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1
00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,030
I was dreamin'
2
00:02:31,365 --> 00:02:33,696
Dreamin' my dick was out
and I was checking to see
3
00:02:33,767 --> 00:02:37,096
if that infected bump on the head
of it had filled with pus again
4
00:02:37,166 --> 00:02:39,927
If it had. I was gonna name
that bump after my ex-wife Priscilla
5
00:02:39,999 --> 00:02:42,090
and bust it by jackin' off
6
00:02:42,166 --> 00:02:43,222
Oh, man.
7
00:02:43,298 --> 00:02:45,128
Or I'd like to think that's what I'd do
8
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:48,294
Dreams let you think like that
9
00:02:48,365 --> 00:02:52,821
Truth was. I hadn't had a hard-on in years
10
00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:17,186
Oh, man.
11
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:52,617
My God. Man How long have I been here?
12
00:03:52,695 --> 00:03:56,183
Am I really awake now.
Or am I just dreamin' I'm awake?
13
00:03:56,261 --> 00:03:59,421
How could my plans have gone so wrong?
14
00:03:59,495 --> 00:04:01,653
When the hell are they gonna serve lunch?
15
00:04:01,727 --> 00:04:04,454
Considerin' what they serve.
Why the hell do I care?
16
00:04:06,094 --> 00:04:09,923
If Priscilla discovered I was alive.
Would she come and see me?
17
00:04:09,993 --> 00:04:14,255
Would we still wanna fuck?
Or would we merely have to talk about it?
18
00:04:14,326 --> 00:04:16,054
Is there, finally and really,
19
00:04:16,127 --> 00:04:19,456
anything to life other than
food, shit, and sex?
20
00:04:27,192 --> 00:04:28,851
We, goddamnit
21
00:04:31,692 --> 00:04:34,852
How could I have gone from
the "King of rock and roll" to this?
22
00:04:35,558 --> 00:04:39,217
Old guy in a rest home in East Texas
with a growth on his pecker
23
00:04:56,890 --> 00:04:59,413
And what is that growth. Man?
24
00:04:59,491 --> 00:05:02,217
Cancer? Nobody's talkin'
25
00:05:02,823 --> 00:05:05,812
No one seems to know
or wants to
26
00:06:08,985 --> 00:06:11,645
Makes you wonder, doesn't it,
what kind of life this old guy had?
27
00:06:12,785 --> 00:06:16,616
What kind of life he had, you know.
His kids, his grandkids, his legacy.
28
00:06:16,685 --> 00:06:17,844
Look at him now.
29
00:06:17,918 --> 00:06:19,577
Oh, who gives a shit?
30
00:07:01,582 --> 00:07:02,912
Well...
31
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,440
Make you comfortable.
32
00:07:20,813 --> 00:07:22,109
No.
33
00:09:04,106 --> 00:09:06,665
I'm gonna squish you, cockroach!
34
00:10:10,802 --> 00:10:12,291
Help me.
35
00:11:03,599 --> 00:11:05,428
You know, I was thinkin'...
36
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,659
What? You gonna get
all weepy on me again?
37
00:11:08,733 --> 00:11:12,721
No. I was merely gonna suggest that you
use some of this here deodorizer
38
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:16,286
and spray it on that corpse
because she's smellin' pretty ripe.
39
00:11:19,998 --> 00:11:21,328
Good idea.
40
00:12:33,126 --> 00:12:34,422
Excuse me, miss?
41
00:12:35,927 --> 00:12:37,153
You gonna throw all that stuff out?
42
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,216
Yeah.
43
00:12:39,293 --> 00:12:42,123
Could I have one
of them pictures of Bull?
44
00:12:42,627 --> 00:12:44,956
Maybe his... his Purple Heart?
45
00:12:45,826 --> 00:12:48,485
I mean,
he was pretty proud of that.
46
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,252
And maybe that... that tin
of chocolates there?
47
00:12:54,325 --> 00:12:55,655
I suppose.
48
00:13:00,791 --> 00:13:04,950
The revealin' of her panties
wasn't intentional or unintentional
49
00:13:05,024 --> 00:13:06,513
She just didn't give a damn
50
00:13:06,591 --> 00:13:09,647
She saw me as so physically
and sexually non-threatenin'.
51
00:13:09,724 --> 00:13:12,986
She didn't mind if I got
a bird's-eye view of her love nest
52
00:13:13,057 --> 00:13:15,784
It was the same to her
as a house cat sneakin' a peek
53
00:13:16,857 --> 00:13:20,687
I felt my pecker flutter once
like a pigeon havin' a heart attack
54
00:13:21,422 --> 00:13:24,014
then it laid back down
and remained limp and still
55
00:13:24,688 --> 00:13:27,747
'Course. These days. Even a flutter
was kind of reassurin'
56
00:13:30,522 --> 00:13:31,852
- Here.
- Thank you.
57
00:13:31,923 --> 00:13:33,582
Say...
58
00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:35,650
Bull your kin?
59
00:13:35,723 --> 00:13:36,881
My daddy
60
00:13:39,289 --> 00:13:41,084
Never seen you here before.
61
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:45,479
I've only been here once before.
When I checked him in.
62
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,350
That's three years ago, wasn't it?
63
00:13:49,821 --> 00:13:51,152
You and him friends?
64
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:54,415
No, we just roommates. I mean,
he never felt good enough to say much.
65
00:13:55,054 --> 00:13:58,213
I just hated to see what
was left of him go away so easy.
66
00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:02,950
Seemed like an all right guy.
67
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:06,952
Mentioned you a lot.
You're... you're Callie, right?
68
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:08,509
Yeah.
69
00:14:08,587 --> 00:14:10,916
Well... he was all right.
70
00:14:11,853 --> 00:14:14,046
But not enough so you'd
come and see him, though.
71
00:14:14,885 --> 00:14:18,374
Don't lay some guilt trip on me, mister.
I did what I could.
72
00:14:18,453 --> 00:14:22,112
I mean, if it hadn't been for Medicaid
or Medicare... whatever that stuff was...
73
00:14:22,186 --> 00:14:24,084
he'd have been
in some ditch somewhere.
74
00:14:26,585 --> 00:14:29,074
And I sure didn't have the money
to take care of him.
75
00:14:32,885 --> 00:14:34,215
My own daughter
76
00:14:34,883 --> 00:14:37,316
lost long ago to me
77
00:14:37,385 --> 00:14:40,317
if she knew I lived.
Would she come and see me?
78
00:14:40,385 --> 00:14:41,782
Would she even care?
79
00:14:42,752 --> 00:14:46,240
You could've come and seen him.
They don't charge you for that.
80
00:14:46,951 --> 00:14:48,348
Mind your own business.
81
00:14:49,783 --> 00:14:51,273
I was busy.
82
00:15:06,284 --> 00:15:09,976
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my favorite patient.
83
00:15:10,049 --> 00:15:12,038
How are you this morning, Mr. Haff?
84
00:15:12,116 --> 00:15:13,775
I'm all right.
85
00:15:13,849 --> 00:15:17,246
But I prefer Mr. Presley or Elvis.
I keep tellin' you that.
86
00:15:17,315 --> 00:15:19,803
I don't go by
Sebastian Haff anymore, okay?
87
00:15:20,415 --> 00:15:22,142
I'm not tryin' to hide anymore.
88
00:15:22,215 --> 00:15:25,147
Well, of course I knew that.
I forgot.
