40,248 --> 02:36:43,126
What was Hitler,
when it all boils down,
1601
02:36:43,292 --> 02:36:47,296
other than a man to whom society
gave free reins?
1602
02:36:49,841 --> 02:36:53,136
Well, that was
just what we were missing.
1603
02:36:53,302 --> 02:36:57,140
You understand racists,
you have a soft spot for pedophiles,
1604
02:36:57,306 --> 02:37:00,226
and, of course,
now at the finishing line,
1605
02:37:00,393 --> 02:37:02,145
you have to sympathize
1606
02:37:02,311 --> 02:37:04,939
with the greatest mass
murderers of history.
1607
02:37:05,106 --> 02:37:07,358
What I mean is...
1608
02:37:09,026 --> 02:37:11,571
It's said to be difficult
to take someone's life.
1609
02:37:11,738 --> 02:37:15,616
I would've said
that it's more difficult not to
1610
02:37:15,783 --> 02:37:19,579
when, as a dictator or as me,
1611
02:37:19,746 --> 02:37:22,123
you've nothing to lose.
1612
02:37:24,459 --> 02:37:25,710
For a human being,
1613
02:37:25,877 --> 02:37:29,088
killing is the most
natural thing in the world.
1614
02:37:29,255 --> 02:37:31,507
We're created for it.
1615
02:37:33,968 --> 02:37:35,636
Wonderful.
1616
02:38:26,395 --> 02:38:27,939
No, get off!
1617
02:38:38,157 --> 02:38:40,326
Fireman's grip.
1618
02:42:26,552 --> 02:42:31,099
Fill all my holes, please.
1619
02:42:55,790 --> 02:42:58,543
I still don't know
why the gun didn't work.
1620
02:42:58,709 --> 02:43:03,214
I did check to make sure that there
were bullets in the magazine.
1621
02:43:03,381 --> 02:43:06,050
It simply malfunctioned.
1622
02:43:06,217 --> 02:43:08,803
Just like Bond's Beretta.
1623
02:43:08,970 --> 02:43:12,056
I think I know enough to say
that even if you had rounds
1624
02:43:12,223 --> 02:43:14,225
in the magazine
of the Walther PPK,
1625
02:43:14,392 --> 02:43:17,895
if you'd taken off the safety,
1626
02:43:18,062 --> 02:43:20,815
you cannot shoot
until you've racked the gun.
1627
02:43:21,774 --> 02:43:24,152
You pull and release
1628
02:43:24,318 --> 02:43:26,571
the sliding mechanism.
1629
02:43:26,738 --> 02:43:28,781
And P hadn't done it
because as she said,
1630
02:43:28,948 --> 02:43:31,576
she had no intention
of shooting the man.
1631
02:43:33,745 --> 02:43:36,748
I don't know about Bond,
but I assume it has to be apparent
1632
02:43:36,914 --> 02:43:38,416
from his books and his films
1633
02:43:38,583 --> 02:43:42,879
that you have
to rack an automatic pistol.
1634
02:43:44,172 --> 02:43:45,882
Of course, you're right.
1635
02:43:46,883 --> 02:43:50,553
I've seen it in films
a thousand times.
1636
02:43:55,475 --> 02:43:56,642
It's morning.
1637
02:43:59,270 --> 02:44:02,899
- The snow is gone.
- So the sun must be up?
1638
02:44:04,108 --> 02:44:06,027
Yes, there is sun.
1639
02:44:07,361 --> 02:44:09,322
How can you see it?
1640
02:44:10,364 --> 02:44:14,952
This alley's located so that you
never get direct sunlight here,
1641
02:44:15,119 --> 02:44:19,624
but I can see a small reflection
on the building on the other side.
1642
02:44:26,380 --> 02:44:30,176
I've never managed to figure
out where it comes from.
1643
02:44:30,968 --> 02:44:35,890
It must be some interplay
between windows and towers
1644
02:44:36,057 --> 02:44:39,185
and high buildings.
1645
02:44:41,813 --> 02:44:46,943
It's not much, but it's the sun
you get here at my place.
1646
02:44:51,072 --> 02:44:52,824
It's beautiful.
1647
02:45:03,000 --> 02:45:04,210
In the beginning,
1648
02:45:04,377 --> 02:45:06,212
you said that your only sin
1649
02:45:06,379 --> 02:45:09,549
was that you asked
more of the sunset.
1650
02:45:11,134 --> 02:45:15,096
Meaning, I suppose, that you wanted
more from life than was good for you.
1651
02:45:17,807 --> 02:45:21,519
You were a human being
demanding your right,
1652
02:45:21,686 --> 02:45:23,229
and more than that,
1653
02:45:23,396 --> 02:45:26,774
you were a woman
demanding her right.
1654
02:45:30,069 --> 02:45:32,780
Does that pardon everything?
1655
02:45:34,157 --> 02:45:38,244
Do you think if two men were to
walk down a train looking for women,
1656
02:45:38,995 --> 02:45:42,165
do you think anybody would have
raised an eyebrow,
1657
02:45:42,373 --> 02:45:45,209
or if a man had led the life you had?
1658
02:45:46,878 --> 02:45:51,466
And the story about Mrs. H.
would've been extremely banal
1659
02:45:51,632 --> 02:45:52,967
if you'd been a man.
1660
02:45:54,177 --> 02:45:56,721
And your conquest
would have been a woman.
