Original subtitles

BIRDS CHIRP

It feels weird, Pop not being here.

The twins said that since the verdict,

Joy Spokes is avoiding them.

Well, she's shy at the best of times is Joy.

And little Dennis Lottle told 'em we'd lose our farm.

Hmm. People can be cruel. Especially the Lottles.

How can anyone think he's a criminal?

Well, the few that do will look stupid when we prove he's not.

Exactly, so we need to gather

evidence of errors in the prosecution,

and appeal to the magistrate.

Who are these evil neighbours?

Well, we realised we don't know much about them, so I'm investigating.

Good. So, these are avenues to explore

to investigate financial impropriety.

At last, your legendary skills as a taxman are coming in handy.

I'm still furious with you for not telling us about Pop's case.

And interrupt your honeymoon?

To be fair, it was two months and counting.

Turns out there's loads of Europe. So, next item.

Mariette informs me that none of the Larkin young are baptised.

Yeah, well, we never got round to it. So do now, Ma.

Pop's lack of conventional respectability

may have counted against him.

I'll tell Reverend Candy.

I'm sure he'd help us put together a quick ceremony.

You look different somehow.

It's the glow of couple-y contentment.

Pop and I looked like we had a light on inside us.

Aw! Gotta dash to work.

It is so nice having you back.

It would've been sparse at dinner!

Come on, you lot, out the way. Shoo!

She seemed very keen to talk to that new reverend.

You haven't seen him yet.

Oh, and we're gonna need expert help.

We stayed in London with Angela Snow,

and her father is an eminent retired lawyer.

Oh, good.

I didn't tell the little 'uns, but...

if we don't clear Pop's name, then that's trust gone,

and our livelihood might not be far behind. Ma, no.

Ma, you need to focus on Pop.

We will keep them happy so this doesn't ruin their summer.

Thanks.

And there's the new swimming pool.

A swim won't make up for Pop being locked up.

How do you think he's doing in there?

Oh, you know Pop.

He'll have talked them into letting him

go to the chippy every afternoon.

CELL DOOR CLOSES

I'm no fan of Great Britain, biggest mistake of my life coming here,

but its judiciary is very reliable.

I'm so angry with you at this moment.

Mr Larkin is a darling, but we all make mistakes, don't we?

I do.

Say you do. I do.

On the contrary, it's the biggest miscarriage of justice

since they bumped me and gave the Pimpernel to Niven.

Anyone know what that means?

To not see Pop's astonishing face out and about for a year...

You need to keep busy, Edith, or get a job in the prison.

I can't be any busier, but it's all so meaningless now.

And Pop pays for so much in the village.

The Cheese Hoedown has already been cancelled.

VICAR COUGHS

Where do you stand on Pop Larkin's conviction, Vicar?

You know me, I never judge.

I hear your job is under threat

now the dynamic, young Reverend Candy is here.

Well, that's a tissue of baloney.

CAR DOORS SLAM Is that them?

It ruddy is, isn't it? Rise above, darling, rise above.

Villagers. You deal with any bad losers,

I'll chat to the more normal ones.

No, no, no, you love a dust-up. I'll, erm...

If I walk off in this direction... Stop it. Be the man.

How dare you show yourself in the village of Mr Larkin.

Talk to my husband.

Hello, ladies. What super tops! Ooh, thank you!

Get back in the car and leave, or I will unleash my ghastly wrath!

Bloody useless.

It was so much fun,

and Primrose was obsessed with this handsome new Reverend Candy.

That seems to have gone away.

We slept in the open once. We were attacked by owls. It was so great.

We've missed you.

We loved the postcard of the dead volcano people.

I'm the man about the house now Pop's gone,

but since you're back, Charley, we'll take it in turns.

Yep, good system. What's it like being married?

Is it true love gets deeper and deeper?

Or does it get stale? Like bread?

We girls have been crying ourselves to sleep about Pop.

We don't know what to do with ourselves.

Thanks, can we actually just clear our heads?

But see you for some fun later?

All right! Thanks.

I love them, but I'm exhausted already.

Yes, I forgot how much they have to say.

So let's not tell them I'm pregnant. Oh, agreed.

Oh, am I walking too fast?

No. Are you sure? Do... Do you want a rest?