89
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,545
Good morning, Elvis.
90
00:15:29,449 --> 00:15:33,175
Did you know we have
a celebrity here, Miss Thomas?
91
00:15:33,247 --> 00:15:36,372
Elvis Presley. You know,
the rock and roll singer.
92
00:15:37,881 --> 00:15:39,540
I thought he was dead.
93
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,540
Well, actually, Elvis is dead.
Mr. Haff knows that. Don't you, Mr. Haff?
94
00:15:44,615 --> 00:15:47,876
Hell, no. I'm right here.
I ain't dead.
95
00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:49,742
Yet.
96
00:15:49,814 --> 00:15:52,644
Now, Mr. Haff!
97
00:15:52,714 --> 00:15:55,373
I don't mind calling you "Elvis."
98
00:15:55,447 --> 00:15:58,276
But you're a little confused
and you like to play sometimes.
99
00:15:58,346 --> 00:16:03,210
You were an
Elvis impersonator, remember?
100
00:16:05,245 --> 00:16:08,211
You fell off the stage
and broke your hip... when was it?
101
00:16:08,279 --> 00:16:09,768
Twenty years ago.
102
00:16:09,846 --> 00:16:13,675
It got infected and you were
in a coma for quite a while.
103
00:16:13,745 --> 00:16:18,075
You came out with a few...
problems.
104
00:16:20,378 --> 00:16:24,105
Look, I was just impersonatin' myself.
I couldn't do nothin' else.
105
00:16:24,177 --> 00:16:25,507
I don't have any problems.
106
00:16:25,577 --> 00:16:27,668
You're tryin' to say
my brain's messed up, aren't you?
107
00:16:27,743 --> 00:16:30,232
Why would you
wanna be somebody else?
108
00:16:31,244 --> 00:16:32,402
I got tired of it.
109
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:35,299
I was hooked on pills, you know.
110
00:16:35,377 --> 00:16:36,967
I wanted out.
111
00:16:37,043 --> 00:16:39,771
And this boy Sebastian Haff...
he was an Elvis imitator.
112
00:16:39,844 --> 00:16:42,673
He was the best of 'em.
He took my place.
113
00:16:43,409 --> 00:16:45,136
Problem is, he had a bad heart.
114
00:16:45,977 --> 00:16:48,306
He liked drugs, too.
Liked them more than I did.
115
00:16:48,376 --> 00:16:52,399
So it was him that died, not me.
I just took his place.
116
00:16:52,943 --> 00:16:56,340
But why would you want
to leave all that fame. Mr. Presley?
117
00:16:57,009 --> 00:16:58,998
All that money?
118
00:16:59,076 --> 00:17:01,406
I don't know
'Cause they got old
119
00:17:05,008 --> 00:17:09,498
The woman I loved... Priscilla...
she was gone
120
00:17:09,575 --> 00:17:12,234
The rest of the women
were just women
121
00:17:13,841 --> 00:17:16,399
I mean. The music
wasn't mine anymore
122
00:17:16,475 --> 00:17:19,463
I wasn't even me anymore
Just this thing they made up
123
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:23,469
And my friends
124
00:17:26,074 --> 00:17:27,903
We, they were suckin' me dry
125
00:17:32,607 --> 00:17:35,266
So I took a little road trip
down to Nacogdoches
126
00:17:36,273 --> 00:17:40,261
to check out this Sebastian Haff
127
00:18:27,269 --> 00:18:28,929
It's all right, boys.
Just wait here.
128
00:18:52,901 --> 00:18:54,060
Oh, my God.
129
00:18:58,701 --> 00:19:00,530
I didn't think you'd really...
130
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,929
It's all right, boys.
Just another freak.
131
00:19:27,431 --> 00:19:28,592
Let's split.
132
00:19:41,465 --> 00:19:43,862
- Sorry, man.
- King, I got it. I got it.
133
00:19:43,931 --> 00:19:45,261
It's all yours, baby.
134
00:19:54,163 --> 00:19:57,028
So I signed everything
over to Sebastian
135
00:19:57,096 --> 00:20:00,585
Except for enough money
to sustain me if things got bad
136
00:20:00,663 --> 00:20:03,686
I was determined
to make myself a new life
137
00:20:03,762 --> 00:20:05,093
A better one
138
00:20:07,429 --> 00:20:10,089
But me and Sebastian.
We had us a deal
139
00:20:12,162 --> 00:20:14,151
If I wanted to trade back. He'd let me
140
00:20:15,396 --> 00:20:17,384
It was all written up in the contract
141
00:20:18,462 --> 00:20:20,053
The thing was
142
00:20:20,129 --> 00:20:22,616
I lost my copy
in a barbeque accident
143
00:20:23,928 --> 00:20:25,518
But that wasn't so bad. Either
144
00:20:25,595 --> 00:20:28,756
I was makin' new friends
and enjoyin' myself
145
00:20:31,328 --> 00:20:32,487
Cheers!
146
00:20:43,061 --> 00:20:46,117
Oh, my God.
Did you see that thing?
147
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,048
It just went up like that.
148
00:20:51,994 --> 00:20:55,187
- Now. Elvis
- Yes?
149
00:20:57,392 --> 00:20:59,449
Don't carry it too far.
150
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:03,515
You may just get way out there
and not come back.
151
00:21:04,658 --> 00:21:06,147
Oh, fuck you.
152
00:21:08,159 --> 00:21:09,647
Shit.
153
00:21:09,725 --> 00:21:13,214
Get old, you can't even cuss
someone and have it bother 'em.
154
00:21:13,292 --> 00:21:17,280
Everything you do is either
worthless or sadly amusing.
155
00:21:18,024 --> 00:21:19,490
Well...
156
00:21:19,558 --> 00:21:21,387
I've got what I want.
157
00:21:22,258 --> 00:21:25,088
The clothes can go
to Goodwill or Salvation Army.
158
00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:29,783
Very well. And I'm sorry about
your father. He was a nice man.
159
00:21:29,857 --> 00:21:31,322
Yeah.
160
00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:34,079
It was nice to meet you, Mr. Presley.
161
00:21:34,156 --> 00:21:36,350
- Get the hell out.
- Now, now.
162
00:21:37,690 --> 00:21:43,555
I'll be back later to do that little... thing
that has to be done. You know.
163
00:21:48,189 --> 00:21:49,246
Elvis!
164
00:21:59,922 --> 00:22:01,080
Poor Bull.
165
00:22:03,088 --> 00:22:07,248
In the end...
does anything really matter?
166
00:22:11,422 --> 00:22:13,411
No one here ever listened to me
167
00:22:14,087 --> 00:22:18,486
Except this one guy
only. He was certifiable
168
00:22:18,554 --> 00:22:20,746
That's where they took
a piece of my brain.
169
00:22:20,820 --> 00:22:24,275
They got it back in D.C.
In that goddamn jar.
170
00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:29,276
I got a little bag of sand
up there now.
171
00:22:30,354 --> 00:22:32,842
Jack... no offense, but...
172
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,851
President Kennedy was a white man.
173
00:22:35,919 --> 00:22:37,908
That's how clever they are!
174
00:22:37,986 --> 00:22:40,975
They dyed me this color.
All over!
175
00:22:41,053 --> 00:22:44,450
Can you think of a better way
to hide the truth than that?
