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1
00:00:01,518 --> 00:00:03,037
After 15 years
as a journalist,
2
00:00:03,175 --> 00:00:04,556
I've learned it's important to
grab the reader's attention
3
00:00:04,694 --> 00:00:06,247
with a catchy headline.
4
00:00:06,385 --> 00:00:09,802
Here's mine-- "Local Woman,
37, Ruins Own Life."
5
00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:13,082
Five years ago, Nell Serrano
threw away a promising career
6
00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:14,738
to move to London for a man.
7
00:00:14,876 --> 00:00:16,706
I'm sleeping!
8
00:00:16,844 --> 00:00:18,225
She went all-in on love.
9
00:00:18,363 --> 00:00:20,261
Until it drop-kicked her
in the face.
10
00:00:20,399 --> 00:00:22,574
Now she's back,
trying to stay hydrated.
11
00:00:23,885 --> 00:00:26,716
But hey, who needs
a promising career...
12
00:00:27,648 --> 00:00:30,099
...a fairy-tale wedding...
13
00:00:30,237 --> 00:00:31,445
...or clean underwear...
14
00:00:31,583 --> 00:00:33,757
when you can wear
bathing suit bottoms.
15
00:00:33,895 --> 00:00:35,794
Again.
16
00:00:35,932 --> 00:00:38,935
The good news is the weird
roommate I met on Craigslist
17
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,869
is extremely laid back and
not passive aggressive at all.
18
00:00:42,007 --> 00:00:44,561
Oh, also, he makes me
walk his dog.
19
00:00:44,699 --> 00:00:46,736
Unfortunately,
he's a shy pooper.
20
00:00:46,874 --> 00:00:49,256
The dog, not the roommate.
That's gross.
21
00:00:49,394 --> 00:00:51,051
And all this made me late
for my first day
22
00:00:51,189 --> 00:00:52,328
back at my old job.
23
00:00:52,466 --> 00:00:54,192
But at least I got
the last parking spot,
24
00:00:54,330 --> 00:00:55,503
so things are looking up.
25
00:00:56,504 --> 00:00:57,540
Oh.
26
00:01:00,577 --> 00:01:02,924
Oh. Sorry.
27
00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:08,068
Oh, my...
28
00:01:08,206 --> 00:01:09,759
I really gotta clean out
this trunk.
29
00:01:10,794 --> 00:01:12,831
More on this
ongoing disaster as it unfolds.
30
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,125
- You are late.
- Oh.
31
00:01:31,263 --> 00:01:32,161
But I told everyone
that your phone
32
00:01:32,299 --> 00:01:33,438
was still set on UK time
33
00:01:33,576 --> 00:01:34,853
and that you
were donating blood.
34
00:01:34,991 --> 00:01:35,957
Okay?
So, act kinda woozy.
35
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:36,993
What if I act hungover?
36
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,236
What if I am hungover?
37
00:01:38,374 --> 00:01:40,100
So, I got you a plant
for your first day.
38
00:01:40,238 --> 00:01:41,653
- Hey.
- Of my old job?
39
00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:43,517
Yeah, and some pens
for your birthday.
40
00:01:43,655 --> 00:01:44,656
Oh, 'cause I'm another
year older?
41
00:01:44,794 --> 00:01:45,967
- Sports section.
- Oh.
42
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,177
- Go long!
- No, because I love you, baby.
43
00:01:48,315 --> 00:01:49,937
- Aww.
- No stealing, girls.
44
00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:51,663
You are not
the boss of me.
45
00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:52,767
True, but I am
the boss of you.
46
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,459
- Ooh.
- Is it weird?
47
00:01:54,597 --> 00:01:55,563
It's weird
that either of you
48
00:01:55,701 --> 00:01:56,840
are the bosses of anybody, really.
49
00:01:56,978 --> 00:01:58,187
Well, technically,
she is the boss...
50
00:01:58,325 --> 00:01:59,222
- Oh!
- ...of the lifestyle section...
51
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,258
- MAN ♪2: Sorry!
- ...so that
52
00:02:00,396 --> 00:02:01,811
- doesn't really count.
- Ooh.
53
00:02:01,949 --> 00:02:03,399
Ooh.
"I'm Mr. Metro.
54
00:02:03,537 --> 00:02:05,366
I have to edit
a six-part series
55
00:02:05,504 --> 00:02:07,575
about the changes
in the zoning bylaws."
56
00:02:07,713 --> 00:02:10,026
I'm sorry, don't you have
a meeting to go to about...
57
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,303
I want to say sandals.
58
00:02:11,441 --> 00:02:13,512
Look, bitch--
59
00:02:13,650 --> 00:02:15,652
Actually, I am late
to a meeting about sandals.
60
00:02:15,790 --> 00:02:17,067
- Oh.
- Ugh.
61
00:02:17,206 --> 00:02:18,655
- Coffee later?
- Yep.
62
00:02:18,793 --> 00:02:20,830
So, what are you
gonna put me on?
63
00:02:20,968 --> 00:02:22,418
City beat? Crime beat?
64
00:02:22,556 --> 00:02:24,213
The dead beat.
65
00:02:24,351 --> 00:02:26,146
Oh, my God, you're
putting me on obituaries?
66
00:02:26,284 --> 00:02:27,388
Here's
your new office.
67
00:02:27,526 --> 00:02:28,700
Ta-da.
68
00:02:28,838 --> 00:02:29,908
Ew.
69
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,670
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie,
this is a closet.
70
00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:35,224
That seems generous.
71
00:02:35,362 --> 00:02:37,847
Look, you gotta jump back
in somewhere, Nell.
72
00:02:37,985 --> 00:02:40,125
Start here.