We've walked ten yards. I'm having a baby, not a nervous breakdown.

Shh!

Thanks for letting me do this at work.

Oh, no, it's not sentiment.

I sense a good story if your dad's been nobbled.

PHONE LINE RINGS

Angela! Ma Larkin. How are ya?

I'm bodacious, and how are you, Pop, and the tots?

Pop was sentenced to a year in prison yesterday...

'so we need your help.' Oh, my God, darling. What?

I know it is an outrage, but I hear that your father is a legal person.

Yes, darling, a QC. 'What's that?'

Queen's Counsel.

What, he counsels the Queen?! 'Well...'

yes, sort of.

Oh, what's she like?

Tell me when you come down to us at the farm.

You and your dad must stay.

We will be there. Father's very wise.

Thank the Lord, cos we need a bit of that.

Though rather ancient.

Got to dash, Angela. Come as soon as you can.

Plenty of beds here!

I was wondering if you have business information

on a Mr Cuthbert Jerebohm, who is listed...

Do you have any record of any police cautions, convictions,

or bankruptcy orders in the name Jerebohm -

Phyllis or Cuthbert?

Shouldn't you be checking the proofs?

No, no. This is more interesting. Yeah, uh-huh.

Oh, what a scumbag!

BUZZER BLARES

They told me I can't give you a hug. I know.

And I brought you some food, but they say I've gotta take it home.

I can do without the trimmings, Ma.

It's you and the kids I miss...

and the air and the light.

They all send their love, and Mariette and Charley rushed home.

Ah, Lord love 'em.

MA SIGHS

Come on, Stu.

POP CHUCKLES, MA SIGHS

So, how is it?

Well, it's a prison, innit?

I'm betting it's like any community, you know?

You gotta suss it out, treat folk nice,

and make it work for YOU, Ma.

And they've got a workshop, so I'm making new friends.

POP CHUCKLES

Well, don't get too used to it...

POP CHUCKLES ..cos we are gonna get you out.

Just gimme a couple of days. Of course.

What you got?

Jerebohm is a double-bankrupt with a conviction for fraud,

so he lied about the unblemished social and financial standing.

Pinkie Jerebohm was married before.

Her husband filed for divorce on the grounds of cruelty. Wow.

Yeah.

At the time, she was a member of the burlesque dance troupe

Folie The Bear, based in Dagenham.

I like the sound of her. No, you don't! Is that enough?

Well, maybe not, but it's a good start.

Some of these old magistrates, they can be just sweet-talked,

but yours isn't one of 'em.

Ma can be quite persuasive, as you know.

HE CHUCKLES

Your gentleman caller is back.

Erm, hello.

Hello.

Feel free to chat in my office. No, no, we... we have a routine.

So, how can we fix this?

You stop treating the two of us like a guilty secret.

It's only until I'm known in the parish.

Now my pop's in prison,

I must be even more embarrassing to be associated with.

So let's keep it businesslike.

Will you please christen me and my six siblings?

None of you are baptised?

Pop and Ma think being good people is the same as being baptised.

That's... not a conventional reading of the Anglican rules.

They aren't conventional parents,

otherwise Pop wouldn't be in a prison cell,

and Ma wouldn't have a varnished snail shell collection.

I would love to baptise you all.

Thank you.

DOOR SLAMS Afternoon.

I need you to pull strings and get Pop a TV in his cell

cos he loves telly, and he's not so good on the book reading,

though he's making some nifty arts and crafts.

I don't think I have the power to install a television

in Her Majesty's...

Well, Constable, you had the power to arrest Pop

and get this whole mess started, so I expect amends to be made.

Mrs Larkin, I hope I've made it clear

how bad I feel about Pop and...

Oh, you did, gorgeous...

but bad feelings don't butter no parsnips.

Nice to be back with Pauline?

Yeah. Yeah. Although she's still angry with me.

In fact, she's withholding...

..certain things till Pop gets out.

What things?

Oh, well, you know, the physical, erm...

Don't make me say it.

Oh. Good for Pauline. Sure it's not just that she doesn't fancy it?

Oh, erm... no. No, I... I think she fancies it.

I mean, she makes all the right, er...

noises.

