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1
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:08,960
Hello, Mrs Larkin.
2
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,280
What do you want?
3
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,760
There are things going on...
4
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,000
..which you should know about.
5
00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,679
How many sherries did you have?
6
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,999
You never ask a lady that.
7
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,120
Ten.
8
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:34,359
This is very sensitive information,
off the record,
9
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,240
and for your ears only.
10
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:46,600
Obviously, my husband Alec...
Yeah.
11
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:48,720
..is an idiot.
12
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:55,200
He has some sterling qualities,
can't remember what they are...
13
00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:01,200
..but he's fallen under the spell
of the Jerebohms...
14
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,960
..especially the pink one.
15
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,400
So, what's happened?
16
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,639
The Jerebohms bribed,
17
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,000
then blackmailed about the bribe...
18
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:22,360
..the magistrate Sprague,
whom Alec knows from the Masons.
19
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:24,880
Lovely wife.
20
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,640
Your husband never stood a chance.
21
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:40,159
So, how are we gonna prove it
and get Pop out of jail?
22
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,320
No idea...
23
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,800
..but this is off the record
and for your ears only.
24
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,600
You jump into bed with a man...
25
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,199
..and 30 years later,
26
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,440
you realise
it was probably the wrong man.
27
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,359
Primrose, Your Grace.
28
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,199
That's actually more
for archbishops, but thank you.
29
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,279
Hello, Pauline.
30
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,879
I'll have a cider
and a pint of Browns, please.
31
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,399
No, I'll pay.
I'm a fiercely modern woman.
32
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,919
Rotten news about your dad.
Yes.
33
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,399
Though, there are new developments
that I can't talk about.
34
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,119
Oh, yeah?
Well, my copper will be pleased.
35
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,320
Told him he's not getting any
till he helps spring Pop.
36
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:37,519
So this is cosy, you two.
37
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,000
Yes, I'm a lucky man.
So there is a God.
38
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,679
I mean, I know there is...
Mm-hm.
39
00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,640
..but He has manifested His...
40
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,040
You know what I'm saying.
Thank you
41
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,000
Miss Larkin.
42
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,879
So, what do you think
of Primrose's new fella, then?
43
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,559
Yeah, he's nice.
44
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,719
He's very nice.
Yeah, he is very nice.
45
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,319
Actually, Reverend Candy'd
be a lovely friend for you, Charley.
46
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,599
Hm? Come to think of it,
you're not great at making friends.
47
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,119
You haven't got any apart from us.
48
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,759
Yeah, well, Pauline was my friend,
49
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,359
but you stamped on that
pretty quickly.
50
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,759
Male friends.
You could fish together...
51
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,839
What?
..or whatever men do. Compare beers.
52
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,919
I'll be too busy
setting up our future. Aw.
53
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,879
I need a job, and we need a home
before the baby comes.
54
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,719
And what's wrong
with staying in the house?
55
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,839
There are 11 people in there.
56
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,799
There was a queue for the lavatory
at three in the morning.
57
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,320
Without Dad,
the house feels positively empty.
58
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:02,199
I know. I miss it being
just you and me together.
59
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,600
Well, what would you think
about us moving into the barn?
60
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:07,720
Are you mad?
61
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,839
There were three magistrates.
How is it Sprague has all the power?
62
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,199
A pack leader always emerges.
63
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,559
We're no more sophisticated
than dogs, really.
64
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,679
So, how can we expose him?
65
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:25,280
Er, pressure could be applied
via Alec Norman...
66
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,479
..but I suspect Sprague
has his number.
67
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,519
But the magistrate
must be terrified of being exposed.
68
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,079
Wouldn't that force his hand?
69
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:36,799
Some people are very good
at brazening out difficulties.
70
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:37,839
In fact, I am.
71
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:42,439
He... He's invested
in the lie he helped to create,
72
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:46,679
so he must be presented
with incontrovertible evidence
73
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,400
that he won't get away with this.
74
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:50,879
But be warned...
75
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:55,040
an animal is never as dangerous
as when it's being hunted.
76
00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:01,320
So, I'm off for a swim.
77
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,599
Morning, Constable.
I need your help.
78
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:17,679
Is this to do with Pop?
79
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,199
No, it's to do with road safety
in the village.
80
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,639
Ah, well, I share your concern,
and I think...
81
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,480
Yes, it's to do with Pop!
82
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,599
Have you got
any covert recording equipment
83
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,079
here at the station
and experience of using it?
84
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,439
Yes and no.
85
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,439
That'll have to do.
We need to use it to get Pop off.
86
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,159
I am desperate to get Pop off.
87
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,239
Oh, Pauline's still withdrawing
sexual favours till you do?
88
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,039
That is correct, yeah.
89
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,679
That's both of us going without,
then.
90
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,160
FLY BUZZES
91
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,519
She is a very alluring woman,
Mrs Larkin,
92
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,479
and quite frankly, it is killing me.
93
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,759
Then dig out
your miniature microphone
94
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,520
or whatever you've got,
and let's sort this out.
95
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,960
B-B-B-Baby,
baby, baby. B-B-B-Baby, baby, baby.
96
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:12,520
Did you find an egg, Oscar?
Well done.
97
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,439
Come on, girls.
You can do it.
98
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,360
Come on, Phil, we're winning.