Your first obit.
73
00:02:40,263 --> 00:02:41,540
Monty Waxberg.
74
00:02:41,678 --> 00:02:44,578
A musician you may know
for his most famous jingle,
75
00:02:44,716 --> 00:02:45,717
the "Yummy Yum Bubble Gum" song.
76
00:02:45,855 --> 00:02:47,339
I hated that song as a kid.
77
00:02:47,477 --> 00:02:49,928
Don't judge a person
by their jingle, Nell.
78
00:02:50,066 --> 00:02:53,345
Everyone has a story,
and it's your job to find it.
79
00:02:53,483 --> 00:02:54,967
And don't touch that pipe.
80
00:02:55,105 --> 00:02:56,210
It'll strip your skin.
81
00:03:00,352 --> 00:03:02,043
This is on me.
82
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,459
Just give me one sec.
83
00:03:03,597 --> 00:03:05,323
Oh, here, give me that.
84
00:03:05,461 --> 00:03:06,910
Oh! See?
This is why I love you.
85
00:03:07,048 --> 00:03:08,084
Still know how to party.
86
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:09,465
Byow-byow-byow-byow!
87
00:03:09,603 --> 00:03:10,949
No.
Your airhorn's broken.
88
00:03:11,087 --> 00:03:13,089
That is because it is
a breast pump.
89
00:03:14,608 --> 00:03:17,058
Do you remember when these boobs
were for, like, flashing people?
90
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,233
Now they are for
feeding people.
91
00:03:19,371 --> 00:03:20,476
What happened to me?
92
00:03:20,614 --> 00:03:22,961
You became
a badass working mom,
93
00:03:23,099 --> 00:03:25,377
who made two of my favorite
little humans.
94
00:03:25,515 --> 00:03:27,241
Yeah, I should warn you,
95
00:03:27,379 --> 00:03:29,347
Tilly still likes to wear
her flower girl dress
96
00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:31,625
to school every day,
in case that's a trigger.
97
00:03:31,763 --> 00:03:33,005
Way to punch down, Tilly.
98
00:03:33,143 --> 00:03:35,594
So, when you are ready
to talk about Phillip,
99
00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:38,079
I have a bunch of nasty things
I have written in my journal
100
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,702
that I am so excited
to share with you.
101
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,290
Eh, I don't want to do that.
102
00:03:41,428 --> 00:03:42,498
You know what I want to do
for my birthday?
103
00:03:42,636 --> 00:03:44,776
I just want to throw down
like we used to
104
00:03:44,914 --> 00:03:47,261
and pretend it's not gonna take
me three days to recover.
105
00:03:47,399 --> 00:03:49,919
- Okay?
- Okay!
106
00:03:50,057 --> 00:03:51,438
Oh, God. Oh, no.
Hide me.
107
00:03:51,576 --> 00:03:53,336
- Oh. Unh-uh. Nope. Hide me.
- What?
108
00:03:53,474 --> 00:03:55,649
- Oh, hide me.
- What? Why? Where? What? Who?
109
00:03:55,787 --> 00:03:57,547
It's Scotch Tape.
110
00:03:58,203 --> 00:03:59,446
Oh.
111
00:03:59,584 --> 00:04:01,413
Yeah, Nell, you can't call
her that anymore, okay?
112
00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:05,624
Lexi is your boss now,
and as crazy as it sounds,
113
00:04:05,762 --> 00:04:08,351
- we have actually become...
- I will smack your face.
114
00:04:08,489 --> 00:04:10,733
- ...work friends.
- What? We hate her!
115
00:04:10,871 --> 00:04:12,079
I know.
I'm so sorry.
116
00:04:12,217 --> 00:04:13,253
The only reason
why she has this job
117
00:04:13,391 --> 00:04:14,668
is because her dad
owns the newspaper.
118
00:04:14,806 --> 00:04:15,979
And half of Pasadena.
119
00:04:16,117 --> 00:04:17,671
Yeah, I know.
She's a little rich and weird,
120
00:04:17,809 --> 00:04:19,604
and she thinks that Old Navy
is a branch of the military,
121
00:04:19,742 --> 00:04:22,054
but when you are
a working mom,
122
00:04:22,192 --> 00:04:23,815
it is hard to meet
other working moms.
123
00:04:23,953 --> 00:04:26,956
What? No.
What about Tina from Metro?
124
00:04:27,094 --> 00:04:28,095
She used to always talk
about her kids.
125
00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:29,683
It was sweet.
126
00:04:30,615 --> 00:04:32,686
They were dolls.
127
00:04:32,824 --> 00:04:34,688
Everyone's really worried
about Tina.
128
00:04:37,138 --> 00:04:39,520
- Hi.
- Hi, Tina.
129
00:04:40,970 --> 00:04:42,661
What's this?
130
00:04:42,799 --> 00:04:45,699
You shouldn't have.
131
00:04:46,941 --> 00:04:48,874
Mmm.
132
00:04:49,012 --> 00:04:51,498
Let's hope there's no cherries
in this one.
133
00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:53,948
It's caramel.
134
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:55,122
Mmm.
135
00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:56,606
Did you go to Stanford?
136
00:04:56,744 --> 00:04:58,159
Yeah.
137
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,368
Why are you eating
the chocolates
138
00:04:59,506 --> 00:05:00,955
I got for my girlfriend?
139
00:05:02,232 --> 00:05:04,096
Because it's my birthday and I
thought you got them for me.
140
00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:05,581
No.
141
00:05:07,030 --> 00:05:08,273
Gross.
142
00:05:08,411 --> 00:05:10,102
I'm going to San Diego,
without chocolates,
143
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,449
to visit my girlfriend.