176
00:23:42,848 --> 00:23:44,507
I was livin' simple
177
00:23:45,715 --> 00:23:47,409
The way Haff had been
178
00:23:47,482 --> 00:23:50,470
Going from town to town
doin' the Elvis act
179
00:23:51,380 --> 00:23:53,779
Only. I felt like I
was really me again
180
00:23:53,848 --> 00:23:55,177
Can you dig that?
181
00:23:55,248 --> 00:23:58,509
We're diggin' it, Mr. Haff...
Mr. Presley.
182
00:24:36,478 --> 00:24:37,966
Women were
throwin' themselves at me
183
00:24:38,045 --> 00:24:39,977
'cause they could imagine I was Elvis
184
00:24:40,045 --> 00:24:43,909
Only. I was Elvis playing
Sebastian Haff playing Elvis
185
00:24:43,978 --> 00:24:45,466
It was all pretty good
186
00:24:45,544 --> 00:24:47,635
I didn't mind the contract
being burned up
187
00:24:47,709 --> 00:24:49,869
Didn't even try to go back
and convince anybody
188
00:24:52,077 --> 00:24:53,703
Then I had the accident
189
00:24:53,778 --> 00:24:57,005
I was gyratin'. See. Takin' care business.
And then my hip went out
190
00:24:58,643 --> 00:25:00,370
I'd been havin' trouble with it
191
00:25:17,209 --> 00:25:19,004
Damn. It's cold in here tonight.
192
00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:33,034
No way. That's it.
This time, I make it.
193
00:25:34,141 --> 00:25:36,539
No more piss or crap
in the bed.
194
00:26:02,173 --> 00:26:03,502
Shake it out...
195
00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:14,735
There we go.
196
00:26:48,636 --> 00:26:52,830
Man... that is one
big bitch cockroach.
197
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:26,761
All right, man. Let's go.
198
00:27:35,767 --> 00:27:37,255
Damn.
199
00:27:41,300 --> 00:27:43,027
Hot damn!
200
00:28:12,064 --> 00:28:14,394
Got you, you six-legged bastard.
201
00:28:55,327 --> 00:28:58,987
Even a big bitch cockroach
like you should know...
202
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:04,850
Never... but never fuck with the King.
203
00:29:23,059 --> 00:29:26,219
Hey! Is anybody out here?
204
00:29:30,992 --> 00:29:33,821
I think we got some major
bug problems in this place, man!
205
00:30:41,053 --> 00:30:42,986
Oh, man...
206
00:30:44,554 --> 00:30:45,611
Hey, Jack?
207
00:30:57,419 --> 00:30:58,749
Hey, man, you okay?
208
00:31:05,752 --> 00:31:08,241
What the Sam Hill is that?
209
00:31:11,653 --> 00:31:12,811
Mr. Kennedy?
210
00:31:19,952 --> 00:31:23,111
Hey, man...
you're on the floor.
211
00:31:24,517 --> 00:31:25,744
No shit.
212
00:31:27,083 --> 00:31:28,311
Who are you?
213
00:31:29,317 --> 00:31:30,476
Look, I'm...
214
00:31:31,851 --> 00:31:34,908
Sebastian. Sebastian Haff.
215
00:31:35,716 --> 00:31:38,308
Did you see him go by in the hall?
216
00:31:39,617 --> 00:31:41,776
He scuttled like.
217
00:31:42,583 --> 00:31:45,243
- Who, man?
- The one they sent.
218
00:31:46,182 --> 00:31:49,637
- Who's "they"?
- Oh, you know who.
219
00:31:49,716 --> 00:31:51,443
No, Jack, I don't.
Come on, man.
220
00:31:53,416 --> 00:31:55,245
Lyndon Johnson.
221
00:31:55,316 --> 00:31:56,804
Castro, maybe.
222
00:31:56,882 --> 00:31:59,871
They sent somebody to finish me off.
223
00:31:59,949 --> 00:32:03,109
I think maybe it was Johnson himself.
224
00:32:03,182 --> 00:32:07,204
Real ugly.
Real goddamn ugly!
225
00:32:07,281 --> 00:32:09,544
Look, man,
President Johnson's dead.
226
00:32:09,614 --> 00:32:13,103
Shit. That ain't gonna stop him.
227
00:32:18,314 --> 00:32:19,473
Get his feet.
228
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,537
So, you say you heard a... a noise?
229
00:32:28,648 --> 00:32:31,477
Well, a sound's a sound, you know?
I mean, I heard something.
230
00:32:31,547 --> 00:32:35,945
It was like a... I don't know.
Like a... like a scuttling.
231
00:32:36,013 --> 00:32:38,536
- A scuttling sound?
- Yes, sir.
232
00:32:39,446 --> 00:32:43,435
Were you awake or were you
in bed when you heard this noise?
233
00:32:43,513 --> 00:32:47,342
I was in bed first, then I was awake
'cause the damn bugs woke me up.
234
00:32:47,412 --> 00:32:49,241
You got bugs all over this place.
235
00:32:50,412 --> 00:32:55,106
Bugs... well, Mr. Haff, what kind
of bugs have you been seeing?
236
00:32:55,178 --> 00:32:57,575
Look, do I look like
an ichthyologist to you?
237
00:32:57,645 --> 00:32:58,804
Big damn bugs, all right?
238
00:32:58,877 --> 00:33:02,038
The size of my fist. The size
of a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
239
00:33:02,112 --> 00:33:04,441
What do I care?
I got a growth on my pecker.
240
00:33:04,510 --> 00:33:06,670
Okay, Mr. Haff.
Don't worry about a thing.
241
00:33:06,745 --> 00:33:10,177
We'll call the exterminator tomorrow
and we'll take care of the problem.
242
00:33:10,244 --> 00:33:12,073
Good. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
243
00:33:33,576 --> 00:33:35,803
It's time for that little thing again.
244
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,598
A doll like this handlin' me
without warmth or emotion
245
00:34:08,674 --> 00:34:10,662
Twenty years ago
Just twenty. Man
246
00:34:10,739 --> 00:34:14,399
I could've made with the curly-lip smile
and had here eatin' out of my asshole
247
00:34:15,007 --> 00:34:19,735
Doctor says this cream
ought to do the trick.
248
00:34:19,806 --> 00:34:21,965
Corticosteroids.
249
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,766
Should heal the inflammation,
stop the pus.
250
00:34:27,306 --> 00:34:28,862
Where'd my youth go?
251
00:34:30,206 --> 00:34:33,137
Why didn't fame
hold off old age and death?
252
00:34:33,205 --> 00:34:35,864
Why the hell did I leave
the fame in the first place?
253
00:34:35,938 --> 00:34:37,597
Do I want it back?
Could I have it back?
254
00:34:37,670 --> 00:34:41,160
And if I could
would it make any damn difference?
255
00:35:02,802 --> 00:35:05,291
Mr. Haff!
256
00:35:12,003 --> 00:35:13,866
Lord almighty
257
00:35:15,103 --> 00:35:18,193
You old rascal.
258
00:35:20,469 --> 00:35:23,924
I think you better take
a cold shower, Mr. Haff.
259
00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:28,497
There'd been two presidential elections
since I had a boner like that one
260
00:35:28,568 --> 00:35:30,057
What gave here?
261
00:35:30,135 --> 00:35:32,033
Then I realized what gave
262
00:35:32,102 --> 00:35:34,294
I was thinkin' about something
that interested me
263
00:35:34,368 --> 00:35:36,425
Not my next meal or goin' to the crapper
264
00:35:37,201 --> 00:35:39,530
I'd been given a dose of life again
265
00:35:44,134 --> 00:35:46,497
You get in there with me,
I'll take that shower.
