All language subtitles for Not Dead Yet s01e01 Pilot.eng

Nell: After 15 years
as a journalist,

I've learned it's important to
grab the reader's attention

with a catchy headline.

Here's mine -- "Local Woman,
37, Ruins Own Life."

Five years ago, Nell Serrano
threw away a promising career

to move to London for a man.

I'm sleeping!

She went all-in on love.

Until it drop-kicked her
in the face.

Now she's back,
trying to stay hydrated.

But hey, who needs
a promising career...

a fairy-tale wedding...
[ Dog whimpers ]

or clean underwear...

when you can wear
bathing suit bottoms.

Again.

The good news is the weird
roommate I met on Craigslist

is extremely laid back and
not passive aggressive at all.

Oh, also, he makes me
walk his dog.

Unfortunately,
he's a shy pooper.

The dog, not the roommate.
That's gross.

And all this made me late
for my first day

back at my old job.

But at least I got
the last parking spot,

so things are looking up.

Oh.
[ Car alarm blares ]

Oh. Sorry.
[ Truck alarm blares ]

[ Alarms continue ]

Oh, my...

I really gotta clean out
this trunk.

More on this ongoing disaster
as it unfolds.

- - Captions by VITAC --

[ Elevator bell dings ]

[ Exhales deeply ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

You are late.
Oh.

But I told everyone
that your phone

was still set on UK time

and that you
were donating blood.

Okay?
So, act kinda woozy.

What if I act hungover?

What if I am hungover?

So, I got you a plant
for your first day.

Hey.
At my old job?

Yeah, and some pens
for your birthday.

Oh, 'cause I'm another
year older?

Sports section.

Oh.
Man: Go long!

No, because
I love you, baby.

Aw.
No stealing, girls.

You are not
the boss of me.

True, but I am
the boss of you.

Ooh.
Is it weird?

It's weird that either of you
are bosses of anybody, really.

Well, technically,
she is the boss

Man: Oh!
of the lifestyle section,

Man 2: Sorry!
so that doesn't really count.

Ooh.
Ooh.

[ As Dennis ]
"I'm Mr. Metro.

I have to edit
a six-part series

about the changes
in the zoning bylaws."

I'm sorry, don't you have
a meeting to go to about...

I want to say sandals.

Look, bitch --

Actually, I am late
to a meeting about sandals.

Oh.
Ugh.

Coffee later?
Yep.

So, what are you
gonna put me on?

City beat?

Crime beat?

The dead beat.

Oh, my God, you're
putting me on obituaries?

Dennis: Here's
your new office.

Ta-da.

Ew.

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie,
this is a closet.

That seems generous.

Look, you gotta jump back
in somewhere, Nell.

Start here.

Your first obit.

Monty Waxberg.

A musician you may know
for his most famous jingle,

the "Yummy Yum Bubble Gum" song.

I hated that song as a kid.

Don't judge a person
by their jingle, Nell.

Everyone has a story,
and it's your job to find it.

And don't touch that pipe.

It'll strip your skin.

[ Air releases, rumbling ]

This is on me.

Just give me one sec.

Oh, here, give me that.

Oh! See?
This is why I love you.

Still know how to party.

Byow-byow-byow-byow!

No.
Your airhorn's broken.

That is because it is
a breast pump.

Do you remember when these boobs
were for, like, flashing people?

Now they are for
feeding people.

What happened to me?

You became
a badass working mom,

who made two of my favorite
little humans. [ Chuckles ]

Yeah, I should warn you,

Tilly still likes to wear
her flower girl dress

to school every day,
in case that's a trigger.

Way to punch down, Tilly.

So, when you are ready
to talk about Phillip,

I have a bunch of nasty things
I have written in my journal

that I am so excited
to share with you.

Eh, I don't want to do that.

You know what I want to do
for my birthday?

I just want to throw down
like we used to

and pretend it's not gonna take
me three days to recover.

Okay? [ Giggles ]
Okay!

Oh, God. Oh, no.
Hide me.

Oh. Unh-uh.
Nope. Hide me. What?

Oh, hide me.
What? Why? Where? What? Who?

It's Scotch Tape.

Oh. [ Scoffs ]

Yeah, Nell, you can't call
her that anymore, okay?