144
00:05:11,587 --> 00:05:13,105
So, please remember
to walk Arthur
145
00:05:13,243 --> 00:05:14,797
and use compostable poop bags
146
00:05:14,935 --> 00:05:16,385
instead of telling the dog
just to hold it.
147
00:05:16,523 --> 00:05:18,248
And if you raise
the heat above 68,
148
00:05:18,387 --> 00:05:20,250
- the Nest will alert me.
- Aye-aye, Captain.
149
00:05:26,187 --> 00:05:27,706
Do you have any plans
for your birthday?
150
00:05:27,844 --> 00:05:29,225
Oh, yeah.
151
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,709
I'm gonna throw
a massive rager,
152
00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:32,608
and I'm thinking of getting
a couple of kegs
153
00:05:32,746 --> 00:05:34,057
and maybe even a reggae band,
154
00:05:34,195 --> 00:05:35,852
and I'm gonna do it right
over there by your Peloton.
155
00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:37,751
No! You can't do it here.
We have an agreement.
156
00:05:37,889 --> 00:05:39,339
Your lease specifically states
that any guests
157
00:05:39,477 --> 00:05:41,789
need to be pre-authorized...
158
00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:43,619
- You're joking?
- Obviously, dude.
159
00:05:43,757 --> 00:05:45,414
What, do you have like
Asperger's or something?
160
00:05:45,552 --> 00:05:47,243
I do.
161
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,624
You do?
162
00:05:48,762 --> 00:05:50,246
Oh, my God, I am so sorry
I said that.
163
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:52,524
I don't.
You thought I had Asperger's?
164
00:05:52,662 --> 00:05:54,526
I mean, kind of.
165
00:05:54,664 --> 00:05:56,183
I do.
166
00:05:57,322 --> 00:05:58,772
All right,
have a good weekend.
167
00:06:02,603 --> 00:06:04,122
-♪ Beam me up♪
-♪ Beam me up♪
168
00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:05,675
♪ Count me in♪
169
00:06:05,813 --> 00:06:07,090
Ah, thank you.
170
00:06:09,058 --> 00:06:11,681
Wow. $14 bucks
for a cocktail.
171
00:06:11,819 --> 00:06:12,924
You know, back in the day,
172
00:06:13,062 --> 00:06:15,271
we used to make
LSD in the bathtub
173
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:18,032
and give it away for free!
174
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,862
Ah, damn,
I miss the '90s.
175
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,346
- Mm.
- Mm.
176
00:06:21,484 --> 00:06:24,142
How come your nose
is buried in your phone?
177
00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:27,697
Ah, honestly?
178
00:06:27,835 --> 00:06:30,942
I was wondering if
my ex-fiance was gonna bother
179
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,081
to wish me a happy birthday,
180
00:06:32,219 --> 00:06:33,600
but so far, he hasn't, so...
181
00:06:33,738 --> 00:06:35,429
You know the best way
to get over someone?
182
00:06:35,567 --> 00:06:37,776
- Hmm?
- Get under someone else.
183
00:06:38,984 --> 00:06:40,158
Awesome.
Thank you for your wisdom.
184
00:06:41,608 --> 00:06:43,126
Hey!
185
00:06:43,264 --> 00:06:45,750
- There she is! My birthday girl!
- Hi!
186
00:06:45,888 --> 00:06:47,959
- Yes!
- Hi.
187
00:06:48,097 --> 00:06:49,029
Okay, I know you said
no presents,
188
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,686
but we stopped
by the gas station
189
00:06:50,824 --> 00:06:54,344
- and got you a little something.
- Aww, you guys.
190
00:06:54,483 --> 00:06:56,416
Condoms and scratchers?
191
00:06:56,554 --> 00:06:58,659
'Cause you finna
get lucky this year!
192
00:06:58,797 --> 00:07:00,316
Hey! And we're gonna have
a great time tonight
193
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,352
no matter who else
shows up.
194
00:07:02,491 --> 00:07:03,492
So...
195
00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:05,321
Who else is coming?
196
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,495
Hi, squirrel friend.
197
00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,669
Sorry I'm late.
198
00:07:08,807 --> 00:07:12,708
Well, I hope it's not too weird
that I crashed your birthday.
199
00:07:12,846 --> 00:07:13,916
No.
Not at all.
200
00:07:14,054 --> 00:07:15,400
We're co-workers.
201
00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:18,196
Well, not exactly "co."
202
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,336
Kidding.
203
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:22,200
Although technically,
that is accurate.
204
00:07:22,338 --> 00:07:23,373
I mean, I am your boss.
205
00:07:23,512 --> 00:07:24,789
Right.
206
00:07:24,927 --> 00:07:26,446
But I just want you to know
that I'm going to strive
207
00:07:26,584 --> 00:07:28,758
to be a different kind of boss
than my father was.
208
00:07:28,896 --> 00:07:32,244
I mean, he was just so
aloof and out of touch,
209
00:07:32,382 --> 00:07:34,246
and if I learned anything
after I broke my back
210
00:07:34,384 --> 00:07:35,800
during the
Olympic Dressage trials,
211
00:07:35,938 --> 00:07:39,838
it's that you are only as strong
as the horse you're riding.
212
00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:42,220
- Mm.
- Mm.
213
00:07:42,358 --> 00:07:45,016
And you--
you are my horse.
214
00:07:45,154 --> 00:07:46,189
Hey, Lexi?
215
00:07:46,327 --> 00:07:48,571
Am I being weird
and entitled again?
216
00:07:48,709 --> 00:07:50,504
Yeah, when you referred to us
as your horse.
217
00:07:50,642 --> 00:07:52,299
See? This is why I need you.