266
00:35:46,567 --> 00:35:49,056
You silly thing.
267
00:35:49,134 --> 00:35:51,691
Come on, now.
Why don't you pull on it a little?
268
00:35:53,467 --> 00:35:55,729
You ought to be ashamed.
269
00:36:29,697 --> 00:36:33,891
Where at? Where at?
270
00:36:33,964 --> 00:36:35,190
I haven't seen my kids.
271
00:36:35,264 --> 00:36:36,423
It's an ambush!
272
00:36:38,897 --> 00:36:42,022
Under the bridge.
I saw him under the bridge.
273
00:36:43,263 --> 00:36:46,127
It's an ambush!
Tonto, my boots, Tonto!
274
00:36:46,196 --> 00:36:49,923
That's my friend Kemosabe
We used to play cards together
275
00:36:49,996 --> 00:36:52,985
- My boots!
- Now he doesn't even know who I am
276
00:37:51,292 --> 00:37:52,451
Daddy.
277
00:37:57,558 --> 00:37:58,717
Baby?
278
00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:09,654
Sebastian. Sebastian! It's loose!
279
00:38:09,724 --> 00:38:10,883
What's loose?
280
00:38:10,957 --> 00:38:12,548
Lt. Listen.
281
00:38:22,990 --> 00:38:25,581
Jesus Christ. What's that?
282
00:38:25,656 --> 00:38:28,622
I thought it was Lyndon Johnson,
but I was wrong.
283
00:38:28,689 --> 00:38:32,246
I've come across new evidence
to suggest another assassin.
284
00:38:33,889 --> 00:38:35,048
Assassin?
285
00:38:35,122 --> 00:38:37,714
He's after another target tonight.
286
00:38:37,789 --> 00:38:39,686
Come on, I wanna show you something.
287
00:38:39,755 --> 00:38:42,221
I don't think it's safe
if you go back to sleeping.
288
00:38:42,289 --> 00:38:44,913
For chrissake, man.
Just tell the administrators.
289
00:38:46,488 --> 00:38:49,579
Suits and white starches?
No, thank you!
290
00:38:49,654 --> 00:38:53,950
I trusted them when I was back in Dallas,
and look where they got my brain and me.
291
00:38:54,021 --> 00:38:57,010
I'm thinkin' with sand here.
292
00:38:57,088 --> 00:39:00,247
I mean, I pick up some waves,
maybe, from my brain,
293
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,149
but someday, who knows?
294
00:39:02,220 --> 00:39:05,380
Somebody might just disconnect
the battery at the White House.
295
00:39:05,454 --> 00:39:08,613
Oh, yeah. That's something
to worry about, all right.
296
00:39:11,319 --> 00:39:13,547
Listen here. Listen.
297
00:39:13,620 --> 00:39:15,449
I know you're Elvis.
298
00:39:22,987 --> 00:39:27,645
There was a rumor, you know,
that you hated me.
299
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:29,117
But I thought about that.
300
00:39:31,652 --> 00:39:34,641
If you hated me, you could've
finished me off the other night.
301
00:39:36,484 --> 00:39:40,315
What I want from you is
that you look me straight in the eye
302
00:39:40,384 --> 00:39:45,544
and assure me you had nothing
at all to do with that day in Dallas,
303
00:39:45,618 --> 00:39:49,675
and that you did not know
Lee Harvey Oswald or Jack Ruby.
304
00:39:57,483 --> 00:39:59,143
Look, man...
305
00:39:59,217 --> 00:40:01,376
I had nothing to do with Dallas.
306
00:40:01,450 --> 00:40:05,007
And I knew neither
Lee Harvey Oswald nor Jack Ruby.
307
00:40:05,850 --> 00:40:10,577
Good. May I call you Elvis
instead of Sebastian?
308
00:40:11,250 --> 00:40:12,442
You may.
309
00:40:12,516 --> 00:40:14,005
Excellent.
310
00:40:14,082 --> 00:40:15,742
You wear glasses to read?
311
00:40:15,816 --> 00:40:18,304
Well, I wear glasses
when I really want to see.
312
00:40:18,382 --> 00:40:20,371
Get them. Come on.
313
00:40:25,481 --> 00:40:27,970
Come on.
Right down the hall.
314
00:40:30,548 --> 00:40:33,014
The walker was
swingin' along easier now
315
00:40:33,082 --> 00:40:34,411
Not even like I needed it
316
00:40:35,214 --> 00:40:37,373
Damn. This here Jack was a nut
317
00:40:38,114 --> 00:40:40,103
Maybe I was nuts. Too
318
00:40:40,180 --> 00:40:42,408
but there was
an adventure goin' on
319
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:43,571
It's in here.
320
00:40:50,247 --> 00:40:51,304
In here.
321
00:41:03,013 --> 00:41:04,342
That's it?
322
00:41:04,412 --> 00:41:07,969
We're investigating a scuttling in the hall,
trying to figure out who attacked you,
323
00:41:08,044 --> 00:41:10,875
and you bring me here to look
at stick pictures on the shit house wall?
324
00:41:10,945 --> 00:41:12,467
Look close.
325
00:41:31,943 --> 00:41:33,103
It's Egyptian.
326
00:41:33,178 --> 00:41:34,575
Right-a-reen-o.
327
00:41:34,644 --> 00:41:38,575
Hey, you're not as stupid
as some folks made you out.
328
00:41:38,643 --> 00:41:43,598
- Thank you.
- Now, I copied this down yesterday.
329
00:41:43,676 --> 00:41:48,200
I came in here to take a shit because
they hadn't cleaned up my bathroom.
330
00:41:48,277 --> 00:41:51,606
Saw that on the wall,
took it back to my room,
331
00:41:51,676 --> 00:41:54,369
looked it up in my books,
and I wrote it all down.
332
00:41:54,443 --> 00:42:00,432
Now, this top line
translates roughly into,
333
00:42:00,508 --> 00:42:04,339
"Pharaoh gobbles donkey goobers."
334
00:42:04,408 --> 00:42:08,897
And the bottom line,
"Cleopatra does the nasty."
335
00:42:08,975 --> 00:42:10,032
Say what?
336
00:42:10,107 --> 00:42:12,835
Well, pretty much.
That's the best I can translate it.
337
00:42:13,941 --> 00:42:17,429
All right, so, one of the nuts in here...
present company excluded...
338
00:42:17,508 --> 00:42:20,338
thinks he's Tutankhamen,
comes in here, writes hieroglyphics.
339
00:42:20,407 --> 00:42:23,497
Big deal! What's the connection?
Why are we standin' here in the toilet?
340
00:42:23,573 --> 00:42:26,970
Well, I don't know what
the connection is, exactly... not yet.
341
00:42:27,039 --> 00:42:30,631
But that thing
caught me asleep last night.
342
00:42:30,706 --> 00:42:33,196
And I came awake just in time.
343
00:42:33,274 --> 00:42:35,001
He had me on the floor.
344
00:42:35,074 --> 00:42:38,766
I had his mouth over my asshole.
345
00:42:38,839 --> 00:42:39,998
A shit-eater?
346
00:42:40,073 --> 00:42:41,562
I don't think so.
347
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,366
He was after my soul.
348
00:42:44,439 --> 00:42:48,303
Now, you can get that out of any
major orifice of a person's body.