99
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,000
Aww!
Wait!
100
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,319
Oh,
our first proper home of our own!
101
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,680
Mm.
HE EXHALES
102
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,159
Do you know what?
103
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,799
I don't ever wanna live
anywhere else.
104
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:55,119
Nor do I.
Are you all right?
105
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,519
You're not too tired
or nauseous or... No.
106
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,439
..or craving pickles?
No!
107
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,639
Why do people treat us like...?
108
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,000
Oh, actually, I'd love some.
Do you mind?
109
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,400
And something rubber to suck.
110
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,240
PHONE RINGS
111
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,839
Littlechurch 251.
112
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,879
Hello, Norma.
Oh... hello.
113
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,159
Thank you
for coming round last night.
114
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,879
Just... don't exploit my honesty.
115
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,119
Well, I'm not gonna ask you
116
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,479
to incriminate yourself or Alec,
but I do need...
117
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,879
I told you...
I can't help you any more.
118
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,600
'I'm afraid you're gonna have to.'
119
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,879
The Jerebohms are on their guard,
120
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,519
and they're not gonna
incriminate that vile magistrate
121
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,640
unless it's to someone
who's in on it.
122
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,959
Do you really want Pinkie
to get away with this?
123
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,040
I don't.
124
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,879
It's like living with Goebbels.
125
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,359
I just don't see why
on top of doing your pastoral work,
126
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,999
I should do
all the tidying and cleaning.
127
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,479
So, don't do any!
128
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,440
I'll die of dysentery
if one of us doesn't.
129
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,919
But I wouldn't mind that
if you were... pleasant.
130
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,119
It's typical of your generation
to be holier than thou.
131
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,200
Oh! Oh, well, at least one of us
is being holy!
132
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,999
I thought that as we now share
some big secrets,
133
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,240
it would be super if we were pals.
134
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,879
Anyway, thanks for helping us
put Pop Larkin away.
135
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:46,640
Mm, well,
I naively assumed he was guilty.
136
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:53,039
Are you still on a diet, or could
you tackle a slice of mille feuille?
137
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,559
Oh, I'm fine, thank you.
Or some punschkrapfen?
138
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:59,319
It's from the continental patisserie
in Dymchurch.
139
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,680
Oh, no.
140
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,560
MICROPHONE SCREECHES
141
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,239
'Was it your idea
or Mr Jerebohm's,
142
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,159
'how to catch Larkin out?
143
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,319
'Mine.
Mr Jerebohm's really quite dozy.'
144
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,039
THEY LAUGH
145
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:24,919
But, er, are you sure nobody knows
you've bought off Major Sprague?
146
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:28,880
Yes, and as long as everyone
keeps quiet, it'll fade away.
147
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,719
And you and your husband are both...
148
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,039
used to this sort of ruse,
obviously. Mm.
149
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,080
STATIC CRACKLES
What's that crackling noise?
150
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,280
Static electricity.
151
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:49,079
I'm breaking in
some new Bri-Nylon underwear.
152
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:53,559
So, Major Sprague
is all taken care of?
153
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,799
Oh, can we not talk about him?
154
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,599
He's just a greedy, old buffer
with as much interest in justice
155
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,559
as I have in making jam, thankfully.
156
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,040
THEY LAUGH
157
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:06,079
But did you have to pay
Major Sprague a lot, Mrs Jerebohm?
158
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,359
Cheap at the price, dear.
159
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,840
OBJECT THUMPS
160
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:12,920
What was that?
161
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:15,840
What's going on?
162
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,400
Hot water boiler.
163
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:23,320
Are you sure I can't tempt you
with some punschkrapfen...
164
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:25,720
..or a bomboloni?
165
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,080
Oh!
166
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,719
Ah, Dean.
167
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,559
Afternoon, Vicar. Busy?
168
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,959
Frantically, hence my need for...
an emergency nap.
169
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,919
Hm, and how is your co-tenancy
with Reverend Candy going?
170
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,119
He's a nightmare.
171
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,359
He has to go. It's either him or me.
172
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,999
Now, I heard he was hard-working
and popular,
173
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,919
whereas you remain lazy,
drink too much, live in squalor
174
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,919
and recently conducted a mass
christening in a swimming pool...
175
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,719
Exactly. Does that sound lazy?
176
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,479
..which descended into farce
when geese attacked.
177
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,920
You left out half the service,
and someone nearly drowned.
178
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,880
You could learn a lot
from Reverend Candy.
179
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,999
All right, please yourself.
I withdraw my him-or-me ultimatum.
180
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,519
It's too late for that.
181
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,399
We're moving you on to a parish
182
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,879
where you'll rediscover
your sense of purpose.
183
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,919
What? No! Where?
184
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:35,559
Either St Grimbald's in Millwall
or St Jimmy's in Chatham Docks.
185
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:39,720
You must be bloody joking.
You'll need to move out in a week.
186
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,799
So, this is the bed.
187
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:07,159
And then over here, we've got
a really, really cosy sofa.
188
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,919
Oh, and this makes a stylish sink.
It's a bucket.
189
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,879
Straw has been scientifically proven
to be one of the best
190
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,039
bedding and insulation materials,
interestingly.
191
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:20,239
Interestingly?
But we like having you in the house.