218
00:07:52,437 --> 00:07:54,059
Oh, my gosh,
that reminds me.
219
00:07:54,197 --> 00:07:55,405
One weekend during quarantine
220
00:07:55,544 --> 00:07:56,683
when our families
podded together--
221
00:07:56,821 --> 00:07:58,029
Oh.
222
00:07:58,167 --> 00:07:59,375
You guys podded together?
223
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:00,894
- Yeah.
- We did.
224
00:08:01,032 --> 00:08:02,999
And it was such fun.
Oh!
225
00:08:03,137 --> 00:08:05,554
I know a lot of people say
they didn't enjoy the pandemic,
226
00:08:05,692 --> 00:08:07,348
but I really thrived.
227
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,731
Anyway, one night, Sam and I
got into le sauvignon blanc,
228
00:08:10,869 --> 00:08:13,562
and she got really
honest with me
229
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:16,219
about how I can come off
to people,
230
00:08:16,357 --> 00:08:19,775
and I'm just very grateful
to have a friend
231
00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:21,431
like you in my life.
232
00:08:21,570 --> 00:08:23,364
I got you.
233
00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:27,990
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
234
00:08:28,128 --> 00:08:29,612
♪ Nobody knows it♪
235
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:30,786
♪ Nobody knows♪
236
00:08:30,924 --> 00:08:32,270
You're okay with her
being here, right?
237
00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:33,789
Totally.
238
00:08:33,927 --> 00:08:35,169
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
239
00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:36,654
I guess I just didn't realize
you guys were, like,
240
00:08:36,792 --> 00:08:38,379
- friends-friends.
- I know.
241
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:39,484
But it's fine.
242
00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:40,761
You just owe me
a do-over, yeah?
243
00:08:40,899 --> 00:08:42,349
- You got it.
- Yes!
244
00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:43,523
- Yes.
- Okay, so I got us two tickets
245
00:08:43,661 --> 00:08:45,076
to The Underground
this Saturday night.
246
00:08:45,214 --> 00:08:46,871
It's '80s Prom Night.
247
00:08:47,009 --> 00:08:48,044
I thought I'd wear
my wedding dress,
248
00:08:48,182 --> 00:08:49,805
you'd wear your
maid-of-honors dress.
249
00:08:49,943 --> 00:08:51,116
Might as well get
some use out of it.
250
00:08:51,254 --> 00:08:52,152
I would love to do it.
251
00:08:52,290 --> 00:08:53,947
It's just that
Saturday night,
252
00:08:54,085 --> 00:08:57,088
um, I have some plans--
253
00:08:57,226 --> 00:08:58,089
You have plans with Lexi.
254
00:08:58,227 --> 00:09:00,436
Yeah. I do. I do.
255
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:04,474
♪ Don't go breaking my heart♪
256
00:09:04,613 --> 00:09:06,615
We almost got it.
It was almost there.
257
00:09:08,513 --> 00:09:10,791
Whoo! Whoo!
258
00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,379
Let's give it up for Dennis
and Scotch Tape!
259
00:09:13,311 --> 00:09:14,795
- Scotch Tape?
- Oh, yeah.
260
00:09:14,933 --> 00:09:16,141
It's just a nickname
we gave you, you know.
261
00:09:16,279 --> 00:09:18,212
Just some little inside joke
between old friends.
262
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,317
Nell, Nell, slow down.
263
00:09:19,455 --> 00:09:20,629
- What? Come on.
- Nell.
264
00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:21,940
Scotch Tape.
Because you're stuck up.
265
00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:23,079
Get it?
266
00:09:23,217 --> 00:09:24,564
We also thought
you were Scottish.
267
00:09:24,702 --> 00:09:26,531
You screamed one day, and it
sounded like Braveheart.
268
00:09:26,669 --> 00:09:27,601
I was like, "Scottish."
269
00:09:27,739 --> 00:09:29,845
Come on.
270
00:09:29,983 --> 00:09:31,881
You think it's funny, right?
271
00:09:32,019 --> 00:09:34,021
I'm not the only one!
272
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:35,057
Yeah, totally.
273
00:09:35,195 --> 00:09:36,714
I'm just gonna get my bag.
274
00:09:36,852 --> 00:09:38,060
All right.
275
00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:39,509
Another round of drinks!
276
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,042
"If you're reading this,
277
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:57,597
then the fridge
has been open too long."
278
00:09:57,735 --> 00:10:00,254
Oh, my God.
279
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,360
How did I end up here?
280
00:10:02,498 --> 00:10:03,844
Well, it's true.
281
00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:05,328
Aah! Aah!
282
00:10:05,466 --> 00:10:07,503
You never really know where
life is gonna take you.
283
00:10:08,262 --> 00:10:09,885
Don't you come any closer.
I will kill you.
284
00:10:10,023 --> 00:10:10,955
Don't bother.
285
00:10:11,093 --> 00:10:12,439
I'm already dead.
286
00:10:15,822 --> 00:10:17,340
Are you here to kill me?
287
00:10:17,478 --> 00:10:19,342
Please don't do that.
Please, please don't do that.
288
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,275
No, I am not here
to kill you.
289
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,553
My name is Monty Waxberg.
290
00:10:23,692 --> 00:10:26,177
♪ Yummy Yum Bubble Gum♪
291
00:10:26,315 --> 00:10:27,765
♪ Juicy, juicy fun♪
292
00:10:30,768 --> 00:10:32,597
Ta-da. C'est moi.
293
00:10:33,771 --> 00:10:34,703
Nope. Nuh-uh.
294
00:10:34,841 --> 00:10:36,049
No. I do not
see dead people.
295
00:10:36,187 --> 00:10:37,222
No, no, no, no.