349
00:42:48,372 --> 00:42:49,429
I read about it.
350
00:42:49,506 --> 00:42:51,563
Yeah? Where, man? Hustler?
351
00:42:51,639 --> 00:42:55,570
The Everyday Man Or Woman's
Book of the Soul by David Webb.
352
00:42:55,638 --> 00:42:57,866
And they got pretty good
movie reviews in there
353
00:42:57,937 --> 00:43:00,870
about stolen soul movies
in the back.
354
00:43:00,938 --> 00:43:02,961
Come on. I'll show you.
355
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:06,758
I think that there might be some sort
of electrical problem in the gardener's shed.
356
00:44:06,834 --> 00:44:09,765
That light...
looks like it's shortin' out.
357
00:44:09,833 --> 00:44:12,424
This whole damn place is fallin' apart.
358
00:44:12,500 --> 00:44:14,659
But you don't have to think about that.
359
00:44:14,733 --> 00:44:17,722
Mrs. Biddlestein is waitin'
on her enema.
360
00:44:18,765 --> 00:44:21,664
All right. All right. I'm comin'.
361
00:44:23,699 --> 00:44:26,756
Just let me finish my cigarette, first.
362
00:44:27,699 --> 00:44:28,857
God.
363
00:45:20,728 --> 00:45:22,421
Here's an ugly son of a bitch.
364
00:45:32,162 --> 00:45:34,753
Damn! Hey, Jack.
365
00:45:34,828 --> 00:45:37,987
What it says here
is that you can bury some dude,
366
00:45:38,061 --> 00:45:43,050
and if he gets the right tanna leaves
and spells said over him and such bullshit,
367
00:45:43,127 --> 00:45:46,456
that he can come back to life
thousands of years later, man.
368
00:45:47,194 --> 00:45:48,250
But hold on, now.
369
00:45:48,327 --> 00:45:52,089
To stay alive, he has to suck
on the souls of the livin',
370
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:55,819
and that if the souls are small,
his life force doesn't last long.
371
00:45:56,593 --> 00:45:58,752
Small.
What's that mean?
372
00:45:58,826 --> 00:46:01,314
Read on.
No, never mind.
373
00:46:01,391 --> 00:46:03,051
I'll tell you myself.
374
00:46:03,793 --> 00:46:06,588
But first,
would you like a Ding Dong?
375
00:46:07,992 --> 00:46:09,480
I don't mean mine.
376
00:46:10,359 --> 00:46:12,018
I mean a chocolate Ding Dong.
377
00:46:12,892 --> 00:46:16,346
Of course, mine would be chocolate
now that I have been dyed.
378
00:46:16,425 --> 00:46:17,947
You got Ding Dongs, man?
379
00:46:19,091 --> 00:46:22,080
I got Paydays
and I got a box of Baby Ruths.
380
00:46:22,158 --> 00:46:23,488
Oh, mama!
381
00:46:25,325 --> 00:46:28,916
Which will it be?
Let's get decadent.
382
00:46:29,924 --> 00:46:31,184
I'll take a Baby Ruth.
383
00:46:33,924 --> 00:46:35,389
All right.
384
00:46:37,223 --> 00:46:40,588
Now... small souls...
385
00:46:41,623 --> 00:46:45,283
are those that don't have
much fire for life.
386
00:46:45,357 --> 00:46:46,822
You know a place like that?
387
00:46:46,890 --> 00:46:50,878
Man, if souls were fires,
they couldn't burn much lower than in here.
388
00:46:50,956 --> 00:46:52,717
Exactamundo.
389
00:46:52,789 --> 00:46:58,120
What we have here at Shady Rest
is an Egyptian soul sucker of some sort.
390
00:46:58,189 --> 00:47:00,677
You know, a mummy hiding out.
391
00:47:00,754 --> 00:47:04,243
Coming in here,
feeding on the sleeping.
392
00:47:04,322 --> 00:47:06,481
It's perfect, you see?
393
00:47:06,555 --> 00:47:10,214
We're small souls,
so we can't provide him much.
394
00:47:10,887 --> 00:47:15,287
But if that thing comes back
two or three times in a row
395
00:47:15,354 --> 00:47:20,048
and wraps his lips
around some elder's asshole,
396
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:23,848
that elder is going to die pretty soon.
397
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:26,283
And who would be the wiser?
398
00:47:46,252 --> 00:47:47,581
Asshole.
399
00:47:49,618 --> 00:47:52,982
A mummy can't be getting
too much energy from all this...
400
00:47:53,052 --> 00:47:57,178
not like with big souls...
but the prey is easy.
401
00:47:57,717 --> 00:48:02,208
With new people comin' all the time, he can
keep this up forever... this soul robbin'.
402
00:48:02,285 --> 00:48:04,012
That's what they
brought us here for...
403
00:48:04,085 --> 00:48:06,675
to get us out of the way
until we die.
404
00:48:06,750 --> 00:48:12,580
And those who don't die first from
disease or just plain being old, he gets.
405
00:48:13,150 --> 00:48:16,981
Look, that's all well and good, Jack,
but there's one thing that still throws me.
406
00:48:18,083 --> 00:48:22,175
How does an ancient Egyptian
wind up in an East Texas rest home,
407
00:48:22,250 --> 00:48:25,478
and why is he writin'
on the shit house walls, man?
408
00:48:25,550 --> 00:48:28,037
Well, he went in to take a crap,
409
00:48:28,114 --> 00:48:30,979
got bored,
started writing on the walls.
410
00:48:31,049 --> 00:48:34,446
He probably wrote
on pyramid walls centuries ago.
411
00:48:34,515 --> 00:48:37,482
Come on. What would he crap?
It's not like he'd eat.
412
00:48:37,549 --> 00:48:39,707
Well, he eats souls.
413
00:48:39,782 --> 00:48:43,544
So, I assume
that he would crap soul residue.
414
00:48:43,615 --> 00:48:47,513
By that, I would mean
that if you die from his mouth,
415
00:48:47,582 --> 00:48:50,571
you don't go to the other side
where the souls go.
416
00:48:50,648 --> 00:48:55,739
He digests souls
until they don't exist anymore.
417
00:48:55,814 --> 00:48:59,644
And you're just so much
toilet water decoration.
418
00:48:59,714 --> 00:49:02,078
And speaking of toilets...
419
00:49:02,147 --> 00:49:05,602
This is how I figured
that whole thing out.
420
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:09,708
He's just like anybody else
when it comes to taking a dump.
421
00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:12,269
He wants a nice,
clean place with a flush.
422
00:49:12,347 --> 00:49:14,176
They didn't have that in his time.
423
00:49:38,045 --> 00:49:40,102
No, no.
Don't go out in the hall.
424
00:49:40,178 --> 00:49:43,974
- That's all right. I'm not asleep.
- That don't mean he won't hurt you.
425
00:49:44,044 --> 00:49:47,602
"He" my ass. There isn't
any mummy from Egypt.
426
00:49:51,643 --> 00:49:53,700
Nice knowin' you, Elvis.
427
00:52:15,568 --> 00:52:16,726
Asshole.
428
00:53:24,063 --> 00:53:27,392
Kemosabe was dead of a ruptured heart
before he hit the floor
429
00:53:30,196 --> 00:53:32,685
Gone down and out
with both guns blazing
430
00:53:33,396 --> 00:53:35,793
Soul intact
431
00:53:39,895 --> 00:53:42,156
Once again. We got scolded
432
00:53:44,227 --> 00:53:47,160
This time. We got quizzed about
what had happened to Kemosabe.