Lexi is your boss now,
and as crazy as it sounds,

we have actually become...
I will smack your face.

...work friends.
What?

We hate her!

I know.
I'm so sorry.

The only reason
why she has this job

is because her dad
owns the newspaper.

And half of Pasadena.

Yeah, I know.
She's a little rich and weird,

and she thinks that Old Navy
is a branch of the military,

but when you are
a working mom,

it is hard to meet
other working moms.

Nell: What? No.

What about Tina
from Metro?

She used to always talk
about her kids.

It was sweet.

They were dolls.

Everyone's really worried
about Tina.

Hi.
Hi, Tina.

What's this?

[ Gasps softly ]
You shouldn't have.

Mmm.

Let's hope there's no cherries
in this one.

It's caramel.

Mmm.

Did you go to Stanford?

Yeah.

Why are you eating
the chocolates

I got for my girlfriend?

Because it's my birthday

and I thought you
got them for me.

No.

Gross.

I'm going to San Diego,
without chocolates,

to visit my girlfriend.

So, please remember
to walk Arthur

and use compostable poop bags

instead of telling the dog
just to hold it.

And if you raise
the heat above 68,

the Nest will alert me.

Aye-aye, Captain.

Do you have any plans
for your birthday?

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna throw
a massive rager,

and I'm thinking of getting
a couple of kegs

and maybe even a reggae band,

and I'm gonna do it right
over there by your Peloton.

No!
You can't do it here.

We have an agreement.

Your lease specifically states
that any guests

need to be pre-authorized...

You're joking?
Obviously, dude.

What, do you have like
Asperger's or something?

I do.

You do?

Oh, my God, I am so sorry
I said that.

I don't.

You thought
I had Asperger's?

[ Chuckles nervously ]
I mean, kind of.

I do.

All right,
have a good weekend.

[ Wet Leg's "Wet Dream" plays ]

♪♪

♪ Beam me up ♪

♪ Count me in ♪

Ah, thank you.

Wow. $14 bucks
for a cocktail.

You know, back in the day,

we used to make
LSD in the bathtub

and give it away for free!

Ah, damn,
I miss the '90s.

Mm.
Mm.

How come your nose
is buried in your phone?

Ah, honestly?

I was wondering if
my ex-fiance was gonna bother

to wish me a happy birthday,

but so far, he hasn't, so...

You know the best way
to get over someone?

Hmm?

Get under someone else.

Awesome.
Thank you for your wisdom.

[ Door shuts ]

[ Gasps ] Hey!

There she is!
My birthday girl! Hi!

Yes!

Okay, I know you said
no presents,

but we stopped
by the gas station

and got you
a little something.

Aw, you guys.

Condoms and scratchers?

'Cause you finna
get lucky this year! Hey!

And we're gonna have
a great time tonight

no matter who else
shows up.

So...

Who else is coming?

Hi, squirrel friend.

Sorry I'm late.

Well, I hope it's not too weird
that I crashed your birthday.

No.
Not at all.

We're co-workers.
[ Chuckles ]

Well, not exactly "co".

Kidding. [ Laughs ]
[ Soft laughter ]

Although technically,
that is accurate.

I mean, I am your boss.

Right.

But I just want you to know
that I'm going to strive

to be a different kind of boss
than my father was.

I mean, he was just so
aloof and out of touch,

and if I learned anything
after I broke my back

during the
Olympic Dressage trials,

it's that you are only as strong
as the horse you're riding.

Mm.
Mm.

And you --
you are my horse.

Hey, Lexi?

Am I being weird
and entitled again?

Yeah, when you referred to us
as your horse.

See?
This is why I need you.

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, my gosh,
that reminds me.

One weekend during quarantine

when our families
podded together --

Oh.

You guys podded together?

Yeah.
We did.

And it was such fun.
Oh!

I know a lot of people say
they didn't enjoy the pandemic,

but I really thrived.

Anyway, one night, Sam and I
got into le sauvignon blanc,

and she got really
honest with me

about how I can come off
to people,

and I'm just very grateful
to have a friend

like you in my life.

I got you.

♪♪

[ Both ] ♪ Ooh-hoo ♪

♪ Nobody knows it ♪

♪ Nobody knows ♪

You're okay with her
being here, right?