296
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:38,327
This has just got to be
the chili cheese fries
297
00:10:38,465 --> 00:10:39,984
and the cake
and the five cocktails
298
00:10:40,122 --> 00:10:41,157
and maybe
the half gummy I ate.
299
00:10:41,295 --> 00:10:42,711
Go easy there,
Keith Richards.
300
00:10:42,849 --> 00:10:44,816
You cannot comment
because you are not real.
301
00:10:44,954 --> 00:10:46,576
So, I--
I'm just gonna--
302
00:10:46,715 --> 00:10:48,337
I'm gonna go to my room,
and I'm gonna lock the door,
303
00:10:48,475 --> 00:10:50,408
and I'm gonna put a bunch
of heavy boxes in front of it.
304
00:10:50,546 --> 00:10:51,789
You know, not because
I think that you're real,
305
00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:54,377
but just because, uh--
um, I need the cardio.
306
00:10:54,515 --> 00:10:55,516
And when I wake up
in the morning,
307
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,725
you are gonna be gone!
308
00:10:56,863 --> 00:10:58,381
Goodnight!
309
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,221
- Mornin'!
- Aah!
310
00:11:13,086 --> 00:11:14,604
Stay back.
311
00:11:14,743 --> 00:11:16,434
How did you get past
the boxes?
312
00:11:16,572 --> 00:11:18,747
I have no idea.
I've never been dead before.
313
00:11:18,885 --> 00:11:22,198
Also, I haven't had to pee
since I died,
314
00:11:22,336 --> 00:11:23,959
which frees up
a lot of time.
315
00:11:25,236 --> 00:11:26,375
- Company.
- Come in.
316
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:28,653
Are you okay?
317
00:11:28,791 --> 00:11:30,517
I just got home,
and I heard you scream.
318
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:33,209
No.
319
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:36,592
- Yeah, I'm okay.
- Good.
320
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:37,938
Will you clean
the living room, please?
321
00:11:38,076 --> 00:11:39,768
Because it's filled
with condoms.
322
00:11:39,906 --> 00:11:41,597
Duh. Yeah.
What do you think
323
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,702
I got this is for?
324
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,911
Okay, nice.
325
00:11:45,049 --> 00:11:46,533
Fun fact--
326
00:11:46,671 --> 00:11:48,224
you're the only one
that can see me.
327
00:11:48,362 --> 00:11:49,432
- No!
- Yep.
328
00:11:49,570 --> 00:11:50,502
- No!
- Yep.
329
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:51,745
No, no!
330
00:11:51,883 --> 00:11:52,781
No!
331
00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:54,610
This--
What is happening?
332
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:55,784
This is not happening.
333
00:11:55,922 --> 00:11:56,854
Oh, my God.
334
00:11:56,992 --> 00:11:58,614
I know I've been sad lately,
335
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,305
and maybe even
a little depressed, you know?
336
00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:01,962
And I haven't really been
taking good care of myself.
337
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,516
Maybe I just need
to do more exercise.
338
00:12:04,654 --> 00:12:07,140
Oh, okay. Why don't we go
for a bike ride?
339
00:12:07,278 --> 00:12:08,658
No, thank you.
I need some air.
340
00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:13,836
Hey, Siri, text Sam.
341
00:12:13,974 --> 00:12:15,665
"Sorry I got over-served
last night.
342
00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:17,667
Can, uh, we grab
a cup of coffee later?"
343
00:12:19,117 --> 00:12:20,463
You don't want to eat here.
344
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:23,018
Two words--
Cock. Roaches.
345
00:12:23,156 --> 00:12:24,467
No!
346
00:12:27,574 --> 00:12:29,162
Go. Go, go, go,
go, go, go!
347
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,784
Nell! Get out of the car!
348
00:12:30,922 --> 00:12:31,923
This is the guy
that killed me!
349
00:12:32,061 --> 00:12:33,683
- What?
- Just kidding.
350
00:12:33,822 --> 00:12:35,409
It was prostate cancer.
351
00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:41,484
Stop following me!
352
00:12:41,622 --> 00:12:43,003
Oh, God. Enough.
353
00:12:43,141 --> 00:12:44,315
What do I have to do
to get you to leave?
354
00:12:44,453 --> 00:12:45,626
I don't know.
355
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,283
I have no idea why I'm here.
356
00:12:47,421 --> 00:12:48,802
No rules, no instructions.
357
00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:50,804
It's very poorly run.
358
00:12:50,942 --> 00:12:52,081
Okay, I've seen the movies.
There's gotta be
359
00:12:52,219 --> 00:12:53,462
some magic words
that I can say
360
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,670
to get you to move on.
361
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,189
Ooh, like, um--
362
00:12:56,327 --> 00:12:57,949
"I absolve you
of your messed up life."
363
00:12:58,087 --> 00:13:00,124
"Go to the light,
Carol Anne!"
364
00:13:01,504 --> 00:13:04,197
- My messed up life?
- Yes. Your messed up life.
365
00:13:04,335 --> 00:13:05,992
I don't know if you remember,
but I've been writing about you,
366
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:08,235
and you're a dead,
twice-divorced, wannabe musician
367
00:13:08,373 --> 00:13:10,341
who wrote one jingle
that made me hate bubble gum.
368
00:13:10,479 --> 00:13:12,067
Uh-huh.
And what about you?
369
00:13:12,205 --> 00:13:13,482
I've been around you
for about 24 hours,
370
00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:15,070
and I can tell,
you're no prize.
371
00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,485
You drink too much,
372
00:13:16,623 --> 00:13:18,487
you're jealous of other
people's happiness,
373
00:13:18,625 --> 00:13:20,178
and you literally
just run away
374
00:13:20,316 --> 00:13:21,973
from any difficulty
in your life.