433
00:53:47,228 --> 00:53:49,626
But neither of us told the truth
434
00:53:51,228 --> 00:53:53,386
I mean. Who was gonna believe
a couple of nuts?
435
00:53:54,662 --> 00:53:56,491
Elvis and Jack Kennedy explaining
436
00:53:56,562 --> 00:53:59,618
that Kemosabe was gunning
fora mummy in cowboy duds?
437
00:53:59,694 --> 00:54:02,353
Some kind of Bubba Ho-Tep?
438
00:54:03,626 --> 00:54:05,024
So. What we did was
439
00:54:06,561 --> 00:54:07,719
we lied
440
00:54:52,124 --> 00:54:53,953
Life sure is fleetin', you know?
441
00:54:54,023 --> 00:54:57,353
- What?
- Life. I'm saying it's fleetin'.
442
00:54:57,423 --> 00:55:00,083
One minute you're here,
and the next minute you're gone...
443
00:55:01,956 --> 00:55:04,115
Shit! Shit! Come on!
444
00:55:06,056 --> 00:55:08,386
Come on. Move it!
Come on. Get it!
445
00:55:12,589 --> 00:55:14,248
Nonchalant. Nonchalant.
446
00:55:14,321 --> 00:55:15,379
Nonchalant.
447
00:55:16,422 --> 00:55:17,581
Get it in there.
448
00:55:19,923 --> 00:55:21,752
You are one fuckin' idiot.
449
00:55:49,921 --> 00:55:51,079
Mr. Haff?
450
00:55:53,753 --> 00:55:55,480
Mr. Presley?
451
00:55:59,920 --> 00:56:03,249
Now, how, Mr. Presley.
452
00:56:03,319 --> 00:56:08,047
You are looking much stronger,
but you shouldn't be out here too long.
453
00:56:08,119 --> 00:56:09,880
It's time for your nap.
454
00:56:09,952 --> 00:56:14,475
And it's also time for us to do
that little... you know.
455
00:56:14,552 --> 00:56:16,677
You fuck off,
you patronizing bitch!
456
00:56:18,418 --> 00:56:22,406
I'm sick of your shit! I'll lube
my own crankshaft from now on.
457
00:56:24,784 --> 00:56:26,273
You treat me like a baby again,
458
00:56:26,351 --> 00:56:29,009
I'll wrap this goddamn walker
right around your head!
459
00:57:02,948 --> 00:57:04,880
How in the hell
did that mummy do that?
460
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:38,009
Well... what the hell.
461
00:58:24,643 --> 00:58:26,575
Where did old Bubba Ho-Tep go?
462
00:58:28,209 --> 00:58:29,698
Where did he come from?
463
00:58:31,643 --> 00:58:33,370
How the hell did he get here?
464
00:58:37,308 --> 00:58:38,639
Wait a minute.
465
00:58:59,073 --> 00:59:01,562
Under the bridge
I saw him under the bridge
466
00:59:35,572 --> 00:59:36,730
Come on, mama.
467
01:00:09,069 --> 01:00:10,228
It's a cancer
468
01:00:11,102 --> 01:00:14,535
They're keepin' it from me 'cause I'm old.
And to them. It don't matter
469
01:00:14,601 --> 01:00:17,261
They think age will kill me first.
And they're probably right
470
01:00:17,335 --> 01:00:18,494
We, suck them
471
01:00:19,501 --> 01:00:21,558
I know what it is And if it isn't
472
01:00:21,635 --> 01:00:22,965
it might as well be
473
01:01:20,865 --> 01:01:26,854
Station KROP is proud to present
the Elvis Presley movie marathon
474
01:01:30,764 --> 01:01:35,253
It's 24 hours of Elvis
in the roles he made famous
475
01:01:35,330 --> 01:01:39,591
Watch that two-fisted Hound Dog
out-strum. Outrace.
476
01:01:39,663 --> 01:01:42,992
Out-fight. And outwit the bad guys
477
01:01:44,230 --> 01:01:49,490
And at the same time.
Watch the King slay the girls
478
01:01:52,862 --> 01:01:54,260
Shitty pictures, man.
479
01:01:55,329 --> 01:01:56,658
Every single one.
480
01:01:59,694 --> 01:02:03,183
Here I was complainin' about
loss of pride and how life had treated me.
481
01:02:03,262 --> 01:02:06,694
And now I realized
I never had any pride
482
01:02:06,761 --> 01:02:09,091
And much of how life
had treated me had been good
483
01:02:09,162 --> 01:02:11,491
The bulk of the bad
was my own damn fault
484
01:02:12,894 --> 01:02:16,224
Should've fired Colonel Parker
by the time I got in the pictures
485
01:02:16,294 --> 01:02:18,021
Old fart had been a shark and a fool.
486
01:02:18,094 --> 01:02:20,424
And I was an even bigger fool
for following him
487
01:02:21,794 --> 01:02:23,783
If only I'd treated Priscilla right
488
01:02:25,261 --> 01:02:27,386
If I could've told
my daughter I loved her
489
01:02:28,860 --> 01:02:31,690
Always the questions
Never the answers
490
01:02:31,759 --> 01:02:35,248
Always the hopes
never the fulfillments
491
01:02:42,193 --> 01:02:45,920
I had the woman who calls herself
my niece come get me.
492
01:02:45,993 --> 01:02:49,152
She took me downtown this morning
to the newspaper morgue.
493
01:02:49,225 --> 01:02:51,690
She's been helping me
to do some research.
494
01:02:52,626 --> 01:02:55,455
- Research on what, man?
- On our mummy.
495
01:02:55,525 --> 01:02:57,185
You know somethin' about him?
496
01:02:57,258 --> 01:02:59,316
I know plenty.
497
01:03:01,724 --> 01:03:05,122
Now, one of the lesser mummies,
498
01:03:05,191 --> 01:03:07,783
on loan from the Egyptian government,
499
01:03:07,857 --> 01:03:10,914
was being circulated
all over the United States.
500
01:03:10,991 --> 01:03:12,547
You know, museums,
stuff like that.
501
01:03:12,624 --> 01:03:14,646
What do you mean?
Like King Tut or whatever?
502
01:03:14,723 --> 01:03:16,519
No, more like King Tut's brother.
503
01:03:16,589 --> 01:03:20,954
His mummy was flown or carried
by the train from state to state.
504
01:03:21,022 --> 01:03:23,614
When it got to Texas,
it was stolen.
505
01:03:23,689 --> 01:03:24,677
Stolen?
506
01:03:24,756 --> 01:03:29,518
Evidence points to it being stolen at night
by a couple of guys in a silver bus.
507
01:03:29,589 --> 01:03:32,316
Bus? Hey, I've seen that!
508
01:03:32,389 --> 01:03:34,617
Anyway, the thieves
broke into the museum,
509
01:03:34,687 --> 01:03:37,621
stole it in hopes of a ransom,
510
01:03:37,689 --> 01:03:42,552
when in comes the worst storm
in East Texas history.
511
01:03:43,522 --> 01:03:44,613
Let me guess.
512
01:03:45,588 --> 01:03:47,577
The bus was washed away, see?
513
01:03:47,654 --> 01:03:50,814
'Cause I think I saw it today.
It was way back in the creek.