Well, believe me,

we are full steam ahead to get this verdict overturned.

It doesn't need to be a big telly,

and a wireless would be nice an' all.

You'll be all right. The time'll fly by.

No... I think it'll be interminable.

You occupy a special place in the village, Mr Larkin.

And in my heart. Oh, Edith...

Oh, we had an accident earlier today in the prison laundry.

Starch got sprayed everywhere.

The guards are looking for hardened criminals.

HE LAUGHS

I just feel so helpless and trapped.

SHE SOBS

Oh...

KNOCK ON DOOR Hmm.

Good morning. You may remember me.

You convicted my husband Sidney Larkin a day or two ago.

Yes, I did.

Well, we'd love you to reconsider your decision

and agree to our appeal, so we can see justice restored.

All due respect.

My husband's accusers

have a history of criminality and moral turpitude as long as your arm.

It's all in there.

Hello, Reverend. Alec and Norma Norman.

Yes. We are regular church-goers,

but prefer to attend in Pye Merkin,

which offers an elevated social stratum.

Not that God judges us like that of co...

There are no Larkins there, for example.

I find them delightful.

Then you'll know that Mr Larkin is in prison,

and his appeal has failed.

Yes, the vicar told me. He feasts on bad news.

Clearly Larkin's so-called generosity

was financed by him nicking stuff.

Thank you for giving me the subject of my sermon this week.

Thievery?

Rev, can you come and explain to my boy that he's not going to Hell.

He can't sleep nights. Ah, I'm actually on my way to...

HE SIGHS

Yes, of course.

Darling Ma.

Angela, thank you so much for coming.

Well, of course, this is an outrage!

Someone's pants are hugely on fire and they must be avenged.

I cannot believe that the magistrate would not accept our appeal.

For once, I'm wondering if I'm up to the task.

Well, you're not a lawyer,

but my father is, and there's nothing he can't do.

Evening! Afternoon.

Afternoon, my mistake. Easily done.

Welcome to Larkin Farm, your Royal Honour.

Oh, I say. How kind of you.

Yes?

Hello, Vicar. I need to speak to Reverend Candy.

Why? He's not here.

Um, he's baptising some Larkins, and I need to give him our full names.

I'll take them. In!

It's very much a room of two halves, isn't it?

Mm.

You'd have to ask my junior

why he's vacuumed and tidied only his side.

Well, I imagine Reverend Candy would say he realised

he was doing all the work, so he needed to dig his heels in.

You're very well informed.

Well, when he isn't digging his heels in,

he's very special, isn't he?

He's boosted church attendance, and he looks lovely, and...

Yeah, I'm tired of hearing how special he is.

Oh. Well, I'll shut up, then.

Are these names a joke?

Sadly, no.

Well, I'm still the vicar here, despite the rev's obvious ambition,

so if anyone's gonna do it, it'll be me.

But... he offered first.

He's too busy.

And if you or any other Larkin want to set foot in church again

or get married here, you'll be sprinkled by me,

Vicar-in-Chief.

Well, it seems Reverend Candy has been detained by his huge workload,

so I'll say goodbye.

See you at your christening.

Hey! Come on. Let's have some fun!

There's more important and serious things going on.

All the more reason to have some fun!

Like, er... er... Like the belly flop contest!

Loudest smack wins! Not in the mood.

Come on, Ma told me to cheer you all up.

Right. Come on.

OK.

I actually wouldn't recommend that.

Mum, Charley and Prim are getting more evidence together.

Then they'll try again on the appeal.

Oh, Pop, it's fabulous to see you again, even in a prison uniform.

You too, darlin'. Yeah. So, come on, tell me something cheerful.

I will, as you're stuck in here,

but you have to promise not to tell anyone, even Ma.

I can tell Stu, though, right?

We've got no secrets, have we, Stu? Nah.

I'm pregnant. You're gonna be a granddad.

Oh, Mariette, that makes me so happy.

And that makes me happy.

Me and Ma were saying, "What's taking you and Charley so long?"

We've been together a year.

Exactly, you should've knocked out a coupla twins by now.

Pop!

ORGAN PLAYS

Remember, promise not to tell the family.

Not till we get you out at least.

Of course. My lips are seals.

Thanks, Pop.