375
00:13:24,493 --> 00:13:25,735
I'm not doing this.
376
00:13:25,874 --> 00:13:27,151
I'm not getting psychoanalyzed
by some dead person.
377
00:13:27,289 --> 00:13:29,567
See?
You're running away.
378
00:13:31,396 --> 00:13:33,019
I am n-- No.
379
00:13:33,157 --> 00:13:34,572
No. Ah.
380
00:13:34,710 --> 00:13:36,988
Great. Thank you.
I just missed Sam's call.
381
00:13:38,231 --> 00:13:39,611
Hey, I got your text.
382
00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:41,544
Last night got a little
out of hand.
383
00:13:41,682 --> 00:13:43,892
I mean, I know it was funny
how we used to not like Lexi,
384
00:13:44,030 --> 00:13:46,964
but she's been a great friend
to me while you've been gone.
385
00:13:47,102 --> 00:13:48,966
She is also the boss,
so if I were you,
386
00:13:49,104 --> 00:13:51,175
I would think about apologizing.
387
00:13:51,313 --> 00:13:53,833
Anyway, I guess
we'll talk later.
388
00:13:53,971 --> 00:13:56,490
So, what are you
gonna do now?
389
00:14:02,565 --> 00:14:04,740
What...?
390
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:09,296
Well, this is, um,
quite the office, Lexi.
391
00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:11,057
Whoa.
392
00:14:11,195 --> 00:14:13,887
Ah. Yes, that's the horse
that bucked me-- Todd.
393
00:14:14,025 --> 00:14:15,578
I keep it as a reminder
of my failures.
394
00:14:15,716 --> 00:14:17,857
- Wow.
- So, what can I do for you?
395
00:14:17,995 --> 00:14:21,308
I wanted to drop off
some apology donuts.
396
00:14:21,446 --> 00:14:22,827
Last night,
I wasn't at my best,
397
00:14:22,965 --> 00:14:24,725
and I wanted to say I'm sorry
398
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,038
and I promise to be more
professional from now on.
399
00:14:28,522 --> 00:14:29,765
Did you steal these
from the break room?
400
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:30,973
No. Why?
401
00:14:31,111 --> 00:14:32,147
Several have bites
taken out of them,
402
00:14:32,285 --> 00:14:34,701
and it says "break room"
on the box.
403
00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:35,978
Then, yes, I did.
404
00:14:36,116 --> 00:14:37,221
Okay. Uh, sorry.
405
00:14:37,359 --> 00:14:38,774
Bye.
406
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,501
That was a pretty
half-assed apology.
407
00:14:41,639 --> 00:14:43,089
I mean, obviously,
you have something
408
00:14:43,227 --> 00:14:44,400
you'd like to say to me.
409
00:14:44,538 --> 00:14:46,333
So, be a reporter.
410
00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:47,748
Give me the full story.
411
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,164
I don't think that's
a good idea.
412
00:14:49,302 --> 00:14:51,269
I have an idea.
413
00:14:51,407 --> 00:14:53,789
Let's take 30 seconds
and tell the other person
414
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,792
exactly what we think of them
with no repercussions.
415
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,483
Huh?
I'll go first.
416
00:14:58,621 --> 00:15:01,176
I think you are
a sloppy drunk.
417
00:15:01,314 --> 00:15:02,315
Oh, wow.
418
00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:03,385
You're just gonna
go right in there.
419
00:15:03,523 --> 00:15:05,352
Well, I think
your relationship
420
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:07,044
with your horse
is inappropriate.
421
00:15:07,182 --> 00:15:09,322
I think that shirt looks like
it was bought from Wet Seal.
422
00:15:09,460 --> 00:15:10,771
I took the bites
out of those donuts.
423
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,497
You still work in newspapers.
424
00:15:12,635 --> 00:15:15,155
You work in newspapers.
425
00:15:15,293 --> 00:15:16,639
I knew you didn't want me
at your birthday party,
426
00:15:16,777 --> 00:15:18,089
but I invited
myself anyway.
427
00:15:18,227 --> 00:15:20,712
I don't think you're good enough
to be friends with Sam.
428
00:15:24,268 --> 00:15:26,408
When Dennis asked me
to hire you, I said no.
429
00:15:26,546 --> 00:15:28,548
You gave up a promising career
to chase after some guy,
430
00:15:28,686 --> 00:15:29,721
and when it doesn't work out,
431
00:15:29,859 --> 00:15:31,309
I'm supposed to
pick up the pieces?
432
00:15:31,447 --> 00:15:34,036
I only changed my mind when Sam
told me you were in a sad spot
433
00:15:34,174 --> 00:15:35,831
and really needed
to catch a break.
434
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,557
I hired you for her.
435
00:15:37,695 --> 00:15:39,973
But I am your boss,
and if you don't perform,
436
00:15:40,111 --> 00:15:41,112
you will be the first to go,
437
00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:42,838
and it won't matter
who you're friends with.
438
00:15:45,013 --> 00:15:47,084
Okay, good to know.
439
00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:50,363
I really don't think that's
a fun game, by the way.
440
00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:52,192
Oh, it's a lot better if you're
playing with your family.
441
00:15:59,717 --> 00:16:00,925
- Are you here?
- Yep.
442
00:16:01,063 --> 00:16:02,858
- Oh.
- I keep closing my eyes
443
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:05,412
and hoping when I open them,
I'll be in Madrid.
444
00:16:07,035 --> 00:16:09,209
Oh, no.
What's with the face?