Totally.

Yeah.
Yeah.

I guess just didn't realize
you guys were, like,

friends-friends.
I know.

But it's fine.

You just owe me
a do-over, yeah?

You got it.
Yes!

Yes.
Okay, so I got us two tickets to The Underground

this Saturday night.

It's '80s Prom Night.

I thought I'd wear
my wedding dress,

you'd wear your
maid-of-honors dress.

Might as well get
some use out of it.

I would love to do it.

It's just that
Saturday night,

um, I have some plans --

You have plans
with Lexi.

Yeah. I do.

I do.

♪ Don't go breaking my heart ♪

Lexi: We almost got it.

It was almost there.

Nell: Whoo! Whoo!

Let's give it up for Dennis
and Scotch Tape!

Scotch Tape?
Oh, yeah.

It's just a nickname
we gave you, you know.

Just some little inside joke
between old friends.

Sam: Now, now, slow down.

What? Come on.
Nell.

Scotch Tape.
Because you're stuck up.

Get it?

We also thought
you were Scottish.

You screamed one day, and it
sounded like "Braveheart".

I was like, "Scottish".

[ Laughs ]

Come on.

You think it's funny, right?

I'm not the only one!

Yeah, totally.

I'm just gonna
get my bag.

All right.

Another round of drinks!

♪♪

[ Condom sputters ]

♪♪

[ Exhales heavily ]

"If you're reading this,

then the fridge
has been open too long."

[ Chuckles softly ] Oh, my God.

How did I end up here?

Man: Well, it's true.

Ah! Ah!

You never really know where
life is gonna take you.

Don't you come any closer.
I will kill you.

Don't bother.

I'm already dead.

Are you here to kill me?

Please don't do that.
Please, please don't do that.

No, I am not here
to kill you.

My name is Monty Waxberg.

♪ Yummy yum bubble gum ♪

♪ Juicy, juicy fun ♪

Ta-da. C'est moi.

Nope. Nuh-uh.

No. I do not
see dead people.

No, no, no, no.

This has just got to be
the chili cheese fries

and the cake
and the five cocktails

and maybe
the half gummy I ate.

Go easy there,
Keith Richards.

You cannot comment
because you are not real.

So, I --
I'm just gonna --

I'm gonna go to my room,
and I'm gonna lock the door,

and I'm gonna put a bunch
of heavy boxes in front of it.

You know, not because
I think that you're real,

but just because, uh --
um, I need the cardio.

And when I wake up
in the morning,

you are gonna be gone!

Goodnight!

[ Door slams ]

♪♪

[ Groans sleepily ]

Mornin'!
Ah!

[ Squeals ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Vacuum turns on/off ]

Stay back.

How did you get past
the boxes?

I have no idea.

I've never been dead before.

Also, I haven't had to pee
since I died,

which frees up
a lot of time.

[ Knock at door ]
[ Gasps ]

Company.
Come in.

Are you okay?

I just got home,
and I heard you scream.

[ Softly ] No.

Yeah, I'm okay.
Good.

Will you clean
the living room, please?

Because it's filled
with condoms. Duh. Yeah.

What do you think
I got this is for? [ Vacuum turns on/off ]

Okay, nice.

Fun fact --

you're the only one
that can see me.

No!
Yep.

No, no!
No!

[ Vacuum turns on/off]

This --
What is happening?

This is not happening.

[ Sobbing ] Oh, my God.

I know I've been sad lately,

and maybe even
a little depressed, you know?

And I haven't really been
taking good care of myself.

Maybe I just need
to do more exercise.

Oh, okay. Why don't we go
for a bike ride?

No, thank you.

I need some air.

[ Clears throat ]

♪♪

Nell: Hey, Siri, text Sam.
[ Beeps ]

"Sorry I got over-served
last night.

Can, uh, we grab
a cup of coffee later?"

You don't want to eat here.

Two words --
Cock. Roaches.

No!

♪♪

Go. Go, go, go,
go, go, go!

Nell!
Get out of the car! [ Gasps ]

This is the guy
that killed me!

What?
Just kidding.

It was prostate cancer.

♪♪

Stop following me!

Oh, God.
Enough.

What do I have to do
to get you to leave?

I don't know.

I have no idea why I'm here.