Ain't she lovely? It's my oldest. She's pregnant, you know?

Great! Congratulations! Well done!

Let's go out and celebrate! THEY LAUGH

Hello, dear. How much is a big whisky?

Three bob. Are you sure, Miss Pilchester?

Never seen you take alcohol. Just line her up, please.

Did you see the show-jumping on telly last night?

No, I... don't have a machine.

Upset about Pop?

Yes, I am. I'd like another, please.

Then I'll go home to my spinster's home and my spinster's life.

How many drinks do I need to get drunk?

Depends. Some old lush told me there are seven stages of intoxication.

Oh, and what number am I?

Two and a half.

I've been known to go past stage four. You don't wanna do that.

No, of course not. Why not?

Cos to give you some idea, six is coma and seven is death.

Right. Thank you.

PIANO PLAYS

# Cold blows the wind O'er my true love

# Cold blows the drops of rain... #

Come on, Pauline.

# I never had but one true love

# In the greenwood, he was slain

# I'll do as much for my true love

# As any young girl may. #

Edith, we'll take you home.

Hey, I bought your crow a gin, you said he'd recite the Lord's Prayer.

Yeah, well, this has never happened before. I'd better drink it.

SHE SCOFFS

Evening.

Any chance I could arrest you for being pretty after your shift?

Thanks, but I've got another job for you.

Oh, what's that?

Taking Miss Pilchester home.

Ah... I'd love to, but it's not Thursday,

so I haven't got use of the police vehicle.

And?

Please, look, watch me do Charley's trick.

SHE SIGHS

So, the Jerebohms are as fake as a dog with nine legs.

But the magistrate, Major Sprague,

says we can only challenge on the facts.

Well, the case that you've outlined seems riddled with inconsistencies.

Don't you agree, Daddy?

What? Oh, yes, yes, I do.

Becau... Well, yes, erm...

These days he takes a while to warm up.

The Queen's worn him out!

Ah, yes, erm...

Who was present at the planning of this fraud and break-in?

Hmm? Ah?

And do you think they could they be persuaded

to do the decent thing?

Only Mr and Mrs Jerebohms and Alec Norman were there.

Ah...

Oh.

I had to tell Pop.

I felt so sorry for him, dressed like a criminal.

If anyone can make use of his time inside, it's your dad.

God, if he did ten years, he'd leave as Prison Governor.

Mm. He's smooth-talked himself a job in the kitchen.

You see! What a...

Is that a rattlesnake?

Rattlesnakes in Kent?! You're still such a townie.

Oh, I'm sorry... Can you check an income tax form in under a minute?

Cos I can. Ooh, you sexy beast!

Oh, evening, Constable. Evening.

What you watching, square-eyes? Dunno.

Just to warn you, in case you see the vicar,

he wants to baptise us all.

We want the young, handsome one.

Well, the old gnarled one says he's doing it

or none of us can ever get married in his church.

Then we have to go ahead.

Me and Petunia have already planned our weddings.

I'm having real unicorns in church.

You can order them from South America.

Oh! I don't wanna do it no more.

As the man about the house now,

I need to remind you why we're doing this:

to make people think we're respectable.

Oh, we are respectable,

but you know what, it might be a healthy diversion.

And an excuse for new frocks.

I'll wear one of Dad's suits.

Mm...

Stop it now! Who wants hot chocolate?

# All things bright and beautiful

# The Lord God made them all. #

Thank you, that was, erm... Thank you.

Once in a golden hour I cast to earth a seed

Up there came a flower

The people said, a weed.

Tennyson.

In other words, today's sermon is about judgement.

ORGAN SOUNDS Sorry!

Why do we love to condemn,

and see guilt or fault where there is none?

Why does kindness so often come second to blame?

No, don't just accept it!

Let's work hard to love each other more!

And to share that love,

because how else will we make the world

a better and more beautiful place?

Who do you all love?

I love Primrose Larkin.

DOOR OPENS

I've never seen any of these people before in my life!

THEY LAUGH Oh, come on. Welcome back, Charley.

This is gonna take a while, innit, hey?

You all right, darling? That's it. Thank you, Victoria.

And first thing you've all gotta do is stop with the tragic faces

cos me telly's arrived, you brilliant woman.