192
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,439
There'll be more room when Angela
and... old Mr Pastry leave.
193
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,599
Oh, I know, but we wanted
a place of our own anyway.
194
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,919
Mariette needs her sleep
now the baby's coming,
195
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,479
and she is snoring more now,
which will wake the house.
196
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,279
Apparently it's caused by
the extra fat of the soft tissue
197
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,959
around her neck.
198
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,239
It's in the pregnancy book.
199
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,959
Dad wouldn't want you to leave.
200
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,799
Oh, come on. That's not fair.
201
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,559
We are 50 feet away
from the house!
202
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,759
HORSE WHINNIES
Easy, Biscuit.
203
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,519
Lodger?
No, no. She is not staying.
204
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,039
She used to live here,
so we had to invite her.
205
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,999
Primrose'll be next,
off to shack up with her bloke.
206
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,839
We've only been together
for a few weeks.
207
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,399
You don't "shack up" with a Rev.
208
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,359
That's true.
You have to get married.
209
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,439
You would, though, wouldn't you?
God, yes, I love him so much.
210
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,639
What does "shack up" mean?
I don't know.
211
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,959
We will be sorting
all Larkin couples out
212
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,679
with a proper house
when things get back to normal,
213
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:12,839
assuming they will.
214
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:14,680
CAR DOOR CLOSES
215
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,840
Did it work?
The Jerebohms...
216
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,719
..dead in the water!
217
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,159
Oh!
Ah, brilliant.
218
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,399
It worked!
He's taped it.
219
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,839
We've been here before,
and it got us nowhere,
220
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,160
so let's just, erm...
221
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:33,960
Let's just see what happens,
shall we?
222
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,920
HE WHISTLES
223
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,040
# All things bright and beaut... #
224
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:49,800
..ifully tidy.
225
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,080
Hello, what's going on?
226
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,319
The Dean stopped by.
227
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,480
He says it's you or me.
228
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,560
He wants me to move out
and leave you the parish.
229
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,600
I had no idea.
230
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,119
Castrated and shipped out
like a sacrificial stag.
231
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,479
I promise
I didn't ask the Dean to do this.
232
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,280
But I still have to go.
233
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,240
Unless you do the decent thing
and leave first.
234
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,079
But...
235
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,000
I have reasons to stay here, too.
236
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,840
CHICKENS SQUAWKS
237
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,520
MARIETTE SNORES
238
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,919
Eurgh! Ah! Ah!
239
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,759
Ah! Oh, no!
240
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,760
Ahhh! Ah, what...
Oh, no.
241
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,159
Oh! Ah!
242
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,399
What's going on?
Huh!
243
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,200
Look, there are a few drawbacks
to our new future home.
244
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,279
Well, at least for me.
245
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,119
Yeah,
the bugs are used to us Larkins.
246
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,999
Give them a while.
They'll get bored with you.
247
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,039
Oh, no, I can't wait that long.
248
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,999
I am going to find something
to kill them.
249
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,480
Ah, eurgh!
250
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:58,960
Ow!
251
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,599
What the devil is this?
252
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,159
You'll remember me
from previous visits
253
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,280
regarding Mr Sidney Larkin and...
254
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,159
Are you all right, Sir John?
255
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,840
Yes, fine. Thank you.
256
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:14,639
Can I have a policeman in here,
please?
257
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,359
Good idea. He can listen in
to this as evidence.
258
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,359
You'll remember the story so far.
259
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,439
You turned down our request
260
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,239
to overturn
Mr Larkin's outrageous sentence.
261
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:30,399
And dismissed as inadmissible
a good quantity of solid argument.
262
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,559
You will not do the same today
with our new ad hominem evidence.
263
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,959
SIR JOHN CHUCKLES
264
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:41,359
This is Sir John Snow QC, so
he deals personally with the Queen.
265
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,400
Hm?
266
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,279
'He's just a greedy,
old buffer with as much interest
267
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,920
'in justice as I have in making jam,
thankfully.'
268
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:53,799
'But did you have
269
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,959
'to pay Major Sprague a lot,
Mrs Jerebohm?
270
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,439
'Cheap at the price, dear.'
271
00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,959
You can go.
272
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,080
GO!
273
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,359
All right. Stop the tape.
274
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:10,079
So, the only question now is do we
drag you through the courts?
275
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,079
Or do you resign immediately
276
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:15,120
and release Mr Larkin
with a full pardon?
277
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,479
Ha-ha-ha.
SIR JOHN LAUGHS
278
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,080
Do you really think we'd bring
the only tape without making a copy?
279
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:38,000
I need you to telephone whoever will
get my husband out of prison NOW!
280
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,679
Did we have a copy?
What do you think, Daddy?
281
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,040
Oh, we had one!
282
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,680
Oh!
283
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:02,719
Thanks, Charley.
284
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,799
Yes, well,
I think we are winning the battle
285
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,240
to create an environment
safe for a pregnant woman and me.
286
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,360
Mainly me.
287
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:17,319
Has it lost a bit of its charm?
Um... Yes, it has.
288
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,320
Sorry.
289
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,119
CHICKEN SQUAWKS
290
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,639
HE LAUGHS
291
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,879
There.
It's not that. It's Dad.
292
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,999
Yeah, I know.
293
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,359
I'm worried. If he doesn't get out,
this'll change him.