No rules, no instructions.

It's very poorly run.

Okay, I've seen the movies.

There's gotta be some
magic words that I can say

to get you to move on.

Ooh, like, um --

"I absolve you
of your messed-up life."

"Go to the light,
Carol Anne!"

My messed up life?
Yes. Your messed up life.

I don't know if you remember,
but I've been writing about you,

and you're a dead,
twice-divorced, wannabe musician

who wrote one jingle
that made me hate bubble gum.

Uh-huh.
And what about you?

I've been around you
for about 24 hours,

and I can tell,
you're no prize.

You drink too much,

you're jealous of other
people's happiness,

and you literally
just run away

from any difficulty
in your life.

I'm not doing this.

I'm not getting psychoanalyzed
by some dead person.

See?
You're running away.

I am n-- No.
[ Cellphone chimes ]

No. Ah.

Great. Thank you.

I just missed Sam's call.

[ Scoffs ]

Sam: Hey, I got your text.

Last night got a little
out of hand.

I mean, I know it was funny
how we used to not like Lexi,

but she's been a great friend
to me while you've been gone.

She is also the boss,
so if I were you,

I would think about
apologizing.

Anyway, I guess
we'll talk later.

So, what are you
gonna do now?

♪♪

[ Elevator bell dings ]

What...?

Well, this is, um,
quite the office, Lexi.

Whoa.

Ah.

Yes, that's the horse
that bucked me -- Todd.

I keep it as a reminder
of my failures.

Wow.

So, what can I do for you?

I wanted to drop off
some apology donuts.

Last night,
I wasn't at my best,

and I wanted to say I'm sorry,
[clears throat]

and I promise to be more
professional from now on.

Did you steal these
from the break room?

No. Why?

Several have bites
taken out of them,

and it says "break room"
on the box.

Then, yes, I did.

Okay. Uh, sorry.

Bye.

That was a pretty
half-assed apology.

I mean, obviously,
you have something

you'd like to say to me.

So, be a reporter.

Give me the full story.

I don't think that's
a good idea.

I have an idea.

Let's take 30 seconds
and tell the other person

exactly what we think of them
with no repercussions.

Huh?
I'll go first.

I think you are
a sloppy drunk.

Oh, wow.

You're just gonna
go right in there.

Well, I think
your relationship

with your horse
is inappropriate.

I think that shirt looks like
it was bought from Wet Seal.

I took the bites
out of those donuts.

You still work in newspapers.

You work in newspapers.

I knew you didn't want me
at your birthday party,

but I invited
myself anyway.

I don't think you're good enough
to be friends with Sam.

When Dennis asked me
to hire you, I said no.

You gave up a promising career
to chase after some guy,

and when it doesn't work out,

I'm supposed to
pick up the pieces?

I only changed my mind when Sam
told me you were in a sad spot

and really needed
to catch a break.

I hired you for her.

But I am your boss,
and if you don't perform,

you will be the first to go,

and it won't matter
who you're friends with.

Okay, good to know.

I really don't think that's
a fun game, by the way.

Oh, it's a lot better if you're
playing with your family.

♪♪

Are you here?
Yep.

Oh.
I keep closing my eyes and hoping when I open them,

I'll be in Madrid.

Oh, no.
What's with the face?

[ Clicks tongue ]

For some dumb reason,

I thought that I would just

come back home and pick
back up where I left off,

but...everything's changed

and I feel really disconnected
from everyone.

[ Sighs ]
[ Exhales deeply ]

So, what do we do then?

Just sit here
and feel sorry for you

for the rest of eternity?

Hmm?

Am I in Hell?

If you're with me, probably.
Oh, my God.

You know, I can't listen
to any more of your whining.

I'm either gonna smother you
with that pillow

or we're going out.

[ Muffled ] Smother me.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

This is so dumb.

What are we doing here?

I mean, [scoffs] are we
gonna split a bruschetta?

[ Chuckles ]

You know, you don't need
those things.

I feel like everyone
is staring at me,

wondering [scoffs]
what's wrong with me

and why I'm all alone
in such a beautiful place.

Let me tell you something.

I was prodigy on the piano.

I moved to California
in the Summer of Love,

and I was gonna make
incredible music.

And I ended up writing...