THEY LAUGH Oh, mwah!

Hey, and guess what,

I've been working in the kitchen now.

Turns out you can have a lot of fun cooking.

You should try it, Ma. THEY LAUGH

Hey, hey, hey. Stu, come on.

There you go. Watch, watch, watch, watch!

Get ready! THEY GASP

Wow! Oh! Ta-da!

Oh, my Lord. Hey!

That is a work of art.

Thank you. Monty get a photo, son. That's it.

Now then, newlyweds, have you got something to tell me?

We... don't know what you mean.

About your Europe. Just been round it, ain't you, eh?

I'm not seeing much of it in here.

We promise, Pop, you'll hear every detail as soon as you get out.

Good.

On that subject, your escape committee are making progress

with the assistance of Angela Snow's dad, who's a QC -

that stands for Counsel to the Queen.

Special lady. I love a queen.

Ma, we know. We know you love a queen.

Yeah, thank you.

And you can all imagine how much you mean to me.

So...

what about this baby?

Come on, Oscar.

Hey, are you gonna come and give us a song?

Hey, give us a chorus of Jailhouse Rock?

Look at that, Oscar. Oh, that looks lovely.

Don't have too much fun. This is a prison, you know!

But Pop seemed all right, though, didn't he, Ma... considering?

I was just thinking about him missing your christenings.

He's not churchy, though, is he? He says he worships women.

He's not one for ceremonies, either, otherwise you'd be married.

We've been too busy raising you lot.

We'll record it. What?

On one of those little cine film cameras.

And Pop can watch it when he gets out.

I don't understand modern technology.

Hold on, did we leave Oscar in jail?

No, I've got him. Ah.

Come on. "Did we leave him...?" God!

Can you imagine?!

Ah, hello, darling.

Why are you doing that face? Hmm?

Oh, I'm rehearsing my forthcoming role

of a man who looks wistfully back at his life.

Ah.

I had a lady sat here earlier,

who mentioned a spectacular sermon yesterday

by the new reverend.

Yes, I've been told by 18,000 people

He's very dynamic.

It seems like you're the old tortoise,

and he's the hare, yet, in fact, he keeps winning the race.

RIGHT! That was quite a reaction. Bit much?

I've given my life to this parish. Yes, I'm a bit tired now.

No, I don't go in for showy displays of religiosity,

but I am still a massively important spiritual leader!

And I will prove it.

Yes, that's much better. Yes, lots of vim.

You really miss your Pop, don't ya?

All right, darlin'? Perfick.

SHE CHUCKLES

Miss Pilchester! What a pleasure.

It's all mine, Mrs Larkin.

I just wanted to say how absolutely ghastly

it must be without your husband.

Yeah... Yeah, it is.

And I'm going to be honest with you,

inspired in part by Reverend Candy's declaration of love for Primrose.

Oh, there was so much rejoicing in the Larkin household about that.

Well, if I may...

..I love your husband.

Oh, we all love Pop... No.

No, really love him. A frightening amount.

MA SCOFFS I can never have him

because you are the most glorious, loving couple,

but I just wanted to lay my love out in the open

like a huge, slightly embarrassing pumpkin

and never mention it again.

Oh, Edith.

It also explains my recent drunken escapade.

There's... There's no need to explain.

Love Pop as much as you like.

He's got a lot of time for you as well.

Tea for two in the garden, please?!

But you're so hard on yourself.

Look at you.

You're beautiful... Have to stop you there.

You are! Sorry.

You're passionate and energetic and kind.

But you're not kind to yourself.

Love yourself more, Edith.

I'll try.

In the meantime, can I do anything to help bring Pop home?

Well, we're trying to think of someone

who'd come over to our side with evidence.

Funny you should say that.

Looking at the Jerebohms' chauffeur, I sensed he was thinking,

"Why am I working for this absolute bitch?"

Yes, I'm saying things out loud these days

which are meant just for my head.

Do be careful about that, but... the chauffeur.

That's a good thought.

Hello, dears!

Oh, thanks, poppets! SHE CHUCKLES

Why don't you get Mariette to sweet-talk him?

What's his name? Berndt.

Burnt? He's Austrian.

Hello, Vicar!

Come and join the party. What brings you here?