294
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,680
Destroy his happy essence.
295
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,760
It's Ma.
She wanted to talk to you first.
296
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,560
Ma?
297
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,200
Thank you.
298
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,679
Pop's coming home.
299
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,679
What?
He's coming home!
300
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,599
What?
Oh, my God! Oh, my...
301
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,119
Guys, three cheers for
the British justice system!
302
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,480
Come on.
SHE CHUCKLES
303
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,719
He's free? He's free!
304
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,319
Yes!
Aww.
305
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,439
I told you
we were close to the house.
306
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,319
The telephone wire even
reaches out here!
307
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,039
What?
308
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,399
I'm going to celebrate with pickles.
Great news, Monty
309
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,599
DOOR CLANGS
310
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:19,639
Here he is!
311
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,759
THEY CHEER
AND APPLAUD
312
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,999
Well, I love you, too.
313
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,719
I've learnt so much in here.
It's been magical.
314
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,759
THEY LAUGH
315
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,879
See you soon, Pop.
Not in 'ere you won't.
316
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,559
Bless you. I feel like the Pope.
317
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,799
Mike, I've sealed up your tunnel.
Hope you don't mind.
318
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,039
Dave, good lad,
make sure this your last stretch.
319
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,359
Promise me, yeah?
320
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,679
Keith,
if you're ever in Littlechurch,
321
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,279
don't nick my car, all right?
322
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,799
THEY LAUGH
Good lad. See you, boys.
323
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:45,879
THEY CHEER
AND APPLAUD
324
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,280
All the best, Pop.
325
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,039
Thank you, Billy.
Be good, Pop.
326
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,160
Hello, Ma.
327
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,720
THEY SIGH
328
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,640
So, that's over.
Yeah. Come on.
329
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,160
You know what, Pop?
What's that, gorgeous?
330
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,239
I don't think
I've ever been happier.
331
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,759
Ah, me neither.
332
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,160
You got me out, though, Ma.
Nobody else could've.
333
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,239
So, what do you wanna do first,
love?
334
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,400
We could go round the Jerebohms,
give them what for.
335
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:44,039
No, let's save them
for tomorrow.
336
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,359
HE CHUCKLES
337
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:48,199
Or we could go up to the Downs.
338
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,199
Have a quiet moment before
you get home and the party starts.
339
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,120
Yeah, let's do that.
340
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,440
So...
341
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,320
What was it like in there, really?
342
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,880
The nights were very long
without you, Ma. Endless.
343
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,119
You're so special.
344
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:11,680
We all are.
345
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,240
It's a beautiful world.
346
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,039
BELL CHIMES
347
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,840
Ah, I love that sound. Read it out.
348
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,959
"Report by our special legal
correspondent Tulip McFarbley."
349
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,319
Ah, like it.
350
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,039
"Mr Sidney Larkin of Littlechurch
351
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,319
"was released from Fordington Prison
today on appeal
352
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,799
"and cleared of all wrongdoing."
353
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,080
Er, "any wrongdoing".
354
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,600
Shut up, it's fine.
355
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,079
"Chief Magistrate
Major Bertram Sprague..."
356
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,039
Satan!
String him up!
357
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,759
"..said new evidence
has come to light
358
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,559
"revealing a grave miscarriage
of justice,
359
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,119
"so we are pleased
to release Mr Larkin
360
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:57,800
"with our sincere apologies."
361
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,199
There's more.
No, I trust you.
362
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,399
I've started a long piece
about abuses and weaknesses
363
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,599
in the magistrature
with particular reference to...
364
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,879
One day, just relax now, Primrose,
all right?
365
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:10,919
Have some silly time.
366
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,960
Review some terrible am-dram.
Write about hedgerows.
367
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,680
Who's this who keeps appearing?
368
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,280
That's such good news!
369
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,599
Outside!
370
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,280
Revolting display.
371
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,920
Look, I'm sorry to be so dismal
on your happy day, but...
372
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,039
I feel I need to do
the decent thing, as the Vicar says,
373
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,519
and leave him to his church.
Right.
374
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,760
Except I can't bear
to leave the village...
375
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,119
..and leave you.
376
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:47,519
I can't bear it either.
377
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,199
But, I-I mean...
I mean, I understand if...
378
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,599
if you feel you must move on
379
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,640
and bring joy to another community.
380
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,400
Good. Then, erm...
381
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,200
I'll draft my resignation letter.
382
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,719
Well, obviously, I don't mean it!
Of course you must stay.
383
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,599
Thank God you said that.
He's a terrible vicar.
384
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,599
He is, isn't he?
And you're really good.
385
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:10,679
I am really, aren't I?
386
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:11,720
THEY LAUGH
387
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,439
I hate villages!
They're just underachieving towns.
388
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,239
GLASS SMASHES
389
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,680
HE LAUGHS
390
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,359
But you had to have the big house
in the country, didn't you?
391
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:30,959
And now you've blown our secrets
all over the place.
392
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,119
All right.
I may have talked to Norma Norman,
393
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,599
and the evil witch recorded it.
394
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,599
What's wrong
with the people down here?
395
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,120
Can't they see we're special?!
396
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,799
Stop looking at me like that,
you eerie children!
397
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,079
Well, those Larkins
are gonna come after us,
398
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,440
and they'll want our blood.