1661
02:45:57,722 --> 02:46:02,351
When a man leaves his children
because of desire,
1662
02:46:03,019 --> 02:46:05,813
we accept it with a shrug,
but you as a woman,
1663
02:46:06,272 --> 02:46:08,733
you had to take on a guilt,
1664
02:46:09,067 --> 02:46:11,486
a burden of guilt
that could never be alleviated.
1665
02:46:15,490 --> 02:46:18,951
Your abortion was legal,
but more than anything else,
1666
02:46:19,118 --> 02:46:23,122
it was a punishment
you inflicted upon yourself.
1667
02:46:24,248 --> 02:46:27,502
And all in all,
all the blame and guilt
1668
02:46:27,668 --> 02:46:30,213
that piled up over the years
became too much for you,
1669
02:46:30,379 --> 02:46:32,381
and you reacted aggressively,
1670
02:46:32,548 --> 02:46:35,551
almost like a man, I have to say,
and you fought back.
1671
02:46:36,844 --> 02:46:38,221
You fought back
against the gender
1672
02:46:38,387 --> 02:46:42,517
that had been oppressing
and mutilating and killing you
1673
02:46:42,683 --> 02:46:47,188
and billions of women
in the name of religion or ethics,
1674
02:46:47,355 --> 02:46:50,608
or God knows what.
1675
02:46:53,653 --> 02:46:56,572
But I wanted
to kill a human being.
1676
02:46:59,992 --> 02:47:01,994
But you didn't.
1677
02:47:03,955 --> 02:47:06,374
Because of a chance event.
1678
02:47:06,541 --> 02:47:08,584
You call it a chance event,
1679
02:47:10,086 --> 02:47:12,880
I call it subconscious resistance.
1680
02:47:13,047 --> 02:47:15,299
On the surface you wanted to kill,
1681
02:47:16,134 --> 02:47:18,553
but deep down,
you celebrated human worth
1682
02:47:19,595 --> 02:47:21,305
in a veil of forgetfulness
1683
02:47:21,472 --> 02:47:25,977
draped itself over your
knowledge of how to rack a gun.
1684
02:47:28,354 --> 02:47:30,648
Although all this
sounds frighteningly close
1685
02:47:30,815 --> 02:47:33,776
to the clichés of our times...
1686
02:47:33,943 --> 02:47:38,906
and I'm predisposed to knock
holes in your arguments...
1687
02:47:40,575 --> 02:47:42,744
I'm too tired.
1688
02:47:42,910 --> 02:47:44,203
Well, that's good.
1689
02:47:47,790 --> 02:47:49,834
Why don't you lay down?
1690
02:47:52,128 --> 02:47:53,921
Yes.
1691
02:48:05,266 --> 02:48:07,935
Let me just say that
telling my story
1692
02:48:08,978 --> 02:48:11,981
as you insisted, or permitted,
1693
02:48:13,858 --> 02:48:16,486
has put me at ease.
1694
02:48:17,945 --> 02:48:23,743
At this moment,
my addiction is very clear to me.
1695
02:48:26,120 --> 02:48:28,039
And I've come to a decision.
1696
02:48:30,583 --> 02:48:37,298
Even though only one in a million,
as my dubious therapist said,
1697
02:48:38,549 --> 02:48:42,762
succeed in mentally,
1698
02:48:42,929 --> 02:48:45,139
bodily,
1699
02:48:45,306 --> 02:48:47,517
and in her heart
1700
02:48:47,683 --> 02:48:52,855
ridding herself
of her sexuality...
1701
02:48:53,022 --> 02:48:55,566
this is now my goal.
1702
02:48:56,317 --> 02:48:59,278
But is that a life worth living?
1703
02:49:02,031 --> 02:49:05,034
It's the only way I can live it.
1704
02:49:08,871 --> 02:49:12,667
I will stand up against all odds...
1705
02:49:17,296 --> 02:49:20,716
just like a deformed tree on a hill.
1706
02:49:28,808 --> 02:49:33,312
I will muster
all of my stubbornness...
1707
02:49:36,816 --> 02:49:38,985
my strength...
1708
02:49:41,154 --> 02:49:43,906
my masculine aggression.
1709
02:49:46,200 --> 02:49:49,787
But most of all I want
to say thanks
1710
02:49:49,954 --> 02:49:54,584
to my new and maybe first friend.
1711
02:49:54,751 --> 02:49:57,628
Thank you, Seligman...
1712
02:49:59,297 --> 02:50:02,675
who perhaps is happy
when all is said and done.
1713
02:50:09,766 --> 02:50:12,351
I'm happy at any rate
1714
02:50:12,518 --> 02:50:14,604
that the shot didn't go off
1715
02:50:14,771 --> 02:50:17,523
and made me a murderer.
1716
02:50:23,154 --> 02:50:25,990
If I may, I'd like to sleep now.
1717
02:50:30,036 --> 02:50:32,663
I'll make sure
you won't be disturbed.
1718
02:50:35,666 --> 02:50:38,878
And when you wake up,
maybe we could
1719
02:50:39,045 --> 02:50:42,131
discuss your future if you'd like.
1720
02:50:50,973 --> 02:50:54,393
In your new life,
1721
02:50:54,560 --> 02:50:57,271
would you consider
seeking out your son?
1722
02:51:00,108 --> 02:51:02,110
It's possible.
1723
02:51:06,447 --> 02:51:08,533
Good night, Joe.
1724
02:51:09,909 --> 02:51:11,786
Good night, Seligman.
1725
02:52:52,011 --> 02:52:53,721
No!
1726
02:52:56,057 --> 02:52:58,810
But you,
you fucked thousands of men.
125599
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