445
00:16:10,417 --> 00:16:11,901
For some dumb reason,
446
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,869
I thought that I would just
447
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:16,630
come back home and pick
back up where I left off,
448
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,771
but... everything's changed
449
00:16:19,909 --> 00:16:22,464
and I feel really disconnected
from everyone.
450
00:16:25,087 --> 00:16:26,537
So, what do we do then?
451
00:16:26,675 --> 00:16:28,642
Just sit here
and feel sorry for you
452
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:30,403
for the rest of eternity?
Hmm?
453
00:16:30,541 --> 00:16:32,060
Am I in Hell?
454
00:16:32,198 --> 00:16:34,407
- If you're with me, probably.
- Oh, my God.
455
00:16:34,545 --> 00:16:37,168
You know, I can't listen
to any more of your whining.
456
00:16:37,306 --> 00:16:38,411
I'm either gonna smother you
with that pillow
457
00:16:38,549 --> 00:16:39,826
or we're going out.
458
00:16:39,964 --> 00:16:41,828
Smother me.
459
00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:54,358
This is so dumb.
460
00:16:54,496 --> 00:16:55,876
What are we doing here?
461
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,292
I mean, [scoffs] are we
gonna split a bruschetta?
462
00:16:58,776 --> 00:17:00,467
You know, you don't need
those things.
463
00:17:00,605 --> 00:17:03,436
I feel like everyone
is staring at me,
464
00:17:03,574 --> 00:17:05,438
wondering
what's wrong with me
465
00:17:05,576 --> 00:17:08,510
and why I'm all alone
in such a beautiful place.
466
00:17:08,648 --> 00:17:09,787
Let me tell you something.
467
00:17:09,925 --> 00:17:12,652
I was prodigy on the piano.
468
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:15,862
I moved to California
in the Summer of Love,
469
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,451
and I was gonna make
incredible music.
470
00:17:18,589 --> 00:17:20,487
And I ended up writing...
471
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:22,351
-♪ Yummy Yum--♪
- Oh, no singing.
472
00:17:22,489 --> 00:17:23,835
I know.
It's embarrassing.
473
00:17:25,113 --> 00:17:26,631
Because I wanted
so much more.
474
00:17:28,323 --> 00:17:29,841
So, I got angry,
475
00:17:29,979 --> 00:17:32,189
and I pushed people away.
476
00:17:32,327 --> 00:17:34,708
And eventually,
I climbed out of my own ass
477
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:38,471
and realized that there were
people all around me
478
00:17:38,609 --> 00:17:40,024
living their lives...
479
00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:44,270
...not caring about
what life should be,
480
00:17:44,408 --> 00:17:46,237
but about what it is.
481
00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:49,447
And when I got that,
everything changed.
482
00:17:50,655 --> 00:17:52,692
I mean, look at that
woman over there.
483
00:17:52,830 --> 00:17:54,349
She's not self-conscious.
484
00:17:54,487 --> 00:17:57,179
Just enjoying life as
it's happening right now.
485
00:17:57,317 --> 00:17:59,181
- You don't have to do this.
- Do what?
486
00:17:59,319 --> 00:18:00,838
Ghost-of-Christmas-Future me
into thinking
487
00:18:00,976 --> 00:18:02,426
that if I don't
change my ways,
488
00:18:02,564 --> 00:18:04,497
I'm gonna end up alone
and all dressed up,
489
00:18:04,635 --> 00:18:06,533
wearing some ugly
turquoise necklace.
490
00:18:06,671 --> 00:18:08,949
Or maybe you wear it because
your husband
491
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,814
bought it for you in Spain
for your anniversary.
492
00:18:16,509 --> 00:18:17,372
Is that your wife?
493
00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:18,787
Yes, it is.
494
00:18:18,925 --> 00:18:20,547
Oh, my God.
495
00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:25,587
I'm so sorry.
496
00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:28,037
I ju-- I-I just can't seem
to get out of my own way.
497
00:18:28,176 --> 00:18:29,073
I'm a mess.
498
00:18:29,211 --> 00:18:30,764
- Yeah, you are.
- Thanks.
499
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,525
- But, you know, it's okay.
- Hmm?
500
00:18:32,663 --> 00:18:35,459
'Cause so was I
before I met Cricket.
501
00:18:37,323 --> 00:18:40,981
God, I wish I could tell her
once more how beautiful she is.
502
00:18:50,405 --> 00:18:51,544
Okay.
503
00:18:54,271 --> 00:18:55,168
Excuse me.
504
00:18:55,306 --> 00:18:57,343
I hope this isn't too weird,
505
00:18:57,481 --> 00:18:59,241
but I just thought
someone should tell you
506
00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:01,140
how beautiful
you look tonight.
507
00:19:01,278 --> 00:19:04,039
Well, isn't that a kick?
508
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:05,213
Thank you.
509
00:19:05,351 --> 00:19:06,869
And I really love
your necklace.
510
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,355
My husband gave it to me.
511
00:19:09,493 --> 00:19:13,462
It's a little gaudy,
but it makes me think of him.
512
00:19:15,084 --> 00:19:16,948
You know, this is-- this is
really out of character for me,
513
00:19:17,086 --> 00:19:18,743
but would it be
the strangest thing
514
00:19:18,881 --> 00:19:21,090
if I asked to join you
for a glass of wine?
515
00:19:21,229 --> 00:19:23,472
Only if it's tequila.
516
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,442
I'm Nell.
517
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:28,719
I'm Cricket.
518
00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:35,208
Come in.
519
00:19:36,071 --> 00:19:37,210
Hey.
520
00:19:37,348 --> 00:19:38,798
I got more poop bags
for Arthur's business
521
00:19:38,936 --> 00:19:41,904
so you're always ready.
522
00:19:42,042 --> 00:19:43,768
Thank you.