399
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,839
Then I suggest you have a plan ready
for dealing with them.
400
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,119
HE SCOFFS
401
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,160
Not your usual "let's hide".
402
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,239
Do you know anything
about this calamity?
403
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:06,559
Because it sounds like you do.
404
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,239
I'll answer that, Alec,
405
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,719
when you take that peevish tone
out of your voice.
406
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,119
Well, maybe it's peevish, perhaps
with a touch of incandescence
407
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,919
because we're up to our necks
in ordure, Norma.
408
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:22,199
Don't say ordure so close
to my face, please, Alec.
409
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,959
Poor Pinkie rang me in the office
in a right state.
410
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,999
Poor Pinkie?
411
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,679
She's a saint, frankly,
to put up with that husband of hers.
412
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,760
She's worth ten times him
on the open market.
413
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:36,920
Yes?
414
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:42,679
Oh, here they are.
415
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,399
Kent's finest and his moll.
All right, trouble?
416
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,279
You can talk. Welcome back, Pop!
417
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:51,119
Thank you. And I hear you had
your privileges withdrawn, son?
418
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,719
Yes, but they've recently
been restored.
419
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:54,839
I can see that.
420
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,759
Yeah, you've got grass stains
on your elbows there, Casanova.
421
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:01,120
THEY LAUGH
422
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:07,559
Mister Larkin, I apologise
for doubting you.
423
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,159
My, er, sister doggedly assumes
the worst in people.
424
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,800
And I'm rarely disappointed.
Take the Jerebohms.
425
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,679
I assume there'll be
some retribution.
426
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,359
We're all desperate to see them
thrown into chokey,
427
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:23,159
or maybe dragged along
behind a plough?
428
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,680
Oh, I'm sure
we'll think of something.
429
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,919
Primrose,
where's your dreamy Reverend?
430
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,279
The whole village is talking
about your liaison,
431
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:34,799
but not in a bitchy way.
432
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,879
He has urgent business
with the Vicar, I'm afraid.
433
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,519
Ah, yes, that's been fermenting.
434
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,199
One doesn't want to kick a work-shy
old parson when he's down.
435
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,279
No. Glass of wine?
436
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,640
No, thank you, it'll only end
with me in a wheelbarrow.
437
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,719
Mariette.
438
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:53,839
Pauline.
439
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,599
Oh, did you hear, Pauline?
Mariette's having a baby!
440
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,559
I did hear. Any idea who's it is?
441
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,439
Yeah, it's your boyfriend's.
442
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,279
I'm just going to...
443
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,679
Er, look, geese!
444
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,999
I was the man of the house
while you were away, Pop. He was.
445
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,039
That's my boy.
446
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,439
It was quite tiring.
You can be it again now.
447
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,239
Cheers.
448
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:17,239
Look at you all,
I don't deserve you.
449
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,399
But I've been away
for a few weeks now,
450
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,760
it's time for me and Ma
to go to bed.
451
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,879
I'm not trying to replace you!
It's the Dean's decision.
452
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,759
Well, I'm tired of arguing the toss,
453
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,319
so I'm just gonna
throw you out of the house
454
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,479
I've happily occupied since 1928!
455
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,319
Don't!
I was reaching for my jacket.
456
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,120
Go on, get out.
457
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,239
Where am I supposed to sleep?
I'm sure you'll have offers.
458
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,319
What are you planning to do?
Barricade yourself in?
459
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,959
That's exactly what I'm planning
to draw attention to my plight.
460
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,439
Vicar, this is brainless. And how
long are you gonna keep this up?
461
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:06,119
Until I've shown the Dean I won't be
shunted off like some evacuee.
462
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:07,520
I do have my dignity.
463
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,559
Could you ask one of my faithful
to bring me food? Nothing fancy.
464
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,119
But hot, you know, no rubbish.
465
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,479
You're not serious.
I am, Alec.
466
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:19,879
Pfft!
467
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,560
Give me one good reason
why I should stay in this marriage.
468
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,279
Have you forgotten the question?
469
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,639
I'm thinking!
I don't know, it's habit-forming.
470
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,959
We didn't have to pay
the single supplement on our cruise.
471
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,559
Where am I supposed to sleep?
472
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,399
The spare room!
473
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,639
It's full of your hobbies.
Needles, hallucinogenic glue.
474
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,120
It's a death trap, Norma!
475
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:45,759
Is this all because
I helped convict an innocent man
476
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,440
whom we don't even like?
477
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:51,999
SNIFFS
478
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,599
Oh, dear.
479
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,080
I find this room very upsetting.
It's full of raffia!
480
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:00,880
Oh!
Oh!
481
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,519
That cleared away some fluff.
482
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,160
We truly banged the gong there,
girl.
483
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:15,080
The only revenge I want, Ma,
is to get that lot out of next door.
484
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:20,079
And as far away as possible.
Yeah.
485
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:21,439
KNOCK ON DOOR
486
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,159
Oh, was that the front door?
Yeah.
487
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,999
We probably better go
and check on the kids.
488
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,999
Don't you dare get out of this bed!
489
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,319
Huh?
490
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:31,839
Bet you never heard that in prison.
491
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,599
You'd be surprised, Ma.