514
01:03:50,888 --> 01:03:53,718
The mummy was imprisoned
by the debris.
515
01:03:54,622 --> 01:03:56,678
Look here...
how'd it come back to life?
516
01:03:56,754 --> 01:03:59,152
And how did I end up
inside its memories?
517
01:03:59,221 --> 01:04:02,050
Speculation broadens here,
but from what I've read,
518
01:04:02,120 --> 01:04:04,950
some mummies get buried
without their names...
519
01:04:05,020 --> 01:04:07,316
a curse put on their sarcophagus.
520
01:04:08,620 --> 01:04:11,677
Hey, now, maybe our boy's
one of them.
521
01:04:11,753 --> 01:04:15,913
I mean, when he's in the coffin,
he's just a dried-up old corpse,
522
01:04:15,987 --> 01:04:19,214
but when the bus got washed away,
maybe it overturned or broke open,
523
01:04:19,286 --> 01:04:21,275
and now he's free of coffin and curse.
524
01:04:21,353 --> 01:04:25,717
He's free from imprisonment,
but he still needs souls.
525
01:04:26,353 --> 01:04:27,682
Now he's free to have them.
526
01:04:27,751 --> 01:04:31,945
He can just keep on feedin'
unless he's finally destroyed.
527
01:04:34,785 --> 01:04:36,274
So, what do we do, Jack?
528
01:04:37,619 --> 01:04:40,413
Changing rest homes
might be a good idea.
529
01:04:40,484 --> 01:04:42,109
I can't think of much else.
530
01:04:42,184 --> 01:04:44,173
But I will say this...
531
01:04:44,251 --> 01:04:47,911
Our mummy is
a nighttime kind of guy.
532
01:04:47,985 --> 01:04:51,178
So, I'm gonna go and sleep now.
533
01:04:51,251 --> 01:04:53,614
I'll set my alarm
for just before dark,
534
01:04:53,683 --> 01:04:56,309
then I can get myself
a couple of cups of coffee.
535
01:04:56,983 --> 01:04:58,244
Damn straight.
536
01:04:58,316 --> 01:05:02,043
If he comes in here tonight, I don't
want him slappin' his lips on my asshole.
537
01:05:02,116 --> 01:05:04,480
Yes. Consider it.
538
01:05:05,483 --> 01:05:10,210
He's got the proverbial
bird's nest on the ground here.
539
01:05:28,915 --> 01:05:31,846
What do I really have
left in life but this place?
540
01:05:36,415 --> 01:05:38,142
It ain't much of a home
541
01:05:39,314 --> 01:05:40,870
but it's all I got
542
01:05:46,213 --> 01:05:47,611
Well, goddamnit.
543
01:05:48,946 --> 01:05:54,004
I'll be damned if I let some foreign,
graffiti-writin', soul-suckin',
544
01:05:54,079 --> 01:05:57,409
son of a bitch in an oversized
cowboy hat and boots
545
01:05:57,479 --> 01:06:01,309
take my friends' souls and shit 'em
down the visitors toilet!
546
01:06:07,413 --> 01:06:10,242
In the movies.
I always played heroic types
547
01:06:10,311 --> 01:06:11,742
But when the stage lights went out.
548
01:06:11,811 --> 01:06:15,471
It was time for drugs and stupidity
and the coveting of women
549
01:06:16,245 --> 01:06:18,007
Now it's time
550
01:06:18,079 --> 01:06:21,805
Time to be a little of what I
had always fantasized bein'...
551
01:06:21,878 --> 01:06:23,208
a hero
552
01:06:35,610 --> 01:06:36,668
Hello?
553
01:06:37,410 --> 01:06:39,377
Mr. Kennedy?
554
01:06:39,444 --> 01:06:41,705
Ask not what your rest home
can do for you.
555
01:06:42,743 --> 01:06:45,106
Ask what you can do
for your rest home.
556
01:06:45,176 --> 01:06:48,835
Hey, you're copying my best lines.
557
01:06:48,909 --> 01:06:51,171
Then let me paraphrase
one of my own.
558
01:06:52,109 --> 01:06:54,098
Let's take care of business.
559
01:06:54,642 --> 01:06:57,506
Just what are you
getting at, Elvis?
560
01:06:57,575 --> 01:06:59,768
I think you know
what I'm gettin' at, Mr. President.
561
01:07:01,307 --> 01:07:02,797
We're gonna kill us a mummy.
562
01:07:15,708 --> 01:07:18,105
Two bottles of rubbing alcohol.
563
01:07:19,241 --> 01:07:21,866
Check.
Don't even have to toss 'em.
564
01:07:21,940 --> 01:07:23,429
Look here.
565
01:07:23,507 --> 01:07:25,939
Found this in the storage room.
566
01:07:26,707 --> 01:07:28,037
I thought they kept it locked.
567
01:07:28,107 --> 01:07:30,901
They do. I stole a hairpin
and picked the lock, baby.
568
01:07:30,973 --> 01:07:32,269
Great.
569
01:07:32,340 --> 01:07:33,431
Matches.
570
01:07:34,206 --> 01:07:36,865
Check. Even scrounged up
a cigarette lighter.
571
01:07:37,973 --> 01:07:40,438
Good. Uniform.
572
01:07:45,205 --> 01:07:47,034
Big check on that, baby.
573
01:07:48,472 --> 01:07:53,631
Well, I got a nice pair of shoes
to go with this.
574
01:07:53,705 --> 01:07:54,762
Check.
575
01:07:56,805 --> 01:07:57,964
Scissors.
576
01:07:58,037 --> 01:07:59,264
Check.
577
01:08:00,471 --> 01:08:01,528
All right.
578
01:08:01,605 --> 01:08:04,968
Now, I got my chair
oiled and ready to roll.
579
01:08:05,570 --> 01:08:07,593
That's good, man.
We could use some wheels.
580
01:08:07,670 --> 01:08:11,500
And I picked some words of power
from my book of magic.
581
01:08:11,570 --> 01:08:13,298
I don't know
if they'll stop a mummy,
582
01:08:13,371 --> 01:08:15,699
but they're supposed
to ward off evil.
583
01:08:16,370 --> 01:08:19,268
I wrote them down.
One for each of us.
584
01:08:19,337 --> 01:08:21,326
Well, we'll use what we got, baby.
585
01:08:22,202 --> 01:08:24,668
All right, 2:45 a.m.,
we hook up right back here.
586
01:08:24,736 --> 01:08:28,997
No, at the rate we travel,
maybe we ought to start at 2:30.
587
01:08:31,803 --> 01:08:32,859
Say, Jack?
588
01:08:34,969 --> 01:08:36,629
Do we know
what the hell we're doin', man?
589
01:08:37,802 --> 01:08:42,666
No. But they say
that fire cleanses evil.
590
01:08:42,735 --> 01:08:46,326
Let's just hope that they...
whoever they are... is right.
591
01:08:46,402 --> 01:08:47,958
Check on that, too.
592
01:08:48,033 --> 01:08:49,591
All right, synchronize watches.
593
01:08:49,668 --> 01:08:52,895
And... mark.
594
01:08:53,867 --> 01:08:58,697
Now, the two key words for tonight
are "caution" and "flammable."
595
01:08:58,767 --> 01:09:02,256
And also...
"watch your ass."
596
01:10:11,094 --> 01:10:12,994
What's that you got
hanging around your neck?