523
00:19:43,906 --> 00:19:45,356
Is there something else?
524
00:19:45,494 --> 00:19:48,842
Technically, it's not called
Asperger's anymore.
525
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,913
It's called
"Autism Spectrum Disorder."
526
00:19:51,051 --> 00:19:52,156
It means a lot of
different things
527
00:19:52,294 --> 00:19:53,951
to a lot of different people,
but for me,
528
00:19:54,089 --> 00:19:56,781
it means I need
structure and routine.
529
00:19:56,919 --> 00:19:58,300
There's a right way
to do things,
530
00:19:58,438 --> 00:20:00,992
and there's a wrong way
to do things.
531
00:20:01,130 --> 00:20:02,442
And there's not much
in-between.
532
00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:05,445
- Like the poop bags.
- Yeah. Kinda.
533
00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:06,515
But I'm an
environmental lawyer,
534
00:20:06,653 --> 00:20:08,414
so that's just
being responsible.
535
00:20:08,552 --> 00:20:11,140
- The world's on fire right now.
- Right.
536
00:20:11,279 --> 00:20:13,212
Also...
537
00:20:13,350 --> 00:20:15,973
I know at times
I could be...
538
00:20:16,111 --> 00:20:19,148
difficult to live with.
539
00:20:19,287 --> 00:20:20,909
Or so I've been told.
540
00:20:23,118 --> 00:20:24,326
So have I.
541
00:20:24,464 --> 00:20:26,397
So, maybe we're a good match.
542
00:20:30,643 --> 00:20:31,920
Well, have a nice day.
543
00:20:32,058 --> 00:20:35,648
♪ Made a wrong turn♪
544
00:20:35,786 --> 00:20:37,995
♪ Once or twice♪
545
00:20:38,133 --> 00:20:40,169
What are the markers
of a life well lived?
546
00:20:40,308 --> 00:20:43,069
We try to describe people's
lives in one sentence.
547
00:20:43,207 --> 00:20:44,657
"She was a successful
journalist."
548
00:20:44,795 --> 00:20:47,798
"He was an old friend
and a new boss."
549
00:20:47,936 --> 00:20:49,075
"She was a working mom."
550
00:20:49,213 --> 00:20:50,456
It's too many kisses!
551
00:20:52,009 --> 00:20:53,666
"He was the Yummy Yum
Bubble Gum guy."
552
00:20:53,804 --> 00:20:55,633
But the truth is,
there isn't one sentence
553
00:20:55,771 --> 00:20:57,290
that can describe a life.
554
00:20:57,428 --> 00:20:58,498
No, I know that we're not
where we're supposed to be,
555
00:20:58,636 --> 00:20:59,948
but I-I have a plan.
556
00:21:00,086 --> 00:21:01,398
It's just taking a little
bit longer than--
557
00:21:01,536 --> 00:21:02,813
Because life is complicated.
558
00:21:02,951 --> 00:21:04,987
Thanks, Dad.
559
00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:07,473
And people aren't always
who we think they are.
560
00:21:07,611 --> 00:21:10,648
The real truth is,
we're all a work in progress,
561
00:21:10,786 --> 00:21:12,512
and so are our relationships--
562
00:21:12,650 --> 00:21:14,169
the old ones
we're trying to keep...
563
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,653
Byow-byow-byow!
564
00:21:15,791 --> 00:21:18,138
...and sometimes,
565
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:19,830
if we're lucky,
566
00:21:19,968 --> 00:21:22,729
it's the new ones
that take us by surprise.
567
00:21:22,867 --> 00:21:24,973
Hey!
568
00:21:25,111 --> 00:21:27,389
Are you ready to rock
our faces off?
569
00:21:27,527 --> 00:21:30,668
- Sure am.
- Come on, girl. I can tell you
570
00:21:30,806 --> 00:21:32,429
- about the '80s, now.
- Oh. Please.
571
00:21:34,154 --> 00:21:36,674
"And since,
as Monty Waxberg believed,
572
00:21:36,812 --> 00:21:39,263
you never really know where
life is going to take you,
573
00:21:39,401 --> 00:21:42,231
so just open up your heart
along the way and listen.
574
00:21:42,370 --> 00:21:44,786
Everyone has a story
if you just take the time
575
00:21:44,924 --> 00:21:47,029
to find out what it is."
576
00:21:48,514 --> 00:21:49,791
I would tell you
this is really good,
577
00:21:49,929 --> 00:21:51,310
but then you'd just want
to start a union,
578
00:21:51,448 --> 00:21:53,726
so instead, I'm just gonna
upload it to publication.
579
00:21:53,864 --> 00:21:56,107
- Okay.
- Okay.
580
00:21:57,143 --> 00:21:58,972
Don't let those nice words
go to your head, old man.
581
00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:01,250
I'm just trying to
keep this job.
582
00:22:05,393 --> 00:22:07,187
Didn't even say goodbye.
583
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,396
What a jerk.
584
00:22:08,534 --> 00:22:10,777
Hey, I just e-mailed you
your next assignment--
585
00:22:10,915 --> 00:22:13,608
a woman who ran a successful
Dim Sum restaurant in Chinatown.
586
00:22:13,746 --> 00:22:15,575
On it.
587
00:22:18,198 --> 00:22:19,510
- Hi.
- Oh.
588
00:22:19,648 --> 00:22:21,063
I'm gonna be honest
because I'm dead.
589
00:22:21,201 --> 00:22:22,582
Your natural deodorant
doesn't work.
590
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,446
And why aren't you married?
591
00:22:24,584 --> 00:22:26,379
Time's ticking.
592
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:34,111
Captioned by VITAC--
39947
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