492
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,280
THEY LAUGH
493
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:46,359
And he's barricaded all the doors
and windows. It's ridiculous.
494
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:47,719
Poor you.
Thanks.
495
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,439
I tried the inn but it's full,
and if I'm honest,
496
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,759
I didn't feel safe with Mrs Babcock,
who offered herself,
497
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,399
so I wondered if you had a spare
barn or something I could sleep in?
498
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,759
We do. But you'd be in
with Mariette and Charley.
499
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:00,759
Ah. Well, they're very nice, but...
500
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,119
Yes! We think you and Charley
would make great mates.
501
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,519
You could maybe
go for a beer together.
502
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:06,999
Stay in the house.
Pick a room!
503
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,799
OK. Go! Go to bed.
Come in for prayers!
504
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:09,880
Shut it!
505
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,239
In fact, the house
is comparatively empty.
506
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,319
Monty's been released from
being man of the house
507
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:19,839
so he's at his mate Shortie's,
508
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,279
and Mariette and Charley
are in the barn, so, you know...
509
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,160
My room's got my name on the door.
Obviously, I'll sleep alone!
510
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,599
Mug of cocoa and we sit
and put the world to rights
511
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,319
in between staring
into each other's eyes?
512
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:34,920
Just what I was gonna suggest.
513
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,280
Vicar?
514
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,200
Erm, Vicar?
515
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,999
I've brought you some breakfast!
Have you come alone?
516
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,559
Yes. I'm afraid I couldn't find
any other, um,
517
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,280
faithful who wanted to cook for you.
518
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:21,239
Hello. I feel rather sad.
Oh.
519
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,199
It's not like you to be sad.
Angry, yes.
520
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,199
Bitter, abusive even,
but rarely sad.
521
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,439
If this is you trying
to cheer me up, try harder.
522
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,679
Don't be sad. Pop Larkin is out!
523
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,999
Why are you telling me
about happy people?
524
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,399
Anyway, here's breakfast.
525
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,879
I'm sorry you seem
to be losing the vicarage,
526
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,360
but everything looks better
after bacon.
527
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,279
I honestly don't think anybody's
gonna storm the building.
528
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,400
I'm not risking it.
529
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,599
ALEC CLEARS THROAT
530
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,679
I had time to think about our union
last night in the spare bedroom,
531
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,359
slightly delirious
from the glue fumes.
532
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:09,119
And I want to fight for
our marriage, Norma, like a...
533
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,239
terrier.
534
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,399
Pop and Ma Larkin are aggravating,
535
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,959
and not even married
now I think about it,
536
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:20,200
but I can see that they appear
loving and generous to each other.
537
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,679
So I slipped out
of the house early,
538
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,479
still fighting the effects of
heavy-duty solvent but that's fine.
539
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:27,760
And I bought you this.
540
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,240
At no little expense.
541
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,239
A vacu-um cleaner.
542
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,599
You're under-selling it, Norma.
543
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,920
I'm assured
it will transform your life.
544
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:59,559
I'm going to give you three minutes
to collect a bag of possessions
545
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,520
and leave.
546
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,999
All right there, Berndt?
Guten tag, wienerschnitzel.
547
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,839
Feel free to yodel,
and thanks for all your help.
548
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,959
No, thank you, Mister Larkin.
549
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,199
Your employers off
on their holibobs?
550
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:31,959
Somewhere they can't
be found in a hurry?
551
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:33,120
That is the plan.
552
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,040
That was the plan.
553
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,079
Oh.
554
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:44,440
Anything to add to that, Pinkie?
555
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,479
Um...
556
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:52,399
Oh, usually so fluent, words come
tumbling out. Lie built on lie.
557
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,719
Can I just say...
558
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,039
No, you'll need more than words.
559
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,599
But kick off with them
560
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,759
and just give me and Berndt here
a big empty laugh.
561
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,759
My husband and I were...
562
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,719
annoyed to feel you overcharged us
for the house,
563
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:10,119
and our attempt to teach you
a lesson got wildly out of hand.
564
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,280
So, a huge sorry.
565
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,680
I swear on my children's lives,
I'm a kind person.
566
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:24,359
Well, onto me. I made the best
of my few weeks in jail.
567
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:25,799
Oh, that's nice.
568
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:29,559
I met some decent blokes and, guilty
though they were of various crimes,
569
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:33,160
you and your husband are not worthy
to lick their prison boots.
570
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,639
Cuthbert! Cuthbert!
571
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:41,319
You see, it brought shame and worry
on to my family.
572
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,079
So you can tell
your husband from me,
573
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:44,919
when he's finished
hiding behind the settee,
574
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:48,880
that me and Ma haven't decided how
we are going to right this wrong.
575
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,959
But you can forget about
going on holiday.
576
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:53,439
Berndt, would you open up
577
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,279
that big case of Pinkie's
for a moment, for me.
578
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:56,360
Yeah.
579
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:04,199
Thank you. Funny you should be
called Berndt.
580
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:07,480
Also, folks round 'ere wanted us
to get the law involved.
581
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:12,879
Have you done for fraud, perjury
and bribing a magistrate,
582
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,079
which could... Oh, hello.
583
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,640
CUTHBERT GROANS
584
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,280
..which could get you both locked up
for a year or two.
585
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:26,559
Don't you dare, you scumbag.