Another cup and the big cake!

And a cold flannel!

I hear that the Reverend Candy has been stealing your thunder.

To be honest, we're all wondering why you're still here, Vicar.

Sorry. That... That escaped from my head.

And that's exactly why I'm here.

HE PANTS HEAVILY

Ah!

I'm organising a mass christening for your kids

and anyone else who's been too much of a heathen to get around to it.

We're not heathens.

We just reckon that God'll take us as He finds us.

It doesn't work like that.

It really doesn't. I've read the big book.

All right. Go on, then.

Allow plenty of time cos they've got a few middle names.

I know.

And I'm gonna steal my thunder back from Candy,

so I'm here to say

I'll be using your new swimming pool for the baptism.

All right! THEY CHUCKLE

What do I do if the horrible family come back?

They won't.

He dropped Mr Jerebohm off at the station

and Mrs and their weird children at the golf course.

OK, right, well, off I go, then. How do I look?

Charley? Huh?

Sorry. Um, yeah, looking good.

Mm-hm? Too good.

I need to look seductive.

Hey.

Really? SHE CHUCKLES

Berndt is such a nice name, really pretty.

Where did you get it from? Oh, it's the usual. From my papi.

From your puppy?

My daddy, my papi. Of course.

I love my dad so much.

That's why I'm heartbroken. I can't believe he'd steal.

No.

So... tell me he didn't do it. Just for my own peace of mind.

Your papi didn't do it.

Thank you. So that means your employers must be evil.

They are... totally! So why are you working for them?

They have... information about me which is very bad.

I can't tell you how bad it is. It's... so bad.

So they've put my innocent Pop in jail,

and they're blackmailing you?

Any other terrible things? Yeah, there are other things.

You need to say this to the magistrate... to help us.

I cannot.

Imagine how you'd feel... if your dad was in prison, and...

SHE CRIES Oh!

I'm sorry. I'm pregnant.

I found a big potato in my handbag this morning.

I must have put it there.

Hormones.

Anyway... SHE SNIFFLES

The safe was ordered and delivered just before your daddy was caught.

SHE GASPS IN RELIEF I have the wrapping.

A coincidence? No.

SHE LAUGHS TEARFULLY Thank you!

Other things... would you like a hankie?

Yes, please!

Fraulein.

SHE BLOWS HER NOSE

It couldn't be clearer than the nose on your face, could it?

Massive nose!

We're not saying your nose is massive.

This evidence is in conjunction with the papers already presented,

duplicated in file D before you there,

of the Jerebohms' history of moral and financial impropriety.

I need more time to consider my response, er...

so we will reconvene on Monday morning.

I just feel that it's not a very good idea any more.

The Larkins are very tenacious.

'You had your pound of flesh, and I should release him.'

Well, if you're planning to do that, and that's fine...

Thank you.

'I shall come round, punch your stupid face a bit'

then reveal you're a corrupt judge

and your whole life's work has been a sham.

LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC, INDISTINCT CHATTER

I can't swim, Vicar, so we'll have to do it in the shallow end.

Yeah, and can we not splash my hair? I've had it done special.

Oh, shut up.

INDISTINCT CHATTER, ROWDY LAUGHTER

Was this a good idea? Yeah.

Distraction, eternal salvation and a pool party,

what could be better?

Aw, look at the cherubs.

Here, Ma, have some Champagne.

It's like theatre, religion, isn't it?

Ritualistic and heady, with some lovely costuming.

You compare everything to showbusiness.

You do, shopping, lawn-mowing, a fish tank is like a stage.

A good comedy is like a tomato.

Oh, by the way, do you know a good violin teacher?

I've assured the producer I can play,

and I've only got until Thursday to learn.

But as I say, the fiery hair's just a bonus, really.

Do you know what I love about her especially?

It's a combination of...

Excuse me, I need to hand the vicar his paraphernalia.

You've been banging on about Primrose for half an hour,

well, I'm a reasonably interesting woman, too.

Hey. Hey.

You're not boozing - are you pregnant?

If only! Silly boy!

Can you imagine? Come on, we need to go and get ready.

Right, come on, come on, let's have some hush.

A baptism is a solemn sacrament

to be approached with due reverence.