♪ Yummy Yum -- ♪
Oh, no singing.

I know.
It's embarrassing.

Because I wanted
so much more.

So, I got angry,

and I pushed people away.

And eventually,
I climbed out of my own ass

and realized that there were
people all around me

living their lives...

[ Exhales deeply ]

...not caring about
what life should be,

but about what it is.

And when I got that,
everything changed.

I mean, look at that
woman over there.

She's not self-conscious.

Just enjoying life as
it's happening right now.

You don't have
to do this. Do what?

Ghost-of-Christmas-Future me
into thinking

that if I don't
change my ways,

I'm gonna end up alone
and all dressed up,

wearing some ugly
turquoise necklace.

Or maybe you wear it because
your husband

bought it for you in Spain
for your anniversary.

♪♪

Is that your wife?

Yes, it is.

Oh, my God.

♪♪

[ Voice breaking ]
I'm so sorry.

I ju-- I-I just can't seem
to get out of my own way.

I'm a mess.

Yeah, you are.
Thanks.

You know why it's okay?
Hmm?

'Cause so was I
before I met Cricket.

God, I wish I could tell her
once more how beautiful she is.

♪♪

[ Normal voice ] Okay.

♪♪

Excuse me.

I hope this isn't too weird,

but I just thought
someone should tell you

how beautiful
you look tonight.

Well, isn't that a kick?

Thank you.

And I really love
your necklace.

My husband gave it to me.

It's a little gaudy,
but it makes me think of him.

You know, this is -- this is
really out of character for me,

but would it be
the strangest thing

if I asked to join you
for a glass of wine?

Only if it's tequila.
[ Giggles ]

I'm Nell.

I'm Cricket.

♪♪

[ Knock at door ]

Come in.

Hey.
I got more poop bags for Arthur's business

so you're always ready.

Thank you.

Is there something else?

Technically, it's not called
Asperger's anymore.

It's called
"Autism Spectrum Disorder."

It means a lot of
different things

to a lot of different people,
but for me,

it means I need
structure and routine.

There's a right way
to do things,

and there's a wrong way
to do things.

And there's not much
in-between.

Like the poop bags.
Yeah. Kinda.

But I'm an
environmental lawyer,

so that's just
being responsible.

The world's
on fire right now. Right.

Also...

I know at times
I could be...

difficult to live with.

Or so I've been told.

So have I.

So, maybe we're a good match.

[ Chuckles softly ]

Well, have a nice day.

♪ Made a wrong turn ♪

♪ Once or twice ♪
[ Exhales sharply ]

What are the markers
of a life well lived?

We try to describe people's
lives in one sentence.

"She was a successful
journalist."

"He was an old friend
and a new boss."

"She was a working mom."

It's too many kisses!

[ Blowing kisses ]

"He was the Yummy Yum
Bubble Gum guy."

But the truth is,
there isn't one sentence

that can describe a life.

No, I know that we're not
where we're supposed to be,

but I-I have a plan.

It's just taking a little
bit longer than --

Because life is complicated.

Thanks, Dad.

And people aren't always
who we think they are.

The real truth is,
we're all a work in progress,

and so are our relationships --

the old ones
we're trying to keep...

Byow-byow-byow!

...and sometimes,

if we're lucky,

it's the new ones
that take us by surprise.

Cricket: Hey!
[ Giggles ]

Are you ready to rock
our faces off?

Sure am.
Come on, girl.

I can tell you
about the '80s, now. Oh. Please.

"And since,
as Monty Waxberg believed,

you never really know where
life is going to take you,

so just open up your heart
along the way and listen.

Everyone has a story
if you just take the time

to find out what it is."

I would tell you
this is really good,

but then you'd just want
to start a union,

so instead, I'm just gonna
upload it to publication.

Okay.

Okay. [ Chuckles ]

Don't let those nice words
go to your head, old man.

I'm just trying to
keep this job.

Didn't even say goodbye.

What a jerk.

Hey, I just e-mailed you
your next assignment --

a woman who ran a successful
Dim Sum restaurant in Chinatown.

On it.
[ Chuckles ]

Hi.
Oh. [ Sighs ]

I'm gonna be honest
because I'm dead.

Your natural deodorant
doesn't work.

And why aren't you married?

Time's ticking.

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