586
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,200
Also, I don't judge
but I know that you do.
587
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,639
I can tell the whole world
588
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:37,799
about your time in the exotic Essex
dance troupe Folies They're Bare.
589
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,599
Actually, it was very beautiful
and you had to be in the front rows
590
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,159
to see anything
through the feathers.
591
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,000
So, Ma and me will have a think
about how to proceed.
592
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:47,799
PINKIE GASPS
593
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,320
Bid you a good day.
594
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,679
My pink things! My pink things!
595
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:55,599
I'll pee on it!
Look out!
596
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:56,879
Throw your body on it!
597
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:57,959
SHE SCREAMS
598
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,560
And there goes the Chanel.
599
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:17,800
Vicar?
600
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,000
Vicar, we need to talk about this!
601
00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:27,840
I don't trust you.
602
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,920
I can't do this.
It's not fair or Christian.
603
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:36,599
I'll have to tell the Dean
I'll move on.
604
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,080
No. I can't bear to lose you.
605
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:41,840
Vicar!
606
00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:46,039
If Reverend Candy tells the Dean
607
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,639
that you're not as useless
as everyone thinks
608
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,519
and he'd love to work with you,
and the Dean agrees,
609
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:52,920
might that be acceptable?
610
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,520
Oh! Bloody chain.
611
00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:14,200
Thank you.
612
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,639
Good.
Yes, good.
613
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,839
Thank you, Miss Larkin.
614
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,039
Onward.
615
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,640
Excellent.
Well done.
616
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,319
I'll make some tea.
617
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:34,399
Lovely.
618
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,120
Actually, would you?
I need a pee and a shave.
619
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,599
They're happier now you're back,
look.
620
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,839
I know, very family-minded,
the geese, aren't they?
621
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:49,879
'Ey-up, here comes Bonnie and Clyde.
622
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,319
Good morning, Mr and Mrs Larkin.
623
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:53,799
Uh-huh.
624
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:58,039
Erm, we won't try to excuse
our recent behaviour,
625
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:03,599
but I would love you to think of us
as wayward neighbours, who, er...
626
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:05,159
who are desperate to make amends!
627
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,639
We'd rather not think of you
as neighbours at all.
628
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,039
THEY LAUGH
629
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,999
That's very good.
Yes, super, very wry.
630
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,159
We mean it.
631
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,919
Oh...
632
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,319
And not just for ourselves.
633
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,319
You don't bring much to the village,
do you?
634
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:20,919
Do we bring anything
to the village?
635
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,359
A certain style and confidence?
636
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,479
But in terms of your comment
with regard to us
637
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,799
and a potential legal route...
638
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,919
We've had a think and instead,
we'd like to get you a present!
639
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:36,439
And as you like pigs,
we thought we'd buy you a pig?
640
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,559
The very best kind of pig there is?
641
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:44,719
No. What you're gonna do,
is in exchange for us keeping quiet
642
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:48,319
about your wrongdoings, you're gonna
sell us back your house.
643
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,799
For what we paid for it.
Seven grand.
644
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,479
But we paid you £17,000.
645
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,399
You did, well remembered.
646
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:58,559
And several thousand more
to make it swanky.
647
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,919
Well, if it makes it
any easier for you,
648
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:05,119
we'll be using up our profit,
your money, on the village,
649
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,599
cos you just came and sneered
at life down here
650
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,199
and didn't contribute nothing.
651
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,519
So, we've got the cash,
and you've got 24 hours
652
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:13,719
to sort out your legals,
653
00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:16,000
pack up the house
and never ever come back.
654
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,320
Or we could get you bundled off
in to a police van.
655
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:25,840
GROANS
656
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:28,280
Thank you.
657
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,200
KNOCK ON DOOR
658
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:36,800
CAT PURRS
659
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,039
All right! You've got a key.
660
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,160
DOOR OPENS
661
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,240
I've been walking around for...
662
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,120
Well, since you threw me out.
663
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,959
Where did you spend the night?
On a bench.
664
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,320
Why didn't you stay in a hotel?
665
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:03,559
Partly meanness.
That's just never going to go away.
666
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,719
And I felt I needed to show
contrition somehow.
667
00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:07,400
You've bought a kitten!
668
00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:10,120
Yes.
669
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,880
Good. It's nice.
670
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,720
Let's start again, Norma.
671
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:31,199
It's the cheese we shared on our
magical first date, Saint Nectaire.
672
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,679
I hoped it might mean
more than a ring,
673
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,160
as well as being cheaper.
I've got the rest in my pocket.
674
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:41,200
All right, let's try again.
675
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,080
But there'll need to be changes.
676
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,000
I need to wear the trousers
more now.
677
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,679
There's a wind of change blowing
through modern marriage, Alec,
678
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:59,280
and I'm contributing to that wind
through these trousers.
679
00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:04,039
I've never seen you
in slacks before.
680
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,559
No, and that's rather my point.
681
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:07,799
It's quite an eye-opener.
682
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:13,520
Also my point.
Right, well, it's late...
683
00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:16,559
..and I'm prepared to take you back.
684
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,360
Thank you.
685
00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:30,399
Drive! Drive!
686
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,680
I'm driving!
Well, drive faster!
687
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:41,159
Not a bad gaff, it has to be said.