So I don't want to see any farting around

or whingeing about getting splashed.

Ah, now, how am I going to do this?

Why don't you all get in the water and we'll go from there?

SPLASHING, BABY CRIES

It reminds me of the D-day landings.

I'm itching to go on. Maybe I can borrow some trunks.

I'm gonna take the godparents' section as read

otherwise we'll be here all bloody day.

Right.

Actually, I now feel rather stupid.

Well, I know you, I'll start with you.

"I baptise you,

"Primrose Violet Anemone Iris..." SIGHS

"..Magnolia Narcissus Larkin."

GEESE HONK AND FLUTTER

I hate geese!

Quick. Someone help her!

LAUGHTER

Oh, it's always about him, isn't it?

Well done! Good on ya', Ma!

Congratulations, Mrs Larkin.

LOW CHATTER

All right, darlin'? I suppose.

I've, er... had a problem with a souffle.

Did you open the oven door in the middle to take a look?

I know what you're like.

Oh, I did, yeah, oh, yeah.

Could've been opening the oven door, Stu, yeah, could've been that.

It's all looking good for your release,

so I hope this is the last time we're gonna have to meet here.

Well, I'm putting a brave face on it, Ma, that's for sure.

I've made some friends in here, but I wanna come home, Ma.

How was the christening?

Safe to say, for a religious service it lacked a bit of "gravit-arse".

Sounds good. Wish I was there.

We thought of that.

Ah!

Congratulations.

All right, what's going on?

For your and Pop's future grandchild.

TOY RATTLES

See, Mariette and Charley, they didn't want any fuss, Ma,

and so I promised them, but...

I'm no good at keeping secrets.

I know it's not as much of a holiday camp as you lot make out,

but thanks for looking after him.

I just need to know why is it Pop was told, and I wasn't?

Ma, just don't tell the others.

Mariette and Charley don't want any fuss till they're ready.

Course I won't.

They're gonna have a baby!

We're gonna be aunties! I'm Aunty Zinnia!

Another christening!

No, absolutely not! We'll arrange this one...

Hello, Ma!

JOYFUL LAUGHTER

And I regard unattributed innuendo, masquerading as evidence,

to be a very shaky basis

for overturning a well-considered judgement.

Are you out of your tiny?

No, and the verdict stands.

Well, we're not giving up.

I work for a newspaper,

and we will make sure everyone knows about this abuse of power.

I'd advise that you didn't.

Any attempt to raise the matter or appeal again,

and I'll be minded to double Sidney Larkin's sentence.

What...?!

So he has been well and truly done like a kipper,

as Pop would no doubt describe it.

Right. You have to say, they got jolly close.

Pinkie will be breathing a sigh of relief

out of her pair of pretty lungs.

Yes.

Obviously, there's a slight disappointment that Major Sprague

didn't actually bump Larkin's sentence up to two years, but...

Stop now.

Something wrong?

Do you need a drink at three o'clock in the afternoon?

Yes, I do,

because I appear to be married to a man without a shred of conscience.

The Larkins are an irritant, but they've never been evil.

Is there a difference? Really?

You cooked up this plan with the Jerebohms.

Well, I was more of a consultant.

And I let it happen because frankly I never thought it would work...

..but Pop is in prison.

Doesn't that make you feel uncomfortable?

Do you know what this is?

Once again, it's decent working people

being beaten down by the powers of class and privilege.

Well, perhaps, but...

And, Angela, in the nicest possible way,

you and your father have been a fat lot of good.

It's a fair point.

Look, it's not over yet, Ma.

But it is, isn't it?

We've been living on hope, and it's run out.

And it's me that's gotta go and tell that to Pop tomorrow.

That's if I haven't been round

to the Jerebohms and the Normans tonight, shot 'em all

and got myself arrested.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hello, Mrs Larkin.

What do you want?

I've heard the latest about your husband

and... I'm uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable?

Well, we are rather worse than that.

Yes, yes, you must be.

So unless you have your husband's sawn-off head in your bag

to show me, or the solution to our problems, I'd go home.

I-I, well...

..I do have some information.

Sorry, I had a sherry earlier, and it's, er...

..it's just catching up with me.

There are things going on which you should know about.

THEY LAUGH

THEY LAUGH

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