597
01:10:14,261 --> 01:10:16,023
That's my medicine bag.
598
01:10:16,095 --> 01:10:18,027
Indians used to wear 'em into battle.
599
01:10:19,162 --> 01:10:21,128
Full of all kinds of lucky stuff.
600
01:10:22,261 --> 01:10:25,319
See here? Mucho mojo.
601
01:10:33,261 --> 01:10:34,420
That's my daughter.
602
01:10:37,694 --> 01:10:39,091
I know.
603
01:10:41,761 --> 01:10:45,318
We weren't there for our kids
when they needed us, were we?
604
01:10:48,560 --> 01:10:50,549
Man, if I could just talk to her again...
605
01:10:51,826 --> 01:10:52,985
tell her I love her...
606
01:10:54,426 --> 01:10:56,483
try and make things right somehow.
607
01:10:57,725 --> 01:10:59,715
No time for regrets, Elvis.
608
01:10:59,793 --> 01:11:02,986
We were the best fathers we could be
under the circumstances.
609
01:11:05,226 --> 01:11:07,384
Yeah, I guess,
no time for regrets.
610
01:11:08,725 --> 01:11:10,385
We got business to take care of.
611
01:11:10,459 --> 01:11:13,151
Look here.
Top it off with this.
612
01:11:13,225 --> 01:11:15,555
I stole it from the gardener
when he wasn't lookin'.
613
01:11:20,491 --> 01:11:23,253
It's gonna be
one hell of a barbeque.
614
01:11:33,124 --> 01:11:34,521
Let's do it, amigo.
615
01:11:39,289 --> 01:11:40,347
Hey, Jack?
616
01:11:44,390 --> 01:11:45,946
I just got one last question.
617
01:11:48,223 --> 01:11:49,279
Marilyn.
618
01:11:52,455 --> 01:11:54,785
Come on, man.
Marilyn Monroe?
619
01:11:55,689 --> 01:11:57,678
What was she like in the sack?
620
01:11:58,655 --> 01:12:01,815
That is classified information.
Top secret!
621
01:12:03,389 --> 01:12:05,048
But between you and me...
622
01:12:06,122 --> 01:12:07,281
Wow!
623
01:12:11,554 --> 01:12:13,645
You old dog.
Watch your back, Jack.
624
01:12:19,353 --> 01:12:20,513
Gotta hump it.
625
01:13:11,751 --> 01:13:15,615
Shit when Bubba Ho-Tep
comes out of that creek bed.
626
01:13:15,684 --> 01:13:17,740
He's gonna come out hungry and pissed
627
01:13:17,815 --> 01:13:20,476
When I try and stop him. He's gonna
jam this paint can up my ass
628
01:13:20,550 --> 01:13:22,879
and jam me and that wheelchair up Jack's ass
629
01:14:06,947 --> 01:14:08,503
Shit.
630
01:14:16,380 --> 01:14:17,573
Hey, Jack.
631
01:15:32,241 --> 01:15:34,070
Don't make me use
my stuff on you, baby.
632
01:16:17,604 --> 01:16:20,162
Damn!
Where did he go to?
633
01:16:22,938 --> 01:16:24,733
Hey! You stay put!
634
01:16:25,437 --> 01:16:26,767
I'll flush him out!
635
01:16:29,504 --> 01:16:31,095
You be careful, man.
636
01:16:39,637 --> 01:16:40,624
No, Jack!
637
01:17:12,835 --> 01:17:13,892
Oh, man.
638
01:17:50,631 --> 01:17:54,291
Come and get it,
you undead sack of shit.
639
01:18:19,797 --> 01:18:20,955
Sorry, man.
640
01:18:49,862 --> 01:18:51,020
Mr. Kennedy?
641
01:18:57,527 --> 01:19:01,959
The President is soon dead.
642
01:19:06,494 --> 01:19:12,187
So, now...
it's up to you, Elvis.
643
01:19:12,259 --> 01:19:14,691
You got to get him.
644
01:19:14,760 --> 01:19:18,987
You... got to...
645
01:19:19,059 --> 01:19:20,888
take care of business.
646
01:19:37,790 --> 01:19:38,950
That's right, man.
647
01:19:40,757 --> 01:19:42,246
T.C.B...
648
01:19:44,523 --> 01:19:45,853
It's just you and me.
649
01:20:04,823 --> 01:20:05,982
Mr. President.
650
01:20:26,888 --> 01:20:30,285
"You nasty thing
from beyond the dead...
651
01:20:31,455 --> 01:20:36,615
"No matter what you think or do,
good things will never come to you.
652
01:20:39,921 --> 01:20:43,115
"And if evil
is your black design,
653
01:20:43,188 --> 01:20:47,846
"you can bet the goodness
of the Light Ones...
654
01:20:47,920 --> 01:20:51,045
will kick your bad behind"?
655
01:20:52,086 --> 01:20:53,746
For chrissake...
656
01:20:53,819 --> 01:20:54,979
That's it?
657
01:20:57,052 --> 01:20:59,951
That's the chant against evil
from the Book Of Souls?
658
01:21:00,020 --> 01:21:01,280
Yeah, right, boss.
659
01:21:01,353 --> 01:21:03,841
And what kind of decoder ring
comes with that, man?
660
01:21:03,918 --> 01:21:06,215
Shit, it doesn't even rhyme well!
661
01:21:33,950 --> 01:21:35,348
This is dog shit.
662
01:21:40,217 --> 01:21:42,944
It's time for A-C-T-I-O-N.
663
01:21:45,150 --> 01:21:47,308
Come on, baby.
Here we go.
664
01:23:05,578 --> 01:23:06,975
I was goin' out
665
01:23:07,744 --> 01:23:10,675
And if I did. Not only would I be
one dead son of a bitch.
666
01:23:10,742 --> 01:23:11,903
But so would my soul
667
01:23:12,910 --> 01:23:14,740
I'd be just so much crap
668
01:23:16,077 --> 01:23:19,338
No afterlife. No reincarnation.
No angels with harps
669
01:23:20,077 --> 01:23:22,634
Whatever lay beyond would not be known to me
670
01:23:23,310 --> 01:23:26,036
It would all end right here
for Elvis Aaron Presley
671
01:23:26,710 --> 01:23:28,767
Nothin' left but a quick flush
672
01:23:32,975 --> 01:23:34,463
T.C.B., baby.
673
01:23:43,742 --> 01:23:46,867
Your soul-suckin' days are over, amigo.
674
01:24:44,138 --> 01:24:47,534
I felt somethin' inside
gratin' against somethin' soft
675
01:24:48,571 --> 01:24:51,502
I felt like a water balloon
with a hole poked in it
676
01:24:54,302 --> 01:24:56,462
I was goin' down for the last count
677
01:24:57,568 --> 01:24:58,729
And I knew it
678
01:25:01,170 --> 01:25:02,999
But I still have my soul.
679
01:25:05,170 --> 01:25:06,567
It's still mine.
680
01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:09,500
All mine.
681
01:25:14,036 --> 01:25:17,297
And the folks up there at Shady Rest...
682
01:25:19,335 --> 01:25:20,825
they have theirs, too.
683
01:25:22,469 --> 01:25:23,957
And they're gonna keep 'em.
684
01:25:25,835 --> 01:25:27,324
Every single one.
685
01:25:56,066 --> 01:25:57,226
Thank you.
686
01:25:59,999 --> 01:26:01,828
Thank you very much.
53144
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