It's not, is it, now it's done up?
688
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:45,279
One forgets how socially mobile
one can be these days.
689
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,199
Especially as a couple days ago,
I was in an eight by ten cell.
690
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:49,919
Don't let it go to your head.
691
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:51,760
Far from it, Ma. Common and proud!
692
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:56,639
I'll admit proud, might even accept
vulgar, but we're not common.
693
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:57,999
I think we know what we're gonna do
694
00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,719
with at least part of this place,
don't we?
695
00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:01,359
Yeah.
Golf course and a wine bar!
696
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:02,960
Croquet lawn!
697
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,280
POP CHUCKLES
698
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:10,240
Nah, it's nice and all
but it's not really us, is it? No.
699
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,599
Swim in the lake?
Yeah, little dip, why not?
700
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:15,919
I'll race you!
Starkers!
701
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,000
Come on, Ma!
702
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,639
So, we've bought back Bluff Court
and we insist on giving you
703
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:26,519
some land off of it
to do whatever you fancy.
704
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:28,799
You might wanna build a bungalow
before your baby comes.
705
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,879
That is a good notion, Ma.
I tell you, stairs, who needs 'em?
706
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,759
People who've got a house
on two floors? So true.
707
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,759
He's never less than on the ball,
is he, Charley boy?
708
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,559
Oh, go on, then,
or we'll never hear the end of it.
709
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:41,679
Thanks, Ma.
710
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:42,879
Thank you, Pop.
711
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:44,679
Hey, don't, no,
it's just our way of stopping
712
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:45,719
you two wandering off!
713
00:41:45,720 --> 00:41:47,239
You'll be the other side
of the hedge
714
00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:48,719
where we can see you and the nipper.
715
00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:51,999
Not to tempt fate, of course,
touch wood, where's the wood?
716
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,399
There you go. Sorry, Madame.
717
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,439
Cos it shapes us all, don't it?
Where we live.
718
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:59,279
A mansion can be a soulless prison,
a tiny cell can be a cherished home,
719
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,279
and who knows what goes on
behind a closed door.
720
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,839
Hmm. We're going into the village,
Larkininoes!
721
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:06,920
Quick! Before the summer ends!
722
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:28,839
Apparently, the arrangement is the
old Vicar will have less to do.
723
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:30,439
That'll take some doing.
724
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,999
Mind you, if the dishy one's going
out with a Larkin,
725
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,199
that'll keep him busy.
726
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:38,239
The thing about the Larkins is...
Oh, I love the Larkins.
727
00:42:38,240 --> 00:42:39,599
Thank you, Libby.
728
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:42,119
You weren't supposed
to hear that.
729
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:43,440
I think they're overrated.
730
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,279
Voice of an angel, Miss Chand.
Voice of an angel.
731
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,839
I could persuade my editor
to do a weekly religion corner.
732
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,599
Yes, that sounds like
a really good idea...
733
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,559
Or I could be
a roving restaurant critic,
734
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,479
eating and drinking my way
around Kent.
735
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:59,359
And in the summer, the vacationing
vicar reviews luxury holidays!
736
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:00,959
Somewhere warm.
737
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:02,959
Oh, the holy table.
738
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,119
Or cars!
739
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:08,040
Every week the Vicar gets given
a new car to test and keep.
740
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:11,560
LAUGHTER
741
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,119
Come on, Brigadier.
742
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:16,079
Oh look, no, no.
Pop'll get you one.
743
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:18,320
No, I have one...
Tell me what I've said?
744
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,439
Alec, Norma. Come and join us.
745
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:25,439
So, how are you planning
to humiliate me this time?
746
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:29,920
Well, we could go mad
and just have a nice chat.
747
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,639
Look at you two, all affectionate.
748
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:39,840
Yes, we had some tiny differences
of opinion which we've ironed out.
749
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,720
New look, Norma?
Um, yes.
750
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:47,759
They're going to say
something cutting now.
751
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,999
No! We like it.
752
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,160
You look really nice.
753
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,120
Did you manage to get away
this summer at all?
754
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,760
Actually, no, that...
that's not helpful.
755
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,639
Maybe it's easier if
we don't pretend we like each other.
756
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,120
Yes, I agree.
I can see that, yes.
757
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:38,880
Oh.
758
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,599
You're not actually allowed to sit
on a uniformed policeman.
759
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:44,719
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
760
00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:46,720
Try this for size.
761
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,240
I'll authorise it on this occasion.
762
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:52,999
Where's your Mariette and Charley?
763
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,400
Um, they're off planning
their new home.
764
00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:00,800
Ah, that's nice,
starting out together.
765
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:09,919
Charley?
Where are you?
766
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:13,119
Up here. I can see Larkin's Farm!
767
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:15,520
I think I'm near you. Hang on!
768
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:18,360
Oh.
769
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:21,959
Oh, well, never mind.
770
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:26,159
Stay there, I'll head for you.
No, you stay, I'll come to you.
771
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:28,160
Maybe we'll meet in the middle.
772
00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:46,760
Out you jump. Hello, girls.
773
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,039
Come on.
774
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:51,440
Ooh!
775
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,719
Home! Who's hungry?
776
00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:58,439
Me! Me!
And me!
777
00:45:58,440 --> 00:45:59,760
We are, too!
778
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,840
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